Scream For Me
by the Last Flowerchild
Summary: An ongoing series focusing on the misadventures of Ghostface, Freddy, Michael, and Jason. After being sent to an apartment to live together, the four find themselves in the middle of a world of unsolvable problems. Includes character appearances from several other horror movie killers. Reviews are appreciated. Contains hints of slash, lots of profanity, and sexual references.
1. Episode 1The Cube

****WARNINGS****

**Cursing, slash implied, sexual references, drug references, drug usage, violence, references to God—and jokes made about God—and bad plot lines[^_^]**. If you don't like any of these things, then don't read. Don't message me saying that I went too far, because it will just piss me off and I will ignore you.

I own nothing.

**P R O L O G U E**

**[How _Scream For Me_ Came To Be: A Brief History]**

AND SO IT IS WRITTEN...

...that in the beginning God created heaven and earth...and then he got bored so all of this stuff happened:

[1ST DAY] God said, 'Let there be light,' but that wasn't as big a deal as the creation of Michael Myers, who would later become the Last Flowerchild's whore[1]...

[2D DAY] Oceans and all that good, life-giving shit was made, but that paled in comparison to the birth of Jason Voorhees.

[3D DAY] There was ground and the sky, but more importantly there was Freddy Krueger.

[4TH DAY] The sun, moon, and stars became visible, but no one really cared, because Ghostface was made.

[5TH DAY] Blah, blah, blah, fish and birds happened, but all that stuff is boring. More importantly, God invented the internet, because everything else was starting to bore him again...

[6TH DAY] Animals and men and women were created because God wanted something besides the whole universe to watch...so then he invented Youtube and video cameras.

[7TH DAY] Everything else was made and miracles happened and all that good shit, but then God decided that he wanted something good to read, so he made _. _Then there came the Last Flowerchild, and she brought to all the people weed and drugs, because—she doesn't need a reason.

And then the greatest inventions in the world happened: fanfiction and, with the help of the video camera, horror movies. 

**Episode 1—The Cube**

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [PART I] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

"Just give me the motherfucking pizza!" Freddy Krueger yelled as Pinhead snatched a slice of pepperoni pizza from his clawed hand.

"No! It's mine now!"

"I had it first! It's mine!"

"What about me?" Ghostface asked hopefully.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid Fuckface!" Freddy screamed angrily as he attempted to yank the pizza from Pinhead's hand.

On the other side of the room Jason Voorhees turned the volume up on the TV. Next to him Michael Myers pouted moodily. The rest of Pinhead's remaining crew—the Chatterer and Butterball[2]—sat on the floor, their ugly, misshapen faces expressionless. Michael and Jason exchanged glances, both knowing that this was the fifth fight that Freddy and Pinhead had gotten into this week. Although silent killers never talk, they usually write notes to each other. So, finding themselves pieces of scrap paper, they began to write[3].

The only problem with this was that, oddly enough, Michael Myers was not a good speller...or thinker...

Jason:_You think that they'll ever stop fighting?_

Michael:_ I doubt it. Freddy is just so pissy that he can't get along with anyone._

Jason: _Yeah, well, you're not the easiest guy to get along with, you know._

Michael: _I am to! I'm gr8t!_

He rolled his eyes and let out a scoff. _Yeah, you're a real gem, always having to have your shampoo separate from ours, spelling 'great' with the number 8, and eating that gross raw fish stuff..._

_It's sushi! _Michael wrote, beginning to become defensive. _It tahstes good and uou guys don't even give it a chance._

Jason: _Yeah, I'll be telling you that when you die of food poisoning...and by the way, did you just spell the word 'you' U-O-U?_

Michael shrugged and glanced back at the paper; he nodded and wrote, _Yeah, so?_

_Seriously? You really don't see a problem with that? That isn't even close to Y-O-U!_

_No it's not, _Michael wrote, _because you can't be close to a word. Duh._

Jason narrowed his eyes and scratched down on the paper, _What the fuck are you even talking about?_

They continued going back and forth—they had been known to do it for hours, but now something stopped them; the sound of submission. Pinhead finally grew silent and stopped shouting obscene things at Freddy.

"Fine, Krueger! You want the pizza? Take it!" he said, letting go of the slice. He tried his best to look defeated, but a grin was forming at the corners of his pierced mouth.

The rest of the slashers stared, absolutely flabbergasted, as Freddy devoured the pepperoni pizza slice, his burnt and blackened teeth glistened. Once he had finished, he turned to the other killers with a broad smile.

"There, you see? I win. I _always _win."

"But what about _me?"_ Ghostface whined, "I was the one who ordered the pizza!"

Pinhead's smile faded. "Hey, Ghostface, do you think that it would be too much trouble to shut the fuck up?"

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [PART III] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

The rest of the night passed without much incident. The morning, however, was nowhere near as peaceful. Freddy awoke to the sound of shattering glass.

"Wazzat? Goztfaz? Ya bok da batroom mi'rr gain?"

"No, Kruger. Ghostface isn't here."

"Voorhees?"

"Gone too."

"What 'bout that queer, Michael?"

"Gone to, I'm afraid."

Freddy rose to his feet. Things were not right. "What about _Leatherface_?"

Pinhead narrowed his black eyes. "Leatherface is still living in Texas. You know that, Krueger."

"Yeah. I know." Freddy said as he grabbed the milk out of the refrigerator.

Pinhead rolled his eyed disdainfully. "What the _fuck _are you talking about?"

He shrugged passively. Pinhead sighed, "Hey, listen. It's almost the Chatterer's turn in the bathroom. You'd better go use it quick."

"Crap." Freddy said as he shoved the milk carton into Pinhead's hands and raced to the bathroom.

Once he locked the door and turned around, he was greeted with the sight of millions of broken mirror pieces."Shit!" Freddy yelled loudly, "Pinnnnnheadddd! Someone broke the mirror!" as he bent down to gather the broken pieces, something caught his eye. A cube of made of what looked like bronze with hundreds of little engravings on it. Freddy recognized it instantly. "Pinhead!You left your god damn cube in here! You better get your sorry ass in here, cause I'm not picking that shit up!"

But his complaints were turned into screams as chains shot out of the little cube and dug into his skin. They twisted and tore, tearing chunks of his burnt skin. After the pain, there came a blinding flash of light, and before Freddy could do anything else, he was sucked into the cube.

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [PART III] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

Once Freddy opened his eyes again all he saw were brick walls stained red with blood. The floor was also made of stone and ice cold. Without thought, he cursed. Where were everyone else? Were they trapped in this hell too? A shadow flashed in the corner of his eye. Freddy decided that it was best to go on alone.

Pretty soon he had gotten a hell of a headache; no matter how far he walked, the echoing sounds of chains could be heard, and occasionally a horrible scream. All he could think to do was to sit down on the floor. It was hopeless. There was nothing here other than stone walls and shadows, or at least that's what he thought before an annoying, nasally voice spoke.

"Pssst... Kruger? You okay?" Ghostface whispered as he approached him cautiously.

Freddy cursed. Really? Out of ever single fucking person in the world, it had to be Ghostface, that stupid, pansy-assed motherfucker...

"Yeah, I'm here, Fuckface. What's up with you? Find Jason or..." he frowned in thought and finally came up with, "...or the other one whose name I can never remember."

Ghostface nodded and plopped down next to him, along with Michael and Jason. Michael passed him a piece of paper that read, _You think that there is a way outta here?_

Jason:_ I doubt it. Krueger pissed Pinhead off so bad last night, I don't think he'll ever let us out of here._

"Wow, don't be overly optimistic or anything. There _has _to be a way outta here. I still wanna make a fool of Pinhead one last time before I send his sorry ass packing." Freddy said, distractedly snipping at the hem of his pants with his metal claws.

Ghostface snickered. "Yeah, I think someone finally pulled one over one you, Krueger. I think we'll be in here for a long time."

Freddy glared over at him and said, "Please, you stupid motherfucker. Nobody _ever _pulls one over on me. Never. The only thing that I'm confused about is how Pinhead trapped the rest of you here. I thought you were smarter than that, Myers."

Jason stifled a laugh and wrote: _Michael can't even spell 'smart'._

_Yes I can! _He scribbled back. _S-M-E-H-A-E-A-R-T-A-H._

Ghostface repeated to himself, "Sme-heart-ah? Jason, you're saying that Myers isn't sme-heart-ah? Cause I couldn't believe that." and he started laughing insanely. The only person who wasn't laughing was Freddy; he was too busy thinking of a way out.

Michael rolled his eyes and wrote with some air of smugness, _I know that I'm smart. Try not to be jelly-yas. Anyways, like I was saying, it was early, I had to do my business in the bathroom, it was almost the Pinhead's turn, so I let my guard down just for a second._

Jason: _That's what happened to me, too._

Once Ghostface had managed to get himself under control, he said, "Same for all of us."

At this point Freddy began laughing. The others stared at him, all seeming to be quite confused. When he finally pulled himself together the said, "Well, looks like I finally pulled one over on Pinhead." he dug in his pants pocket and brought out the cube. "I just realized that I had this! All we have to do is solve this bitch, then we're home free!"

Although Ghostface wore a mask, Freddy could tell that he had a skeptical look on his face. "That's a great plan in theory, but not only does it not make any sense what so ever, but-"

"Bitch!" Freddy exclaimed. "How does that not make sense?"

"Well, first of all, someone from the _outside _has to solve the cube to open it. Second, how is it that we're trapped in the cube, but the cube is still in your pocket?

"I...uh..." he took a second to think about it then shrugged and replied, "Well why are you still alive, you stipid dick-face? Stop poking holes in my wonderfully thought out plan and-"

Jason: _Do you even have a the slightest idea on how to solve it?_

Kruger nodded delightedly. "Before they sent me to this hell hole to live with you idiots, I memorized all of the _Hellraiser_ movies-even bought myself a fake cube to solve."

Jason: _So you memorized all of Pinhead's movies?_

He nodded enthusiastically.

He made a gurgling sound which, they all supposed was intended to be a scoff or chuckle and wrote on a slip of paper,_You are fucking nuts!_

"Ahh," Freddy said, smiling, "but that's where you're wrong, Voorhees! I'm a genius! I-"

"That's not an exaggeration at all." Ghostface muttered.

"—I knew that you would have a problem with me, Voorhees, after our last little encounter. I knew that you would want revenge after I-"

Michael: _But didn't Jason beat _you?

"-whooped your ass, so I studied your movies to know how I could kill you, and then Micheal's, Ghostface's, and Pinhead's."

Michael:_ It was smart, really. I never thought to do that. Now if he wants too he could kill us all. Hmm...that's not very comforting..._

Freddy nodded and stared smugly down at the cube he held in his burned hands. His smile faded into something like panic. The other slashers watched him intently as he twisted a section of the cube once, twice. Finally, though, his anger and confusion got the best of him, and he flung the cube against the wall. It clattered to the ground.

"That isn't the same cube...it's different!" he exclaimed in a panic. "It's got different pieces!"

Ghostface sighed in dismay. "Now we're never going to get outta here, you fucking retard!"

Jason rose to his feet and retrieved the cube. He cocked his head to one side as he observed it. Michael followed suit and then they exchanged glances. Michael snatched the cube; twisted it once, then twice. He passed it on to Jason. Meanwhile Ghostface and Freddy were yelling at the tops of their lungs, about how much they hated each other and listing the ways in which they wanted to kill the other one. Freddy smacked Ghostface in the face with his clawed hand. The slasher flew back against the wall, gripping his torn mask. He withdrew a knife from his theatrical black sleeve and shoved it deep into Freddy's chest.

The slasher removed the knife and yelled angrily, "Ghostface, you sorry motherfucker! I'll fucking murder you, bitch!"

Michael sighed, patted Jason on the shoulder, and went over to the other two slashers. As he tried to brake up the fight, Jason snapped the cube back into the correct place and held it up in the air victoriously. Freddy gasped and snatched the cube from him and cradled it in his crusty hands.

"How the hell? What the fuck did you _do, _you stupid motherfucker?" he cried happily. Ghostface rushed over and studied the cube himself, running his black, gloved fingers over it carefully. Michael cleared his throat.

_It wasn't just Jason, y'know. I helped to._

Jason: _Not really, Myers_. _If anything you just fucked it up more._

Ghostface laughed in his annoyingly high-pitched voice. "It doesn't matter who did it! We're as good as home now!" he said, spreading his arms wide, as if waiting to embrace the small, one-room apartment that they all shared.

But nothing happened. The slashers just stood there for about a minute before the looks of delight melted from their beaten and ugly faces. Michael scratched his head and took the cube back from Freddy's hands. Jason put his hands on his hips, looking as if he were deep in thought.

_What do you think went wrong? _He wrote. _We solved it, right? Shouldn't we be home now?_

Freddy gawked at the solved cube with and astonished look on his burnt face. "I-I...my plan! It was foolproof! It was _my _plan! It was perfect!"

Ghostface's astonishment changed into anger. He took the cube from Micheal's dirt-crusted hands and flung it against the wall, yelling, "Stupid motherfucker! Now we're totally fucked! What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

Michael went over, picked the cube up again, and ran his fingers over it tenderly. Jason furiously punched the wall, chipping it, and slumped down on the floor, pouting. It was then that Freddy let out a gasp and said, "H-hey Ghostface? You still got your cell phone?"

The masked slasher turned to him, breathing hard. "Yeah, so? It's probably all fucked up by now."

Freddy held out his hand. "Give it to me." Over by the wall, Michael couldn't help but chuckle.

_Give it to me..._he scribbled on a slip of paper that he passed on to Jason. _Get it? Huh? What Freddy just said?_

Jason rolled his eyes and wrote back: _Shut the fuck up, Michael! Dumb bitch..._

Freddy ignore them and snatched the cell phone. "Whaddre you doin'?" Ghostface asked, peering over the other slasher's shoulder and watching.

"Makin' a call..." Freddy muttered, punching in numbers. The phone rang...and rang...and rang...and rang...

[**AND RANG!]**

Finally Pinhead's voice came on the other line, sounding desperate. "What-what? Hello? Hello?"

Freddy smiled and growled into the phone, "Hey Pinhead, is this you, you sorry motherfucker?"

"Freddy? Is that you?"

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock, now listen here, you dildo-licking motherfucker. We got your cube and-"

"I knew I'd lost it!" and his voice faded a little as Pinhead yelled, "See, Chatterer? I _told _you that I hadn't left it in my other pair of leather pants![4]" and then he came back to the phone and said, "Give it back. Now!"

"Now hold on there, dipshit. You gotta get us out first, and we'll sure as hell give you your cube. Just let us out."

Pinhead sighed. "Fine, Krueger! You can have your way...for now."

With a bright flash and more pinching pain from chains digging into skin, Freddy and the others were back in the small, one-room apartment that they had come to call home. Pinhead loomed above him, glaring down hatefully at him. Expectantly he held out his pale hand and beckoned. Slowly Freddy held out the puzzle box, but snatched it back mockingly.

Freddy shook his head and smiled. "Na-uh, Pinass," he said mockingly.

"What? But you promised! We made a deal!" Pinhead pleaded, his black eyes glittering in the morning sunlight. "I have to have my cube! It's my thing!" Behind him Butterball and the Chatterer stood, both looking rather bored with their master.

No one in the room really understood the attachment—and almost sick obsession—that Pinhead had with that stupid puzzle box. He slept with it at night, he hugged it to him, he kept it in the crotch of his leather pants...he bathed with it...anyways, only Freddy knew. Why? Because the first night that Freddy had slept in the stupid apartment with Pinhead and the others, he had noticed just how close the slasher had held that stupid cube.

Of course, no one had really picked up on this, only Freddy. And no one much cared, which is why Ghostface laughed and slapped Freddy on the back, saying gleefully, "Nice going Krueger! Guess you're smarter than we thought!"

"Don't touch me, Fuckface," he said, turning his attention back to Pinhead, "Now, I'm giving you thirteen seconds to tell me why I shouldn't send your sorry asses back into this fucking cube."

The Chatterer just stood there chattering and Butterball made an angry grunting sound and stared at Pinhead, who was beginning to sweat a little. "Well...umm...we-"

"To late!" Freddy exclaimed as he threw the box up in the air

The puzzle box hovered there for a second then chains sprung out of it and dug into Pinhead's pale skin. He let out an agonized yell as the hooks on the chains peeled flesh from muscle. He was sucked back into the cube, screaming and writhing. The Chatterer went quietly, but Butterball twisted and fought in a desperate attempt to get away. Once the cube fell from the air it clattered to the ground. Freddy snatched it up and pressed his grizzled ear close to it; he laughed wickedly.

The deep, demonic voice of Pinhead could be heard echoing from within the confines up the cube. "I fucking swear, Krueger, when I get outta here you will be fucking sorry!"

Freddy's smile faded as he lowered the cube from his ear and carefully placed it under a couch cushion. Ghostface gazed at him for a little while before sighing and letting his shoulders slump. Michael and Jason both exchanged tired looks and went to sit down at the old kitchen table.

_Well, _Michael wrote, _g__uess that's over._

Jason: _Yeah, but I'm pretty hungry._

Ghostface went over to where Freddy stood by the couch and bowed his head. "So...guess that's that, huh?"

Freddy nodded tiredly. "Yep. Three down, only you three dildos[5] to go."

The slasher glanced at him alarmingly and hissed in his nasally voice, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged and turned to Michael and Jason, who were trying in vain to cook breakfast. "I mean that there's no way in _hell _that I'm living like this...forever?" he mumbled. The last word came out as a question, but Freddy quickly began shaking his head in denial. "Nope, no fucking way. Soon you're all gonna pay, but until then I only need to know one thing—who's turn is it in the bathroom?"

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [END] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

****A/N****

Here's how it's going to work; yeah, I will make a few cracks at God, at _Twilight, _at Miley Cyrus...Obama...whatever I type at the time. I don't script this shit, I just sit down and type, so I'm most likely not going to edit it out or censor it for your fragile little eyes unless it's really bad...and I mean _really _bad...

PLEASE NOTE if you have read one of the original, unrevised versions of _Scream For Me, _then know this—the new, corrected episodes will have new tidbits of conversation and also a few changes in the plot. They will be funnier, riskier, and just all around better than before. They will have a better flow, and appear better organized than the original episodes.

ANYONE NEW TO THE SERIES please know that I wrote the first good many of these episodes way back when I first started writing. They're not that good. They're full of repeating words and tragic errors and stuff that makes my stomach turn with embarrassment, but give it a chance. If anything, it'll give you a good laugh.

Thanks for reading.

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [REFERENCES] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**[1] **Yeah, I'll openly admit that I've always had a crush on Michael Myers.

This fact will become even more evident later. Sorry, but I do loves him.

And for the record, HE'S MINE. ^_^

**[2] **Pinhead's sort of henchmen. Offically called cenobites. Sorry, I tried to link images, but can't. Just Google it.

**[3] **No, any traditional non-talking slashers will never speak in _Scream For Me._

They will either write notes or think their thoughts. It's just a tradition in horror that I honor.

**[4] **Pinhead loves leather...what can I say? Yummy...? Or not?

**[5]** One of my fav shows is _Metalocalypse, _so I might throw in some

references from there. Yes, I know what a dildo is, so don't ask. -_-

**PEACE,**

**LOVE,**

**& REVIEWS.**

***[this episode has been revised]***


	2. Episode 2The Texas Chainsaw Misadventure

Episode 2-The Texas Chainsaw Misadventure

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"I'm so fucking _bored!" _Freddy howled as he kicked the back of Michael Myer's seat. Jason gritted his teeth together and clenched his fists angrily against the steering wheel of the old, painted Winnebago that was currently speeding down an old country Texas highway.

_Just five more gosh-danged miles until we're in at Wal-Mart..._Jason thought meaningfully as he pushed the gas pedals a little harder. Michael leaned forward a little and pointed at a meter on the dashboard with a concerned look under his plain-looking mask.

With a shaky hand he scratched onto a piece of paper, _I think that you should slow down-this van is old and not ready to run that fast, Voorhees._

Ghostface laughed childishly and began to pound away on the back of Jason's seat with his dusty shoes, "Yeah, well I'm hungry!"

Michael turned around in his seat and for one brief second Freddy stopped kicking it. Michael shoved a piece of paper at Ghostface and stared at him expectantly.

_What the living fuck in hell do you want me to do about it you ever loving queer?_

Ghostface handed the note off to Freddy who read it and laughed hysterically. Bitterly Jason pressed the gas pedal even harder, passing up a number of brambles and bushes and stirring up a fine line of dust behind the Winnebago.

With dismay Jason suddenly heard Freddy call out from the back with much relish, "I really have to piss..._bad!"_

Michael pounded his bony fists on the dash board angrily and grumbled. Although he didn't speak his meaning was clear; _God in hell, fuck it! God just fuck it then fuck me and bury me in a motherfucking pit! _

The only two talking slashers looked at each other and Ghostface elbowed Freddy in the ribs and whispered something that Kruger found hilarious. In his nasally voice Ghostface said dauntingly, "I gotta take a leak to, man! Guess that booze is finally getting to me!"

But suddenly the van jerked and belched; smoke began to flow steadily from its hood and Jason slammed on the brakes hard, so hard that they went out and they were left skidding along the dust old road, the shape of a gas station just peeking over the horizon.

Freddy howled out as his old seatbelt broke and he was flung onto the floor of the van and his face was buried in Ghostface's shoes. The whole Winnebago jerked one last time and finally came to a stop in the middle of the abandoned highway. Jason raised his hockey mask-clad head and wretched open the door. A few seconds later he returned, beckoning to Michael to follow him outside.

"What's wrong, Voorhees?" Freddy called out the window amused, "Wanting a little alone time with Myers? Don't fuck him too hard, now!"

"Yeah," Ghostface yelled, joining in the joke, "go easy on him! You know how scrawny ol' Michael is!"

Although Freddy hadn't expected it-usually slashers didn't talk-he became a little tiffed when Jason climbed moodily back into the van and didn't pay him any mind. Ghostface, however, was oblivious to anyone's feelings but his own and he persisted with the joke.

"Wow that was fast," he said laughing, "are you sure that you did it right?" and he burst out into obnoxious bursts of laughter; Jason didn't respond immediately just put his head down on the dash board of the Winnebago and gripped the steering wheel hard.

Freddy rolled his eyes and settled down in his seat as Michael walked up and tapped on the now cracked window, his evil black eyes glittering with anxiety. With much effort, Jason rolled down the window and they communicated silently:

Michael: _The motor's shot. Not going anywhere now..._

Jason: _No fucking way! Now what're we gonna do?_

Michael: _Nothing we can do. This road is deserted. All we can do is push the damn van to the nearest gas station and pray that they can fix it._

With a look of quiet desperation in his eyes Jason searched the parched horizon for any sign of salvation and pointed his rotting, ever dripping wet hand at a building that just peeked over the dusty clouds.

Jason: _What about that?_

Michael's gaze followed Jason's and he sighed heavily and nodded. Silently he walked to the back of the bus. Jason nodded also and motioned for Ghostface and Freddy to follow him outside.

It was blistering hot out; even the slight, rare breeze that sometimes stirred up the dust was hot and baked their skin. As soon as Freddy stepped outside and followed Jason to the back end of the Winnebago, he began to sweat profusely and with his clawed hand he wiped the sweat away from his eyes and put one hand on his hip.

"What do I have to do? I'm not pushing that motherfucking van all the way to that damn gas station!" he howled, watching the other slashers take their positions at the back of the van, ready to push. Ghostface glared at him from underneath his mask.

"Oh yes you will," he hissed, "this is not just our fucking van, Kruger, this van is yours to!"

Freddy shrugged and went back inside the van, in the driver's seat and crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. "I'll drive."

The others outside the van all exchanged looks but within a few seconds the van budged and slowly rolled in the direction of the gas station.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

They had to take turns steering from inside of the van, even though mostly that was Freddy's job, and eventually with much time and an extreme amount of dedication, the three slashers, plus the freeloading Freddy, got to the station.

"Wow," Ghostface muttered as they entered the old station that smelled of dead animal flesh and rotting eggs, "real nice place..."

Freddy jabbed him with his clawed hand then smiled at the aged woman who ran the gas station. "Shut it....umm...hello. We're just passing through-"

Michael: _Yeah. On the way to Wal-Mart. Can you imagine?_

"-and we are in need of-"

"Yer van broke down?" she asked accusingly as Jason took a step up to her counter and tapped at the glass that housed large hunks of pig flesh with flies buzzing round it. "Yep. See that happen a lot down here-but just don' come in this here town causin' no trouble cause we don' take kindly to that."

Jason: _Oh, no. That's not why we're here. Our van broke down and we need gas or a mechanic or something._

As the old woman read the scribbled note she looked up at Jason Voorhees puzzled and adjusted her glasses on her nose. "Now Sonny, what I don' understand is why you need our help. You're god damned big enough to fix yer own god damned van, ain't ye? Looked like you played some football in your day as a matter of fact-"

"Listen lady, it don't matter what the Hockey Puck did when he was younger, all that matters is that we get our van fixed. Got it?" Ghostface snapped, reaching inside of his sleeve for his legendary knife. The old woman smiled, knowing what trap she had caught them in.

With relish she shook her head and pointed at the door with one grizzled finger. "No. Why no, Sonny, I don't believe that Jesus himself could even fix yer van now. Not that it matters now...nothing matters now. Now get the hell outta my station a'fore I _make _you!"

Michael: _Wow, she was nice wasn't she?_

Jason: _It doesn't matter how nice she was. What matters is that we get our van fixed...god, Ghostface, why'd you have to go and say that?_

"Oh, sure! It's my fault!" Ghostface pouted, kicking up dust with his once perfectly shiny and black polished shoes. Freddy turned to him angrily and pimp slapped him across his black-and-white masked face. Ghostface reeled back and Michael hurried to help him up as Jason stood there glowering at them all.

"You motherfucking gigolo!" Ghostface howled as he got up to his feet with Michael's resentful help. His ghost-like mask now had little thin slits in it and blood streamed out from under it. Finally Jason came to his senses and slowly wrote in the dust:

_I'm gonna go look for help; there has to be someone in this motherfucking place who can help._

Michael nodded and walked up to the bigger slasher, seeming even shorter. _Yeah, me too. We better go quick though if we wanna be back before the sun goes down._

Freddy sighed and sat down in the middle of the parking lot, getting dust all over his dark pants and waved them off. "Well then go, you cock sucking preschoolers! We'll be waiting right here when you get back."

Jason wasn't listening anymore and neither was Michael. They had already started off down the road, heading to the little barn that stood a little further off down the road, maybe a mile. Ghostface sat down on the dust next to Freddy, cradling his bleeding cheek.

"Owww...that really hurt!" he whined, staring at Freddy through his ghostly mask.

"I've got a bad feeling about this place-it ain't right. Almost like something from a low-budget horror movie..." Freddy muttered more to himself than anyone else, staring off into the sunset that was forming on the horizon, a bloody red color.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_I don't like this place..._

Michael Myers wrote as he and Jason approached the old barn. Jason stopped and looked around the old yard with his hands on his hips; old, rusted cars surrounded the barn and he couldn't help noticing the things that lay in the grass. Fine little shards of bone, sometimes whole teeth. He shuddered but kept walking all the same.

Michael grabbed his shoulder with trembling hands. _This isn't a good idea. I think that we should just turn back now._

Jason's shining brown eyes scanned the scene and he shook his head. _No. Look around, it's dead round here. No one cares enough to demolish these cars...no one-what was that?_

Michael whirled around crazily and gasped. _What? Where? There's nothing here, Voorhees!_

_No, no. I saw something! _Jason wrote, stopping in his tracks and pushing Michael out of the way. From a nearby rusted car there came a high-pitched squeaking sound and for a second Jason thought that it was nothing but two teenagers fucking around but a large man dressed in a butcher's apron and rubber gloves burst out of the trunk of the car.

Although it didn't seem like a threat at first, the stranger brought out a chainsaw and brandished the killing machine above his head as he pulled the chord multiple times and made it sputter to life.

Jason didn't need to be told to run; within about two second he had started for Michael, grabbed his elbow and led him towards the dirt road.

Michael: _I thought you said that we weren't passing through Travis County, Voorhees!_

Jason: _I didn't!_

But before they could get past the junkyard of cars Jason's foot caught on a piece of scrap medal and he fell, feeling his hockey mask absorb most of the impact. Immediately he felt the chainsaw demolishing his flesh and chunking it up as it cut into his side, nearly cutting down to his spinal chord. He let out a gurgling scream and nearby Michael really did utter the first real human sound that Jason had ever heard him make-a real human scream.

Leatherface made a sick laughing sound as he went over to Michael who was trying to protect himself with his now pitiful-looking butcher knife. Leatherface lashed out with his foot and kicked the knife out of his hand and then took the tall but oddly un muscular Michael and hauled him over to a the branch of a tree and handcuffed him.

Once he was handcuffed, he hung Michael from a branch, letting his feet touch the ground. Leatherface's chainsaw was now smoking, but he ignored the thick blanket and cut the poor boy up the crotch, all the way to his abdomen. Michael let out one last cry then let his head drop onto his chest and his eyes close.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"They sure have been gone a long time...ya know, just to be looking for help..."

"Oh, shut up Ghostface," Freddy hissed, hugging his knees to his chest. The sun was gone now, far below the horizon and still there was so sign of Jason or Michael. "This sucks...hard balls. How are we supposed to move the whole whore-blowing Winni if we ain't got no muscle?"

Ghostface was indignant as he scoffed, "Puh-lease! Kruger, I can get that van moved well enough-"

"Oh god!" Freddy said as he yanked up Ghostface's sleeve to expose his pale and scrawny arm, "This ain't gonna cut it, G.F. This ain't gonna cut it at all. We gotta go look for him."

"What? Why?" Ghostface whined as he followed Freddy to the edge of the gas station's sidewalk, "Where are we gonna go?"

He shrugged and started walking down the road, his burned hands deep in his pants pockets. After awhile of walking in silence they came to an old barn but didn't stay there for long. Soon their attention came to an old house that lay just beyond the barn. Without hesitation Freddy made his way to it.

Ghostface grabbed his arm and stared at the house perilously. "No way, Kruger! No fucking way am I going in there!"

Freddy sighed and removed the arm from his shoulder and turned around. A police car with sirens blaring was coming down the highway towards them fast.

"Oh, shit," Freddy whispered as a police officer got out of the car with a sigh and made their way towards them. As he approached them, the smell of liquor and tobacco became distinct.

The sheriff wore a dull badge and smiled wryly. "Howdy there, boys. How's the road been treatin' ya?"

Ghostface leaned close to Freddy and muttered, "God, why does everyone down here talk like a hick?"

The sheriff's head snapped in his direction and his smile faded. "What you say boy? Ain't here to cause no trouble I hope...not like I been told ya done. Now I gotta arrest ya-"

"What?!" Freddy asked, staring at the old man with hate, "How can you arrest us when we haven't done nothing wrong?!"

"Whellp, I reckon that you and your lil' friend there was a'raisin' hell down at the gas station so now I gotta take ya in. C'mon, boy. Don't make this harder than it already is, now."

"B-but...jeez, Kruger, you were right-these people ain't right!" Ghostface said. The sheriff smiled and shook his head. With his pointy-toed boots he kicked at some dust and it dissolved into a little cloud then disappeared. From behind him a large, looming shape came creeping up from the darkness of night.

Ghostface reached over and tapped Freddy on his shoulder, backing away slightly. "W-what is _that _thing?"

"Oh c'mon now! That ain't no way to be; this here's just ol' Thomas Brown Hewitt. Whadya say, Tom? Been getting some heads tonight, boy?" the Sheriff asked the looming figure who nodded politely then pulled on a chord; a chainsaw roared to life.

The old man laughed wretchedly and pointed at Freddy and Ghostface and howled madly, "Go get 'em, Hewitt! Ain't got ferever!"

Leatherface ran away from behind the Sheriff and lifted his chainsaw in the air and towards the two slashers. Instinctively Freddy yanked Ghostface out of the way of the chainsaw and into the long grass that bordered the Hewitt house.

While Leatherface stood where they had just been standing, looking around wildly and grasping his chainsaw as the sheriff yelled at him.

Timidly Freddy reached over and felt for any sign of Ghostface and felt a smooth piece of black fabric; a piece of Ghostface's costume. _Oh well, _Freddy thought as he jumped to his feet ran off a ways, in the direction of the woods.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Once Ghostface realized what was happening his head popped up from the long grass and Leatherface stopped whirling around and around and stared dead at him. With a roar he started towards him, waving his chainsaw high in the air.

"No, wait!" Ghostface yelled as the chainsaw cut deep into his back, through anything and everything; flesh, blood, bones, and tissues. As the warm blood seeped out of his wounds he felt the breath leave his lungs and his head dropped onto the ground, getting dirt onto his black-and-white mask.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! Oh ever loving shit..." Freddy muttered to himself as he ran wildly through the woods, past fallen trees and over some body parts like teeth and tongues. Behind him the distant, psychotic whirring of a chainsaw sounded unwaveringly.

Unable to move another step, he stopped in the middle of the forest, panting hard and looked around with a dazed look; the chainsaw was drawing closer now, he could see the smoke illuminated in the moonlight.

With one last desperate sigh he slid behind a tree and held what little breath he had left to gather. Wiping the seat from his forehead he peeked out from behind the thick-trunked tree and peered at Leatherface with a cautious interest.

He stood there with a quiet expression under his mask made of human skins. Freddy gasped as a whisper of breath escaped his lips and he coughed. Leatherface swung his head in his direction and his shifty eyes glared at him as he thrust the chainsaw deep between his ribs, making the blood flow.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Dripping. Dripping. Dripping. A constant dripping, driving Freddy Kruger mad. He awoke in Thomas Hewitt's dark, dripping cellar, smelling rot and pure disgust. He shuddered, observing the gray new morning light that now streamed in from the blinds. Suddenly a scrap of paper flew in front of him; a note open and ready to read.

Jason: _Hey, Kruger. Glad you decided to join us._

Freddy looked around and saw Jason hanging by a pair of handcuffs from a metal fan on the ceiling. "Hey," he whispered just loud enough for Jason to hear him, "hey, Hockey Puck?! Where are we?"

Another note fell at his feet.

Jason: _In Leatherface's basement, of course! We have to get out now! Soon Leatherface will be back to kill us..._

"Hold on," Freddy hissed as he looked around at the bathtub that he was sitting in, full of chilling water. With one last exertion of his strength he hauled himself out and landed sopping wet on the floor, gasping for breath.

With his one clawed hand he worked his fingers around and cut the rope that had been binding them and ran over to where Jason was hanging and sawed off his bindings as well then motioned over to Michael.

"You...go get him now because he is the strongest besides you and haul his ass outta here; I'll get Ghostface."

Jason nodded quickly and fell to his knees as his ropes were untied. With an agility and quietness that was unique to people of his gigantic size, he made his way over to Michael Myers and untied him as Freddy cursed and fumbled to save Ghostface.

A steady thumping like the sound of footsteps was coming to them now, as was the sound of shouting and conversation.

"Shit! Holy fuck balls, Voorhees will you come help me please?" Freddy called to his companion. Jason turned and nodded, Michael slung over his shoulder.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface's limp body fell onto the wet ground and made a loud splashing noise just as Leatherface entered his underground domain. Behind him he lugged a heavy chainsaw and a dead corpse but he dropped both of these as he saw that Freddy and the others had escaped.

In a panicked frenzy, he raced to pull the chord on the chainsaw but Freddy had already slipped past him and out the door; Jason being to big to squeeze past him had simply tackled Leatherface, sending him sprawling on the ground.

Out the basement they ran like madmen and past the shocked faces of the rest of what Freddy assumed was the Hewitt family-including the sheriff-and into the gathering daylight. It soon became a chore to haul Ghostface's limp frame but it wasn't nearly as bad as having to haul Michael's around, making the poor boy's feet drag the ground because he was so tall.

As the Winnebago came into view Freddy quickened his pace and wretched open the door. Throwing Ghostface's body into the back he jumped into the drivers seat and observed the now full gas meter with a satisfied smile. Jason flung Michael's body into the back unceremoniously and joined Freddy in the front seat with a relieved look on his masked face as the van rolled out of sight and Leatherface was left standing in the dust.

With a shaky hand he dug out a scrap piece of paper out of the breast pocket of his long-sleeved shirt and scribbled something on it.

_So. We still need to go to Wal-Mart, you know? For the Cocoa Puffs._

Freddy sighed and removed his signature top hat and put it on the dash board lovingly. "Yeah, well. I guess we'll just have to make a quick trip a little later."

"Hey..." Ghostface said groggily from the backseat, "what happened?"

Since Jason was too tired to write any more notes, Freddy told him everything and Ghostface just listened and nodded. Finally he asked, "But we're horror movie killers...we can't die, remember?"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

After about an hour of driving down the highway back the way they had come at an immeasurable rate, another van nearly hit them; a van full of teenagers. Three boys and two girls, all heading in Leatherface's direction...Freddy didn't say a word.


	3. Episode 3The Exorcism Unleashed

Episode 3-The Exorcism Unleashed

* * *

"No way am I watching the _Secret Life of the American Teenager_, you stupid fuck!" Freddy howled as Michael flipped the T.V. onto channel 32. Just as another brawl broke out within the sanctity of room number 3113 of Wimbleton Apartments, the only phone in the entire room rang. The ring tone _The End _by the Doors rang out loud and clear;

_[Ride the snake, ride the snake_

_To the lake, the ancient lake, baby_

_The snake is long, seven miles_

_Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold]_

The others cringed at the brief memories of the acid rock scene as Ghostface raced to answer his phone. "Hello?"

Although the other slashers couldn't hear the conversation, they knew it wasn't good. It was never good. Ghostface nodded, cleaned his fingernails with his knife and chuckled nervously as he talked on the phone. Finally when the conversation was over he turned to Freddy, Michael, and Jason. Under his mask he smiled awkwardly.

"So, apparently we're going to be having company in an hour or so."

Freddy's eyes snapped open, and he awoke from the nap that he'd been having. He narrowed his eyes at Ghostface. "What kind of company? We just had to get rid of _company! _I'm not exactly in a visiting mood."

The slasher cleared his throat and looked down at his costume, at the ragged, black fabric and distractedly twisted it in his pale and bony hands. Under his breath he muttered, "Umm...special kinda company...nothing important..."

Jason: _What?_

Ghostface snapped, "We're having a preacher come over, okay? He needs me to pay him back a favor. He's gotten me out of lots of tight spots, so play it cool, all right?"

Michael: _W__hat does this preacher plan on doing while he's here?_

Jason: _Or better yet, what's he going to make __us__do?_

"Really, it's no big deal," Ghostface insisted as he got up and went into the kitchen to look out the window. "He won't ask for much, he just wants us to do a standard-" his voice became low again "-exorcism."

"A standard what?" Freddy demanded, switching off the T.V. in preparation for the confrontation that was sure to come.

He hesitated before repeating it, knowing what it would bring. "An exorcism, nothing major, just a standard-"

All of the slashers let out cries of rebellion. Jason made a gruesome rumbling noise from beneath his mask and Michael literally abandoned his code of silence-or at least came close to abandoning it-and sighed dramatically. Freddy just settled on uttering every curse word under the sun. He even invented a few new ones. At last he was calm enough to put a sentence together. "What the fuck is considered a 'standard exorcism'? Don't they have to get oh, I dunno, _professionals _to do that kind of shit?" he roared, wrapping his hands around Ghostface's neck and choking him.

Jason sighed, pulled the two apart, then wrote, _Maybe we should just let Ghostface handle this one by himself._

Michael nodded and restrained himself from also stabbing the ever loving shit out of Ghostface. _Yeah, this seems like his thing._

"Hey, I pay one-fourth of the rent! If you guys don't help me then I'm out on the street and you guys are stuck getting jobs to pay it."

Freddy's mind reeled at the thought of having to get a job, and he brooded. "Yeah, that's true. God damn it! I guess we're stuck bailing your ass out, Fuckface."

Ghostface smiled victoriously and then went back by the window to wait for the preacher.

{}{}{}{}{}

A few hours later a knock came at the door and Freddy was the one who answered it. It was the preacher, looking solemn in his black robes. As he walked into the apartment he looked around and wrinkled his nose."Well, this is certainly a nice set up you got here, brother Ghostface." the preacher said in an odd, quiet way. He walked over to the couch and sat down. After a second he said, "The girl, she needs help. Can you assist me, brother Ghostface?"

He nodded and then reluctantly went out the door and looked around for the aforementioned girl. Seeing nothing, he inquired, "She's in your car or something? You want me to go get her?"

Slyly the preacher smiled and nodded. "Oh yes, brother Ghostface. That would be lovely, just lovely."

The two left the apartment for a while. Once he was sure that the preacher was gone, Michael wrote down gloomily, _I don't like anything to do with religion—the stupid Bible-book, the praying, the blood rituals..._

Jason gave him an odd look. _Blood rituals? Just what kind of church were you going to, Myers?_

"Will you two fags just shut the fuck up?" Freddy demanded, slamming his fist down on the couch in frustration. "It's bad enough that we're stuck doing this, but I don't feel like putting up with you two." They all grew silent, wondering just what they were in for.

{}{}{}{}{}

"Okay," the preacher said as he promptly backed away from the possessed girl, who was now securely strapped to the couch, "that should just about do it. Now remember, brother Ghostface, it's always prayer, holy water, prayer, got it?"

Ghostface looked at the girl warily and nodded, "Uh yeah, I think so. When did you say that you'd be back for her again?"

He though for a second then responded, "Tomorrow at about seven-ish. That okay? Good!" hurriedly he rushed out of the tiny one-room apartment leaving Ghostface, Freddy, Jason and Michael alone with the girl. Just before his voice faded out of earshot, they could distinctly hear him shouting out, "Praise be to God, she's finally gone!"

After a moment or two, Freddy clapped his hands and switched back on the T.V. "Okay then, looks like it's your time to shine, Fuckface."

The slasher whined, "What? I thought you said that you would help me! What about my cut of the rent? If I get hurt doing this, then-"

"Fine, then Michael and Jason will help you, right guys?" Jason and Michael deliberately shook their heads, but Freddy ignored them, "There, you see? Jason and Michael can exercise the hell outta that bitch."

Ghostface shook his head and childishly tugged on the sleeve of Freddy's sweater. "No way, you _promised! _Please, I'll pay you back double this month's rent, I swear!"

Freddy thought about it; the going rate for rent was about 35.00 a month...sure, it was a fair deal. Now he wouldn't have to work to earn his next month's rent. With a smile he got up, shrugged Ghostface off of him, then went over to get his dusty, abused bible.

"Fine, I'll help your sorry ass out this one time, but never again. This is a one time thing. Now here-" he thrust the bible into Ghostface's hands, "-read it out loud and get it over with."

Jason and Michael came over as well, just to watch the show, but Freddy threw two little bottles of holy water at them and motioned to the girl, "Dump it, but don't waste it because it's all we got to do the job."

Jason: _I thought that you said that Ghostface was on his own!_

Freddy shrugged and got himself another tattered bible to read. "Well I lied, now shut up and go over there to sprinkle the God damned water. Michael, stop glaring at me like that, it makes me feel squeamish—you go over there behind Ghostface in case the chick decides to puke or something."

Once they were all in place, Freddy was the first one to read. The girl just stared into space, not caring what was going on until about five minutes in, then she began squirming uncomfortably. Twisting and retching, she tried to free herself from the bonds that held her to the old, raggedy couch. Finally, realizing that she wouldn't be able to free herself, she began spouting out insults at all of them, starting unwittingly with Freddy. "What a bitch...what's wrong, Kruger? Mad because you can't molest any more fucking children? Huh?"

Freddy had managed to ignore her up to that point, but now he stopped, slammed the bible to the floor and shouted, "God, will you just shut the fuck up?"

Behind him Ghostface laughed, so she started insulting him. "Shut up, ass-breath! Who are you anyway?"

Ghostface stopped laughing and sniffled, obviously hurt by this remark. "I'm from _Scream_. It's a classic."

"You're gay. Scream at what, your face?"

Jason sighed and rolled his eyes as Ghostface began to sob and run into the bathroom; he held him back. _Relax, nothing she says makes sense anyway._

"Voorhees and Myers sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-"

Jason's eyes grew wide and under his mask his face became red. _No, _he wrote down, _stop singing that!_

The girl continued. "Your boyfriend looks a little pale, Voorhees. I think that he's about to pass out!" she said, indicating Michael.

_We're not gay! Why does everyone think that? _Voorhees scribbled.

_And we do not kiss! _Michael wrote down.

Suddenly the possessed girl screamed out at Jason, "Your mother sucks cocks in hell, Voorhees!" In frustration-but mostly because he was getting a headache-Michael walked right up to her and started dumping his whole bottle of holy water on her. She screamed even louder and pulled at the bonds even more, then glared at Michael who had now snatched Jason's holy water and was dumping that on her too.

She gagged and finally launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, half laughing, half gagging as she did so. Michael was soaked, and although his white, expressionless mask hadn't changed, his eyes were full of horror and disgust. Without warning he dropped the holy water, gripped his stomach, and vomited too. Pretty soon everyone in the whole room was puking and shuddering and Freddy decided that it would be best if they took a break.

Soon they were all cleaned up and back in their places, though a little more aware this time. Ghostface shakily began to read from the bible. The possessed girl sighed in exhaustion and said, "C'mon! Can't we take a break?"

Michael: _We just had a break!_

Jason shuddered and nodded, hugging himself as if that would save him from the girl's projectile vomit. However, now she didn't look sick; in fact she looked a little better. Her eyes still looked frightful, though. She ignored Michael and the trembling Jason and even the tired-looking Freddy. Talking to Ghostface she said again, "Can't we take a break and maybe get breakfast? I'm hungry."

He stopped reading and sighed. He put the bible down on the couch, sat down, and closed his eyes to think for a second. "Well then why don't you just stop possessing this girl? It sure would be a lot easier."

"Well..." she thought of it for a second then, "where would I go?"

Jason: _There's this chick that lives on the floor below us. I'm sure that she could help._

Michael: _Who, Carrie? No, she doesn't need any more help. She's fucked up enough._

"What about the preacher?" Freddy suggested.

Ghostface shook his head and slowly reached into his sleeve for his knife. "Well, I guess we'll just have to do this the hard way." Then as quickly as he could manage, he jumped up and pushed the knife through the possessed girl's ribs.

Freddy laughed, untied the dead girl, and shoved her at Jason. "Go and get rid of the bitch."

Jason: _How? We can't exactly take her out and put her in the-_

Michael snatched the corpse, went over to the window, forced it open, and threw the corpse out. _There, _he wrote, _that's done. Now I'm hungry...who's fixing breakfast?_

Freddy shook his head slowly and muttered, "That is _so _wrong, Myers. So wrong."

* * *

***[this episode has been revised]***


	4. Episode 4The Everlasting Grudge

Episode 4-The Everlasting Grudge

* * *

"Well, this sucks." Ghostface muttered as he lazily flipped through the channels. It's amazing how you can be home the entire day with a huge, sixty-inch t.v. and have nothing to watch. Freddy angrily snatched the remote away from him and began to flip through the channels himself.

"Ah let's see here..._Spongebob_...ugh _Hannah Montana-_who the fuck watches that shit?" he muttered to himself. On the floor of the dingy apartment Michael sat lazily picking at his fingernails with his large kitchen knife and Jason was looking off into space as he often does on days such as this. Everything was quiet for a while as the _Spongebob _theme song blared out through the room. It was then that Freddy suddenly said, "We _gotta _find something to do!"

Jason: _Yeah, like what? There's nothing we __can__ do._

Michael: _We could throw eggs at the people from off the balcony or something._

"Why don't we just prank call the chick who lives on the floor below us? That'd be just as fun." Ghostface said lazily as he yawned and stretched out on the couch. Freddy smiled, nodded, then punched Ghostface in his ribs. "Ow! Hey, what the-"

"Gimme your phone, Fuckface."

Ghostface was surprised, but he slowly brought out his phone all the same, being very careful with it. "Please," he begged as Freddy snatched it, "don't break it or throw it out the window like you did the last time."

"Ssshhh! I'm making a call!" Freddy hissed as he put the phone to his charred ear. It rang and it rang, and yes, it rang some more but finally someone picked it up. It was a raspy, choking voice, and in the background the crazy meowing sound of an angry cat could be heard; Freddy ignored it and yelled into the phone, "You shouldn't have answered the phone, dumb asshole! I hope that you go to hell!" and he clicked the phone shut, then threw it back at Ghostface. The others stared at him. Finally Freddy sighed and asked, "What?"

Michael: _Dude, that was seriously weak._

"Then why don't you do something better? Oh, that's right, you can't because you can't talk. Ha! That's funny."

Michael and Jason gave each other sideways glances; Jason motioned for Ghostface to give him back the phone, which he did, and he called the number again. He didn't say anything just breathed creepily into the phone and hung up. When he tossed it back at Ghostface, Michael gave him a high five and wrote, _It's a classic-gets them scared every time!_

Ghostface scoffed and dialed the number for yet a third time. "God, you stupid sons of bitches. I can't believe I have to teach you people how to make a good prank call...God damn it all..."

{}{}{}{}{}

By the time it was 4 P.M. they had made at least forty-three calls to the random number, but finally decided to stop when Ghostface got hungry and insisted that Freddy use some of his extra rent money from the exorcist adventure to buy pizza.

"Thanks for buying pizza, Kruger." Ghostface said as he stuffed the food underneath his mask. It was actually rather comical at how the masked killers ate. Even though it seemed to take them twice as long, they never abandoned their masks. Just then Ghostface's cell phone rang. He sighed and answered it. "Yeah, what?"

It was a sort of strangled, choking sound that he heard. "Ahhhhhhh..."

He yelled into the phone, "I told you to take my name off the list! I don't even have any credit cards and even if I did I wouldn't want their interest rates lowered...at least I don't think that I would..." he slammed the phone shut and picked up his pizza slice again.

Jason: _Who was that?_

Ghostface shrugged, clearly unconcerned with the situation, and said, "Ah, just some telemarketers or something. They wanted to lower my interest rates."

Michael: _What interest rates?_

"Credit cards or something. I don't-" his phone rang again and he answered it."What? Hello? I don't want any-"

"Ahhhhh..."

"What?"

"Ahhh..."

"Huh?"

"Ahh..."

"Goodbye!" he yelled and hung up for the last time. Freddy stared at him then reached for another slice of pizza.

"Hey, Fuckface? What number did you say that we called again earlier? 'Cause maybe-holy shit!" as he reached into the pizza box, a decayed, dead-looking hand materialized out of it and snatched all the remaining pizza. He gasped and instinctively slashed the air with his clawed hand. "What was that?"

The others looked at him obliviously. Jason: _What was what, Kruger?_

Freddy pointed to the pizza box and said as if the hand was still there, "That-that hand or whatever! It was right there! How did you not see it?"

The others didn't answer, just stared at each other as though they had all expected Freddy to have some kind of mental breakdown eventually. Finally Michael found a piece of paper and wrote: _I think that you've had enough pizza, Freddy._

{}{}{}{}{}

The whole rest of the night Freddy was paranoid. Of course the others hadn't believed his story, but that was their loss, Freddy decided. Whenever the whole damn apartment came crashing down he would be there to say 'I told you so', as childish as it may seem. That night, at around seven, Michael decided that he would make use of his shower time. He went into the bathroom and began his normal routine when, in the middle of shampooing his hair-his real hair because he only took his mask off in the shower-he felt something mysterious in the back of his head, something like fingers.

Sighing as if he'd had it happen all before, he turned off the shower, went over to the mirror, and tried to get a good look at it; there was nothing there now, but suddenly a pale girl with distinctly Asian features and long, black, straight hair that was hanging in her face appeared mirror—Kayako. She even made the same choked-up noise that she had made when Ghostface had talked to her on the phone. Backing away, Michael grabbed a bottle of shampoo and flung it at the apparition, shattering the mirror.

Within a few seconds the others had showed up and were looking around wildly as Michael stood dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his waist—of course he was also covering his face since he wasn't wearing a mask. Jason sighed and rolled his eyes. He went over and got Michael a towel, so that he could better conceal his face. _What did you do now, Myers? Now we all have to chip in to buy a new mirror!_

"God damn it, Michael! Look, the tub is full of blood! God just fuck me now...what did you do?"

Michael looked quite funny with the towel covering his face. He adjusted it just so that he could breath a little better, dipped his fingers in the bloody water, and wrote on the wall; _There was a hand in the back of my head._

Ghostface laughed nervously and joked, "Stuff in the back of your head? That's not so unusual. Your doctor did say that you were schizophrenic or something right, Myers?"

Michael shook his head, but let Jason push him aside to try and get the blood out of the tub. Voorhees pulled up his sleeve and with his black-polished fingernails, stuck his arm in the mess. After a second or so he brought up a long clot of black, straight hair. Michael gasped and pointed. _That's it! That's her hair!_

"What? Who's _her?_ What the hell is going on around here?" Freddy sighed and scratched his head with his clawed hand. Ghostface shifted uncomfortably in his shoes and cleared his throat. Freddy snapped at him, "What? What do you know, motherfucker?"

"Remember those prank calls that we made earlier today?"

"Yeah, sure, the ones that we all made, right?"

"Well, I may have called her back because I got bored again...like, two or twenty more times..."

Jason: _Oh God, are you serious?_

"Yeah, I'm sorry, okay? I just hung up on them and..." From outside, way outside, there came a banging on the from door. They all stared at each other, knowing what was about to happen.

"Ghostface, what did you do?" Freddy hissed as he hurried over to close the bathroom door, just in case.

He hesitated then admitted, "I may have made a teeny tiny mistake."

The banging became louder and more insistent. Jason peeked out the door, but quickly closed it again. _What number did you say that we prank called again?_

Ghostface laughed nervously and fingered his knife. "Uh yeah, funny story about that-it was the girl who lives on the floor below us, and I think that it might have been Kayako, the grudge girl."

Michael: _So Kayako's hand was sticking out of my head?_

"Shut up, Myers! What do you mean 'may have been'?"

"Yeah, was—is—outside-"

Before anything else could be said, a pale, grotesque arm burst through the door and two dark rimmed eyes stared at them, sparkling in the light. They all staggered back. Jason: _H__oly shit._

"Get back! I don't know why, but I'm sure that this isn't a good thing!" Freddy howled as he candidly jumped into the blood-filled tub. Jason and Michael did the same, resentfully letting Ghostface in.

"What do we do?" Ghostface howled as the hands reached the knob and managed to unlock the door.

Michael: _She's got a grudge against you, so why don't you just apologize?_

When Ghostface protested, Freddy pushed him out the tub as he, Jason and Michael cowered in the corner of the tub. Ghostface landed on his face, right in front of Kayako. Her eyes became wide and vengeful and she reached out to him. "Ahhhh..."

Behind her the boy who sounded like a cat meowed and hissed frightfully as Ghostface staggered back and slashed the air with his knife; when it had no effect, he threw away what little pride he had left and bellowed, "I'm sorry!"

The whole world seemed to freeze as she stopped crawling along the ground like a spider, and the boy stopped meowing. She stopped making those frantic choking noises and asked like a normal Asian girl, "W-what?"

He said it again; "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry or whatever."

She laughed and stood up, dusted off her gown, and went over to grab the little boy's hand. She lead him out of the apartment. "Well, jeez!" she called as she went out the wrecked front door," All you had to do was say so!"

All of the room was silent as she left, hauling the little cat-boy behind her although he still looked murderous. Ghostface let out a little laugh and stood up, ignoring the fact that the others were standing in a bath full of blood.

"Well, I guess I fixed it!" he said in an almost victorious way as he put the knife back in his sleeve.

Freddy stepped out of the bath and smacked him upside the head, muttering, "Pansy-assed motherfucker." And he walked out the bathroom.

Jason did the same and shoved a note in Ghostface's hands, _Fuck you, bitch._

And so did Michael, except he went over to the counter to get his mask then shoved the note at him. _You're kicked out of the apartment, stupid fuck._

As Ghostface stood there, his arms limp at his sides, Freddy popped his head back into the bathroom and said brightly, "Oh yeah, and you're gonna have to buy a new mirror since, as usual, all of this was your fault. Don't forget wash the blood out of the tub while you're at it."

"But I-"

"Look, just do it."

* * *

***[this episode has been revised]***


	5. Episode 5Doc Loomis & the Trial

Episode 5-Doc Loomis and the Trial

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Let go of the remote, fuck face!"

"No! It's my turn to watch T.V.!"

Freddy sighed but his grip on the remote control didn't lessen. "Yeah and that would be okay if you didn't always pick something gay to watch..."

Jason sighed and snatched the remote away from both of them with a sneer. _There, _he wrote on a piece of paper, _now it's mine. Now will you two shut up?_

Freddy glared at him but settled down and sank into the sofa. "Fine," he muttered, "I didn't wanna watch T.V. Noways."

Michael Myers sighed heavily as Jason flipped slowly through the channels, finally deciding to settle on AMC. It was quite awhile before anything else was said. Since the group's last little misadventure there hadn't been many brotherly feelings among them.

In fact it seemed that the only two alliances, if it could be called that, were between the non-talkers and the talkers. But still, everyone still seemed to hate each other. And it also seemed like it would take a miracle to bring them together again-if they ever could have been considered 'together' in the past, that is.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Later that night they all sat on opposite sides of the one-roomed apartment eating, as always, their pizza. It was a quiet affair. But with only two talking killers it usually was anyway. It was clearly a difficult thing for Ghostface not to speak one word. With everything that happened in the apartment, he had a comment. Finally he was the one to break the silence.

"So...I'm really sorry about that whole..._grudge _business. It was my bad and I-"

Michael: _Oh would you just shut up?_

"No I won't Michael. Just because you're in a crappy mood doesn't mean that we all are." Ghostface retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. On the other side of the packed room, Freddy sighed and rolled his eyes, simply oozing sarcasm.

"If we are in a crappy mood, then do we have an excuse not to talk?"

Jason chuckled to himself and passed Michael a note; he read it and they laughed. Ghostface sulked in his corner and lifted up his mask and nibbled on some of his pizza. Then, from out of the silence there came an echoing knock at the door. They all gasped a little and jumped; Freddy sighed and went to answer the door.

He opened it cautiously, afraid of what might be on the other side. After all, things hadn't been relatively safe lately. It was an old man, with a balding head and burn scars on one side of his face. He was rather short and had a sort of belly but also looked like he had survived through a lot. Upon looking up and seeing Freddy he smiled and held out a gloved hand.

"Why hello. If I may so trouble you to ask-"

In a cautious way but still trying to have and edge to his voice Freddy asked, "A-are you selling anything? Cause we ain't got no money to buy, but please don't set our apartment on fire. I-"

The old man laughed and shook his head. "Oh no, no, no. I'm afraid that I'm here on more...personal business..." From behind him there stepped to officers, both having firm grips on their guns. Freddy would have raised his eyebrows if he had had any; but sadly they had been all burnt off. He just laughed nervously.

"Ha, ha...umm...what did you say that your name was again, mister?"

"Oh!" the old man held out a business card and read it aloud, "please excuse me...Loomis. Dr. Sam Loomis. I believe-" he peered over Freddy's shoulder to try and see inside the apartment "-that the Smith's Grove patient Michael Myers? I-"

Freddy's eyes lit up at the thought of getting one of his roommates out the apartment...less bathroom time to share, less pizza to sacrifice...He nodded and motioned inside the apartment, whispering, "Yeah, yeah! He's right in there! You want me to go...get him?"

Loomis shook his head and pointed to the officers. "Heavens no! Michael Myers is an endangerment to your life and the life of others-"

"Do I really look like I have much 'life' left in me, man?"

"All the same," Loomis said, smiling, "it would be nice not to have these officers slaughtered and the perimeter of this entire building swarming with police officers and news crews..."

Freddy looked back over his shoulder, who indeed was trying to see who was at the door with a sort of nervous look in his glistening black, evil eyes. Freddy smiled evilly, wickedly and whispered back to the doctor, "Okay. So if I bring him out then do you think that Tweedledum and Tweedledee can get him back to the...whatever it is-"

"Mental institution, yes."

"Yeah, yeah, mental whatever without him breaking out again to maim us?"

Dr. Loomis stared into Freddy's oddly hopeful eyes then nodded. "Yes, I'm fairly sure."

Suddenly Ghostface popped up behind Freddy and said in his frustrating voice, "Hey...whacha doing, Kruger?"

Freddy hissed in the lowest tone possible, "Shut up and go sit down _fuck face."_

Loomis sighed and looked at the watch that was on his wrist; "Excuse me, but if you want us to take Michael without using much force then I suggest that you-"

"Take Michael? Where?" Ghostface asked, now whispering also. Inside of the apartment Jason and Michael Myers exchanged glances and tried to peer out of the door.

A second later Freddy pushed Ghostface away from the door and said loudly, "Mikey, visitor!"

Although he was cautious, he couldn't help but be curios as he slowly got to his feet and went to the door, leaving Jason behind him staring suspiciously at Freddy and Ghostface. But Jason didn't think that is was important enough to get up for and so he quietly settled back into his place.

A few seconds later sounds of struggle came from the hallway and Freddy and Ghostface erupted into laughter, waved out the door, and then both came back inside, looking thoroughly pleased with themselves. Jason glared at them and threw a scrap of paper at Freddy.

_Who was that? Where is Michael?_

Ghostface read it and the two stared at each other and burst out laughing again then lazily flipped through the channels on the T.V.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Great. He had spent most of the past few months trying to stay out of this kind of trouble, but now he was back in it. In the same place. Two days later, once Michael Myers' meds had worn off, he found himself sitting in a jail cell in Smith's Grove, Illinois.

They had strapped him down to a stretcher and were rolling him inside the institution, removing the legendary white, expressionless mask from his face and replacing it with a thin layer of bandages. As they rolled him out of the ambulance, his ears were met with a flurry of media and reporters' voices.

They asked Dr. Loomis several questions, though all were similar and all winding down to one all-important question; "Will Michael Myers get out again?"

"No comment," Loomis told all the reporters as he rushed to keep up with the medics that were wheeling Michael through the doors of the institution. Although he couldn't see it, Loomis leaned down very close to Michael and whispered, "Don't worry, Michael; I'm sure that after all of this they'll give you the death penalty. It seems that at this point that's the only thing that will get rid of this..._rage _that feeds inside you-"

Michael tried to ask him what 'rage' he was talking about, tried to tell him that the only 'rage' that he was feeling was being cause not of the knowledge of his still living relatives, but of the fact that he had been dragged from his home and sent once again to the loony bin for doing nothing wrong...then yeah, he was raging it up. Why not? It's not like he had ever had much of an excuse to be_ happy. _Hell no.

But as soon as he found that his vocal chords were ready to speak for the first time in years, he felt a sharp prick of a needle against the bare flesh of his left arm. Shuttering, he felt his eyes close and his irregularly beating heart slow. He fell asleep.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Days later and Michael still hadn't broken free and come running back into number 1331 Wimbleton Apartments, Freddy began to worry; Jason was getting extremely pissed off with each passing day that he woke up and Michael wasn't there. Since both Myers and Voorhees were silent killers, they were the only company for each other, although they still despised each other.

Finally, on the fourth day of Myers being gone, Freddy decided that they had better go and get him out. Especially when he flipped on the T.V. And discovered the top news story of the day; Haddonfield's Most Notorious Serial Killer Caught; Sentenced to Death.

He gasped and kicked Ghostface, trying to awaken him from his perfect night's sleep. Ghostface grunted but turned over and rubbed his head. "What?"

Freddy pointed to the T.V. As Jason glared at him from across the room, at the table. "I uh...think that it's time that we went and got ol' Michael from his little...ah _predicament-"_

Jason angrily tossed him a note as he sipped on his coffee. _Where is he exactly?_

Ghostface laughed and said, "In Illinois...Smith's Grove, I believe the doctor said"

Freddy nodded and got up from where he sat. From the counter by the fridge he got the keys and went out the door, calling back to them. "I'll meet you guys in the car. Besides, our rent is overdue and none of us can chip in a little extra to pay for Myers' cut."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

By the time that Freddy and the other killers had crossed the Smith's Grove sign in the old, beat-up Winnebago, the trial was already in process. Since the people were eager to convict him, and the verdict was clearly guilt, the elected judge of the case decided to get it over with as soon a possible, to lessen Michael's chances of escape.

Even Michael himself thought that this was a good strategy considering the fact that it took him at least a week at the most to think of an escape plan. But he wasn't overly enthusiastic about the idea; sure he may be dead inside already, but he didn't actually want to _die. _And he couldn't even testify in court...partly because the judge wouldn't allow it, but mostly because after years of not talking, his vocal chords had basically died.

The day he stood up in front of the judge was a horrible one. One buy one, the victims' families came up to the stand to testify against him and Michael had just about lost all hope when the court room doors suddenly burst open and Freddy came through, Jason following him. Ghostface was busy keeping an outside bailiff distracted so that they could get through. The judge glared at them.

"What is the meaning of this? I was just in the middle of convicting one of Haddonfield's most notorious serial killers-"

"Yeah, yeah to death. We know." Freddy said as he went over to where Michael sat, his head against his chest and in a sort of drug-induced stupor-_Thorazine _is a hell of a tranquilizer. He tried to hide his face, though as Freddy slapped him on the back.

The judge was livid and pounded his fists on his podium. "No! I will not have it! The accused-Michael Audrey Myers is convicted of death and is to be held accountable for several murders-"

"Yeah but it's not his fault!" Ghostface blurted as he too entered the courtroom, "besides, we need him back. He's our little Boogeyman...aren't you Myers?"

_I will destroy you, _Michael thought as he rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile Jason sighed and nodded, not being able to communicate through notes. But Freddy said all that really needed saying. "Yeah and he has to at least chip in his part of the rent or we get evicted from our apartment. Please cut us some slack, man!"

The jury began murmuring and Michael sighed, knowing that even with the help of Freddy he was still doomed to die. The judge shook his head and said firmly, "No I will not have it. Myers killed my daughter-"

"Great going, Michael!" Ghostface hissed under his breath.

"-and killed both my sons. I will not have-"

Jason finally silenced the old judge as his machete went soaring through the air, sinking into the man's gut. Satisfied with the shot, he went over and retrieved the weapon then brandished it in front of the jurors, who recoiled as the judge's blood sprayed the whole courtroom.

Loomis, who sat on the opposite side of the courtroom jumped up and yelled, "No! No, God! Please no!" and brought out a gun and started shooting at Michael, sending a shower of six deadly shots into the killer's chest.

This seemed to bring Michael into the real world as the medicine wore off and he stood up and with the resentful help of Ghostface, made his way out of the courtroom.

"Well," Freddy said as they all climbed into the Winnebago, "I suppose we saved the day yet again. You can thank us later, Myers. We'll give you time for your mind to clear up-"

As they drove off, the courtroom suddenly exploded into a flurry of shrapnel and fire. They all gasped and looked back.

Jason: _What was that?_

Michael held out a piece of paper to him with one scratched word on it; _Thorn_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Yet another episode down. Thanks for reading. Also, due to recent complications-mainly the loss of my flash drive where I keep all my stories-the next few episodes may take a while to post. Sorry for the inconvenience. Until then I've located a spare flash so I'll try my best to keep up.


	6. Episode 6Pennywise the Dancing IT

Episode 6-Pennywise the Dancing _IT_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"I think that what we need is a repair man-"

"Shut up!" Freddy hissed as he tried to fix the sink, "I've almost got it...just need to...ah-"

Water shot out of the pipes and sprayed him in the face. He gagged and then backed away from the cursed sink. Jason got up and tired his hand at fixing it but the results were the same the only difference being that Jason himself hated water.

Jason whirled around, all dripping wet and tossed the napping Michael a note; _Hey unless you want to be without a shower today you better come help us fix these pipes..._

Michael, who was still exhausted from all of the medications-namely his one true enemy, Thorazine-was laying on the couch with his limbs sprawled; _Not now, I'm sooooo tired-_

"Jeez Myers, if I woulda known that you were such a pussy then I never would've saved your sorry ass-"

Jason: _You got him in trouble to begin with._

Freddy sighed and wiped his forehead with his clawed hand. Then he lashed out and kicked the pipes. This only made them spray a bigger torrent of water and he and Ghostface recoiled; Jason shook his head and went to sit on the couch and watch T.V.

"Okay," Freddy said as he got some towels to soak up the water once it had stopped shooting out of the pipes, "I think that maybe it's time that we call a mechanic or whatever...I don't know a damn thing about pipes."

Ghostface gave him a sideways glance and asked, "But I thought that you lived in the sewers or whatever..."

Jason: _He lived in the boiler room or something._

Freddy shook his head and sat down on the counter. "No. You of all people...you've been there, Voorhees. I thought that you would know. But anyway, who're we gonna call-"

"Ghostbusters?" Ghostface suggested. The others looked at him as if he was an idiot. All except Michael, who was blissfully oblivious to anything that was happening in the room. He just laid there snoring loudly.

Jason sighed; _Oh God, he's having one of his episodes..._

"What the fucking hell, fuck face? Ghostbusters? Hell to the no. What we gotta do is-whoa, what's that?" Freddy suddenly screamed, pointing to the thick, red liquid dripping from the pipes. The others gathered around the pipes and stared until one of them, Ghostface, worked up enough courage to see what it was.

Tentatively he reached out his gloved hand and reached out to the puddle of liquid, fingered it then yelled and backed away.

Jason: _What? What is it?_

Ghostface swallowed and pointed to the sink in an overly dramatic fashion. "T-that...it's blood!"

Freddy laughed relieved. "Is that all? Jeez, we've all seen blood before! I mean we're killers for God's sake!"

Just as he said this, the pipes began to creak and then they were silent for a second. Ghostface sighed and laughed nervously.

"Well I guess we fixed it!"

Then before anything else could be said, the pipes burst open, sending waves of blood over the apartment's floor; all through the kitchen, and even some in the living room. They all rushed to their feet and into the living room area, slipping and sliding. Jason tripped down the three stairs that led to the lower level and brought the dreary Michael down with him.

Freddy and Ghostface took refuge behind the L-shaped couch and played rock, paper, scissors to see who would be the one to investigate the situation this time. And Ghostface, being the loser that he was, lost yet again. Cautiously he jumped over the couch and made his way over to the busted-up sink.

"H-hello? Is anyone there? I've got a cell phone if you need it-"

From out of the bloody muck a shape arose, large and towering with wild tufts of hair coming from around its otherwise bald head. It laughed maniacally and then dusted himself off. It was a clown, wearing a multicolored suit with big, orange pompoms on it and with a big, fake, red grin on its face. Ghostface jumped back, recoiling.

"Look, I don't know what your deal is busting through our sink or anything but I...I think that you should leave."

The clown laughed again, a screeching sound that echoed throughout the entire room and made Freddy's ears hurt. "I," the clown said, taking a huge, mocking bow, "am Pennywise the Dancing Clown, otherwise known as Bob Gray. Or simply It. Yeah, just go with that...that's what the 'King' did in any case..."

Jason rose to his feet and went over to Pennywise and shoved a piece of paper in the clown's hand; _What are you doing here, Pennywise?_

"Well I am in need of an abode...you see, it appears as if the little town of Derry, Maine has cast me away-" as he said this he made a grand sweeping gesture, "-and I've had no choice but to follow an old friend's advice. Perhaps you're familiar with Pinhead?"

At the mention of his arch rival's name, Freddy jumped over the couch and went up to Pennywise. "Yeah, we knew that son of a bitch all right. What's it to ya?"

The clown's smile broadened as he began merrily dancing around the room, on top of the old, wooden table. "Well the fact that you eternally damned my friend made me feel a little..._uneasy, _so I thought to myself, I thought, 'Gee, Bob. What if they were to suddenly cease to be a threat?' and the only what that can happen is if you play by my rules so..." Pennywise waved his arms in the air and laughed delightedly as Freddy and the others began to shrink in size and their clothes became too big for them, "now we're all playing by Pennywise's rules!"

Michael, who was happily snoozing on the floor woke up, startled to find that he was now six years old again, dressed in the same clown costume that he had been in the night that he murdered his sister, Judith. Jason was just a little kid in a too-big jacket and swim trunks.

Freddy thought that he got off the easiest, with a clawed glove that was three sizes too big for him and an overly large sweater and hat. Ghostface's tattered, black shirt now fitted like a gown and his shoes were so big that they were impossible to walk in. Pennywise laughed and pointed at them.

"Ha! That's funny...you all look so silly-"

"This isn't funny anymore." Ghostface said as he sniffled and wiped his nose.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy was an easygoing guy. Well, almost. He was able to tolerate Pennywise using him as a slave and being half his usual size but come dinner, when the clown refused to share the pizza he reached his breaking point.

None of the others seemed to care much; Ghostface was submissive normally, Michael was still a kid now, so any meds that he had previously been given were now so powerful that he could only lie on the floor and sleep and Jason was already dead inside anyway.

It seemed that Freddy was their only hope. And he had to think of something quick because, contrary to popular belief, clowns can't survive on a diet of just pizza; they must eat kid-flesh somewhere along the way.

Finally he snapped when Pennywise demanded that they all watch _Steel Magnolias. _Freddy objected.

Pennywise just laughed in his horrible way and said, "Fine, Kruger. You don't wanna watch the movie? Then how about-" he reached into the cushions of the couch and pulled out Pinhead's cube, something which Freddy had long forgotten that he had put there, "-I unleash Pinhead and _you _take his place in hell?"

Freddy's heart sank and he shook his head quickly. "No, really. It's okay, I-"

"Too late!" Pennywise cried as he twisted a few of the cube's segments and solved it. Like before, with a rush of blinding light and chains, Freddy was sucked into the cube, leaving Pinhead to take his place.

Pinhead laughed evilly and snatched the cube from the clown and stared at it, his black eyes glittering. Then he turned his gaze onto the only remaining slashers-Michael, Jason and Ghostface.

With a sneer he said, "Who's next?"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

A few seconds after Freddy was plummeted into the cube for the second time, Ghostface flew in on top of him.

"Heeeeeey Kruger." the young Ghostface said as Freddy shifted under his slight frame.

"Didn't brake a bone, did you Ghostface?" he asked as he wriggled out from under the other slasher and dusted himself off, "We all know how _fragile _you are."

"Ha, ha, ha. Pretty funny how you still manage to 'insult' me when no one's around to hear. Nope, no one at all. And pretty soon I'd venture to guess that Jason and Michael will be joining us."

Freddy gave him a quizzical look. "Nu-uh. You know that clowns have to eat kids-or at least Pennywise does. He's bound to eat those two, right? Then us. Well, he'll probably just decided to keep Michael and Jason around because they don't complain and they're bigger than us-"

"What do we do? I don't wanna stay here?" Ghostface asked, beginning to panic. He whirled around and around in circles with Freddy standing there rolling his eyes.

"I think that we outta keep calm!" Freddy howled over his companion's howls, "I'm sure that the hockey puck and Myers can handle this one thing...I'm sure that they can!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_We can't handle this. _Michael thought as he and Jason cowered in a corner and one of Pinhead's henchmen, the Chatterer replaced Ghostface. Jason sighed and looked at Pennywise with loathing in his brown, angry eyes.

_He's got to be the first one to go._

_Yeah, but how? _Michael asked, clutching his large kitchen knife to his frail chest. _And after him, how do we get rid of Pennywise?_

Jason smiled under his hockey mask. _Quite easily. We just need a little luck-which, mind you, is something that neither of us have much of-and brains-_

Myers sighed in dismay and looked up to the ceiling. _But I'm considered legally crazy and you're...well...stupid, right? They're is no way that we can do something like this. _

Suddenly Pinhead turned to them and gripping their shirt collars, picked them both up and dangled them in the air. "Well," he hissed as his eyes glittered under the dim apartment light, "how does it feel to lose?"

Michael looked down at the ground, which seemed floors below him. _Not very good._

Pennywise and Pinhead laughed. Jason rolled his eyes, took his machete and shoved it through Pinhead's sternum; Michael followed suit, slitting his throat with his knife. Pinhead gagged and dropped the two as he reached for his throat.

"Chatterer," he wheezed as Pennywise stood there staring in awe at him, "do something!"

But he didn't even have time as Jason quickly took charge of the situation and grabbed the cube from where it had fallen and solved it once again. Pinhead cursed and the Chatterer just chattered as they were sucked back into their hell.

Immediately Freddy and Ghostface were transported out of the cube. Michael, Jason, Freddy and Ghostface stared at each other for a second, each seeming to be shocked at what the other was doing then slowly they returned to their proper ages and heights as Pennywise's magic wore off.

As reality set in Freddy turned to Pennywise and snapped, "You...you sorry motherfucker..."

Michael: _We just wanted to fix the sink-_

Jason hit the slasher in the ribs; _You didn't even help, stupid fuck._

"It doesn't matter. It's Pennywise's fault!" Ghostface exclaimed. The clown shook his head and motioned back to the sink.

"N-no! Look, I'm sorry that it had to turn out like it did, but...please. I need a place to stay. Please! Just let me live in your sink pipes or something-"

Freddy stared at him oddly. "Does that mean that you'll see us... _in the shower?"_

The clown hurridley shook his head. "No, no! I promise! Only the sink and I'll never try to interfere with you again. I won't say a word and I'll be nearly invisible."

They all looked at each other, actually considering the idea. Finally Freddy nodded and said, "Yeah, fine. That's what you were doing before anyway right? Just don't make a mess like you did today."

Michael shifted in his shoes a little and thought. _I don't have a good feeling about this...._


	7. Episode 7I've Got Cabin Fever

Episode 7-I've Got Cabin Fever!

* * *

"Okay," Freddy muttered as he observed the pipes beneath the sink and scratched his head, "I think that everything's just about fixed."

Jason: _Pennywise sure is good at fixing stuff, isn't he?_

Ghostface shrugged. "I coudla done better." Then he went over and sat at the kitchen table, pulled out his phone and began texting.

Michael, who was finally beginning to get over the Thorazine that Loomis had given him, sat on the couch flipping through the channels; Jason went over to join him. Today, like always, there really wasn't much to do. Freddy sighed, got a cup of water from the sink, then went in the living room to sit down.

The sink had been leaking for a while, but Pennywise had miraculously been able to get it fixed. This was good, considering the fact that the dripping pipes had always made a puddle of water on the floor, and on more than one occasion Freddy had tripped. Now, for the time being, it seemed as though everything was normal again. Nothing interesting seemed to be in store for them...yet.

{}{}{}{}{}

Later that night when the pizza came there was no beer. Ghostface sighed and banged his head on the kitchen table."Ah fuck! Now what are we gonna do?"

Michael: _Calm down. It's no big deal, just drink water._

Jason: _Oh yeah, sure. Replace beer with water. You're like Jesus now, huh, Myers?_

"Shut up! God, you guys seem so much more annoying now that I'm not drunk." Freddy muttered as he took a piece of pizza and sliced it up with his clawed hand, "Damn. Now what are we gonna do?"

Michael rolled his eyes. _Drink water. What's wrong with water?_

Freddy shook his head, but Ghostface got up and promptly began to fix himself some water. He threw a glass at Freddy. "Get yourself a glass, idiot. No one's doing it for you."

He groaned and shoved his glass at Michael. "Go get me some water now!"

_But I don't-_

"Just do it or I'll make sure that you don't get one good week's sleep." When the other killer still hesitated, Freddy snapped, "Now, Myers!"

Jason glared over the table at Freddy. _Don't tell Michael what to do!_

"Shut your queer ass up!"

_You shut up! _

As they argued Michael sighed, got up, and went to get the rest of them some water. Buy the time that he came back the bickering had temporarily subsided and all was quiet. After Ghostface finished off his water, he gasped and began choking; he coughed up a a thin line of blood."Ah...what's _that?-" _he coughed again, gripping his thin stomach.

Jason stared at him disgustedly. _I think that it's blood...that's weird._

The others nodded in agreement and continued eating their pizza, ignoring Ghostface who was still coughing up blood. Once a few drops had landed on Freddy's pizza, he made Michael take Ghostface outside on the balcony to eat his supper.

{}{}{}{}{}

Everything was fine for the rest of the night until the taste of blood also coated Freddy's throat. He began to worry, but he chose not to let any of the others know. He didn't want to end up spending the night on the balcony with Ghostface, that was for sure. Besides that, it was also common knowledge that Ghostface was a standard attention whore who usually craved attention so much that almost anything he said, did, and thought about doing was fake. So naturally, no one was inclined to even listen or pay attention to him when he really was sick. It was sort of like a 'don't cry wolf' situation.

As the night slowly wore on the others started displaying signs that they weren't all that healthy, either. At around 12 A.M. Freddy couldn't take it anymore. He got up from the couch where he and the other two killers had been sleeping and went outside.

"Hey" he said as he met Ghostface on the balcony, "what's up?"

The other slasher said nothing for a second, just sat there in one of the chairs breathing hard. His once black and white mask was now covered with blood. "Why do you care? You only wanna know if you're gonna be okay, right?"

"Uh, duh, Fuckface. Why else would I care about you?" he said as he looked over the balcony and into the alley below. "Seriously, how are you doing?"

"Fine, I guess," Ghostface said, sighing and fingering his phone, "I don't feel so good, but I don't seem to be that bad, do I?"

Freddy shrugged. "I don't know, Fuckface. I can't see under your mask, but your clothes are all bloody." Ghostface coughed, shuddered, and lifted up his tattered sleeve to revel a skinless arm. It dripped blood and flesh on the floor of the balcony. Freddy staggered back and lifted his own sleeve to reveal the same rot and decay. He gagged. "Oh holy shit, what did I do?"

{}{}{}{}{}

Inside the apartment things were also slowly spiraling out of control. Michael had gone into the bathroom to puke up blood and Jason had scratched a large chunk of flesh from his arm; needless to say that both of them were livid. Jason burst onto the balcony and punched Freddy in the face.

"Ow! Why the fuck did you do that?" he asked, his hands covering his charred nose.

_What did you do to us?_

"Who?"

Ghostface's head suddenly popped up and he asked in a gross, wretched voice, "What's wrong with you?"

Michael suddenly came onto the balcony also, part of his jump suit hanging off his rotting shoulder. His eyes shined with anger and pain. _It's the water!_

Freddy gazed over at him, surprised. "What do you mean? Water is what's making us rot?"

Jason nodded. _I told you that water is bad!_

"That's because you drowned your sorry ass, Voorhees!" Ghostface wheezed as he gripped his chest, lifted his mask a little, and spat out a thick clot of blood, "Oh God, I don't feel so good...ugh..."

"Shut up, Fuckface! Now what were you saying? It's in the water? How did it get in the water?"

Michael's gaze didn't shift as he wrote down his answer and handed it to Freddy; _Pennywise._

{}{}{}{}{}

"Pennywise!"

Something in the sink groaned and rattled. "What? Kinda preoccupied here..."

"Shut up," Freddy snapped, "and tell us what the fucking hell is going on with our God damned water! It's made us sick, it's poisoned. Are you trying to kill us?"

The clown in the sink laughed. "No, it's cabin fever, but if you wanna get fixed before you kick the bucket, then-"

Jason: _I thought serial killers couldn't die._

"Wrong! Now shut up, Voorhees. You're wasting time. If you wanna get fixed, then you've gotta drink beer."

Freddy sighed and scratched his head, ripping off a chuck of flesh. "Beer?"

"Yeah," Pennywise said, "buy the bucket load, now you better hurry up. The disease spreads fast."

{}{}{}{}{}

"That wasn't so bad." Freddy said as he and all the others sat in the living room, completely drunk but alive and not bleeding.

Michael, who had an unusually low tolerance for alcohol, was in the bathroom puking with his mask off; Ghostface had passed out hours ago due to the beer and loss of blood; Jason was in the bathroom with Michael, trying to make sure that he didn't drown in his own vomit. Sill, Freddy found it in him to put away one more beer before passing out like Ghostface or puking like Myers.

* * *

****A/N****

In case you aren't familiar with the movie _Cabin Fever, _that's what this episode was based off of, just to let you know. If you haven't seen it, I suggest that you do. It's a pretty good movie.

***[this episode has been revised]***


	8. Episode 8The Many Woes of Ghostface

Episode 8-The Many Woes of Ghostface

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Hey, fuck face. Pay up, it's rent day." Freddy said as he held out his clawed hand to Ghostface and beckoned.

Ghostface stared at him and sighed tiredly. "Yeah, yeah. Here, just take it." and he handed Freddy a giant wad of cash. Jason and Michael stared at him with wide eyes. Freddy said nothing and just smiled at him with a satisfied look on his face.

Jason: _Uh...I don't think that you counted it right-_

"Shut up, hokey puck, yeah he counted it right...dumb ass..." Freddy murmured as he counted the cash and pocketed some of it. Michael got up and tried to save some of the money but Freddy wouldn't have it, especially from some nobody like Myers; he promptly kneed him in the nuts.

As Michael went down onto the apartment floor, his eyes teary and full of pain, Freddy laughed and Ghostface chuckled then got up without the money.

"Wait, where you going, fucker?" Freddy asked as he took his place on the sofa and let Michael try and stand up on his own. Ghostface shrugged and went into the bathroom.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Okay. So Ghostface wasn't known as exactly the richest slasher in the world, but who gave a care anyhow? No one. And no one, certainly not Freddy, cared where he got the money, only that he got it. So when he came out the small bathroom stumbling and smelling odd, no one thought much of it.

Nor did anyone question him as to why the bathroom smelled like smoke. And no one questioned why there were carrot peelings on the floor. But they sure as hell made Ghostface clean it up.

Sometime later that day when the pizza was delivered they all sat at the kitchen table for supper. Sighing Freddy finally asked the question that had been in the very back of his mind all day. "So...fuck face. You know what's weird?"

"Huh?"

"Well," Freddy said as he took a sip of his beer, "isn't it weird that we pretty much only eat pizza?"

Jason shrugged and wrote, _Not really. Who doesn't like pizza?_

Michael: _I prefer a good hot dog myself-_

"Of course you do, Myers. That's because you are what God would call a 'raging homosexual'. But right now I'm talking to Ghostface so shut the living fuck up if you don't mind." Freddy said, smiling deviously.

Ghostface stifled a laugh as Michael slumped in his seat and moodily drank some beer. "Well," he said, "if that's so weird then how come we're all in masks and you're not? Or how come you always call Myers gay? Wistful thinking, perhaps-"

Jason sighed; _Why can't we just have one quiet dinner?_

Freddy scoffed. "Because, Voorhees, that would be-"

Ghostface laughed in almost a stoned way and said in an undertone, "Lemme guess...Kruger..._gay!"_

"No, fuck face. I wasn't gonna say that. I was gonna say stupid...that would be stupid. You see? This is why no one likes you. Because you always act like you're high."

"I'm _not _high! I'm just happy-hey, I gotta go to the bathroom..." Ghostface said as he got up and he leaned really close to Michael, who recoiled slightly and cringed as he whispered in his ear, "Psst! Myers!"

_What?_

"You-you gotta help me man...come with me in the desert for a while and I'll show you things that will blow your mind!"

The others stared at the two as Michael cluelessly wrote, _What are you talking about? Boy, you really are high, aren't you?_

"Nah," Ghostface said stifling a laugh, "I'm jus' drunk..."

_Then no. I most definitely won't go anywhere with you. Now fuck off before I mutilate your ass-_

Ghostface laughed insanely at this and the others stared at him with eminent curiosity. "Hear that? Michael said that he would-"

"Okay, that's enough! Let's not go there!" Freddy warned him as he resisted the urge to laugh also. Michael still looked confused even as Jason led Ghostface out onto the balcony to get some air.

_What? What was he gonna say? _He asked Freddy as they gathered up the pizza and put it in the fridge-the whole fridge was chock full of the stuff.

"Uh...let's just forget about it, okay Myers?"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

But Michael didn't forget so easily and when Ghostface once again retreated into the bathroom, he followed. As soon as he cracked open the door, a flurry of smoke flew out and he started to choke, but Ghostface grabbed him by the elbow and slammed the door.

"Heeeeeeyyy Myers..."

Michael's eyes were wide with a sort of innocent wonder as he watched Ghostface inhale deeply through a carved carrot. _Uh...hi. What's that?_

He laughed wheezily and held up the carrot bong. "What? This? Man, Michael. I got a load of stuff to teach you!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"What do you think is going on in there?" Freddy asked as he and Jason pressed their ears against the bathroom door.

Jason shrugged his broad shoulders. _I-I don't know..._he sniffed the air, _is that smoke?_

Freddy sniffed it also and brief memories of the day he burnt to death came back to him but fled quickly. "Uh y-yeah. It does smell like smoke...so Ghostface got Michael high?"

As if to answer his question, both Michael and Ghostface burst out of the bathroom. "Heeeeeyyy Kruger...want your mind blown?"

"Depends on what I have to do, fuck face-"

Michael did something totally outrageous then; he stifled a laugh. The non talking slasher actually dared to utter a noise. Jason's eyes widened with astonishment as Michael fell forward, clearly stoned and he caught him.

With one arm slung over Jason's shoulders, Michael held out a shaky hand to Freddy. In it, still lit, was a joint. He stifled another laugh and passed a note to him. _Hey...if you make the bongs out of carrots you can eat them when you're done...isn't that funny?_

Freddy immediately dropped the note and snapped at Ghostface, "What the hell did you do to Michael?"

Ghostface promptly gazed at Michael and they both laughed-except Michael who would never be stoned enough to laugh. He just stifled another one. "Ha...yeah. Why, you wanna get some too? How the fuck do you think that I just have cash to pass around-" he laughed again "-I sell it. Isn't that funny?"

Jason: _No that's not funny, you fucking retard! Michael's a schizophrenic and probably intermittent explosive disorder!_

Michael looked confused again. _So Imma a'splode?_

Freddy sighed and rubbed his tired eyes and opened his mouth to say something but a knock came at the door. With a roll of his tired eyes, he went to answer it. Two police officers stood in the doorway of number 1331 Wimbleton Apartments.

One stepped forward and showed him a shiny badge. "Evening, mister..." he checked a long list of warrants that he had, "ah, Ghostface?"

Freddy smiled but tried to remember what had happened the last time that a cop had shown up at the door. Cautiously he leaned in and asked, "Uh yeah. He's here. But none of you are sent from a Dr. Loomis, are you? Certainly none of you are him so..."

"Oh, no sir. He are just normal cops looking for-"

Before the officer could finish saying anything a knife came flying out of the apartment and into his chest. The other officer staggered back but Ghostface pushed past Freddy, jumped over the other officer's corpse and ran down the hallway, after the last policeman.

A few seconds later he came back towing behind him the last officer and carrying a bottle of booze. As he passed Freddy he dropped the corpse and spilled some of his beer. "Heeeeeeeyyyy Kruger-"

"No! Stop saying that!"

Ghostface laughed for what would have to have been the hundredth time and asked in a stupid tone, "What?"

Freddy rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Jason!"

About a minute later Jason scrambled out of the room with Michael still slung over his shoulders. He stepped over the bodies.

_What? Oh God, what happened? One second I'm gone...one motherfucking second..._

Freddy snatched the joint that Ghostface was trying to light and yelled, "Clean up these bodies...throw them off the balcony and into the alley. I don't give a fuck just get rid of them while I take Ghostface and Michael inside-"

Jason sighed and roughly threw Michael to him and went inside. Freddy snatched Ghostface by his sleeve and guided him back inside as well.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Okay," Freddy said as he forced Ghostface to calm down and sit on the couch, "why did you get Myers stoned?"

Michael, who was still now experiencing a horrible hangover from all of the booze that he had consumed while Freddy's back was turned groaned and shuddered. Then he managed to pass a note around to Freddy; _Because he said that it would 'free my mind'-_

Jason put his head in his hands and despaired at Michael's stupidity. _God Myers! This isn't the 60s anymore and no one is 'freeing anyone's mind'!_

Suddenly Ghostface spoke up, his voice sounding throughout the apartment, but still slurred. "Yeah well Kruger's been charging me out the ass-the mirror, the rent...it's all too much! I couldn't handle it so I sold coke. What was I supposed to do?"

Freddy and Jason stared at each other for a second then Freddy said, "You think that we give a fuck whether you're selling coke or weed or whatever? Hell no! Just give us a cut. It doesn't have to be money or nothing, just some of the junk."

_Yeah,_ Jason wrote, _you think that it's easy living with you? Getting stoned would make it easier, almost bearable. We don't care as long as you pay your rent. How you get the money is your business._

Ghostface sounded hopeful. "Really?"

"Yeah really. Now, c'mon fuck face. You got the stuff, we might as well get loaded, right?"

Michael shuddered again and shook his head. _I think that I've had enough for today, Kruger._


	9. Episode 9What Jigsaw Sawed

Episode 9-What Jigsaw Sawed

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It was a wet place. And cold. And certainly not number 1331 Wimbleton Apartments or anything of the sort; it was a disgusting, dirty bathroom with dull tiled floors. Not a sound could be heard throughout the entire place and as Freddy's head popped up out of the tub full of water, he shuddered.

"Hello...f-fuck face? Voorhees? The other one whose name I can never remember? Hello..."

"What about Myers? Forgot about him?" Ghostface's voice said clearly throughout the bathroom.

Freddy shrugged as he climbed out of the tub and tried to walk forward; there was a chain around his ankle and a hacksaw sitting on the floor next to it. "Hmm..." her murmured, "pretty kinky..."

Suddenly a crisp, white note hit his hatless head; _I was hoping that he would've killed you first, Kruger._

"Ah shut up, hockey puck!" Freddy scoffed and slunk down onto the floor to pout. It was freezing in here now that his sweater and top hat had been taken away from him. "Where are we?"

Suddenly the light came flickering on in the old bathroom and they could all clearly see each other chained up against different walls in the bathroom; everyone seemed alert and aware except Michael who lay seemingly passed out in his corner of the room, his expressionless white mask now dirty and his legendary jumpsuit now ripped in several places.

Jason sighed and scratched his mostly bald head quizzically. _What's going on here?_

"I don't know," Ghostface whispered as his head darted in every direction, "but I don't think that it's good." he pulled his knees up to his bare and bony chest; his tattered, black robe had been removed but whoever had kidnapped them had allowed him to keep his ghostly mask. On his head was a heavy metal contraption that had a blinking timer on it.

From a small T.V. Screen embedded in the tiled walls, there came a voice, loud, clear and deep. "Welcome gentlemen to my little...fun house." on the screen there appeared a clownish face with red, swirly cheeks and red eyes. Immediately Freddy recognized him.

"What do you want with us, Jigsaw?" Freddy bellowed at the screen as he strained at his chains. Jigsaw laughed at his idiocy and stared at everyone in the room.

"I want to play a little..._game-"_

"'A little game my ass', you're trying to kill us, aren't you Jiggy?"

Jason: _I've already been through my fair share of death, so-_

"Quite the contrary, Ghostface...or how does mister Kruger call you? _Fuck face? _Yes, that's it, fuck face. Now calm down, fuck face. It's a simple game-the game of survival."

In his corner of the room, Michael began to move stiffly and Jigsaw glanced at him and said hurriedly to the others, "Remember that the answer lies in your heart..."

"Wait! What the fuck does that mean?" Freddy asked "It sounds like something from a Disney movie or something-"

Jigsaw ignored his question and said loftily, "And it's also worth mentioning Ghostface, that the metal contraption that is firmly clasped onto your head is rigged to crush your skull in...oh, give or take an hour or so. And Myers' blood has been introduced to a deadly poison that will destroy him within the next half hour-just thought I should mention it-and the rest of you are breathing in a toxic nerve gas that should kill you in the next twenty minutes. So yeah...enjoy those perks. Jigsaw out" and the T.V. Screen became blank.

Michael groggily raised his head and looked around, utterly perplexed. _Hey...what's this place? I don't remember our bathroom ever being so big..._

Jason: _That's because it's not our bathroom, retard. It's Jigsaw's. He's got us in a trap and now Freddy's being a pussy about it and-_

"Shut your mouth you pansy-assed motherfucker! I ain't trying to chicken out or nothing...although that might seem like a sensible thing to do at this point...hell no! I'm thinking of a way to get outta here."

"Then stop cussing Voorhees out and think of a way out, you spineless idiot!" Ghostface howled at him as he threw a loose bit of tile at Freddy.

The tile hit Freddy in the side of his face and Michael began to make a sound that, everyone supposed, was the equivalent of childish laughter. "Okay," Freddy said as he rose to his feet shakily, "you wanna be a bitch about it like always, Ghostface? Well fine! Then you can think of a way to get out on your own!"

Ghostface stopped laughing hysterically and Freddy was quite sure that under his mask, his smile faded. He stood up as well, though he didn't look all that intimidating. Although he was a few centimeters taller than Freddy, he wasn't as thick. "I'm not a bitch!"

Jason: _I'd beg to differ..._

Michael: _Oh would you just shut the hell up for once, Voorhees?_

Jason seemed surprised that Michael had actually insulted him, the only other non-talking slasher in the whole room. He glared at him. _You know Michel, I'm starting to think that Ghostface isn't the only bitch in this room-_

Michael rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. _FUCK YOU! What the hell is wrong with all of you people? God, how did we end up here in the first place? This isn't where I wanted to be..._

Everyone stopped fighting and stared at each other. Freddy looked ashamed and sat down and Ghostface, though resentfully, did the same. Ghostface hated to give up on a fight.

"I don't know. It all seems like something so stupid...one second I was living on Elm Street, and now I'm not."

"Yeah well...at least your movie had a plot; mine sure as hell didn't." Ghostface murmured as he looked up at the ceiling. In his head he was slowly going over the clue that Jigsaw had said..._the answer lies in your heart..._and he had said it hurriedly, just as Michael had woken up. He gasped stared at the saw that lie beside Freddy.

"H-hey? Kruger?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. What's wrong Ghostface?" Freddy said as his mind snapped back into the present.

Ghostface pointed to the saw and said, "Hey toss me that saw."

Freddy stared at him questioningly and clutched the saw close to his burnt and charred chest. "Why?"

"Because," he said exasperatedly, "haven't you ever seen...oh, never mind. Just do it. I know that if I can saw off my foot then-"

"Let Voorhees do it. He's already 80% zombie anyway; even his neck has stitches on it!" Freddy said, then he turned to Jason, "Whadda say, Voorhees? If you can saw off your foot then we can-"

Jason stared at him miraculously and shook his head. _Fuck no! What about Michael's clue...the answer lies in your heart. How do we know that it isn't him that Jigsaw wants to lose a foot?_

Michael shrugged. _Look around you, Voorhees. That clue isn't legit. There are no hearts and-_

"Pull off your jumpsuit, Myers." Ghostface instructed. Everyone else stared at him and Freddy laughed wickedly.

"Ha! How gay!"

"No, no. It's not that. It's just that...what if the heart's _under _Myers' jumpsuit-"

Jason: _No, I'm pretty sure that it's just straight up raging homosexual._

"But if Michael is so innocent then why does he look so terrified? He's hiding something." Ghostface pointed out. It was true that Michael's eyes had become wide and almost knowing.

He shook his head and quickly scratched onto a piece of paper, _Yeah I look scared because I can tell that you'd get a real kick out of seeing my in my underwear...I'm scared that you might rape me or something._

Freddy's smile faded and he studied Michael's eyes as well. "Now that I think about it, you _do _look like you're hiding something, Myers. Go ahead, take it off. But only to the waist, we don't want to see all of _that."_

Michael sighed and shrugged. _Fine! Fine! If it'll give you one moment's enjoyment then fine!_

Hesitantly Michael removed his jumpsuit and revealed a bloody heart carved into his flesh, just above his abdomen. He swallowed and traced his finger around it as if mesmerized and swallowed.

_Told you! _Jason wrote. Freddy smiled and threw the hacksaw at Michael. It clattered to the floor next to his bare feet.

"Go ahead Myers. Make my day."

Michael shook his head. _No. It's not my job...I just know it. Like you said, Voorhees is better equipped for sawing through stuff, not me. Just cut a few stitches then bam!_

"Then what did the clue mean, genius? God, Myers I swear. If you don't get on it and-"

"Very good gentlemen you have solved the first clue." Jigsaw said as he popped up on the T.V. Screen again.

Jason: _So...what does that mean? What do we have to do now?_

Jigsaw laughed and the T.V. Screen was engulfed in a wave of static for a second, but it quickly subsided. "You already know what to do, Jason. You may not be as stupid as people make you out to be...yes, you know what to do. Just remember that the answer lies _in your heart..."_

As the T.V. Tuned out again Ghostface, who had managed to dig up an even bigger, heaver piece of tile than he had thrown at Freddy launched it at Michael's head. It shattered and for a second Myers just stood there but then dropped onto the cold bathroom floor in a heap.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason staggered back into his corner and gasped as Michael lay on the ground with his eyes closed and his now bare chest taking heaving, ragged breaths. _Wh-why did you do that, fuck face?_

"Because," Ghostface explained, "now that Myers is knocked out, then you an saw off your foot, take your machete, cut open his stomach where the heart is carved and then get the key!"

_What key, you fucktard?_

Freddy's head snapped in Ghostface's direction as he began to understand what was happening. "It's obvious! Now here-" he tossed Jason the saw, "-just cut the stitches!"

_What...but I-_

"Please Voorhees! Please! It's our only way out of here!" Ghostface said as he shifted the heavy metal contraption that rested heavily on his scrawny shoulders. He now had forty minutes blinking on the timer. Jason took the saw with shaky hands.

Not only would he have to kill the one person that he had grown closest to-or felt just a strong hatred towards and not a biting murderous feeling-in the house, but he would have to lose a foot...again. Oh well, Michael's loss was his gain. Taking a deep breath, he gripped his bare, black polished foot, and began sawing.

Blood poured from the wound and he grimaced under his mask. As the saw hit bone, be began to let out muffed screams and he couldn't help but let his eyes water just a little. Freddy and Ghostface watched in a fascinated way until Ghostface leaned over and puked, then faced the wall.

Finally, once his foot had been successfully sawed off and he was nearly on the ground, writhing in pain. Freddy chuckled weakly. "C'mon...V-Voorhees...go cut open Michael-"

"No! Please don't! I'd rather die than watch you cut that bastard open...can't we just let it be?"

Jason glared at him and firmly shook his head; _Fuck no! I just s...sawed my fucking foot off and now you wanna quit? Hell no, Myers' ass is grass..._

As Jason crawled over to Michael the T.V. Switched on again and Jigsaw was on the screen, eagerly watching the blood and gore. When Jason reached Michael's unconscious body and swallowed. With little emotion at all in his eyes, he unsheathed his precious machete and with careful precision aimed at the heart scar on his abdomen.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

When it was all over and done with, Michael was fully conscious and in a fetal position with his jumpsuit completely removed so that his blood wouldn't stain it. But Jason had gotten the illusive key and was currently jamming it into Michael's shackles.

Michael: _Well? Does It fit? Please tell me it fits, you stupid fuuuuuuuckk...jeez, I don't feel good._

Jason hesitated before writing his answer down. _Uh...no. It's not fitting right. Sorry Myers. Guess we degutted you for nothing, huh?_

Michael stared at him and got out his kitchen knife. _You dumn motherfucker! I swear that I'll...oh jeez...I don't feel so good..._

"Ah shut up you stupid...fuck..." Freddy said as his voice suddenly became tired sounding. Then he remembered Jigsaw's words-_And it's also worth mentioning Ghostface, that the metal contraption that is firmly clasped onto your head is rigged to crush your skull in...oh, give or take an hour or so. And Myers' blood has been introduced to a deadly poison that will destroy him within the next half hour-just thought I should mention it-and the rest of you are breathing in a toxic nerve gas that should kill you in the next twenty minutes._

"Ghostface tried to get a good look at the timer on his contraption but was unable to do so. "Crap...I can't see...how many more minutes do I have left?"

On the T.V. Screen Jigsaw laughed. "Thirty...you have thirty minutes left. And Michael has fifteen, and Freddy and Jason have ten...huh. Doesn't seem like the math is right on that, does it? Guess I could've planned that out a little better...oh well, you four best say your goodbyes because there's no way that you'll be able to cheat your way out of this one, and there isn't anymore time to solve it."

"Please give us another clue, Jigsaw. You know how stupid we are. Just please, one more clue." Freddy begged the screen. Jigsaw seemed amused.

"Very well then, Kruger. I'll give you your next clue. You must look deep inside yourselves in order to truly discover why you are here. For it is only by doing that that you may find true redemption and learn to forgive each other."

Michael: _What kind of punk ass clue is that?_

"It means think back to when I captured you," Jigsaw said, now becoming flustered, "think back to all the sins that you've committed in your life and why you committed them. Only then will I consider letting you go. Now you better get on it because time's running short..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

They all stared at each other as the T.V. Screen went blank again. Jason looked down at the disgusting bathroom floor. _What does that mean?_

Michael: _It's quite obvious-Jigsaw wants us to think back at everything that we did wrong in our lives and think of how we could've done it differently or correct it. Duh._

"Fine Myers," Ghostface hissed, "if it's so easy and you're so smart then what did you do wrong?"

_Well, _he wrote as his eyes glazed over and he began to think back, _I suppose it all started going awry when I tried killing my niece, Jamie. She got away twice and well...things sort of started to spiral out of control from there._

"Yeah well I know what I did wrong. I didn't kill that bitch Sidney Prescott. If I would of just tried a little harder...ah, fuck it." Ghostface said, heaving a sad sigh.

"I didn't do anything wrong. I know that." Freddy said clearly so that everyone could hear him, "I don't deserve to be here."

Jason: _Yeah, you didn't do anything, especially that time when you tricked me out of Camp Crystal Lake and made me kill your kids..._

"That was _your _fault for believing me in the first place!"

_Yeah, because you made me think that it was my mother talking instead of your sorry ass. Face it Kruger. You're scared of me._

The whole room was silent as they stared from Freddy to Jason. It was common knowledge that the two had never gotten along, but neither had quite divulged the reason until now. The both glared at each other and Jason threw a note at Freddy's head, saying what everyone else had been afraid to mention; _You're still just angry because I beat your sorry ass, aren't you Kruger?_

"Hell no! I'm just sorry that...well I...you're nothing but a fucking retard if you think that you beat me, Voorhees!"

Michael: _Well he did sort of cut your head off._

"Shut up Myers! You're not in this!" Freddy yelled at him. Then he threw the note on the ground and screamed up at the T.V. Screen, "What about you Jigsaw? Are you enjoying this?"

The screen flickered on and Jigsaw's puppet face came on it again and he laughed coldly. "Why yes. I am. But you must understand that I didn't put you in this death trap to see another sequel to _Freddy vs. Jason_-the first one was bad enough."

"Then why are we here? Please give us another clue!" Ghostface said to the T.V. Jigsaw looked around the room at the hopeless slashers and sighed.

"Okay, fine. Ghostface. You like to talk, don't you?"

"Uhh...yeah, I guess-"

"You can't guess. You have to know. I'll repeat the question; _you like to talk, don't you Ghostface?"_

_"Yeah, I think so!" _Ghostface repeated slowly, to make sure that Jigsaw comprehended what he was saying.

"Oh fuck this! None of you deserve to get out of here. I mean...if you can't even solve that clue then...oh yeah, and Voorhees. Give Michael back his key so that he can unlock his chains and the two of you can leave if you please. I don't think that it would be exactly safe to leave Jason unchained and Freddy defenseless."

Michael snatched the key away from Jason and proceeded to unlock his chains then he and Jason walked out of the room, without so much of a second glance at their roommates. Freddy cursed and found a pipe and hurled it at the door as they walked out, though Jason had to hold on to Michael for support since he was missing his foot.

"Son of a motherfucking bitch! God damn it!" he screamed as Ghostface stared at him and the T.V. Screen went blank again.

"Kruger calm down. God, you sure do have one hell of a temper, don't you?" Ghostface asked as he hugged his knees again. Freddy glared at him.

"Shut the fuck up for once fuck face! Please! God, no wonder why no one likes you, you're the biggest bitch that I've ever met!"

"Jeez...sorry. I just wanted to help, but-"

"I don't need your motherfucking help, you stupid fuck. I can do it on my own!"

Ghostface shrugged. "I sure hope so because I'm getting out of here right now..." and before Freddy could ask what he was talking about, Ghostface had lifted his mask to reveal his mouth, pressed his finger in the back of his throat and was making himself vomit.

"Ugh! What the hell-"

"S-shut up, Kruger! I know what I'm doing!" Ghostface cried as he began dry heaving. "Ugh...maybe I don't..."

"No really, what the hell are you doing?"

"Well," Ghostface said as he spat out a mouthful of puke, "Jigsaw asked me if I liked to talk and I get it...the key has to me in my throat or mouth or something-" he vomited again, this time spitting up a key.

Picking it up with fumbling fingers, he jammed the key in the lock on his chains but sighed in exasperation when it didn't unlock. "Oh God...what did I do wrong, dear God?! I _always _get the wrong end of the deal...I always...damn!" and he went to throw the key across the room but Freddy yelled at him.

"Stop! Don't you dare! That's our only hope out! Give me the key!"

Ghostface shook his head and stared at the gross key. "B-but...what if you get free and..."

"And?"

He swallowed. "And I die?"

Freddy rolled his eyes. "So your gonna screw us both? C'mon I p-p...ugh...what's the word?"

"Promise?" Ghostface asked hopefully.

"Yeah. I _promise _that I'll pay you back. Please, I only have a few minutes left by now...any second now-"

"Okay, okay," Ghostface murmured as he tossed the key at Freddy, "just take it."

As Freddy forced the key in the lock he laughed victoriously as the chains came undone and he got up. Jigsaw appeared on the T.V. Then and with his small, puppet hands began clapping.

"Very good, mister Kruger. It appears that you're free. You may go to your apartment now, number 1331."

"Wait," Ghostface asked as he desperately tried to pull the skull-crushing mechanism from his head, "how do you know where we live?"

"It's quite simple; I live on the floor below you assholes. You and Myers and Voorhees and not to mention Kruger's big mouth always keep me awake at night with your shenanigans and whatnot...so I figured that if I locked you in an old bathroom like I do with everyone else I don't like, then you would just shut up. Unfortunately it didn't work. It only made you all louder."

Freddy scratched his bald head. "So if I promise that me and the others will try and keep it down, we can go?"

"I don't see why not." Jigsaw said, shrugging. He pressed a button, releasing the hold of the skull-crushing mechanism on Ghostface's head.

"Thanks," Ghostface said as he rubbed his shoulders where the contraption had been resting, "that thing is really uncomfortable."

"No prob. Just keep your voices down from now on, okay?"

They both nodded and walked out of the room. "Jeez," Freddy said as he and Ghostface walked up the stairs to their apartment, "if he wanted us to keep it down, he should have just said something instead of nearly killing us-"

"Would you have listened to him, Kruger?" Ghostface asked as tiredly stumbled up the flights and flights of stairs.

Freddy smiled. "No. Probably not."


	10. Episode 10The Great Outdoors

Episode 10-The Great Outdoors

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Nothing like a good camping trip to loosen the nerves...right Kruger?"

"Fuck face?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the living hell up."

"Oh. Okay."

They all walked in silence from that point forward, except Michael and Jason who were surprisingly grumbly today. Maybe it was because they hated being out in the sunlight or maybe it was just because Freddy had made them both carry all of the camping equipment.

Either way, Freddy didn't care because they were camping and nothing mattered except trying not to die...or get eaten by a foreign disease or creature. Yep. Out in the wilderness pretty much everything seemed good. Except for Ghostface's cell phone, which continuously seemed to be ringing.

"Yeah, hello?" he paused and looked up at the sky, appearing to be figuring something, and almost tripped on a rock. Thank God Michael was there to resentfully catch him or Ghostface would be dead by now. "Oh! Yeah I almost just fell...over a rock...yeah. Thanks Myers! Anyway...yeah about two pounds of the shit...cost? Umm...I dunno. How much does it sell for? That much? Well I-"

Jason yanked the phone from his grasp and threw it somewhere down the mountain. _Hey I have an idea, fuck face; how about you shut the fucking hell up for a change? You remember what happened the last time that you were too loud..._

"Oh just fuck you to hell Voorhees-"

"You'd like to do that, wouldn't you?" Freddy muttered in an undertone; Michael stifled a laugh.

"Shut up, Kruger! I'm sick of you all ganging up on me!"

Michael sighed and readjusted the camping equipment on his shoulders. _If you wouldn't be such a pussy then there would be no ganging! God...fucking retard..._

"Well you all act like it's my fault that Jigsaw trapped us!" Ghostface whined as he nearly tripped over another rock and cursed.

Jason glared at him. _It is your fault, you god damned idiot! Do you see me and Myers talking? Hell no-_

"Well it doesn't matter whose fault it is-only that Ghostface is the punching bag of the house. After all, who else can put up with all our bullshit? The only other pussy in the house is Myers and he has...rage issues. Anyway, I think that we should all just calm down and chill out. We don't get out of the apartment much so let's just enjoy it while we can." Freddy snapped as the finally came to a clearing in the thick woods. They all looked around in amazement.

_Wow. _Michael wrote on a piece of paper, _this place sure is..._

Jason: _Out there. What if Ghostface gets Myers shit faced again and he kills us all? Who will we call-_

Ghostface's head perked up. "Ghostbus-"

"Don't you even finish that sentence, you prick. Just don't." Freddy warned him, waving his clawed hand in the air. Ghostface nodded and found a space in the clearing, right in the center, and pointed at it.

"That's where I want my tent. So put it there Myers-"

"Too bad. It's my tent too and I want it over there-" Freddy pointed to another spot and in confusion Michael threw the tent over there and stared from Freddy to Ghostface.

Jason's eyes widened. _We're sharing tents?_

"Fuck yeah, Voorhees. You don't think that we have enough money to throw around towards tents above all things do you? Hell no...we just need to pick who we're sleeping in the same tent with. Not _sleeping with, _think you can handle that Myers?"

Michael looked at the empty clearing dismally. _I don't want to share a tent._

Jason: _Perfect. Since you and Ghostface seem so resentful to share tents you can each sleep outside and me and Kruger can have a tent all to ourselves._

Ghostface chuckled. "Like I would ever give you that satisfaction, Voorhees." then went over to the space that Freddy had pointed too and looked at it. "Well I suppose that this isn't a bad spot...I guess I could manage."

"Good," Freddy said as he went over to Ghostface, "because that's where we're staying."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It was a long afternoon full of foolish shenanigans but eventually they all managed to put the tents up and decide who was sleeping in whatever tent; Michael and Jason and Freddy and Ghostface. Michael and Jason were only mildly bitter about the situation whereas Freddy and Ghostface-mainly Ghostface-wouldn't let the thing die.

"But I don't wanna sleep with _him! _I loath him!" Ghostface whined as they all sat around the campfire around 7 or 8 o'clock.

Jason and Michael rolled their eyes and sighed; that had been the only thing that Ghostface had talked about in the past few hours. Finally Jason worked up enough nerve to ask; _Do you want to trade tents?_

Ghostface stopped his whining and stared at the silent slashers then crossed his arms over his chest like a two year old. "I wanna sleep wit-in the same tent as Myers."

Michael's eyes became wide and he gazed at Jason who sat there stifling a laugh. _What? _he wrote, _why me?_

"Because Voorhees scares me." Ghostface said simply. Freddy sighed and rolled his eyes.

"It's already been decided. No one's switching tents with anyone. Besides, if Ghostface slept with Myers then we'd have a lot of...unneeded problems in the morning. How about we just-"

Jason's head shot up. _What was that?_

Michael: _What? I didn't hear-_

Jason: _Shhh! _He paused for a second; _there it was again!_

"What? What was it?" Ghostface asked as he looked around nervously.

Freddy scoffed. "It wasn't anything. The big retard probably just heard a tree falling-"

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear-"

Michael: _Oh my God. You really can't ever shut up, can you fuck face? God! But all the same, I still didn't hear anything, Voorhees._

Jason sighed. _Yeah. Remember the last time that you didn't hear what I heard? You got ripped in half by a chainsaw. So shut the fuck up and listen..._

Everyone was silent for a moment then there came the cracking of branches somewhere in the forest...the ring of a cell phone. Ghostface gasped. "That's my cell! I've gotta go get it!"

Freddy tried to stop him, but Ghostface was determined and ran past him and out of the campsite. "Aw shit! Son of a bitch! Who's going after him now?" he gazed at the other two who said nothing.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"How do I always get yanked into this shit?" Freddy murmured as he made his way through the thick forest in search of Ghostface. "Fuck face! Where are you?!"

No answer. Of course. If Ghostface just gave up and let Freddy find him that would be too easy. Suddenly there came another ring of a cell phone and and more branched cracking...he whirled around and whispered into the night, "Hello? Ghostface? Please come out!"

He had a brief flashback to the last time he had been wandering in the forest alone...Leatherface had been after him then. Now it seemed like something was still after him. Looking around he sighed and scratched his bald head.

Maybe Ghostface was already back at camp. Or maybe Freddy had just never seen a horror movie before because they were _never _just 'already back at camp'. Something had happened and now he had to fix it.

Freddy cupped his hands around his mouth. "Ghostface...please come out or I'm...in a lot of trouble..." he turned around and realized that he was utterly lost and then, out of nowhere, something flashed in the corner of his eye. His eyes widened. "Oh shit-"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael and Jason sighed as they sat in their tent, freezing their asses off. _Boy, _Michael wrote, _I sure wish that Kruger would hurry up._

Jason shrugged. _I hope that they are either missing or dead._

They both sat in silence for another second or two before Michael sighed and wrote, _You know what's weird?_

_What?_

_Well in your movies-the Friday the 13th ones I mean-don't all the kids fuck each other in tents?_

Jason stared at him oddly. _What are you saying Myers?_

Michael shrugged and traced a line in the dirt floor of the tent. _I dunno...just odd isn't it?_

_Uhh...yeah. Hold that though for a while...I'm going out. _Jason scratched hurridley as he forced his way out of the tent. _God, _he thought as he made his way along the beaten camp path and into the forest, _Myers...queer? Nah, probably just-_

"Ah shit! Son of a bitch!" a voice called from somewhere in the forest. Jason hurridley unsheathed his machete and hacked through some branches. It took him awhile but eventually he found the source of the noise; Ghostface.

_What the fuck are you doing here, fuck face? Where's Kruger?_

Ghostface shrugged and hugged one of his legs to his chest. "I-I don't know. He was here and now he isn't. I think that they broke my leg-"

_Who's they?And why are you sitting here in the forest alone? I almost cut you in half..._

Ghostface gasped and pointed, "Look! Behind you!"

Jason whirled around, hacking the air with his machete but it was too late; a gun was forced against his cranium and went off. Jason's eyes became wide as he fell to the ground, his brains but a pulpy mess on the ground. Ghostface gripped his head in his hands.

"Oh crap...what's wrong with you crazy people?" he asked as he watched Jason's seemingly lifeless body.

A very country sounding voice answered him, one that possessed a thick southern drawl. "I know your kind stranger. Nothin' but trouble fer folks in these here parts. It's time we got rid of the trouble."

"What trouble? Wait...you don't happen to know a Thomas Brown Hewitt aka Leatherface, do you?" Ghostface asked fearfully as a man in overalls and a trucker hat stepped towards him.

"Hell no." he said as he spat out some old tobacco, "but I do know what Imma do with you..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael sighed as he stretched out in the tent and tried to get to sleep; he was so tall that his feet stuck out of the other end. Suddenly from outside there came a gunshot and some yelling..._Oh shit. _Michael thought to himself as he sat upright and looked around wildly.

As he desperately looked around for his kitchen knife a loud clattering came from outside the tent. Clutching the knife in his hands, Michael cautiously peeked out of the tent-there were people. Country looking people, an old lady wearing and apron and plain dress and a guy with a straw hat and flannel shirt.

Michael sighed and slowly got out of the tent. _Just people? I can kill people-_

"Hey maw look! There's one of them right now!" the man yelled and to Michael's surprise he aimed a shotgun at him and fired. Though Michael was surprised, he managed to jump to the side and avoid the bullet.

_Oh crap. What have they done? _He asked himself as he crawled away into the brush of the nearby forest. Upon seeing a large tree he hid behind it but also began itching his arm.

The itching only got worse as the seconds passed and before long his whole body was itching. Looking around wildly he found that what he had crawled in, what he was now sitting in, was poison ivy. _Oh motherfuck-_

"This ain't no good Junior. I think he got away." a voice came from no too far off. It was answered by the man's voice.

"Aww Maw. Hows about you just go meet Paw and I catch the son of a bitch fer ya?"

"That's what you're a'gonna have to do, Junior. I can't be spendin' the whole goddamn night crawlin' around in the brush and whatnot. Find him and bring him like the others been brought."

"Yes mamma."

The voices stopped just then and Michael stopped itching as the crunching of branches came from about 100 yards away. Looking behind the tree he saw the man, poised and ready with his shot gun.

Suddenly the man whirled around and stared Michael right in the eye for a second before raising his shot gun.

"Yer mine bastard."

_God what a hick. _Michael thought as the man pulled the trigger.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy gasped as his eyes popped open. It was...a living room? A living room full of dead animal heads mounted on walls and empty beer cans. Pretty much his worst nightmare.

"What is this place?" he asked, hoping that someone-preferably one of the three slashers-would answer him; someone did.

"This here's our home stranger. We was hopin' that you would stay fer supper."

From the kitchen there came another voice, this one of a woman. "Paw come on in and wash fer supper. We have guests-"

"Wait..._guests?"_

"That's right, stranger! Now jus' come along real quiet like and we'll take you to your friends-"

Freddy shook his head and got to his feet and an old man came to the door with a shotgun in tow. "Now are you gonna come to supper quiet or is me and Junior gonna have to help you?"

"Umm...yeah I-I uh...I think I'll come quietly." Freddy said as he swallowed.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The dining room was just as filthy as the rest of the house but had one main difference-or more specifically three. Michael, Ghostface and Jason all sat at the table-except for Jason who was slumped over in his seat with his head resting on his table-and looking dreadful.

"Jesus fucking Christ." Freddy murmered as the man guided him to his chair at the far end of the table. Glancing over at Ghostface he lashed out with his foot. Ghostface's head shot up and looked around wildly.

"Hey...fuck face!" he whispered.

"W-what?" Ghostface hissed back. Freddy quickly glanced at the others and leaned a little closer to him.

"How do we get out?"

Ghostface jerked his head in the direction of the kitchen. "There's a door in...the kitchen!"

"Well maw I reckon that that big one's just about ready to go-" the younger man, Junior said as he motioned to Jason who still seemed to be alive, but just having a difficult time opening his eyes.

Michael Jason's arm and didn't let go, even as the older hick brought out his shot gun. _No way in hell, old man. Can't you see that he's not dead?_

The old woman put a dish of lord knows what on the table and glared at Michael. "Boy you and the rest of you is so dead that you don't even know it."

Junior laughed idiotically and took the shot gun from his father. "Daddy lemme shoot him! I can do it! I found it-"

"Oh fuck this." Ghostface said as he pulled out his knife from his sleeve. Junior pointed the shot gun at him, seeing what he was about to do.

"Fuck you, damn idjot!" he cried as he pulled the trigger. Ghostface's head lolled for a precious second, then dropped and his whole body slumped onto the table.

"Aw shit!" Freddy howled as the young boy pointed the shot gun at him. Tentatively he slashed the air with his clawed hand, praying that by some miracle he would kill the boy; the sound of a shot gun clattering onto the floor echoed throughout the dining room.

Freddy opened his eyes and saw the old woman and man bending over and checking for their son's pulse. The mother cried and held her head in her filthy hands. "What did you do to my baby...what did you do to my boy?"

He shook his head hurriedly as Michael rushed him to his feet. "No-I didn't...I'm sorry."

Michael: _Why do you choose now to have the slightest trace of remorse? Come on...NOW!_

Freddy nodded but still looked at the family with the slightest trace of sorrow in his eyes but he quickly recovered and hustled over to Ghostface. "Hey fuck face...you gotta wake up."

Ghostface said nothing, just made a grumbling noise. "Mmmm..."

"Shit! Michael he won't wake up-"

Another shot gun blast and Michael dropped to the floor and then the old man stopped to reload. "You asshole," he said as he aimed the weapon at Freddy, "I outa blow your fuckin' brains out right now asshole-"

Freddy sighed and pressed his clawed hand to his neck. "Then go ahead and do it motherfucker. Or are you just gonna make me slit my own throat."

The old man glared at him. "You ain't got the fuckin' balls do you?"

"You really wanna bet my life on it?" Freddy hissed.

The old woman rose to her feet after she took the old, ragged tablecloth and shrouded her dead son with it. "What you waitin' for Pa? Ain't like he's goin' anywhere..."

"Yeah," the old man said as he cocked the gun, "he ain't going no where."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

In the end the truth of the matter was that slashers didn't die easy and not even a couple of severe shots to the head could kill them. Serial killers were known for their hard heads. And no matter what the odd country folk could have done, nothing would bring their son back or kill the likes of Jason Voorhees, Ghostface, Michael Myers or Freddy Kruger. In fact, about two weeks later they were back in their apartment watching T.V. With bandages wrapped around their heads.

"So..." Ghostface said groggily. Although he had gotten the bullets extracted, he was still thinking slowly. "What's next?"

Jason cradled his head in his hands as he scratched onto a piece of old paper. _Nothing. My head still hurts._

Michael a sound that was equivalent to a groan. _Ow...I got a headache again._

"Did you take your meds?" Freddy asked sharply as he fingered his top hat in his hands. Michale painfully shook his head and gripped it.

_Shit!_

"Then don't complain Myers..." Freddy continued as Ghostface sighed and flipped the T.V. Channel.

"Yep. After this I think that it's safe to say that we're definitely not going no where." Ghostface said as the channels steadily flipped past.

Jason glared at the screen. _Or at least not until our heads heal._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Thanks for reading this episode. I appreciate it. There are just a few things that I wish to make clear at this point:

I really do thank you for reading.

I would like to take this opportunity to shamelessly self promote my other stories; my fiction press account name currently is _the redeemed. _If you like my fan fiction then you might just like my original writings as well.

This episode wasn't meant to be written about a specific horror movie, but the creepy camping trip ones-you know the kind. Somehow there are always those shot gun-wielding country hicks.

Is Michael gay or a homosexual-yes I know that they're the same thing but I don't want to offend anybody-maybe he is, maybe he isn't.

And most importantly, the next few episodes might be few and far between or however you say it. Mostly because I put up a story after proofreading it only once at 8 at night and it had a few grammatical errors which caused one person to post a review saying that the whole damned story was 'appalling' and she couldn't get past two paragraphs because she was 'assaulted by errors' and something about the story being a disgrace...

Needless to say that I'm a little bitter but mostly scarred-has she _seen _some of the other stories out there? So, out of fear, I may not put up episodes so frequently unless I feel like risking someone bite my head off.

But don't fret-new episodes are on their way.

_Thanks. ^_^_


	11. Episode 11Jason vs Jason X

Episode 11-Jason vs. Jason X

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Well this is just dandy." Freddy muttered as he lay strapped to some kind of lab table and a finely tipped scalpel protruded from Michael Myers' eye socket. Jason, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen and surprisingly it was a big gap in the household. Ghostface was at a loss for words.

Finally he sighed and shrugged his shoulders the best he could, which wasn't much because he too was strapped to heavy metal table. "Yep. What's new?"

Freddy looked up at the ceiling. "How did this even happen?"

"Don't you remember? It all started when Voorhees answered a door..."

"And now we're science experiments? And Jason has probably been ripped to pieces by now." he sighed and lowered his head. "Damn. I never expected this when I moved in. I thought that it might even be...boring."

Ghostface laughed. "Well it certainly isn't boring. But I still can't believe what happened this time. When Jason answered that door, we just all thought it was real peachy but...

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

A DAY EARLIER...

It definitely wasn't peachy. It had been a boring day, much like any other, the most interesting thing being when Freddy and Ghostface began fighting over the remote. Ghostface finally relinquished his hold on the remote when Freddy threatened to make sure that he never slept again.

"That's more like it..." Freddy muttered as he flipped it to VH1 and watched a replay of when _Flavor of Love _contestant 'Pumkin' spat at another contestant, 'New York'. The standard of American T.V. Is overwhelming, isn't it?

Michael rolled his eyes. _This reality shit is so stupid. I remember when I was still running around killing these skanks-_

"Myers! Language!" Ghostface warned as he munched on some potato chips, "We don't use the word 'skank' in this house...apartment. We use the term skank whore. Jeez...can you believe how bad that reality shit is? I can't believe the values that it's teaching America!"

Jason scoffed. _Ghostface Korea has been trying to launch a nuclear bomb at us for years and your biggest concern is the television?_

"Okay, Voorhees. It's apparent that your just a free thinking, mind blowing hippie protester, aren't you? Flower power all the way, right? Well that's all fine and dandy but I won't give. T.V. Is what's making all the little girls of the world prostitutes and-

Jason: _Do you even realize how ignorant your sounding right now?_

Michael and Freddy stared at each other. _Hey how about you turn that shit off the T.V. Kruger? _Michael wrote. Freddy shook his head deviously.

"Hell no Myers. I smell a cat fight coming."

Jason: _I really don't think that girl hookers matter much now anyway. If you wanna be a hooker, you wanna be a hooker. Besides, Kruger likes little girl hookers..._

Freddy's head shot in his direction. "I resent that remark! For the last god damned time, I don't like having sex with little children, okay?"

Jason smiled cleverly beneath his mask. _I didn't say 'little children', I said little girls._

"Oh fuck you to hell, Voorhees-"

_I've already been, thanks for bringing up those lovely memories._

Michael sighed. "Can't we all just shut up and get along for once?"

Ghostface jumped on his comment. "So now Myers is a hippie?"

_No I'm not, I-_

"You sure as hell smell like one."

Freddy laughed. "Oh...low blow fuck face. Especially considering how your...what was it, three?"

Jason: _Yep, definitely three movies of inconsistent slop._

"Yeah. Three movies didn't have a plot. No wonder why no one's tried to remake _Scream_."

"Shut up, you watered-down child molesting idiot. They did have plots, they just had different plots that no one could understand-they were genius!" Ghostface said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Michael shook his head. _Yeah right up there with Einstein, right? There's the theory of relativity and then Scream._

"Shut up! I-" just as Ghostface was about to say something really nasty, there was a knock on the door. They all stared at each other, all secretly fearing the same thing; they had put up with pinheads, dancing clowns, insane doctors and even some pissed off Asian girl...

"Jason's the strongest. He should answer it." Freddy piped up. Jason glared at him but shrugged like it was nothing.

He didn't move quickly, in fact he moved like even he was afraid. As he opened the door it was like he was standing in a mirror; the visitor had a hockey mask, although it was a bit more...futuristic? Was that the word? Freddy didn't know...he never had been good with words and whatnot, which was the exact reason he had failed 1st grade English.

The futuristic Jason shoved a note at the plain old Jason. _I'm Jason X._

The regular Jason glared at him. _Yeah, so? What's the bid deal?_

_I'm your replacement._

Jason just stood there looking wide eyed as Jason X pushed past him and looked around the small apartment. He stood there for a minute, staring at the entire room with a look of disgust under his mask. _This is it? Pitiful..._

"Well it ain't exactly supposed to be fancy, you know? We just sort of sit here until we just...go away." Ghostface said as he surveyed the new Jason up and down.

In fact, they were all staring at him. Regular Jason was almost seven feet of hulking murder, but Jason X was at least a foot taller and much more muscular. Almost like the ultimate, unkillable killer-an unkillable killer, like the kind that didn't have sequels because they could never die to begin with. He glared at all of them.

Jason X: _So...what do you do here?_

Michael shrugged. _Watch T.V. Mostly. You'll find out about the other stuff later. That can be sort of like your initiation-_

Jason shook his head and pushed past Jason X. _Nu-uh. He is not staying with us, there's no way._

Freddy laughed wickedly. "What's wrong Voorhees? Not up for the competition?" Ghostface laughed too, wanting to join in the conversation.

"Ha! Voorhees can't handle it..."

_I can too handle it. I can-_

Jason X went up to his twin and glared down at him. Jason swallowed as he stared up at the hulking giant. _Go ahead motherfucker. _Jason X wrote on a piece of paper. _Handle me._

Michael perked up his head slightly and reached for his knife. _Hey, hey. Why don't we all just calm down?_

Jason X turned to him. S_hut the fuck up you idiot. And this place is already small enough-how can you all live here at once?_

"We don't," Ghostface said as he watched the scene unfolding before him with eagerness, "we're all sort of dead inside."

He shrugged and pushed Jason roughly away. _Too bad. You'll have to get outside. On the balcony. Now._

Freddy jumped up. "Nu-uh. There's no way that we're moving out."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Well this sucks." Ghostface said as he looked inside at Jason X who sat there watching T.V.

Freddy sighed. "You wanna go tell him to get out?"

All of them stared at him and shook their heads. Michael cleaned his fingernails out with his knife as he stretched out his legs. _It's not all that bad._

Jason glared at him. _It's not all bad for you because your legs are taking up the whole fucking balcony!_

He shrugged passively. _I have long legs._

Jason: _I'm the tallest one!_

"Not anymore. I think that Jason X could just about outdo all of us." Ghostface said as he looked over the balcony at San Antonio's many lights. "But it's not really all bad."

"Oh yeah, sure," Freddy said with a look of scorn, "another, even gayer version of Jason is waltzing around in _my _apartment, Michael's feet are in my face, you smell like rotten hell and Jason is still alive...things are really 'not that bad'."

Michael rolled his eyes. _I have long legs, okay? What the fuck am I supposed to do? Hack them off?_

Jason gazed at him. _Wait, wait. I'm sorry, I forgot. You were completely fucked up when Jigsaw trapped us, right? Or did you already forget-_

"Yeah, yeah! You lost a foot, we get it already Voorhees. Let it go!" Ghostace said exasperatedly as he looked up at the night sky.

_Oh yeah. How rude of me to dote on a lost motherfucking foot, asshole. You couldn't even handle seeing me hack Myers open!_

Michael: _Who could? I didn't see you looking so spry when you hacked me open either, Voorhees._

Freddy sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. Inside the apartment Jason X was staring of the glass balcony doors with a look of amusement in his eyes. Unable to take anymore of the useless arguing he yelled above all of them, "Shut the fuck up! It doesn't even matter anymore! Jason resewed his foot anyway, Myers got his stomach stitched up and Ghostface and me got out alive. What does it matter?"

They all stared at each other for another second. Jason X opened the balcony doors, stuck his head out of the apartment and tossed them some blankets and a pillow. _There. Now do me a favor and shut the fuck up._

Jason, who hated Jason X, glared up at him and rose to his feet. _Or what, motherfucker?_

Jason X smiled down at him and patted him on his bald head. _That's cute. But why don't you be a good little mamma's boy and sit your ass down?_

_I am not a mamma's boy you asshole. _They all laughed at this. Jason glared at them. _What's so funny? I'm not!_

"Oh yeah sure, hockey puck. What was the entire reason that you and Kruger got in your first cat fight?"

Michael: _It was because you thought that mommy dearest told you to-_

Jason: _I remember the god damned reason. And what's wrong with someone loving their mother?_

Freddy laughed again and shook his head. "Everything! God damn...if that's your only reason for killing...for being alive-"

Jason X rolled his eyes. _So do you all like...always fight like this, or what?_

Ghostface shrugged. "Nope. This is pretty much how it is all the time. I told you that we're dead inside."

Michael nodded. _Yeah. Most people don't take him seriously when he tells them that but we're pretty much just all waiting for something to finally snuff us out one day._

_Wow, _Jason X wrote, _That's pretty heavy._

"Yep. It's pretty much just how we rollllll..." Freddy said lazily as he smacked his lips and his mind wondered. Then his head snapped up just as he began to fall asleep. "Why are you out here again?"

Jason X shrugged and threw a note at him as he retreated back into the apartment; _No reason. Just wanted you to all shut up and get along._

Freddy smiled and threw the note over the edge of the balcony. "Impossible." he whispered just as everyone began to nod off, "Just impossible."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

That night was a long one. Michael's feet were in pretty much everyone's face, another fight broke out and Ghostface nearly got thrown off the balcony by Freddy...but in the morning everyone was good and tired so no one really had the energy to argue.

Jason X slammed the balcony door open and threw a box of Cheeriosin Freddy's arms then went back inside. Freddy jumped and looked at the box of cereal. "Wha...what's this?"

"Cheerios dumb ass. Now give me some." Ghostface said as he held out his gloved hand. Freddy shook his head.

"Hell no."

"But why not?"

"Because you just called me a dumb ass!"

Jason opened his eyes and scratched his head then he gazed drowsily over to Ghostface and Freddy. _What's wrong?_

Ghostface looked pointed at Freddy and cried in an exceedingly whiny voice, "He won't share his Cheerios!"

Freddy scoffed. "Yeah because he called me a dumb ass!"

Jason shrugged and passed them a note. _So? You are an dumb ass._

Michael, who had been woken up by all the yelling, looked deadly as he snatched the Cheerios away from Freddy and began to devour them himself, eating by the handful. Freddy and Ghostface looked horrified. Ghostface lunged at Michael, nearly sending him sprawling over the edge of the balcony. Freddy turned to Jason.

"You'd better go in there right now and fix this Voorhees! We can't live like this!"

Jason glared at him. _Or what?_

"Or I'll make sure that you wake up down in the alley with a broken back." Freddy said and he motioned to the edge of the balcony.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason sighed and wretched open the balcony doors. Jason X whirled his head around and dropped his bowl of Cocoa Puffs. He glared at Jason and they communicated silently. _What the fuck do you think you're doing?_

_I really don't know...I think that I'm evicting you. _

_Oh really?_

_Yep. So would you mind getting out?_

Jason X gave him a comical look. _No._

_Please?_

He shrugged. _Nope. Sorry asshole. I'm not going anywhere._

_Oh, _Jason thought as he began to back away towards the balcony doors. _That's fine then...I'll just leave-_

_Not so fast. I've just about had enough of you. It's time to end it._

Jason swallowed and distractedly put his hand on his machete that was strapped to his belt. _End what? There's nothing to end._

Jason X scoffed and rolled his eyes. Then he got up and drew out his machete. His was at least twice as big as regular Jason's. _I'm gonna end you-_

_But if you end me then who will be Jason?_

_What?_

Jason was just thinking on his feet now, trying anything to avoid a fight with his bigger, stronger and just all around better twin. _I am you and you are me so if you kill me, who is yourself, then how will you live if I am just an earlier version of you? I could survive killing you because you technically are the future me, but I'm the past you so if you killed me you would be killing your...past? Wait...let me think..._

Jason X sighed and rested his giant machete on his shoulders. _That doesn't even make sense and you know it._

Jason shrugged. _It was worth a try._

_Just how stupid do you think that I am?_

_Don't you mean how stupid do I think that myself is? _Jason asked. He was beginning to get a headache. Jason X glared at him and raised his machete. Regular Jason gasped and raised his own but it shattered as Jason X's hit it.

_Ah shit! _Jason thought as he hurriedly tried to open the balcony doors. On the outside Freddy, Ghostface and Michael watched him with eagerness as he pounded on the glass. _Open the doors!_

Freddy shook his head and stared delightedly as Jason X picked up Jason and threw him into the glass doors, making them give way and shatter. "Oh shit," Freddy commented as they all watched Jason plummet over the edge, "maybe this wasn't such a hot idea..."

"You think?" Ghostface asked as he took pictures with his phone. Jason X pushed past them and looked over the edge of the balcony.

He reseated his machete and jumped over the edge as well, except he landed on his feet. Jason looked up at his twin and sighed. _Delightful. _

Jason X picked him up and slammed him against the brick outside of Wimbleton Apartment and retrieved his machete. Pressing it to Jason's throat he slid it across and then watched as Jason began to gag and grip his throat. He dropped him to the ground and kicked him.

Jason gasped out breaths as he tried to controll his breathing but he could only watch as Jason X lifted his machete high in the air. With one last exertion of energy, he brought it down, skewering regular Jason right through the abdomen. Jason shuttered and closed his eyes as he felt his air leave him.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Up on the balcony Freddy, Ghostface, and Michael were leaning over the edge and trying to get a good idea of what was happening six stories below.

"Oh shit man..." Freddy said as he watched Jason X yank his machete out of regular Jason, "I think that I just killed Jason Voorhees!"

Ghostface shrugged. "I bet he's not dead...he can't be dead...he'll be getting up any second...any second now..." but Jason didn't get up. He didn't even move as Jason X dumped his lifeless body into one of the dumpsters.

Michael hit Freddy upside the head. "Ow! What'd I do?"

_You asshole! You killed him!_

Freddy shook his head slowly and watched as Jason X retrieved his machete, reseathed it for the last time and walked around the corner. He carefully replaced his top hat atop his head. "But I...didn't mean to? Hell no! I was supposed to kill that bastard! God damn it!"

"Well he's not coming out of that dumpster. I say we give him till Thursday-that's when the trash gets picked up." Ghostface muttered as he pressed some buttons on his phone. "After that he's dead to me."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

PRESENT TIME...

"Oh yeah! Now I remember! Yeah...that sucks." Freddy muttered as he tried to cut the straps that bound him to the metal table. "I wanted to kill that-"

"Yeah, yeah Kruger. We know. You 'wanted to kill that bastard'. That's all you've been saying since he got killed."

"He's not dead. If I couldn't kill him-and trust me, I tried _everything- _he ain't dead."

Ghostface rolled his eyes under his mask. "Yeah but-"

Suddenly the door in the kitchen opened and Jason stepped through the door looking dazed and confused but very much alive. He put a finger over his lips and motioned for them to be quiet. Slowly and silently he made his way over to them and cut the straps with what was left of his machete.

Freddy dusted himself off and resentfully said, "Yeah, yeah. Thanks I-look behind you Voorhees!"

Just as Jason turned his head, Jason X punched him right in the mouth. _Motherfucker I knew you'd be back! I knew it..._

"Shit! Jason get your retarded ass up right now!" Freddy yelled as Jason X unsheathed his machete.

Jason raised his head and seemed almost amused. His gaze met Jason X's. _You can't kill me asshole. I can't die._

_You can if I make it so! _Jason X said as he raised his machete and prepared to bring it down. But this time Jason wouldn't have it; he kicked him right...hmm-I think I'll take the high road this time and just say 'you-can-imagine-where'. Jason X might have been stronger and just better than the average serial killer, but he went down all the same. Ghostface laughed hysterically whereas Freddy actually looked like he felt sorry for Jason X.

"Oh...low blow, Voorhees!" Ghostface said as he laughed loudly. Freddy glared at him.

"Shut your mouth! You're ruining the fight dumb ass!"

Ghostface grew abruptly silent as Jason rose to his feet and stared down at Jason X. _Are you gonna get out of here now motherfucker?_

Jason X rose to his feet and shook his head slowly. _No fucking way. Not without a fair fight from you._

He punched but regular Jason dodged it and hit him the the stomach. Jason X doubled over in pain as he gripped his stomach and Jason snatched Ghostface's knife and stabbed him in the head.

_There, _he thought cheerfully as he dropped the knife onto the ground, _a fair fight. Now allow me to escort you out._

"Hey, hey! You'd better clean up that blood spot on the carpet or it'll set in." Freddy said as he and Ghostface made their way over to Michael and undid the straps that bound him to the table. Jason sighed and carried Jason X's seemingly dead corpse out the door of the apartment.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"So...that was an odd misadventure." Ghostface said as he lazily flipped thought the T.V. Channels like so many times before. Freddy shrugged and yawned. It would be an early night for all of them.

"I think that the Leatherface misadventure was worse. But for Voorhees, I could see how it would be the worst."

_It really wasn't so bad. I think that Michael had it the best this time, though._

Michael, who had successfully gotten the rusted scalpel out of his eye was now just struggling to stay halfway conscious because of all of the pain pills that he had taken. He didn't even have the sense left to scribble a not so he just nodded and let his head loll against his chest.

"Yep. I think that from now on we should just not answer the door." Ghostface said as he settled for this week's episode of _The Secret Life of the American Teenager. _Freddy sighed but didn't feel like arguing over the show tonight.

"You never did tell us what happened to Jason X's corpse though."

Jason smiled under his mask and passed a note around; _Let's just say that he won't bother us again._

Ghostface was utterly unimpressed with this answer. "We asked you what you did to him, Voorhees. Not the end line of another chapter. I think that we deserve to know."

_Okay, _Jason wrote, _if you really want to know I cut his head off, wrapped him in a trash bag and put him in the dumpster._

Freddy laughed. "So I guess that we never really will be hearing from him again!"

"Or not too soon, in any case." Ghostface muttered as he watched his show. "And that's good enough for me."


	12. Episode 12WhyGuysShouldn

Episode 12-Why Guys Shouldn't Play With Dolls

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"So...been pretty quiet lately, huh?" Ghostface asked as he texted on his cell phone. Freddy, Michael and Jason all sighed and looked up to the ceiling.

Michael: _You know something? I almost mis Jason X...although I can't seem to remember what happened those few days. Odd isn't it?_

Jason: _Not really. You had a scalpel stabbed in your eye. You were pretty much out that whole time. You do remember that, don't you?_

Michael shrugged and fingered his knife lazily. _Not really._

"Yeah well I do. And we're never opening that door again, I'll tell you that much." Freddy muttered as he just sat there watching _VH1's The Drug Years. _God he loved hippie girls. Ghostface snatched the remote away.

"I don't like this show-"

Jason: _Is it because you know that you're selling that stuff to people?_

Michael smiled under his mask. _Ha...fuck face is breeding hippies!_

"I don't sell LSD you idiots. I sell crack or weed...I really don't care. As long as I make money and get a buzz."

"Oh you're about to get more than a buzz alright!" Freddy yelled as he tried to snatch the remote from Ghostface. "Motherfucker! Give me the-"

Suddenly the whole glass balcony door gave way and from outside there came the screeching sound of a car driving away. All of them ducked under the sofa. After a few seconds, Freddy tentatively whispered, "Jason should go. He's the strongest-"

_You asshole! That's what you said last time!_

"Yeah but you won, didn't you?" Ghostface hissed as he nudged Jason's shoulder. "Go!"

Michael lowered his head and cursed silently. _Shit! I just finished taping it together last night!_

"Well evidently you didn't do a good job." Freddy commented as Jason slowly rose to his feet. Like so many times before Jason made his way over to the door, stepped over the shattered glass and went out onto the balcony. The other three raised their head.

"W-what is it, hockey puck?" Freddy asked as he got to his feet as well and stepped over the couch.

Jason shrugged. _There's nothing here...not even a note._

Ghostface leaped over the couch and began exploring the glass. After a few seconds he jumped back and yelled. "What the fuck is _that_?"

Now Michael joined him and picked up something that seemed to be a small person-a doll. It had a horribly charred face and gross staples covered its scalp, keeping its face stitched together. The others looked at it with repulsion on their faces but Michael smiled.

_It's a doll..._

"Yeah no shit Sherlock. But...I dunno...I think that we shouldn't keep it. It seems so vaguely familiar, doesn't it?" Freddy said as he poked the doll's face with one of his clawed fingers.

Ghostface stared at it then he reached around the doll's back and pulled a string."Hi, I'm Chuckie. Wanna play?" the doll said in an annoyingly squeaky childlike voice.

Jason came back in holding a little slip of paper. _It doesn't say much; 'He's your problem now'._

Michael clutched the doll to his chest. _I'm keeping it._

They all stared at him oddly. Finally Freddy shrugged and said, "Don't see why you would want a doll anyways. But I can't possibly foresee how this would be a _bad _idea-"

Jason rolled his eyes and shoved a note in his face; _I do. _

Ghostface nodded and pointed to the doll's tarnished face. "Yeah. I mean just _look _at the damn thing! It can't be good news, no fucking way."

Michael just shrugged and walked back over to the couch. _The vote's a tie. So if one bad thing happens that you can all directly trace back to the doll then fine. I'll get rid of him._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The very next morning everyone was awoken at 3 in the morning by Ghostface's cell phone. Its ring tone rang out clearly throughout the one-roomed apartment;

_If you're going to San Fransisco _

_Be sure to wear flowers in your hair_

_If you're going to San Fransisco _

_You're gonna meet some gentle people there..._

Ghostface cursed loudly and fumbled to find his phone. After another minute of this Freddy grabbed him by the throat. "Where the hell is your cell, fuck face?"

Ghostface gasped and whispered, "In my shirt...please be quiet, the others are trying to sleep."

Freddy looked at him miraculously in the dark. After one more brief second of this he looked around on the floor, which is where Ghostface and Jason slept. "Where's your shirt? And why aren't you wearing it?"

Ghostface laughed in an stoned way. "I don't know."

"You are gonna die in about two seconds if you don't find your shirt-"

"Okay, okay," he muttered as he got down on all fours and began searching under the couch. The phone had stopped ringing by now but everyone was up all the same. Jason rose from his sleeping place and scratched his head tiredly.

_What's going on? Has Michael's doll unleashed Pinhead's cube again?_

Suddenly from over by the sink there came the frantic calling of Pennywise, who was still inhabiting the pipes. His voice came out loud and echoing. "What is that god awful racket?"

Just then the second chorus of _San Fransisco(Be Sure to Wear Flower in Your Hair)_began to play.Ghostface sat upright and said, "Okay...we just all need to chill out...I'm sure that if we pray about it God will help us find it."

Michael looked agitated, the fake hair of his Halloween mask mussed and his eyes furious. _God? All I want 'God' to do is help me sleep!_

Ghostface glared at him. "Hey man...God is one awesome dude-"

Jason unsheathed his machete. _You've got three seconds._

Freddy ignored Jason's words and angrily thrust his clawed hand into Ghostface's abdomen. "Make that one second, bitch!"

Ghostface gasped and reached under his mask as the taste of blood coated his lips. "Shit son...that ain't groovy man..."

Michael rolled his eyes and laid back down on his half of the couch. _Who even says 'groovy' anymore?_

"He's stoned Myers. There's a reason they call it dope ya know." Freddy said as he wiped his bloody claws on his Christmas sweater. Michael let out a loud noise, almost like a gasp and looked around wildly. Jason turned to him.

_What's wrong?_

Michael's eyes were wide and frantic. _I lost the doll...what was his name again?_

"It was something like Charlie or Bruce or Johnnie or something, right?" Freddy said as he stretched back on the couch. "But either way it's no big deal. You can go looking for him tomorrow or something. You can take fuck face with you when he isn't so stoned."

Somewhere on the floor Ghostface stifled a laugh and started to sing the ring tone of his phone softly. "If you're going to San Fransisco-"

Jason threw a ball of paper at him and Ghostface read it loudly. "U R GONNA DIE IF U SAY 1 MORE WURD...you gots _really _bad spelling-"

Jason jammed his machete in Ghostface's chest, right through his heart then pulled it out again and rolled over on the floor and tried to get to sleep.

It really was ashame that some serial killers really just couldn't die.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The next morning pretty much everyone was tired. It was hard to get to sleep after the phone incident mostly because they had never found the phone to begin with, just tried to ignore it. But whenever hippie music is ceaselessly playing, it can be nearly impossible to sleep or even think for that matter.

Ghostface stumbled over to the kitchen table and fell into one of the wooden chairs. "I-I think that I have to puke..."

Freddy smiled as he sipped on his coffee. "What's wrong, fuck face? Didn't smoke more than you could handle last night, did you?"

"No such thing. I'm sure that being repeatedly stabbed didn't help anything either-"

The cell phone began to ring again and they all groaned and laid their heads on the table. Michael actually went so far as to cover his ears. _And of course it has to be one of the stupidest hippie songs of all time._

Ghostface scoffed. "They had good songs-"

_Yeah, _Jason wrote, _like that one from Hendrix and maybe those two from Joplin. After that it was all crap._

From the sink Pennywise called again, this time sounding just plain desperate. "Please make that racket stop! In the pipes it echoes!"

Michael: _And the worst part is that I didn't find the stupid doll. Quite frankly it's sort of a relief...he was starting to creep me out._

Freddy rolled his eyes and said over the insistent ring tone, "I knew you wouldn't be able to keep it for more than two days. You parents must have spoiled you hardcore, Myers...I mean if you're willing to give up something in perfectly good shape just like that."

Jason gawked at him. _Myers? Spoiled? Wise up, Kruger. That doll wasn't good news. If you didn't see that you're an idiot. In my opinion Myers just saved us about a week's worth of grief by losing that-_

From over in the nearby living room area, there came a clatter. Ghostface jumped up. "My phone? My beautiful sexy phone?" and he hurried over to the couch.

Freddy, Jason and Michael all rolled their eyes, thinking that it was nothing important but Ghostface suddenly let out a yell and fell to the ground with a thud. Then they all exchanged glances.

Michael nudged Jason in the ribs. _Go check it out, Voorhees._

Jason shook his head. _Why me? And Kruger don't you dare say-_

"Because you're the biggest and strongest and out of the three of us you've had the most coffee."

_What does that have to do with_

Michael glared at him and finished his fourth cup of coffee. _Just do it._

Jason sighed and got up. Michael and Freddy watched him with nervous eyes as he climbed over the couch and brought out his machete. Holding it above his head he moved around a few pillows and rolled his eyes. Ghostface was lying face down. Jason helped him up and the others frowned at the lack of suspense.

Beneath Ghostface there lied Michael's doll. "Hi," it said in that voice, "I'm Chuckie. Wanna play?"

Jason rolled his eyes. _What's wrong with you, fuck face?_

Ghostface opened his mouth to speak but only a wheezing sound came out. Freddy got up out of his seat and went over to him. "Hold on a sec..." and lifted up Ghostface's mask so that it revealed his throat.

I huge lump was in his throat and opened his mouth; the ring tone sounded out throughout the apartment. Michael groaned and motioned for him to close his mouth. _I've had just about all of that shit that I can handle._

Jason stared at Ghostface with wide eyes and held up a note; _Ghostface what the hell happened?_

He could only point to the doll and make horrid wheezing noises. Freddy shook his head, picked up the doll and threw it at Michael. The doll hit the cup of coffee that Michael had been drinking spilled it all over his lap. Michael let out a stifled scream and raced into the bathroom as the scalding coffee began burning his shin.

Freddy smiled and then went back to the table. "Hmm...Myers is gonna have to clean this up when he gets back...but as for you, fuck face. Seems like you just got reverted into a silent killer unless you can manage to chuck that phone back up. And blaming the doll? Seriously? Jeez fuck face...that's low."

Jason on the other hand wasn't so convinced that what Ghostface had said had been a lie. He glanced mysteriously at the doll but decided that he would deal with it when the time came...and the time would most definitely come.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Later that night when they were all eating pizza Freddy chuckled as he watched Ghostface just sit there and stare longingly at the slices. "What's wrong fuck face? Cat got your tongue."

Ghostface, who had taken to writing notes like the other two non-talking killers threw a note at Freddy; _No actually it's a phone, dip shit._

Freddy shrugged. "At least I can eat my pizza. I can't imagine what it would be like not be able to talk much less-"

The doll interrupted him once again. It had been just speaking randomly for the whole afternoon. "Hi. I'm Chuckie. Wanna play?"

Freddy angrily pounded his fists against the table, toppling over drinks. He pointed one of his clawed fingers at Michael. "Bitch I fucking swear...if you don't get that thing fixed or some-"

"Hi. I'm Chuckie. _Wanna play?"_

Michael put both of hands in the air. _It's not my fault. _

Jason stared at the doll oddly. _Then who's fault is it?_

The doll's head spun around in a full 360 and the look on his painted-on face became one of pure evil. _"Wanna play?"_

Ghostface suddenly perked up and tried very hard to speak, but no sound would come out. Looking around desperately he scribbled quickly onto a napkin, _I know where the doll's from! I know...I know...I know!_

"What is it?" Freddy asked, scooting his chair away from the table and readying himself to cut the doll in half. Ghostface slid a note into his clawed hand; _Child's Play._ The look on Freddy's face became one of pure fear and terror. "Oh shit...Myers get rid of that thing!"

Michael shrugged and clutched the doll to his chest, his eyes pleading. _He said that if I do that he'd kill me...I told you that he was starting to creep me out-_

Jason: _We didn't think that you meant that he was going to kill you, you idiot!_

Freddy stepped back from the table as the doll took on new life of its own, getting up on its feet and picking up Michael's knife. "Myers after this you are_ so _evicted!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

All four of the slashers quickly made it out of the apartment and left Chuckie in there to do his worst. Ghostface pounded the wall and grasped his throat. Jason looked alarmed.

_I think that he's gonna-_

Surely enough the phone came up again and Ghostface fell onto his knees, grasping his throat and taking huge, gasping breaths. "Oh...God that was _horrible!" _

Freddy angrily wheeled round and kicked him in the ribs. "You dumb fuck! Were you just unconscious for the past few minutes?! Michael's dumb ass doll just-"

Michael rounded on him and angrily threw a piece of paper at his face; _It wasn't ever my doll!_

"Oh yeah! Sure, Myers. You just hauled around for a day because it told you to...oh wait. That didn't come out right...damn..."

Jason sighed and sat down in the hallway. _This is so fucking stupid. Why don't we just in and kick his ass?_

Ghostface scoffed. "Oh yeah, Voorhees. That's a spectacular idea! Simply stupendous! Have you even ever seen _Child's Play? _Chuckie is a bad ass man!"

Freddy held up his hands, motioning for silence-or at least for everyone to stop scribbling notes, yelling and stabbing each other-and began to pace back and forth. "Okay. Now that we've established the fact that fuck face is scared of a _doll_, I think that we should-"

"Hey man. If you wanna take blows at me-"

Michael stifled a laugh then shoved a note at Ghostface. _No one wants to blow you._

Jason smiled and Freddy rolled his eyes. "If we are all finished?" the other three nodded, somewhat embarrassed. "Okay...now what we need to do is this-"

Jason couldn't help but interrupt. _Umm...excuse me?_

"What is is, you retarded hockey puck?"

_Why don't you go in and show Chuckie just how much of a bad ass you are, Kruger? I mean if you're so confident that he's nothing important... _He stopped writing right there, knowing that now that he had planted the idea in everyone's heads they would jump on it. And they did.

_Yeah, _Michael wrote, _why don't you go show him how tough you are?_

Ghostface laughed. "I'd like to see him try. If that doll scared Myers shitless, then imagine what it would do to poor little child molesting Frederick Kruger!"

Freddy didn't so much mind their doubt in him, but when Ghostface said those three words-child-molesting-Frederick, he just got plain pissed. "Fine! Fine!" he yelled, "I'll fucking do it, motherfuckers! God...if you're all just to much of a pussy to do it then fine! I'll do it...I'll go kill Chuckie..." his voice trailed off and he stood there for another second, staring at the door to number 1331Wimbleton Apartment. Jason stepped directly behind him and pressed a paper in his clawed hand.

_What are you waiting for, Frederick?_

"Nothing _Jason! _That really doesn't work the same way, does it?"

Jason shook his head and with a look of pleasure gleaming in his eyes, he kicked open the door, pushed Freddy inside and then gripped the knob so that he couldn't get out again.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

As the door closed and Freddy realized what had happened he gasped. But there was no way out now. Taking a deep breath he walked right up to the kitchen table where Chuckie was sitting, staring at him as if he were already dead.

"Uh...hi. Um...me and my friends-well they're not really my friends, I actually hate them-where wondering if you could please just get out-"

Chuckie laughed coldly. "Get out? Please, this is the sweetest gig I've had in years...no wife, no children, no worries. Now wise up and get your sorry ass out of _my _apartment before I make you."

Freddy nodded as if this were the answer to everything and turned to leave. And he might have made it to the door if his ego hadn't gotten the better of him; instead he whirled around and gave the doll a death stare. "What did you say to me, bitch?"

Chuckie smiled wickedly and pulled out the knife that he had stolen from Michael. "I said that you and your little queer ass friends can suck it!"

"That's not right!" Freddy growled as he took a step nearer Chuckie and clinked his metal fingers together, "It's not their fault that they're gay..."

"I should have shoved that phone down your throat instead of Ghostface's-do you ever stop talking?" the doll asked as he readied himself for a fight. Freddy shrugged.

"Not that I can remember. Anyways...why did I come here again?"

Chuckie smiled evilly and brandished his knife. Then, before poor Freddy could get an answer to his question, stabbed him in the chest...

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

On the outside of the apartment Ghostface, Jason and Michael all listened through the door. Ghostface swallowed and chuckled nervously. "So...I think that he's doing fine-" Freddy's scream echoed throughout the hallway. Jason and Michael winced as they heard his cries.

Michael: _If Kruger can't beat that doll then who's going in to drag his dead corpse out of there?_

Jason shrugged. _I'm not getting into that sort of stuff again. I learned my lesson last week._

Suddenly from the other side of the door there came a scratching noise and Freddy howled, "Let me out! _Please! _Have a heart man! Ah...shit!"

They all exchanged glances. "Should I?"

Jason shook his head and scribbled, _Don't you dare. That motherfucker has got to learn a __lesson-_

Michael looked regretful. _What lesson? If anyone's in the wrong, it's me! I kept the stupid doll-_

Ghostface flung the door open, pushed Michael inside and then shut it again. "And you're gonna be the one to get rid of it!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The room was empty, no one in sight. Michael rolled his eyes and got to his feet. He knew well enough that Ghostface wouldn't let him out any time soon. Slowly he began to make his way into the living room area and he heard someone stile a scream. Turning his head, Michael felt something hard hit his head, making him black out for a second and fall onto the unforgiving tiled kitchen floor.

Chuckie's evil laughter rang in his ears as he tried to regain his senses but he felt the cooking pan his his skull again and this time he didn't get up, just grasped at the cool tiles miserably.

Freddy just watched as Myers got the shit beat out of him by Chuckie. Then he got an idea...carefully and silently he ripped the knife that was protruding from his chest-Michael's knife-and put it up high on a place that Chuckie couldn't reach then crept up behind the doll.

Chuckie gasped as Freddy's claws ripped their way through his plastic torso. Dropping the pan to the ground he staggered back. Freddy laughed triumphantly and went over to the balcony door to dispose of the doll. In a few seconds, once the screaming had subsided, Ghostface and Jason were back in the room. Ghostface stepped out onto the balcony to watch Freddy chuck the doll off the edge as Jason helped Michael to his feet.

"So..." Ghostface said as he and Freddy watched the doll plummet into the alley below. "That's some pretty whacked shit, huh?"

Freddy sighed and nodded. "Yeah. But it's over now. Hey, fuck face?"

"Yep?"

"Remind me to kick Myers out of the apartment later. Maybe if one of us got evicted, then all of this might stop."

Ghostface just chuckled softly and Freddy turned to him. "What's so funny?"

He shrugged. "Oh nothing. It just seems like we're getting a taste of our own medicine now, aren't we?"

Freddy took off his hat for a second and scratched his bald head. "Well you can stick that medicine up your ass, fuck face. This ain't got nothing to do with all that. Jeez...what an oddling you are, Ghostface." and he turned and went back into the apartment.


	13. Episode 13Settling the Score

Episode 13-Settling the Score; Freddy vs. Jason II

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Oh my God! You are so fucking retarded, damn idiot!"

Jason glared at Freddy and threw a note at his face; _At least I don't have to have sex with little children to feel complete Kruger!_

Freddy glared at him and ran his clawed hand over the glass of the balcony door, just to annoy him. Jason flinched and Freddy managed to yell over the screech, "Yeah motherfucker? At least I don't have to _watch _teenagers getting it on just to satisfy myself!"

Ghostface and Michael watched the two from across the room, at the kitchen table. "Think we should...I dunno. Do something?"

Michael shook his head and handed him a note; _Hell no. They both had this coming at them...although I really don't recall what started this domestic squabble to begin with..._

Ghostface shrugged then yelled at Freddy, "Hey, how did this all start to begin with? Myers wants to know and quite frankly I've forgotten."

Jason: _It all started because Frederick-_

"You big lummox! Don't you fucking dare call me that!"

He shrugged. _Our dear Mr. Kruger has suddenly decided to damn near triple my rent! How the fuck and I supposed to pay that?_

Freddy himself crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. "Borrow money from your mommy-"

_I swear to God, if you say one more thing about my mother then you are going to die!_

"You already tried to kill me once, idiot. See how that worked for you?"

Michael and Ghostface sighed. "Something has to be done about this!" Ghostface whispered to Michael.

He didn't seem that concerned. _So what? What the fuck is it to us if they are PMSing just a little? I say let them kill each other._

And that's just what Jason tried to do as he picked Freddy up and launched him out of the glass door of the balcony. It shattered on spot and Freddy stumbled over the edge and fell down into the alley below.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

About two hours later, once Freddy had stopped at Taco Bell in San Antonio, ordered some tacos and ate them all he returned to the apartment looking livid and furious. But it wasn't Jason that he fumed at, it was Ghostface and Michael.

"Why the fuck didn't you stop him?"

Michael looked to Ghostface who bravely said, "You are a bitch to everyone else on a regular basis. Jason knows when to keep his big mouth shut. You apparently don't. Never once have you stopped talking ever since we moved in with you-"

"We?" Freddy growled. Ghostface jerked his head in Michael's direction. Freddy crossed his arms. "Oh really? You too Myers?"

Michael nodded and pushed an old piece of paper in his face. _Yep. You started to get to me around our first little misadventure...with Pinhead and all..._

Once Freddy had read the note he cut it into thin shreds with his clawed hands and let out a roar of frustration. "What the fuck do you want me to do about it, _Myers?" _he spat the name out like it was dirt. Michael didn't even flinch. Just seemed to smile under his mask, his eyes twinkling for a second.

_I don't like you Kruger._

"Well what a god damned surprise that the queer in the fucking apartment doesn't like me! I'm not here to make friends, Myers-"

_Well you could at least try. _Jason wrote, suddenly deciding to get in on the conversation. Freddy glared at him.

"Don't you get into this, god damned hockey puck. I can handle this on my own!"

Jason shrugged. _I know you can. That's why I'm not trying to help you, just get you evicted. _

Freddy's smile faded. "You can't get me evicted you retard! I'm the whole reason that this place is sane-"

"Really? What's 'sane' about it, Kruger? Jason always being in a rage, me always getting high, or Michael's ongoing battle with schizophrenia and his probable intermittent explosive disorder?"

Michael didn't do anything to argue against Ghostface, just glared at him. _I don't have that many problems, do I?_

Jason nodded. _Yeah. You're pretty much always PMSing Myers. Plus there was that time in the camping tent when you tried to rape me...but it's okay. You're still not as bad as Kruger._

Freddy rolled his eyes. "I'm not going. And you can't make me."

Everyone was silent for a moment, their hopes of evicting Freddy from the apartment gone. There was no way that they'd get him out if he was this much against the idea. But suddenly Ghostface let out a soft chuckle and shook his head slowly. Everyone glanced at him. "I can't believe that I didn't see it before..." Ghostface said, "We both have the same director Kruger! Of course I can't get you evicted...that's why Craven put us in the same apartment _together! _We're both pretty much-"

"Don't you fucking dare say what you're about to say!" Freddy warned him, but Ghostface did anyway.

"-brothers!"

The other slasher cringed at this possibility...until Michael suddenly got what Ghostface was saying then his glance slowly shifted to Jason, who stood there glowering down at Freddy. Ghostface turned his gaze in Michael's direction and they both shared a moment of understanding.

Freddy would get evicted. One way or another. If Ghostface couldn't do it, or Michael just didn't want to-and why should he have to?-there would be a way.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"This is gay. Why are you making me talk my problems out again?" Freddy asked as he sat down in the circle that Michael, Jason, himself and Ghostface had formed in the middle of the small living room area.

Ghostface smiled under his mask. "Because. How are we ever going to get anything solved if we just keep on fighting?"

Freddy shrugged glumly. "I don't know."

"The correct answer is that we're not Kruger. You know what just as well as I do. I've been reading some of Michael's psychology books and they all say that we should just talk about our feelings-"

Jason stifled a laugh. _No I'm with Kruger on this one. What are we? A house full of Carries or PMSing women or whatever?_

Michael glared at him. _I think it's a good idea...or worth a try at least._

Ghostface nodded and then with a clap of his hands said, "Okay...let's start. Okay...umm...Jason! Why don't you tell us who's pissing you off and why...that's how it's supposed to go, right Myers?"

Michael shrugged. _I never got much accomplished by therapy. In fact I never really payed any attention to what Doc Loomis was doing, just pictured myself skewering him with my knife. I think that it turned out well though..._

Jason hurriedly began scribbling down a long note. Freddy sighed. "God! I knew that he had trouble reading because he's so retarded but I thought that he was a good writer! Hurry the fuck up!"

Ghostface rolled his eyes and threw one of Michael's heavy psychology books at his head. Then calmly said, "Freddy if you wouldn't mind shutting the fucking hell up, asshole? That's the proper thing to say in therapy, right Myers?"

Once again, Michael shrugged. _It's what I would've said if I could still talk._

Finally Jason finished scribbling the note and gave it to Michael to read out loud but Ghostface snatched it. When Jason glared at him he just said, "Our dear Myers can't talk, okay? So how about we all just start passing our notes to the people who actually know how to talk or read, shall we?" then he glanced at the note and began reading, "Okay...let's see...oh, here we go! Okay...quoth Jason-'_My main problem in the whole fucked up house is that I'm living with a bunch of assholes who don't have any more sense than a broom and they all think that they can just boss me around because I can't talk. I hate my life so much that sometimes I just wish that I really could die. Freddy doesn't make it any better; he's just an overly glorified child molester and I'm sick of him thinking that he's God. He's a fucking douche bag. You hear that Kruger? DOUCHE BAG!!! Thank you.' _Well that's very good Jason. Freddy how do you retaliate?"

Freddy, who had been sitting there with his mouth agape in surprise came to his senses. "_What the fuck did that big stupid prick just say to me?_"

Michael rolled his eyes. _Yeah, I think that we're really getting somewhere..._

"Oh why don't you just shut you're smart little ass up, Myers?" Freddy yelled, now turning on him, "The problem here isn't me! It's all you sorry non-talking, too good for anything but yourselves killers...you and Voorhees! I'm fucking sick of this god damned shit! There are only two reasons that Voorhees is so bitter-"

_I fucking swear if you say-_

"-yeah, that's right! He's angry at the time I impersonated his mother and tricked him into doing my bidding! And Myers is just jealous because he can't talk! That's the only problem in this apartment."

When he had finished his speech, his chest was heaving and there was a mad gleam in his eyes. Surprisingly Michael didn't respond to Freddy's comments, just sat back with Ghostface and watched the show unfolding before them...Jason suddenly jumped from his chair and unsheathed his machete.

_You want another go, fucker?!_

Freddy jumped out of his chair as well. "Bitch! I swear if you ever throw another god damned note in my face I'll cut you up!"

Jason rolled his eyes. _Yeah that's a threat. I believe that you already tried that once-your adorable little fingernails didn't even hurt! What a pussy you are, Kruger!_

Freddy pounced on top of him just then, looking as deadly as a wild animal. "You bitch! I fucking swear..." and he elbowed Jason in the head then started slicing him in the ribs with his clawed hand. "What's wrong, motherfucker? Can't fight back?"

Jason didn't respond or write another note, just took Freddy by the arm and flung him on the floor then brought down his machete; Freddy blocked it with his claws and went to kick him in the nuts, but Jason caught his foot, picked him up and threw him to the other side of the room. Then, after taking a second to crack his neck, Jason went to the door of the apartment.

"Wait!" Ghostface called to him, "Where are you going?"

Jason didn't answer or even write a note, just slammed the door. Ghostface and Michael stared at each other as Freddy slowly rose to his feet. "I coulda took him if he played fair... I coulda won..."

Ghostface rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. We know Kruger. Trust us, we know."

"Where's that stupid bitch going?" Freddy asked as he got shakily to his feet and looked around the apartment as though trying to remember where he was. He felt a piece of paper being thrust into the palm of his hand.

Michael: _Where else does he have to go? Camp Crystal Lake, of course!_

Freddy's eyes lit up. "Then that's where we're going."

Ghostface hurriedly shook his head and stood in front of the door, blocking the only exit. "No way, Kruger! This therapy thing might not have gone as planned but-"

"As planned? What was planned?"

Ghostface looked shiftily to Michael who just stood there not daring to move a muscle. Finally he managed to stutter out, "Uh...well the thing about that is that...um..."

But Freddy wasn't even listening anymore, just grasping at the door know and trying to push Ghostface out the way. "Move you stupid mother..._move!"_

Michael shook his head. _He can't do that, Kruger. If you go after Voorhees..._suddenly he stopped writing and glanced at Ghostface very quickly then pushed him out the way. Immediately Freddy rushed out of the door. Michael glanced down at the only remaining killer. _Sorry but I had to do it._

"No you most definitely did not! God you are one psychotic idiot! Now Kruger's going to...fight Jason?"

Michael nodded. _Yeah. And what will happen when he goes to do this?_

Suddenly they both began jumping up and down in excitement. "Then Freddy will get his sorry burnt ass beat and we'll be the only ones left! Jason will want to stay at Camp Crystal Lake and that'll be that! That plan is just _delicious _Myers! Just like your ass..."

Michael's eyes became wide and questioning. _What?_

"Nothing! I just said that the plan is just...just great..."

_I know, isn't it? But shouldn't we you know...get going and try to find Jason before Kruger does? I don't know about you but I fully plan on witnessing the downfall of Freddy Kruger._

Ghostface shrugged. "I don't think so...can't we just hang out here...you know, just you and me?"

Michael backed away towards the door a little and reached for the knob. _Uh...no!_

"Sorry, too far?"

He nodded. _Yeah. Too far._

"Sorry. Just forget I said that."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The smell of the trees and water was the only thing that filled Jason's mind as he walked back through the old Camp Crystal Lake sign. Ahead of him looked the many old, abandoned cabins. Sighing, Jason took in the lovely too familiar air but stopped; had he heard something that sounded mysteriously like laughing?

Whirling around, Jason was just able to see Freddy's fist flying at his face before in hit him, producing a loud crack as his fist collided with Jason's hockey mask. Jason fell back into the dirt as Freddy cursed and gripped his gloved hand.

"Shit! Son of a...you and your damn hockey mask..._fuck! _That stings like a mother-"

Jason glared at him and suddenly whipped out his machete and slashed at Freddy's leg. As soon as it tore into his slacks and hacked through his flesh Freddy was down on one knee, trying to regain his footing.

Freddy tried to defend himself and as the machete was raised before him he cried, "Wait!" and Jason did indeed hesitate. "Don't you even want to know how I got here so fast?"

Jason didn't write a note but lowered his machete and stared at Freddy with a look of confusion in his eyes. Freddy smiled wickedly and jumped up, raised his clawed hand high in the air and then started slashing at him in any way that he could. As he did so he managed to call out, "Walking is slow...but taking the bus is fast motherfucker!"

Suddenly from the bushes near the camp sign Ghostface's loud, obnoxious voice called, "Okay, okay...just shut up...hey look! It's Freddy!" and his ghostly mask popped out of the brush. "Hi Freddy!"

"Well you seem awfully cheerful fuck face-"

The machete was swung at him but Freddy dodged it and jumped up and landed on top of Jason's shoulder and began stabbing him in the neck and kicking him at the same time.

Michael looked worried as Jason was brought to his knees. _What will happen if Jason actually loses? Freddy sure as hell won't want to go back to Elm Street. He would miss fucking with someone other than hormonal teenagers._

Ghostface shrugged and laughed, not caring much either way. "Voorhees is totally getting the shit beat out of him...isn't it funny that such a little guy like Freddy could-"

Without warning Jason had detached Freddy from him and threw him against a tree. Quickly retrieving his machete, Jason rushed over to where Freddy lay and rammed the blade into his chest, nailing him to the tree.

Freddy didn't stay like that for long though; in a few seconds he had pulled the machete out of his chest and thrust it into Jason's abdomen. Jason staggered back a few paces, his eyes wide and befuddled, then fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

Cautiously Ghostface and Michael got up from the bushes. With reluctance Ghostface made his way over to the corpse of Jason and glanced down at it. Instinctively Jason reached up and clasped his giant hand round Ghostface's throat, cutting off his air circulation. Ghostface struggled and trembled at Jason rose to his feet but Freddy and Michael ignored his cries of terror.

Freddy held his head up proudly. "See? I told you that I could do it if it was a fair fight!"

Michael rolled his eyes. _You only won because you snuck up on him...and I don't think that he appreciated that..._

Just as he finished writing his little note, Jason had dropped Ghostface and had proceeded to wrap his hands around Freddy's throat. "Oh shit!" he whispered as Jason began strangling him. Freddy jabbed his claws in Jason's arm, making hid grip lessen then swept them across his hockey mask. "Let me _go!_"

Ghostface worked up the breath to laugh and said, "You wanted a fair fight Kruger! So fight it!"

"B-but he's so..._big. _How can I beat him?"

Michael: _And I thought that Freddy wasn't a pussy...he can't even fight a silly old retard like Jason!_

"Shut your smart ass up, Myers!" Freddy hissed as he slashed at Jason and missed. Then suddenly Freddy remember something...something important..._water! _With a wicked smile plastered onto his face he began running towards the lake, the only place that Jason was truly afraid of in the entire world.

Jason seemed to know what was happening but didn't bolt on after Kruger. Instead he just walked there with a sort of slow calmness. Ghostface on the other hand ran after him. Michael was just as slow as Jason so they inevitably ended up walking close by.

Michael: _Long night, huh Voorhees?_

Jason shrugged. _I was sort of expecting it eventually._

_But when you win you won't be coming back to live with me and Ghostface, will you?_

He glared at Michael. _What would give you that idea, Myers? After I beat Freddy the place will be a lot quieter and well...in case you haven't noticed, Camp Crystal Lake isn't what it used to be...no one's been here for years except a creepy old hermit or two and this place doesn't exactly have wonderful memories._

Michael looked ahead, his eyes wide and astonished...their whole plan was absolutely useless.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Heeeeeey! Wait, Kruger! What are you doing?" Ghostface called as Freddy ran into the murky waters of Camp Crystal Lake. He glared at Ghostface.

"None of you fucking business! Now go away! You're ruining my plan!"

Ghostface sighed in exasperation and looked up at the dark night sky. "What plan, Kruger? I don't think that you should get in that water...didn't Jason rise from the dead in that water?"

"It doesn't matter! I'm winning this fight, bitch! Now get the fuck off my case!" Freddy yelled back at him as he waded out into the deeper end of the lake, so that the water was waist high. Ghostface put his hands on his hips and thought for a second...what was he gonna do now?

As Jason burst out of the bushes, Freddy waved his hands in the air trying to get his attention. "Hey! You big stupid retard! Why don't you come for a little swim?!"

Michael stared puzzled at the water. _What's with him? Didn't you rise from the dead in that water?_

Jason nodded. _Yeah but he knows that I have a little weakness towards the stuff...not a big one though considering that for the majority of my movies I actually lived at the bottom of the lake...then again every waking hour at that time was pretty much like hell for me...much like today. But there's also one little thing that Kruger doesn't know about._

_What?_

Before Jason could answer two rotting arms rose out of the water and took Freddy beneath the surface. Ghostface reeled back and fell into the mud that made up the lake's shore. Micahel just looked more confused than ever and Jason smiled under his hockey mask. Picture perfect.

"What the fucking hell was that...that _thing?_" Ghostface asked as he managed to haul himself out of the mud and muck. Jason glared down at him.

_My mother._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Ow! Fuck! Don't do that!" Freddy hissed as Ghostface tried to wrap yet another bandage around his tattered leg.

"Do you want it to get infected?"

Stubbornly, Freddy crossed his arms over his chest and didn't even look at the other slasher as he responded, "No."

"Good...then let me-" just as he managed to wrap the bandage once round his leg Freddy kicked him in the face. Ghostface staggered back, gripping his ghostly mask. "Ow! You asshole!"

Jason rolled his eyes. _Just let it go. If it gets infected I'll chop it._

"Hell no you won't! This is all you and your dumb ass mother-"

_Don't you fucking dare! _

Freddy sighed. "You know the only reason that you..."

Michael smiled under his mask. _Go ahead Kruger...say it._

"W-w...lost was because of your mommy."

Ghostface hauled himself onto the couch. "Boy you just can't bring yourself to say it, can you Kruger?"

He glared at Ghostface. "Say what, bitch?"

Jason: _Just say it. Say that you lost. _

"I didn't lose! I just didn't...win exactly...but I didn't lose." Freddy muttered as he looked crossly at his ripped up leg. "And for the record, you mother is a bitch. I mean that was just a lame ass move man! Seriously!"

Michael: _Why so serious?_

All of them were silent for a second then they all groaned. Michael sighed. _What did I do now?_

"Motherfucker! Now that's a lawsuit! God damn it Myers! Now we're all gonna get sued out of our asses." Ghostface said.

"Yeah well. That's all fine and all but what about _my _problem? God, fuck face. You're so selfish!"

_Well lawsuit or not I think that we learned a very important lesson today..._Jason wrote. Michael glanced at him.

_Which would be?_

_That you really shouldn't talk shit if you can't deliver._

"Oh please. I'll fight you any time of day and I'll still win!" Freddy insisted. Jason just shrugged.

_I think that we all know who the winner was here and that's enough for me._

"Yeah," Ghostface muttered under his breath, "the winner was your stupid ass mother..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Thanks for reading. I guess that there isn't much to say other than that I'm really trying to hurry up and put out all the episodes that I can before school starts again. Oh yeah, and something else you should know is this:

**intermittent explosive disorder **is officially defined- Road rage. Domestic abuse. Angry outbursts or temper tantrums that involve throwing or breaking objects. Sometimes such erratic eruptions can be caused by a condition known as intermittent explosive disorder. Intermittent explosive disorder is characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive, violent behavior in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation. People with intermittent explosive disorder may attack others and their possessions, causing bodily injury and property damage.

AND MY DEFINITION TO MAKE IT A LITTLE EASIER TO UNDERSTAND...A condition that is caused by drinking too much mountain dew and having a fit of uncontrollable rage because your mother says that you can't do what you want when you want-in Michael's case probably killing people-

Just in case you didn't know what it was because I had to Google it after watching _Halloween Resurrection. _But anyways...

[FYI] this definition was not found in Wikipedia for those of you who don't particularly like it-Wikipedia that is-I don't have a problem with it but I can understand how some other people have a problem with it.


	14. Episode 14This Is Your Brain On Drugs

Episode 14-This Is Your Brain On Drugs

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"He's at it again!" Freddy hissed as Ghostface staggered over to the couch and fell onto the cushions. Jason rolled his eyes.

_I'm so fucking sick of this shit!_

_Yeah, _Michael wrote, _whenever he's high like this he keeps insisting that I'm a chick._

Freddy shrugged. "You pretty much are one." and he flipped the T.V. Channel as Ghostface gripped the mouth part of his mask.

"Oh God...I feel sick 'gain." Ghostface muttered as his stomach did a proper back flip.

Jason sighed and rested his head in his hands. _I told you that you shouldn't just go swallowing acid just for fun!_

Ghostface watched him write the note then once Jason was done, he snatched it and read it upside down and scratched his head. Distractedly he began to turn the paper this way and that and laughed idiotically. "Ha ha ha...pretty colors...hey...psssst! Heeeeeey FREDDY?!"

"What?!"

Ghostface shoved the paper at him. "Look at all the pretty colors-"

"I sear to God that if you shove one more thing in my face claiming that it has 'pretty colors' I'll fucking butcher you stoned ass, I don't care how high you are!"

Michael: _I think that he's about to puke._

Jason: _Then how about you escort him to the bathroom? I don't want to have to spend the rest of the morning cleaning up vomit._

But Ghostface didn't need any help. In a few seconds he had jumped to his feet and tripped all the way into the bathroom. Freddy turned the T.V. Up as loud as it would go as the sounds of Ghostface puking echoed throughout the house. Freddy slammed the remote down and fumed.

"Aw come on man! What the fuck! I can't even hear _Brooke Knows Best-"_

Jason tried to take the remote away. _You shouldn't even be watching that dumb bimbo anyways...it's all about Keeping Up With the Kardashians..._

Michael shook his head. _Nu-uh. I'm a Daisy of Love guy._

Exasperatedly Freddy threw the remote at Jason's head, producing a loud cracking noise as it came in contact with his hockey mask. "It doesn't matter anyway! No one can hear the motherfucking hoes complain about how hard it is to be rich...and hot...and-"

_Careful Kruger, _Jason wrote, _you don't wanna get out of control, you know?_

He rolled his eyes disdainfully. "Yeah. Like you would know anything about that. Anyway, I'm just about sick of this whole fuck face thing. He's _always _high or drunk."

Michael: _I can understand why. Living with us can't be easy._

Freddy glared at him. "Wow Myers. That's the most pussy thing that I've ever heard. It's not us that's the problem, it's obviously him. And I got just the idea to fix him..."

Jason: _I don't like where this is going._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

ONCE THE EFFECTS OF THE ACID HAD WORN OFF...

"I don't see why you're doing this." Ghostface said as Jason forced him into one of the kitchen chairs. Freddy stood by the lit stove glaring down at him.

"Because fuck face. There's something that you need to see. Voorhees, pan if you please." Jason nodded and gave him a pan. "Okay..." Freddy muttered as he put the pan on the stove. "Now how does this go again?"

Michael, who stood next to a full carton of eggs, held up a roughly scribbled sign; _This is your brain-this is your brain on drugs._

"Oh yeah! Okay...now I remember. Myers, the egg please." Freddy said, holding out his clawed hand.

Michael nodded and gently tossed an egg at him; Freddy caught it with his clawed hand and the raw egg shattered as it hit the knives, spilling yolk all over his gloved hand. He reeled back and glared at him. "You did that on purpose!"

_No I didn't. I just assumed like you didn't catch like a girl is all-_

Jason interrupted, motioning to Ghostface who was now candidly puffing on a cigarette. _This isn't doing him much good. Myers give Kruger another egg._

Michael once again nodded but this time pressed the egg firmly into Freddy's hand. "Okay...now fuck face pay-oh shit!" as he turned to face the frying pan, he lost his balance on some of the egg yolk that had dripped from his fingers and he fell. Ghostface immediately doubled over in laughter.

"Oh you're right Kruger! I just simply _had _to see this! Oh God...this is priceless!"

Freddy cursed and fought to keep his balance as he tried to get up and scrape off the new egg yolk. Just as he went to lose his balance again, he reached for the leg of Michael's jumpsuit, bringing him down along with almost all the other eggs. Jason rolled his eyes.

_Can't anything ever be simple for you, Kruger?_

"I was trying to make it simple but Myers messed me up!" Freddy hissed as he finally managed to regain his footing. His shoes and all of his clothes were sticky with the egg yolk by the time he found a good egg and held it over the simmering pan.

"Fuck face are you paying attention?"

"Sure am, douche bag."

"Good." Freddy said, glowering down at him.

Ghostface nodded."Yep."

"Excellent."

"Yeah."

"Just stupendous-"

Jason banged his fists on the counter. _Freddy! Just do the egg thing!_

Freddy's eyes snapped back into the present and he nodded quickly. "Okay...this is your brain-" he held up the egg over the pan, "-and this is your brain on drugs." he cracked the egg and then let the yolk drain to the center of the pan and sizzle and crackle. Ghostface's eyes became filled with terror.

"Oh my God!"

Michael nodded, still trying to get some of the yolky, eggy mess out of his hair. _Astonishing isn't it? We worked for hours trying to get it right, let me tell ya._

Ghostface shook his head. "N-no! It's not that! Look what you're doing to that perfectly good pain, idiot!" he yelled, indicating the egg as its burned edges bonded onto the pan.

"It's a small price to pay for a silent episode of _Brooke Knows Best-"_

"Huh?" he asked, cocking his head slightly to the side. "Is that the only reason why you're trying to sober me up?"

Jason nodded. _Yeah. Isn't it just amazing at just how far Freddy will go to be even the tiniest bit selfish?_

Freddy nodded and said as he went to open the balcony door, "Yeah. My selflessness exceeds all normal expectations, let me tell you." Without much thought he tossed the pan over the edge of the balcony and heard it clatter to the ground in the alley far below.

Ghostface shook his head. "No. I'm not gonna stop getting fucked up just because you three show me a cooked egg. I mean that's got to be the dumbest propaganda campaign of the 80s! Don't do drugs, they kill...how terrifying! Fuck no!"

"Okay then...group huddle." and he grabbed Jason's and Michael's sleeves and hauled them into a circle around him. "What are we going to do? I have to watch the next episode and Ghostface is high _every single fucking night!"_

Jason shrugged. _I really couldn't care less. I'm pretty much dead inside anyway-_

Suddenly Freddy's head shot up and his eyes sparkled. "Okay...time for plan B..."

Michael gave him an odd look. _You have a plan B?_

"Hell yeah, bitch. My whole life has been my plan B..." and he said to Ghostface, "Heeeeey...fuck face?"

"What?"

"Would you mind-"

"Yes."

Freddy glared at him. "But you didn't even-"

Ghostface shook his head. "Nope. Trust me. I already know my answer."

Freddy cursed and turned back to Michael and Jason. _You really thought that would work? _Jason wrote, staring at him miraculously.

He shrugged. "Worth a try...now it's time for plan C...an it's going to involve Myers. You don't mind, do you Michael? If you do speak now or forever hold your peace..."

Michael shook his head and tried to write a note, but Freddy snatched up the paper and cut it with with his clawed hand. "No? Okay then...if the two of you don't mind, just let me do the talking."

"Hey fuck face-"

"I told you no."

"WOULD YOU PLEASE-"

"NO!"

They were both silent for a moment then Freddy tried again. "Okay. I'll cut you a deal, fucker. If you can survive a mere on week without puffing, eating, sniffing, drinking, or doing anything that will get you high, you can have crazy birthday sex with Myers here."

Ghostface perked up. "Huh? Just a week? But I mean...I'm not really gay-"

_Oh how cute, _Jason wrote, _denial. _

"-shut up, Voorhees. But I'm not really gay and the only way that I'll even consider having crazy birthday sex with him is if I'm high. Because when I'm high he looks like a really hot chick."

Michael glared at him. _Do not!_

Jason couldn't help but nod. _Uh yeah. You do. But it's okay, Myers. You're our little drag queen._

"Yeah! See? Just imagine how..." Freddy hesitated and looked like it killed him as he said, "...ya know? How sexy he'd look? No...maybe just add a blond wig? Yeah, I really can't see how that would happen, but I'll just let you decide. But you can't get high when you and him...you know. That'd defeat the whole purpose. But maybe if I'm feeling nice I'll let you get a little buzzed."

Ghostface looked from Freddy to Michael and clapped his hands together. "Fine. I'll do it Kruger. But when the time comes when I win I expect full participation from Myers."

_Real fucking great..._Michael thought dismally, _now I'm like a hired hooker._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

At dinner Ghostface finally showed the first sign of cracking. He watched the others chug down immeasurable amounts of alcohol and shuddered. Trying to get his mind off of it, he turned to Michael and said, "Hey it isn't gonna be awkward when I win or anything, is it Myers?"

_Well I never wanted in on this to begin with so yeah...I'll imagine it will be. Also very painful as I'm sure your very horny by now..._

Ghostface nodded. "Hell yeah. How long has it been since we put Pinhead in the cube?"

_Don't you mean since you've moved in? You stopped having sex when we moved in because there was no one to have sex with...right? _Jason wrote.

When Ghostface didn't answer Freddy choked on a piece of pizza that he had been eating. "Ew! You mean...Pinhead?"

"Nope." Ghostface said, taking a large bite of pizza, "Not telling."

Jason slapped his forehead. _Oh my God! You're queer!_

Michael shuttered and took a large sip of beer. _I can't believe this...I can't fucking believe-_

"Pssst! Hey Myers!" Ghostface whispered. Michael glared at him.

_What?_

He motioned to his can of beer. "Pass me some...please I'm dying here...if I lose then you won't have to get it up the ass."

_Okay, okay! I'll-_

"You will not. If you do I'll make sure that you never sleep for one night ever again." Freddy said as he glared at Michael. With a look of pain in his black eyes Michael lowered his head.

_Damn it!_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

That night was the longest in his entire life. For trying to conspire with Myers to cheat the deal, Freddy ensured that Ghostface didn't get one solid moment of sleep. Usually around 1 A.M. He had to step outside to puff on some weed but apparently this wasn't an option...

Then again, usually he didn't sleep because he was so fucked up. He just spent the nights on the balcony and did whatever he hand on hand...crack, crystal meth...speed...it didn't matter. Just so long as he was stoned/wasted. Either one would do.

At one point he couldn't take it anymore; he crawled over to where Freddy slept and hissed into his ear, "Hey man...I can't take this no more...I can't-"

"Fuck face?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Go to fucking bed you punk ass bitch."

"But I-"

"So help me..."

Ghostface sighed. "Fine, fine. Okay." and he went back to his sleeping place...but his eyes shifted to the bathroom...getting up he quietly began to make his way towards it. No one tried to stop him or slow him down, just let him pass.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy was awoken by the smell of smoke. His head shot up and he gasped. Reaching over he shook Jason awake and pointed to the bathroom. Motioning for him to be quiet he and Jason made their way slowly over to the bathroom door and kicked it in. Michael raised his head, his hair looking mussed and looked around wildly.

_Wh-what's wrong?_

Jason threw a pillow at him and succeeded and hitting in on the head. _Shut up! Just go back to sleep..._

In the bathroom Freddy was having a meltdown. "What the fuck man?! I thought you said that you would at least try to win! You said that you wouldn't get high you bitch!"

Ghostface laughed and put down the joint that he had been smoking. "I ain't getting high, motherfucker...I'm getting buzzed!"

Jason sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. _Is there even a such thing as 'buzzed' when you're smoking marijuana?_

"H-hey man...it ain't mary-wanna it's happy grass...it makes you happy!" Ghostface said defensively then he laughed as Michael stumbled into the already cramped bathroom. "Heeeeyy...Myers...wanna have crazy birthday sex?"

Michael's eyes became wide. _I thought you said that I looked like a girl when you are high-why would you wanna have sex when you know I'm a dude...usually when you're high you just call me 'what's your face'..._

"I ain't high, I'm buzzed!" Ghostface hissed. Jason rolled his eyes.

_What the fuck goes on in the apartment at night? Do you do this every night, fuck face?_

"Ha ha...duh."

Freddy cursed under his breath as he opened the cabinet under the sink and unveiled pounds upon pounds of illegal drugs...even a pot of magic mushrooms. "What the fuck is this? God damn it, we're criminals!"

Ghostface nodded quickly. "Incompetent criminals...ha that's a biiiiiiiiiig word..."

From outside there came a knock from the door in the kitchen and Freddy looked around... "Don't tell me-"

"San Antonio Police Department...open up..."

"Aw shit! Now we're discovered criminals! What the fuck are we gonna do?"

Jason shrugged. _Wing it. Hey-Myers! Stop that!_

Michael had plucked a mushroom from the pot and eaten it. His eyes went hazy and he scribbled down nearly illegibly, _Those tasted funny..._

"Voorhees would you please-"

_Yeah, yeah. I got it._

Freddy nodded, rushed out the bathroom and hurry out the door. The police officer glowered down at him. "Hello there sonny. Hell of a night, ain't it?"

"Uh yeah...hey you wouldn't be working for a Dr. Sam Loomis, would you?" Freddy said, tapping his claws impatiently on the wooden door. The officer shook his head.

"No I just-"

"Then we don't want whatever you're selling." and he tried to slam the door shut but the police man's foot jammed itself between the door, stopping it from closing.

"Hey now...we have warrants to search this place-"

"There are more of you?"

"Yes...right outside this here apartment complex-"

Freddy moaned and slapped his forehead. "Shit-" there was a loud banging from inside the apartment and Ghostface laughed highly, "-could you hold on for a sec?"

"No I don't have much time left sonny. I need to investigate the apartment. Now." and he tried to step in the door but Freddy blocked his way.

"Listen man," he whispered in to the officer as Jason carried Michael over his shoulder and onto the couch in the background, "you can't begin to imagine what I live with every day; they're so intolerable man!"

The officer tried to look past Freddy. "How many are there?"

"There used to me seven of us including me but three moved out...now it's just me and them...and don't give me that look. There isn't any freaky stuff going on in here...well at least there aren't any orgies or anything..."

This didn't diver the man's attention for long because in another second he was trying to push past Freddy. The toilets stopped flushing just as the officer stepped into the door. He nodded at Jason who was now calmly sprawled out on the couch with Ghostface and Michael sitting next to him-or in Michael's case more laying crookedly. Jason nodded back and flipped on the T.V. As the police officer went into the bathroom and searched, Freddy jumped over the couch and jointed Jason.

"How the hell did you do it?"

Jason motioned tiredly to Michael. _We aren't out of the woods yet. If the officer so much as casts a second glance at Myers he'll see that something isn't right._

"But he won't look...I just know it..."

_How can you be so sure?_

"Because hokey puck, he said that he was running short on time and if it doesn't look like we have any weed then we're in the clear-"

Just then the officer came out of the bathroom and shrugged. "Smells like smoke but since there was no concrete evidence, I can't take any of you in. Night boys. Safe sex."

Ghostface laughed and Jason covered his mouth as the policeman went out the door. "That was fun!" Ghostface cried once they were all alone again, "Let's do it...next Monday."

Jason: _It's Wednesday._

"Then next Friday!" and with that Ghostface passed out. Michael on the other hand just perked his head up and motioned to the ceiling.

_Look at all the flashy colors. They're funnah!_

Jason pointed to the place in the note where the word 'funnah' was written. _You misspelled funny. _

Michael stifled a laugh. _No I didn't...your weird._

Freddy rolled his eyes. "I can't believe this fucking shit. What are we gonna do now Voorhees?

Jason shrugged. _Go to Taco Bell and get some Chalupas while they have crazy birthday sex?_

"You'd think that they'd actually do that? I mean Ghostface said that he had to be high..." but one look at Ghostface told him that it would be okay and so he and Jason hurried out of the apartment...after all, who cared if they just snuck out for one or two hours-or the rest of the night-to get some tacos while Ghostface raped Michael? The only problem would come in the morning...yep. Things were pretty much just peachy.

"You know the only problem?" Freddy asked Jason as they walked down the stairs that led to the dingy lobby. Jason shrugged.

_What?_

"That I still won't get to watch my show in peace but who gives a fuck? If having sex with Myers doesn't snap him out of it nothing will."

_Sounds like Ghostface's personal problem to me._

Freddy smiled. "That's exactly what I was thinking, hokey puck."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

And everything is peachy indeed. If you haven't seen the 80s 'This is Your Brain on Drugs Commercial' with the frying egg then you should search for it on Youtube. It should really make you think...if it doesn't then you're beyond the point of mental restoration anyway and that's that lol. JUST JOKING but you should see it. It's probably the best don't do drugs commercial I've ever seen. In fact it's the only reason that I don't do drugs today...screw the moral values that my parents tried so hard to pound into my skull all these years, it's just about that commercial...and the fact that I don't exactly have any access to drugs...


	15. Episdoe 15Turn on, tune in and drop out

Episode 15-Turn on, tune in and drop out

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael shuddered and hugged his knees to his chest. _This blows._

Next to him Ghostface sighed. "Not as much as you do...and don't act like you didn't like it at the time-"

"Hey I've got and idea?" they both stared at Freddy.

"What?"

"Well how about you both just shut the living fuck up. Me and Voorhees don't want to hear about how you raped Myers, we just want to-"

"I didn't _rape _him! He wanted it!" Ghostface said defensively.

Jason rolled his eyes. _I'm surprised you both even remember doing it...you were both so high at the time. Which must mean that you would've had to do it more that once to remember doing it at all..._

Michael looked a little puzzled. _Slow down man...you're blowing my mind. Besides I didn't even want to do it the first time._

"Yeah," Ghostface said, "but it's not as though it matters...in the 60s free love was a common practice-"

"Then why the fuck did the 60s end I wonder?" Freddy said mockingly, "Why the fuck did the hippies go outta style? Maybe it was because they all died of STD s!"

"Ha ha hardy har har that's funny Kruger. You can tease me and Michael all you want-"

Michael: _Don't use our names in the same sentences fuck face._

"-SHUT UP MYERS, I'm trying to make a point...yeah you can clown us all you want but you know that you've screwed around with other guys before."

Freddy shook his head. "I can honestly say that I haven't and we should really stop talking about it now..."

"I know who it was!" Ghostface exclaimed. Michael glanced at him.

_Who?_

"Voorhees!"

"Okay and now we're ending the conversation..."

Michael: _It's Voorhees isn't it?_

Jason shook his head. _Fuck no._

Ghostface leaned close to Michael and whispered, "See? He said fuck-"

Michael recoiled somewhat. _Don't get within twenty feet of me._

"Fine! I don't like you anyway! Asshole..." Ghostface muttered as he crossed his arms and stared at the blank T.V. Screen. "Hey why isn't anything on?"

Freddy shrugged. "I can't hear over you and Myers' obsessive flirting. It's disgusting."

Jason nodded. _Yeah it should really stop. We should have never gone to Taco Bell and left them alone..._

"Well then can we listen to some of my old Beatles records if you're not going to watch T.V.?" Ghostface asked, perking up a little.

"Don't see why not. If it's the only thing that will shut your cock-sucking mouth up-"

"Good! Be right back!"

And in a few seconds Ghostface was back carrying armfuls of CDs and a stereo. Under his mask Michael raised his eyebrows. _When did you get that stereo?_

Jason looked equally amazed. _Yeah and how have you been keeping it a secret? The apartment is only two rooms-bathroom and living room/kitchen._

"Boy you guys sure aren't all that observant-I've been keeping it in the cabinet under the bathroom sink. Jeez..." Ghostface muttered as he plugged in the stereo and picked a CD; the case had a yellowish thing on it and written on the front of it were the words _The Beatles Yellow Submarine_.

"But I thought that's where you kept your drug stash." Freddy said as he picked up as CD case and read it. "And besides that, who even listens to CDs anymore?"

"I do...and I listen to these whenever I take acid...it pretty much ensures a good trip."

The mellow music began to play and it echoed throughout the apartment; from _Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds _to _Yellow Submarine..._it was all very mesmerizing...so mesmerizing that within about 10 minutes Freddy was out cold, sleeping like he'd never slept before. And so the Beatles weave their web of magic wonders yet again...

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Hey Myers...get your foot out my face!"

_Get off of me then!_

"I can't! Voorhees is on top of me! Voorhees...you gotta move-"

Freddy shifted in his sleep and opened his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Michael glared up at him, the collected weight of four serial killers pressing down on him. _Well what the hell do you think? Fuck face's stupid Beatles CDs put us to sleep!_

Freddy got to his feet, looked around and scratched his bald head. Suddenly one man, a young man with long hair, no shirt, filthy pants and flowers in his hair came up to him and handed him a daisy. Freddy recoiled as the man smiled and said, "Love to you my brother."

"Who the fu-"

Ghostface yanked on his sleeve, forcing him away from the young man. "Don't talk Kruger...don't you know what this place is?" he asked as he guided the others down the street and looked around. They all looked clueless.

Jason: _No. We can't say that we do._

Exasperatedly Ghostface slapped his forehead. "That was a hippie!" when they still looked clueless he spread his arms wide, as if trying to hug the air, "Guys we're not in San Antionio anymore-we're in Haight-Ashbury..."

Michael looked even more confused. _Hey-ass Berry what?_

"Haight-Ashbury...you know? The place where hippiedom was born? In 1967 I'd expect-"

"We're _what?!"_

Jason groaned. _But my mother always said that hippies were dope-smoking cat eaters that smelled bad-_

Ghostface shook his head. "Some were clean but for the most part...yes. They smelled. They smelled very bad. But now we have to smell bad to. I expect all we need to blend in is a few flowers, a loss of shirts, and some psychedelic paint colors..."

Freddy stared at him. "What? Why the fuck do we-"

"Don't say that word...hippies don't curse...usually..."

"Well fine...why the _frick _do we have to change? What could possibly go wrong?"

Next to them two young hippies were now pestering Jason and Michael to take some LSD from them. Ghostface ignored Freddy's question and jumped on the deal. "How much?"

The female hippie smiled and said, "It's free dude. There's plenty enough to go around, so why keep it all? Besides you and your friends here look like some pretty groovy cats...you dig?"

Her male companion nodded. "Yeah and besides; how groovy does it feel to go against the man? All those conformists and pigs need to be taught a lesson."

Ghostface smiled under his mask. "I like how you think brother-I'll take it."

The girl kindly handed over the little tabs of acid and grabbed the boy's hand. "Much love brother."

"And peace to you!" Ghostface called as they walked away. "Hmm...perhaps I could get used to this place..."

Jason shook his head and smacked him right in the mouth. _FUCK NO YOU WILL NOT!_

Ghostface whimpered and shook his head. "Language...please Jason-"

_Take us back now!_

"I can't-I expect that the only way to get back would be to play the Yellow Submarine album again but first we have to find it...and before we do that we have to learn to blend in."

Michael sighed. _How do we do that? I'm sure that it will involve taking our shirts off and painting our masks psychedelic._

Freddy shook his head. "I ain't doing it."

Ghostface glared at him. "You have to...don't you get it? No slasher movies-or at least none of ours-have even been made yet! Myers was the first to be made out of all of us and annoyingly enough the youngest...he doesn't come along till 1978!"

Jason shrugged. _So what? What does that have to do with-_

Michael rolled his eyes. _Haven't you ever seen Back to the Future? If someone sees us now and recognizes later in the movies and says 'Hey Michael Myers is real, I met him up in Haight' it will destroy the future as we know it!_

Freddy scoffed. "Dramatic much. But I'm burnt all over...how do we hide that?"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It was horrible. They were all shirtless, shoe less and their faces-or masks in most cases-were covered with flowers painted in all sorts of colors and flowers covered every available inch of their exposed bodies. "Okay." Freddy hissed as he glared at Ghostface, "Now what genius?"

"We look for the Beatles Yellow Submar-oh shit! I forgot!"

Jason groaned. _What now?_

"The Yellow Submarine soundtrack isn't released until 1999!"

Michael: _Yeah...so? That'll just make it easier to find, won't it?_

Sadly Ghostface shook his head. "No. I'm afraid it will only make it harder. No one can get a hold of that soundtrack-no one! Just imagine if some poor hippie were to find that album and then what? What would the Beatles do? It might even erase them from time...who knows! Then there will be no Charles Manson...nothing."

All around them hippies preached and nodded and exchanged drugs...supreme madness...Freddy was beginning to get a headache. "How the fuck do we get it back?"

"We'll spit up-Jason you go east, Freddy go west and Michael and me will go every other way possible..."

Michael was quick to protest. _No, no, no. A thousand times no. But maybe we should stay in pairs...the 60s were confusing and really hot times...I mean with all those bra less hippie chicks-_

Jason smiled under his mask. _Careful Myers. Getting a little stiff there._

_Why are you looking?_

"Okay! We get it! Jason as a hard on for Myers and so does fuck face...god Myers...the ladies man huh? ANYWAY...maybe me and fuck face should go one way and you two non-talkers the other. Agreed?"

They all nodded even though Ghostface seemed sulky about this.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy sighed. Him and Ghostface had been searching for two hours and still came up with nothing. He sat down on a curb and rubbed his bare, tired and filthy feet. "What happens if we can't find it? How will we even play it? The 60s still had black and white T. V.s for God's sake! We can't just go out and buy a boom...box..." he was surprised to find that Ghostface was doubled over in laughter. He glared at him. "What's so funny?"

"It...it's just that you are totally _conformed man! _You need to chill out. We're in the 60s for God's sake! We should just-"

Suddenly a rather short man, probably only about five foot two with shoulder-length, brown, sort of curly but mostly messy hair and a stubbly face. He was a little guy, so little that under normal circumstances Freddy would have ignored him completely if the wasn't carrying a brightly colored case with the words _The Beatles Yellow Submarine _printed on it.

Freddy pointed to the guy and asked miraculously, "Who is that kid...he seems so familiar-"

Ghostface was solemn as he got to his feet and said, "That is Charles Manson...he just got here I expect. You know ol' Charlie, right Kruger? In just two years he'll have gathered up a group of misfits who worship the ground he walks on and will coach them through two nights of what might be the most grisly murders in the annals of American history-the LaBiancas and Sharon Tate among an estimated thirty something other victims or more, many unidentified. Sharon Tate will be eight months pregnant when his Family members kill her-"

"Fuck face that's real kick ass but he's getting away...come on!" and Freddy jumped to his feet and bolted after Charles Mason.

Once he caught up to Charles he jumped in front of him, his arms spread, attempting to block the boy's path. Charles stared at them quizzically. "Are you-"

"Shut up! You can't talk! You're gonna be a murderer! Now give me-" he yanked the CD out of Manson's grip, "-the CD. Thanks! See you in a decade or so when you're trying to get parole-bye!" and without another word Freddy hurried off, leaving Ghostface in the dust.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael sighed and scratched his head. _Now what? We haven't found it anywhere and as soon as Kruger finds it he'll probably leave us behind-_

Jason shook his head. _Nope. Ghostface will make sure that Kruger sticks around just so he can save you, his perfect little girlfriend...or boyfriend. _

_Yeah, _Michael wrote, rolling his eyes, _ha ha. Funny. But come on, we should keep-hey what's that?_

A loud rabble was coming from a nearby street corner. Young people with flowers in their hair and in the girls' case no bras were all joining hands and raising a ruckus. Yeah that's right, a ruckus. Jason looked and shrugged. _Hippie protesters. I dunno...fuck face would probably know, though._

A rather young male hippie no older than 19 smiled at them and waved them over. "Welcome my brothers. Do you wish to-"

_No. _Jason wrote and shoved the note in the boy's face before grabbing Michael's wrist and leading them quickly away. Michael stared at him oddly.

_Uh...Voorhees._

_What you idiot?_

He swallowed. _You're touching my hand._

Jason glared at him. _It's not your hand you god damned...it's your wrist. And we had to get outta there. I don't like this place. It's not right...people wandering around the street offering to give you free food and drugs...who does that?_

Michael shrugged. _The hippies did-or in our case do. _

Before Jason could come up with a response Freddy had cut in, brandishing the CD in his face. "See? While you and Myers were wasting time doing the Dew we were off-"

Jason: _Doing the Dew? Is that some cleaver way of alluding to the possible idea that we had-_

Ghostface laughed and slapped his shoulder, as if he had said a joke. "Oh Voorhees...you're on your way...now that we've found the CD we can get home...and you can stop holding Myers' hand now."

_I wasn't holding it, I was-_

"Yeah, yeah. We'll have enough time for that once we get home! Now...we just have to find a stereo and-"

"Already done!" Ghostface exclaimed as he held up the stereo up over his head. Freddy scoffed.

"Where the fuck did you find that thing?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I just did. Now if we can kindly stop questioning the plot and get on with it...look I've got batteries in my pocket." and he jammed the batteries into the thing and then let the Beatles weave their magic, putting them into a deep sleep...once again.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy dared to open his eyes; it still wasn't home. In fact, it was the exact opposite of home. "Ah shit...we're not home. Fuck face!"

"Huh...what's wrong?"

He rolled his eyes and got to his dirty feet and looked around. Hippies of all kinds were sitting on the green grass, spread out on towels and in some cases sitting on top of psychedelic painted Volkswagen. Ghostface perked up.

"We're in the first Woodstock I do believe..."

Jason scratched his head. _What's the date?_

"The Woodstock Music and Art Festival was held from August 15-18 in 1969." he recited, getting to his feet and searching his pockets for the Yellow Submarine album. He cursed but picked up the stereo and held it against his chest protectively. "Can you believe that just on August 9 Charles Manson slaughtered Sharon Tate?"

Michael sighed. _No I can't. And something else I can't believe that you're still trying to stick that useless 1960s trivia stuff in our heads! Nothing interesting happened in the 60s and just because we're here-well...we can't make it interesting._

"Yeah well then can you believe that a year ago-April 4, 1968 in Memphis Tennessee-Martin Luther King Jr. was-"

Jason glared at him. _We don't want to hear it! We just want to get home! Where's the album?_

Ghostface chuckled and hesitated. "Wellllllll...funny story..."

"If you lost it I swear to God..."

He shook his head quickly. "No...I just don't know it's exact location...exactly."

Michael: _Oh really? How the fuck are we gonna find it in all this mess?_

"Simple!" Ghostface said, still clutching the stereo close to him, "Just look in the right place. I think that we should all spilt up this time...after all, there's a lot of other people here to screw around with-"

Freddy clinked his clawed fingers together. "Nope. No fucking way. You can't just go around screwing people...we don't want any _unexpected surprises _when we get back to the apartment. For now we'll just have to keep our eyes and ears open. Simple as that."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Just as a loud, notorious African American man wearing a feathered boa and sporting an afro stepped out on the far away stage and began to sing _Purple Haze _Freddy began searching everywhere for the album. He couldn't help but stop and stare at the singer, though.

For some reason the music and performance just mellowed him out...God he could play. Backwards and even with his teeth. Amazing. A young hippie saw him staring and tapped his shoulder. This hippie wore a pain vest and had long, at least waist length hair and bell bottoms with small, rounded glasses tinted purplish.

"Hey man...how's it goin'?"

Freddy shrugged. "Dunno. Okay I guess."

The boy puffed on a joint and let out a subtle cough and pounded his chest with his fist. "Ah yeah man...ain't nothin' like it, you dig? But you know who that man is...up on the stage man?"

He shook his head. "Nu-uh."

The hippie boy leaned closer, his breath smelling of smoke. "That's the Hendrix man! Totally groovy, huh?"

Freddy backed away and stared at him. "You mean Jimmi Hendrix?"

The hippie nodded and then burst into random boughs of coughing. Freddy glared at him skeptically and took the joint, puffed it once and then threw it in the grass. "Hey man what's the-"

"Trust me. You don't wanna be doing that shit. Now I gotta go...I'm looking for something."

Now the hippie ignored the loss of his joint-that sounds rather odd, doesn't it?-and perked up. "Ah yeeeeeeah man!" and he leaned closer again just as he reached over to another hippie's marijuana, snatched it and put it in his pocket. "We're all searchin' for somethin'! Sometimes we just can't find it but when we do..." he slapped Freddy's shoulder and his eyes got wide with wonder, "BAM!"

Freddy stared at him, utterly confused. "Bam?"

The hippie boy nodded and rolled a joint then started smoking it. "Yeah man...bam!" and he breathed out a thick line of smoke.

"Wow. You're _really _high right now, aren't you?" he asked and without thinking the hippie nodded. Freddy sighed. "Well listen. I gotta go find my fri-roommates." the hippie nodded but didn't make any motion to leave him be. Freddy cleared his throat. "Uh...you wanna come along?"

He laughed. "Ha! Heck yeah-"

"Then come on. We gotta find fuck fa-_Ghostface" _and Freddy pushed forward as he walked past all manner of hippies.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface laughed highly and joined hands with some other hippies and began swaying back and forth on the roof of a psychedelic colored van singing the words to _Purple Haze..._

"Purple haze all in my eyes-" stoned laughter, "-uhh...don't know if it's day or night! You got me blowin', blowin' my mind." then they all sang together, "Is it tomorrow or just the end of time?!"

Ghostface doubled over in laughter as he took a joint from a passing hippie, puffed on it and then handed it back to him. Coughing out smoke he wheezed, "T-thanks man."

Freddy was livid when he spotted him, being all 'kum ba yah' with the hippies. Immediately he jumped up on top of the hippie van that Ghostface was dancing on top of and pulled him down. The hippie boy followed him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Heeeey man. Chill out." the hippie boy said as he found yet another joint to puff on.

Ghostface shrugged and giggled. "Ha! You're funny! I like you..."

"Ah shit...he's stoned..." without knowing what else to do Freddy slapped him across his face. Ghostface recoiled and gripped his psychedelic painted mask.

"Hey maaaaaan...what's your beef?"

"What's my what? Look idiot...we gotta find Jason and Michael. The more time I spend here the more it sort of hypnotizes me."

Ghostface's mind seemed to snap back to the present. "Jason...Michael...oh yeah! I remember him from that time I-"

Freddy nodded and helped him to his feet. "Yeah. Let's not relive that, shall we? Now come on, let's go find them." and they all hopped off the van.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It turned out that Michael was already being searched for by Jason. He found his companion sitting in a circle with some other hippies, the beginnings of some sort of orgy. Jason glared at him and yanked Michael out of the circle.

_What the fuck are you doing?_

Michael just had a dreamy look in his eyes as he pulled out tabs upon tabs of LSD from his pocket and pushed them at Jason. _Man...they make you see stuff...get away! _Quite suddenly he lashed out at Jason, his limbs waving about..._you look just like my sister that I killed when I was little...God I thought that I killed you...what are you doing here Judith?_

Jason sighed and rolled his eyes. Trying not to make it obvious-at the real Woodstock there were absolutely no acts of violence reported; no muggings, stabbings or rapes and _everyone _was high-he smacked Michael right in the head. The other hippies were too immersed in their orgy to see anything. They didn't even pay attention as Jason draped Michael over his broad shoulders and walked away.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason caught up with Freddy and Ghostface just as they were about to give in, stop looking and just remain a part of the 1960s forever. Freddy looked somewhat angry when he showed up, as if something precious had been snatched away from him.

"What the fuck's up, hockey puck? Found Myers?"

Jason nodded and let Michael's still unconscious body fall onto the ground. Digging in his pocket he brought out the Yellow Submarine album. _Yeah. And I found the CD._

The hippie stared at it miraculously. Of course CDs hadn't been invented yet, so all he could think to do was unglue the joint from his mouth and pull his hair back from his eyes. "Whoa man! What's that?" just as he reached out his hand to touch it Freddy snatched it from his grasp.

Freddy shook his head firmly and took the CD out of its case and gently put it in the stereo that he had been hauling around. "Sorry...what did you say your name was again?"

The hippie boy shrugged. "Curtis." they all stared at him. Ghostface let out an obnoxious burst of laughter.

"What? What kind of hippie is named _Curtis?_"

He shrugged as the music began paying, drowning out the now continuous hum of the Grateful Dead as they began playing. Curtis looked mesmerized and his eyes began to get heavy. Freddy sighed. "Sorry Curtis...it's for you're own good..." and he took the boy's joint and slapped it out of his hand. Curtis jumped and glanced down at the joint, now unlit and smothered in the grass.

Just before they were blasted back to the sleepy future Freddy heard the young hippie exclaim, "Hey man! What's the deal...that ain't groovy you dig? I didn't think that you was one of them sick cats like that..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy gasped. "What...what just happened?"

Ghostface chuckled softly. "I think that you just had a revelation Mr. Kruger. Tell me, what have you learned today?"

Jason rubbed his head. _All I got was a headache...but we're back home._

Michael seemed annoyed by this and heaved a huge sigh. _Unfortunately. I was just about to get fucked by, like, at least a dozen hippie chicks before you came along Voorhees!_

"Well I'm just thankful that we're home." Freddy said as he reached for the remote and switched on the T.V. "Now things will be exactly how they're supposed to be-all T.V. And no history of any kind or Beatles music. Jason would you please?"

Jason jumped to his feet, picked up the stereo and nodded. _You don't have to ask me twice. _Even though Ghostface tackled him and raised hell, the stereo was still chucked over the edge of the balcony. And that was the end of that.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

If you thought that this episode was a little-dare I say it?-boring I'm sorry. I can understand if you don't really know a lot about the 60s and don't desire to, but I absolutely love everything hippie. So I'm sorry. But for future reference, there won't be any more time traveling shenanigans so from now on you'll actually know what is going on...or at least I hope so. :)


	16. Episode 16The Official Return of Pinhead

Episode 16-The Official Return of Pinhead

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy let out a huge, obnoxious yawn and stretched. "What time is it?"

Ghostface shifted on his sleeping place on the floor and shrugged. "Dunno...probably sometime in 2009 I'd expect."

"Shut up..."

"Well it's true-"

Jason glared at them both. _You'd both better shut up. I'm still sleeping._

"Then why are your eyes open?" Freddy asked him slyly. Ghostface laughed and pointed at Jason.

"Ooh...epic fail."

_Shut up._

"Why is it that we've just woken up and already two people have told me to shut up? I can't be that intolerable, can I?"

Now Michael shifted on his place on the floor and sighed. _The bigger question is why we've all got morning wood._

"Yeah. A house full of dudes and we all have morning wood." Freddy muttered and sat up on the couch. He was just about to turn on the T.V. When a scent caught him off guard...he cringed and held his nose. "What the fuck is that smell?"

Jason: _I told you that showers were good for you Kruger but you didn't believe me-_

Freddy sneered at him. "No not that! And for the record I do take showers...it's just a bad smell..."

Michael: _It's probably our clothes. We haven't washed them since before we got here...lord knows if Ghostface even knows how to wash clothes._

Ghostface was disgusted by the mere thought of it. "Hell no. That's woman's work!"

"Well I know that I don't know how to wash clothes. And I say that just because of that little comment fuck face will wash the clothes. So here-" he took of his Christmas sweater and threw it at Ghostface, "-go wash them."

Ghostface looked around and saw that yet again it was up to him to pick up everyone else's slack. Heaving a huge sigh he got to his feet and collected everyone's dirty clothes.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Son of a motherfucking bitch...I don't even know where the washroom is..." he muttered as he stumbled down the stairs. Of course the elevator was broken, so Ghostface was left to just trip down the stairs, nearly breaking his neck. But eventually he found the washroom tucked away in the lowest level of the building.

"Huh...wonder how no one's noticed it before." Ghostface asked as he dumped the clothes in the washer. But something clung to his black shirt. As he tried to get it to detach from the material, it just ripped a huge gash in his shirt. "Shit! What the fuck..."

It was a cube that seemed oddly familiar...it clung to his black shirt with little hooks. Ghostface sighed and ripped it off the his shirt, making it nothing but a mess of black fabric. He sighed. "Well I guess I don't need to wash this any more." and he threw the tattered shirt on the ground and stared at the cube.

There was something just...mesmerizing about it...he swallowed and began to twist the cube in different ways much like a Rubik's cube. Finally when he could twist it no more he shook it then in frustration flung it against the washer. "God damn it...can't even solve a stupid Rubik's cube...if only I was Asian..."

And he thought that it was over, he had completely ruined it but in a few seconds hooks shot out of the cube. Ghostface gasped and jumped on top of the sputtering washer and covered his head as the whole room went red for a second.

It was Pinhead who first stepped out of the gathering mist. His black eyes surveyed the room and finally fell on Ghostface. Rolling his eyes he reached over and put his pale hand round his neck. "Where is he?"

As the only remaining Cenobites, Butterball and the Chatterer stepped out of the mist Ghostface shrugged. "I...I don't know...I was just washing my clothes and I-"

Pinhead glared at him and with a quick flick of his hand a chain came out of nowhere and lodged itself into Ghostface's back. Leaning very close to him, Pinhead whispered in his deadly voice, "Do...not...lie...to me."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Yeah but that's not the point. Simon is _totally _better than Paula just because of the fact that he does his job while Paula's off in never land and getting high off of her own hairspray."

Jason shrugged. _She's still better. I-_

There was a knock on the door. Michael sighed and got up. _I'll get it...I wouldn't dream of interrupting your little debate._

"Yeah, yeah. Don't come back neither." Freddy said and then he turned back to Jason. "Okay. I see your point but it's just crap...I mean honesty Simon is the show."

_What about Seacrest?_

Freddy laughed at this. "Ryan Seacrest? The leprechaun from God knows where? He doesn't even-"

"Well I think that Paula is definitely the better judge if you ask me." Pinhead said as he stepped boldly into the room towing behind him Ghostface and Michael. He jerked his head in their direction, "These two certainly have gotten out of shape. And I regret to inform you that Ghostface's mouth isn't any tighter than it was before, in fact it almost seems looser."

Freddy jumped to his feet. "What are you doing here? Who let you out-"

"Who let me out of my prison? My hell? It may surprise you-even disappoint you-to discover that it was Ghostface. He is quite handy with puzzles apparently. Unlike you...tell me Kruger, what have you been up to lately while me and my friends were confined in hell?"

Behind him the Chatterer and Butterball stepped in, both looking deadlier than usual. Jason glared at them. _What's it to you? Why don't you just get out of here now while you still can?_

Pinhead laughed, his deep voice ringing out throughout the apartment. "Ah ha...you are all fools. And soon you shall be fools without a home. Observe." he held up the cube and pushed Ghostface and Michael out of his way. Caressing the cube a little, he then turned it and with a few electric charges and a little wind about a hundred more slashers popped out of the cube, all looking around with confused looks on their faces.

As Jason's mother popped her little head out of the crowd Jason seemed to redden and he tried to conceal his hockey mask clad face. Pinhead smiled. "Well. Looks like the whole party's arrived. Gentlemen...and the few ladies...please _make yourselves at home._"

And with those words the slashers-not including Freddy, Ghostface, Michael and Jason of course-started pushing over tables, raiding the fridge and just tearing up the place. Freddy glared at Pinhead. "So what? Your grand plan is to trash our place? Is that it?"

Pinhead just smiled. "Something like that. Oh goodness Kruger! Your ignorance amuses me so! My plan to get you evicted!" from behind him Jason's mother came forward.

"Where's my little boy? Jason? Jaaaaaason!"

Jason's eyes grew wide as he looked around for a hiding place. He ran to the only room available-the bathroom and slammed the door. Ghostface hurried over and tried to wretch open the bathroom door but it wouldn't open.

"Come one Voorhees! Level with me here-we need a hiding place too!"

Freddy dragged him away from the bathroom door. "Just give it up fuck face. It's all over now."

Ghostface shook his head as a loud rock song began to play, making the whole room shake. "But I didn't mean to-"

"I know."

"It was an accident!"

Freddy rolled his eyes and nodded. "I know."

"There were chains in my back-see?" he turned around and around the bony outline of his spine there were little puncture wounds, still bleeding a little. Freddy nodded yet again.

"I know-"

"He said that he wouldn't kill anyone."

"I KNOW, OKAY?! Just shut the fuck up and stop feeling sorry for yourself! If anything feel sorry for me...Pinhead's my problem now fuck face. Now...wait-where's Myers?" he asked, turning around and looking every which way. There came a knocking from the glass balcony doors. Michael waved to them and motioned to the door.

He held up a sign; _Good luck getting them outta here._

Freddy helped Ghostface to his feet and shouted at the window, "Of fuck you to hell Myers! God damn him...what are we gonna do now? How are we gonna get them to get outta my apartment?"

Ghostface shrugged. "Why not try being nice?"

He scoffed. "That's the..." he looked around and sighed. The other slashers hadn't even been there for 15 minutes and already the damage would cost him an extra year's worth rent. Swallowing all his pride, he pushed his way through the crowd and jumped on top of the kitchen table and held his hands up in the air, motioning for silence. When no one complied he took a deep breath and yelled, "Heeeey! Shut the fuck up!"

They all grew silent and stared at him murderously. One of them, a young lady with curly blond hair and an astonishingly thin frame named Alex Forrest-Fatal Attraction-yelled right back at him, "You shut up! Why I listen to you? Especially after that one night...you promised to call back but you didn't! I won't be ignored Frederick!"

Freddy glared at her. "First off Alex it was only a one night stand-I told you that but you went all psycho bitch crazy on me so yeah, I had to dump you. It was hot sex but not worth the whole stalker aspect...now the rest of you! Get the fuck out of my apartment!"

"You dirty bird! Why is the word 'fuck' in every other thing you say?"

"First of all Anne Wilkes, you were in a movie based off of a _Stephen King _book...that's pretty low...secondly-"

Now it was Pennywise who was speaking as he slowly crawled out of the drain. "Why should we listen to you when you've screwed nearly all of us over? Or thought about it? We're over you now Mister Kruger!"

Ghostface's voice sounded from the back of the crowd. "Pennywise we had a deal!"

The clown shrugged as it finally succeeded in getting out of the sink drain. "Kee-rect! But I grow tired of the cramped living space...and it's time for Mr. Bob Grey to _feed._"

The whole room erupted into cheers as Freddy hopped off the table and retreated to the back of the room. "Well that didn't work!"

Yeah but-"

"Hey Jason?!" Norman Bates called into the bathroom, "Hey, Mr. Voorhees? Me and the others were just having a little debate over which one of us was the bigger mamma's boy...who do _you _think it is?" when no response came Norman stifled a laugh and pressed his ear to the door, "What? Speak up Jason, we can't hear you-"

The whole room erupted into laughter, even Pinhead who was draped across the couch and watching an episode of _Family Guy. _Jason on the other hand, burst out of the bathroom, breaking it off its hinges. He stepped forward and grabbed Norman Bates by his scrawny neck and tried to strangle him but someone tapped his shoulder.

_What? _He thought as he turned around. Mrs. Voorhees was glaring at him, her lips a thin line.

"Jason you put that nice young boy down and let your mother take care of it!"

Jason shook his head stubbornly as he continued to strangle Norman Bates. _But I don't wanna._

"Young man listen to your mother this instant!"

Freddy and Ghostface watched in amazement as Jason let Bates go and slumped his shoulders. The others doubled over in laughter as Jason slumped his shoulders and resentfully allowed himself to be escorted outside by his mother.

Once Norman had stopped chocking he laughed. "Ha! What a mamma's boy!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Now you play nicely with you little friend here...hello Michael." Mrs. Voorhees said brightly as she opened the the balcony door and pushed her son outside. Michael seemed surprised buy nodded all the same.

_Hello Mrs. Voorhees._

"You're going to look after my boy, aren't you sweetie?"

Michael nodded again. _Yes ma'am. You can count on me._

"Good. Then mommy will be back in a few hours to take you home, okay Jason?"

Jason's eyes got wide. _Take me home?_

She smiled grew. "Oh yes. We're going back home to Camp Crystal Lake, darling. Now I'll see you in a couple of hours."

Once she had left another woman came in, Alex Forrest. She looked from Jason to Michael and stopped. Taking a few steps toward Michael, she lashed out and slapped the living hell out of him. He staggered back in his seat and jumped to his feet. _Ow! What was that for Allie?_

She glared at him. "You are an asshole Michael Myers! You said that...you said..." her voice trailed off as she wiped tears from the corners of her eyes and sniffled. Jason's eyes twinkled.

_This is getting good..._

Michael's eyes looked desperate as her fingers clawed at his mask. "You asshole! You promised-"

He shook his head. _First off I was very clear at the time that it was only gonna be a one time thing...usually chicks that I have sex with get mutilated. But you...you're...something a right..._

Alex's eyes lit up. "You think that I'm special?"

Jason couldn't help but write, _Just how many slashers have you fucked again?_

She shrugged and wrapped her arms around Michael. "He was my favorite...just you and me Mikey."

He rolled his eyes and swallowed. _Probably not..._

"Oh yes! C'mon Mikey...we're going in the apartment right now so that we can do it-"

_No we're not._

Alex nodded and drug him to the balcony door. No matter how much Jason sat there and watched him, nothing was done. _Please! _Michael wrote, _Please don't leave me! She'll fucking rape me man-_

Jason stared down at him amused and shook his head. _Sorry. I don't interfere where love is involved. Have fun...and don't let her suck your dick too much now._

"Oh Jason! When I'm done with Mikey I'll fuck you if you want!" Alex squealed as she wretched open the balcony door. Jason shook his head.

_No, no. That won't be necessary. You two just have fun._

"We definitely will." and Alex towed Michael into the house and disappeared into the crowd of other slashers. Jason sighed contentedly and looked up at the stars.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy sighed. "I hate this shit."

"Why?" Ghostface asked, "Is it because you're in a room full of people who hate you? Or maybe it's because Alex Forrest, one of the only girls that have willingly had sex with you, is now trying to rape Michael?"

He gasped and looked around the room. "What?"

"Look," Ghostface said, pointing to Michael who was trying to break free of Alex's grasp. "See? Boy she really has a fancy for him, doesn't she?"

Freddy crossed his arms and became very moody. "I'm sexier anyway."

"Hmm," Ghostface muttered, "I'd beg to differ-"

"Shut the fuck up, you ever loving gigolo! Nobody asked you!" Freddy exclaimed. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at them. Ghostface swallowed.

"Uh...I think that we should..."

Freddy nodded. "Right."

And they both ran to hide in the bathroom. Once inside they sat shakily down on the tiled floor and thought...thought of any plan that might get them out of their current predicament, anything at all. Finally Ghostface's head popped up and he jumped to his feet and went for the sink.

He wrapped his hands around the sink faucet and pulled with all his might. Freddy looked at him oddly. "What are you _doing_?"

It took a second for him to answer but he finally managed to hiss, "Flooding the bathroom...do me a favor and turn the bathtub on, will ya?"

Freddy shook his head. "No I will not! This will still be my apartment after Pinhead's hit the road and-"

"It won't be unless you help me. Since we can't just tell them to get out or force them, what better way then washing them out? It sure would save some time." Ghostface said. With one more exertion of force, he wretched the pipes out and away from the wall. Water sprayed him in the face but he still hurried over to the tub and turned that on as well.

Freddy sighed and sploshed down on the floor, in the water that now covered the floor. "This is gay."

"Yeah but it has to work. If it doesn't we're out on our asses in the street."

But Freddy wasn't listening to anything Ghostface said, in fact he was trying to ignore him. He was trying very hard not to stare at his now bare and drenched, pale chest as water began to fill up the bathroom. He swallowed and looked at his soggy shoes.

"Hey...fuck face?"

"What?" Ghostface asked as he looked around the bathroom for anything else to break.

"Where's your shirt?"

He shrugged. "The cube was clinging onto it and when I tried to get it off it tore in half. Why?"

Freddy shook his head. "Nothing, nothing. Just-hey, what's that noise?"

They both listened, pressed their ears to the door as water began to leak out of the bathroom and into the living room area beyond it. Scratching sounds came from the other side of the door then...chains shot into the bathroom and threatened to rip the door off its hinges.

"Oh shit! What are we gonna do? How are we gonna-"

Ghostface grabbed the doorknob and pulled. The chains just pulled harder, making his wet shoes slide across the floor. Ghostface began to panic. "Help me Kruger!"

Freddy stared clueless at him as the door gave out a loud, splintering crack and threatened to break in half altogether. "What? How-"

"I don't know...grab onto my waist."

"What?!"

"Just do it."

Freddy sighed and resentfully-or maybe not so much-wrapped his arms around Ghostface's pale and thin torso. "You know that I don't enjoy this."

"And you think that I do? I-"

Even with their combined efforts the door began to splinter all over again. But that wasn't even their biggest problem. The water was getting to be so high that they were having trouble keeping their footing.

Ghostface winced as Freddy's claws began to cut in between his ribs. "Kruger...stop hugging onto me so hard-I can't breath!"

"Sorry I-" that was all that he could say before the chains ripped the door off it's hinges all together and water went flooding in immeasurable waves into the rest of the apartment.

Every other slasher was quickly swept off their feet; Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, Pinhead and his two cenobites, Pennywise and Freddy even swore that he saw Leatherface waving his huge chainsaw in the air before the water reached him.

It didn't stay in the apartment for long either. But still, Freddy and Ghostface clung desperately to what had once been the bathroom door. When it was all over and the water had stopped rushing out of the bathroom Ghostface tentatively raised his head.

"Is...is it over?"

Freddy shook his head. "No...I don't think that it is..."

Everyone in the room, was silent as the water rose and flooded half the room, at least five feet of water in the apartment. Then Pinhead broke the surface, chocking and sputtering. He pointed at Freddy and glared at him.

"You...you..."

Freddy smiled craftily and held tightly onto the wooden door. "What?"

"Asshole!"

"Ohh...burn." Ghostface said, rolling his eyes. Beside him Jason rose above the surface of the water. His gaze fell on Freddy and threw a soggy piece of paper at him.

_What now genius?_

Freddy shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't think this far into the plan yet-"

"_Your _plan?" Ghostface asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. If it wasn't for me holding onto you-"

_Whoa what have I missed?_

"Shut up Voorhees." Freddy said as he tapped his claws impatiently against the wooden door. "I just want to-what was that?" he looked over to the main apartment door and it quaked and even more water filled the room.

Jason looked around. _I wonder where Myers is. I hope he didn't-_

"Voorhees shut up and grab the door." Ghostface said as he climbed up a little more on the door and gripped it so hard his knuckles shown white. Although Jason's eyes shined with curiosity he grabbed the door with one hand. Ghostface glared at him. "Both hands on the door smart ass!"

He rolled his eyes and white-knuckled the door with both hands. Just as he did so the door to the apartment burst open and the water along with all the slashers flooded out into the hall. The whole door went underwater for a second but found its way to the surface once more, and this time Pinhead was clinging to it for dear life, the puzzle box in his mouth.

Freddy glared at him and tried to push him off the door, but as the same time trying to keep his now dripping, soggy top hat on his bald head. "You...you'd better get off our door, bitch!"

"Make me!" Pinhead said, his black eyes looking especially dead as the water rose in the hall. "Besides it doesn't look to me like you've got any of your usual muscle to back up your words. Where's that over sized retard Jason or that prick Michael?"

Ghostface struggled to keep his head above water as he kicked his feet and tried to get his now water-filled shoes off his feet. "He's not a prick...he's just really good a fucking dudes-"

"Don't wanna hear it! Now where is Myers and Voor-fuck face?"

"What?"

Pinhead's eyes got wide and he asked shakily, "D...did one of you just touch my foot?"

Ghostface shook his head. "No...but I just felt it to-"

Pinhead gasped. "I think it's-" but it was too late and he went underwater, a flurry of bubbling, bloody water behind him. Freddy looked beneath him and saw a huge, unimaginably horrible great white shark.

He scrambled to climb on the door. Ghostface stared at him oddly but didn't hesitate to follow suit. He hugged his knees to his chest as the whole door threatened to give way under their combined weight. "H-he took the cube."

"And the shark ate the cube. Huh. Well that solves that problem." Freddy said in almost a cheerful way. "But what I still don't understand is where the fuck Myers and Voorhees is."

He felt Ghostface shrug, his bare shoulders dripping. God he was freezing. "I d-d-don't know but I hope that Myers is okay."

Freddy rolled his eyes. "You do know that the one night was just a fluke, right? He's not going to fuck you again...never again. Get it? Before we hurried into the bathroom he was getting busy with that Fatal Attraction chick-"

"Unhappily."

"Oh just shut up."

And they both sat there in silence, ignoring the other slashers' pleas for help as they too got eaten by the monstrous shark and what appeared to be the Creature of the Black Lagoon.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

After about an hour the water was down to knee-high level and the swimming horrors had retreated back to their rightful quarters. Freddy awoke once again to a horrible stench.

"Ugh...fuck face what's that _smell_?"

Ghostface raised his head about two inches off the ground and smacked his lips tiredly. "I dunno...I'm cold. What happened last night again?"

Freddy shuddered and rose to his feet. He wrung out his Christmas sweater and wrapped his arms around himself, trying desperately to get warm again. "I don't know...oh yeah. You let Pinhead out the cube, he unleashed a bunch of other slashers to trash the place and...and we lost Myers and Voorhees."

Ghostface got up and looked around the deserted hall and went to go get his shoes, still wet and forever soggy. He came back, his teeth chattering. "I think that the smell is mold...we must have flooded the entire floor!"

"Then we'd better go make sure that the water's turned off." Freddy said as he pushed Ghostface towards the apartment. "Ladies first."

"Huh. Good one, realllllll classy." and he went inside.

The inside of the apartment reeked with mold and dankness. "Wow." Freddy muttered, "Mold sure does grow fast, doesn't it?"

Ghostface shrugged his bare and dripping shoulders. "Who cares? No one is trying to be technical here...hey look! By the T.V.!"

Freddy crept up and hid behind the couch and stifled a laugh; there was Jason and Michael, sleeping one on top the other. He motioned for Ghostface to join him and together they said softly, just loud enough for Michael and Jason to hear, "Aww...how sweet!"

Jason was the first to open his eyes and look around. He pushed Michael roughly aside and glared defensively at Freddy. _It was...just how it happened-_

"Oh it happened alright!" he said, doubling over in laughter.

Ghostface seemed almost hurt. "Wow. Looks like someone certainly weathered out the storm, huh?"

Michael shook his head and readjusted his jumpsuit. _You think we-hell no! I almost drowned...I-_

"You don't have to explain yourself Myers...we know exactly what you're talking about!" Freddy said as he gasped for air. Jason rose to his feet.

_How can you even assume that? We're not even naked or in our underwear or anything!_

"I think that aside from the constant gay butt sex in this place it isn't so bad...Pinhead's gone once and for all-"

"That's what you said last time. Idiot..."

"SHUT UP FUCK FACE! Now as I was saying...yeah aside from all that, it's not so bad. Pinhead's gone for now and so is the damned cube...his two little cenobites aren't coming back anytime soon and everything is fine and as Myers would say-or write-peachy."

Jason sighed and wrung out his brown jacket and stepped out of his soggy shoes. _What I don't understand is how Pinhead managed to squeeze that many other slashers in the puzzle box to begin with...I mean how can she just-_

Michael glared at him. _Shut up Voorhees. Don't point out the loophole...that just makes you seem like an arrogant asshole._

"Why can't he feel free to ask questions? It's a free world man!" Ghostface said, his druggie behavior returning to him.

Freddy shrugged. "I can't see how that's important in any case. All that matters is that we have our apartment back and..." he looked around at all the soggy furniture and watery carpet. The smell of mold filled his nostrils and he sighed. "Guess we're sleeping outside tonight. Damn!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Will Pinhead be back? Will Michael and Jason develop a romance? How many gay relationships are currently developing between the four slashers? I don't really know. If I'd have to guess, I'd say [D] All of the above.

Yeah, lol I passed the iLEAP with flying colors.

But I really don't know. And just for your information I have at least...oh let's say three or so more episodes planned. Thanks for reading. :]


	17. Episode 17Thanks A Lot, Rob Zombie

Episode 17-Thanks A Lot, Rob Zombie

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Hey come look at this!" Freddy called to the others as the ad for Rob Zombie's latest Halloween remake sounded out through the apartment. Michael rolled his eyes.

_So he's trying to make a quick buck off me, I've had it happen before-_

"Ssh!" Ghostface hissed as he slapped Michael over the head. They all watched the commercial in silence then when it was over Freddy laughed. Jason stared at him questioningly.

_What's so funny?_

"Oh nothing...I just think that the Robbie Zombie might kill off Myers-"

Ghostface's head shot up. "WHAT?!"

He shrugged and flipped the channel. "They could, you know. I thought that he did that with the first remake but-"

Jason: _Yeah and it looks like Michael has a girlfriend this go round. Why didn't you say anything, Myers?_

Michael rolled his eyes. _Whatever is in that movie is false...it stopped being real around the 4__th__ movie._

"Then why are you getting so defensive? Afraid of death Myers?" Freddy asked as he dug under the couch cushion that he was sitting on and brought out a laptop.

"Where did you get that?" Ghostface asked as he tried to touch it. Freddy slapped his hand away and booted up the laptop.

"I've always had it dip shit...didn't you know?" when they all shook their heads Freddy smiled. "Well that's your problems. Besides fuck face, you wreck everything that you touch so why would I so candidly let you touch my laptop? Besides you'd probably just use it to look up porn anyways..."

"It was only one time and you said that-"

"I never said that I would straight up lie about it and since the opportunity has come up..." Freddy's voice trailed off as he typed in _Wikipedia...Halloween 2 (2009)... _"Ha! Here it is Myers! Read it and weep."

Michael grabbed the laptop and read it silently as Jason and Ghostface looked over his shoulder. _Michael Myers returns to his home in Haddonfield, bringing death in his wake, to bring "closure to the secrets of his[...] past". An unlikely individual steps up to put an end to Michael once and for all._

Freddy smiled victoriously. "See? You're gonna die and there's nothing that you can do about it-"

Michael still tried not to panic as he shakily wrote: _But what happens if I do die? What will happen? Will I disappear? Will I just drop dead? Will I continue living?_

Jason looked equally as worried. _Yeah...what will happen if they kill one of us off?_

Ghostface shrugged and tried to grab the laptop but Freddy snatched it away again. "Please, Kruger? I...yeah but anyway. It just sounds like a load of bullshit to me. I mean, he's totally ignoring the first-or any of the other Halloweens-so why can't we just ignore him?"

Freddy put up the laptop. "Because there may be, like, a hundred different Halloween movies but there's only one Michael Myers. So whatever Robbie Zombie does in this one is sticking."

Jason: _At least until some other director steps forward to pick up where he left off...don't worry your prissy little head, Michael. Either way you'll be around...just maybe dead for a while._

Michael crossed his arms moodily over his chest. _Man this blows._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

A WEEK LATER...

"Myers you gotta get your ass up so that fuck face can go wash our clothes again...you know that it's sort of like a once a month tradition now. Myers!"

Michael didn't get up, didn't even move. He just held up a sign; _I feel sick you guys._

Jason: _You've felt sick ever since the morning after we showed you that video. But now your clothes stink and you gotta give them to Ghostface so that he can wash them-_

Michael shook his head and hugged a pillow. _Fuck yourself up the ass with something hard._

Ghostface sighed and threw the pile of clothes down on the floor. "I'm not making two rounds."

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Then shut the fuck up while I take care of Myers...hey, Myers?"

_What?_

"Listen, I can understand that knowing that you're gonna die in a few weeks has really fucked up your mind, but hey, listen. We don't care. We need to do our laundry-"

Jason stifled a laugh. _Who says laundry, anyway?_

Freddy glared at him. "Who asked you anyway? Now Myers you'd better get your fucking pansy ass up before I_ make _you get up...god damn it! You asshole get up!"

Michael didn't make a move. Ghostface sighed and took out his knife and slit Michael's jumpsuit. He finally opened his eyes and jumped to his feet. _What the fuck did you do that for? Now I don't have anything to wear?_

"Now nobody ever has to wash it again so it won't be a problem...and I can enjoy looking at your chest all day." And with that Ghostface put the knife back in his shirt sleeve and went out the door. Freddy stared after him.

"That is one seriously fucked up dude...and you, Myers!"

_What? _Michael asked as he covered his shoulders with a blanket. _God I hate this place...it blows._

Jason: _Then why the hell are you still living here, asshole? You know that you've been really pissy lately-_

Michael rolled his eyes. _Because you need me to pay the rent...don't you?_

Freddy shook his head. "Nah, not really. Honestly we were thinking of replacing you with Hannibal Lector and that tranny Buffalo Bill, just so you know. So if you come home one day and they're here, that's what's up."

_W-hat?_

Jason nodded. _Yeah. We tried to replace you. I mean, ever since the news of your probably death you've been insufferable._

Michael's eyes became very bright and watery and his shoulders slumped. _Well maybe if you would give a damn about someone other than yourselves...I'm fucking sick of this place! I'm leaving!_

"Cool just don't slam the door on your way out." Freddy said as he switched on the T.V. Michael stared at him as if he expected anyone to try and talk him out of it. When no one did he got up, took what remained of his jumpsuit and got his kitchen knife and went out the door.

After about five minutes Jason sighed and got up. Freddy looked at him. "Where the fuck are you going?"

He shrugged. _I don't know I'm kind of hungry...I was thinking pizza?_

"What?!" Freddy yelled. "How the hell can you just stand there ordering pizza when your best friend just walked out the door?"

He just looked in the fridge and a disappointed look came into his eyes. _There's no more pizza left-_

"Bitch! Answer the question!"

_What question?_

"The question!"

_What?_

Suddenly Ghostface came through the door looking apprehensive. "Why did I just see Michael walking down the stairs crying?"

Freddy and Jason glanced at each other then both doubled over in laughter-or at lest Freddy did. "Ha! Are you fucking serious? Oh my fucking...ha oh my God...we made him _cry?!"_

Jason: _Wow he really is a pussy, isn't he?_

Ghostface slumped his shoulders and pointed to the door. "You made him leave?! What the hell did you say?"

"Jeez chill out fuck face. We just said that he was acting like a PMSing bitch and he needed to get over himself and his huge ego...after all, it's not like he's a HUGE slasher like me or anything. I mean, people fucking love me. They don't love him. He's only the-"

"He's only the Boogeyman! He's only The Shape that terrified the whole late 70s! What the fuck did you do, you retard?" he asked frantically.

Jason: _It's no big deal anyway. We can always replace him with Hannibal and Buffalo Bill, right?_

Freddy nodded. "Yeah. It's not gonna be a big deal, fuck face. Just relax and leave everything to me. We'll replace Myers faster than you can sing cheerily, 'One, two Freddy's coming for you.' You'll see."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Hannibal raised his eyebrows. "So let me understand your proposition correctly mister Kruger. You would like nothing better than for me and my companion Buffalo Bill to move in with you and your...friends, is this accurate?"

Freddy nodded. "Uh yeah. Wait...just between us-me and Ghostface that is because Myers isn't here anymore and Voorhees is a retard-you're not gay, right?"

Ghostface slapped his forehead. "You fucking idiot! How is that an appropriate question?"

Hannibal held up his and for silence. "No, no mister Ghostface. It is a perfectly legitimate question. But sadly no, Buffalo Bill and I are not homosexual-or at least I'm not. I can't say the same thing for him, can I?"

Buffalo Bill shook his head and said, "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

Freddy chuckled. "Riiiiiiiiight. But aside from that, I think that you'd be perfect."

Hannibal smiled and held out his hand for them to shake. When Freddy reached for it he pulled back, though. "Sorry mister Kruger. You understand, don't you?"

Freddy looked down at his clawed hand and nodded glumly. "Yeah, yeah."

Ghostface seemed more pleased than ever as he shook his hand. "Welcome to the dysfunctional family Lector and Bill. Welcome."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Hannibal sighed as Freddy turned up the T.V. It had been three days since Michael had left and things still weren't the same. Buffalo Bill sat next to Jason and stared at him. He pushed a bottle of lotion at him and recited, "It puts the lotion on its skin-"

Ghostface sighed. "Will you just shut the fuck up with the whole lotion thing?! You can talk in real sentences, you know that right?"

Buffalo Bill glared at him. "Who are you?"

Then Hannibal cleared his throat. "Mister Kruger?"

"Yeah?"

"Can't we watch something other than just reality television?"

Jason: _What do you have in mind?_

Hannibal clapped his hands together. "I'm glad you asked. I was thinking that we could perhaps listen to some stimulating music such as-"

"So you wanna make us...masturb-" Freddy began to ask.

"No, no. Nothing like that, but something like Mozart or perhaps Buffalo Bill could tie you up and we could just eat you for dinner or..."

Buffalo Bill jumped to his feet and brought out some rope. He reached over and tied up Jason before he even had a chance to think about it. "Hey what the fuck are you doing?" Freddy asked as Hannibal smiled and pulled the rope around his wrists as well. "You practically just moved here and you're already trying to kill us?"

He shrugged. "We're very hungry-or at least I am, Buffalo Bill just needs your skin." and then went to tie up Ghostface.

"No fucking way man...you're not-"

"Now Ghostface wouldn't it just be better if-"

Ghostface staggered back against the wall as Buffalo Bill came at him with the rope. Not knowing what else to do he reached into his pocket and brought out a knife. Jason's eyes got wide. _Wait! Don't! You can't do that!_

"Why not?" Ghostface asked, lowering the knife. Hannibal stared at him as well.

"Yes why not?"

Jason: _Because Hannibal Lector and Buffalo Bill are just regular people who happen to be killers...so we can't kill them, only the really bad sequels can._

Buffalo Bill nodded. "He's got a point...but we sure as hell can kill him!" he motioned to Ghostface who shook his head as well.

"Nu-uh. I'm not immortal! I barley know who I am...each movie has a different me! God my life sucks..."

Freddy struggled in the ropes. "Shut the fuck up and go find Myers! Or Rob Zombie!"

"And tell him-I swear to God that if you don't get away from me with those ropes, you tranny-what?"

Jason: _Find a way to get Michael back here or else..._

Hannibal smacked his lips. "Indeed. Or else. Now Ghostface, as for you-"

Ghostface said his prayers and ran for the door, jumped over the couch and the kitchen table. Freddy and Jason stared after him. "You think that he'll make it?"

Jason shrugged. _Probably not but the real question is whether or not he'll come back either way._

"Shit we are so doomed...I wish that Myers was here."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It took a few more days before Ghostface arrived on the driveway of the old Myer's place. He swallowed and looked around, for any sign of Michael. Seeing none, he approached the old house and knocked on the door.

When no answer came Ghostface opened the door just a crack and called out, "Myers?! Please...we need you-oh, Myers...there you are. You are Michael, right?"

The man that stood in the doorway was probably 2x skinnier than Michael with his ribs clearly visible, his once perfectly white mask now filthy and his hair in knots. His jumpsuit was very baggy on him and tied at the waste, acting as just a pair of pants since the top part was slit down the back. Ghostface sighed and put his hand on Michael's shoulder.

"Thank God it's you Myers! Jeez, you wouldn't believe-"

_You're touching me._

He nodded and removed his and from Michael's shoulder. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry Myers. But you gotta come back, I-"

He shook his head. _Come back? For what?_

"Hannibal Lector is gonna eat Freddy-which really isn't so bad-but then Buffalo Bill is going to use Jason's skin to make a human suit...please come back, we need help."

Michael sighed and stepped outside and looked up at the sky. He shoved a note at Ghostface and watched him as he read it. _Wow. I'm gone for a few days and you manage to get them trapped, eaten and skinned...nice. But you seem to be forgetting that I'm gonna be dying sometime within the next few days or hours so-_

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah I know and I've found a way to make sure that you live no matter what!"

He rolled his eyes. _And how are we going to do that? Sell our souls?_

"No. Sell Rob Zombie's soul. Please come with me...please!" Ghostface nearly dropped down onto his knees before Michael nodded.

_Fine but it better work...if it doesn't then-_

"If it does work then will you owe me?" he asked suddenly. Michael seemed surprised by this and scratched his head.

_Uh..._

"C'mon, I give you eternal life and you just do me one tiny favor-"

_It depends on whether or not it works...let's just go, okay?_

Ghostface nodded. "Okay!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_So what's the plan again? _Michael wrote as he and Ghostface stood on the outside of the iron gates that bordered Rob Zombie's Hollywood home.

Ghostface shrugged. "I dunno. I'm pretty much winging it at this point. Now c'mon, just jump over the fence."

Michael jumped up and tried to haul himself over the fence but found that he didn't have the strength left to do it. He kicked his feet at nothing but air until Ghostface ran over and yelled up, "Hey you need a hand?"

Michael tried to push himself up but gave up but failed. Heaving a huge, labored sigh he nodded. Ghostface chuckled and gripped his butt. "Okay then. Hold on..."

And in another second Michael was over the fence and Ghostface followed him. "Okay Myers. Now as much...I mean as _little _as I enjoyed that, c'mon."

Both of them hurried over to the front door of the giant Beverly Hills house and stood by the door. Ghostface swallowed. "Okay then Myers...go ahead."

Michael gave him a sideways look. _What?_

"He's your problem so why don't you just go ahead and knock on the door-"

_I'm not doing it._

Ghostface pushed him towards the door. "Do it. I'm daring you."

He shrugged. _I don't give a crap what you're daring me to do...I'm not-_

"H-hey guys...what's up?"

They both turned to face Rob Zombie. He was wearing a black, grungy shirt and his long, tangled hair was partially in his face. "Uh..." Ghostface said, putting his hands behind his back, "hi. Rob Zombie, director of the Halloween 2 remake?"

He nodded and bowed his head. "The one and only."

Ghostface sighed and turned to Michael. "See? He doesn't seem that bad...perfectly reasonable. Now, mister Rob Zombie I have here a contract that I'd like you to sign-"

"Wait, wait. Hold up; you're not trying to sell me anything, are you?" Rob asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Ghostface and Michael shook their heads. Upon recognizing Michael he smiled and pointed at his white, somewhat dirty mask. "Hey, man. Are you some kinds of fans or something?"

Ghostface shrugged. "You could say that...the only difference is that this is the _real _Michael Myers and what the real Michael Myers really needs right now most of all is your signature. Sign on the dotted line please." and he shoved the contract at Rob Zombie who read it.

"Wait man. This says that I, Rob Zombie, do solemnly swear to take Michael Myers' spot in hell in the case of his death, whenever it may be...you guys are trying to get me to sell my soul to the devil?!"

Michael: _That's a very loose translation but yes._

Rob backed away. "Okay, okay. I can understand that you are trying to save your friend's skin but I'm not doing it."

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah but he's the real-"

"No!" he snapped suddenly. "They only 'real Michael Myers' is _my _Michael Myers! Mine! I practically own him! That...that thing-" he pointed at Michael, "-is nothing! Not anymore anyway. You go out on the street and as any original Halloween fan which Michael they like better and it will be my Michael...not him. No one even remembers him anymore. Now get off my property!" and Rob Zombie slammed the door.

Ghostface stood there for a second, just a few inches from the door, and then slowly turned to Michael, whose chest was rapidly rising and falling. "Uh...Myers? Is something-"

_I'll fucking kill him...I AM MICHAEL MYERS!!!_

He nodded hurriedly. "Yeah, yeah. You are. But we can get someone else to-"

_He will sign it. _And Michael reached forward and pounded on the door. Rob Zombie reemerged. He glared at Michael and whipped out a cell phone.

"Okay. That's it. I'm calling the-"

Michael grabbed him by his throat and snatched the contract from Ghostface's hands. He held it up in front of Rob with a deadly glaze. Rob nodded.

"Okay dude. I'll...I'll do it...just please don't-"

"You'd better just hurry up and sign it before he gets really pissed and finds out that I stole his knife because I knew something like this would happen..."

He nodded and snatched the paper, pulled out a pen and hurriedly scribbled down his name. "Okay! Fine! There you go. Now if I've served my purpose-"

"Just so you know," Ghostface said as he took the contract and stepped in front of Michael, "If you so much as even give him a scratch, shoot him or even kill him in this cute little 'remake' that you have going on, you'll die in his place. Got it asshole?"

Rob rolled his eyes. "Please. You think that you can threaten me? Piss off-"

Michael stepped forward. _Do you understand?_

He shrugged. "Yeah. But you're still not Micahel Myers...only a cheap shell of what he used to be before I adopted him. Before I-" Michael had pushed Ghostface to the ground and relocated his knife amidst the other killer's black and tattered robes. Rob took a step back as Michael walked towards him.

"Wh-what are you-"

_Piss off asshole. _And Michael jammed the knife into Rob Zombie's throat and slid it across. Rob took a second to grasp at his hollowed out throat then dropped onto the ground, the slightest bit of blood running down his chin. Michael stepped back, seemingly satisfied and motioned to Ghostface.

_Alright. Let's go._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"When am I gonna get to skin 'em, Lector?" Buffalo Bill asked as he danced and twirled around the room. He fell into Jason's lap and draped his arms over his shoulders. "I'm gonna skin you..."

"Bill! Would you please just-"

"I thought that you said that he wasn't gay." Freddy said as Hannibal led him over to the stove.

He shrugged and opened a pot full of boiling water. "I said that I wasn't gay, which I'm not. I can not be held responsible for that psychopath's actions."

Jason rolled his eyes and tried to get Buffalo Bill off him. _How foolish of me to go around thinking that we were all psychopaths...how utterly foolish of me._

"Shut up Voorhees and help me!" Freddy yelled as Hannibal pulled up his sweater sleeve and dug out a kitchen knife. He smiled.

Jason: _What do you want me to do, Kruger? There's a tranny laying on me and I can't move my arms._

"Hmm...which finger shall go in the pot first, mister Kruger?"

He swallowed as his hand was placed on the cutting board. "How about none of the above? Can that be arranged?"

Hannibal laughed and shook his head. He raised the knife far above Freddy's hand. "Poor mister Kruger...guess your friend really isn't coming back now, is he?"

Right on cue Ghostface burst into the room with Michael. Hannibal and Buffalo Bill stopped what they had been doing and stared at them unbelievably.

"What are you doing here?" Buffalo Bill asked as he got up off of Jason. Ghostface shrugged.

"We're pretty much just winging it...he Kruger! I found a way to save Myers no matter what happens ever again! Rob Zombie will take the fall not-"

"Yeah that's just dandy fuck face but if you wouldn't mind helping us..."

"Okay, chill out. Ghostface to the rescue." and with that Ghostface dug the knife out of his sleeve and went at Hannibal as Michael when for Jason.

Michael: _I thought that after all of this you wouldn't need my help Voorhees. I thought that I wasn't-_

Jason: _Just shut the fuck up and help me!_

_Fine._

Michael bent down and tried to cut the ropes with his knife but Buffalo Bill suddenly came up and kicked him in the back. Michael fell forward and fell on the floor but still found it in him to grip the knife and slash at him.

Bill staggered back as the knife slit his hand and he gazed at Michael with something of revelation on his face. "Ow...Hannibal he-"

"I'm a little busy here son!" Hannibal screamed as he tried to keep Ghostface away from Freddy. "Get your hands off my meal you insufferable little-"

"Get your hands off my roommate...he pays a fourth of our rent you mother-"

On the other side of the room Michael had succeeded in getting Jason untied as Buffalo Bill ran around the room screaming about his cut hand. Michael got to his feet and thrust his knife into his stomach.

Buffalo Bill just stood there for a second looking mesmerized. "Hannibal he...he killed me..." and he dropped onto the ground. Michael turned to Jason.

_Is he really dea-_

Jason shook his head. _Are they ever really dead?_

From over by the stove Ghostface yelled, "Hey a little help please?" just as Hannibal came at him with a knife. Jason rolled his eyes and threw his machete at him.

Hannibal's eyes were wide as the machete flew through his abdomen. He too fell to the ground. Ghostface hurried to untie Freddy. "You know what I don't understand..."

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Besides everything?"

"Well...yeah. What I don't understand is why you just couldn't find it in you to cut these ropes yourself? I mean you do have razors for fingers-"

"Fuck face?"

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up. I know." Ghostface said as he stepped back and stared at Hannibal and Buffalo Bill.

Jason: _What are we going to do with them?_

Michael: _Can they really die?_

Freddy's head popped up and he glanced at Michael. "Oh yeah...whatever happened to that thing? Are you safe?"

Ghostface nodded proudly and slapped Michael on the back. "Yep. Rob Zombie gave us his best and...ah wishes that we keep Michael safe?" he glanced at Michael who just nodded.

_Yep. That's what he said...and Ghostface is about to get his ass whipped because he keeps touching me-_

"Sorry...sorry."

Jason sighed. _Well what are we going to do with those two?_

They all stared at Hannibal and Buffalo Bill. Freddy smiled wickedly. "I have an idea..."

"We're not..."

He nodded. "Yeah."

Jason: _We're not throwing them out the..._

"Yep."

Michael rolled his eyes. _Nobody worry about it...I'll do it. _And he carried Hannibal's and Buffalo Bill's seemingly dead bodies to the window and pushed them out. He stared at them as they lay at the bottom of the alley. _They're not dead, are they?_

Jason shrugged. _Who cares. All I know is that you're back and you're not going to try and eat us. That's good enough for me._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Okay. First of all, in order to prevent angry Rob Zombie fans from harshing my mellow, I'd just like to say that in reality I have no clue if that is how Rob Zombie would speak to people, behave or whatever. Of course you probably knew that, but just in case you didn't I'd thought that I'd just go ahead and say that. I'm sure that he's not as mean as I wrote him to be in real life.

Secondly the remake of Halloween 2 comes out August 28, 2009. GO SEE IT. Or not...whatever you feel like doing. I just feel like I have to add in 'Go see it or else Jesus will cry' to feel better about clowning Rob Zombie. I probably won't go see it, but that's just me...and the fact that I'm 15 and my mommy dearest won't let me see 'R' rated movies...unless they're on the Internet. (^_^) Anyways, that's all for now. Thanks.


	18. Episode 18Redrum Redeemed

Episode 18-Redrum Redeemed

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Are we there yet?"

"Okay fuck face...I'm going to ask you-no, tell you-one more time...when we get there, we get there! Shut the fuck up!"

In the back of the Winnebago Ghostface crossed his arms over his chest moodily. "But that still doesn't-"

Jason: _We're here._

Michael looked out the window and into the forests that surrounded the Overlook Hotel. He looked utterly puzzled. _I don't really understand what we're doing here to begin with._

Ghostface said huffily, "Don't you remember anything, Myers? Kruger got tired of the old, dried in blood stain smell in the apartment and got us all jobs at this crappy little hotel."

Jason nodded. _Yeah. Besides, it should give us something to do. What could possibly go wrong?_

Freddy looked regretfully out the window and cleared his throat. Everyone stared at him. Ghostface sighed. "What did you do?"

He hesitated before answering. "Well...there may be some minor, keep that in mind because in all actuality it's no big deal, setbacks..." his voice trailed off and he talked quietly, almost as if he didn't really want them to hear what he was saying.

Jason glared at him. _What?_

He shrugged passively and muttered, "You know...just the usual Axe-murdering psychopaths...nothing new."

Michael: _What? I don't think that I heard you right...did you just say 'usual Axe-murdering psychopaths'? What the fuck is that?_

As the van pulled up the long, winding driveway that led to the Overlook Hotel Freddy was silent. Ghostface became worried. "Wow. Kruger's not talking...it _must _be bad."

Jason hit him in the back of the head. _Shut up, idiot._

The Winnebago came to a sudden, lurching stop outside of the hotel's doors. He reached for the door handle and got out, a wary look on his face. Then after a second of looking around he smiled. "See? It's nice here! Nice, fresh air to breath...fuck face don't you dare!"

Ghostface, who had been attempting to light a rolled joint looked alarmed as Freddy yelled at him. He pouted. "But why-"

Michael: _We barley want you here. Don't ruin it._

Freddy nodded and began walking towards the door. The ground was thick with snow, the surrounding mountains and trees now painted a blinding white. His feet immediately lost all feeling in them as he hurried to the hotel's doors. The others followed close behind him, looking all around in an almost dazed way.

Once they were inside and had shaken the snow out of their shoes they all stopped in the giant lobby and gawked. Jason passed a note to Freddy: _Why are we here again?_

He sighed and tore up the note, let the pieces gently fall onto the floor. "Because an old friend called in a favor-"

Michael: _It wasn't Jack Nicholson, was it?_

They all stared at him. Freddy shook his head. "No...where the fuck did you get that?"

He shrugged and took a step forward. _I don't know. But I don't like this place...it's not friendly._

Ghostface scoffed. "We're killers! We're not exactly partial to friendly greetings, you know."

Jason: _Myers never really had the same problems we had...he's just a prissy like that._

Michael crossed his arms looking dignified. _I kill people...every day. And for your information I find them, they don't come to me per say-_

Freddy held up his hand, signaling for silence. "Okay, okay! Now I think that we all just need to shut the fuck up and calm down. We are all painfully aware of the fact that Myers couldn't kill a drunk teenage girl even if he tried...he's just a pussy that way. Now I think that what we need to do is-"

"Why hello there, fellas."

They all turned. It was a black guy with a friendly face. He smiled warmly at them and then broke the silence. "You wouldn't be the folks who are supposed to watch the place for the winter, would you?"

Freddy swallowed and slowly nodded. "Yeah. Who're you?"

He seemed okay enough so Freddy let him step forward and slap him kindly on the shoulder. "My name's Dick Hallorann...the chef. And so that must mean that since you said on the phone that there were only two of you that talked...you're Ghostface!"

Freddy broke free of his grasp and looked disgusted. "Hell no! I'm Freddy Kruger!" when-okay I'm just gonna call him Hallorann because that just sounds better. Call me immature but just deal with it-Hallorann didn't show any sign of recognition Freddy became sulky.

Jason seemed delighted that he wasn't recognized. _You know...the child molester that previously lived on Elm Street?_

At this point Ghostface interrupted and asked, trying to stifle a laugh, "I'm sorry sir. I didn't catch your name...what was it again?"

The elderly man smiled and said again, "Dick Hallorann."

Ghostface doubled over in laughter. Jason glared at him and once again hit him. _Fucking idiot...can't you try and be functional for one millisecond?_

He shook his head and laughed some more. "N-no. Just like you can't pretend not be a retard."

Just as Jason went to attack Ghostface Hallorann turned to Freddy and muttered, "Would you mind if I spoke to you in private for a second?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I kinda would...I mean my roommates are kind of killing each other-"

But Hallorann pulled him to the side anyway while Jason, Ghostface and Michael stabbed each other. "Now I'm sure that the hotel's owner let you know about the few incidents here."

Freddy shrugged. "Uh yeah. He did."

The man raised his eyebrows in sort of an unbelieving way. "About the two cabin fever cases-"

"Yeah. Umm...that one dude went batshit crazy, got an Axe and tried to chop up his entire family. Yeah. He told me." Freddy looked back at Jason, Michael and Ghostface and leaned a little closer to him. In an undertone he said, "Between you and me if anyone of us were to go crazy I'd bet my money on Myers...that guy in the jumpsuit."

Hallorann stared at him carefully, as if trying to evaluate what kind of person he was. "Really? How come?"

"Well because he's the only one of us with a record of mental illness. Sure we're obviously all psychopaths but him...man he's a fucking Satanist man!"

The man smiled and dug out his wallet. "My money says that it'll be that big one with the hockey mask."

Freddy dug out a few extra dollars from his pocket and shook hands with Hallorann. "It's a bet then...now better you get going?"

"Oh right." and they both turned back to the slashers which were now all laying on the tiled floor with little puddles of blood around them. Hallorann clapped his hands together enthusiastically and said so loud that it echoed throughout the entire lobby, "Now I'm afraid that the winter season will prove to be a lengthy few months but I'm confident that you all can handle it...and if you can't..." he glanced back at Freddy.

Michael: _What?_

Hallorann ignored his question and pulled up his sleeve to check his watch. "Well I suppose that it's time that I be getting along. You folks take good care now and don't forget to be careful. I suggest that you never to anywhere in this hotel by yourselves. It's pretty big and you might get lost. Perhaps partner up one quiet one with a talking one? That way if one of you is getting gutted, the loud one can scream." when everyone just stared at him he chuckled awkwardly and then hurried out the door.

Once he had left Freddy scratched the back of his head and cleared his throat. For a long minute everything was silent before he said, "Alright then...let's split up gang-"

Jason: _Where does that sound familiar?_

Freddy ignored him like so many times before. "I refuse to go with the hockey puck because he's just an over sized dip shit so fuck face can go with him and I'll go with Myers." when they made no move to do so he suddenly shouted, "Move your lazy asses NOW!!!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

As luck would have it eventually, after hours of wandering aimlessly through the enormous hotel, Jason and Ghostface ended up upstairs outside room number 237 while Freddy and Michael ended up in the kitchen.

"Wow." Freddy said as they entered the kitchen. "Look at all this food!"

Michael picked up one of the cans and read it silently then tossed it at Freddy with a dull look in his eyes. _Spam._

Freddy sighed. "So what if it's all Spam? At least it's not pizza. I'm just about sick of pizza and beer every night. If I keep drinking that stuff I'll get a beer gut...then what will happen?"

Michael shrugged and began to walk out the kitchen door, clearly unimpressed. _No straight guy in his right mind would worry about stuff like that. _

"Wait!" Freddy called after him, "Where are you going?"

_Away._

"Wait! You can't-"

Michael went out the kitchen, slamming the door on his way out. Freddy scoffed. "Fine. Go to hell for all I care fuck head." and he returned his attention to the cans of food.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael stormed out of the kitchen feeling royally and utterly pissed at Freddy. _Fucking idiot...made us come to this damn hotel just so he could get away from beer and pizza._

As he walked on he felt aware that he was being watched but Michael was often used to this feeling as he sometimes heard voices and felt like he was being watched. This was nothing unusual for him so he walked on and turned down a hall then another until he felt that he was royally and utterly lost.

He sat down moodily in the middle of the hall and put his head in his hands, wondering how he could ever have gotten shipped first class from Haddonfield to here, this hellhole. Then from out of nowhere a little rubber ball hit his foot. Michael looked up and picked up the ball then threw it down the hall where it bounced off of another wall and got lost from view.

Just as he lowered his head again two very sweet British-y voices, both speaking in unison, spoke to him calmly. "Come play with us, Danny."

Michael looked puzzled. _Huh? My name's not Danny...or is it? _He pounded a fist against his head, now utterly confused, _Well which is it? God I don't know..._

Then the voices came again, now louder than ever. "Come play with us Danny. Forever and ever and ever."

Now Michael raised his head. Two little girls stood at the end of the hall, both wearing the same blue and white dresses. They held each other's hands. One of them, the one that that was slightly taller than the other one said in almost a dull voice, "Hello Mikey. Come play with us. Come play with us, Mikey. Forever...and ever...and ever."

Michael jumped to his feet as scened of blood and gore flashed before his sight; the two girls lying in the hall with blood on the walls, dead. Blood everywhere. An overturned chair, desperate signs of struggle and an Axe. He staggered back and ran all the way back to the kitchen.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Meanwhile upstairs by room 237 Jason and Ghostface had reached the breaking point. Ghostface crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. "I still don't see the problem. It's absolutely absurd-"

Jason glared at him. _It's obvious that-_

But Ghostface covered his ears and said loudly, "I'm not listening, I'm not listening!"

_Rocky is totally more bad ass than Rambo!_

Now Ghostface started to hop up and down and cry out in an insufferably loud voice, "I'M NOT LISTINING!!!"

And Jason's response? _F-U-C-K YOU!_

And they would have continued forever if another voice hadn't broken in sounding absolutely pissed but all the same proper. "Gentlemen would you kindly-"

"I'm too busy not listening!"

The man sighed and straightened out his suit and cleared his throat. Jason and Ghostface stopped arguing and stared at him in shock. _I thought that no one else besides us was supposed to be in the hotel..._

Ghostface read it but didn't respond, just stood there gawking at the stranger. After a moment of silence he asked tentatively, "Wha...who are you."

Blood began to tickling down the man's bald head as he smiled and offered them a little glass of brandy or of something. "Come now gentlemen. Would you like a drink?"

Jason glanced at Ghostface who stared at the blood that steadily trickled from the man's head all the way onto the carpeted floor. Then he grabbed his tattered sleeve and they both ran the opposite direction. The man in the fine, crisp suit just stood there smiling with the glass full of alcohol in his gloved hand.

He gulped it down in one swallow then said to himself, "How odd. Odd gents indeed..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"I don't know what's wrong...I really don't...I just brought them all here for a vacation....that's it, Lloyd, you know?"

The bartender nodded and poured Freddy yet another glass of liquor. "Yes sir. People. Can't live with them, can't live without them."

Freddy downed the glass quickly and nodded. "Words of wisdom, Lloyd my man. Words of wisdom." then he paused and let the bartender pour him another glass. He took it and gently swished the alcohol in the glass and stared thoughtfully at it. "You know I really don't know why I took this job...it doesn't pay all that much. I guess it's the view. It's a nice view."

"Indeed sir. I-"

Suddenly Michael, Ghostface and Jason came bursting into the kitchen and Freddy's vision of a bartender disappeared. Even his glass of liquor. He snarled under his breath, "Let me guess-"

"We've got to get out of here man!" Ghostface yelled as he rushed forward and tugged on Freddy's sleeve. "We've got to-"

"So what if you chickened out?" Freddy hissed. Then he said to Michael and Jason, "What about you two?"

They both nodded and Michael hurriedly scribbled, _Yeah...you won't believe what I saw._

Jason: _Or me and Ghostface. This place must be haunted._

Freddy just stood there listening to their worries with an expressionless face. Finally he snarled, "What the fuck do you wanna do? Go..._home?" _he spat out the word like it was dirt. When they didn't speak and just looked at each other he really lost it.

"What? You wanna go home? Well let me tell you something! This is the best job that I've had in years and not any of you sorry motherfuckers are gonna make me quit it! Got it?!"

They all looked alarmed but nodded all the same. Freddy nodded but was still furious as he said, "Good. Then I'd venture to guess that it's time that we all just go to bed. It'll feel better in the morning. Trust me."

The others didn't say anything as they slowly turned and walked out the kitchen but they all thought the same thing; _He's going crazy. _

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

As it were Michael and Jason shared a room and Ghostface and Freddy shared another, each right across the hall from each other. Normally they would have chosen separate rooms but well...to say that they were scared shitless would be a gross understatement.

None of them particularly enjoyed bunking with the other but there were no complaints. At least not from anyone who wasn't Ghostface. He sighed loudly as he plopped onto the bed. Freddy snapped at him, "What?"

Ghostface quickly shook his head and looked at the floor. "Nothing."

Freddy rolled his eyes and scoffed. He rose to his feet and went for the door. "Where are you going?" Ghostface called after him.

Freddy didn't respond for a second then paused before he opened the door and hissed, "Out." and then went out the door, slamming it behind him.

Ghostface stared after him for a second then laid out on the bed. He sighed and whispered to himself, "Asshole."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The rest of the slashers just made Freddy...pissed off. Never in all his life...he had gotten them a vacation, hadn't he? And even better than that, a _free _vacation. So what was their beef? Freddy sighed. He didn't know. And he didn't care.

He just kept walking and walking...and walking. Until finally he came to room 237 then for some reason he felt like stopping. Hmmm....this all seemed oddly familiar like something from a Stephen King movie or something...Freddy frowned and shrugged.

"Whatever." and opened the door, ignoring his better judgment. It was a relatively empty room but at the end of the room there was a bathroom. And in the bathroom there was a sink. But even more important than the sink there was a bathtub. And in the bathtub there was a naked girl taking a bath-I won't go into further detail; if you want to read/see more about it, go watch the Shining-Freddy smiled.

Just as he took a step closer to her, she rose out of the bathtub as an ugly old woman. Freddy's smile abruptly faded and he jumped back. "Saggy old lady boobs!" he yelled as he tripped and fell on his ass. She came closer to him, laughing wickedly.

Freddy quickly regained his footing and ran out the door, slammed it and locked it. Even though the door was closed, the old woman's evil laughter still echoed throughout the hall. He backed away from the door slowly then turned and ran down the hall.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason glared at Michael. _I really don't understand the words that aren't coming out of your mouth, idiot. You just sound like a loon._

Michael sighed and slapped his forehead-why was it so hard for him to be understood? Was he really just that intelligible? Besides, he had explained the story clearly enough. _Two chicks...in the hall. They were all like, 'Come play with us forever and ever and ever' and I was all like, 'No way, Olsen twins! 'Cause they looked like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, you know?_

Jason shook his head; no. He didn't know. Not at all. Instead he just stared at Michael and communicated silently, _I think that you're nuts-_

He shook his head vigorously and pointed to the door. _C'mon, I'll show you._

Jason shrugged and followed him out the door of the room.

Michael led Jason down a hall then another...then another until they came to the exact spot where he had seen the girls. He stopped walking, turned to Jason and pointed down the hall. Jason's eyes grew wide. Michael nodded.

_I know. Creepy, right?_

Jason shook his head and pointed to the end of the hall, his hand shaking. _T-those aren't little girls!_

And Michael turned. There, in the last bedroom in the long hall, with the door wide open, where two men. One was dressed in a fine suit and sitting on a bed. The other in a bear suit. The bear-man knelt at the end of the bed. As soon as Jason and Michael stopped and stared they slowly turned their heads in their direction.

Jason tugged on Michael's sleeve. _What the fuck is going on in this hotel?!_

He shrugged and backed away as the bear-man and suited man just sat there staring at them, not doing anything, just staring. _I think that it might have something to do with the fact that the hotel was built on an old Indian burial ground._

_Really?_

Michael shook his head and stared at Jason with sarcasm in his eyes. _No. For fake. Idiot._

And they both bolted the other way, down the hall.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface sat in the room feeling alone for the longest time then Michael and Jason burst in, their chests heaving and their eyes full of worry. "Where have you two been?"

Jason threw a piece of paper him. _Where's Kruger? We've got to get out of here!_

Michael nodded rapidly. _Yeah...bear, dog thing...guys in suits...sex parties-_

Ghostface rose to his feet. "I think that I like where this is going..."

Jason stared at him. _Where's Freddy?_

He shrugged and motioned to the door. "He just left a few...I dunno hours ago.

Michael: _Hours?!_

"I don't know...days maybe?" Ghostface asked looking from one to the other. Jason sighed and pulled on his sleeve. He began walking towards the door.

_We gotta go._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

In reality Freddy was steadily pacing from one end of the hotel lobby to the other, stroking his chin with concentration. "All work and no play...makes Freddy a dull, _dull _boy." he snickered wickedly, exposing the world to his charred teeth.

"Uh actually I think that the expression is, 'All work and no play makes _Jack _a dull dull boy." a voice said from behind him. Freddy whirled around and saw a man standing there, in the middle of the lobby...he looked astoundinly like...

"Jack Nicholson?" Freddy asked miraculously.

The man shook his head; "No. To my knowledge my name is Jack-"

"Hah!" Freddy exclaimed suddenly, "I knew it!"

The man shook his head. "No...Torrence. But um...hey. How you doin' mac? Got any kids or a wife or somethin'?"

Freddy shrugged and plopped down in one of the many chairs that was in the lobby. "No. But if it helps I do have a roommate whose kinda like a chick...his name's fuck fa-Ghostface. Why do ya wanna know?"

Jack Torrence shrugged and walked over to where Freddy sat, his hands behind his back. "Oh no reason...just that I gotta tell you to kill 'em-"

"Kill them!"

He nodded. "Oh yeah. Didn't you hear? Murder is the new black."

Freddy stared at him in a puzzled way. "What does that even mean?"

"You know what? I really have no clue..." he looked up at the ceiling as he lost his train of thought. In a few seconds he had it again, though and was speaking rapidly, "Now listen here buddy. You got friends-"

"_Roommates!_"

"Yeah, yeah. Roommates...gay lovers. What the fuck ever, man. Anyway, you gotta do it man...think about it. What good have they ever done you?"

Freddy thought and thought and...you guessed it, thought some more...the time Ghostface had made him perform an exorcism, when he had to break Michael out the clink...when Jason had picked a fight with him. Finally he crossed his arms and said angrily, "Nothing."

Jack nodded eagerly as Freddy's anger rose. "Yeah. Exactly! So what are we gonna-"

"I gotta do it...gotta kill them..." Freddy muttered, his eyes now glazing over and becoming wide and crazy-looking. Jack cracked a smile and chuckled nervously. He began to slowly inch away from Freddy.

"Yeah...you do that...jeez they don't pay me enough for this-" and just like that he was gone. In a few seconds Ghostface burst into the room with something hidden behind his back. Jason and Michael followed behind him.

Jason looked around the room suspiciously. _What the hell's been going on around here?_

Freddy shrugged, looking at them with his crazy eyes. He said in an oddly hurried and exaggerated voice, "What? What's wrong with what? Huh? The hotel or what? Huh? What's our beef with life Voorhees? Huh?"

Jason shrugged and looked at the floor, his shoulders slumped. _I really don't know._

Ghostface sighed and from behind his back he brought out a baseball bat as Freddy jumped up from his chair and took a step towards them. "You never told us what happened here...that there was a dude who murdered his wife and children with an Axe!"

Michael looked from one person to the other and thought, _Well it's not like any of us asked..._

Jason sensed his thoughts and glared at him. _No one asked you, Myers!_

"Shut up!" Freddy yelled at them before he turned back to Ghostface. "You've had your whole miserable lives to think things over, you idiots! YOU'RE WHOLE FUCKING LIFE!!! What good is a few extra minutes gonna do you?"

Ghostface turned to Jason. "What the fuck is he talking about?"

Jason: _No clue._

Freddy suddenly lunged forward. Ghostface swung the bat but missed horribly and the bat just ended up flying out of his hands. He and Freddy stared at each other for a second and then dove for the bat while Michael and Jason watched with amused gleams in their eyes.

"Give me the bat...Kruger!"

"Finders keepers asshole!"

"Fuck you!"

"Go to hell!"

They both punched and hit and stabbed at each other but Freddy snatched the bat, raised his arms and brought it down hard on Ghostface's head. Once he was sure that he wasn't moving anymore, Freddy backed away with a satisfied smile on his face. Jason glared at him.

_Y-you killed him!_

Freddy nodded insanely. "Yeah. But it's cool because he was like that annoying asshole in the movie who doesn't have a girl so he just goes around pulling pranks and being a douche bag...you know?"

Michael sighed exasperatedly. _Yeah but that douche bag payed one-fourth of the rent! God...what a jackass you are, Kruger!_

The crazy look came back in Freddy's eyes and he raised the bat again. "I'll kill you both! I swear-"

But he Michael and Jason were already out the door. Just as they left, slamming the door behind them, Ghostface sat up with a grunt, rubbed his head and he let out a curse. "What the-" and he raised up his index finger, looked at it oddly with his head cocked to the side and said in an affected voice, "REDRUM! REDRUM!"

Freddy scowled at him and raised the bat one more time. "Why won't you die?!"

But Ghostface wasn't listening anymore. He had gotten into a conversation with his finger. "Tony says that he dosne't-"

"God you're so dead fuck face." Freddy said as be brought down the bat again.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael and Jason ran through several halls, each of which had odd suited people with blood running down their faces...after a while it just got to be very repetitious. Finally Jason managed to lead Michael back to the room and lock the door. He looked around wildly then pointed at the tiny bedroom window.

_Climb out that window._

Michael shook his head. _No fucking way._

_Do it!_

_No!_

The sound of footsteps came down the hall. Jason glared at Michael and pushed him. Michael just crossed his arms but when there came a loud knocking at the door he thought, _Help me?_

Jason sighed. _Like you could do it yourself...it's not like you can actually function, right?_

And Michael quickly climbed on top of Jason's shoulders and crawled halfway out the window where he got stuck. He tried desperately to crawl out, flailing his legs in the air, nearly kicking Jason in the mouth.

Jason: _What's wrong?_

Michael: _I'm stuck!_

_Hold on...I'll help-_

Suddenly a shiny Axe cut into the wooden door and Freddy stuck his head in, a crazy gleam in his eyes. "Here's Johnny!"

Jason swallowed. _Shit._

Michael tried once again to crawl out. _What? Who is that? What's going on?_

Jason reached up and pushed hard on Michael and made him fly out of the window. Freddy finally found a way into the room just as he was crawling out. Freddy caught his ankle and pulled him back in.

Jason sighed. _Do your worst..._

Freddy just laughed and raised the Axe but Michael had stuck his head back in and was watching them. _Hey doesn't this all seem familiar?_

Freddy glanced at him. "How so?"

Michael shrugged. _I dunno. Like something from a movie...what was it called?_

_The Glistening? _Jason suggested. Freddy shook his head and stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"No, no...what is it? I know it...the The Shine....shine..."

Michael: _I suppose that we'll never know..._

Jason suddenly gave Michael a sideways look. _Why are you still here?_

He looked down at Freddy. _You know what? I have no clue... _and he got to his feet and bolted out of sight. Jason turned to Freddy.

_Well what now? _

Freddy shrugged. "I dunno. Jack Nicholso-Terrence says that I have to kill you. So uh yeah...this is pretty awkward."

_Yeah. Especially since I can't die. And speaking of such, what did you ever do to Ghostface?_

"You know, this and that. I mostly decided to leave it to the reader's imagination."

Jason nodded and looked down at his shoes. _Really? It seems just like laziness on the writer's part._

Freddy shook his head and leaned leisurely against the wall. "Nah. Why can't the reader even try to imagine something for a change? Jeez, how lazy must you be to complain about something like that-"

_I don't see your point._

"You seem to be forgetting that _I'm _the one with the Axe here, Voorhees. And now, just to piss people-mainly you-off, I'll give the indication of killing you then let it cut to Myers and his flight to freedom."

Jason rolled his eyes. _That sounded all so staged...God you're an idiot._

"Shut up."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael looked around and sighed. Was there nowhere to hide in this crack head hotel? It had begun to snow again and the temperature had begun dropping rapidly. He was just able to reach a gaint, shrub maze before Freddy burst out of the front doors of the hotel, panting and carrying a blood-stained Axe.

"Myyyyyyyyyyyyyers! Where are you?" Freddy yelled, his voice echoing. "It's too god damned cold to play hide-and-seek you prick..."

Michael ignored him and ran into the maze with Freddy traveling close behind, following his footsteps in the snow. They ran until they bumped into each other. Freddy staggered back and dropped Axe in the snow.

"Ow! What the fuck, Myers? I was just trying to find you!"

Michael rolled his eyes. _With an Axe?_

He nodded and rose to his feet, dusting his hat off all the while. "Well yeah. I mean, what else am I going to use that's just as deadly but not as heavy?"

He pointed to Freddy's razored fingers. _Hey! I have a great idea! How about you use those?!_

"Fuck you..." Freddy's voice trailed off as he glanced from his clawed hand to the Axe in the snow. "God what the fuck am I doing?"

_Trying to kill your roommates who, may I remind you, pay three-fourths of your rent._

His eyes became wide and he grabbed Michael's wrist and began to lead him out the maze. "Good God you're right...come on. We better go and make sure that Jason and Ghostface are okay so that we can get out of here..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_Uh huh. _Jason wrote, _So that's what happened, right?_

Michael nodded. _Yeah and you and Ghostface were passed out through all of it!_

Ghostface didn't show any sign that he had even heard him, just piped up, "REDRUM!!!"

Freddy sighed and rubbed his aching head. "So when did the doctor say that he was gonna stop doing that?"

Jason: _Within the next few-_

"Red-fucking-rum!"

_-week._

Freddy switched on the T.V. And stretched out on the couch. "At least we're home now. Boy have I learned my lesson."

Michael: _Which would be?_

"Never trust Jack Nicholson of course!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Thanks for reading. First off I'd just once again like to stress that I didn't want to offend any Rob Zombie fans with the last episode...so far there have been 30 something hits which makes it my most popular episode. I'm not here to offend you or anything. Whether or not you like Rob Zombie is your business and I will not discourage you from liking him; I'm sure that he's a very talented artist or whatever so don't send me mail that could potentially harsh my mellow saying stuff like, 'Rob Zombie rox so FuCk u!' or 'U have no talent so go 2 hell because u dont know anything'.

Usually I like to try and keep my personal opinions out of my writings so as not to offend or turn off any readers. And contrary to popular belief, I _do _in fact know something...I have just become aware this year-my sophomore year in high school-that 2 + 2= 4.

Secondly please be aware that as I am a teenager I do go to high school-unwillingly, mind you...if it was up to me, I'd have dropped out by now-and it's getting increasingly harder to publish episodes. This is mostly due to the unfortunate fact that I have to do the whole 'learning' and 'mental enrichment' thing and I also have to keep up with my mothers idiotic computer curfews.

It's just been really difficult. But I'm not complaining. Every time I feel overworked I just think, 'Two more years then I'm done with school altogether'. Since I'm a free loading hippie, I don't plan on getting a job. PEACE 3

BASED OFF OF STEPHEN KING'S THE SHINING...JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET THAT, I'M PUTTING IT IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS SO YOU DON'T THINK THAT I'M DUMB AND DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M WRITING ABOUT.


	19. Episode 19The Happiest Years of Forever

Episode 19-The Happiest Years of Forever

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface sighed loudly. Freddy didn't look at him but growled, "What the fuck is the matter, idiot?"

"I dunno. What isn't wrong?"

"Shut the fuck up you god damned pansy."

Next to them Jason rolled his eyes. _Will you both just-_

"Fuck you too Voorhees. Fuck you up the ass with something hard and sandpapery." Freddy said as he flipped rapidly through the T.V. Channels.

Michael: _To late; his mommy already did._

Jason: _Fuck you, Myers! Like your sister didn't rape you a few times...that's why you hate her so much, isn't it?_

_Go to hell!_

_Been there, thanks. Got out without anyones help unlike SOME people._

Freddy chuckled. "Hah Myers couldn't even get outta hell on his own...HAHA!"

Ghostface chuckled. "Ha. Yeah. Like how you had to trick Voorhees to get you out of hell, right Kruger? Or are those two things totally different?"

Everyone got quiet and stared from one talking killer to the other. Freddy didn't do anything, just sat there with glazed eyes. Finally he turned to Ghostface and said quietly, "What?"

Ghostface looked shrugged. "Just that you couldn't save your own skin even if you tried. I just mean that to get outta hell by yourself you'd probably have to give Satan himself a blow job and a kiss on the ass. Just saying, man."

Everyone began talking at once-or writing, whichever-and above the ramble of voices-Freddy's and Ghostface's-there could be heard a distinct proclamation; "Ghostface is the biggest queer in the whole fucking world...I wish he were dead...what the biggest waste of flesh and bone on the face of the earth."

Once again everyone grew silent and Ghostface's shoulders slumped. He sighed and glared at Freddy. "W-what did you-"

He shrugged and returned his attention to the T.V. "Say what? What did I say? I didn't say anything."

Jason elbowed Michael in the ribs. _Man that's cold._

Michael scooted away from him. _Voorhees don't touch me._

Ghostface just asked quietly, "You really-"

"You know what?" Freddy suddenly asked as he switched off the T.V. And turned to him, "Yeah. I do. I mean every single word. You suck, okay? Your movies didn't have a plot, you're culturally useless and the only reason that you're even staying here is because of the fact that Wes Craven directed both of our movies. Any other useless and otherwise idiotic questions?"

Everyone waited to see Ghostface's response. Then, finally, he nodded and scratched his head. "Man this is just like high school again."

They all looked at one another and their eyes became exceptionally bright. Jason sniffled. _ I didn't even make it to high school!_

Michael shook his head. _Neither did I! I was too busy being diagnosed...my whole childhood was spent in that big, white room with doctors staring at me!_

Freddy scoffed. "You guys are the lucky ones. High school was the biggest bitch that I've ever had to live through...and I've lived through a lot!"

Ghostface nodded and hugged his knees to his chest. "Yeah and all the popular people judging you...it's horrible! And then there's the girls and the different trees-"

Jason: _What do you mean 'different trees'?_

"Don't you know about the trees man?"

Both Jason and Michael shook their heads. Ghostface glanced at Freddy. "I think that it's time that Myers and Voorhees got schooled."

Freddy nodded. "Yeah. And do me a favor, will ya?"

"What?"

"Never say the word 'schooled' again."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

GHOSTFACE'S NARRATION

Alright. High school straight up sucked. In fact, the only halfway decent thing about it was the different trees...there was the Prep Tree by the cafeteria, the Loner Tree, the Band Tree and the Freak Tree. Needless to say that I was a die-hard occupant of the Freak Tree.

My worst day in high school still rings fresh in my head; it was an a rainy A day. I was just sitting in Geometry when I felt the paper ball hit my head and heard the vengeful snickers coming from behind me. Like the hundreds of times before, I tried to ignore them but I just couldn't help it when I opened the note.

"Hey...Roman!" one of the pretty popular girls called from behind him. I swallowed and turned around, trying to look uncaring. I failed at it miserably.

"What?!"

"Hey..." now it was a top-of-the-line jock talking to him. Behind him some of his other popular friends chortled and giggled. "Hey weird kid!"

I tried so hard not to roll my eyes but it just kind of happened. "What?"

"Hey Molly wants to know if you wanna go out with her."

I just shook my head and turned around in my desk, trying to ignore the insistent laughter behind me. Up in the front of the class, in front of the chalkboard, the Geometry teacher was lecturing about certain mathematical structures and whatnot.

My mind had started wandering when, "Roman Bridger...where is Roman?"

My head shot up from my desk, from the page that I had been so candidly doodling. "Huh?"

The teacher cleared her throat and motioned to the board. "The problem Bridger, the problem!"

I looked up at the board; A–X(Y[2b+38670x-91t]) 48758b(22b)=b—x(y(x)9)

"Uh...what now?"

She snapped, "The problem, mister Bridger! The problem!"

"Oh," I said as I jumped to my feet, "right. The problem."

As I hurried to the front of the class more laughter came from the back of the room. I swallowed as I approached the board and picked up a piece of chalk and stared up at the problem. "Let's see..." I muttered to myself as I desperately tried to think of what the answer could be.

Finally the teacher stepped forward and grabbed the chalk from his hands. "Now mister Bridger listen closely; first you must multiply Y by 2b then you must take that answer and divide it to the 2d quadrant in the third dimension and take that and subtract it buy 5. And questions so far?"

I quickly shook my head. "No ma'am."

She nodded and then continued, "Good. Because you must take the number subtracted by 5 and simplify that by 5 to the 8th time of 3 and then take that and write the words, 'One two Freddy's coming for you' in Japanese, mail it to the imaginary town of Haddonfield, Illinois, and wait three to six weeks for someone to decipher it and get a response back then-"

"But Mrs. Evans isn't that a different-"

"Diligence mister Bridger! Diligence! Now-" she held out the chalk to him, "Solve the problem."

I sighed and took the chalk and turned back to the Satan-problem. Just as I put the chalk to the board in the most feeble attempt in my life of solving a mathematical expression, the bell rang. Everyone else in the class groaned; of course they had wanted the freaky Freak Tree dude to epically fail at solving a problem. Who wouldn't?

After Geometry it was lunch. I quickly made my way over to my table by the Freak Tree and threw my stuff on the ground as was customary-why would any one, freak or not, value their parent's hard-earned money? One of my friends, a young, dark-haired chick named Uhmandu greeted me by wrapping her arms around my thin and starved waist and holding me as close as she might a puppy.

She smiled up at me with a smile that was truly disgustingly happy. "Hey Roman Nose." she giggled, reached up and plucked his nose lightly. "Whatcha been up to?"

I sighed moodily as I sat down at the table in a feeble attempt to detach her from me and laid my head on the table. "Ensuring that my life is worth less than a pile of chocolate dog shit. You."

She frowned and laid her head on my shoulder as some more of our friends came and sat at the table with their lunch trays full of that gross cafeteria food that looks like dried, crusty oatmeal but is really pizza.

"What's wrong Roman Nose?"

I shrugged but didn't lift my head up from the table. "Nothing...say Uhmanduh, can I ask you something?"

She nodded. "Sure sweetie."

"Why do you spell your name like that?"

There was silence at the table for a second before another voice broke in, that of my half emo, half gay friend Sanders. He was an obnoxious boy but really did seem to like me. "Heeeeeey Roamie. How's it hangin'?" he asked as he opened his milk, his black-painted nails glistening in the sun.

I looked over at him and held out my hand. "Gimme."

"What? My dick up your ass?" Sanders asked and laughed his loud and obtrusive laugh. "In your dreams Roamie...unless..."

Uhmanduh glared at him and hugged me to her so that I could barley breath. "Leave him alone!"

I wrestled out of her grip and yelled, "All I want is your god damned milk, Sandie! Besides," I added in an undertone, "I really don't need this whole thing, you know?"

Uhmanduh's grip loosened a little and Sanders stared at him. "What do you mean baby?" they asked together. I sighed and glanced down at my heavily scared wrists.

"I mean that this whole thing...it's creepy. We're not gonna have an orgy because there aren't that many of us and there isn't gonna be any three-ways."

They just stared at me in a puzzled way until I finally got up, slung my stuff on my back and mumbled, "Forget it. I'll see you guys later." and left to go to the bathroom. Once I found my way into the bathroom I ignored the other guys-mostly prep guys with the occasional freak-and slammed the stall door shut.

Once I was in there I dug in my book sack and brought out a razor. I pressed it to my wrist and slid it across, relishing the blood that spurt out of the cut.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

They all stared at him for a second then Freddy burst out laughing and exclaimed, "WHAT?! Emo boy, emo boy! Hah, what a loser!"

Jason rolled his eyes; _Attention whore is more like it. Damn pansy._

Michael just looked down at his shoes with an amused expression in his eyes. _Wow. You were right you guys...that was just horrible-_

"Oh shut up. It was bad. But neither you or Voorhees could understand that...you were both spoiled as Christ."

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Shut up Ghostface. You act like you're the victim of...well life. So why don't you just shut the living fuck up? We're sick of hearing you complain. And...wait, did you just say that your name was Roman Bridger?"

Ghostface nodded. "Yep. Didn't you see Scream 3? I directed the two dudes in the first movie to-"

"That's a gay plot. Stop talking about it." Freddy said as he reached for the remote. Jason grabbed his hand. "Voorhees what the hell are you doing?"

_What about you? He just poured out his guts and you're just going to sit there and not say a thing?_

He shrugged but released the remote. "Yeah. So?"

Michael glared at him. _Wow. You really are an asshole, aren't you?_

Freddy paused before saying, "I lied, alright? Just to be included in the moment...believe it or not mister Kruger was pretty popular in his day. Plenty of fine chicks to rape..."

Jason: _And that made you popular?_

He shook his head. "Hell no. But they were so high that the next day I was long gone and they were dead on the side of the road with a knife in their back. You get the picture. But hey, I'll play along and listen to more of your sob stories...they are so humorous after all."

Michael jumped up in his chair and raised his hand. _Oh, oh! Can I go next-_

Jason sighed. _Just shut up and write. _And he shoved some paper and a pen at Michael. He began writing.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

MICHAEL'S STORY

_Well I was really young before I killed my sister...in elementary school, as a matter of fact. I had just finished making the most lovely picture of a whore getting slaughtered by a knife-wielding psychopath...sounds familiar, doesn't it?_

_Anyways, I had just gotten up to show the teacher my exceptional work when I felt a disgusting spit ball hit the back of my head. I turned and saw two boys, twin brothers actually, standing there staring at me with smiled on their faces. I turned to the teacher and said, "Mrs. Teacher they just-"_

_The teacher turned and glared down at me. "What's wrong now, you little...why can't you just try and get along with the other children for at least two seconds?"_

_I shrugged and said as if it were obvious, "I want to kill every single one of them...like in my picture. See?" and I foolishly held up the gory picture. She took it from me and stared at it for a second and then she looked at me._

_"Wh-what did you say Michael?"_

_I didn't think that it was so bad so I said it again, this time so loud that every other kid in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at me. "I said that I want to kill them all and have their blood running through my fingers, to taste their fear and devour their souls like my master Satan."_

_The teacher glanced at the other students who were now fearfully staring at me and then she grabbed my shoulders and rushed me to the door. "Michael I think that it would be best if you went to see your counselor, Dr. Loomis now-"_

_"But I hate him; he's old, crazy and he is actually a psychotherapist. Mrs. Teacher Lady why are you making me see a psychotherapist?"_

_She didn't answer, just rushed me out the classroom and into the hall. She pointed in the direction of the consoler's office. "Go! And if you see the principal tell him that I need a raise...they don't pay me enough for this..." _

_And so with a not so heavy heart I made my way to the consoler's office or, more specifically, Dr. Loomis' office. I knocked on the door and he answered it, looking grim. "Ah Michael! What a pleasure to-"_

_"The teacher made me come." I muttered as I stepped into the office and sat down in one of his chairs. His false smile evaporated and he also sat down behind his desk._

_"Ah. Well. It doesn't much matter now, Michael, does it? What seems to be the problem this time?"_

_I looked down at my sneakers trying not to smile. "The teacher lady sent me in here because I said that I wanted to cut all of their throats and-"_

_"Whose throats Michael? Be specific?"_

_"The other kids' throats...they all make me so mad that-"_

_"Up! Remember what we talked about, Michael. Take slow, deep breaths."_

_I rolled my eyes but did as he said. It just seemed to work better that way. When I was done and Doc Loomis had given me the okay I continued. "And what really pisses me off is when they call my sister a slut. Just because she sleeps with every guy in school that doesn't make her a slut."_

_He nodded. "Uh huh. And how does that make you feel."_

_I shrugged. "I dunno. Pissed off I guess."_

_Loomis shook his head. "Language Michael, language."_

_"Fine it makes me so angry that I just want to rip their throats out and-"_

_"Yeah, yeah. That's nice." Loomis said. He opened his mouth to say something else but the bell rang. I jumped up and got my books together._

_"Well guess I better go." and before he could stop me I was out the door and on my way out to the bus._

_One thing that you must understand about me is this; I didn't choose my family. If I could have made a choice, I would have preferred that I'd never been born. You see the main problem is that my sister was a slut who was favored by my mother. In fact, everyone was favored over me, even Laurie, the baby of the family. Everyone knew it so they seemed to all take out their frustrations on me, even the kids at school._

_As I walked out to catch the bus two kids cornered me, the same twins from class. They glanced at each other then took a step towards me. "Hey Myers. How's it hangin'?"_

_The other twin laughed. "Like he would know...Myers is a girl, didn't you know?"_

_I glared at them and tried to take a few deep breaths but they just wouldn't leave me alone. They stepped behind me and slapped me on the back. "What's wrong Mikey? Isn't your psychotherapist man supposed to be helping you with that...anger problem?"_

_"I don't have an anger problem asshole." I hissed under my breath. "And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't touch me."_

_"Oh." one of twins tapped me lightly on the head and chuckled. "What's wrong, Myers? I thought that you liked other dudes touching you-"_

_Suddenly I snapped and for the first time-yes the actual first time-lashed out physically at someone. I threw my binder at his head and smacked the other twin in the face. The other kids who had gathered around gasped and called out for help._

_"Help! Help! He's killing my brother!" one of the twins screeched as I wrapped my hands around his brother's throat._

_Just as the boy began to turn purple, a teacher finally managed to make their way over and haul me to my feet. "Dr. Loomis! Get Dr. Loomis! Michael has killed a boy!"_

_I looked down and discovered that the boy was indeed deader than anything that I've ever seen at that point in my life...but suddenly his chest began once again to rise and fall. He wasn't dead after all but wounded. A certain satisfaction filled me as the teacher dragged me away._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Like before everyone was silent then Freddy spoke up. "Wow. So uh...you killed-"

_Seriously wounded._

"Oh. Right. Well then you 'seriously wounded' a dude when you were in elementary school?"

Jason stared at Michael with something of admiration in his eyes. _You never told me that._

He shrugged. _I think that some things are better left unsaid. Is that so wrong?_

There was another moment of silence and everyone stared at Ghostface. "Well?" Freddy asked him, "What are you gonna say? You know that you wanna say something..."

Ghostface was silent for another second then he jumped forward and wrapped his arms around Michael. "That only makes me love you more! Oh my God, you're perfect!"

And Michael just sat there and sighed. _At least someone likes me for me. What am I gonna do about that?_

Jason shifted uneasily in his seat. _I sure wish that-_

"No one cares Voorhees! Now shut up and stop glaring at the floor. At least your life and mine weren't as bad as theirs." Freddy said as he pointed at Ghostface and Michael.

Ghostface somehow managed to nod despite the fact that his face was firmly pressed against Michael's chest. "Yeah but you know what I can't help thinking?"

Though Jason still seemed sullen he wrote, _What?_

"Maybe if people weren't so mean then we wouldn't have as many psychopaths in the world, you know? Maybe if we all didn't judge each other we could all just be peachy."

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Yeah and everyone would braid flowers in their hair, build up a campfire and dance around it barefooted and singing Kum By Ya. What a loser! Jeez, can't you please try and be not gay for once in your useless life?"

Jason nodded. _Yeah. What's up with that? I was teased to as a kid...I mean I was teased a lot. _

Michael glanced at him as he patted Ghostface on the head and tried feebly to pry him off. _Oh goody. Are you going to spill your guts too only to have Freddy laugh at you? Just give it up. This has been a fun two hours but I have to go take a shower now...all of this 'love' stuff is beginning to make my skin crawl._

Jason shook his head. _I'd rather not. My childhood was bad enough. Just ask Freddy. Some things are better left unsaid._

"Oh yeah, real nice, Voorhees!" Freddy suddenly yelled.

_What?_

"Just yesterday you were telling me how pansy assed it is to leave stuff to the imagination and now...BOOM! Look who's on the imagination train now!" he exclaimed as Michael got free of Ghostface's grip and began to walk to the bathroom. Ghostface hurried after him and pounced on his back.

"C'mon you just said-"

_Just shut up and come on...if they see us we'll never live it down. And don't go expecting this to be a permanent thing, either. The only reason why it's happening at all is because I'm in a need-to-be-loved mood right now._

Ghostface glanced back at Freddy and Jason as Michael walked into the bathroom. Jason glared at Freddy. _Fuck you asshole! I never said-_

"Why don't you just shut up already and get your mother to beat me up! We all know that that's the only way that you can beat me!"

_Why don't you get Myers to do your bidding? Everyone saw how you were staring at him!_

"Asshole!"

_Bitch!_

"Fuck you!"

_Go to hell!_

They both stared at each other for another second as if they were trying to read each other's thoughts then Freddy sighed and plopped down on the couch. "I hate you all...so, so much."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why the sudden change in sexuality for Michael? I have no clue. I mostly just type stuff down as I think it. Perhaps it may have had something to do with the fact that while typing this I was listening to some lovey-dovey anime-Ouran High School Host Club to be exact. Hated it but what can I say? Those gay twins turn me on. And Michael himself gets me pretty hot and bothered as well. *obvious favoritism* O_o

Hey, horror movie killers need love too...especially if they're dudes. It always seems that dudes are extra horny, no offense.

Anyway enough about all that. Next episode shall be horror movie related, I promise. Just wanted to add my own imaginary twists onto Michael and Ghostface's childhoods. Why? Because if Rob Zombie can do it, why can't I? The reason why I decided not to include Freddy's childhood trauma is mostly because you can imagine it for yourself-write your own fanfiction about it, perhaps hmmm and outlandish idea, no?-and as for Jason's childhood...well you can just take a look at Friday the 13th or Freddy vs. Jason to get a good feel of that.

And yes, Uhmanduh is really the normal 'Amanda' with a twist...can you believe that I actually know a real-life chick who spells her name like that? She even has it engraved on the back of her book sack but don't get me wrong, she's still pretty cool.


	20. Episode 20EVICTED: Part I

Episode 20-EVICTED: Part I

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Son of a fucking...where's the god damned remote?!" Freddy howled as he got on his knees and peered under the couch.

Jason: _Maybe it's where you left it; up your ass!_

"Oh why don't you just go fuck yourself, asshole?" Freddy growled as he began crawling on the floor on his hands and knees. "Where the hell could it be-"

Ghostface suddenly shouted, "I got it! I got it!" and held the remote up victoriously in the air. When Freddy reached for it he clutched it closely to his chest and shook his head. "Nu-uh. Ghostface gets to pick what to watch."

Michael glared at him. _Why should we let you pick?_

"Because not only am I the one who found it but-"

"You fucking bitch! You didn't _find _it, you had your big ass planted on it!" Freddy yelled as he lunged for the remote. Ghostface tumbled over the couch with the remote clutched tightly in his hand.

"You're never getting this remote Kruger!"

Jason sighed. _Why don't we all just shut the fuck up and-_

Michael: _Why don't you just shut up, Voorhees? This isn't even about you so stay out of it!_

Jason rolled his eyes. _I don't even talk so screw you Myers. _

Michael stifled a laugh. _We all know that you'd like to but I don't roll like that._

They both glared at each other then Michael pulled out his knife and Jason his machete and they both began hacking senselessly away at each other while Freddy and Ghostface shouted. This lasted for about 10 minutes until a loud knocking came at the door. They were all silent for a second then stared at each other.

Freddy swallowed. "Well...whose gonna go get it?"

Ghostface shook his head. "I'm not getting it." then he glanced at Jason and Michael who still held their bloody weapons. "How about you guys?"

Jason shook his head quickly. _No way._

Michael did the same; _Nope._

Freddy stared at all of them for another second then jumped to his feet and proclaimed, "I'll get it if you guys are to pansy assed to do it!"

"Fine. Then do it." Ghostface prodded.

He nodded. "Fine. I will."

"Good."

"Peachy."

"Excellent."

"Yeah," Freddy agreed, "excellent."

Jason pointed at the door with impatience. _WILL ONE OF YOU JUST PLEASE-_

"Fine, fine. Cool your jets Voorhees. I'm getting to it...excuse me Myers." Freddy said as he jumped over the slouching lump that was Michael and made his way over to the door. He opened it with little hesitation and nearly laughed at what he saw; a girl no older than 19 years standing there holding a slip of paper. He smiled and patted her on her head.

"What can mister Kruger do for you today little girl?"

She swatted his hand away and forced some official-looking papers into his hands. "Sorry sir but due to numerous recent complaints of the occupants in the other rooms on the floor you and the rest of your roommates have been evicted."

Freddy's smile faded and in a second every other killer was standing behind him, staring eagerly at the girl. "Bu...but you can't just-"

"Actually I can. My father owns the hotel so I can pretty much do what I want." the girl said as she backed away from the room. "But please note that I didn't just choose for this to happen to you guys, it was your neighbors."

Michael: _Like who?_

She shrugged. "Like literally everyone; this one clown dude named Bob Grey-"

"PENNYWISE!!!" Freddy exclaimed murderously. She chuckled awkwardly and then twisted some of her platinum blond hair between her fingers.

"Yeah sure. Whatever. And there was another one named John Kramer-"

Jason: _JIGSAW!!!_

"No really." she said, "You guys should let people finish their sentences."

Michael took the papers from Freddy's hand and read them over then wrote something and passed it to the girl; _How long do we have to get out?_

She crumpled up the note and shrugged. "I dunno...like as soon as you can. Your room is already on rent for the next dude. I think that his name is something like...what was it?"

"Thomas Brown Hewitt?" Ghostface suggested. She shook her head and Jason rolled his eyes.

_Why would Leatherface take our room when he lives in Texas?_

"I dunno but it seemed to make perfect sense!" Ghostface exclaimed.

"No. It was something more like...Pinass or Pins for Brains-" the girl started but Freddy interrupted her again.

"PINHEAD! THAT FUCKING BASTARD!" Freddy yelled.

She sighed impatiently. "Yeah but listen. You just keep insisting upon interrupting me so I really don't like you. I'm just gonna say that if you don't get out before Pin Idiot gets here then my daddy will press charges and have all your asses sent to jail."

This answer surprised Michael. _Really? You're allowed to do that?_

She once again shrugged and whipped out her cell phone. "Hang on...someone's calling me."

Freddy slapped the back of Ghostface's head as she turned around to answer her phone. "Hang it up!"

"But I-"

"Now!"

"But-"

"Huh." she muttered. "That's weird. The number is unlisted...hey wait a minute-" she whirled around to face them again and pointed at Ghostface who was now hiding his phone behind his back. "Aren't you that dude from...what was it called? Shriek? Yell?"

Ghostface seemed disappointed. "Scream."

Her eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! That's what it's called! Yeah I didn't really like that movie that much...I mean the first scene of _When A Stranger Calls _was a lot better. 'Have you checked the children lately?' How creep tastic is that?"

Jason seemed disgusted. _'Creep tastic'? I'm so done with this entire place..._

"Yeah. Good times, good times. But seriously you guys have to go, like, now. My daddy says so along with this entire floor of weirdos that live up here."

Michael seemed to ooze sarcasm-I don't know why, but doesn't it sound sexy?-as he wrote, _What if we don't?_

She just smiled wickedly. "We'll make you leave."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy and the others stood on the outside of the apartments with what little luggage that they had managed to save at their feet. "Well I guess this is the end of the road for our little quartet guys."

Jason glanced down at him as he adjusted one of his bags under his arm. _Quartet? Really?_

He shrugged. "It does mean 'four' you know."

_I know what it means._

"Then stop acting like a two-year-old fucking retard Voorhees."

Ghostface sighed. "Maybe there was some truth to those complaints."

Michael glared at him. _It's all your fault anyway._

"What? How is it my fault?! You were the one that insisted upon...you two don't even talk do you?" Ghostface's voice was downtrodden and defeated.

Freddy tried to perk him up for some odd reason by saying, "I know that it wasn't my fault-"

Jason: _But your voice sounds like the screech of a thousand whores._

"-shut up Voorhees and don't interrupt your superiors. As I was saying, even though I know that it wasn't my fault, I can accept that we were kicked out. How bad can it be now? We've all been aching to get out of that hellhole since the day that we moved in so why not make the best of it?"

_Because Pinhead's got the room now. _Michael thought glumly. Freddy sighed.

"Yeah I know Myers but-hey did you just write that?"

Michael stared at him wide-eyed with wonder. _No. I just thought it...like I'm doing now. How odd. The only person who could hear my thoughts before was Jason. And that was only because he didn't talk either._

Jason: _Wow Michael. You must be crazier than we all thought if you're speaking your thoughts out loud!_

Ghostface gasped. "I can hear Jason!"

"No you can't. He just wrote that, he didn't think it." Freddy corrected him. "No one heard it, we all just read it. You see how that whole process works?"

Ghostface looked at the ground. "Yeah. I get it."

He nodded. "Good."

"Yeah."

"Excellent."

"Indeed."

"Delicious."

Ghostface looked back up at the apartment and said automatically, "Just like Michael's ass."

"Yeah just like-wait, what?!"

Jason looked from one to the other nervously. _Can we just go already?_

Michael, whose eyes were now wide again but for a different reason, swallowed. _Yeah I think that we'd just better hurry up and catch the bus._

Freddy looked back at the building one last time but nodded. "Yeah. I guess that we'd better go. C'mon you guys. We'd better catch a bus."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Not surprisingly everyone tended to stare at them as they climbed onto the bus and took their seats; Michael and Jason in one and Freddy and Ghostface in the other. It was a few miles before anyone dared to say-or think-much of anything. And of course it was Freddy who spoke first, like most other times before.

"So. We're going home."

Ghostface nodded and fingered his beloved knife. "Yep. Sure seems like just yesterday that we were sent to live in that place, huh?"

Jason looked out the window and thought, _God I'm so glad that I'm going home...can they hear me?_

Michael nodded dully. _Yes Voorhees. We can hear you._

"Yeah but I'm just sorry that we didn't even get to eat the pizza that I had ordered." Ghostface muttered as the bus sped past a hitchhiker. "Hey! Was that..."

"Wrong movie fuck face. This isn't The Hitcher." Freddy mumbled as he stretched out in the seat. Ghostface nudged him in the ribs.

"Don't do that! You're scrunching me up over here!"

"Hey man the boys need to breath!" Freddy protested at Ghostface pushed him against the side of the bus and tried to stretch out as well.

Jason turned around in his seat and looked at Freddy. _That is the most disturbing thing that I've __ever heard._

Michael nodded and looked from Ghostface to Freddy. _Yeah but they do make the cutest couple, huh?_

"Shut up Myers. You and Voorhees would make a hell of a couple too, so piss off. You know what? I actually can't wait until I'm back on Elm Street. It might be fun to knock off a few drunk and sex-crazed teens again. Who knows, maybe this might be a start of another sequel."

Ghostface pointed out, "But that's already happening...there is gonna be a remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street coming out soon. You'll end up just like Myers."

Freddy frowned. "Huh. Really? Well anyways, that's beside the point. I'm just gonna lay back and enjoy the ride."

Just as he finished saying this the bus hit a pothole and lurched up then down again, spilling their bags all over the bus floor. Jason stifled a laugh. _Nice job, Kruger! Karma, man, pure Karma._

"Shut up! I swear that I'll get you for this later...oh yeah. There isn't gonna be a later, is there? Huh. That's too bad." and for the first time in a very long time Freddy shut his mouth.

Ghostface was the first to get off as the bus stopped at a bus stop at Woodsboro. He looked around as if mystified and gathered his bags in his arms. "Wow. That was a fast bus ride."

Jason nodded. _Yeah but I didn't even know that the bus would come from San Antonio to here in Woodsboro. _

Ghostface shrugged passively as he began to walk to the front of the bus. "I don't see how it matters anyway. If you actually have a problem with those little nit-picking details then you're the one whose full of shit. Just saying. Guess this is it."

Michael looked out the window, not bothering to even meet his gaze. _Yeah. Goodbye for good you weirdo._

"Bye Myers."

_Bye._

"Yep."

_Totally. Aw shit, now you've got me doing it!_

The bus driver called from the front, "Come on! All ashore that's going ashore!"

Ghostface nodded and hopped off the bus. Freddy just stared at him feeling utterly...weird. Ghostface had been the only other killer that talked in the whole house. Now everything was all quiet and boring. He sighed and adjusted his hat so that it covered his eyes and then he heard Jason's thoughts; _That's right Kruger. Hide the tears in your eyes. Don't worry, something tells me that you'll see your true love again one day._

"Fuck you Voorhees. Fuck you."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Next to get off was Michael. Once the bus stopped right outside of Haddonfield he hopped up and thought, _See you guys later...oh wait, I won't! _He seemed utterly delighted at this prospect.

Jason seemed almost let down as he thought back, _How will you get to Haddonfield? Isn't this Smith's Grove?_

He nodded as he slung one of his bags over his shoulder. _Yeah. I'll probably just end up killing a truck driver or something and steal his ride. After all, I can drive. You know how those kinds of things work out, don't you? _

Freddy smiled. "Yeah. We know how it is. Now piss off Myers. We're sick of seeing you face."

Involuntarily Michael touched his white mask. _Huh. _He thought as he walked off the bus. _Maybe I need a new one._

Once he was gone Jason glanced at Freddy. _Can you really hear my thoughts?_

He shrugged. "Not every single one...just the ones that you want me to hear."

_But I don't want you to hear any of them!_

"Too bad. Suck it up, you big pansy."

_Why don't you suck it up, Kruger. God I hate you so much..._

Freddy was silent for a second before he asked, "So...your mother. You gonna get her to come after me again?"

Jason looked at him oddly. _No...maybe. Why. You're not scared of her are you?_

"No! Of course not. Maybe a little, yeah."

_Don't worry. I'm a little scared of her too. I mean I love her but I'm still scared of her. _Jason thought as he looked back the window.

The bus was off again, zooming past tall trees. "Huh." Freddy muttered. "That's weird."

_What?_

"Where did you say that Camp Crystal Lake was again?"

He shrugged. _I dunno. I don't think that I did. Besides, I don't talk remember?_

Apparently it wasn't far away because in a few more hours they came to a halt beside a giant wooden arch that read in crude letters, _Camp Crystal Lake...the body count is still rising!_

Jason jumped to his feet, got his bags and hastily exited the bus, his last thought being, _I hope that no one is skinny dipping in my lake..._

Just before Jason slunk out of sight Freddy couldn't help but stick his head out the bus window and call, "Hey! Wait! Voorhees?"

Jason turned and glared at him as if he thought that he might be falling into some kind of trap. _What?_

"Why don't you ever talk?

Freddy could just barley hear the answer as the bus pulled out and began to accelerate; _It's just better that way._

And Freddy was left alone on the bus to just stare out the window. He sighed and tapped his clawed hand on the seat in front of him. Yep. Things were definitely, inescapably over. Pinhead had won and he had lost. Freddy smiled bitterly as he thought back to the thing that he had said when he had been living with Pinhead; _There, you see? I win. I always win._


	21. Episode 20EVICTED: Part II

Episode 20-EVICTED: Part II

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Elm Street. It wasn't as...BANG! As it used to be. Freddy sighed as he thought back to the days he had spent in number 3113 Wimbleton Apartments. Had it really been only a mere two weeks ago that he had been evicted? He didn't know. One usually tended to lose count in the Dream Realm.

The Dream Realm. It was his classic dream-or nightmare-kingdom where the teenagers went when they fell asleep. The past few weeks had been nirvana where killing was concerned but hell where actual 'social interaction' was concerned. He sighed and scraped his claws along some of the pipes that seemed to be everywhere in his Dream Realm.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere in particular, a young, brunette girl ran screaming in front of him then disappeared behind some pipes. Freddy sighed and scratched his head with his clawed hand. "Hey? Who is there?"

She didn't answer, just stood trembling in her nightgown behind in the pipes. Freddy became irritated now. "Who the fuck is it?! If you don't answer then I swear I'll-"

She came out with her hands on her hips and a puzzled expression on her face. "Like, what the fuck are you gonna do?"

He stared at her just as equally confused. "Huh? What are you talking abou-"

"Aren't you gonna, like, kill me or something?" she asked as she took a step nearer him. Freddy sighed tiredly and rubbed his eyes.

"I just _don't care, _okay? Go ahead, scream all you want. I'll get around to it eventually." and he turned to walk off but she wouldn't let him go.

"Boy. You sure aren't as scary as the others said. Wait-you're Freddy Kruger!"

He rolled his eyes and gave her a sarcastic bow. "No shittin' Sherlock."

She glared at him and said vehemently, "You asshole! You killed my boyfriend!"

He frowned and thought back. "Wait...was that the one that looked like Johnny Depp?"

She looked confused all over again and shook her head. "No. I-"

"Then you can die now. You're no longer any use to me." and he stabbed her with his claws. She dropped onto the floor and a puddle of blood began to seep from her wound. Freddy adjusted his hat on his head and sighed. "Great. Just like old times...just like old times..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason sighed as he sat at the bottom of Camp Crystal Lake with his arms crossed over his chest. Bubbles came out of the little holes in his hockey mask where his mouth and nose was as he looked up at the rippling surface of the lake with a bored look in his eyes.

This was totally and utterly...boring. What had he expected, though? A fun, thrilling life at the bottom of a lake? He rocked back and forth at the lake bottom, making the lake mud stir and fishes swim away.

_I don't remember it ever being this boring before. _He thought dully as his eyes once again scanned the placid lake surface.

Then, miracle upon miracles, the surface broke and a canoe floated into his point of view, causing a rippling effect on the entire surface. Jason perked up and swam a couple of strokes before he got out his machete and prepared to kill.

It was a girl and a boy about the ages of 19 and maybe 20. They were giggling and laughing stupidly, Jason's usual prey. The only difference between them and some of the other couples that Jason had knocked off the previous week was that this couple didn't seem to be stoned or wasted. Jason broke the surface of the lake silently, barley making a sound. The very top of his hockey mask was the only part of him visible for a second until he went under again and prepared to pounce.

"Oh Greg! Stop it!" the girl giggled as the boy reached under the water and splashed her.

Jason smiled under his hockey mask; _Even if I did let them go they'd get sick-this water is the most toxic thing on the face of the Earth so technically I'm doing them a favor._

Just as the boy reached into the lake again Jason's hand shot out of the water and drug him under. The boy didn't even have that much time to struggle before Jason skewered him with his machete and sent his corpse up to the surface. The girl who was still in the canoe screamed.

"Oh my God! Greg? Greg are you okay?"

_Of course he's not okay you bitch, _Jason thought, _his name is 'Greg'. He was doomed to get murdered anyway. _

The girl stupidly leaned over the canoe and peered into the water. Jason rolled his eyes. _To easy. _And slowly came up from behind her, raised his machete, and stabbed her in the abdomen all the while thinking, _How cliché...how boring._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface plopped down on the couch and whipped out his cell phone. It only rang for a few seconds before he was laughing falsely and saying into it, "Haha. No but seriously. What's your favorite scary movie?"

She paused before saying, "Before I answer I'd really like to know who's calling."

He said dully, "I'm the guy that guts you like a fish."

She sounded startled. "What?"

"Nothing. I just said that I was wondering if you had a boyfriend...you don't have a boyfriend, do you?"

Now she giggled. "No. But who want to know?"

"I want to play a game." he said as he brought his knife out of his sleeve.

"Hm. What kind of game. You know that I'm not into kinky games like that."

Ghostface shook his head as he watched the girl walk from one end of her kitchen to the other. How was it that people were unable to see him? Were they really just that stupid or was he just that ingenious? He preferred the second answer but still...he was just inside this chick's living room. If she would just turn her head a little to the left she would see him...stupid teenagers. He hated them. They almost made the game-dare he say it?-not fun.

She turned around at suck an angle that she was looking straight at him as he lounged there on her couch. She didn't put down the phone as she said, "Oh you know what? I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to call you back. There's some dude with a cell phone sitting on my couch. See ya."

Ghostface slapped his forehead and looked up at the ceiling. _Are people really just that stupid? _he wondered. His answer? Yes. Yes they were. "Okay." he said as he got to his feet and brandished his knife, "Let me explain how this works; I sneak into your house in the dead of night, find somewhere crafty to hide so that you'll never find me, call you on your phone, scare you then kill you. See how that works, princess?"

She looked oblivious. "What? I was just waiting for my boyfriend Brady to come over so we can-"

Ghostface sighed and nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I know, okay? I got it already! You kids just go around each other's houses begging for sex. Especially you chicks. You just go prancing around in your skin-tight Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch shirts and pants...it's so frustrating."

Through all of this the girl just looked down and observed her long and perfect nails. When she was quite sure that he was done she looked up and asked tiredly, "So is that it? Are you gonna try and kill me or what?"

He shrugged and ran his knife between his fingers. "I dunno. Maybe maybe not. I'm just been so _tired lately._ No, that isn't the word. The word is...oh what's the word? Oh yeah! Uncaring. Yeah I've been so uncaring lately. I mean on kill is the same as another and-"

"God if I wanted all of this useless talk I could've gone to Freddy Kruger's place." she mumbled.

Ghostface snapped at her, "And just what is that supposed to mean? I come through all of the trouble of looking up your number, stalking you and putting up with your crap for this?"

"Well maybe if you were a half decent killer then you could actually-"

"Shut up!" Ghostface screeched.

"No!"

"Go to hell bitch!"

"Fuck you."

"Goddamn it!"

"Yeah."

Ghostface opened his mouth to say something else but stopped and stared at her. "Wh...what did you just say?"

She glared at him. "I said 'yeah'."

He nodded solemnly and a brief memory of him and Freddy talking flashed before his brain as he lunged forward and jammed his knife into her flesh. As she dropped to the ground he sighed and thought, _I wasn't cut out for this._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael sighed and looked down at his shoes as he heard a rat scurry by. What was he to do? It was at least two months until Halloween and even when Halloween did come what would he do then? Run around Haddonfield in his white mask and jumpsuit stalking the same old group of teenagers? Then get shot, stabbed, hit over the head a few times then die only to be reincarnated the next day and have it all happen again the following Halloween? Hell to the no.

But still he wished that something would come up...some intruders or rouge bikers that he could slaughter. He sighed and shifted in his seat. His eyes wandered around the old basement of his home. It was dingy and just really bad for his sinuses but home all the same.

Michael lifted his mask so that he could sneeze and then rub his nose. Man, this sucked. This sucked worse than-he thought for a minute-Ghostface. Just as another rat scurried on top of his shoe, Michael jumped to his feet.

_If I'm going to spend the rest of my life bored, I might as well do it watching T.V. _He thought as he climbed up and out of the cellar. As soon as he was in the dusty kitchen he peered eerily out the window and saw a bright flash and heard an eager news reporter shout, "I got him! I got the shot!"

Michael sighed and ran his fingers through his hair; _Why can't they just leave me alone?_

Another reporter tackled the first one and shouted, "Where's the shot?! Where is Michael Myers?!"

The first reporter pointed to the window that Michael was peeking out of. "He's in there, see?"

As soon as he said this a whole crowd of news reporters were buzzing around outside of Michael's home. He shook his head and took a step away from the window before any of the other reporters could get a decent shot; _And they wonder why I kill...they just wonder what makes me so __pissed off. _

Then as he walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch a single thought ran through his head; _I've got to get out of here, or at least go back to the asylum._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"So what?" Freddy muttered to himself as he stepped off the bus for the final time and peered up at the window of 3113 Wimbleton Apartments. It had been a long ride; all the way from Elm Street to San Antonio, just to get one last glimpse of the apartment complex. Freddy glared up at it and hissed to himself, "It's _my _place...it's _mine..._"

He walked a few paces before making out a to familiar figure in the crowd...he sighed and went up to the black cloaked figure. "Ghostface."

He nodded and picked up the bags that were at his feet. "You just couldn't stay away could you Kruger?"

"You couldn't either."

"So what?"

He sighed. "You just can't stand staying away from this place, can you?" Ghostface asked as he crossed his arms over his bony chest. Freddy shook his head.

"It's just really boring, you know?"

Ghostface scoffed and acted as if he didn't know what he was talking about. "What? Boring? Please...just please. It's not-"

"Please what?" Freddy asked jokingly.

"It's not boring in the least...it's totally the opposite of getting up every morning and stalking down the same teens and killing them in the same bloody fashion...nothing like that at all."

Freddy nodded and swallowed as they both looked up at the apartment complex. "Yep. Nothing like that at all."

There was a long minute of silence before Ghostface finally admitted, "Okay. Maybe it's not the best way to make a living but I'm not doing anything to Pinhead that I might regret. I can't violate my parole."

Freddy rolled his eyes. "You are on parole? For what?"

"Oh dunno...possession of 'illegal' narcotics or some bullshit. One of the officers just saw a dude walking in a serial killer getup and figured that he was up to no good. What can I say? So what if I did have a few ounces of coke or weed on me? How should that effect everyone else?"

"Well how did you get out of the clink?" he asked as he looked down at the ground and jammed his hands down deep in his pockets.

"Some chick bailed me out. Claimed that she was my number one fan. I was grateful. Those prisons are murder you know. But there's no way that I'm violating my parole."

"Really? What's a few more dead bodies? If there are no survivors then-"

"Well yeah but killing people makes baby Jesus cry. Didn't you know?" Ghostface asked as he brought a cigarette and lighter out of his baggy sleeves. He lit up, inhaled deeply and shuddered.

Freddy nodded. "Yeah that's all fine and dandy but honestly Jesus is dead and-"

"Jesus loves me."

"Okay but-"

"If I were a chick Jesus would love me every day of the week and twice on Tuesday. That's how awesome he is. The Christians down at the Woodsboro church told me so."

"Yeah. I get it, okay? But you gotta listen. I-"

"No you listen Kruger. I can understand if you're all peachy keen when it comes to killing and murder but I'm not into it. Besides, the economy's already bad enough. Imagine how much it would suck if we knocked off a few more stiffs."

Freddy sighed and threw his hands up into the air feeling utterly defeated. "Fine! That's just dandy! But I..." he sighed and turned away. It really was over then. If Ghostface wasn't willing to help, no one would be.

Just as he began to walk away Ghostface called, "Hey! Wait! Where are you going?"

"Away."

"How far?"

"Far."

"How far is far?"

"Really far."

"How far is really fa-"

"Really, really far, okay?! So far that not even you can find me to piss me off. Which reminds me, did you bring those bags to stay at some hotel over night or were you planning on standing up for yourself for once?" and Freddy turned around again and left Ghostface standing there in on the sidewalk with his cigarette in his hand.

It took a second to register with Ghostface. He looked down at the bags at his feet and in his arms and dropped the cigarette. "No! To be quite honest I was hoping that Freddy Kruger would be here to bail me out! He was the only one of the four of us that actually wouldn't let it go...I know it. I just know it. You're not leaving at all, are you? You're just gonna rot out here unless you get that apartment room back aren't you?"

"What I do is none of your god damned business fuck face! Now piss off!"

"Why me? I didn't take your room. I didn't take anything from you." Ghostface said as he pointed up at the building that loomed above them. "Pinhead did! Why don't you at least pretend to have some balls and do something about it?"

Freddy sighed and looked back up at the building. _I always win; _the words that he lived by. The words that were engraved in his brain. The words that had kept him going for so long. He looked at Ghostface and nodded. "Fine. But you're gonna have to listen and do what I do. If I tell you to jump I don't want you to say what you usually do; 'Hold on while I go watch reality T.V.' I want you to say, 'How god damned high?' Got it?"

Ghostface nodded eagerly and let the bags in his arms drop to the ground. "Okay. How god damned high, motherfucker. But for the record _Survivor _is really good reality T.V."

"Yeah for like, the first two seasons. After that it was all fake."

He shrugged. "Your opinion not mine. But anyway, what are we gonna do first?"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"This is stupid." Ghostface hissed as Freddy nimbly climbed on top of his shoulders and tried to get hold of the 2d story ledge of the apartment complex.

"It's not stupid. It's genius; all I have to do is climb up to the...what was it? The sixth story?"

"Yeah." Ghostface grumbled below him, "Six painful stories."

"It'll be easy. I'm nimble; I'm agile."

Ghostface scoffed. "Funny because it feels like you're the heaviest god damned thing in the world." he shifted Freddy's weight, trying to make his shoulders ache less. Freddy almost lost his balance.

"Hey! Watch out!"

"Sorry."

"Jeez. You really need to start working out more...hey, what's that shaking? Are your shoulders trembling?"

He felt Ghostface nod. "Probably. But I can't really feel anything on the upper half of my body right now so I can't say for sure...hurry up, will you?"

"Okay just come on and give me a boost-"

"I can't!" he whined as Freddy tried to grab hold of the 2d story ledge.

"God you're a complainer...c'mon fuck face! The military called; they want their guns back! Now come on and muscle up!" and just like that Ghostface's strength gave out and they both tumbled to the ground. Freddy grunted and sat up, rubbing his bald and aching head.

"What the fuck was that, idiot?"

"It was me losing what little self confidence I had left. Why can't you just be nice for once? I'm the one who is choosing to help you."

"Well you could've chosen not to!"

"Fine then I won't help anymore. You're mean."

Freddy sighed exasperatedly. "Yeah. _I'm _mean. _Mister Kruger's _mean! Well you know what? I think that you're mean and...wait! I've got another plan!"

Ghostface rubbed his hurt arms. "Will it involve me losing any limbs?

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason sighed as he climbed on the bus that would take him back to San Antonio. Ignoring the severe looks of everyone else on the bus he walked all the way to the back and was surprised to find Michael stretched out in one seat and sleeping. Jason frowned. _Looks like I'm not alone here. _He thought as he plopped down next to Michael.

Michael's head shot up and he reached inside of his mask and wiped off some drool. _What? Who's there?_

_Let's see; he's big, tall and wears a hockey mask and machete. It's me idiot. I'm going back to San Antonio too._

Michael narrowed his eyes. _Who says that I'm going back? _

_You're on the right bus aren't you?_

He looked at his shoes and thought shamefully, _Yes. But it's not my fault. I hate that place but...but..._

_It's so boring._ Jason completed. Michael nodded.

Jason sighed. _Yeah. I know what you mean. But you're not actually planning on helping Kruger, are you?_

Michael shrugged. _Maybe. If the situation calls for it. _

He rolled his eyes. _Punk ass._

_What?_

_You would really help the biggest asshole on the face of the earth, Freddy Kruger, if that meant that you had a place to stay?_

He nodded. _Well yeah. _

_Stupid bitch. _Jason thought as he shook his head.

_Fuck you Voorhees._

_You know what? I will accept this for now. Only because I haven't heard it for so long, though. So don't go thinking that it's a new thing that I have going on, because it's not. _Jason thought as he shifted his gaze to the bus window. _There's no way that I'm doing this...just no way..._

_Yes, _Michael thought, _you are._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Okay," Freddy hissed at Ghostface, "now this time we're going to do it my way."

"But can't we just-"

"No!"

"Go into-"

"Shut up, idiot! That's a stupid plan!"

"The apartment lobby and ask nicely to-"

"Nice is gay...just like you." Freddy insisted but Ghostface continued.

"Go to our room."

"And why would they just let us go check our room for fun? They know that we don't live there anymore so why would they even let us in?" Freddy asked as he and Ghostface stared at the apartment complex.

Ghostface just shrugged. "They'd let us in because we're courteous and polite."

"THAT IS THE GAYEST THING THAT-"

_Anyone has ever said in the whole world...and that includes every single catch phrase that was said in the 60s...Flower Power and Make Love, Not War; everything._

Freddy and Ghostface turned around and faced Michael and Jason. Both of the slashers stood there with bags in their hands and tired looks in their eyes.

Freddy frowned. "What are you two wayward youths doing here?"

Jason thought, _We really don't know is the amazing thing...I just decided to come back here and Michael was on the same bus. Pretty weird huh?_

Michael nodded. _We're here to help-_Jason elbowed him in the ribs so he added, _or at least I am._

Ghostface seemed delighted. "So...we're all back then?"

Freddy smiled evilly. "Yeah. And ready to kick ass and take names."

Jason rolled his eyes. _That has got to be the dumbest thing-_

"Shut the fuck up and follow me, idiot. Jeez a guy just can't get a brake." Freddy said as he urged Ghostface and Michael towards the apartment complex.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Yeah and he was all like, 'Well fine bitch! That just makes you a tease!' and I was all like, 'I didn't like you anyway!' and then he said-"

Freddy burst into the apartment lobby with Ghostface, Michael and Jason following close behind him. He pointed at the girl on the cell phone, the girl that had kicked them out of their apartment, and howled, "YOU!"

She narrowed her eyes and said into her cell, "Yeah Judy. I'm gonna have to call you back. Bye." then to Freddy, "What the fuck do you want? You were-"

"Evicted. But we're back because we're just a real pain in the ass...like the kind that don't go away easily." Ghostface proclaimed. Jason slapped his forehead.

_Nicely put dip shit. _

"Shut up Voorhees. No one is talking to you." Ghostface muttered as he withdrew his knife from his sleeve.

The girl's eyes got wide. "So you're going to, like, kill me or what? My daddy owns the apartment and he won't like-"

"Will you just shut up and give me the key to our apartment?" Freddy asked as he held out his hand expectantly. She shook her head.

"No."

Ghostface nodded. "Yes."

"Nope."

_Yes. _Michael thought.

"Uh no...especially for you...you creep me out more than the others." she said stubbornly.

Jason also held out his hand. _Yes you little..._

"Fine! Okay I'll give you the key but-"

"Laurie? Laurie what's going on here?" another voice broke in. They all turned around to see Stephen King now standing behind the counter that housed the room keys. He raised his eyebrows. "Well?"

Ghostface gasped. "A...are you-"

"Yes. Yes I am. And you all just need to get out now."

Michael seemed disappointed. _But why? Don't you like us?_

He shook his head. "No. Quite the opposite. I loath every one of you. Why? Because I'm Stephen King and I can hate like that. But seriously, you guys are nothing but trouble. Since Pin Idiot and his friends moved in things have gone much smoother and-"

Freddy couldn't help but interrupt. "So are you, like, the owner of this place? Is that brat-" he motioned to the girl who was now rapidly texting, "is your daughter? She said that her daddy owned the place."

Ghostface sighed impatiently and whined, "I just wanna listen to my old Beatles records..."

Jason elbowed him in the ribs. _Shut up fuck face! _

Stephen King just shook his head and started to say something else but Freddy lashed out at him, stabbing him through the heart with his razors. Stephen King staggered back but did not die. Freddy narrowed his eyes. "Hey, hey! What gives? I stab you and you die, you know?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm _Stephen King_ for crying out loud; I can't die. Kinda like a Chuck Norris thing, you know? But anyway-hey! Where are you all going?!"

Freddy, Ghostface, Michael and Jason had ran past him in his confusion and stopped at the elevator. Ghostface jumped up and down and yelled, "Come on, come on, come on! Press the button!"

Michael's eyes got wide. _But the elevator never worked before-_

Jason ignored this and punched the button. They both waited patiently as Stephen King shouted behind them, "Help! They are sneaking into the hotel! Come on, that has to be illegal in some state!"

As the dingy elevator made its way down Freddy put his hands behind his back and whistled a catchy tune. When it finally did come down he looked over his shoulder at everyone who was staring at them and pushed the others inside. Once he was sure that everyone was there, he pushed the button for the sixth floor and waited. Ghostface sighed contentedly.

"Nice elevator music." he muttered as the elevator dinged up to the sixth floor.

As the elevator doors slowly slid open again the dull hall that led to their room came into veiw and...something else. Or someone else. Freddy gasped and pointed at the man standing at the end of the hall. He bellowed as loud as he could, "PINHEAD!"

Pinhead, who had been preoccupied reading some magazine turned to face Freddy with a shocked expression on his face. He managed to stutter out, "K-Kruger?"

He nodded and snarled, "Yeah asshole, it's me...you didn't think that you could get rid of me, did you?"

Pinhead frowned and put his hands on his hips. "Hmm...yes. For a split second I did."

"Well think again!" Ghostface piped up. Freddy glared at him.

"Shut up fuck face; this is my battle. Now. Pinhead. Are you gonna let us have that room or are we gonna have to take it from you?"

He smiled wickedly. "Be my guest. The Chatterer and Butterball are already waiting in there. If you so much as take a step into that room they'll tear you to bits. But please, by all means. Be my guest."

Freddy's smile faded as he motioned behind his back to Jason, Michael and Ghostface. _On three run..._he thought desperately, hoping that they could somehow hear his thoughts like he could hear his; _One...two...THREE!_

To his surprise they all took off at once, rushing at Pinhead and tackling him to the ground. Freddy couldn't help but feel proud as he hurried after him. If anyone was going to step foot in that room, it was going to be him.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

They found the room with Pinhead following in close pursuit. Freddy nudged Ghostface aside and muttered, "You take care of the two in there while I take care of-"

"Fine. Just make it quick and not messy. I don't feel like having a big mess to clean up when we get the room back." Ghostface said back as Jason rammed into the door and broke it clean off the hinges. Michael goggled at him with wide eyes.

_Uh...wow._

Jason shrugged and rubbed his shoulder as Freddy and Ghostface went into the room. _So what? I'm a killer. It's my job to break stuff up._

The Chatterer and Butterball looked astonished as Freddy and the others came bursting in. They barley had time to react before Jason and Michael were attacking them. Freddy watched as Jason deliberately led the fight outside and gave Freddy and Pinhead ample space to have their own confrontation.

"So." Pinhead growled once Ghostface, Michael and Jason were out the room and fighting somewhere else. "You just wouldn't let it go, would you? You just can't let me have anything, can you?"

"Let you have everything? This is _my _place. And besides, I win. _I always win!_"

"Lies!"

"Nu-uh."

Pinhead rolled his eyes. "Oh can't you just shut up and fight? I'm tired of talking. I'm ready to end it."

Freddy smiled and said mockingly, "Fine. Be my guest."

Freddy dived at Pinhead, raising his clawed hand but with a flick of Pinhead's hand a chain shot out of nowhere and sank deep into his flesh. Freddy didn't seem surprised in the least as he reached over and yanked out the rusted chain. Just as he did this Pinhead summoned two more then three then four then ten until Freddy couldn't move, just hang in the air like some kind of grotesque puppet.

He watched as his trademark hat fell onto the floor and then he looked up at Pinhead. "You really think that you can win?"

Pinhead stopped summoning chains for a moment, seemed to ponder and finally nodded. "Yes. Yes I do."

"Fuck you." Freddy hissed as the chains threatened to rip him apart. But they didn't. Pinhead stopped suddenly and looked around as if in a daze.

"Where do you think..." he sighed. "You just can't buy a good cenobite these days...CHATTERER...BUTTERBALL!!! Where the hell are they?"

Freddy didn't dare make a move as he said, "Pretty funny how your cronies can't stick by your side for one second...maybe it's because you're a dirty cheater."

"I am not a cheater! And besides, I don't see Ghostface or Michael bending over backwards to help you."

"I don't want or need _that _kind of help." Freddy said with a smile. Pinhead frowned and waited for another second.

"Well I don't want to destroy you without a witness...this isn't good at all." and Pinhead went over to the door and opened it. He looked one way then another then back the other and Ghostface popped up and waved his knife in the air as Jason and Michael came up behind him.

"Sorry but you lose."

Pinhead shook his head as if he couldn't believe it. "But the Chatterer...Butterball..."

Jason: _They were nothing. Way to easy._

Michael nodded and wiped the blood on his knife off of his jumpsuit. _Way too easy._

Pinhead backed back into the room where Freddy hung in midair, suspended by chains. He glared at Freddy and whipped a cube out of his pocket. He waved the puzzle box in Freddy's face and proclaimed, "I. Will. Not. Lose."

Freddy tried to free himself but found that the chains which held him there weren't going to give. He winced and could do nothing as Pinhead twisted the box in such a way that it produced a bright white light and little chains sprouted from it.

Ghostface, Michael and Jason stood rooted to the spot, all to afraid to do anything. Pinhead laughed evilly as the cube sucked him up. Just as he disappeared into the puzzle box, he grabbed a hold of Freddy.

"Shit!" Freddy howled as he too began to get swept up into the cube. He turned to the others. "Help me!"

Jason was the first one to jump forward and grip Freddy's wrist. Michael hurried up and wrapped his arms around Jason's shoulders and Ghostface attached himself around Michael's waist; it did no good. Freddy just disappeared into the puzzle box with Pinhead's malicious laughter echoing throughout the room.

"Hurry up and help me you retard!" Freddy begged as he stared at Jason.

Jason blinked and thought back...thought far back to a time when Freddy had tackled him and stabbed him and threatened his life...his grip loosened so that he just held onto Freddy's glove. In a second the glove slid off of Freddy's hand and he was sucked up into the puzzle box, leaving only his razored fingers behind him.

Michael, Ghostface and Jason all fell back on top of each other. Ghostface got up and looked around wildly, shouting desperately, "Where'd he go?! What happened to him?"

Michael rubbed his aching head and thought, _He's gone to Pinhead's world now. We'll never get him back now...he's lost._

Ghostface just walked back and forth, gripping his skull as if that might make everything that had just happened go away. "But how...why...I don't..." then he looked from Jason to Michael and back to Jason and hissed, "It's your fault...you let him go. Now we'll never be able to pay the rent. What are we gonna do?"

_Simple,_ Michael interrupted, _we're going in after him._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Will Freddy return to the real world? Maybe, maybe not. Part III of the 'EVICTED' series will be the final part. Let's hope that Michael, Jason and Ghostface will be able to get Freddy back in the next episode or who knows what will happen.


	22. Episode 20EVICTED: Part III

Episode 20-EVICTED: Part III

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface sighed as his tired hands swept over the puzzle box one last time. He whined, "This is impossible...Voorhees it's your turn."

Jason took the cube from him and twisted it as well, trying with all his brain power to solve it. When he still couldn't make any headway, he passed it on to Michael with the thought of, _Good luck. It's impossible anyway._

And Michael took it and twisted it and tried to solve it but came up empty so he passed it all the way back to Ghostface. This had gone on for the past week for hours and hours on end or at least until one of them snapped and threw the cube against the ground. Tonight it was Ghostface who flung down the cube and exclaimed furiously, "Fuck this shit! It's stupid and gay and totally uncalled for! Why can't we just leave Kruger in there? We all hate him anyway so why can't we just-"

Michael shook his head. _We can't do that because Kruger pays one-fourth of the rent dip shit. We can't just leave him in hell to rot...as unfortunate as that seems. _

Jason wouldn't except this; he crossed his arms and thought miserably, _Ghostface is a drug dealer for God sakes! Why can't he just chip in to cover Freddy's share of the rent?_

"Because I'm too busy covering the apartment's expenses to care about Kruger...week after week of blood stains, broken windows and unhinged doors isn't cheap to fix you know." Ghostface pointed out as he stared at the cube. "God I hate Pinhead. Why couldn't he just leave Freddy alone for once?"

_Because, _Michael thought wistfully as he crawled over to where the cube lay and gently picked it up and began to try to solve it again, _that would make our lives to easy. But maybe we do that to ourselves. After all, we don't seem to be happy anywhere we are, even if it's our homes. Kinda picky aren't we?_

Jason shook his head and glared at Michael. _Who the fuck told you that because it's wrong. Jeez...we are perfectly-_

"S-c-r-e-w-e-d." Ghostface muttered. "Screwed. Unless we find Kruger. Then we'll be...hmm. What will we be? Unscrewed?"

_Unscrewed? _Michael ventured. Jason scoffed.

_Well I think that you're both unscrewed alright...in the head._

"Screw you."

_We all know that you'd like to but please keep your hands to yourself._

Ghostface rolled his eyes. "What is it with you people? I'm not gay! Okay? It's just that there aren't any chicks here...what do you want me to do? Live in a rock? Besides, I think that we should just focus on solving the cube and-"

Michael looked down at the puzzle box that was in his hands and thought, _That's what you've been saying for the past week! Who solved it last time? Maybe they can solve it again._

Jason raised his hand. _It was me...I think. Anyway, I don't think that I can do it again._

"Yeah because you let him fall in that portal to hell to begin with." Ghostface muttered. Jason turned to him.

_What did you just say?_

"Well you did seem to lose your grip fairly quickly and-"

_I DID NOT LET HIM GO!!!_

"Yes you did!"

_No!_

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah. You did. But that's okay. We might just keep you around anyway."

Suddenly Michael jumped to his feet and held up the puzzle box. _I GOT IT! I SOLVED THE PUZZLE!_

Jason and Ghostface stared at him with awed expressions as the cube opened up and hooks once again burst from within the tiny box. Ghostface pushed Jason towards the chains in a feeble attempt to protect himself.

_What the hell? _Jason thought as the chains dug into his skin and began to drag him inside the portal.

Ghostface shrugged and tried to outmaneuver a chain that trailed behind him; he bolted around the room in circles with his hand waving about. "It's your fault...you should be the first to get ripped apart so that me and Michael can watch."

Just as he said this a chain curled around Michael's arms and dragged him in. His last thought echoed through the house; _You...are...all...dead..._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface fell flat on his ass and only got up when he was sure that there wasn't anything watching him...then again, in Pinhead's world anything could be watching you without you knowing it...creepy. He shuddered and jumped to his feet, hugging himself like a small child.

He cleared his throat and called out terminatively into the mist, "H-hello? Michael? Jason? Freddy? I hate you guys for this..."

There was no answer, only a chilling wind that froze every bone in his scrawny body. Ghostface looked around one more time and sighed. "Guess I'm gonna have to come find you." and he proceeded to walk off into nowhere in particular, just somewhere else.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Pinhead's world was a chilling one as Michael had come to discover. As soon as he regained his senses, he was struck with an overpowering voice of reason-or madness-in his brain. _Forget them and get out while you still can._

Michael shook his head and gripped his skull; it had been somewhat like this in the mental hospital. The voice told him this, told him that but not which way was up or down or...just kill, kill kill whatever he could find, even if it was as small as a beetle on the ground. As much as he tried to ignore it as he walked on and tried to find his own way, he couldn't.

It was all the sense that Michael needed yet none at all...instinct to kill and a horrible sensation to get a hug from someone he didn't know. Michael shuddered and tried even harder to ignore the schizophrenic voice in his head but he had to stop walking and double over as an excruciating headache overtook him.

"What do you want?" Michael thought. The really odd thing was that his thoughts seemed to come out as actual statements-which more often than not made him believe that he was talking to himself-and the Voice became his only thought.

He staggered back as he bumped into a wall. Michael glared at the wall as if the voices were his fault and rubbed his aching head. "What the-God almighty, why can't I just go home? Why can't I just accept that my life won't ever be happy and go home?"

When there came no answer, not even from the schizophrenic voice in his head. For once in his life Michael felt utterly alone. His hell.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Meanwhile Jason didn't even dare to open his eyes...everything was going wrong. Why couldn't things just go _right _for once? Why couldn't things just be _easy _for once? He sighed and dared to open his eyes just a little. What he saw was enough to make him close them again, act dead.

It wasn't much of a person. In fact he was quite sure it wasn't a person at all; nothing but a bloody and scarred torso of what once was a person with his teeth totally exposed, his gums and lips held back by wire and hooks. He made an odd sound with those exposed teeth...almost like...

Jason's eyes popped open once more and he thought, "Chatterer!" he was surprised to find that every thought that he had came out as a loud sentence, although he didn't even move his mouth or use his vocal chords...he pushed the Torso off of him and backed away, looking around.

Clearly the creature had little interest in him as it too backed away, walking on its hands since it had no legs and was severed at the waist. A little of the spinal chord could be seen as it turned and left Jason, leaving a trail of blood behind it.

"What the fucking hell..." his thought trailed off and was answered by another.

"Torso. He's not much harm, unlike most of the other freaks in this place...he just wants to find his master, the Chatterer."

Jason turned around and was shocked to see Freddy sitting on the ground a few feet from him. "What the hell is going on around here? Are you really Freddy or not?"

Freddy shrugged and tapped one of his fingers on the ground. He didn't have on his trademark razored glove... "Yeah it's me. I figured that I shouldn't move much if I ever wanted one of you dip shits to find me. You know what they say; if you're lost in the woods, stay in the same place."

"Yeah but this isn't exactly the woods," Jason thought as his eye ventured to look up at the endlessly deadly black sky. "It's hell. And we're getting out of here."

"Who has the cube?" Freddy asked, not even making a move to get up.

Jason thought back and thought, "Michael I think. We just have to-"

"Then we're never getting out." Freddy interrupted as he waved Jason's idea aside. When Jason just stared at him he sighed and said, "You don't get it, do you? This place is endless...impossible. There's no way that it fits just inside that pissy little cube. You don't seem to get that. Each and every turn of this maze holds another kind of pain. You wouldn't believe the things that I've seen in just this corner. There are Pinhead's cenobites everywhere. We might as well just-"

Jason shook his head, reached down, picked up Freddy and slung him over his shoulder, no matter how much he protested. "Ow!" Freddy yelped, "What the fuck are you doing, you big, lumbering retard!"

"I don't care what excuse you have, you're getting off your lazy ass and helping me to find Michael and get out of here!"

"Well fine then! But at least let me walk on my own! You don't have to turn everything gay you know..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Myers...I wanna go home now...where are you?" Ghostface called in a hushed tone as he slowly made his way down the winding halls of his hell. It seemed to be a fathomless place.

Already he had seem at least one cenobite; a severed torso that just completely passed him up. But Ghostface wasn't complaining. If everything leaved him alone then he might actually survive. After all, he wasn't exactly immortal like all the other killers. He was just Roman Bridger, director and total badass-in his opinion anyway.

Then he heard a scuffling and turned around to find that a cenobite, an odd one at that. It seemed to be a girl with the skin and tissue of her skull peeled back and her neck also cut and peeled. She had a near skeletal face and smiled at him.

"Welcome to hell sweetie."

Ghostface swallowed. Sure, it may not have been the most terrifying thing so far-a chick in leather wasn't half bad after all-but she surely wasn't good news. He took out his knife but knew that it would be no match so he did what he did best; turned and ran.

He ran past one hall, down another till he bumped into another cenobite, this one much worse than the first. It was a human dog breed with a deep growling noise rising from its throat. It seemed to be made of nothing but muscle and teeth. It took a step-or a leap-towards Ghostface.

"S-sorry, man...didn't mean to bump you or-"

The beast let out a deadly roar and flexed its massive jaws. Ghostface backed away but when he turned to flee from this cenobite, the Female appeared at the end of the hall. He swallowed. "Hey man can't we all just get high and get along? You know, join hands, weave flowers in our hair and dance around a campfire singing a song?"

When the didn't answer he cursed and tried to climb up the wall, tried to get over it but the Female cenobite caught him by his ankle and dragged him down again. _Well, _he thought, _this is it...but I've had a good run..._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Michael turned around at the sound of Ghostface screaming and his eye grew wide; "What the fuck is going on around here?"

"Suffering of course." a deep and clinical voice suddenly spoke up. Michael whirled around and gasped as he saw Pinhead standing at the end of the hall with his hands behind his back. Pinhead smiled wickedly and said, "So Michael, how's hell been treating you?"

"How do I get out? I know you know..."

Pinhead frowned. "So that's what your thoughts sound like when they're spoken...odd. Your inner voice is rather bland. Anyway, you know as well as I do that the only way out is to resolve the puzzle box and seeing as you've lost the cube-"

"Lost it? I haven't lost it. See?" Michael thought as he withdrew the cube from the pocket of his jumpsuit. Pinhead looked around and cleared his throat.

Then he pointed off in the distance and said, "Look! It's Pamela Anderson!"

Michael shook his head. "Nah. I'm more of a Janis Joplin kinda guy."

"Janis Joplin? She looks like a dude!" Pinhead retorted as he crossed his arms.

He shrugged. "Same difference...not that I'm gay. It's just that I think that she'd appreciate your love more, you know? Anyway, I'm not looking. I know what you're trying to do."

"What?"

Michael sighed and thought, "You're trying to get me to look the other way so that when I do you can snatch the puzzle box. Duh. How dumb do you think that I...Pamela Anderson?"

Suddenly, form behind Pinhead, there came a blond busty girl with an extreme tan. She smiled at Michael and said teasingly, "Hey honey. How's it hangin'?"

Michael just stared at her miraculously as Pinhead took advantage of the moment, jumped forward and snatched the puzzle box out of Michael's hands. Pamela looked around in a rather dazed way and said idiotically, "Hmm...this place is weird...I'd better just go now..."

And she turned and ran as Pinhead pinned Michael to the floor and punched him in the face. Michael barley flinched as he tried to reclaim the cube. Finally he quit struggling and thought, "What the fuck will it take for me to get that cube?"

Pinhead smiled. "Now that you mention it...I would love it if you would..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Is that it? Is it our cue already?"

Jason nodded and thought, "Yeah. That's it. It's another 'leave it to the imagination' thing again."

"Good thing. I don't think that anyone wants to hear about what they're doing..." his voice trailed off as he continued to follow Jason down more twisting and winding halls that lead to nowhere.

"Yep."

"Totally."

"Indeed."

Jason narrowed his eyes. "What the fuck are you starting that shit for? I hate it."

Freddy glanced at him. "What shit?"

"The whole 'yeah' and 'indeed' shit. That crap could go on for hours."

"I think that it's-holy fuck balls!" Freddy exclaimed suddenly as they turned down a hall and discovered Ghostface sitting there with flower sticking out of his hood and his hands joined with the Female's and the dog-man. They all sat around a campfire singing _Piece of My Heart _by Janis Joplin.

Freddy sneered and called over to him, "Hey asshole? Got enough of that shit to go around?"

Ghostface turned slowly to him with a joint sticking out of the mouthpiece of his mask and waved him over. He said highly, "Come on brother. Plenty of weed to go around."

Jason sighed and hauled Ghostface to his feet and thought, "You idiot! You couldn't even wait until we were home to get stoned?"

He laughed and shook his head as he stood up. "He he...no. Hey!" he pointed at Freddy and poked his nose. He proclaimed loudly, "POKE! HA! I POKED YOU!"

Freddy glared at him and said through gritted teeth, "I swear to God and all his remaining angels that if we ever get out of here you will die a horrible and painful death full of suffering and ass rape."

Jason shook his head and nudged Ghostface onward. "Time to go."

They walked for about another hour, dodging all sorts of disgusting cenobites along the way, until finally Freddy collapsed and said, "This is impossible! I quit! Press the restart button, I'm as good as done!"

"Funny," Jason thought as he looked around, "When I was in hell it was nothing like this at all...hey! Ghostface where are you going?"

Ghostface had begun to wander off. When Jason called him he turned and said, "Found Michael! And he got the pretty Sudoku box too! Lemme see Michael!"

Michael held the cube out of his reach as he stepped around a corner and thought, "Two things grossly wrong with that statements, fuck face; A) It's a Rubik's Cube, not a Sudoku puzzle...two totally different things. B) You're not going to even want to touch this thing after all it's been thorough."

As soon as he saw Michael with the cube Freddy bounded forward and snatched it, held it close. "How the hell...oh my god, I think that I love you Michael freakin' Myers!"

Michael stepped back. "I think that I've had more than enough love today, thanks. Now just twist that little piece there and we'll be home."

Jason looked at the cube but seemed skeptical. "So why haven't you just taken it and gone home by now if it's the real thing?"

"Simple," Michael thought, "how the hell do you all expect me to pay my own rent?"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Okay. I know what you might be thinking and stop it. It's disgusting. Secondly-and more importantly-no JASON AND MICHAEL DID _NOT _TALK; their thoughts were just sort of transmitted into speech...sort of like reading minds or whatever. I figured that a little variety was well overdue for how they communicate but don't get your hopes up. It isn't permanent. In the next episode they shall be back to reading each other's thoughts the old-fashioned way. The note writing has been done away with but they still don't talk. They just read each other's minds. Don't ask me why. Probably just because I got tired of typing constantly, 'and Michael/Jason wrote,' and so on. But they still don't talk. So get off my back. Michael and Jason shall never, ever in this lifetime of these episodes-which hopefully shall be a long time-will ever talk. So there. Why? Because that's how I roll.

And as always thanks for reading. Love you for it and uh yeah...

PEACE 3

[deal with it, I'm a bit corny]


	23. Episode 21What Is A Jeepers Creepers?

Episode 21-What Is A Jeepers Creepers Anyway?

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"So....pretty boring today, huh?"

Freddy shook his head. "No way. I'm never complaining about being bored again. I'm totally fulfilled just sitting right here."

Jason sighed. _I could go for some killing right about now...I can't stand it when there's nothing to do._

"That's because you're queer so shut up!" Freddy warned as he stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes. "You know what? I could actually go for a nap right about now!"

Ghostface shook his head and flipped through the T.V. Channels. "Hmm. This whole thing is getting to be a bit repetitious, isn't it?"

Jason stared at him. _What do you mean?_

"I mean, we seem to do this every day. Doesn't it get boring?"

Michael thought, _What the hell are you talking about? We do different stuff every day._

"No we don't."

_Yes we do._

"No we don't."

Now both Michael and Jason nodded and thought at the same time, _Yeah we do._

Ghostface pouted. "Just shut up and kiss me."

Freddy's eyes popped wide open now. "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

And they were all silent for a moment as Ghostface continued to flip past the multiple channels with a bored air about him then, from what seemed out of nowhere, there came a mysterious tune...an old static tune that echoed throughout the entire apartment..._Jeepers Creepers, where'd you get those peepers? Jeepers Creepers where'd you get those eyes?_

Freddy gasped and shot out of his seat, his eyes wide with fear. "What is that..."

Jason rolled his eyes. _What is what?_

_Yeah, _Michael thought, _I hear it too!_

"Me three...I think." Ghostface added. Everyone slowly turned their heads in his direction so he shrugged. "What? Is it so wrong to want to be included in the whole 'group vibe'?"

"Shut the fuck up! All of you! Even though Myers and Voorhees don't talk...just shut your friggin' traps!" Freddy hissed as he went to check by the door.

He may not have been the brightest knife in the drawer, but he did know something about catchy serial killer jingles and this was definitely one of them. Just like whenever kids sang 'One, two Freddy's coming for you...' it was bad, this was bad too. Sinister music coming from seemingly nowhere was never good news.

They were all silent as he opened the apartment door and peeked outside to find...

Yep, you guessed it. Nothing there. Freddy growled and slammed the door shut and that's when Ghostface let out a loud scream and pointed to the glass balcony door. Freddy turned to him and put his hands on his hips. "What the fuck was that? A scream?"

Ghostface shook his head and dived under the couch. "I saw something out there." he mumbled, his voice coming out muffled beneath the pillows and cushions.

Jason shook his head. _I didn't see anything._

Michael: _Neither did I. Maybe Ghostface his finally cracked up for good._

Freddy narrowed his eyes at Ghostface and said in a deadly voice, "Time for bed." and he pointed at Michael and Jason. "Two of you. Now! You-" now he pointed at Ghostface, "-outside."

"But I-"

"Now!"

"You can't-"

"So help me God..."

"Fine!" Ghostface said as he jumped to his feet and smoothed out his black robe. He walked outside with Freddy and left Michael and Jason alone.

Michael cleared his throat and thought irritably, _Yeah...it sure would be nice if I had some water right about now._

_Fuck you Myers. _Jason thought as he crossed his arms and stared at the blank T.V. Screen.

_What? All I said was that I would really appreciate it if you got me a cup of water. Please and thank you._

_Go get it yourself, you little punk. _

Michael stifled a laugh. _'Little punk'? I'm sorry, what was that?_

_Oh why don't you just quit?_

_Because I can't-wait, what was that? _Michael gasped and pointed at the window. Jason stared at him.

_What was what?_

_That! _Michael thought as he pointed outside again. When Jason still didn't appear to know what he was talking about, he got up, went over to the window and peered out.A soft rustling came from the roof and Michael jumped back.

_C'mon, _ he thought as he stepped away from the widow and motioned to the door, _let's go up to the roof._

_The roof?! It's 10 o'clock at night, Michael! I'm not-_

Just as Michael took a few steps away from the widow, something made a loud screeching sound and jumped in from the window, wrapped his arms around Michael and then turned to Jason. It was an ugly thing, with an odd wrinkly face and wearing nothing but black, tattered clothes and a top hat. Jason's eyes got wide and he hurried out the door.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Outside of the room in a hall about a floor down, Freddy stood yelling at Ghostface. "What the fuck are you trying to pull, dip shit? Do you want me to fuck you up?"

Ghostface sighed and began to pace back and forth. "I still don't understand what I did! I just saw something and-"

"No! You didn't just 'see something'! It was nothing and-ssh! You hear that?" Freddy grew silent as the music began to play again, this time louder than ever. Ghostface turned around and looked out the window that was in the hall.

"You know what, Kruger? I think that you're the one who's crazy...screw Myers, you're the real nut."

Suddenly Jason came stumbling down the hall, his eyes wide. Just as he reached Freddy and Ghostface he staggered and fell flat on his face. Freddy doubled over in laughter and pointed at him, "Ha! Voorhees fell flat on his ass!"

Ghostface rolled his eyes but didn't spring forward to help Jason. "God Kruger. You are an asshole."

_We gotta leave! _Jason thought as he jumped to his feet and turned to Freddy, whose smile was quickly melting away.

"Wait...what? What's wrong?"

_It's Michael...he-_

"Did he try and rape you?" Ghostface piped up, real concern in his voice now. Jason looked at him oddly and shook his head.

_No...he just got kidnapped by a weird bat thing with an ugly face and wings...I don't know what happened but-look, there he is! _And Jason pointed to the window that Ghostface was leaning next to.

They all turned quickly and there, staring at them. It let out a horrible screeching noise and pressed its tongue to the window glass, staring straight at Freddy. "Oh my...Kruger...I think that it wants you."

"Shut up fuck face!" Freddy warned as he backed away. The creature let out a snort, fogging up the window glass, then jumped away from the window and back on the roof.

Jason glanced from one talking killer to another and thought, _I think that we'd better go up to the roof._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

They all crept up to the roof as silent as they could possibly be. Freddy went first, Jason second and Ghostface third. "Okay," Freddy muttered once they were all on top of the roof. "Here's the plan; we cut it-or him-up real good. Voorhees you slice his head off and I'll take the credit. Once that's done we'll rescue Myers. Crystal?"

Ghostface nodded. "Crystal as meth. But what am I supposed to do?"

"Just try really, really hard not to get into the way."

Jason smiled. _I think that that's the impossible part of the plan. Killing a rouge vampire/creeper thing, sure, why not? But Ghostface not getting in the way. Who are you kidding?_

Freddy just glared at him, paused and then finally said, "You know what, Voorhees? Fuck you. Just fuck you all the way to hell then back again. This plan if foolproof. If we can't do it then we're...we're..."

"Fools!" Ghostface proclaimed proudly. He nodded.

"Yeah. If we can't do this right then fuck face is a fool. Anyway now all we need to do is-"

Before he could even finish his sentence the Creeper's silhouette became clearly visible in the pale moonlight-did I forget to mention the time of day? Oh well, you get it-and they all gasped and staggered back. Ghostface nearly collapsed onto Freddy, crying, "Jeepers! It's the Creeper!"

Freddy pushed Ghostface off of him. "What the fuck, idiot? Oh no, watch out! Jeepers it's the Creeper! Really? What is this? A Scooby Doo cartoon?"

Jason nudged Freddy and Ghostface ahead of him and thought, _Go ahead, Kruger. You want the credit for taking out the Creeper, don't you?_

The Creeper landed on the roof, making the whole building shake on its foundations. He pointed at them and let out a horrible, animalistic roar. Freddy elbowed Jason in the ribs. "Be my guest Voorhees...go ahead and cut his motherfucking head off."

As soon as the Creeper took one step towards them, Ghostface went limp and passed out. Freddy looked from Ghostface to the Creeper, threw his hands in the air and yelled, "Oh just screw me!"

Jason rolled his eyes and took out his machete, thinking, _What a pussy._

"Me?" Freddy asked, "Or him?" he pointed at Ghostface.

_Both of you._

And Jason slashed at the Creeper with his machete. He managed to slice him pretty good, but the Creeper didn't seemed fazed at all. When Jason brought his machete down a second time, the Creeper caught it in midair, snatched it from his hands, bent it in half then dropped it to the ground.

Freddy stared at the Creeper with wide eyes as the machete clattered onto the ground. "Shit son." he managed to mutter as the Creeper lashed out at Jason, slapped him to the side and picked up Ghostface's limp body.

Then his wings sprouted from his body and he flew away into the night. Jason got to his feet, rubbing his aching head. _What the fuck just happened? Did we-_

"Yep we lost. Like always. Nothing can ever be simple, can it?" Freddy asked as he watched the Creeper disappear into the night. Then rage overtook him and he yelled up at the clouds, "What the fuck was that? How the god damned hell...God just fuck it! Son of a...FUCKING SHIIIIIIIT!!!" and he dropped to his knees and began pounding away on the roof.

Once he was done he dropped onto his back and looked up at the dark night sky, at the stars and the moon which seemed to be taunting him from above. Jason stared down at him and finally asked, _You done?_

Freddy nodded. "Yeah I'm pretty much done."

_Good. _Jason thought as he retrieved his bent machete from the ground. _Now you ready to go find Ghostface?_

He sighed. "Yeah. Whatever. I guess we need him unless...hey, do you think that we can sell coke without getting shot like fuck face did?"

Jason seemed to think about it for a while then, _Nah. No way. But c'mon. We might as well get an early...well, late start considering that it's nearly midnight._

Freddy pouted. "Do we have to?"

_Yeah, _Jason nodded, _we do._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

So Freddy and Jason hopped into the Winnebago and were off. I shall spare you pain of having to read another 4 or 5 pages of them going back and forth and back and forth and-you guessed it-back and forth again and just say that it wasn't exactly the most peaceful time in either of their lives. It was full of pain and remorse and self loathing but eventually their pursuit of the Creeper led them all the way to the Mojave Desert.

Freddy hopped out of the Winnebago and looked at the sign that read, _Mojave Desert, _and sighed. "Where the fuck is the Mo-jua-vay Dessert?"

Jason got out of the van as well and thought, _I dunno, only that Las Vegas is in it. But this is where the Creeper has to be. And for the record, it's pronounced Mojave Desert. Not a chocolate cake or anything..._

"Fuck you! It sounds pretty close to a cake to me." then he frowned. "Wonder where the Creeper i-"

Suddenly, from above them, a giant bat or something swept past them carrying a screaming child. Freddy immediately ducked down and covered his head. Jason just stood there looking up at the Creeper, staring at it with wide eyes.

_How the hell are we supposed to beat that?_

Freddy got to his feet and dusted the dust off of his pants. "I dunno. My range of deserts is purely related to cakes."

Jason shook his head and glared at Freddy. _What the fuck is wrong with you?_

"Fuck you retard. I-"

_How many times have you said the word 'fuck' so far in the past few days?_

He shrugged. "I dunno. About 47 I guess. Maybe more. Anyway, which way did the creeper go? We have to find him!"

As if to answer him, a loud screech came from somewhere off in the distant mountains. Jason motioned to the hills and thought, _I have a hunch that he might be there._

"Zoinks! Really? Jeepers!"

_What the fu-_

"It just felt right, okay. Now come on. We better go save them before the creeper rips them limb from bloody limb."

Jason nodded and followed him as he waked in the direction of the mountains but thought, _You know just because something feels right doesn't mean that you should do it. Just because you feel that sex with Ghostface would be good, does that mean that you would do it?_

"Totally different."

_Nope. _

"Okay. I know what you're trying to start and I won't have it. C'mon. Let's just find them, all right?"

And they both walked on in silence.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Hours later and they were standing outside of the Creeper's hideaway looking earnestly inside. Freddy swallowed. He clinked his claws against the rock of the mountain nervously. "Well Voorhees. Go ahead, you big hockey puck. Go rescue the fag and prissy boy."

_Which one's the fag and which one's the prissy boy? I need to prioritize you know._

"Myers is the prissy boy and fuck face is the fag. I thought that it would be obvious...anyway, go ahead and cut its head off." Freddy said as they watched the Creeper moving from one table to another.

Michael and Ghostface were laying on a different table, blood strewn around them in ruby puddles. Ghostface looked at least half conscious, saying to the Creeper, "Hey man it's cool...is this about the bad shit that I sold you? Hey, man. We can work it out. Let's just-"

The Creeper let out a loud screech and Ghostface shut his mouth. Freddy elbowed Jason in the ribs. "Go on three. Think you can handle that?"

Jason nodded. _Yeah I can handle it._

"Okay...one...two...THREE!!!"

They both burst into the Creeper's cave at once, flinging rocks and dust everywhere. When they got in, Freddy tripped and knocked Jason off balance so that once the dust settled, they both sat flat on their asses coughing up the dust that was now in their lungs.

"Aw shit...I can't see anything...what the fuck's with all this _dust?_"

Jason glared at him and pushed him. _What the hell was that?_

"What?" Freddy asked, genuinley confused.

_You did that on purpose?_

"Did what on purpose? Fell?"

_You tripped me!\_

"Did not!"

_Did-_

Before the fight could continue, the Creeper broke in, letting out another of his animal screams. Freddy covered his ears and said to him, "What the fuck, dude? Can't you learn that if you don't have no nice shit to say, don't say it at all?!"

The Creeper responded by snarling and picking him up by the collar of his Christmas sweater. He stared Freddy straight in the face and then licked his cheek while Jason sat on the side watching with wide eyes.

_Wow Kruger...you mus really taste good!_

Freddy looked sick as he tried to break away. "Ugh...this is so sick!"

"And this is coming from a child molesting freak from Elm Street. Really now. Who in their right mids would live on an _Elm Street?_"

Freddy glared over at Ghostface who was still strapped to a table. "Screw you."

"Ah who asked you anyway."

As they went back and forth the Creeper just stood there looking awestruck until finally he slammed Freddy against the hard rock wall and hit him upside his head while Jason just sat on the ground looking petrified.

The Creeper let out a howl as Freddy reached up and stabbed him in the stomach; he dropped him to the ground and gripped his side, looking more surprised than hurt. Freddy yelled over to Jason, "Go ahead, idiot! Fuck him up!"

_With what?_

Just as he thought this the Creeper was on top of them again, bearing his huge fangs, drool dripping down his chin. Freddy swallowed. This definitely wasn't good.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

One thing that most people tend to overlook when it comes to the Creeper-and others like him if, god willing, there are more like him alive-is that he survives just to eat. What is his little time clock again? Every 23 years in Spring for 23 days? That's nearly a month, isn't it? Hmm...why can't it stop being lazy and round it off to one full month, I wonder? ANYWAY...

Very soon after the Creeper had successfully managed to bind and gag Freddy and Jason he proceeded to cut out whatever he had been seeking and, well, do what the Creeper does best, eat. In an insistently disgusting fashion, mind you. One that I will not go into because you really don't want the details. Eventually Freddy and the others all wound up in his underground death chamber so to speak, full of rotting corpses and grotesque wall art; human skins stitched together to make an odd and gory tapestry.

Freddy sighed as he looked down at his stitched stomach. "This blows. I was hoping to keep my guts at least."

Jason: _You never hand any guts to begin with._

"Oh!" Ghostface cried, "Epic failure! Totally owned!"

Michael just sighed and thought angrily, _Shut the fuck up all of you. My head hurts. _And he gripped his now empty eye sockets. _God I miss my eyes. But at lease he didn't take my pe-_

"How would you know, Myers? Did you even have any junk to begin with?" Freddy asked. They all chuckled-all except Michael that is.

_Fuck you._

"Ah get a room Myers."

_That doesn't even make sense._

"Well you know what I don't understand?" Ghostface asked.

They all peered at him in the few rays of light that was able to shine through the cracks in the cave wall. "What?" Freddy asked.

"Why didn't we feel the Creeper cutting out our insides and eyes and stuff?"

Jason: _It's another of those 'leave it to the imagination' things again._

He scoffed. "I call it just being lazy."

On the other side of the room Freddy sighed. "We've been through this _a hundred times!_"

Michael: _And it never seems to get old, does it?_

_Okay, _Jason thought, _here's the deal. Sometimes the imagination can make up something worse than the writer could ever in her-or his-wildest dreams write down on paper. Not just that, but every reader has their own mind. Why can't they use it to think with now and again?_

"Because that's not what it's abou-oh forget it. This is a stupid argument anyway. And a stupid episode. But at least the Creeper can just go to sleep with a full stomach. But I still wonder what he took from me..."

_Yeah, _Jason thought, _me too. I can't really feel any pain...just numbness._

"At least he's full and we can chill out for a few...at lest until he wakes up in another 23 years or so-"

_Only in Spring. _Michael reminded him.

Freddy nodded and tried to sit up. He felt some stitches in his stomach pop and grunted. "Yeah. Only in Spring."

Ghostface looked over at him. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting out of here while I still can. Have you smelled this place lately? Like rot, piss, and more rot. Fucking sick." Freddy said as he limped over to the cave wall and felt along it for some kind of opening.

Jason got to his feet as well and tried to help him. _Yeah and I can't stand not knowing what the Creeper did to me...I have to know._

In a while soon Michael had gotten up; all except Ghostface who claimed that he 'couldn't feel his feet'. It took a few minutes, but soon Freddy gasped and called, "Found it! Look! I found an opening!"

They all recoiled as Freddy pulled back a solid rock door and sunlight penetrated the cave. Michael smiled under his mask. _Thank fucking God. Can we go home now?_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"I can't believe this fucking shit...why the hell did he...I mean at least show some decency."

Freddy sighed. "What's wrong now?" he asked as he sat down on the couch of number 1331 Wimbleton Apartments.

Jason thought irritably, _He won't stop whining._

Michael: _Neither would you when you finally figured out what the Creeper took from you. At least it wasn't your-_

"Eyes. Yeah Myers. We've heard it about a hundred and two times plus the square root of three, okay?" Freddy hissed.

They all stared at him obliviously until finally Ghostface broke the silence. "But it _really, really _hurts!"

"Oh come on, man!" Freddy said as he reached over and slapped the stumps where Ghostface's feet had once been. "It's only your feet! He took my intestines!"

Jason: _And my tongue._

Michael crossed his arms over his chest moodily and a little clumsier than usual. He was blinded after all. _Yeah. And my-_

"Well what he took from Myers wasn't really important anyway. What is important is that in a few days we'll just go loot the zombies on the second floor and boom! Problem solved. Simple as pie." Freddy said as he turned on the T.V.

_Yeah, _Jason thought as he rolled his eyes, _as simple as motherfucking pie._

But none of them noticed the faint notes of _Jeepers Creepers _playing in the background; _Jeepers Creepers where'd you get those peepers?_

_Jeepers Creepers where'd you get those eyes?_

_Oh, those weepers how they hypnotize, where'd you get those eyes?_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Dismal news indeed. First off I'd like to stress one thing; the _episodes will be put on hold _for some time-no more than a month-so that I can catch up with typing some of my other original stories. Sorry for the inconvenience, just don't think that the series is done. Not by a long shot...whatever that means.

The next episode will most likely come out in October and will be a Halloween special-the day, not the movie. It will probably be a 2 parter but I will try and make it just a simple episode because the EVICTED episode involved 3 parts. Sorry about the length. It was originally made to be just 2 parts.

Lastly, this episode was a response to the clear interest in the movie _Jeepers Creepers, _which some-meaning about two or three-of my readers have expressed interest in. So that's what's up with that. Hope that you all enjoyed it and as always,

PEACE TO YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS

& much love. 3

& thanks to everyone who has reviewed it.

Extra love to you.

Can you believe that I waited months to publish the 1st episode?

I didn't think that anyone would like it.

Anyway, glad you like the series.


	24. Episode 22Happy Halloween Michael Myers

Episode 22-Happy Halloween Michael Myers

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

"Well, guess that's it." Freddy exclaimed as he and Ghostface finished nailing all the windows shut and locking the doors in the tiny one room apartment. "No one-not even Michael Myers-is breaking out of this joint anytime soon."

"So," Ghostface said as he plopped down on the couch next to Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees. "All fixed up so the Boogeyman-" he elbowed Michael in the ribs, "-won't be tempted to take the van out on a little joy ride to Illinois this Halloween."

Michael scooted a little further away from Ghostface and crossed his arms over his chest moodily. He sighed and thought hatefully, _As if I'd have anywhere to go..._

Freddy just laughed and also took his place on the couch then switched on the T.V. The voice of a newscaster echoed throughout the apartment: "And in other news residents of Haddonfield, Illinois fear that this could be the Halloween that 'it strikes back'; of course what they're referring to is the probability that the notorious serial killer Michael Myers might somehow rise from the dead and return, of all places, to that small town-"

Michael's eyes were glued to the T.V. Screen as the news broad casted pictures of himself and his gory killings. Freddy distractedly flipped the channel to Iron Chef. Ghostface laughed nervously and glanced at Michael.

"Wow," he muttered as he reached inside of his ragged sleeve for his knife, "that's weird that they're showing news from Illinois when we clearly reside quite comfortably in San Antonio, Texas, isn't it?"

Jason: _It's international news, idiot. They can talk about anything in the world._

"Huh. Even if it's about 'its' plan to 'strike back'? Isn't there a war going on somewhere in the world or something important to talk about? Where is it again...Iraq?" Freddy asked.

"Nu-uh." Ghostface said, shaking his head. "They're focusing on Afghanistan now."

"Hmm..." he muttered, "I wonder why-"

Angrily Michael snatched the remote away from Freddy and flung it at the massive T.V., shattering the screen and remote. _It's because of the nuclear weapons and Taliban, you idiot!_ _Now shut the fuck up so I can listen to the-_

Jason: _Listen to the what, Michael? The T.V. That you just broke?_

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah Myers. If you wanna be such a...a-"

"Fuck face?" Freddy suggested. Ghostface laughed and slapped Freddy on the back. Jason didn't seem to be on either their side or Michael's; he was more of a his side kind of guy.

Michael on the other hand looked down at his jumpsuit and then at his shoes. There was something of self-loathing and sadness in his black, evil eyes but mostly anger. Mostly rage. Michael shuddered, got up and went outside on the balcony.

Guess it wasn't fun being Michael Myers on Halloween.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

That night was a quiet one. Between Michael's solemn attitude and everyone's idiocy nothing much could be said. As the night wore on it and it became the night before Halloween Michael got shiftier and began squirming in his seat; it was either now or never.

No matter how uncomfortable Michael got, he never complained. But this wasn't saying much considering the fact that he didn't even talk so no one really cared. However he didn't seem to get any better as the night wore on.

"Hey Mikey. You're gonna make it through the night, right?" Ghostface asked as he chewed on some pizza crust. They all sat at the kitchen table eating pizza and drinking beer. For them the only thing better than this was sex.

Michael ignored him and stared off into the distance. Then, out of nowhere, he got up and thought; _I'm going out. I'll be back in a second._

Then he walked out the door. Jason watched him go with an apprehensive look in his eyes. _You guys he might-_

Ghostface flourished a shiny ring of car keys in the air. "Got 'em."

Freddy smiled deviously. "He's not going nowhere."

Just as he said this, from the open balcony door, there came the sound of a car motor-the Winnebago. All three looked at each other then scrambled out the balcony door to see their old Winnebago speeding down the highway. Jason's head snapped in Ghostface's direction.

_I thought that you said that he couldn't get away!_

Ghostface shook his head and pointed at Freddy. "Nu-uh. I said that I had the keys. Kruger said that he couldn't get away."

"Huh," Freddy muttered, leaning over the balcony railing a little and squinting into the distance, trying to see the van, "I wonder how he did it..."

"Maybe someone's been giving him lessons." Ghostface suggested.

Jason rolled his eyes. _That doesn't even make sense._

"Shut up." he muttered, "It did in my mind."

There was a moment of silence then; _We have to find him._

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

Haddonfield. It wasn't all that far away. If Michael drove fast then maybe he could be there at least Halloween day to finish his only job left. Then what?

Michael didn't care so long as he did what he was going over there to do. To kill. Eagerly he pushed the gas a little harder, making the Winnebago lurch but increase in speed. He could nearly taste his sister's blood now...nearly taste the chaos.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

"Haddonfield?! But that's in Illinois!" Ghostface whined as he, Freddy and Jason signaled a taxi.

"Then shut up. Maybe if you don't talk, fuck face, then the trip might not be so-"

_How about we all just shut up. _Jason thought as they entered the taxi.

As soon as Michael ran away, Jason became very reserved and looked at everyone and everything else like he wanted it dead. To him Michael was somewhat of a younger brother, mostly because they were the only non-talking slashers, so he was obligated to save him. Even if it meant traveling across the country with the people that he hated the most-Ghostface and Freddy.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

The next morning Michael slammed the breaks and came to a halt outside of Haddonfield Elementary School. There was a little girl talking with a teenager...the other students wore costumes. It was Halloween day.

Suddenly a knock came from the Winnebago's side window. It was a police officer motioning for him to roll down the window. Michael sighed and rolled the window down as he gripped his knife behind his back. He was silent as the officer explained the problem.

"Sorry son, but it appears that you were speeding-oh, nice mask by the way..."

Michael said nothing, just stared at him with his fathomless black and now horribly determined eyes. The officer smiled awkwardly but got out his pad and started writing a ticket. Just as he finished writing, Michael grabbed him by his throat and forced the kitchen knife into his gut.

The officer looked at him for on fleeting second and Michael felt the man's fingers under his mask as he tried to rip it off. But Michael glared at him and squeezed his throat more, making blood flow. Once it was done Michael's eyes darted around the parking lot to make sure that no one had seen him. Then he pulled the body into the van and dumped it in the back. He sped off without a second glance.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

It wasn't a difficult task to find a place to dump the van. Michael was able to drive a few miles south, the primary place to dump the Winni. He then started the long trip home on foot. With an odd sense of satisfaction he walked for about two miles then approached it; his home. It loomed ahead like a monster, just waiting for Michael to conquer it. Just waiting for Michael to conquer his rage.

But something wasn't right. As Michael approached his old house he felt something odd-intruders. Someone was in his house searching for him. Instinctively Michael darted behind own of the shrubs that bordered his house and gazed up at the second story window. There were two men inside talking. In a matter of a few seconds they came out of the house.

One was an elderly man carrying a walking cane and had a partially burnt face. He was Michael's old-very old-doctor. "Yes well I just want to be sure that all the necessary precautions are taken."

"Yes sir, Dr. Loomis. As the sheriff of Haddonfield I can assure you that Michael Myers will not show up to ruin Halloween."

Loomis stopped at the end of the driveway and nodded. "Oh good. It's not the holiday I'm worried about Sheriff Bracket, it's the girl, Jamie..."

"Yeah, yeah Loomis. Jamie has been taken care of. She's been properly looked after by a few of my best police officers. No worries, I'm sure that she'll be fine. And if she's not then Michael will kill her off and he'll never have any reason to come back. See? Either way someone wins!"

"Well that's good," Loomis said, "but just to be sure, why don't we barricade the Myer's house, sheriff? It'd be so much safer than-"

"Dr. Loomis, are you suggesting that I can't handle this?" the sheriff asked.

From behind the shrubs Michael peeked out his head a little more and perked up his ears. The two men had begun walking down the street in search of Sheriff Bracket's car. "No," Loomis said just before they walked out of hearing range, "but I do want that little girl protected."

Michael didn't stick around to hear more. Instead he crept up to his house and went inside. The house itself had aged but not as much as Michael had expected. Although vines and thorns

had invaded the once serene landscape, the interior was only tarnished by a thick layer of dust and dirt. There was still a problem with all of this, though; he was hungry. Starving.

Making his way down to the basement and even farther down than that, to his underground room, Michael heard his stomach growl. He stopped along the way down to catch his dinner-rats. 5 star, right? What other choice did he have other than the giant rodents?

Breathing raggedly, he finally found his long forgotten bedroom. This Halloween, he decided, would be one like no other. This time he wouldn't lose.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

"100 fucking bucks?!" Freddy asked what would have to have been their 25th cab driver. The cabbie nodded and held out his hand.

Ghostface, who was beyond the point of annoyed by now, withdrew his knife from his sleeve. "Here's your money, fucker!" and he jammed the blade into the man's throat.

Jason looked around to make sure that no one had seen and slapped Ghostface in the back of the head. "Oww!" he cried as he wiped the bloody knife off on his shirt, "What the frick, Voorhees?"

"Would you both just stop for one damn second?" Freddy howled. The two stopped stabbing each other then put their hands at their sides, rather embarrassed.

Jason: _What are we going to do now, Kruger? How do we even begin to find Myers?_

"Why don't we split up? Haddonfield isn't a bit place, right?" Ghostface suggested as a kid in a mask walked past them and stared.

Freddy shook his head. "No. We don't need to do that-look!"

He pointed his clawed hand at a sign; Tower Farm Halloween Party ***ADULTS ONLY***

Ghostface stared at it, clueless. "So? What does that have to do with-"

Jason slapped his forehead and Freddy sighed. _Okay, try to keep up here, fuck face._

Ghostface nodded. "Okay. I'll try my best."

_The whole reason that Michael kills is to destroy his bloodline. That part is going to be where the greatest number of people is going to be, so that's where he'll be. Simple._

"Exactly!" Freddy said, "But the only question is where he is now..."

"And how the hell are we going to stop that psycho before he kills the entire town-and worse, me!" Ghostface asked dismally.

Jason rolled his eyes. _Don't you mean us?_

He shook his head. "No. I'm pretty sure that I mean me."

_God,_ Freddy thought as they walked, _we're so screwed..._

Jason looked over at him with his eyes narrowed. _I heard that._

"Like I give a fuck." Freddy muttered.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

He could feel it. Michael could feel the hold that his little niece, Jamie, had over him. From the minute that he had killed that police officer he had felt it, seen her lying all scared in her bed at her house screaming.

Yes, she along with probably her whole adopted family knew that Michael Myers had returned to Haddonfield. Michael would still kill her, either way he would kill her...Making his way out of the Myers house-that is where they surely would come looking first-he quietly stalked out of the door.

Where would he go? Who would he kill first? He didn't care or know, but where else to raise a little hell other than the Halloween party at the old Tower Farm? Then if she wasn't there he would go to Haddonfield and tear up every home until he found her.

Because he knew, he could just feel, that she wouldn't believe anything that Loomis said. Jamie was nothing but a stubborn brat.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

They searched the entire town but there was still no sign of Michael. The hour now drew late and threw was a large crowd outside of the Tower Farm. In the crowd, oddly enough, were Freddy, Jason and Ghostface.

"Where the fuck is he? God damn him!" Ghostface whined as they all looked around. Jason sighed and put his head in his hands.

_God it's hopeless! Just fucking kill us now before Michael does-_

"Shut the fuck up, fuck face! Stop thinking those pansy ass thoughts, Voorhees! Myers isn't gonna kill us, he's gonna kill his niece, Jamie or Jessie or whatever...then Loomis will kill him." Freddy said as he scratched his head. "Where the fuck could he be?"

Jason shook his head slowly and looked down at his feet. _No way. No fucking way. Maybe now we should split up._

Ghostface nodded in agreement as two hot blond girls with skimpy Halloween costumes walked by. "Uh yeah...we should _definitely_ split up."

"Okay," Freddy said, crossing his arms and beginning for the first time in a very long time to actually think, "we'll split up. Jason you to east, I'll go west and Ghostface you'll go-"

"Got it, bye!" and Ghostface ran away after the blond girl before anyone could stop him.

"Okay..." Freddy said as he turned to Jason, "see you in an hour." and they both went their separate ways.

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

AN HOUR LATER

Freddy met Jason in the same spot. "Well? Did you find that motherfucker?"

Jason shook his head. _No. And Ghostface isn't here either._

Just as he said this, as if on cue, Ghostface came bursting out of one of the tents with two big breasted blond girls on both arms, his shirt off and his pants unzipped. Freddy covered his eyes. "What the fuck, man?! Put your clothes back on!"

Jason glared at him. _What the fuck is wrong with you? We're supposed to be looking for Michael!_

Ghostface shrugged. "I was getting fucked, man."

"Oh shit, you're high too?" Freddy asked. He nodded and and giggled.

"Hell yeah."

Jason grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the girls. _Well come on! You can get your dick sucked later, okay? Now we have to look for Michael!_

Ghostface just stared at him and laughed again. "Will you suck my dick?"

_Uh...no. Probably not. No, scratch that-definitely not. _

"If you can find Myers then we'll get him to suck your dick for you!" Freddy said as he looked up at the starry night sky.

Neither Jason or Ghostface made a move to leave so Freddy sighed and took their sleeves-or in Ghostface's case his wrist-and began to lead them away. "I'm getting too old for this shit!"

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

Meanwhile Michael was busy stalking a teenage Jamie Lloyd while she aimlessly talked on the phone in her house. "Like, I know right? Oh yeah, totally! No...he didn't! He did! O-M-effing-G, girl!"

Michael narrowed his eyes and yawned on the inside of his mask. He had forgotten how tedious killing a teenager could be. Just then Jamie hung up the phone and went out of Michael's range. He sighed and followed her around the house and crept up to one of the living room windows.

_Easy kill. _His brain screamed as he walked away from the window and to the unlocked back door. Michael didn't hesitate to invite himself in then venture up the stairs to hide until Jamie found him...

Just as he turned to go up the stairs, Jamie came out of the living room with her too short shorts and a skimpy top, as most all horror movie scream queens have. Upon seeing Michael standing there in the doorway she dropped the bowl of popcorn she had been holding and screamed...and screamed...and screamed some more.

Then she pointed at Michael and yelled, "Oh my God you're Michael Myers! What am I gonna do? Ahhhhh!"

Michael narrowed his eyes. _You've seen me before, idiot. I look the same...unless!_ His eyes got wide as he began to turn in circles, trying to look at his butt. _Have I gotten fatter?!_

Jamie just looked at him like he was a total idiot. "What are you doing?"

Michael stopped spinning around and faced her. He raised his knife and started to stab Jamie, but she turned around and ran up the stairs screaming bloody murder. Michael just stood there and ran his fingers through his hair distractedly.

_Great, _he thought, _just great. She's a runner._

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

Michael followed Jamie up the stairs and down a hall. She was standing at a locked door pounding away at it with her fists, trying to break the knob so that she could get inside. "Please open the door!" but since no one was on the other side, it stayed locked.

Michael rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. _Out of all the doors in the house she picks the locked one!_

Suddenly the door gave way and Jamie stumbled through into the cluttered room. It took a second for Michael to catch up, but when he got into the bedroom he looked around...

An open window, a bed and a closet. He shook his head. _Gee I wonder where this is from...major deja vu._

He went over to the closet and pulled on the door, trying to get it open. When it didn't budge and Michael heard Jamie scream inside, he punched a hole thorough the closet door and forced his hand inside.

Inside the closet Jamie let out a scream and instead of doing anything productive, she whipped out her cell phone and made a call...

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

Elsewhere in Haddonfield at the Tower Farm Halloween party, Ghostface's cell phone rang. He managed to fish it out of his pants pocket and answer it. "Hello?" a short pause; "Who the hell is this?"

Freddy leaned close to Ghostface and listened to the call. "Please help me...Michael Myers is in my house."

Freddy gasped but Ghostface just scoffed and said, "Why don't you call the police then?"

"But...please I'm so scared..."

"Listen, chick! You don't know how lucky you are that Myers is in your house! We've been looking for him all night! So why don't you do yourself a favor and just slit your own throat before he does it for you!" Ghostface yelled into the phone as he slammed it shut and threw it against the ground. It shattered into a million pieces.

Jason stared at it with an empty feeling inside; he was pretty sure whatever of his soul that had been left still alive had died just then. Freddy, on the other hand, jumped at Ghostface, slicing him up with his claws.

"What the fucking _hell, _man?!" Freddy howled as he wrapped his hands around Ghostface's throat and started to strangle him.

"I can't breath!" Ghostface choked out. Jason just stood there, staring at the pieces of the cell phone.

"You fucking idiot! We could've asked her where Myers was and-" as he said this a police car came speeding from the festival, sirens blaring. Freddy gasped and dropped Ghostface's limp carcass to the ground. "There!" he said, pointing, "You see that?"

Suddenly Jason snapped back to life. _Yeah...cop cars? Now where do suppose they're in a hurry to get to?_

Freddy jumped to his feet and left Ghostface laying on the cold concrete to grip his throat and gasp. "C'mon," he said as he began to follow the police car, "let's follow that car!"

Jason rolled his eyes and hauled Ghostface to his feet. _This isn't going to turn out well._

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

Michael heard the sirens as he finally managed to wretch open the closet doors. Jamie sat in the far corner cowering and gripping her cell phone. He glared at her. _Little bitch...fucking calling the police on me. _He thought as he brought down the knife.

His aim was piratically dead on, only about an inch off. Michael's sighed and tried to pry his knife out of the floorboards but just as he did Jamie let out a yell and kicked him in the face; he allowed himself to let out a grunt of pain as he stumbled back and gripped his now bleeding nose.

_Ow! Holy shit! What the fuck! Jeez, chick! What the hell is wrong with you? You're crazier than I am..._

Jamie jumped out of the closet gripping Michael's knife and plunged it into the serial killer's stomach. Michael gasped and closed his eyes, let the life drain out of him.

Just then Freddy, Jason and Ghostface burst into the room, breathing hard. Jamie began to cry all over gain. "No...not more of them!"

"Relax!" Freddy said, "We're just here to take back Myers. Ghostface if you would please go make sure that Myers is still alive before we even bother hauling him out."

Ghostface nodded and knelt down beside Michael. After about a minute he gasped and laid his head on Michael's chest. "Oh my God! He's not breathing! I think he needs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"

Jason narrowed his eyes and indicated Michael's rising and falling chest. _No he doesn't. He's breathing fine._

Freddy just sighed and said to Jamie, "Please excuse them as they are idiots. Now if you will please clear the area. You're not gonna wanna be around when the police get-"

Suddenly Michael jumped to his feet, removed the knife from his chest and pushed Ghostface away from him. _Kill the girl! _He thought savagely as he launched himself at her.

They both stumbled out into the hall. Freddy cursed and tried to break them up when the sound of clicking guns came behind him; he turned to see the whole Haddonfield police force standing with their guns pointed at Michael. Dr. Loomis came out of the mass of police men.

"Step back, mister Kruger."

Freddy swallowed and let go of Michael and Jamie, held his hands in the air. "I wasn't-"

"Michael, let her go."

Michael looked helplessly from Jamie to his roommates and to the loaded guns. He sighed and loosened his grip on his niece. _God I hate this part._

But just as she tired to break free, he forced his knife into her stomach. Loomis gasped and the sheriff lowered his gun slightly. Ghostface and Jason just glanced at each other. "Did he really..."

Jason nodded and thought, _Yep...he did._

Everyone was silent for another moment so that the only thing that could be heard was Jamie's dying cries. Michaels stood there and finally let the body drop to the ground. Then, in an instat the police opened fire and Michael dropped onto the ground.

Freddy sighed and crawled over to him, feeling bullets sinking into his burnt flesh. "Voorhees! Get your disfigured ass over here and grab his shoulders...fuck face you grab-"

"His ass, got it." Ghostface said. He was already there, gripping Michael's butt with childish delight. "I love Halloween."

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

_And that's what happened, is it? _Michael thought as he stretched out on the couch of number 1331 Wimbleton Apartments.

Jason nodded and returned his attention to picking the bullets out of Michael's torso with a pair of tweezers. Michael made a gasping sound and slapped Jason's hand. _Watch it, dip shit! It fucking hurts!_

"Not as much as it's gonna hurt when it's my turn." Ghostface muttered as he stared at Michael's shot up and bloody chest.

Freddy rolled his eyes. "We should have just let them take you, Myers. You're too much trouble."

As he said this he flipped through the T.V. Channels. The voice of a newscaster rang out in the apartment once more; "Residents of Haddonfield, Illinois are still shocked by the recent visit of Michael Myers to their small little town. All together the fatalities added up to about three people, unusally low for one of Myer's visits. ANYWAY...the town is also morning the death of Jamie Lloyd, Michael's deceased niece. The controversy of where her baby boy will go remains under debate and-"

Michael's eyes got wide. Everyone stared at him. _So...so you mean to tell me that the fucking bitch had a kid?_

Freddy nodded. "Yep. Sure sounds that way. So that would still make you an uncle, right? I'm not 100% sure but-"

_SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH, GOD DAMNED IT TO HELL...SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT FOR, GOD JUST GO TAKE A SHIT BECAUSE I'M DONE WITH IT!!! _

There was another moment of silence before Jason dared to think, _And you still lost and got shot up...wow, I'm sorry Michael._

Michael just got to his feet and went out on the balcony. _I'm going out for a second._

They all agreed that that was best. A few minutes later when Michael still hadn't come in Ghostface looked at Freddy. "You don't think that..."

He shook his head. "No fucking way. I gave Voorhees the keys. That Winnebago's not going anywhere."

But just as he said this the roar of a car engine could be heard from outside and so could the screech of tires. Jason sighed. _Yeah, happy fucking _

_{}{}_HAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEENHAPPYHALLOWEEN_{}{}_

As the episode dividers say, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

It may seem odd, but it's my favorite time of the whole year; horror movies of all kinds play on T.V. [AMC Monster/Horror Fest from October 22-31st, straight days of horror movies] and I think that it is the time to appreciate them, the old and the new.

But please just have a happy Halloween and remember to have lots of love for Michael Myers during this difficult and otherwise bloody time.

And, even during Halloween and October,

PEACE

& LOVE

3


	25. Episode 23The Rejected Devils

Episode 23 The Rejected Devils

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Nothing but dusty wasteland everywhere you looked. Plain, empty, dusty, suck ass desert. Freddy lowered the brim of his hat and tried to sleep as their old Winnebago sped down a dusty patch of highway. _Fucking great, _he thought dangerously, _I finally get a semi normal vacation, and it's in the middle of hell. Lovely._

"Well I think that it's snazzy." Ghostface piped up. Freddy gritted his teeth.

"What did I say a few miles back, fuck face?"

Ghostface didn't answer immediately. "Umm...not to hear your thoughts."

"Then why the fuck are you listening to them, you asshole?!"

"I'm sorry! I thought that-wait a second, Kruger. I'm not 'listening' to them, I'm hearing them and not tuning them out."

Freddy reached over and slapped Ghostface right in the face. "I shit on your mother's grave last night, fucker!"

_Hey, hey! _Jason thought from the passengers seat, _Watch the mommy talk, Kruger._

Michael just sighed and gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. _I swear to fucking God-_

"What Myers?" Freddy asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned in close to Michael. He said mockingly, "Whadda doin', fucker? Talking shit? Fuck you!"

They all stared at him. "What?" he asked.

"What's with you suddenly calling everyone 'fucker'?"

Freddy shrugged and plopped back down in his seat. "I dunno. It's just somethin' that I feel like fuckin' doin you fucking fucker. Now fuck off before I fuckin' break out a can of Tootie Fuckin' Fruity on your sorry ass."

They were all silent as Freddy turned and stared out the van's window. Finally Ghostface asked, "What the hell, Kruger? What is a Tootie Fuckin' Fruity?"

_Well what's a Jeepers Creepers? _Michael asked. _We still haven't figured that one out yet._

_Michael shut up, drive and stop ripping holes in the plot; Kruger buckle up your seatbelt, shut your mouth and keep your thoughts to yourself. Ghostface...well, why don't you just go jump in a lake?_

Michael sighed calmly and nodded. _Yeah. That's what I gotta do. Just keep my eyes on the road...no more stress in my life, not anymore. No sir, none of that for me._

"Hey, freak show! The hockey puck said to keep your fucking eyes on the road!" Freddy yelled from the backseat.

_Oh my God, oh my good God. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to utterly butcher him..._

"Ah, you couldn't kill a kitten if you wanted, you pussy." Freddy said as he began to scratch on the window with his claws.

A horrible screeching sound filled the van and everyone covered their ears. "What the...Kruger _stop it!_"

"Make me!"

Ghostface looked from Freddy to the window and began to whine, "Jaaaaaaaason!"

_WHAT?!_

"Freddy keeps annoying me!"

_Well why don't you just ignore him?_

"Because I can't or-"

Suddenly the van came to an abrupt stop. Once the dust had cleared a house came into clear view. The yard was laden with all kinds of junk and there were empty beer bottles littered the ground, and within a matter of seconds a number of police cars sped past them, up the driveway, and police men hopped out and aimed their guns at the seemingly lifeless house.

"What the fuck? Why did you stop the van?" Freddy asked as he started to get out. Ghostface caught him and pulled him back in the van a second before the first shot rang out. It shattered a window and was followed by numerous other shots, both coming from the police officers and the inside of the house itself.

They all stared at the gunfight until a bullet crashed through the van's front window. Michael gasped and thought, _Get down!_

For what seemed like minutes they were all hiding flat on the floor of the van but soon the gunfire ceased. "What the fu-um...hell was that?" Ghostface asked.

Jason dared to raise his head a little and look out of the shattered window. _I don't know but I just pray that it didn't have anything to do with (A) Chainsaws or (B)Anything involving leather or faces. _

They were all silent for a second then Freddy asked what everyone was thinking, "So...who's going out first?"

_Depends on who we can afford to lose the most. _Michael thought, staring right at Freddy.

"Why me?"

_Because I don't like you._

Just as Freddy opened his mouth to say something particular nasty, Jason interrupted. _Well I think that we should keep Kruger because since his body has already been set on fire, if we ever get stranded without food he'll already be cooked. We need Michael because he's the only one who knows how to drive the Winnebago-_

"Right. And I love how you totally forget the time that I had to drive us away from Leatherface while Myers was passed out in the back. Real nice." Freddy said bitterly. Everyone ignored him.

_-and obviously we should keep me because I'm just awesome. That only leaves Ghostface._

Ghostface looked at the other three and asked nervously, "B...but why me?"

"Because we hate you. And you're the second biggest prick here."

"Who's the first?"

Freddy nodded in Michael's direction. "Myers. He eats dogs and rats for Christ sake!"

"Well I'm not going." Ghostface said. They all glared at him.

_[Oh yes, there will be blood]_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The police all turned around as Ghostface was thrown out the Winnebago. He coughed as the dust filled his lungs. Only when a police officer actually came over to him and asked, "Hey, son. You all right?"

Ghostface nodded, got to his feet and dusted himself off. "Yeah. I'm fine, but me and my roommates here-" he motioned to the Winnebago, "-were just wondering what you and the other cops were shooting at."

"Well I'm glad you asked that, son. Come and walk with me while I disclose classified information to you that no one but the police force and the investigating officers are supposed to know." and the cop began to walk towards the house.

Ghostface followed him, but Freddy stuck his head out of the window of the van and asked loudly, "Hey, fuck face? Is it okay to come out?!"

"Yeah," he called back, "it's fine! The nice police officer here was just going to tell me some super secret information."

"Kick ass!" Freddy exclaimed as he hopped out of the van. He turned to Jason and Michael as they to tried to get out. "You two stay here and watch the van."

_But-_

Michale began. Freddy cut him off. "No butts of pussies for you, Myers. You and Voorhees have to stay here while me and fuck face follow a stranger into a dark and abandoned house in the middle of nowhere."

Jason shrugged. _Fine. You go and we'll stay here and chill._

And Freddy got out of the van and hurried to catch up with Ghostface. The cop led them inside the house where he met up with the sheriff. "Oh shit. Not another sheriff." Ghostface mumbled.

Thankfully nobody heard him. The sheriff just showed the other police officer something and said, "You see this piece of shit? This belongs to a clown named Spaulding. Capitan Fucking Spaulding."

The cop nodded and took it. "Okay. I'll-"

"So when you say that it belongs to Captain Fucking Spaulding is that, like, his full name?"

The sheriff raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, boy?"

"Is 'Fuck' really a part of his name?"

"Seems like an odd name to me." Freddy commented.

The cop shook his head and walked away, left Freddy, Ghostface and the sheriff alone. He could tell that there was going to be trouble. "Well I guess not." the sheriff said. "His name is just Captain Spaulding."

"Then why do you people say 'fuck' so much?" Freddy asked. The sheriff shrugged.

Ghostface glanced at Freddy. "You know what? I smell something weird around here and it sure as hell ain't teen spirit...more like rock and grunge music and sweat. Yeah, lots of sweat."

The sheriff nodded like he understood, but leaned close to Freddy and whispered, "What the fuck is that boy talkin' about?"

"I really don't know. Just play along. That's what I always do."

"Alright then." and he looked at both of them and then at the other police men that were searching the house and hauling out dead and decomposing bodies. "You know who did this?"

Ghostface glanced at Freddy and then asked tentatively, "Are we supposed to?"

The sheriff acted like he hadn't even spoke. "The Devil's rejects."

Everyone in the room gasped and stopped what they were doing. "Uh...the what now from the who when?" Freddy asked obliviously.

"The Devil's rejects."

"Oh. That's what I thought you said, I just prayed to God it wasn't."

"What do you mean?" the sheriff asked.

"Well it seems like a pretty punk ass name. Couldn't you think of something a bit more kick ass?"

"Yeah," Ghostface agreed. "and besides, what does that even mean? The Devil's rejects. Pft. So were they rejected from the Devil's school or something when they were young? Is that why they kill?"

Freddy laughed. Everyone else in the room glared at them murderously. "Yeah. How pitiful must you have to be to get rejected by the _Devil?_"

Both him and Ghostface doubled over in laughter right before the sheriff took out his gun and aimed it straight at Freddy's head. "Motherfucker get out."

"Uh...right. We were just leaving." he elbowed Ghostface in the ribs and motioned to the door. They both ran out the room, screaming with their arms flailing.

As they both got into the van Jason thought, _What's going on?_

"I really don't know. All I know is that Myers is gonna drive us to the old gas station we passed a few miles back." Freddy said as he peered over at Michael.

Michael seemed surprised. _We passed a gas station?_

"There's always an old gas station in places like these. Duh."

_Kruger will you please just tell us what's going on? _Jason asked.

"Okay. Well it turns out that-"

"Oh, wait! I wanna tell it!" Ghostface interrupted as he raised his hand and jumped up and down.

Jason rolled his eyes. _I don't care who tells it as long as it gets told._

Michael slowly backed the Winnebago out of the dirt driveway. _Oh, yeah, Voorhees. That totally made sense._

_Shut up!_

_Fuck you!_

_Fuck me? _Michael thought, _Fuck you!_

"Okay!" Freddy howled, "Can we please just stop fucking each other and let fuck face tell the story?"

Once everyone was under control Ghostface told Michael and Jason everything that he and Freddy had learned. In the end both silent killers stared at him with wide eyes. Jason was the first one to think.

_So...we're going to look for a clown named Captain Fucking Spaulding?_

"Just Captain Spaulding," Freddy corrected. "The 'Fucking' part is silent."

Jason nodded. _Right, right. How could I be so stupid? The 'Fucking' is always silent. Anyway, we're going to get involved in a problem that isn't even ours._

Both Freddy and Ghostface nodded and said simultaneously, "Right!"

Michael sighed. _This is like a bad Rob Zombie movie...now that I think about it..._he sniffed the air. Jason looked at him oddly.

_Uh...Michael? What the hell are you doing?_

_Ssh! _Michael thought, putting a finger to the lips of his mask. He sniffed again. _You smell that? It smells like rock music and decaying flesh...it's Rob Zombie!_

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Yeah. And you really needed to ssh us to smell the air, huh?"

_But don't you get it? It's so obvious! That's why we've been saying 'fuck' after every other word! That's what it's like in Rob Zombie movies! _Michael thought more excitedly now as he turned the steering wheel a little to the left. _If this is like a Rob Zombie movie then all we have to do is-_

"Shut the fuck up, Myers and save the world your pitiful theories." Ghostface said. "We've got a mystery on our hands and you want to waste your time thinking of fucking theories? Jeez. What an idiot."

Freddy nodded. "Yeah. Everyone knows that you're full of fucking crap, Myers, so I say that we all ignore you. This obviously isn't like a Rob Zombie movie and this _is_ obviously our business. Everything in this whole world is my business, so I say that we split up and search for clues."

_Hmm. _Jason thought, _I wonder where you came up with that idea, Kruger? Let's split up and search for clues, huh? Can someone please cue the Scooby Doo theme song?_

"Fuck you," Freddy said as they van went speeding along through the abandoned desert.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_What the fuck? Why is there a gas station in the middle of fucking nowhere? _Michael thought as they pulled into the parking long. Freddy and Ghostface were eagerly hopping up and down in their seats, anxious to fuck up something.

Just before they sprang out of the Winnebago, Jason turned to them and thought, _OK, guys. Listen up, because I'm not getting run down by a giant Texan wielding a chainsaw again. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna-_

"First off, fuck you, Voorhees. We're not slowing down because you're too much of a pansy. We're not even in Texas to begin with. We're in somewhere that's not relative to the plot line of this story, so it doesn't matter. Shut up. Second, we're doing what _I _say because _I'm _the only one of us can talk, so I'm automatically the smartest, strongest and just the best. Third-"

"Wow. Nice way to just ex me out of the whole equation. Bravo." Ghostface said as he went to get out of the van.

The others didn't follow; they just continued arguing in the van. Ghostface sighed and turned away, but gasped at the man that was standing in front of him. It was a clown. A bald clown with a burly beard and face paint. He smiled merrily at Ghostface, exposing a mouthful of yellowed teeth.

Ghostface swallowed and tried to back away. "Umm...sorry sir. Didn't mean to-"

The clown laughed and reached out to pat him on the shoulder. "Aw, it's okay, son. Just do me a favor and tell your friends in there to get out of the van."

Ghostface looked from the clown to the van and then remembered...

_"You see this piece of shit? This belongs to a clown named Spaulding. Capitan Fucking Spaulding."_

"Sir? You wouldn't happen to be Captain Fucking Spaulding, would you?"

The clown paused and thought about it, then he nodded and laughed again. "Why sure, son. I fucked a few times before. Now if you wouldn't mind telling your friends to get outta the van. I need it for...umm...official clown business."

Ghostface shook his head and slowly found the knife that he always kept in his sleeve. "Sorry, Spaulding. I can't do that."

The clown frowned. "Well why not?"

"Because I hate clowns!" and Ghostface lunged at him with the knife, but Spaulding was to quick for him. He picked Ghostface up right off the ground and flung him against the hood. He began pounding away him as Freddy, Jason and Michael watched from the inside of the van.

After a moments hesitation Freddy asked in a flat tone, "Hey guys?"

_Yeah, Kruger? _They thought together.

"Why is Ghostface getting beat up by a clown?"

"Captain Spaulding will teach you to say no to him, motherfucker!" the clown yelled. Freddy gasped and tapped his head irritably. Jason sighed.

_What are you doing now?_

"It's nothing I'm sure, but doesn't that name sound familiar? God it's on the tip of my tongue..._where is it from?"_

Ghostface managed to sputter out, "He's one of the Devil's rejects!"

But Freddy ignored him. "I know that I've heard it before...Captain Spaulding? Hmm..."

Both Michael and Jason just glanced at each other then thought, _HE'S ONE OF THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, YOU IDIOT!!!_

Freddy gasped and exclaimed, "He's one of the Devil's rejects! Of course! I knew that I could remember it!" then he turned to the others with a worried look on his face. "Oh my gosh, you guys! Ghostface is in trouble! Come on!"

They all hopped out of the Winnebago but nobody came to Ghostface's aid. Freddy just began jumping up and down and yelled, "Yeah! Go ahead, Spaulding! Kill him!"

The clown raised his fist to punch Ghostface one more time but noticed that the vehicle was no longer occupied. He smiled and let Ghostface's unconscious body fall onto the ground then he jumped in the van. Michael's eyes got wide.

_My van! What the fuck?!_

And he chased it as Spaulding quickly backed out of the parking lot and drove away. He stuck his head out the window and cried, "Fuckers! Suck my dick!"

They all watched the van speed away. Freddy sighed and adjusted his hat on his head, then he looked from Michael to Ghostface. "Who the fuck left the keys in the ever loving van?"

Ghostface made a grumbling noise from his spot on the ground and rolled over. Jason glared at Michael. "You? You left the keys in the van, Myers?"

He nodded and looked down at the ground. _Uh yeah. I...uh, I may have left the keys._

"Left the keys where, Myers? On the counter back home? In the gas station?" Freddy pried. Michael shook his head.

_No. I, umm...I may have left them in the ignition._

"The ignition of what, I wonder? Of Ghostface's ass?"

Once again he shook his head. _No. I may have left them in the ignition of the Winnebago._

Freddy nodded and began to pace back and forth, his feet stirring up dust. He walked with his hands behind his back and spoke in a steady tone, not angry but not happy. "Hmm. Interesting. Which Winnebago? Be specific, Michael. Surely it wasn't _our Winnebago._"

_Uh, yeah. I think that I may have possibly left them in the ignition of our Winnebago. And, umm...I'm sorry?_

He looked to Jason for help, but he said nothing as Freddy strode right up to him and said calmly. "You're sorry? You're sorry that you _may _have _possibly _left the keys to our Winnebago in the ignition?"

Michael nodded and didn't look at Freddy as he thought, _Yeah. I'm sorry._

"Hmm. I see."

_Yeah._

"You're sorry, huh?"

_Yeah. Real sorry._

Then Freddy absolutely exploded, his eyes bulging out of their sockets. "YOU STUPID PIECE OF USLESS SHIT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE, YOU FUCKING RETARD?! AND YOU'RE _SORRY? _YOU'RE SORRY THAT YOU _MAY _HAVE _POSSIBLY _LEFT THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION SO THAT IT COULD BE HIJACKED BY A FUCKING CLOWN?!"

Michael nodded, his eyes wide and full of fear. _Yeah. I'm really, really, really-_

Freddy lunged at Michael, punching and stabbing everything that was within his reach. "I HATE YOU, I HATE EVERY ONE OF YOU!"

Jason had to pry Freddy off of Michael before things really got ugly. _Come on now, Freddy. It was an accident. Besides, we can still find the van._

"Yeah but what about him?" Freddy spat as he motioned to Ghostface. "How are we gonna haul him around?"

Just as he said this Ghostface let out a sick gurgling noise, managed to clumsily lift his mask and spat out three or four teeth and a mouthful of blood into the dust. Then he let out a painful moan and collapsed again.

Michael said nothing as he dropped to his knees and then became unconscious as well, blood beginning to seep out of his mask. Freddy let out a yell of rage and kicked dirt up into the air. Unfortunately it just blew back into his eyes and blinded him. As Freddy danced around rubbing the dirt out of his eyes Jason sighed.

_Yep, _he thought hopelessly, _we're officially screwed._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

In the end Freddy had to carry Ghostface over one shoulder. Jason carried Michael, the second biggest killer behind himself, over his shoulder as well. They walked along the edge of the highway for hours, but the sun never seemed to get any lower in the sky. Freddy sighed and wiped the sweat off of his forehead.

"Isn't there a thing called, gee, I dunno, _night _around here?!"

_Just shut up and keep walking. _

They both walked in silence for a little longer then, "Wooooah...and beat it. Just beat it. You have to show them that you're really not scared. You're playing with your life, this ain't no truth or dare. Just beat it. Just beat-"

_What the hell?_

"What?" Freddy asked as he shifted Ghostface's weight from one shoulder to the other, "I'm bored as fuck. What do you want me to do?"

_Well for starters I don't want you to sing Michael Jackson songs._

Suddenly a voice piped up. It sounded slurred and horrible. "Oh mommy. I don't wanna go to school today. Everyone's mean to me..."

Jason looked around. _What the hell was that?_

"Ghostface. He's being emo again." Freddy hissed. They continued walking, listening to Ghostface's slurred speech.Finally a dingy motel came into view. They both let out a sigh of relief and hurried to it.

Just as they stepped foot in the nearly empty parking lot, a girl in a shirt and a crudely made mask of flesh came running out of one of the rooms, her arms waving around. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. Freddy released Ghostface's unconscious body and let it fall onto the hard pavement of the parking lot. He covered his ears.

"Hey, get a room, bitch!"

The girl ran right past him and Jason and into the road. Out of nowhere an 18 wheeler came speeding around the bend and slammed into her. A shower of bloody chunks covered Freddy and Jason.

_Great. _Jason thought dismally, _that's just dandy. Now we look like zombies!_

Freddy tried to wipe the gory gook off of him and spat out a large chunk of flesh. "Incompetent zombies."

On the ground Ghostface shifted and managed to raise his head and look up at Freddy. "Wh...what's going-"

"Hey! What the fuck are you guys doin' here?"

They all whirled around. It was a young, skinny blond girl standing in the same doorway of the room that the run over girl had ran out of. She had a gun in her right hand and a knife in her left. "Seriously," she said in an annoyingly girlish sounding voice, "what the fuck are you guys doin'?"

"Who's 'dat?" Ghostface asked groggily. Freddy glared down at him and kicked him hard in the head, making him, once again, unconscious.

"Shut the fuck up, idiot. That's obviously-"

"Did or did I just not ask you a question, motherfucker?" suddenly the girl was right in his face. She was a cute kid, young and innocent looking. Freddy couldn't suppress a smile as he patted her on the head.

He said in mock sweetness, "Now listen here, honey. I'm not the kind of man that you wanna go pointing guns at, see? I'm Freddy-"

"I don't give a fuck who you are, just get in that motel room and maybe I won't have to fuck you up."

Freddy's smile dissolved and he asked, "What did you just say?"

"I said get in the house, motherfucker!" she clicked the hammer back on the gun and pressed right between Freddy's eyes then poked his cheek and giggled. "Wow, you're pretty crispy, aren't you fella?"

"Jason..."

_Already on it. _Jason thought as he began to get out his machete. The girl turned the gun on him, managed to press it right against his temple, and fired four times before the gun clicked empty. She frowned and backed away, still pointing the gun at Jason.

Freddy waited and waited for it, for Jason to bounce back suddenly and slash her in half with his machete, but he didn't; he just fell to the ground without another sound, letting Michael's body fall off his shoulders. The girl jumped up a little and giggled, her blond curls bouncing lightly on her shoulders.

"What the hell..."

"Get in the room." she said, now glaring at Freddy. Out of nowhere she pulled a gun out of her pants and aimed it at him.

_Jeez, _Freddy thought as he allowed himself to be led back to the motel room, _haven't they ever heard of reloading? Don't need to buy a gun every time you run out of bullets..._

Why didn't they know this? Why could the Devil's rejects pull guns out of their pants? Because they were just that purely homicidal. So yeah. Eat that.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Hours later an old Winnebago pulled into the parking lot of the motel. A man with clown paint stepped out of the vehicle and stared at the black cloaked figure laying in the dust and the mess of roadkill on the road. Spaulding shook his head and smacked his lips.

"Now ain't that ashame? Tsk, tsk, tsk. What a tragedy." and he stomped towards the motel room.

Once his footsteps faded, Ghostface dared to raise his head. God, did he have a headache. _I'll have to pay Freddy back for that..._he thought to himself as he slowly got to his feet.

The truth was that every part of his frame hurt, but what could he do now? "Just save their sorry, miserable..." his voice trailed off as he crawled over to the Winnebago, all the while looking back to the room to see if anyone was coming out.

With careful precision he made his way to the driver's side and climbed in. Okay, so he hadn't driven in a while, but he was sure that he could-just as his feet tapped a pedal, the van was sent rolling backward, crunching over Jason's seemingly lifeless body.

"Shit! Oh...I mean _fuck!_" he yelled in frustration as he stomped on the gas and looked around. The door to the room came flying open, the young girl peeking out. Her eyes darted around the parking lot until she saw the moving van.

She smiled wickedly and retreated back inside. Ghostface sighed. "Ha. I was too smart for her." and made the Winnebago ease out of the parking lot a little more, slowly edging his way into the now empty road.

In a second gunfire filled the air as Captain Spaulding and the girl, Baby Firefly, came bursting out of the room, shooting like mad at Ghostface. He gasped and ducked under the dash as he pressed the pedals a little more, edging blindly into the road. The firing stopped, though.

Baby Firefly turned to Spaulding and hissed, "Stop it! We're just waisting bullets now! C'mon and let's call Otis. He can take care of that motherfucker and his friend."

"Which one?" Spaulding asked, motioning to Jason's now crushed and lifeless corpse. "Tweedledee or Tweedledum?"

She smiled. "Tweedledumber. Now c'mon and let's go check on that other one inside."

"What if he drives off?"

"He won't. Look at him. He don't even know the gas from the brake!" they both went back inside, leaving Ghostface to cower in the Winnebago feeling hopelessly and utterly alone.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy sighed and looked over at the alarm clock that sat next to the bed. It just kept blinking annoyingly 12_:00...12:00...12:00..._

Baby Firefly and Spaulding came back in the room laughing. The clown strode over and slapped Freddy on the back like they were friends. "Well now, sonny. Looks like your friend got the better of you."

"You mean the one in the hockey mask?" he asked hopefully. If anyone could get him out of here, it was Jason...well, maybe not. But still, it helped to have some false hope to hold on to.

The girl just sat down next to Freddy. "Looks like you're stuck here with us until Otis gets here to take you away."

"Otis? Who's Otis?"

Spaulding and Baby Firefly glanced at each other and smiled knowingly. They said together, "You'll find out."

No. Freddy would most certainly not find out. He had no mind to. He just smiled at them and said in the most innocent voice he could manage, "Excuse me, but may I use the bathroom?"

The girl smiled and said playfully, "You gotta hit him first." and she motioned to Michael.

Freddy tried to act like he didn't want to as he said, "I have to..._hit him?_"

Spaulding laughed. "Yeah, yeah. Right across the face!"

"Well okay..." Freddy said. He turned to Michael. Somehow Baby Firefly had managed to drag him in here all by herself. Quite a feat for someone as small and petite as herself.

Without a trace of remorse in his eyes, Freddy raised his clawed hand and smacked Michael right in the face. Since Michael was only half conscious, he just let out a grunt of pain and recoiled, still not fully sure of what was going on.

Spaulding and Baby Firefly laughed insanely before permitting Freddy to go use the bathroom. He hurriedly got up, went to the bathroom and slammed and locked the door. "Now hurry up in there," the girl's sweet voice called to him. "we don't wanna have to come in and get you."

"Don't worry," he called back, "you won't."

He looked around the bathroom looking for something, anything, that might be able to help him. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" he hissed as he checked the medicine cabinet. Nothing but a bunch of pills.

Then he looked up and saw his salvation; a single window, just big enough for him to crawl through. With a huge smile plastered on his face he went over to the window, unlatched it and climbed out...

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

A loud, rumbling truck came pulling into the parking lot and came to a screeching halt. A man stepped out, a man with long, blondish hair and a thick beard. He looked around with a sneer on his face then went over to the room where Spaulding and Baby Firefly were in. He knocked on it and waited. It opened quickly and sounds of shouting came drifting out into the dusty wasteland.

"What do you fuckin' mean he got away?!"

"He got away. What the fuck do you want me to tell you?"

"I want you to tell me that you can actually do something right for once! Jeez..."

"Oh, c'mon, Otis! Give the kid a break! She just made a mistake is all! We can get 'em back easy. He can't have gone too far."

"Ah, fuck you man."

"Fuck me?"

"Yeah, fuck you."

"Well then fuck you!"

Otis came stomping out of the room carrying with him a sawed off shotgun and a case full of bullets.

Baby Firefly was following close behind, pulling at his shirt like a little kid looking for attention. "Otis! Where you goin'?"

"Find me them fuckers. They can't have gone far. You stay here. Spaulding will you please just go and jump in a fuckin' lake for me?"

Spaulding spat on the ground and yelled back, "Ah, go jump in a fuckin' orgy, you fucker."

"That doesn't even make sense, you stupid fuck." Otis hissed as he jumped in the truck and backed out of the parking lot. "Imma go kill me some fuckers. But hey, what's that?" he asked as he rolled over Jason's body.

"That there's one of them. I think that he's dead but-"

"Hell, Spaulding, this fucker ain't dead. Look at him. He's still breathing. Didn't you two check to see his pulse or something?" Otis asked as he got out and tried to haul Jason's corpse into his truck.

Both shook their heads idiotically. Otis sighed. "Well anyway we can't just go leavin' dead things in the parking lot. What the hell's the matter with you two?"

"Sorry." Baby Firefly mumbled.

Spaulding grumbled a nearly silent, "Yeah. Sorry."

"Well that's fine. Just try and be a little more careful. Now I'm gonna go take this fucker off a ways and finish him off. You two think you can handle things until then?"

"When you come back can we get outta here?"

He shrugged. "Supposin' that you and Spaulding can finish the rest off, then yeah. See ya later." and he got into the truck once again and was soon on the road with one hand on the steering wheel and the other aiming a gun at Jason.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

So in case you've lost track of what characters are where here's where things stand at this point:

Freddy is hiding somewhere close to the motel.

Jason is in the truck with Otis.

Ghostface is still crawling along the highway in the Winnebago at the pace of a dead snail because he really doesn't remember how to drive.

Michael is stuck inside the motel room trying to see straight and probably dieing-if he _could _die, that is-of internal bleeding.

Got it? Good. Now while the others were busy trying to fulfill their own plans of escape, Jason was lying half conscious in Otis' truck as they sped along the highway. That's when he felt the coldness of the gun against his skin. That sure woke him up.

Jason looked around wildly. Otis just laughed softly and turned up the radio. "Hey, you like this song?"

Jason shrugged and tried to tell him that he couldn't talk, but Otis just repeated the question and clicked the gun, his trigger finger tensing up. "I said _do you like this song?!_"

_I guess...it's okay. They've played it so many times on the radio that it's sort of done with and-_

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Jason sighed. _When will you all finally understand that I DON'T KNOW?!_

There was silence for a second then Otis slammed on the brakes and motioned for Jason to get out the truck. He climbed out and followed Otis. They walked for a few minutes then Otis stopped and sighed.

"You know that the stress of the day is really getting to me."

Jason didn't think or say anything. He just followed Otis. "You know what I'd really like right now?"

Jason still didn't answer. He just kept walking and Otis just kept talking. "I'd really like for you to answer me when I'm talking to you motherfucker!" he aimed the gun at Jason.

He sighed. _I can't talk, you backwoods hick! Piss off!_

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to piss off-OH!" he was cut short as Ghostface came hurdling out of nowhere, tackling Otis to the ground.

_Ghostface? _Jason thought as he watched Otis regain his focus and start punching Ghostface in the mouth and strangling him. _What the fuck are you doing here?_

"Motherfucker...DIE!!!" Otis yelled.

Ghostface gasped for breath and managed to rasp, "Help me! He's killing me!"

_But we can't die. We're slashers, remember!_

"I...can't...breath..."

_Oh...right. Sorry._

And Jason jumped in the fight, but by now Otis had reclaimed his gun. He raised it and shot Jason in the throat. The slasher gripped his throat and staggered backward, blood oozing from between his fingers. Ghostface began to breath again, chocking full breaths of fresh air.

"Wh...why are doing this?" Ghostface asked breathlessly as Otis knelt next to him, pulling yet another gun out his pants.

"I am the devil and I am here to do the devil's work."

With an empty look in his eyes, Otis shot Ghostface in the head.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Freddy looked around the now vacant parking lot. It was now or never. Carefully and slowly he made his way out of his hiding place and into the empty street. "Okay so fuck face has the Winni and Otis McFuckbrains has that piece of shit truck..." he looked around. That meant that he must take Spaulding's clown mobile.

The clown mobile was a rusted old car that probably didn't even work, but what could Freddy do? Play Jesus and pull a miracle out of his ass? "Fuck it." Freddy muttered as he ran up to the clown mobile. Luckily enough for him the keys were in the ignition. "Ha! Payback, bitch!"

Just as he climbed into the car Spaulding and Baby Firefly came running out the motel room, waving their arms in the air and shouting. "Stop!"

But Freddy didn't stop. Spaulding and Baby Firefly didn't even have enough time to shoot at him. Freddy just started the car, backed out of the parking lot and sped away, leaving Michael to rot in that room.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

But thankfully enough for us, Michael wasn't rotting in the motel room. He had regained enough sense to know that he was in deep shit, so when Spaulding and Baby Firefly ran out of the room to chase Freddy, he got up and strolled right on out the door.

How could he do this?

Because he's Michael Myers and he's fucking awesome, that's why.

Anyways, once he was out Michael ran and rand and ran until he found the highway. Then he just waited until he saw an old, rusted car driving towards him at a breakneck speed. It looked like it was about to fall to pieces on that highway.

_Thank God. _He thought as the car came speeding towards him.

Upon seeing Michael standing there with blood crusted onto his jumpsuit, Freddy slammed the brakes. Sure it had been a while since he had driven, but what kind of idiot forgot how to drive? Jeez, that person must be dumb.

"Want a lift, Myers?" he asked as he rolled down the window. Michael was already getting in the car. He looked exhausted and totally drained. Then again it was hard to tell, considering the fact that he had that whole mask deal going on.

_I...WANT...TO...GO...HOME!!!_

"Okay, okay Myers. Chill out. First we have to locate a few more obligations then we can be on our way...actually no, scratch that. Then its payback. Just come on and get in the car. Hurry up. I don't have all day."

Once Michael was in the car, Freddy pressed the gas down and they were off, traveling along the abandoned and lifeless highway. Suddenly a familiar tune began drifting through the air, a tune full of life yet somehow sad and downcast...

_If I leave here tomorrow_

_Would you still remember me?_

_For I must be traveling on now,_

_'Cause there's to many places I've got to see._

_But if I stayed here with you, girl,_

_Things just couldn't be the same._

_'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,_

_And this bird you can't change._

_And this bird you can't change._

_Lord knows I can't change..._

Freddy gasped and turned to Michael, a look of triumph on his face. "Myers. I have a plan."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The shot rang out across the hills and valleys. Otis just smiled and lowered his gun, looked from one dead slasher to the other with a content look on his face. Just as he turned to leave, the clown mobile came driving out of nowhere, running him over and crushing him between the wheels.

Ghostface gazed at the car. "What's going on around here?"

Jason hauled him to his feet and dragged him to the clown mobile, not really caring what was going on at this point. Doesn't_ matter. Let's just get the hell outta here._

Once they were all safely in the car, Freddy sped off, leaving Otis behind in the dust. "Okay. Here's the deal, fuckers. I've got a plan. First we have to drive then-"

As they passed an ice cream sign Ghostface couldn't help but interrupt. "I could sure go for some ice cream right about now."

Freddy just glared at him. "What? Is that some kind of blow job deal or something?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm just sayin' that I could sure go for some Tootie Fuckin' Fruity right about now."

Freddy sighed and drove a little faster. "No way. There is no fucking ice cream in your fucking future."

{FIVE MINUTES LATER}

_Boy, I'm sure glad that we stopped. _Michael thought as he licked his ice cream cone. Jason nodded and ate some of his as well.

_Yep. You see, Kruger? It didn't kill you._

"Honestly yes it did kill me a little inside." he muttered dangerously as they sped down the highway.

"Oh c'mon, Freddy! Lighten up! Here...have some." Ghostface said as he shoved the cone in Freddy's face. He tried to move it away, but the car hit a bump and Ghostface's grip slipped; the ice cream cone splattered against his face and for one minute he was blinded.

"Ugh! Look what you did!" Freddy howled as he wiped the ice cream out of his face. He looked disgusted. Ghostface just shrugged cheerfully.

"Tootie Fuckin' Fruity."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The Devil's rejects drove along the highway swiftly. Otis was driving, his face bloodied and swollen from his encounter with the clown mobile. It was a fabulous moment as they drove, completely sure that they had evaded the law yet again, but as the car came round a bend he saw it.

Freddy, Ghostface, Jason and Michael standing behind the clown mobile, guns drawn. Otis looked up at the sky and let out a tired sigh. Freddy just smiled, knowing that he had won.

Otis reached beside him. Pulled out guns, passed them to Baby Firefly and Spaulding, who sat in the back seat.

Freddy's smile grew. He, Ghostface, Jason and Michael prepared themselves for the shower of bullets.

Otis slammed on the gas and they came speeding towards Freddy and the others, their guns aimed and ready.

But as soon as Freddy pulled the trigger he didn't hear gunfire; he heard the song again, playing loudly and sorrowfully.

_I'm as free as a bird now..._

_...and this bird you can't change._

_Lord knows I can't change._

The bullets found their way to their targets; Otis, Baby Firefly and Spaulding dropped into the car, let their guns fall out of their hands. Otis lost control of the car.

The Devil's rejects were dead.

For now.

_Won't you fly high free bird?_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

First off I've just finished the Rob Zombie movie, _The Devil's Rejects _and I surprisingly love it. The last scene is one of my favorite parts in a movie ever and although it can not compare to classic movies like _Halloween _and _Friday the 13th_ in my heart, I still enjoy it. Yes, I do cry when I watch the last _Freebird _scene. So what?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed Halloween. I know I sure did. Now episodes will be coming more regularly and please feel free to review them. I always like that.

ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU IS YOU GOT TO BE FREE...

come together right now over me.

& remember to eat some Tootie Fuckin' Fruity.


	26. Episode 24The Curse of the Vampires

Episode 24 The Curse of the 'Elves'

* * *

Freddy sighed. "Damn...it sure is a nice relaxing day. Sure is perfect, isn't it?"

"Yep." Ghostface replied calmly. "Sure is the quietest day that we've ever had."

_Perfect. _Jason agreed.

Michael nodded. _Indeed. Nothing could possibly mess this up, right?_

"Nope. Nothing." Freddy said with a shake of his head. With a heavy sigh he stretched out on the couch. The past few weeks sure had been quiet, that's for sure. No vampire attacks, zombie riots or serial killings. Nothing but the cloudy sunshine that usually comes with the autumn months and dead leaves.

Suddenly Ghostface let out a soft chuckle, just loud enough to break the silence. Freddy glared at him. "What are you laughing about, Fuckface?"

"Nothing...I was just thinking..."

_That's a surprise. Usually you boycott that sort of thing, don't you? _Jason thought with a roll of his eyes. Next to him Michael stifled a laugh.

_Ha. That's funny. You mean that he's stupid!_

_ Yes, Myers. Thank you for clarifying that. Just keep in mind that he hasn't replaced you on the idiocy scale; you're still #1._

Michael nodded and underneath his mask he smiled, not yet getting it. _Hell yeah. I'm-wait! You motherfucker! I'm not stupid!_

_ Profanity won't create world peace and it sure as heck won't make you seem smarter, idiot. _

Freddy laughed and slapped Jason on the shoulder. "That was a good one! Ha! You're such a crack head, Myers!"

_You can all go to hell! I am the most smartest person here! _Well, at least it had made sense in Michael's mind. Not so much out loud.

"Umm...guys?" Ghostface asked tentatively. They all stopped laughing and stared at him.

"Oh yeah! What were you saying?" Freddy asked, only because he felt as if he had to in order to prevent a fight from breaking out and destroying the calm serenity of the day.

"I was saying that it sure would be funny if something would just utterly kill this peaceful day, wouldn't it?"

They all laughed, knowing that no force in the universe, good or evil, right or wrong, werewolf or vampire could mess today up. Nope, nothing at all. Just as they all began to mellow out again and slowly become silent, a loud banging came from outside followed by a loud curse:

"Hey, man! What you doin'? That goes right _there, _you dig, brother? No, not there, _there _man! There! Perfect! Boy, you sure are one wacked out cat man, you know that?"

Freddy clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth. God, could he have anything? Just _one _thing? Even a peaceful, quiet day? "MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOISE?!"

Jason thought hesitantly, _I think that it's coming from out the kitchen window._

Under his mask Michael arched his eyebrows. _Have we always had a window there?_

_ Of course we have. Since, like, the second week we moved in or something. I dunno. You act like I write this stuff down._

"It doesn't matter when the damn window got there, what matters is that whoever just ruined my perfect day dies a horrible, painful death full of-"

"Horror and death?" Ghostface suggested.

Freddy reached over and stabbed him in the chest before he got to his feet and went over to the window. "No. Full of torture and that kinda shit." and he opened the window and yelled out, "Hey! Keep it down over th...oh my fucking God..." he looked up and gasped. Everyone else hurried over and also gasped.

"Wh...what is it?" Ghostface asked as he took a step back.

_It's horrible! _Michael thought woefully.

Jason didn't seem as horror stricken as everyone else. He was a very logical killer, despite popular belief. _It's jsut an-_

"Don't say it!" Freddy wailed as he dropped to his knees and began pounding his fists onto the cold tile, tears slipping down his cheeks. "It's too horrible! Never in my life did I think that I'd see anything this horrible..."

Michael shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. _I...I never thought that I'd see anything like this again...it's too unbelievable! _

"I feel sick." Ghostface said as he stumbled over to the kitchen sink and began to vomit. Jason just stood there looking confused yet royally pissed at the same time.

_It's just a new apartment complex, you guys. Not the end of the world. _

They all stared at him until he gave in and asked, _Okay, what is everyone's problem with this? So we just go over and kill them then-_

"Wrong, Voorhees! We can't kill them!" Freddy exclaimed. Jason crossed his arms over his chest like a stubborn child.

_Well why not? I wanna kill them! I hate neighbors!_

"We can't kill them because it's in our contracts." Ghostface explained. "Don't you remember that little piece of paper you signed before you moved in here?"

Jason thought back and his eyes became wide. _That was a contract?! For what?_

Michael cleared his throat and pulled a little folded up piece of paper out of the pocket of his jumpsuit. He unfolded it and read it silently:

_ON THE DAY OF THE 18TH OF JUNE, 2009 _MICHAEL MYERS_ PLEDGED THAT HE ABIDE BY THE FOLLOWING RULES ENSURING HIS SAFTEY AND THE SAFTEY OF OTHERS IN ORDER TO RESIDE IN NUMBER _1331 _of _WIMBLETON APARTMENTS:

_1} SAID PERSON PROMISES NOT TO KILL UPON THE PREMISE OF SAID RESIDENCE FOR A MINIMUM OF 31 DAYS. _

_2} SAID PERSON PROMISES NOT TO KILL THOSE WITHIN A 100 FOOT AREA AROUND PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED RESIDENCE._

_3} SAID PERSON PROMISES NOT TO SET FIRE TO, WATERLOG, DEMOLISH AND/OR SABATOGE THE RESIDENCE IN ANY WAY. _

_4} SAID PERSON MUST PAY HIS MONTHLY BILLS ON TIME._

_5} SAID PERSON MUST ENSURE THAT HIS PERSONAL POSSESIONS AND SELF REMAIN FREE OF DRUGS AND/OR NARCOTICS OF ANY KIND OR ALCOHOLIC SUBSTANCES. THIS INCLUDES ANY FROM OF CRACK/COCAINE, CRYSTAL METHAMPHETAMINE, LYSERGIC ACID DIETHYLAMIDE, ECT._

_ IF _MICHAEL MYERS _BREAKS ANY OF THESE CONDITIONS HE ALSO AGREES THAT HE MAY BE SUBJECT TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS CARETAKER MR. _J. CARPENTER. 

_SIGNITURE: _MICHAEL A. MYERS

_ INITALS: _M. A. M.

_ CONTRACT EST. 10-31-07_

When he was done, Freddy couldn't help but ask, "So you just carry that thing around with you, Myers?"

_Fuck you. _

"Well what Michael carries around on his person doesn't matter, just so long as it is drug free apparently." Ghostface said cleverly before turning his attention back to Jason. "We all had to sign one with the exact same wording and everything. So rule number 2 is the reason why we just can't go killing people willy nilly and-"

"Hey! You guys come look! The dude who moved in next to us is smoking something!" Freddy yelled over to them as he leaned out the window for a closer look at their new neighbor.

He was an odd fellow, that much was obvious. He wore a tie dye headband around his head, keeping his exceedingly long and greasy hair out of his face and his jeans were at least two sizes too big for him and ripped up. He had a single daisy stemming from his headband and tiny, slightly tented glasses that sat to low on his crooked nose. His ears came to a pointed edge.

Everyone was silent for one crucial moment then Ghostface finally managed to choke out, "He...he's an _elf?!"_

Freddy smiled. "Careful that you don't choke like you did that time you were sucking Myers' di-"

_Okay! We don't need that visual! Thank you very much anyway, Freddy, but we can most definitely do without. Right now what we should be doing is thinking of a way to breech the rules. _Jason thought as he stepped away from the window and began to think.

Michael rolled his eyes. _Yeah right. I thought that you boycotted think-_

_ You can't repeat my joke, _Jason thought.

_Well why not?_

_ Because there's a little thing called copyright infringement. It's illegal. Duh._

Michael just stood there looking quite puzzled. _Well I've never heard of it before._

Freddy sighed. "No, Voorhees is right. We've got to think of a way to knock off that hippie elf before he totally wrecks the whole place!"

Ghostface, who was still gazing fixedly out the window, pointed to a distant street sign. "Look! It's already started!"

"What?"

"That! The street sign! You remember that we used to live on West Hitchcock Street?"

He nodded. "Yeah and we used to always go 'Ha, ha, we live on West Hitch's Cock'?"

"Well there's two signs no; _600 ASHBURY _and _1500 HAIGHT ST._!"

"Oh my God!" Freddy exclaimed. "I might be more concerned if I knew what in the hell that meant!"

"It means that our new neighbor is turning this entire street into Haight Ashbury; the hippie capital of 1967!"

* * *

The plan was simple: Get the hippie elf to move out before he magically managed to transform Freddy, Ghostface, Jason and Michael into peace-loving, love-making, acid tripping anti-war hippies straight from the '60s without breaking any of the rules in the sacred contract. Sound complicated? Well it was. Is anything simple with _Scream for Me? _No, it isn't.

So Freddy dragged Ghostface, Michael and Jason outside to carry through with his plan. "Okay so all we have to do is-"

"I still say that my plan was better." Ghostface interrupted.

"Okay. So step one," Freddy turned to him and slashed at his throat. Ghostface gasped and gripped his throat, which was now neatly sliced in half.

"Shit son." he managed to say breathlessly.

"Now for step number 2. You two." he glared at Jason and Michael. "Take this and go all the way up to that damn hippie's room and throw it at him."

Jason narrowed his eyes. _That's a bomb, Kruger._

"Well lookie here, everybody! A rocket scientist! Whadda want, Obama? A freakin' Nobel Peace Prize for those fabulous words of kick assness? GO!" Freddy yelled. Michael sighed and took the bomb from Jason.

_Whatever._ _If I die it might just be a relief._

Jason sighed and followed after him. _Wait, Myers. You can't do that alone. I'm coming._

Once they had gone inside the dingy apartment, Ghostface turned to Freddy. "Wouldn't that be breaking the contract?"

"It's not technically us that's doing the killing, is it? It's the bomb."

"That's the dumbest-"

"It's flawless!"

"It doesn't even make any sense!"

"Oh sometimes I just can't help but wonder what makes me so smart." Freddy said proudly as he looked up at the apartment. He didn't notice it yet, but the people who walked past him were beginning to stare; Freddy's Christmas sweater had been replaced with a raggedy tie dye shirt and the knife that Ghostface always kept in his sleeve had been replaced with a flower.

Time was running out.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}_flowerpower_{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_This is so raging homosexual..._

_ Just shut up and knock on the door._

_ Are you sure that this is the right one?_

_ Weren't you listening at all for the past 5 minutes, Myers? The man at the front counter said that a funny looking man with pointy ears lived in room #60. This is it._

Michael took a deep breath and nodded. _Okay. I guess I'll knock then._

_ Okay. I guess that you will._

_ Yep. Totally._

Jason nodded. _Yeah. Go ahead._

_ I'm getting to it._

_ MYERS-_

_ Okay, okay, Voorhees. Jeez, take a pill or something._

_ Hesitantly _Michael reached out to knock on the door but stopped. Jason sighed. _What is it now?_

_ I...I'm a little shy when it comes to this kind of stuff._

_ I'm sorry, are you some kind of...oh, forget it. I'll do it. _Jason pushed past Michael and pounded on the door. Yelling came from the other side.

"Juliek, will you please-"

"I'm getting it, Luchesi! For the love of Hendrix..."

"Hey, man! Don't swear against the lord! It's in the 29 commandments or something..."

The door sung open to reveal a platinum blond, skinny, shirtless man with a join in his mouth. He smiled at Jason and Michael and didn't seem at all wary of the fact that they carried machetes and knifes and wore masks. He let out a breath of thick smoke.

"Hey, man! What's up?"

Jason just held out the homemade bomb. The elf just smiled some more and let out a weak little laugh. _God, _Michael thought, _he must have, like, no brain cells left._

It was true. Soon Juliek came to see who was at the door with a join also in his mouth and the same far-off expression on his young face. The second elf, Juliek, was the one that they had been watching outside the window. Unlike Luchesi he had raven black hair and grassy green eyes.

Both elves looked from the bomb to each other and began hysterically laughing. Jason frowned. _What's so funny?_

Once Luchesi could manage to take a breath, he wheezed, "Dude, we are so smashed right now and you two are some trippy cats, if you can dig on that."

Michael looked at Jason. _What did he just say?_

_ He said that he and his friend are just so wasted that they can't even think, and that they think that they're on an acid trip._

_ Oh. Why couldn't he have just come out and say that then?_

_ I don't know, but this is useless. We're just standing here with an already lit bomb with two LSD-driven elves._

Michael's eyes grew wide. _The bomb is lit? Since when?_

_ Oh shit! _Jason thought as he looked down at bomb as the little spark crept steadily closer to detonation. _I don't remember lighting this thing!_

_ Well you obviously did! Get rid of it!_

Jason scrambled to throw the bomb at Luchesi. The elf took it and hugged it to him, his aqua blue eyes glistening with something of childlike excitement. He said to Juliek, "Hey, brother! Did you see that! Those two yellow submarines just gave me a Cheshire cat! How boss is that?!"

Juliek laughed and reached over to pet the bomb. "Totally radical, man!" then he took another deep puff if his joint and sighed. "Damn, son! This is the shit!"

Jason looked over at Michael with a slightly guilty look in his eyes. _I sort of...feel bad..._

_ What?! Why?_

_ I mean, just look at them._

Both elves had collapsed onto the floor laughing and throwing the bomb back and forth, each thinking that it was a cat. Michael looked to Jason with equally guilty eyes.

_But what will we tell Kruger?_

Jason thought about it for a second. _Well we could just say that the bomb didn't go off. He'd yell at us and tell us to go inside so that we wouldn't fuck anything else up._

Michael nodded and reached over and took the bomb away from the elves. _That's what we'll do then. _

{}{}_peace_{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}_flowerpower_{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason and Michael came walking out of the apartment complex looking utterly filthy; Michael's jumpsuit had been replaced with a dirty vest and jeans and Jason's hockey mask had psychedelic colored paint on it. Freddy and Ghostface looked equally as bad.

"Well? How did it go?" Freddy asked as he tapped his metal claws together.

_How does it look like it went, dip shit? _Jason thought as he tried desperately to wipe the pain off his mask.

Michael: _Your motherfreaking bomb didn't go off! _

Ghostface sighed and looked back up at the building. "So it was a dud after all, huh?"

"Well did you see those two elves?" Freddy pried. Michael and Jason looked over at each other and simultaneously shook their heads.

They both thought, _Nope._

Freddy let out a roar of frustration. "What the fuck are we supposed to do now?"

"Umm...I have a plan." Ghostface suggested. Everyone stared at him. "Well I could call in a favor from a few..._friends._"

"What kind of _friends?_"

Ghostface just chuckled softly and pulled his cell phone out of his now brightly colored sleeve. "Very special friends."

{}{}_peace_{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}_flowerpower_{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}_love_{}{}

Soon Freddy, Jason, Michael and Ghostface were all back safely in their own apartment waiting for whoever Ghostface had called to show up. "So who exactly are these cats anyway, Fuckface?"

"Well these 'cats' as you put it are the most horrible, vile people to walk the Earth since...well, forever." Ghostface said as he looked out the window and scanned the street for any sign that his help had arrived.

Michael: _Who?_

"Shut up and wait for it Myers. They should be coming any-" suddenly a loud screech came from outside as an old Cadillac with spinning rims came to a halt across the street from their apartment. Freddy glanced over at Ghostface and shook his head.

"Oh hell no. Don't tell me you called-"

_Oh my fucking God. _Jason thought. _I should just go kill myself now because he called the fucking lep-_

_ I can't believe this shit! _Michael sighed._ This is the worst possible thing..._

"But it's only the Leprechaun! Jesus, you guys have _got _to stop doing that!" Ghostface said as he hurried over to the door of the apartment, waiting for their guest to knock.

Freddy seemed clueless. "Stop doing what?"

"That thing where no one knows what the hell you're talking about and everyone is just like, 'Oh my freakin' God, this is the worst thing ever' and then we all just commit suicide."

Jason frowned and backed away from the window. _I never realized that we did that._

"Yeah well you'd better start realizing shit..." just as Ghostface said this, there came a knock at the door. "Okay," he said, "now don't freak out. Believe it or not, leprechauns are kind of short creatures, so don't go calling him a midget or he might have to pop a cap or whatever, and also don't mention the word 'gold' or he'll have one of this psychotic breakdowns. He just got out the asylum."

And with that, he opened the door. A short man dressed in all green entered the room looking agitated. After gazing around the room he turned to Ghostface. "Try as you will, and try as you might, if you called me over here for nothing you won't live through the night!"

"Uh right. Well the thing is that we've got some..._unfavorable _new neighbors and they-"

Suddenly the Leprechaun lept up and started punching away at Ghostface. "You bastard, you dolt, you owe me drug money and it sure as hell ain't funny!"

"Wow." Freddy muttered as he and the others watched as Ghostface got the shit beat out of him. "So he really has to make a rhyme out of _everything _that he says? Like, he can't live without rhyming his sentences? Will he physically die if he doesn't-oh shit!"

The Leprechaun glared at Freddy. "You got a smart comment, asshole? I shouldn't beat your ass but I will, even if it violates me parole."

Before Freddy could respond the Leprechaun had lunged at him, roaring and snarling. Michael and Jason glanced at each other.

Jason: _Well I guess that cleaver plan didn't work._

Michael: _Obviously not._

_ Well what are we going to do now?_

Jason thought about it. _We could just go over and talk to the hippie elves before...Michael?_

But Michael wasn't listening anymore. He was now totally hippiefied with a tattered and filthy tie dye shirt, long hair and a golden peace sign hanging from his neck. He looked to Jason and smiled. _Wow. This is a horrible display of violence isn't it? MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!!!_

Jason sighed and looked down to the Leprechaun, who was still trying to rip out Freddy's throat. So the Hippie's Curse hadn't worked on him...why not? As if to answer his question, the Leprechaun turned to Jason and laughed, his face and hand covered in blood.

"You idiot, you retard, since I am Irish the Curse of the hippie elves doesn't apply. You on the other hand might as well not even try. Soon you'll be a hippie with flowers in your hair, so you might as well accept it and stand there."

Jason just glared at him and unsheathed his machete. _You're coming with me and so is Michael._

The Leprechaun laughed as he jumped on the windowsill and winked. "It's been a swell time, we should really do this again, don't you know? But for know I fear that I must go..."

And he jumped out the window, just as Jason grabbed at him. He could just feel the Leprechaun's green coattails slipping through his fingers as he reached and grappled. Jason sighed. He was gone. He watched the little creature run back to his Cadillac, slam the door and speed away into the distance.

{}{}_peace_{}{}_make love_{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}_flowerpower_{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}_not war_{}{}_love_{}{}

There was only one thing left to do now, Jason decided: Somehow guide Michael down what was probably 6 flights of stairs and into the next apartment, all the way to Juliek and Luchesi's room and talk it out.

Jason knelt down next to Michael, who had somehow managed to take an antenna from the T.V. And make a bong out of it. He leaned close to him and thought, _Michael? Michael are you still with me?_

Michael just laughed and looked at him with aloof eyes. _Ha ha...I'm as high as a motherfucker right now._

_ Michael, listen...MICHAEL?!_

But Michael wasn't listening. He took a toke and held it in for a minute. Jason sighed and slapped him, trying to snap him out of it. Michael just let out a breath of suffocatingly smoky air and held his masked cheek where Jason had slapped him. _Ow...hey, man, step off! We're all brothers here!_

_ Michael, listen to me for one...stop doing that! _Jason slapped the bong out of Michael's hands and continued. _Listen. We've got to get to that other apartment and talk to those hippie elves to get them to reverse the Curse. Do you understand the words that I am thinking?_

It took a second for Michael to nod, but he did. Then he reached over for the bong. _Just one more toke then-_

Jason got up, took the bong, opened the window and threw it out. _Hm. This window thing is coming in handy. C'mon, Michael. Let's go._

As it turned out, hippies were just as ani-work as everyone from the 1960s had said. Michael refused to walk down the stairs so Jason ended up carrying him all the way to the elf's room. He placed Michael gently on the ground by the door and knocked. It took a second before the door was opened.

Juliek smiled at him and pushed his tinted glasses up his nose a little more. "Hey, man. Like, you're that trippy cat that came over the other day..."

_Don't you mean a few hours ago?_

He nodded and ran his finger through his white-blond greasy hair. "Yeah, yeah. Right."

From behind him a voice called, "Hey, man, like, who is it?"

"It's that dude, dude."

Luchesi walked up behind Juliek, wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers. "Oh, dude. I remember that dude."

Juliek nodded. "Yep, that's the dude."

"Dude!"

"I know, dude."

"Dude..."

"Yeah, dude."

"Ah, dude."

"Du-"

_Can you please just fix my friend?! _Jason suddenly thought. When the two elves looked down at Michael their smiles faded. Luchesi slapped his forehead and Juliek cursed. _What? _Jason thought, _what's the problem?_

"This _always _happens!" Juliek cried. Luchesi sighed and bent down next to Michael. He looked right into his eyes.

"Hey, man. Was this the other dude that came with you earlier?"

Jason nodded. _Yeah. He turned-_

"Into a hippie." the two elves said together. He nodded again.

_How did you guess?_

"This always happens," Juliek said as he began rolling a fresh joint. "we sort of have that kind of effect on people. Anyway, Luchesi can fix him right then you all can go back and never speak of this again."

Jason hesitated before admitting, _Well the thing is that my roommates kind of have been trying to kill you today. You sort of messed up our day and-_

"Oh, sorry, bro. We didn't mean to harsh your mellow like that. We don't dig that." Luchesi said as he held Michael's face in his hands. He leaned close and whispered something to him, then backed away and they all watched as Michael turned back into his old self.

_Wow! _Michael thought as he looked back down at his old jumpsuit, _How did you do that?_

They both shrugged. "We're just magic like that. All hippies are."

"And plus this always happens. Since the vampire assassinations in Transylvania me and my brother have...well, let's just say that we've been trying to be a bit more peaceful. The weed and drugs help to mellow us out." Juliek said as he slapped Luchesi on the back.

_So...you're both vampires? We thought that you were elves._

They both laughed and shook their heads. "No way, man." Luchesi said. "Since that whole Dracula thing, everyone's been real uptight up in Romania. Me and my brother had to get out of there and quick. We've been drifting ever since. We figured that here might be a good place to settle for good, but apparently killing a few people isn't our biggest problem."

Jason: _Well what did you tell Michael to make him snap out of it? Maybe if we knew it, we could help._

"Well that's obvious. All you have to do to undo the Curse is say 'Hendrix' in the ear of the victim. Didn't you hear earlier when-"

Juliek glared at him. "You aren't supposed to _say _that word, dummy!"

Luchesi just hissed, exposing a pair of inch-long fangs. "Fuck you, Julie!"

"Why don't you just go to hell, motherfucker!" Juliek howled. Jason and Michael glanced at each other and then back at the two squabbling elves.

Jason: _I think it's time that we go._

Michael: _Yeah. We'll...umm...see you guys later. Much later._

* * *

"So let me get this straight...our new neighbors were actually vampires from Romania?"

Michael: _Well technically they're from Transylvania, but that's in Romania, so I guess so._

Freddy nodded and clinked his claws on the counter by the sink. "Uh huh. And they turned us into hippies...why?"

Jason shrugged. _It happens everywhere they go. Weed and drugs are sort of like a blood substitute for them and since they can't go around killing people and draining their blood...they tend to run into a few problems._

Ghostface gasped. "You...you mean that they have weed?"

Both Michael and Jason nodded. Ghostface turned and hurried out the door. "I'll be back eventually, guys!" and slammed the door. Freddy just turned back to Michael and Jason.

"Okay, that peace and love stuff is all peachy and all, but you forget to mention that part where it doesn't make sense."

Michael and Jason just stared at him. _What do you mean?_

"It's like...well it's like those _Twilight _stories. If you're a vampire, you will suck blood of whoever you god damned feel like it, so the series doesn't make sense. See, that's why it doesn't make sense. Just like your whole story here; it doesn't make sense."

Jason shook his head. _No. The Twilight series totally makes sense, you just have to be mature enough to read it._

"It's so stupid. It-"

Michael sighed and rolled his eyes. _Can we please just stop talking about Twilight?! The point is that our new neighbors aren't trying to turn us into hippies, it was just an accident._

Freddy just looked from Michael to Jason and sighed. He pushed past them and plopped onto the couch. "Whatever you guys say. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. The point is that we have neighbors and we violated our contract. But you know what he odd thing is? We've violated it before, but nothing bad has happened."

Jason took his place on the couch and shrugged. _Maybe it's a fluke. What I really want to know is why Myers' initials are M.A.M. What's your middle name anyway, Michael?_

Michael stared fixedly at the T.V. As Freddy flipped. _I...um...I don't know what you're-_

"Yeah, Myers. What's your middle name? Pretty weird initials if you ask me."

_I don't see how it matter in any case-_

Michael tried to think it quietly, but thoughts really don't have noise so it seemed like normal; _It's Audrey._

Freddy and Jason were both silent. "Wait...what?"

_I just told you and I'm not saying it again. _Michael thought moodily.

Jason just looked down at his hands. _Michael Audrey Myers, huh?_

But Freddy doubled over in laughter. "Oh my fucking god...the bitch is named Audrey! Isn't that a chick's name?!"

_Fuck you all. Why don't you just go to-_

Ghostface burst into the room, his arms laden with whole marijuana leaves. Freddy's laughter died down and everyone stared at him wide-eyed. "Fuckface what the hell..."

"You know," Ghostface said as he let the leaves drop onto the kitchen floor, "I think that maybe neighbors aren't so bad after all."

* * *

Current # of hits...680

THANK YOU.

Peace & Love

please keep reading.

I have some more really good episodes in mind.

Will it end? Maybe, but at this point there is not really an end in the near future.

Also, no more hippies for quite a while. I promise.


	27. Episode 25 Paranormally Active

Episode 25 The Paranormally Active Poltergeist Horror

* * *

It was dark. Lights out, not one sound; not of dripping water from the leaky faucet in the bathroom, not even from across the way, where two vampires disguised as elves were tripping out on acid. In San Antonio, Texas, it seemed as though all life had ceased. No lights were turned on for miles and no one was walking on the streets.

In number 1331 of Wimbleton Apartments there was only minimal life as Freddy Kruger, Ghostface, Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees lay seemingly dead inside what they once thought was the safest place for them-their two-room apartment. Freddy dared to open his eyes a crack and raggedly exhale.

His breath shown clearly in the room like smoke, just as it might on a cold winter day. Everything is cold...too cold. So cold that Freddy actually dared let a little shiver run down his spine.

_What did I ever do to deserve this? _He thought to himself. Next to him he felt Ghostface move a little, let out a moan and then lapse back into a coma-like unconsciousness. Freddy sighed slowly. _Yep. We're all screwed. And all because of one little fuck up._

Across the room, resting on the cold tile that made up the kitchen floor, Jason thought, _Actually it was a rather big fuck up, dumb ass. You know what they say; never mess with a polter-_

"Don't say it!" Freddy hissed in what he hopped was a quiet voice.

Apparently it wasn't loud enough, because in the second following his outburst, the fan that had once been firmly mounted on the ceiling of the living area fell, landing mere inches away from Freddy's face. He gasped and held in that breath until his head pounded and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Then he exhaled and looked back at the ceiling fan.

A soft yet maniacal laughter echoed throughout the room.

_Yep, _Freddy thought, _just one fuck up and our whole lives are over. Just one little..._

* * *

"Fuck up! Look what you did, Luchesi! You fucked up!"

"Hey, Juliek? YELLING ISN'T GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING, YOU IDIOT!!!"

Yes, that was what woke Freddy up early that very same morning. He gritted his teeth and tried to cover his ears, but the yelling didn't go away. Soon he just jumped to his feet, wretched open the kitchen window and yelled out across the alley, "Hey! Keep it down, bitches!"

The vampire named Luchesi crossed his long arms across his chest. "But Juliek-"

"I don't give a fuck! Just fix it!" and Freddy slammed the window shut and returned to his sleeping spot on the couch. The only problem was that Ghostface had stretched out and his feet were in Freddy's way. He tried to swat them away, but it did no good.

"Hey, Fuckface. Move your god damned feet, you prick."

Ghostface didn't move, he just shifted in his sleep and mumbled, "Muderfuckah you bedder shut the fuck up a'fore I break outta canna whoop ass on 'jew."

"Whoop ass? On me?" Freddy asked the sleeping Ghostface. He said nothing so Freddy just shrugged and wandered over into the kitchen where he opened the fridge, dug out a cold can of pork 'n beans and ripped off the top. With a smile on his face he went back to where Ghostface was still snoring loudly and poured the stuff all down his bare back.

Ghostface gasped and shouted out, "MOTHERFUCKER, YOU ASSHOLE! AHHHH!"

"I said get out my seat, fucktard!" Freddy howled as he hit Ghostface on the head with the pork 'n beans can.

Ghostface rolled off the couch, yelling and kicking. He nailed Jason right in the face, making the hulking killer open his eyes and stretch. _What's going on? What time is it?_

"Motherfucker!" was all that Ghostface yelled as he jumped to his feet and tried to wipe the bean mixture off his back. It was cold and sticky in _all _the wrong places.

Freddy smiled confidently and took his spot on the couch as Ghostface hurried into the bathroom. "It's time that Freddy whipped out a can of whoop ass on Fuckface. Now get Myers up before _I _do. I wanna watch T.V."

Jason sighed and crawled over to where Micheal was obnoxiously snoring, his plain white mask expanding and contracting rhythmically as he inhaled and exhaled. _No...no...don't do that! _Michael thought. Jason hesitated but it was quite clear that Michael was merely dreaming.

He reached forward again to try and shake him awake. Just as he did so Michael's arm twitched and then he gripped his knife and blindly stabbed at air; it sank deep into Jason's chest. He staggered back, gripping his bleeding chest just as Michael turned over onto his back and resumed snoring.

_Ow! _Jason gasped and peered down at the wound. Freddy just looked at Michael with an impressed expression.

"Wow. So even when he's asleep Myers still kicks more ass than you, huh Voorhees?"

_Kruger this is serious...I...I can't breath!_

"Ah, cry me a river, fuckhead. Damn pussy...it's just a papercut." Freddy said as he flipped on the T.V.

Michael let out another sudden thought from his dream: _Ah...Imma kill you, Spongebob...I swear I will...walking around with your sponginess and stupid laugh..._

Ghostface finally came staggering out of the bathroom carrying a dirty towel and dripping wet. "Well it took me a while but I think that I got all of it off."

_All of what? _Michael thought as he sat up from his spot on the hard wooden floor and stretched. _What did I miss?_

"Well you stabbed Jason in the heart in your sleep, I poured a can of whoop ass all over Ghostface's back and-"

_So you sexed him?_

Freddy stopped talking and stared at Michael. "Wait...what?"

Jason, who was still on the floor dripping blood and gasping for air, managed to laugh. _Ha. That's true._

Ghostface just tossed the pork 'n beaned towel at Freddy and flopped down on the couch. Freddy fumbled for a second then threw the towel back at him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Ghostface shrugged and claimed the remote for himself. He began leisurely flipping. "Watchin' T.V."

Freddy shook his head and snatched back the remote. "No, no, no, no. You are not just 'watchin' T.V.' " he said mockingly, "You are going downstairs to where the laundry room is and washing that towel along with your shirt."

He sighed and picked up the towel. "But don't you remember what happened last time I washed clothes?"

Jason nodded uneasily._ Yeah. You unleashed a portal into hell and nearly ripped us to pieces. Kruger maybe you shouldn't let him-_

"Hell no. He's gonna go downstairs and clean that towel. He made it dirty-"

"But _you _made it dirty!" Ghostface whined. Freddy chose to ignore him.

"-and now _he's _gonna clean it...along with my shirt and everyone else's clothes." and just like that Freddy ripped off his sweater and threw it at Ghostface. Michael and Jason did the same until they were all in their underwear watching T.V.-what an all-American morning. Ghostface just stood there with the closets piled in his arms then put a hand over his nose.

"God, this stuff really _stinks!_"

Michael: _Yeah, dip shit. That's why you're going to wash it._

Freddy laughed at this then glared at Ghostface. "Now go! Bitch..."

He picked up all the clothes and hauled it outside, realizing that there was no way that he could win this one. _God, _Ghostface thought, _why do I always get stuck doing this?!_

* * *

Ghostface haphazardly threw all of the dirty clothes into the same washer, not taking time to even sort out the whites from the darks. Once that was done he took a box of nearby detergent-although he really wasn't even sure if it was detergent, he just assumed that it was because it was white and powdery-and emptied most of it into the washer. As soon as he did this, however, he felt the room grow cold.

"Hmm..." he muttered to himself as he listened to the clothes rattle off inside the washer, "that's funny. It got colder."

And apart from that he didn't think much else about it...until he felt a fleck of something cold and watery hit his bare bony and pale chest. He looked up from where he was sitting and was surprised to see a large splotch of what appeared to be blood dripping from the roof. Under his mask, he frowned.

"Someone should really make them clean up. That stuff could give someone a disease." and he closed his eyes and listened to the washer.

He didn't notice it yet, but the washer itself was beginning to leak all over the floor, a sticky red substance. Ghostface was glued to his phone texting away. "Ha...yeah totally..." he muttered absentmindedly as his fingers glided across the number pad and texted: "I...AM...DOING...CLOTHES..."

From a little shelf above the washer the box full of detergent that Ghostface had used began to rock perilously back and fourth, threatening to teeter off the edge, but just as it fell it changed course and went straight for Ghostface's head; it collided against his skull with a dull thud.

He gasped and fell of the chair that he was sitting on and into the bloody mess that now coated the floor. "Oh my fucking...what is this?!" he asked as he looked at the substance that now covered his entire body. "Blood? Is that...oh, that's sick! Gross! The floor is on its period! Shit, son...hasn't it ever heard of a tampon?"

Just as he said this he heard the loud clip-clop of hooves walking on the hard, cold washroom floor. Ghostface didn't even dare to breath as a pig came round the corner, his beady eyes glowing a bright red. It let out a horrid screech and came right over to where Ghostface was sitting.

"You..." the pig said.

Ghostface let out the tiniest whimper of fear. "Y-yeah?"

"You have..."

"Huh?"

"...stolen..."

He swallowed and managed to whisper, "I'm sorry."

"...my..."

"So, so sorry."

...cocaine."

Ghostface was rendered speechless for a moment as this sank in. "Wait...what? I just used the detergent and-"

"YOU BASTARD! YOU STOLE MY MOTHERFUCKING COCAINE!!!" the pig squealed, mere inches away from his face.

Ghostface shook his head and tried to crawl back in a feeble attempt to get away from the pig. "I just used the detergent..." he repeated.

The pig backed away slightly and jerked his head in the direction of the spilled box of detergent which was now soaked in the blood that covered the floor. "Is that the detergent you used?" Ghostface nodded. The pig rolled his red little eyes and his curly-q tail twitched slightly. "Has anyone ever told you that you are the biggest idiot in the universe times 10 to the fourth dimension?"

He chuckled softly, thinking that the pig's big words were indeed amusing. "What?"

The pig sighed and went over to the box, his hooves clip-clopping on the floor. "That-" he motioned to the once fine white powder that was now stained pinkish red, globby and ruined, "-was my cocaine stash. You ruined it."

Ghostface crawled over to the spot, not really caring if he got covered in the blood that was still leaking from the washer. His sickly pale skin was completely stained with the stuff now anyway. Gently he stuck his finger in the mixture and tried to stiff it, but it was indeed ruined by now. He laughed awkwardly.

"Oops. Looks like I ruined the deter-"

"MY COCAINE!"

He shrugged passively and got to his feet. The pig's gaze didn't waver. "So what?" he said as he tried to step past the enormous pig and out of the washroom, "How much could that one box possibly cost?"

"100-"

"See? That isn't so bad."

The pig frowned and ran right in front of Ghostface, blocking his only way out of the washroom. "Million dollars. You motherfucker..."

"Oh. Yeah, that would...um...that would make a lot more sense. Cocaine isn't cheap after all." he muttered, his snide tone now lost. "So I guess that means I can't possibly pay for it, huh?"

"You fool!" the pig squealed. "Do you even know what fate you have doomed yourself to? All the paperwork that I will now have to do to explain this?"

Ghostface shook his head and backed away as the pig began advancing towards him. "Listen...I'm really, really sorry but-OH SHIT!!!"

* * *

Freddy sighed loudly and scratched his head absentmindedly. "God I'm bored. Nothing in the whole world could possibly make me un-bored. Nope, nothing at all. Not even-"

Suddenly there came a series of loud bangs from downstairs, far below them. If Freddy would have had to guess he'd have to say that it was coming from the fourth floor-2 floors below them. The sounds were barely audible, just loud enough to interrupt his thoughts.

But the screaming that followed the bangs were unmistakable; _BANG! BANG! BANG! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! STOP IT THIS INSTANT!_

Freddy turned to Jason and Michael; they all just sat there staring at each other for a second before Michael jumped to his feet and went straight for the door. _There's no fucking way...what was that noise?_

Jason also got up but went to lock the balcony doors. _It sounded like gun-_

"Oh man! Don't even say it!" Freddy moaned as he went to lock the window shut then yelled over across the alley, "Hey, motherfuckers! Close your god damned window!"

Juliek stuck his head out the window and smiled at him moronically as he puffed on a joint. "Wh...whatchu said, Egg man?"

Luchesi met him at the window and pointed at Freddy, a far-off look in his aqua eyes. "Oh my friggin' God, Juliek! That friggin' wheel of German-Romanian cheese is talkin' to friggin' me!"

The other elf gasped and pushed his glasses further up on his nose. "Wow! No-friggin'-posilutley-redunculous-way in hell!"

They both doubled over in laughter and Freddy rolled his eyes and slammed the window shut. Just as he did this, conveniently enough, a harsh knocking came from the door. They all looked at each other and Michael curled into a fetal position on the floor and began to sob silently.

_I...don't...wanna...DIE!!!_

Jason sighed and walked to the door and put his hand on the knob. _No one's going to die, dummy. Just chill out. _And he looked into the peephole and sighed.

And he swung the door open. It was Ghostface. Shirtless, stupid Ghostface, his mask and pale skin stained with the blood that had flooded the washroom. He breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly and through the eye holes in his mask there gleamed two beady little red eyes. He looked around the room and let out a little growling sound. In his hands he held a smoking rifle.

Freddy sighed and went over to him. "Well whadda know, it's Fuckface. So, Fuckface, did you get the clothes washed?"

Ghostface didn't say anything, just let out another harsh growl and strode past him, all the way to the window and aimed the rifle at the two stoned vampires next door. Michael got up from his spot on the floor and went over to him.

_Uh...Ghostface? What are you doing? Where's my jumpsuit?!_

Ghostface just lowered the rifle a little and with a sick cracking noise his head turned in a full 360 degree circle so that he was staring at Michael. "It made you look like a homosexual anyway, Myers."

Everyone just stopped and stared at him. Jason worked up the nerve to ask, _Wait...what?_

Ghostface shrugged, his neck letting out another sick crack. "I merely meant to hypothesize that Michael's pernicious demeanor infirm-he insistence to appease his oblique, diabolic desires is indeed the calamity. His effrontery enamor with the same sex is quite frivolous and tumultuous. It perplexes me to a high degree of discomfort. Do you concur?"

Jason just looked at him with wide, clueless eyes. _What?_

Freddy started laughing until he couldn't breath. He said to an equally as puzzled Michael, "Ha! He just said that last week he nailed Myers up the ass!"

Ghostface sighed and rolled his beady eyes. "I merely meant impetuous and otherwise lamentable must sequester as they are insipid. They are impious."

Michael scratched his head and finally stopped pretending like he knew what in the hell Ghostface was talking about. _I'm sorry, I didn't catch that._

_ I think that he's saying that-_

"Ha, ha! Ghostface is a butt pirate!"

_-shut up, Freddy! I think that he's saying that he doesn't like the fact that you're an obvious homosexual and he thinks that your behavior is self-destructive._

_ But I'm not-_

"Okay, Myers. It's time to come clean." Freddy said as he calmed down, "What dude have you been stickin' it in this time?"

_But I haven't-_

Suddenly Ghostface dropped the rifle. Everyone stared at him as he began to wretch then vomit all over the kitchen tile. Freddy recoiled and Jason sighed and went to get a wash rag to clean up the mess. _Not again...this happened just yesterday!_

"Woah! Fuckface what are you..." Freddy's voice trailed off.

"I...can't..." Ghostfaces' voice trailed off as he lifted up his mask a little, and an eerie form began to crawl out of his mouth. Ghostface began to tremble as the ghost pig dug itself out of him and then he collapsed into a his own vomit. Michael looked from the giant ghost pig to Ghostface and began puking as well, only he was in the living room, so it got stuck in the carpet.

Jason silently cursed. _God damn it, Myers! Can't you control yourself for one-_

Freddy gasped and pointed at the form of the Pig as it focused its beady eyes on the elves next door. In a second he was gone, flying to the opposite side of the alley and into Juliek and Luchesi's room.

Ghostface just remained still, his boy as limp as a doll's. Jason just looked from him to the puddle of vomit then to Michael. He tossed the rag on the ground and walked away. _Fuck that._

* * *

ACROSS THE ALLEY...

Luchesi took a big breath and...

"Toke, toke, toke, toke!" Juliek cried joyously as his friend and roommate-YES, vampires have friends-took a big toke of the bong that sat in front of them. Then he laughed and snatched it away from him and breathed in the smoke.

Luchesi giggled and his eyes goggled in his cranium as he collapsed onto the carpeted floor of their apartment. "Ha, ha, ha...'dat's _so _fuggin' funny, man...ha!"

And it was until Juliek suddenly frowned and shook the bong, nearly dropping it. " 'Ey, man?"

"What?"

"We're outta weed, man."

Luchesi gasped. "For real dude?"

Juliek nodded. "For fakely real in a fake world."

"Dude...that's deep. I think that you may have just stated a fuggin' theory right there, man."

"For sure dude. Straight up then down to the ground again and to your mommas house."

Luchesi gasped and turned to him. "Whatchu said 'bout my momma, fool?"

He laughed and let out a breath full of smoke. "I said straight up-"

"I know what you said, you bastard! Take this!" and he jumped to his feet and kicked Juliek in the face. The vampire just laughed too loudly and gripped his now bleeding mouth.

"Ouch. That hurt." and he began to laugh some more.

Luchesi sniffed the air and stared at his friend's bleeding lip, not even realizing that there was a huge pig staring at him through the window. He dropped to his knees and crawled over to Juliek and sniffed his bleeding lip, his mouth watering. "Hey, man."

"Wa?"

"You's bleedin', dude."

Juliek gasped and touched a finger to his lip. "No friggin' way, dude! I totally am! Bitchin'!" and he stuck out his tongue and tried to lick up some of the blood, but Luchesi stopped him.

"Wait! 'Dat shit's mine, motherfucker!"

"What? No it ain't! It's mine!"

Soon both were on the ground rolling around, hitting each other and biting each other. Sound kinky? Well it was. The pig let out a disgusted squeal. _Huh, _he thought as he watched the two vampires desperately fight over each other's blood, _ain't that a bitch?_

Suddenly they stopped fighting and Juliek stared right at the pig and gasped. "Luchesi there's a giant pit starin' right at us!"

Luchesi looked around wildly and his gaze came to rest on the Pig. He let out a little whimper of fear. "Holy Jay-sus! What we a'gonna do?"

"Maybe if we just ignore him he'll go away."

The vampire nodded. "Right. Good plan, amigo."

And they both stared unblinkingly at the pig, who just stared back, his beady red eyes shimmering. Juliek leaned over and whispered, "It's not working..."

"Just give it 'nother sec."

The Pig finally sighed and rolled his eyes. He came closer to the two vampires with an evil grin pasted on his piggy face. The two vampires screamed.

* * *

Across the street Freddy and the others were facing perils of their own; the whole apartment smell of human excrement and the walls had begun-or began, I really don't know which-blood. Ghostface was still lying face-down in a pool of vomit that was now delightfully mixed with blood, and Michael was absolutely losing it, rocking back and forth on his heels thinking to himself, _There's no such thing as ghost pigs, there's no such thing as..._

Freddy sighed and collapsed into the sofa. He called over to Jason, who was now busily emptying cans of Lysol and Germ-Xing everything in sight, "Hey, man. Just give it up. Accept the fact that you're gonna die a horrible, painful death. It's easier that way."

Jason looked over at him and let the can of Lysol fall out of his hand. _There has to be something that we can do! If only we knew what caused all of this..._

Both of their gazes traveled slowly back to the slumped figure of Ghostface. Freddy said quietly, "That ghost pig possessed him. I wonder why."

Jason sighed and ignored a box of nearby detergent as it fell from one of the cabinets in the kitchen. _Yeah. I can't imagine what he could've done to upset a spirit like that..._

Freddy shrugged. "No clu-OW! What the fuck..." he felt a sudden pain behind his head. He turned and saw a tiny baggie of something white and powdery on the floor. Then he looked over to the bathroom, the place where Ghostface his his various drugs and other stuff. He frowned.

Jason: _I just don't see what it could be._

Then, on the once off-white walls, there appeared words in red, drippy letters; _COCAINE_

They both stared at it. "I still don't...jeez, what could he have done?!" Freddy cried. He looked up at the ceiling and called, "Dear God! Please give us a sign!"

There were more letters now; _HE STOLE MY COCAINE!!!_

_ Who stole whos cocaine?_

On the floor Michael managed to think, _Technically it's 'whom', but whatever. I'm not complaining._

Freddy rolled his eyes. "You know what, Myers? I never really realized it before, but you suck as a person. You really do. Has anyone ever told you that? I really do fucking hate you. Anyway, back to the wall thing. I think that the ghost is fucking with us beca-"

Michael: _I prefer the term 'spirits'._

He sighed and narrowed his eyes. "Okay, spell it with me, Myers. F-U-C-K space Y-O-U another space Q-U-E-E-R!!!"

Michael thought about it brightly; _Okay. F-U-C-K...hey! That's not funny!_

Jason sighed. _Just how stupid are you, Michael? Wasn't it you who said that you were 'the most smartest person' in the whole damn apartment?_

"Whatever! The point is that Fuckface probably found the spirit-"

_Okay, _Michael thought, _what about a specter?_

"I swear to God that I will fucking kill you, you dumb piece of dog shit. The WHATEVER is mad because Fuckface stole his coke. Obviously."

Jason nodded. _Yeah and this is all obvious to you, huh Kruger?_

Freddy shrugged. "I guess. Now the only problem is how to stop it...hmm...it seems like I've seen this before but where...ah! I know! It was this movie called the Plot-mer-heist or some crazy shit. All we have to do is find a portal to hell and close it."

_That's all? _Jason asked.

Freddy nodded. "Yeah."

Michael was skeptical. _Are you sure that that was the movie? I could've sworn that it was another..._

_ So where is this portal?_

"I dunno, Voorhees. We'll just have to search the whole apartment quick before the fucking ghost pig thing comes back."

_Okay. That sounds simple enough. I'll go upstairs and you can go downstairs. And Michael-_

_ What can I do?_

_ You can just stay here and try not to fuck anything up. This is life and death, Michael. Can you handle it?_

Michael sighed. _Whatever. I never get to do anything fun._

"Sure you do, Myers. Remember that time you fucked Ghostface up the ass? That helped us. Why, if you hadn't done that, then me or Voorhees would've been raped. Thanks for that, Myers. That was great."

And with that Freddy and Jason hurried out the room while Michael fully digested his words.

* * *

As it turned out, portals that led directly into hell were in short supply and hard to find even in the residence of serial slashers. Eventually Freddy had worked his way all the way down to the washroom where his and the others' clothes were still washing faithfully.

Freddy nearly tripped as he stepped down the last stair that led down to the basement, as the blood that had been steadily flowing since Ghostface's possession was now knee-deep. Freddy didn't waver, however. He managed to wade through the bloody mess and to the line of washers that were lined up against the back wall of the room.

"Mother eff...what he hell did he do?!"

"I'll tell ye what he did but it's gonna cost you, laddie. Me services don't come cheap. Either you pay me cash or a promise that you must be sure to keep."

Freddy gasped and turned around slowly. "What's the price?"

"Hmm...a pinch of gold should do, just make sure it's not a four leaf clover or I'll kill you!"

"Aw fuck...Leprechaun what in the hell are you doing here? Don't you have better places to be?" Freddy asked as the little green man came paddling towards him, a big grin on his face.

"Aye, lad, but as long as the damn ghost wants your friend Ghostface's skin over his fireplace, I'll always be here to help you save the day...then rub it in his dirty face!"

"First off Fuckface isn't even my friend-I have no friends-secondly, I don't need your help. I can do it myself."

The Leprechaun climbed on top of one of the washers and wrung out his little green coat. The blood had now risen to cover half of Freddy's torso. There was a serious risk of drowning if something wasn't done fast.

"Lad you need more help than you know. If you think that the portal is down here then you're right...but the blood still will continue to flow. Can you close the portal before it's too late? Before you're drowned by the blood in a cruel twist of fate? Let's see, this will be a fun game indeed. Let's see how much air Mr. Kruger will need!"

"So the portal is in here?" Freddy asked as he pushed the man aside and curled up on the washer and wrung all the blood out of his hat. Out of all the things in the world to have to suffer, why did it have to be his beautiful hat?

The Leprechaun shrugged and the grin on his face grew wider as the blood began to flow over the top of the washers that they were perched on. "It's all a riddle, all a rhyme. You'd better hurry, Kruger, you haven't got much time. Will you be victorious down here and close the portal that causes so much trouble? Or perhaps you'll run upstairs on the double. Either way it could work, or not. Either way it's a long shot."

Freddy thought and thought and just as the blood began to flow over the top of the washers, washing both him and the leprechaun off their safe perches, he made his decision.

* * *

After about an hour of searching for the portal into hell, Jason gave up and went back into number 1331. The room was dark, no lights on except T.V., which was blaring nothing but static. He could just make out Ghostface's silhouette against the light of T.V.

Jason rolled his eyes and switched on the big light, illuminating the whole room. _Ghostface? What's going on around here?_

Ghostface said nothing, just stared at the T.V. Jason went over to him and tapped him on the shoulder then noticed that something wasn't right; where was Michael? Why was the T.V. All static? Why had all the lights been turned off?

Jason tried not to panic as he looked down at Ghostface. _Ghostface? Where's Myers?_

It took a second for Ghostface to answer, but when he did his voice was extremely high pitched and irritating. "They're heeeeeeeeeeeeeere...."

_Who the hell..._

The lights switched off again and the T.V. Flickered and blinked then turned off altogether, plunging the whole room into the darkness. Jason began to panic and managed to flick back on the television. Ghostface had gotten up and was staring out the kitchen window, saying nothing.

_Where is Michael?_

"He's not here anymore. No one is here anymore."

_Where is he?_

Ghostface shrugged and said nothing. Jason looked around the dimly lit room. What little light the T.V. Provided was just enough to illuminate the mess of liquid that was slowly trickling from the bottom of the bathroom door. Jason rushed over and kicked the door open and looked around.

Michael lay in the once white porcelain tub nearly naked with blood covering his exposed skin, his mask pushed up showing a very large gash across his neck. On the wall there was but a single word written in red, dripping letters; _IT._

_ Wow, _Jason thought, _really confusing plot; I thought that this was a ghost problem, not Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Oh well._

And he picked up Michael and carried him out the bathroom and walked slowly towards the door, trying not to disturb Ghostface. Just as soon as his hand touched the knob, Ghostface sprung into action; he pounced on top of Jason's back like a wild animal and plunged his knife repeatedly into whatever he find.

_GHOSTFACE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-_

Just before Jason dropped to the ground, he could get a glimpse at Ghostface's eyes. They were red and beady, the eyes of the pig. He fell unconscious on the ground with a heavy thud and Michael fell next to him, still motionless and blood stained.

* * *

Freddy came staggering up the stairs and wretched open the door of number 1331. Blood dripped from every inch of him and stained anything that he walked over or touched. His clothes were soaked and clinging to him. He stepped into the room and his eyes got wide.

Jason was lying seemingly dead on the floor next to Michael, both bleeding profusely. Ghostface was just standing there with a bloody knife in his hands breathing heavily. His eyes were beady and red, shining from the eye holes in his mask.

"Fuckface? Are you..."

He let out a sickening squeal that sounded astonishingly like that of a pig and came at Freddy, raising his knife and preparing to attack. Freddy staggered back as the knife sunk into his chest but somehow managed to reach over and grab the handle of a pan that was on the nearby kitchen counter.

He swung the pan and it clanked against Ghostface's skull, sending out a loud and somewhat empty _THWAK!_

Ghostface's arms fell limply to his sides, his hands released the knife as blood came pouring out of his mask and trickling down his chest. Still he stood there until Freddy worked up the nerve to push him down himself, then he sighed and fell to his knees.

Out of the glass kitchen window and balcony doors he could see a break in the darkness that was night; the sun was beginning to rise sending out weak rays of gold across the gray sky. Freddy smiled and his eyes scanned the room. What a mess! So much blood...god damn it! It would stain the carpet! And everything went black at once; he let himself fall into a steady sleep.

* * *

_Yes, _Freddy thought now, _nothing but one big fuck up...jeez, what did Fuckface do?!_

_ Weren't you just comprehending anything that you were just thinking, dumb ass? He opened a portal to hell and-_

"Fuck you, Voorhees! I don't need your shit! Go away!"

_I would if I could, but I'm still to lightheaded from the loss of blood. _

"Then shut the fuck up! God damn, it's like you're retarded or something."

Just as he said this, a sudden, slow creaking came from behind him. Freddy turned tiredly and stared at the giant pig, its beady eyes glowing red. Freddy swallowed and said wearily, "Whadda want, pig?"

"To take you to hell."

He rolled his eyes. "Could we please try and keep the motherfucking profanity down to a god damn minimum? What do you mean 'take me to hell'? What about him?" Freddy pointed at Ghostface who was now lying on the floor with a puddle of blood pooling around his head. "He's the one who stole your-"

"You didn't close the portal." the pig squealed. Freddy's eyes became wide.

"What? I dived in a fucking ocean of blood-hmm...sounds like a low-budget horror movie, doesn't it?-and dug a hole to the center of the Earth, talked to Satan and he said that he'd fix the problem!"

As Freddy proceeded to back away from the pig, Jason jumped up from his spot on the floor, got out his machete, and skewered the pig clumsily. The ghost pig let out one last squeal of hatred and then melted into a puddle of blood onto the floor. Freddy sighed and gripped his chest, breathing hard.

"Took you long enough! Jesus fuckin' Christ! I think that I just had a heart attack!"

Jason shrugged and fell to his knees. _Hey, better late than never! Besides, if I hadn't hesitated, you wouldn't have learned your lesson. _

"Which was?" he asked craftily.

He held his head in his hands. _Don't ever trust Ghostface to do the simplest task ever again in your life. Oh man...I don't feel good..._ and with that he crawled over to the bathroom and slammed the door.

Freddy closed his eyes and laid back on the cold floor. Jesus, couldn't stuff just be easier?

* * *

Never got around to saying it yet, but thanks for reviewing everyone. I really appreciate it and love you for it and I'm glad that you like the series. Umm...hits are now up to 770 so I'm hoping that with the next few episodes it'll hit 1000. That would be boss.

Since I am lazy I sort of tried to combine several ghost movies/stories into one because, let's face it, if the series had, like, 3 ghost episodes it might start to get a little-dare I say it?-BORING.

Also I am still in mourning over the loss of someone very near and dear to me...my goat Mr. Pinki Goat. Please excuse my odd obsession over him as he was the first pet that I've ever really had and am shocked and saddened at his death. Thank you for putting up with me. And yes, I really did have a real-life goat. I'm a country girl, what can I say?

R.I.P. Mr. Pinki Jacques Goat

Informally known as Mr. Pinki Goat

2007-2009

PEACE...

...LOVE

HIPPIENESS


	28. Episode 26Happy Thanksgiving!

Episode 26 Happy Thanksgiving!

* * *

Freddy sighed. "So...this is it huh? Just sittin' here on Thanksgiving day not doin' anything, huh?"

Jason glared at him. _Well what do you wanna do about it?_

_ I'll tell you what I wanna do, _Michael thought, _I wanna-_

"You can't _tell _us, dip shit. You can only _think _it." Ghostface corrected him. Michael shrugged.

_So sue me. Anyway, I think that we should actually try and do something today. Like, you know, something fun...like eating a Thanksgiving dinner perhaps..._

Freddy shook his head. "There ain't no way in h-e-double l Myers. No way. Not unless something groundbreaking happens like...what's that?"

Everyone looked at him. _What's what? _Jason asked. Freddy jumped to his feet and jumped right over the couch and walked into the kitchen area. He sniffed.

"That...that heavenly smell...it smells like..."

Everyone got to their feet and peeked out the apartment door. Indeed, there was a delicious smell slowly wafting up from one of the rooms downstairs. Ghostface looked up and down the hall and swallowed.

"Well...what should we do?"

There came a loud growling and Michael looked down at his stomach. _Jeez...that smell is making me so hungry!_

"Well it's no wonder, Myers! Whadda weigh? Negative 3 pounds? Ya never eat, ya wimp!"

_Shut up, Freddy!_

"You shut up!"

Michael reached over and slapped Freddy in the back of the head and Freddy wrapped his hands around Michael's throat and started strangling him. Soon they were rolling down the hall with Ghostface and Jason running after them.

"You know what?" Ghostface panted as he chased Freddy down the hall.

_What? _Jason thought.

"Somehow this never gets old, does it?"

Jason thought about it for a second then nodded and he and Ghostface hurried down a staircase. _Yeah. It does. Pretty quickly, actually. _

Michael and Freddy's squabble led them all the way down about four flights of stairs and to the source of the delicious-smelling room. Freddy stopped chocking Michael and looked up. He sniffed the air again and pushed Michael off him.

"There!" he pointed at room number 666. "That's the room! That's where the smell is coming from."

Ghostface, who had just managed to catch up, laughed childishly and murmured, "Ha, he said cum."

"I said come, fucking bitch. As in c-o-m-e not c-u-"

_Just knock on the door, shit head. _Jason thought exasperatedly. Freddy shrugged and walked right up and pounded on the door. Michael, who was still breathing hard, got up off the ground and dusted himself off.

_Can't you just knock on the door like a normal person?_

"No. I'm Freddy Kruger, bitch. I pound on whatever I want...Fuckface, don't you dare make that a perverted or gay joke, because if you do I'll fuck you up."

Ghostface just giggled and whipped out his cell phone. Jason sighed. _Now really. You're making a call now?!_

"Ssh! Jesus! Manners, man! Gosh!" and he waited and waited... "Hey, man! You'll never guess what Kruger just said, Sidney...he said-"

Jason reached over, took the phone and threw it against the wall. _This isn't the time!_

"But I-"

"Someone's coming to answer the door!" Freddy said excitedly.

The door opened a crack to reveal Pinhead. Yes, he's back. Just deal with it for a little while and give me time to explain. Anyway, Freddy gasped and his eyes got wide. "Pinhead!!!! What the fuck are you doing here?!"

Pinhead opened the door a little more to reveal the rest of his gang-Butterball and the Chatterer-standing obediently behind him. "Why, hello Freddy, old chum, old pal. How are you doing today?"

Freddy stared from one cenobite to the other with his mouth agape. Pinhead just smiled and slapped him a little, just to make sure that he was still alive and alert. "It's not polite to stare at people with your mouth open. It makes you look like a sniveling, drooling pervert."

"But...but I-"

Ghostface leaned on the wall behind him and began to sob. "Oh my God...I don't wanna go back! Jeez I can feel the chains now...oh man!"

Michael let his eyes roll back in his head and fainted right there and Jason...well he just looked at them all like they were retarded and began to walk away, back up the stairs. "Wait!" Freddy called to him as he disappeared up the stairs, "Where ya going?"

_Away from here. I can tell that this won't end well._

He shrugged. "No, probably not, but before you leave would you mind taking Myers with you? I can't lift him by myself."

Ghostface perked up. "I can help...I can carry his ass for you."

Freddy rolled his eyes as Jason stooped down, took Michael's foot and began dragging him up the stairs haphazardly. "Yeah. No thanks, Fuckface. Myers would have a stroke or something if he knew that we'd let you fondle him while he was out."

While all this was happening Pinhead just stood in the doorway with a pleasant smile pasted on his pale face. Freddy turned back to him and smiled too. "So what game are you playing this time, Pinass?"

He looked clueless. "Sorry?"

"Don't play stupid. Every time we see each other you have some smarmy comment or something and then you send me and the others in the cube and blah, blah, blah."

"Oh that?" Pinhead began to laugh. "That's history, Kruger! Ancient history! I'm just here to enjoy Thanksgiving with my friends and-"

"Wait a second!" Ghostface said as he tried to push Freddy to the side and get Pinhead's undivided attention. "That delicious smell is coming from _your _room?"

Pinhead nodded earnestly. "Indeed. I was just cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I-"

"You can cook?!" Freddy asked as he stabbed Ghostface through the eye holes in his mask. Ghostface yelled and staggered back, his hands over his face. Pinhead nodded.

"Why, any self-respecting serial killer can cook a modest Thanksgiving dinner! What kind of useless, waste of a killer can't?"

Freddy cleared his throat and started down at his feet. Pinhead's smile grew. "Freddy! Don't tell me that you haven't started cooking your Thanksgiving yet!"

"Well yeah...of course I have! Yeah, in fact I started _yesterday_! Yeah. It's pretty much taken care of." he chuckled awkwardly. Ghostface, who still had his hands covering his eye sockets, came right up to Freddy and shook his head.

"What? No we haven't. Don't you remember? You said that Thanksgiving was gay and-"

"Of course we've started to cook, you motherfucking useless waste of sperm and egg. Remember?"

Ghostface didn't get the hint; he shook his head again clueless. "No I honestly don't-"

"Well that's ashame. I'd better go..." he turned back to Pinhead. "...you know...check the turkey or whatever...it is a turkey for Thanksgiving, right? Not a chicken or a ham or-"

Pinhead nodded. "Yeah, it's a turkey. You have fun with it, okay? Just be thankful for what you-"

"Yeah, see ya later, Pinass." and Freddy hurried up the stairs. Ghostface didn't follow. He glared at Pinhead.

"Why whatever is the problem, little Ghostface?"

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing. Oh, I know."

Pinhead looked mildly surprised. "Why whatever could that be?"

"You're trying to get Kruger to cook, even though you know he's never cooked anything in his life, and burn down the apartment."

He shrugged. "That or admit that I'm the better slasher and always will be. Either way, I'm happy."

"You bastard...you're sick. You know that? Just sick."

"That may be, but Kruger will never know, will he? Besides, shouldn't you be getting up there to help him cook that ever illusive Thanksgiving dinner?"

Ghostface turned to go, but not before cursing Pinhead one more time. "Fuck you."

* * *

Freddy was pacing back and forth madly, his thoughts racing. Jason and Michael started at him. _Okay, what's wrong, Kruger? _Jason thought.

Michael: _Yeah. I've never seen you this worked up since...well, usually you're always this worked up._

Freddy sighed and pounded his fist on the table. "Shit! Fuck! You wanna know what the motherfreaking problem is?! It's that I don't know how to cook and Pinhead does, but the thing is that anything that he can do, I can do better! So what the fuck, man? What the hell am I gonna do?!"

Michael shrugged. _Call take out?_

"Who the hell sells Thanksgiving dinner as take-out, you stupid bitch? God fuck it! No...there's only one way to fix this...we've got to cook a Thanksgiving dinner with all the stuff..."

Suddenly Ghostface burst into the room. "No! You can't do that, Kruger!"

"Why not? We're perfectly capable of cooking!"

"No! That's exactly what he _wants _you to do! We can't cook that Thanksgiving dinner!"

Jason sighed. _Okay, would anyone mind filling me in on what's going on here?_

_ Well it seems to me like Freddy saw Pinhead cooking and he got jealous because he can't cook to save his live and-_

"FUCK YOU! FREDDY KRUGER CAN COOK, BITCH! HE CAN COOK THE WHORE OUT OF YOU!"

"Y-yeah because that was totally appropriate." Ghostface mumbled as he closed the door.

Jason: _It's no big deal, guys. We can make a simple Thanksgiving dinner. All we need is-_

"Cranberry sauce, turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, bread rolls-Fuckface, stop laughing, I didn't say buns-and umm...what else? Oh yeah, gravy, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie and apple pie. That should be about it."

Michael's mouth was watering. _W...we're gonna have pie? _

Freddy nodded. "Pumpkin pie and apple pie and-"

"And ramen."

"What? What the hell are you talking about, Fuckface?"

"Ramen noodles. We have to have ramen noodles."

Jason sighed. _No. No way. We're not having ramen noodles, okay? We can't even cook anything besides take-out pizza and beer._

_ I want pie. _Michael thought.

Freddy slapped him on the shoulder. "Yeah, Myers! That's the spirit! And we're gonna have pie! We just need to go buy all the stuff at Wal-Mart then come back here to cook it! Oh happy day! C'mon, let's go!"

Ghostface jumped in front of the door, blocking his way. "Wait a second, just hold up! We're gonna go wandering around San Antonio in the morning, buy some Thanksgiving stuff dressed as serial killers?!"

Everyone nodded. Jason: _I don't see how that could be a problem._

Michael: _Neither do I._

"Yeah, me neither. All right! Let's go!"

* * *

As it turned out, finding a Wal-Mart wasn't as hard as finding a portal to hell; they were everywhere! Not only was the nearest Wal-Mart in the 'bad side of town', but they were packed with holiday shoppers and hooligans and whatnot...hey, it was Thanksgiving. What can you expect? Besides, if things were _easy _then it would just be straight up boring.

Anyway, Freddy killed an old woman and stole her buggy and they were off! Ghostface sighed and looked around at the isles and isles of groceries. "Where do we start?"

"You act like I come to Wal-Mart on a regular basis. I say that we each get assigned something to make then buy the fucking shit. Okay. Let's see..." he pulled out a long, folded up list from his pocket and read it. "Okay. So Voorhees you can handle the cranberry sauce since it's the easiest thing and you're a retard...Myers you can buy the turkey, stuffing stuff, and bread...Fuckface you can buy the gravy stuff, sweet potato stuff, pumpkin pie stuff, and green bean casserole stuff and I'll buy the cherry pie stuff."

"But why do I have to buy most of the stuff?"

He shrugged. "You make the most money outta all of us. So here we go. I'll take the buggy and the rest of you can just find some way to carry it your own. See ya!"

_Hey! _Michael thought, _How am I supposed to-_

_ Just shut up, Michael. He's gone._

Michael sighed. _Yeah, I know. I've just never shopped in a store before and I'm kinda confused._

Ghostface took his arm. "Oh, that's easy. I can help you there. Just follow me to the dark corner back there by the door right there and we'll do some serious shopping."

_Okay, _Michael thought as he followed Ghostface, _I mean, if you're sure-_

"Oh yeah, I'm totally sure about this. Just follow me."

Jason rolled his eyes and caught Michael my the arm, forcing him out of Ghostface's grip. _Really, Myers? Just how stupid are you? Don't follow him, follow me._

"But I can-"

_You can go shopping on your own. Since Michael can barely function as a person regularly, just leave him to me. _And Jason and Michael walked off, leaving Ghostface alone.

* * *

Walking alone anywhere on the bad side of town wasn't a good idea, but on Thanksgiving it was pretty much an invitation for trouble. Freddy had no problem because he had virtually no problem stabbing people in public, but Ghostface just didn't feel like raising hell today. That's why he shopped quickly and didn't waver; he just wanted to get out alive.

He scanned up and down the isles and once he found something he needed, he went for it. Eventually the only thing left on his list was the cream of mushroom soup that was needed to make green bean casserole, but an old lady got to it before he did. She looked oddly farmiliar...

"Hey! You're that old lady who wouldn't give me that quarter I needed to make the phone call!"

She glared at him. "I'm sorry, sonny?"

"You...you're that one lady who I asked for a quarter that one time and you made me say, 'Can I please have quarter ma'am?' and you still wouldn't give me one..."

She shook her head and continued down the isle. "I don't recall that, sonny. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make Thanksgiving dinner now for me and my cat's-"

"Listen, lady! I don't give a _fuck _what you have to cook! I have to cook green bean casserole and I need that...what is it again?" he reached for the can in an attempt to read the label, but the lady gasped and punched him in the face.

She began howling, "Help! This man is trying to rape me! Help!"

Ghostface sighed. "This is gonna be hard, isn't it? Just give me...the fucking can!" he grabbed the can and tried to snatch it away from her, but she kneed in the groin. Ghostface let out a little whimper and fell onto the ground, cursing.

"Mother..."

Then the old woman threw the can in her buggy and hurried out of the store.

* * *

Freddy sighed. Somehow he knew that Fuckface was in a hell of a lot of pain or trouble or probably both, but it didn't matter. He had just put the frozen cherry pie in his buggy and continued on, trying not to really look at anyone. Since it was the bad part of town, it was usually safest to keep your eyes low and to act invisible.

The only problem was just as it was impossible for Ghostface to stay out of trouble, it was impossible for Freddy Kruger to remain 'invisible' for more than a few minutes at a time. He sighed and began to whistle the Charlie Brown theme before his buggy came to an abrupt stop. Freddy looked up and cursed.

"What the...oh, sorry. Didn't mean to hit you." a man stood in front of him, blocking his way. Freddy rolled his eyes.

"Well go ahead and get out my way."

The man hesitated, looked around to make sure that no one was watching, then pulled out a gun. " 'Ey man, just give me the pie and we won't have a problem."

Freddy scowled at him. "You're mugging me for a pie?"

The man nodded and aimed his gun at Freddy. "Yeah. Just give me the pie and no one gets hurt." he held out his hand but Freddy hugged the pie to him.

"Hell no, bitch. This pie is mine. Get your own."

The man pressed the gun against Freddy's head. Surprisingly enough everyone who was walking by just kept walking without a second glance. _Well, _Freddy thought, _that's what you get when you shop on the bad side of town, I guess._

"You want this pie? This one right here?"

The man nodded. "Me and my gang need it for Thanksgi-"

"Would you settle for this?" Freddy held up his middle razored finger and laughed wickedly. "HA HA!!! Bitch got jacked." and he put the pie in the buggy and hurried off, but the man still followed him.

"Wait! You can't just flip me off then run away! I want that pie!"

Freddy stopped and turned to him. "You want that pie?"

The man nodded. "Yeah."

"Well the question that you have to ask yourself is this; do you feel lucky punk? Do you? Do you feel luck? Well do you? Punk?"

He looked puzzled. "Can you repeat the question, please?"

"Do you feel lucky, punk? Do you? Do you fe-"

_Freddy! C'mon! Ghostface is waiting outside in the parking lot. We're all ready to go!_

Freddy turned and was surprised to see Jason standing at the end of the isle. He turned to the man and ran his razor sharp fingers across his neck, slitting it wide open. The man fell onto the ground in an instant, spewing blood all over the once white and pristine floor. Jason ran over and yanked Freddy's arm, ushering him out the store.

* * *

"I don't see what the problem is." Freddy grumbled as he gripped the steering wheel and edged the Winnebago out the Wal-Mart's parking lot.

Jason shook his head. _Just shut the fuck up and drive._

* * *

What? I honestly don't see a problem with all that either? Anyway...

Soon they were all home and the ingredients had been laid out on the little wooden table in the kitchen. Freddy quickly scanned over everything then stopped. He glared at Ghostface and growled, "What the fuck are _those?_"

He pointed at a cute little package of noodles. Ghostface said meekly, "I...I umm...I believe that those would be ramen noodles."

Freddy sighed and slapped his forehead. Everyone else just glared at Ghostface and hit him wherever they could reach. "Ow! Hey! Myers try a little lower...you'll smack my ass...ow! What did I do wrong now?!"

"You dip shit, we're not having fucking ramen noodles-"

"Would it kill you to be multicultural for a minute?"

Freddy thought about it then nodded. "Yeah, truthfully, it would. I would die a little inside."

Jason: _So...what? Are we cooking?_

"Well duh. Okay, here's how it's gonna be. Voorhees, since you are just a big, stupid burden, you can just be in charge of the freaking cranberry sauce...Michael I still think that I can trust you with the turkey, stuffing and bread...Fuckface you're still in charge of the freakin' apple pie because I don't trust you."

Ghostface frowned. "Why don't you trust me?"

Freddy laughed at this and Michael and Jason thought of laughing, but sadly they are mute. Michael thought, _Why don't we trust you??? You only opened up a portal to hell and killed us all!_

Ghostface shrugged. "Yeah it was a minor inconvenience."

Jason: _Minor? Minor?! You're luck that I don't fucking kill you right now, you cock sucking little..._

"Will everyone just shut up?!" Freddy yelled. They all grew silent and looked down at their feet like embarrassed little children. "Now y'all are all doing this for one person-ME. And as I'm sure we all know by now, I, Freddy Kruger, am the most important person in the world since Jesus himself. So everything that you do-ever single useless breath you take-is for me and dedicated to my happiness. You know what would make me the happiest person ever right now? Is if you all did the work that I gave you and shut the fuck up! Now!"

Everyone stumbled over to their individual sections of the counter and got to work. Freddy carefully read over his list again and smiled. "See? This shouldn't be that complicated...gravy. How hard is that to make? It's just a bunch of brown stuff you put on top of rice and junk. Not hard at all."

Jason rolled his eyes as he got to work unscrewing the top off of the cranberry sauce can._ When you shit what color is it?_

"Well I don't put _that _on top of rice and junk." Freddy said he took the frozen pie out of the box and threw it in the oven. Michael glared at him.

_Nu-uh. You can't do that._

"And why the hell not? The pies can cook along with the turkey. See?" he laughed and said more to himself than to anyone else, "Cooking isn't hard; it's just common sense. Myers you can go ahead and put the pies in the oven when you cook the bird, okay? Oh and you gotta clean it first, so don't forget."

_Clean the pies?_

He shook his head. "No, Myers. The turkey of course."

Michael nodded as he dropped the enormous bird into the sink and prepared to clean it. _Right, right. Of course._

Jason's eyes got wide and he tried to wrestle the turkey away from him. _Nu-uh. No fuckin' way! I'm not letting him cook the turkey! He didn't even know that you have to clean it and season it!_

Michael seemed puzzled by this. _So...you have to season it? With what I wonder...that doesn't make much sense at all._

Ghostface stopped dumping the cans of green beans into a bowl and glanced over at Michael with a concerned look under his mask. "It's not hard...you season it with salt and pepper and stuff..."

He nodded like he understood. _Yeah I get that, but which season? Summer, Fall, Spring...I suppose Winter since that's when Thanksgiving is, right?_

Freddy sighed. "No, you dip shit! Here-" he grabbed some seasonings from out of the Wal-Mart bag and threw them at Michael. "You take those and dump them on the turkey. Get it? And for future reference, Thanksgiving is in _Fall, _not _Winter. _Dumb ass."

Jason shook his head. _No it's not. It's in Winter, right? Ghostface?_

Ghostface shrugged. "I always thought that it was in Fall, but I could be wrong."

This seemed to confuse Michael even more. _But if it's in Winter, then when is Christmas? In Spring?_

Jason: _No. Everyone knows that Christmas is in Winter, dummy._

"Okay, okay! It doesn't matter! Just get cookin'! Voorhees, when you're done opening the cranberry sauce, help Myers get that bird in the oven. It's gonna be a hell of a Thanksgiving!"

* * *

No one really had anymore problems after that. After a brief debate, it was unanimously decided that Thanksgiving was in fact in Summer, and that Christmas was in Spring. Don't ask me...

Everything seemed to be going smoothly until Ghostface came up to Freddy. "Hey, Kruger. What do I put in the green bean casserole in place of the cream of mushroom soup?"

Freddy shrugged. "I dunno. I thought that you got the sou-"

"Yeah I don't really wanna talk about it. Just tell me what I can use, please."

"I dunno. I guess milk or something else that's creamy and white. Just make it taste good, okay? Don't fuck this up for me, or I'll make sure that you never get a solid night's sleep again."

Ghostface nodded and went back over to where his casserole was waiting. He looked around, grabbed a cup and thought, then he turned right around and headed for the bathroom. Freddy cursed. "Where the fuck do you think that you're going?"

"I need to take a piss!"

"Well hurry up!"

"Okay, I'll be quick." and he slammed the bathroom door. Meanwhile Michael and Jason were slaving with the turkey.

_Okay, _Jason thought as they gripped the pan that the turkey was in and lifted it up. _I'll hold it while you open the oven, then I'll slam it in._

_ Well don't slam it on the pies, stupid! _Michael thought as he tried to open the oven. Jason's arms began to shake under the weight of the turkey. _What's taking so long?_

_It's stuck or something...I don't know...ARGH! _Michael tried desperately to open it but to no avail. Jason was beginning to sweat now.

_Jeez...how much does this thing weigh?!_

Michael shrugged and continued to try and pry open the oven. _I dunno...looks like 20ish pounds. _

_ I think that I'm gonna-_Just as he thought this, his arms finally let go and the turkey fell onto the ground with a sick squelching noise. Freddy came running over and gasped.

"What...the..._FUCK?!"_

Michael smiled meekly under his mask. _Umm...surprise!_

Jason just got to his feet and wiped his hands off on his pants. _We...uh...we had a little accident._

"A 'little accident'?! Can't you stupid fucks even put a turkey in an oven?"

Michael rolled his eyes and tried to put the turkey back in the pan by himself. _Well apparently we can't. Thanks for rubbing it in, though, asshole._

Ghostface came out the bathroom and looked down at the turkey. "What's going on?"

Freddy just sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. He pointed at the turkey that was sprawled on the floor. "Help them, will ya? I'm going to do something useful...is the bread in the oven yet?"

Michael nodded. _Yeah, the bread's-Ghostface stop touching me ass!_

Ghostface shook his head and tried his best to look innocent. "It's not me."

Michael glared at Jason, who just shrugged. _Don't look at me._

Freddy glared down at them. "You want a kick in the ass? Here!" He in fact delivered a well placed kick to Michael's hindquarters. He fell flat on his face amidst the muck from the turkey and didn't bother to get up.

Jason sighed. _I guess we should probably start cooking again, huh?_

"Well what do you think, idiot?"

They all got up after successfully managing to get the turkey back in the pan. Everyone got back to work.

* * *

Eventually everything was in the oven and cooking and junk, and everything seemed right in the world for a few hours then...

"What the hell is that smell?" Freddy asked, sniffing the air.

Ghostface just sat on the couch snoring, completely asleep, and Jason jumped as Freddy reached over and yelled right in his ear, "I ASKED WHAT THE FUCK THAT SMELL WAS, DUMMY!!!"

_What sm...oh that smell. Yeah, that's not a good smell. It smells like-_

_ Shit, _Michael thought, _rotting, burning shit._

Freddy gasped and jumped over the couch and hurried over to the oven. Smoke was wafting out of the oven. Freddy opened the door and fell to his knees in despair. "No...no, God, please no!"

Jason came over and knelt down beside him. _What's wrong?_

Michael came over as well and looked down at Freddy with cheerfully sparkling eyes. _Why is Kruger crying?_

Freddy jumped up and stabbed him in the stomach. "I am not crying!"

Over on the couch Ghostface snored and jumped. He looked around wildly, asking, "What? What did I miss?"

Jason sighed and leaned on a counter. _Michael burned the turkey, pies and bread. So basically, our whole Thanksgiving is ru-_

"NO!" Freddy declared as he put on some oven mitts and looked into the smoky haze of the oven, "I will not let this Thanksgiving be ruined!"

He reached inside the oven and pulled out the turkey, bread and pies in the blink of an eye, then he threw off the oven mitts and started jumping up and down, howling, "Mother...I burnt myself! Shit!"

Michael rolled his eyes. _Yeah. You got burned to death, but you're still scared of reaching into an oven, huh?_

"Fuck you, Myers! You ruined this whole day! God fuck it! Well at least I could save the turkey and stuff..."

But no. It was not saved. The turkey along with everything else was hopelessly burned. Ghostface frowned and tried to scrape some of the charred and crispy skin off the turkey. "Hmm...maybe we can scrape it off?"

Jason took out his machete and shoved it through the center of the bird. He frowned and pried the two halves of the turkey away from each other. The inside was a sick pinkish color. _Nope. No good. We didn't defrost it long enough; the inside is still raw._

_ Well what about the bread? _Michael asked. _Or maybe the pies are still good?_

Ghostface reached over and punched one of the pies with all his might; it had no effect. "They're all as hard as rocks. Ha, ha...that was funny. Hard as rocks..."

"You all fucking ruined my Thanksgiving! Pinface will never let me forget this! God just fuck it to hell! Shit!" and Freddy aimed a well targeted punch at one of the blackened pies, but then staggered back and gripped his hand. "Shit! That fucking hurt! Damn!"

_Profanity won't help, Freddy._

"Well why don't you just shut the fuck up and do something, Myers? Standing there doing nothing won't help either, will it?"

Jason: _Hey, don't yell at him! It's not like it's his...oh, wait. Yeah it is his fault..._

_ Thanks a lot, Voorhees!_

He shrugged. _Sorry, Michael. I can't fix stupid._

"Oh why don't you just put a sock in it?" Ghostface asked as he tried to scrape some of the singed crust off the pie. Freddy took the pie away from him and threw it at Michael. It hit him with a hallow thwack.

"Well at least we still have the green bean casserole, right?" he asked Ghostface hopefully.

He laughed nervously and looked around the room. "Uh...yeah...right. Listen, Freddy, I'm not sure that you want to-"

"Mmmm..." Freddy said as he took the casserole out of the microwave and dug into it with a spoon. He took a big spoonful out and ate it. His eyes got wide as he spat it out on the ground, right in Michael's hair. "What the fuck is in that shit?"

Michael grimaced as he tried to wipe the mess out his hair. _Oh come on! I'm sure that it couldn't have been so bad that you needed to spit it in my hair!_

"Try some!" Freddy took another spoonful and forced it into Michael's hand. He took a little bite and his eyes grew wide as well.

_That's...that's not right! Jesus Christ...Ghostface what did you put into it?_

Jason at a little and spat it out in the sink. _Oh my...Ghostface...don't tell me it's..._

He shrugged and took a spoonful for himself and ate it. "Ugh...I see what you mean...it's a little salty."

Michael felt as if he might vomit. _You didn't put se-_

"Oh my God, that's fucking...ugh! Please dear God!" and Freddy ran into the bathroom to vomit his guts out.

"What?" Ghosface asked, "Freddy said that it needed creamy white stuff and I couldn't find cream of mushroom soup anywhere so-"

Jason interrupted him. _Yeah, you know what? Just never talk to me again. _And he got up and went to wait for his turn in the bathroom.

* * *

"Okay, so maybe it wasn't the best Thanksgiving in the world, but it _was _a Thanksgiving!" Ghostface said. Freddy just kept switching the channels on the T.V. And tried to get the disgusting taste out his mouth-four hours and it still wasn't gone.

"Why don't you just shut up already?"

"Well it's not like we're celebrating anything awesome on Thanksgiving anyway!" Ghostface argued. "So what? Christopher Columbus set foot in America, robbed and beat some Indians before giving them diseases that they couldn't fight off because their immunity wasn't strong enough...yeah, really happy Thanksgiving huh? Let's just go out and kill a bunch of Cherokee Indians to take it up to the next level!"

Jason just stared at him through this whole speech and finally thought, _What the hell is wrong with you? That never even hap-_

But Michael interrupted him. _Yeah. Real happy fucking Thanksgiving._


	29. Episode 27Merry Christmas for All

Episode 27 Merry Christmas for All

* * *

"DECK THE HALLS-"

"Will you please-"

" 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE-"

"-shut the hell up!" Freddy howled at Ghostface.

Michael sighed. _I can't take it anymore! All this decorating and the presents...world peace and family...it's sick!_

Jason, who was cover his eyes, just thought, _And why the fuck are you naked, Ghostface?!_

Ghostface, who was standing up on a stool hanging Christmas lights from the ceiling fan, looked down and shrugged his naked shoulders. "It's all apart of the Christmas thing, guys."

Everyone had their eyes covered now. Freddy growled, "You dumb ass! Get the fuck down from there and put your god damned clothes back on!"

Ghostface shook his head. "No, really. 'Don we now our gay apparel'. GAY. G-A-Y, not straight. Speaking of sexual preferences, Myers what would you like for Christmas? I'll give you a hint. It's big and-"

Michael just kept his eyes firmly closed and pleaded, _I just want to not get raped...please leave alone!_

Freddy got to his feet and threw a blanket at Ghostface, setting him off balance. He feel to the ground with a thud and a grunt. "PUT YOUR GOD DAMNED CLOTHES ON! IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL OR ANYTHING!!!"

Ghostface pulled the blanket off his face and threw it in a corner. Everyone else groaned and went back to covering their eyes. "Well at least it's not, like, trashy or anything. At least the episode divider doesn't cut you off before you're done with your sen-"

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

Michael looked around puzzled then quickly covered up his eyes again when he saw that Ghostface was still in his birthday suit. _What just happened? And what are you talking about? What episode and what divider?_

Jason sighed. _Forget it, Michael. If you haven't found out by now, you never will._

_ Find out what?_

Freddy rolled his eyes, reached over and threw a pillow at Ghostface. "I don't give a fuck what you wear, but just cover up a little so we don't have to go around looking at your junk the whole day, 'kay?"

Ghostface nodded and put the pillow over himself. "Fair enough, but for the record, it _was _in the song."

Jason looked skeptical. _I don't think that they meant for you to go around naked and try to rape people._

Ghostface gasped and said indignantly, "I would never do that to anyone! Name one person that I've raped!"

Everyone's gaze shifted to Michael. He nodded. _Yeah. He did...unspeakable things to me. I still have nightmares and I still can't sit down on my ass the completely right way either._

"Are you sure you're not constipated?" Ghostface asked. Freddy grimaced.

"Oh my freakin' God, this conversation just has to stop because it's totally sick."

Ghostface nodded, pulled on his shirt and boxers then got up. "Yeah, totally. Besides, I gotta put the presents under the tree and-"

Jason's eyes shined with annoyance. _You got us presents? That means that we have to get you something, dip shit._

He nodded again and went in the bathroom and in a second he was out, his arms laden with gifts. "See? Merry Christmas!"

Michael jumped to his feet and seized the box that had the words _MICHAEL MYERS _crudely written on the wrapping paper. _Oh thanks so much! This is my very first Christmas with gifts, you know!_

Freddy looked at him surprised. "What? Was your family Jewish or something?"

Michael shook his head and hugged the present to him. _No but they never bothered to buy me any presents! All the gifts were either Judith or baby Laurie's! Ha ha...I always just sat in my room every Christmas crying and writing my suicide note and thinking of ways to kill them while they were sleeping...guess it all payed off, huh?_

_ Yeah, Michael. You umm...really won. _Jason thought. Then he turned to Ghostface. _You're not really gonna let Michael open his a day early, are you?_

"Of course I'm not! Michael here!" Ghostface held out his hand. "Give it to me. You can have it back on Christmas."

Glumly Michael handed the box back to him and sulked over to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. Freddy just stood there with his hands on his hips glaring at Ghostface. "What the fuck, man?!"

"What the fuck what?"

"Why the hell are you doing giving out presents and being all cheery?"

He shrugged and put all of the presents under the Christmas tree that took up nearly all of the small living area. "I dunno. I guess that I just can't help but get into the Christmas spirit. Sorry to disappoint you, but I really do just like Christmas. It's no evil plot or anything...I just wanted to do something good."

Freddy scoffed. "Yeah and upstage me in the process!"

Jason broke into the fray. _Now that's just ridiculous, Kruger! We all know that you hate everything on Earth! We don't expect you to be nice, even if it is Christmas!_

"So what? I can't be nice now and then?" Freddy fumed.

"Of course you can! If you wanna go out and buy some presents, great. If not, then it's no big deal; it's as simple as that."

"Fine! I'll go out and buy the most kick ass presents ever! Hey! Myers!" he called over to Michael.

Michael, who had been carrying over mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, and other assorted sandwich fixings to the table, stopped and dropped the ingredients onto the counter. _Yeah? What?_

"What do you want for Christmas?"

He shrugged. _I dunno._

"Well think!"

Michael just stood there for a second looking up at the ceiling, his eyes hazy and far off as he thought. Freddy ran over to him and slapped him. Ghostface gasped. "Freddy! What in God's name are you-"

"Making him tell me what the fuck he wants me to give him!" then he said to Michael, "Think, dip shit, think! I'm just doing this out of the goodness of my fucking heart! THINK!!! THINK FOR FREDDY!"

Michael recoiled and began to cringe. _I...I can't!_

"Why not?!"

_I'm scared. There's too much pressure; I can't think under pressure!_

"For the love of..." Freddy let Michael go and walked over to the door.

Jason glared at him. _You've already scarred Michael, ruined Ghostface's day and killed the last bit of my soul that's left and you're leaving? Just like that?_

"Yeah. Screw every one of you. I'll buy whatever the fuck that I wanna buy for you ungrateful bastards." Freddy said as he walked out the door. Once he was gone Ghostface looked over to Michael.

"You okay?" he asked sympathetically.

_I'm scarred._

Jason sighed and tried to see past the Christmas tree to the T.V. _I know, Myers. We all are._

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

Freddy grumbled and muttered as he walked out of the aparment complex. "So what?" he muttered to himself, "I can't be nice once in a while? I have to be a Scrooge on Christmas? Well I'll show them...I'll show all of them!"

"Show who?"

Freddy looked up and was surprised to see the two vampires Juliek and Luchesi standing at then end of the street in scarves and jackets. He rolled his eyes. "You two aren't dead yet?"

Luchesi shook his head cheerfully and adjusted his small, tinted glasses on his nose. "Nope. Thankfully we're still here and Christmas shopping."

"Well maybe you can help me then," Freddy said. "I've been having some trouble with the rest of my roommates. You see, one of them is trying to show off by buying all of us gifts. The only problem is that now _I _need to buy something or...or..."

Juliek smiled, his aqua eyes twinkling. "Or you'll seem like a certified douche, right. Understandable. Well what did you have in mind to buy them?"

He chuckled awkwardly. "You see that's the thing. I really don't know anything about them because I hate them so much..."

"Well what about that one in the black and white mask? He seems like he'd like a nice...oh, jeez, I dunno. Whadda think, Juliek?" Luchesi asked as he ran his fingers through his goatee. "Maybe a nice B.J.?"

Juliek thought about it and smiled. "Yeah that sounds about right. God damn it, Luke! You always think of the best ideas!"

The other vampire smiled a gorgeous smile and said humbly, "Yeah, I know."

"It's really sexy."

"Yeah, I know...wait...what?"

Freddy cleared his throat. They looked at him and he continued. "And the one in the hockey mask-Jason-might like a new machete or something?"

They both nodded. Juliek said, "And the one in the jumpsuit seems like he would like a pumpkin to carve. He reminds me of that trippy cat from that one movie...what's it called, Luchesi?"

"_Halloween._" Luchesi said. Juliek sighed.

"Yeah...yeah, that's the one...real nice movie. You know that they only had a, like, 20 thousand dollar budget?"

"Really? I thought-"

"Hey? Guys?" Freddy broke in.

They vampires stared at him and asked together, "What?"

He flashed the a smile and said, "Thanks for your help, but I better get going. Umm...just in the off chance that I have some extra cash, is there anything that you guys want?"

They answered together again, but they said different things. Juliek said happily, "Porno." and Luchesi said, "Weed."

Freddy looked from one to the other and said, "So...porn about weed or..."

Luchesi and Juliek glanced at each other and tried again. This time they said the same thing; "Weed."

"Okay. Good. Umm...I'll see you guys later." and he hurried away, glad to be away from the two vampires. Juliek and Luchesi watched him go.

Juliek sighed. "You know he sure seems like a pretty decent guy, buying everyone presents and all."

"Yeah," Luchesi agreed. "and the best part is that he's doing it out of the kindness in his heart, and there's no way that he can possibly fuck up. After all, no one man can ruin Christmas, right?"

Little did they know that while Freddy was just one man, he was what I like to call the 'antagonist' of the whole holiday season. Don't ask me why I don't quite know the reason. It may have been that his shoes were too tight, or it may have been that his head wasn't screwed on just ri-oh, sorry. Getting ahead of myself. Let's just check up on Ghostface, Michael and Jason, shall we? Yes, I do believe that we shall indeed.

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

So now that my conscious is clear for bringing in Juliek and Luchesi and their merry Christmas, back to the others. Ghostface was hanging mistletoe under where Michael was sitting and humming Christmas carols merrily.

"Hey Myers! Look!" he pointed to the mistletoe. Jason rolled his eyes and pushed him so that he fell down for the second time.

"Ow! Hey! What the fuck, man?"

_Okay, _Jason thought irritably,_ I'm gonna say this one time and one time only; stop being gay! It's sick and we're not on the queer train with you, so just quit it! Michael will never willingly fuck you and neither will anyone else in this apartment. _

Ghostface sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not gay?"

Michael crossed his arms and thought glumly, _Then start acting like it._

He sat up and crossed his legs. "C'mon, I'm just joking. Of course I'm not gay; not that there's anything wrong with it, I just don't roll that way. It's just that I'm used to stalking chicks and I haven't done that in a while..."

_Then go jack off in the bathroom because no one wants you here. _Michael thought. Everyone was silent for a long while then, "What do you suppose Freddy is out doing?"

Jason: _What else? Fucking things up as usual._

Under his mask Michael smiled bitterly. _You know that we wouldn't have half the problems we have now if he weren't around._

Jason shook his head. _No way, Myers. I'm not letting you get away with that today; have you ever stopped to think that maybe if you weren't suck a stupid wuss he wouldn't raise hell? And maybe if I could not think such hostile things and if Ghostface would never open his mouth and stop behaving like a two-year-old...jeez, maybe Kruger has a right to get pissed. Living with us can't be easy._

Ghostface thought about it then said disgustedly, "Hell, no, Voorhees. I don't care if it's almost Christmas, I'm not letting you turn this into an emotional love your brother episode. I may smoke weed and listen to the Beatles, but I'm not up for that shit. Besides, this is Christmas we're talking about! _My _holiday! Can't I have anything?"

Michael rolled his eyes and glanced at the Christmas tree and the presents. _You act like the holiday actually has your name on it or something. Just because you like it doesn't mean that it's yours._

Jason's eyes became hazy. He thought to himself, _I really don't came who's holiday it is, I just hope that Kruger doesn't fuck it up too bad. After all, we're gonna be the ones who have to clean it up._

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

Freddy chuckled wickedly as he took off his top hat and replaced it with a Santa cap. He looked down and observed his reflection in a puddle and his grin grew as he chortled, "What a great Christmas trick! With this red and green sweater and hat, I look just like St. Nick!"

Then his gaze slowly traveled up to the apartment complex that stood a distance away. His smile mutated into a twisted frown and he sneered. "Why for too long I've put up with this now! I've got to stop this Christmas from coming...but how?"

And he thought and thought...the more he pondered it, the angrier he got. "Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!" he snarled with a sneer. Then he growled with his claws nervously clinking drumming, "Somehow I must find a way to upstage Fuckface and stop Christmas from coming!"

True, he had gone out to buy presents, but after his conversation with his wayward neighbors, Freddy had decided that it would just be a hell of a lot easier to upstage Ghostface instead of being nice and buying everyone bigger and better presents. It saved on money and pride because even if he was celebrating Christmas, he was _still _Freddy Kruger, the Springfield Slasher, and he wasn't a pushover...even if his middle name was Charles.

So with a sour Grinch frown he made his way into the complex much later that night, when everyone was asleep,thinking but one thing: _I must stop this whole thing._

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

T'was the night before Christmas and all through number 1331

not a soul was awake, not even a single one.

The stockings were hung over the T.V. Without much care,

in hopes that someone might come and place some free gift cards there.

While everyone was asleep on the couch and floor,

Ghostface there came a loud snore.

Freddy jumped back, startled, but only for a second or two,

then he began doing what he was there to do.

He took all of their presents, in the process making quite a clatter,

but since everyone was lazy, no one got up to see what was the matter.

Soon, when Freddy had taken all his roommate's gifts, he crept out of the room

but not before tripping over his shoe and making a loud boom.

Ghostface awoke and saw the presents gone.

He hurried to wake Michael up, stifling a yawn.

_What? Why did you wake me?_

"The presents are gone and I haven't a clue where they could be!"

They hurried to look out the window in hopes of catching the thief,

but they saw nothing and their hearts filled with grief.

But somewhere down in the alley

they heard the cry of, "Merry Christmas motherfuckers! Now you'll never upstage me!"

Jason came over and his eyes were grim.

_Who took the presents? Was it him?_

Michael's eyes filled with tears. _It's over; Christmas is ruined and I'm dead inside._

And Michael Myers went into a corner and cried.

Ghostface just let his shoulders drop then he felt something he'd never felt before;

he was pissed and this was a feeling that he just couldn't ignore.

With a curse he grabbed a scarf and a coat.

Oh yes, when he saw Freddy he'd rip out his throat.

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

By the time Ghostface finally managed to track down Freddy he was half way across town sitting on a dock in a harbor on the edge of town. Quite a mouthful, right? Even I sort of forgot what I was talking about...oh yeah!

Freddy had his legs dangling over the edge of the dock. He was cleverly slitting the wrapping paper off the gifts one by one, singing merrily,

"On the first day of Christmas my dearest Fuckface gave to me

a new set of claws and a coupon so I can eat at McD's for free...

On the Second day of Christmas my dearest Fuckface gave to Myers

the special edition _Halloween _box set and a ticket to Haddonfield to fulfill all his murderous desires.

On the third day of Christmas the dumb ass Fuckface gave to Voorhees

some machete shiner and the Winnebago's keys.

On the fourth freakin day of Christmas Fuckface not nothing because

no one really liked him and I found out what a big dick head he was..."

Freddy doubled over in laughter just as Ghostface's fist collided into the side of his face. Freddy fell on the dock gasped. "Fu...Fuckface? What are you-"

"Shut up!" Ghostface kicked him in the stomach; Freddy grunted and winced. He tried to get to his feet as Ghostface punched him again, but he was unsuccessful.

"Okay, look. I know why you're mad..." Freddy hissed as he tried to catch his breath and regain his balance. "...you need to listen to me. I-"

"Why the fuck should I listen to you, shit head?! _You...ruin...EVERYTHING!!! _I fucking hate you! You couldn't even let me have one day! _One day!_" Ghostface tried to hit him again, but this time Freddy dodged it and scooped up one of the unwrapped presents. He held it above his head and motioned down to the water.

"If you hit me again I'll throw it in the harbor. I swear to God I will."

Ghostface looked from the unwrapped gifts to the water and lowered his fist. He looked at the ground and remained silent. Freddy chuckled softly and dared to smile a little. "See? That wasn't so hard was-AAH!"

In an instant Ghostface had kicked him in the groin and was gathering up all the gifts, sniffling. Freddy's eyes teared up and he whispered, "You...you fucker..."

Ghostface said nothing as he took the gift that Freddy had been holding and hugged it to him. He glanced down at Freddy and finally said quite clearly, "After today I'm moving out. I'm sick of you and your selfish, uncalled for, insufferable, attention whoreish shit."

It took a second for all of this to sink into Freddy's mind, but once it had he managed to get to his knees and call after him, "Fine! Like I give a fuck! Because I don't! I don't give a fuck about you or your stupid holiday! Fuck...fuck..." his voice trailed off; he couldn't even finish his statement before he was looking up at Ghostface with sad eyes. "Are...are you...crying?"

Ghostface hurriedly shook his head and sniffled one more time, still clutching the gifts. "N-no." his voice quivered with emotion as he turned to go.

Suddenly Freddy felt very, very horrible.

And what happened then? Well if you ask Ghostface he'll say that Freddy's heart didn't grow at all that day. If anything he just felt bad because he knew what joy Ghostface got out of giving gifts. Freddy sighed and got to his feet, grimacing. He bent down and picked up a scrap of wrapping paper and looked down at it.

"So I guess that I kinda ruined Christmas, huh?"

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah. You were kinda like a raging bitch on her period." he walked back over to Freddy and took the scrap of paper from his hand.

"Yeah. And when you just kicked me in the nuts I suppose that it didn't count as being a bitch on her period, huh?"

"Well you did ruin Christmas."

Freddy sighed. "Yeah. S...so...sorr...too bad. Umm...can we still make it right?"

He shrugged. "Maybe if you know how to wrap presents, but we're gonna have to hurry before Michael commits suicide." he grabbed Freddy's wrist and hurried him along, his arms laden with presents.

He sighed and followed Ghostface down the dock. "Great."

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

Jason patted Michael on the back in what he hoped was a supportive way. _C'mon now, Myers. It's gonna be okay. There's always next year to get presents...and don't forget about your birthday and-_

_ You already forgot it._

This surprised Jason. _Really? When was it?_

Michael sighed and looked down. _October 19, 1957. Thanks a lot. Now I feel loads better._

_ Sorry._

_ Whatever. _

There was a moment of awkward silence before Freddy and Ghostface burst into the room, both dressed up in matching Santa Clause hats. Freddy, though dismal and tired-looking, held out a handful of presents and proclaimed in a dry, monotoned voice, "Merry fuckin' Christmas to all and to all a good night."

Michael's eyes lit up with joy as he jumped to his feet and tacked Freddy to the ground. _My present! Where is it?_

"Jeez, Myers! Have some class! Look...it's right here!" and he shoved a box at Michael and pushed him off of him. Jason, though he tried not to seem too eager, came up to Freddy as well.

_So...you got the presents back?_

He nodded and got to his feet. "Yeah. And a good kick in the nuts. Umm...here." he threw a neatly wrapped package at Jason and then went over and collapsed onto the couch. God, had he ever been so tired? Being all Christmas-ey was hard work.

Across the room he heard Michael jumping up and down and thinking shrilly, _A special edition Halloween box set with over 32 hours of bonus footage and a plane ticket to Haddonfield! Just what I've always wanted!_

Jason was carefully and maturely tearing the paper off his gift as well. Once he had finally managed to open it he couldn't help but smile. _Awesome, just what I need. Some machete polish and...the keys to the Winnebago? Why?_

Ghostface shrugged and Freddy heard him say casually, " 'Cause you need a vacation. Anywhere you wanna go, just get there. Take some time off, just chill. When you get back bring some souvenirs though!"

Freddy kind of threw up in his mouth; he certainly gagged. Ghostface looked over at him and poked him on the shoulder. "Hey, Freddy?"

"Yeah?" he looked up and out of the cushon of the couch so that his voice wouldn't sound so muffled.

Ghostface was kneeling next to him holding out a red and green stiped box. "Merry Christmas."

Freddy rolled his eyes and tasted vomit in the back of his throat. Yep, he was definetly about to upchuck. "Shove it up your ass and go for a stroll."

Ghostface just tucked it under his hand and without another word went away into the kitchen to get a beer. Freddy sighed and rolled over. He slashed his fingers across the box and the wrapping paper fell neatly off. He cut open the tape that secured the package and looked inside. His eyes became wide.

Inside there were no coupons or razors as Freddy had first seen; Ghostface had replaced them with a single item-a picture of a young girl with a big smile. Freddy's eye glazed over and his brain flooded with memories of the days before he was a serial killer. Through dry lips he managed to whisper, "Kathryn?"

Freddy quickly shoved the aged and bent picture back in its box and shoved the box under the couch. The others stared at him. Michael was oblivious to Freddy's emotions as he thrust the first _Halloween _DVD into the player and pressed play. Immediately the _Halloween _theme song ran out through the apartment. Jason ignored it and stared at Freddy.

_You okay, Kruger? You look like you've seen a ghost or something._

Ghostface nodded earnestly, pretending to not know what Freddy's problem was. "Yeah, Freddy. You feeling okay? You look sick..."

Freddy managed to nod, ignoring the churning corrosiveness that was now forming in his stomach, creeping up his throat steadily. He felt sick. Though he smiled and said, "Yes," his eyes communicated something entirely different; _How the hell do you know?_

Though he couldn't see Ghost face's eyes through his mask, he could almost sense what he was thinking. _I had a feeling. Merry Christmas, Frederick Charles Kruger, merry Christmas._

"Yeah," Freddy mumbled as he rolled over on the couch so that he didn't have to face anyone. "Real Merry Fucking Christmas, Kathryn."

_{}MERRYCHRISTMAS{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}MERRY CHRISTMAS{}_

Okay, I know what y'all are probably asking...

**Question:** WHO THE FUCK IS KATHERYN?

**Answer:** Well believe it or not, Mr. Frederick Charles Kruger was actually a normal person at one point in his sad life. His mother was raped by a bunch of inmates at a mental asylum and then gave birth to Freddy. Soon the young wayward Freddy was adopted by an abusive man and suffered all kinds of physical and mental abuse that eventually led to his hobby of abusing and torturing animals. He got married and had a kid; Katheryn Kruger. Unknown to both his wife and child, he had fashioned himself some claws and was butchering up the other kids of Elm Street and stuff...his wife found out so he killed her in front of Katheryn. Eventually he was sent to jail but let out because of some technical and that's when the parents of Elm Street took their revenge upon the serial killer who had killed their children. The rest is history. So yeah. Just a little background information that I found important. And no, this information was not singularly gathered from the infamous _Wikipedia._

Also, soon I will be revising and editing most of the episodes mostly for grammatical errors and stuff...so just chill if I fuck up on a phrase or two...I'm working on it.

PEACE.

LOVE.

HIPPIENESS.

**MERRY CHRISTMA**S


	30. Episode 28Michael Finds His Happy Place

Episode 28-Michael Finds His Happy Place

* * *

Michael sighed but as usual everyone ignored him. Only when he sighed so loudly that no one could hear the T.V. Did someone talk to him. "What the hell, man? Shut up! It's football night!

Michael glanced at him and thought, _Since when do we like football, Ghostface?_

Ghostface frowned. "You know what? I really don't know..."

Jason: _God Myers. Why do you have to point this shit out? Can't you see that Freddy and Ghostface can't think that good?_

Freddy scoffed. "Look who's talking. 'Freddy and Ghostface can't think that _good.' _What the fuck is that, hokey puck? I don't think that you can live too good if that's the case."

Under his mask Michael raised an eyebrow. _I don't see any problem with what he said._

"God," Freddy mumbled. "You are a dumb ass."

Ghostface sighed. "Why can't we all just get along?"

"Because Michael is a prissy boy, Voorhees is a mamma's boy, you're a wimp, and me...well I'm just the awesome one." Freddy said with a smile. He turned up the volume on the T.V. Just as Michael got up.

Jason turned to him. _What the hell is wrong with you?_

Michael glared at him. _I am not a prissy boy, so there! I just don't really like dirt...or blood. _When they all looked at each other and laughed, he turned and went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

God he hated them so much...so much that well, he was willing to do anything to make it all just disappear. Michael wretched open the sink cabinet and was surprised to find a shiny, perfect syringe filled with some kind of liquid. Underneath his mask he dared to smile.

_Speed perhaps? _He thought as he pushed up his sleeve and prepared to puncture his skin, _Or something better?_

He jabbed the needle into his skin without much thought and just as he pumped the drug into his veins the voice of Ghostface spoke from the other side of the bathroom door, shouting, "Hey Michael?! If you're in here then you shouldn't look under the sink cabinet...there's some stuff that looks like speed in there but it's really some of your extra meds. I thought that we should have it on hand after your little 'Haddonfiled trial' thing. Just don't do it, okay?"

Michael's eyes widened and he stared down at the needle protruding from his arm. He ripped it out of his flesh and flung it against the wall, shattering the now empty syringe. Just as he did this he lost his balance and fell onto the cool bathroom floor, cracking his head against the sink counter. He felt the skin give way and tear open in a sudden burst of sharp and unexpected pain.

Michael rolled over on his back and winced as he gently prodded the tender spot with his fingertips. His plain white mask squished down on something gross...the blood began to creep slowly down his face and neck. Michael silently cursed as he reached up with numb arms and tried to grasp the doorknob.

_Damn it to hell...ahh!_

Just as he got a good grip on the doorknob and managed to haul himself to his knees, his muscles completely shut down. Michael let out a whimper of pain as he fell onto the ground again, his limbs aching and numb...but somehow feeling a little relieved.

With wide and now dilated eyes he looked up at the ceiling and let himself begin to panic. _What did I just do? WHAT DID I JUST DO???_

Then, from some deep, abandoned recess in his mind, he remembered a conversation that his old therapist, Dr. Loomis, had had with a nurse on a night when he had escaped from the Smith's Grove mental institution...

_What do we give him when we take him in front of the judge?_

_ Thorazine._

_ He'll barley be able to sit up!_

_ That's the idea._

And with that drifting in and out of his brain in a haze of thoughts, Michael's eyes became heavy and he lost consciousness.

* * *

TWO HOURS LATER...

Ghostface peered over to the bathroom door and frowned. "Hey, do you guys suppose that Myers is okay?"

Freddy scoffed. "Who gives a fuck?"

Everyone was still for a second, silently debating on who would go and see if everything was okay. Finally Jason rose to his feet and went to knock on the bathroom door. _Michael? You okay? We haven't heard anything from you in a while..._

It took a second for the lock on the door to click and unlock and for the door to swing open. Michael was standing in the bathroom with a dreamy look in his eyes. He stifled a giggle and gently patted Jason on the shoulder supportively.

_Thanks, pal. I really appreciate your concern about me, but I'm fine. _And he walked past Jason and took his place on the floor. Jason just stood there wide-eyed for a second thinking, _What the heck __just happened?_

Freddy and Ghostface, however, failed to notice that anything was amiss with Michael. Freddy glared down at him and spat venomously, "What? Aren't you gonna start complaining about how you have to sit on the floor like you usually do?"

He shook his head and thought joyously, _I'm fine._

Ghostface looked down at him oddly. "Wait...what? What do ya mean you're _fine?_"

Michael looked up at him and smiled under his mask. His shoulder drooped more than usual and his arms were totally limp, his fingers curled and grabbing at nothing but air. _I'm good. I don't need to sit on the couch. Thanks for your concern though._

Freddy reached over and stabbed him in the back of the neck with one clawed finger. "Shut the fuck up and stop saying that." and he pulled the claw out of his neck and returned his attention to the T.V.

Michael just thought, _Saying what? I really do feel good, you know. I've never felt this happy in...jeez, forever!_

Ghostface gasped and looked from Michael to the open bathroom door, thinking of just one thing... "The Thorazine!"

Everyone turned to stare at him. _The what? _Jason asked. Ghostface chuckled and tried to play his sudden outburst off.

"Uh...nothing. Nothing at all."

But Michael was more than happy to help him out. _He said 'Thorazine'. Remember guys? That's my medication. The nice people at the mental hospital used to always have me loaded up with the stuff...it makes your muscles feel all limp and your brain feels like you're walking on air and it makes your heart sing and-_

_ You mean that it makes you...happy? _Jason frowned.

He thought about it and then nodded. _Yeah! I guess it does!_

Freddy looked over at Ghostface with a deadly expression. "You...got...him...high?!"

He chuckled again and shrugged. "It was a...slight miscalculation."

Freddy let out a vicious howl and jumped on top of him, and wrapped his fingers around his throat. "YOU WILLINGLY GAVE A PSYCHOTIC PSYCHOPATH WITH INTERMITTENT EXPLOSIVE DISORDER DRUGS TO MAKE HIM FEEL GOOD?!?!"

But Michael shook his head. _Nu-uh. It was never specifically proven that I had IED, only hypothesized. _

Jason looked over at him with warning eyes. _Uh Michael? I think that it would just be best to be quiet for now, okay?_

_ Can't help it, _he thought cheerily, _I just feel so bubbly and warm inside! Now that I don't have to keep generating new life every day, I feel great!_

Freddy's grip around Ghostface's neck loosened and his eyes fell dead on Michael. "What did you just say?"

_Now that I don't have to keep regenerating myself to stay alive, I've really started to feel a lot better! This is the greatest that I've ever felt in my whole life!_

He nodded. "Uh-huh. That's what I thought that you said." then he turned back to Ghostface and yelled so loud that spit flew from his mouth and his eyes bulged, "WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY?! TELL ME!!!"

Ghostface, who was still trying to catch his breath after being nearly strangled to death, gasped out, "Stop yelling!"

"Then tell me what it means!"

"You're still yelling, though!"

"Yeah but not as loud!"

He thought about it and shrugged. "Yeah, fair enough. Okay, now listen here because I'm only gonna explain it once; the medication interferes with Michael's circulatory system-it's causing his blood to slowly congeal and clot. It also inhibits him from having the power to regenerate after death. To make it simple, the Thorazine totally stops Michael from being immortal and then slows his heart rate by thickening his blood. That's why he's so calm, because his heart isn't pumping so fast. I realized the side effects, but just wanted to have some extra on hand in case he got a little...what was the word you used, Kruger? 'Explosive' around us, that's all."

Jason's eyes became wide and he glanced at Michael. _So...he's dying?_

Ghostface nodded. "Yep. Sorry guys, I guess I fucked up."

"You...oh my freakin God! You _guess _you fucked up?! You are only killing the boogey man, idiot! Nothing major!"

Michael was still smiling brightly under his mask. _Well at least it won't be painful or anything. After all, a quick and painless way is the best way to go, don't you think?_

"Oh my God." Freddy mumbled. "I can't believe that it's possible, but you've managed to make Myers even more annoying! We've gotta fix this before he dies or stays like that forever! Or whichever comes first...but what I don't understand is how it's killing him."

"I already explained that," Ghostface said, his voice becoming a tad bit annoyed. "The medication is slowly-"

"Yeah, I get that part, but it makes no sense. I mean, what does the thickness of blood have to do with-"

"How about you shut the fuck up and just continue on with the plot?"

Jason frowned. _But it really doesn't make an sen-_

"You act like I'm a doctor or something!" Ghostface whined, "But I'm just-"

"You're just the guy who killed Michael Myers. Good job, Fuckface." Freddy hissed before he turned to Jason and instructed, "Take Myers outside. Maybe if he get some air he'll start to feel better."

Michael followed Jason outside, thinking, _I don't see the big deal in me dying and all...I've done it hundreds of times before, so how bad could this time be?_

_ The problem isn't that you're dying, dummy. It's that you're being annoying and cheery about it and we can't scrape up any extra money to pay your part of the rent. _Jason thought as he guided him over to the glass balcony doors and slid it open. _Now just sit down and try not to kill yourself._

Michael chuckled and leaned on the railing of the balcony leisurely. _Jason?_

_ What?_

_ I love you._

He rolled his eyes and took a step away from him. _Uh...yeah. Love you too, Michael. Jeez, you really are high, aren't you?_

There was a moment of silence before Jason looked back into the apartment and went to open the balcony doors. _Yeah, well...Imma go try and find you some beer or something to make you a little less lovey-dovey, 'kay? After all, you're not a happy drunk, you're an angry one. Be right back._

_ 'Kay. _Michael thought. As Jason turned and reached for the knob, he failed to notice the fact that Michael was slowly slipping off the railing...just as he turned to ask, _You want anything else, Myers? Maybe some pizza or-FUCK!!!_

He jumped forward and reached out for Michael's hand an instant before he slid over the rail..._Ha, ha...falling is such great fun..._

_ No! No! Falling is not great fun! Michael!_

Jason's eyes widened as he backed away from the railing and began to bite his black nails..._I can't believe that I just killed...shit, what am I gonna do now? What am I gonna do? What am I...I know what I'm gonna do! _He hurried over to the rail and tentatively peered over. _M-Michael? Are you okay?_

But the other killer's body wasn't lying in the bottom of the alley as it should have been...it was gone! Just then Freddy burst onto the balcony. Jason swallowed and turned to face him. _Uh...h-hi, __Kruger. What's up?_

"Tell Myers that he's gonna have to sleep out here until tomorrow or unil we think of a way to fix him, okay? Can you handle that, retard?"

He nodded hurriedly and began picking his nails. _Uh yeah, totally. No problem whatsoever...I mean, it's not like Michael just fell off the balcony or anything because then we'd have a problem...nope, it's not like that at all..._

Freddy stared at him questioningly. "Voorhees are you-"

_Gosh, I'm fine! Why can't everyone just get off my freaking back for a change?! _And he went to storm off, but Freddy stopped him.

"Uh...Voorhees?"

Jason was beginning to sweat nervously now. _Yeah?_

"Myers isn't here, is he?"

He shook his head. _Uh...no, he's not._

"Where is he, Voorhees?"

Jason turned and motioned to the rail. _He...umm...went over._

"Over what?" Freddy asked as he went up to him. His eyes sparkled dangerously as he hissed, "Tell me."

Jason backed away until he felt his back hit the cool metal of the railing. Freddy didn't back up. _Over the railing._

"Over the...hmm...over the rail, huh Voorhees? Well what are we gonna do about that?"

_We're gonna-_

"I'll tell ya what we're gonna do! We're gonna go over and..." his voice trailed off as he leaned over and peered over the rail. His face fell and his eyes grew dull. He asked flatly, "Where the fuck is his body?"

Jason hesitated. _G-Gone._

Ghostface also came out onto the balcony then and asked in a concerned way, "What's takin' so long? Where's Michael?"

Freddy threw his arms up in the air in frustration. "Ask Voorhees!"

He turned to Jason. "Where's Michael and why is Freddy so pissy?"

_Well he's sort of...not here at the moment. _

"Whadda mean?"

_He fell off the balcony. Sorry._

Ghostface and Freddy turned to each other and yelled in panic. "What are we gonna do? There's a psychopathic killer all hyped up on meds walking the streets of a highly populated city!" Ghostface cried.

"And the worst part is that he could be _anywhere _by now...sleeping in a dumpster, eating at McDonalds...or worse..."

* * *

TRUE: Michael was so doped up on Thorazine that he couldn't really think at all.

TRUE: He was also hallucinating and seeing flashing colors that really weren't there.

TRUE: Each second that Michale spent walking around just could be the last second of his life, as his heart was steadily struggling to beat.

FALSE: He was _not _sleeping in a dumpster, eating at McDonalds as Freddy had hypothesized; he had staggered to the apartment across the alley and gone up flights and flights of stairs...

With a shaky hand he reached out and knocked on the door. A skinny man with small tinted glasses, raven black hair, and grassy green eyes answered the door. He wore a tie dye shirt and baggy, loose jeans. In his hair there was a headband and flowers...

On his face there was a half sneer of derision yet there was also a smile forming on the corners of his mouth. "Hey...dude! What's up, brother?" and pulled Michael into a hug, and took the flower out of his own hair and put it into Michael's. "Love to you, man."

_Ha, ha...you're funny. Hey, I was just wondering that since- _Michael's thoughts broke off and he let out a whimper of pain and gripped his chest. _Ow! Well golly gee, Ghostface wasn't lying when he said that it would hurt...h-e-double-hockey-sticks, that hurts! Oh well...at least he didn't lie about it. I detest liars..._

"Hey, what kind of shit are you tripping out on, man? The blue kind of acid? Man, at the 'Stock they kept saying something about the brown or the blue acid and how it would make you sick...jeez, man...rough times..." and Juliek's voice trailed off and his eyes glazed over as he remembered his time at the 'Stock'. Michael looked around, trying to see what the vampire found so interesting, but was unable to find anything.

_Um...Jules?_

He snapped out of his intense trance. "Huh? Oh yeah, sorry, man. Havin' flashbacks of the-"

_Yeah, yeah, the-ow! Jeez does my heart burn!-the...um...Woodstock or whatever. Listen, since __I'm dying a slow and excruciating death I was wondering if-_

Juliek gasped. "You're dying?"

Michael nodded gravely. _Yeah. It's kind of a minor inconvenience to my life, but sadly yes. I'm dying and there's nothing anyone can do about it, so can I borrow some wee-_

"Hey!" Juliek called over his shoulder. "Luke! Come'ere, man! And bring some of that good weed with you! We got one sick cat in the pad, you dig?"

Another voice called back, "Yeah, I dig, brother!" and shuffling could be heard from inside the apartment. In a second Luchesi was standing right there with a finely rolled joint in his fingers. He handed it to Michael and said graciously, "Love to you, broth-"

_Yeah, yeah. Love and peace and Hendrix and stuff. _Michael thought as he popped the burning joint in his mouth and started to inhale deeply. His already dilated eyes began to water and he chocked a little. Juliek reached over and pounded his fist against Michael's back.

"There you go, man. Just sleep it off, just like we did at the 'Stock."

Luchesi flashed him a kind yet sorrowful smile. "You prob'ly ain't got not much time left, huh man?"

As if on cue another stab of agony pierced Michael's failing heart. He shook his head and let some more smoke out through his nostrils. Juliek and Luchesi glanced at each other and then both jumped to Michael's aid and led him inside.

"Just chill, Mike. We'll take cara you." Luchesi promised him as he patted him supportively on the back.

Juliek nodded and smiled a little more. "Yeah, man. Just don't curse again."

Through his drug educed and painful daze Michael managed to think, _But I didn't curse..._

"Uh-huh you did." Juliek said as he closed the apartment door quietly. "You said 'Love and peace and Hendrix and stuff'. _Hendrix, _man, _Hendrix. _Don't curse against the Lord, man. What commandment was that again, Luke?"

The other vampire stuck one eyebrow up and said ponderously, "Yeah, dude, I know that one..."

"Which is i-"

"Ssh! I's thinkin'...umm...that would have to be the 59938, 'cause the 59937 one is 'Thou shalt not deny thy brother the sacred marijuana', so yeah. It's the 59938 one..."

Although he could barely function, somewhere in the very back of Michael's mind he couldn't help but think, _Yep, Imma die. Totally and indefinitely will I die._

* * *

TWO HOURS AFTER MICHAEL'S DISAPPERANCE...

"Where the fuck is he?! Tell me, you stupid fuck!!!"

"P-P-Please, mister Kruger! Don't hurt me...I have a family to feed!"

"You act like I care! C'mon, Mr. Zombie! Tell me!"

Rob Zombie stuck his hands in the air and shook his head. "I swear to God that I-"

"You have five seconds...five..."

He looked around desperately. "Please, man! I don't know! Let's just be cool about this!"

Freddy glared at him and let his razored fingers slide lightly across Rob's throat. "...four..."

"I told you that I don't know where that attention stealin' pussy bastard is! He's not my problem anymore!"

"...THREE..."

But Rob Zombie was quick on his feet. Why, that old Grinch thought up a lie and he thought it up quick-oh, sorry...still in Christmas mode here. Anyway, he looked dead into Freddy's heartless eyes and cried, "Okay, okay! You got me! I'll tell you where he is! He's in downtown San Antonio, okay? Which reminds me...how the hell did you get all the way to my home in Hollywood, California, in a matter of two hours?"

Freddy stepped away from him. "Why the fuck do you care, bitch?" then he turned and walked down Rob Zombie's driveway. So after all that he was back where he had started? Oh well. By the time that he got home, Michael would probably be there already looking just as pissed off as ever and, above all, alive.

* * *

TWO MORE HOURS LATER BACK IN SAN ANTONIO...

"Shhhhhhit!" Ghostface yelled as he and Jason walked back into number 1331. "We didn't find him! How did we not find him?"

Jason shrugged. _Maybe we just weren't trying hard enough...let's think about this. We went to the bad part of town-_

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah, where that Wal-Mart used to be before the gang war broke out there and that one dude dressed as a clown got shot...yeah, I remember that place. That's where we got the stuff for Thanksgiving, right?"

_Yeah, that's right! Only you really didn't get the stuff you needed for Thanksgiving, you just used your jizz instead._

"I stand by that." he insisted as they walked into their apartment. "Freddy said cream of mushroom soup, but there wasn't any left! What did you want me to do!"

_Okay, okay! This isn't the point of what I was trying to say! What I was trying to say is that we've searched the bad side of town, the good side, the sideways side and we still can't find Michael! I think that maybe he isn't as far away as we both think. _And Jason hurried over to the window and looked out. Under his mask he smiled as he turned and motioned for Ghostface to come see.

"What?" he asked as he too peered out the window, on his tip toes because he was so short. "I don't see anything."

_Look._ Jason pointed out the window the the window opposite them. They could see Michael, Juliek, and Luchesi all dancing around inside the apartment across the alley. Jason grabbed Ghostface's sleeve and hurried out the door again. _C'mon. I think that we've caught our killer._

"Yeah, okay," Ghostface said as he and Jason hurried down the stairs of the apartment complex, "that's all fine and dandy, but what about Kruger? Shouldn't we wait up for him?"

Jason gave him an odd glance. _Do you really think that it would be in Michael's best interest to have Freddy Kruger skulking around after we rescued him?_

"Good point. Let's go."

* * *

"Dude, that cat was so trippin'!"

"I know...dude..."

"Dude!"

"Dude..."

"Dude..."

Luchesi put a little tab of acid on his tongue and crushed out the joint that he had been smoking. He let out one last breath of smoke and muttered, "Dude. Totally far out!"

Juliek nodded. "Yeah, dude. And just think..."

He nodded. "Dude."

"I know dude, right?"

Luchesi chuckled. "Yeah, dude. And you were all like, 'Whoa, dude!' and I was all like, 'Dude, man!'"

They both laughed but gradually Juliek's smile faded and he asked puzzled, "What were we just talkin' about, dude?"

Luchesi frowned in thought. "I...I don't know, man."

Juliek pulled some of his dark hair behind his ear and sighed. "Yeah. Just like at the 'Stock."

"Yep," Luchesi agreed, "just like it."

There was silence for a few precious moments before a knock came at the door. Luchesi looked to the door. "Hey, Jules, would you mind?"

The other vampire got to his bare and filthy feet. "Hey, Luke, fuck you too. I always gotta answer the fuckin', motherfuckin' door. Fuck!"

"Then how about you try not complainin' as much, man? Save your breath for fighting off that Manson cat who's in the joint...he'll get out one day, I swear to God, he'll be back!" Luchesi said, his eyes glowing intensely. Juliek rolled his eyes as he stumbled over to the door.

"You trippin' on the bad shit, man. We ain't back in 'Nam or nothin', so don't start havin' flashbacks!" and he opened the door. Jason and Ghostface stood on the other side.

"Well if it ain't th-"

From behind him Luchesi let out a scream and proclaimed, "Them damned commies is after me, Jules! We gotta hide! I told you that I didn't wanna sign up for the damned war, I told you to burn your draft card, but _no! _You just had to ride your high horse all the way ta Vietnam! You happy, Jules? You happy ridin' that fuckin' high horse?" and the vampire dived behind the sofa and yelled, "I hope your happy! Them commies is gonna shoot you right off that high horse!"

Ghostface stifled a laugh. "He sure is high, isn't he?"

Juliek shook his head and let out a loud, tired sigh. He looked right into their eyes and said, "You got no idea, man. He's havin' flashbacks of 'Nam."

_You both fought in the Vietnam War?_

He nodded and presented Jason with his dog tags. "Hell yeah, brother. Don't really know how we bein' vampires from Transilvania got wrapped into it, but we did. Got drafted before we could burn our cards at the 'Stock."

Jason looked at him skeptically. _But I thought that you two were at Woodstock, so couldn't you two have just gone up to a bonfire and just-_

"Hey, man, we was trippin' on the bad acid, and Luke thought that the fire we was gonna use to burn the cards with was Satan's blood!" Juliek protested. Ghostface just shook his head.

"That makes no...oh, just forget it. Okay, back to the point. We're here because our roommate Michael seems to have gotten away and he's very dangerous. He pretty much killed an entire town once." he said. "We'd sorta like to get him back before he maims or rapes anyone, and we know that he was just over here, but-"

"You mean that crazy cat with the whole 'whoa, Grateful Dead' thing about him?" Luchesi asked, suddenly snapping out of his flashback and into the present. He wandered over to the doorway and popped another joint into his mouth.

Jason frowned. _Jeez, you sorta smoke as much as a fire, don't you?_

And just like that Luchesi had dived back behind the couch, screaming, "No, man! Satan's blood is all over me! Jules, help!"

Juliek rolled his eyes and glared at Jason and Ghostface. "Thanks a lot, man. Listen, if you're lookin' for your friend he just left."

_Where'd he go?_

He shrugged. "I dunno, man. What? Do you think I'm his keeper or somethin'?" and he slammed the door in their faces and went to tend to Luchesi and his bad acid trip flashback.

Ghostface sighed. "So I guess that means that...oh, Jesus. We have a problem."

Jason just grabbed his arm and hurried down the hall. _C'mon. We don't have time to waste. We have to find Michael before he drops dead in the street..._

Ghostface cleared his throat awkwardly and looked around. "Right...well there's something that I may have neglected to tell ya..."

Jason glared at him suspiciously. _What?_

He hesitated then, "Well I didn't really wanna mention it in front of Kruger, but as it turns out, Michael may not die after all. That was only one possible outcome of the Thorazine."

_What was the other?_

"Well he may die, but the medicine may just wear off and make him angrier than he was before. So umm...we might have a really, really big problem. I mean, if he's angrier than he ever was before then he'll just go around eating people's faces and blowing them up and-"

_So we're probably all gonna die? Is that what you're telling me, Fuckface?_

Ghostface began to nervously chew on his fingernails. He looked at his feet and mumbled, "Yes."

_Great, _Jason thought exasperatedly, _just tootie fuckin' fruity...what are we gonna do now? What are we gonna say when Kruger comes back? _

* * *

But in fact Freddy had already come in contact with Michael while wandering aimlessly down a busy San Antonio street. He had his hands deep in his pockets as he walked and his hat pulled low on his head. As he walked he whistled a little song and sang the lyrics in his head: _I can ride my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars..._

Then there came a scream and several people raced past him, all waving their arms in the air and crying out, "He's insane!"

Freddy glared at them and turned around to see what was the problem. Michael Myers stood in the middle of the street, a bloody kitchen knife in one hand and in the other an actual severed human head. Freddy frowned and mumbled to himself, "Well that's not very sanitary, is it?"

Nevertheless he slowly walked up to Michael. "Hey, Myers. Busy night, huh? It's funny, ya know; the last place that I thought to look for you was actually in San Antonio."

Michael just glared at him and raised his knife. _You fucking asshole...you just left me alone in the city to rot!_

Freddy recoiled as Michael slashed at him again and again with the bloody knife. "Whoa, take it easy, Myers! You don't know what kinda diseases might be clinging to that knife! It could have A.I.D.S or something..." and he tried to cut Michael with his claws, but Michael caught his arm and twisted it so far that an audible and sickening crack could be heard. Freddy let out a howl of pain and fell back, his broken arm pressed to him.

"OW! You bitch! You broke my arm!"

"Shit! Freddy, get away from him!"

Freddy looked over and was pleasantly surprised to see Ghostface and Jason running towards him. Jason talcked Michael while Ghostface came over to help Freddy up. "Hey, Kruger. Guess what?"

"What?" he growled, trying to ignore the horrible pain in his arm.

"I think that we found Myers."

He rolled his eyes. "Well no shitting, Sherlock."

Ghostface shrugged pleasantly. "It's elementary, Watson."

_Umm...I could use a little help here, guys! _Jason thought as he pinned Michael to the ground and struggled to keep him still.

"Oh!" Ghostface said, hurrying over to him, "Right. Sorry, Voorhees." and from out his sleeve he withdrew a clear syringe of white liquid. Freddy stumbled over to him, his arm still held against his chest.

"What's that stuff? Thorazine?"

Ghostface ignored him and jammed the needle into Michael's arm without much thought. _Ow! _Michael thought angrily, _That fucking hurt! Why don't you learn how to do stuff right, Fuckface?_

"Well why don't you learn not to be a bitch?" Ghostface questioned as he pumped the liquid into Michael's veins. Jason let Michael loose and fell to the ground himself.

Freddy glanced over at him. "Well what's your problem, Voorhees?"

Jason didn't answer; he just reached under where he was laying and extracted a large butcher knife from his back. He threw it at Freddy and closed his eyes. _Just piss off for a little while, Kruger. Why don't all of you guys just piss off?_

Groggily, Michael raised his head and thought, _I don't feel so good..._

"Congratulations, Myers. You're on the fast road to recovery thanks to a little dose of Thorazine." and he got to his feet and sighed. "Well, I guess that's that. We'd better get them outta here before the pigs show up." and he grabbed Michael's shoe and began dragging him off in the general direction of their apartment.

Freddy just stood there for a second in the middle of the street and looked around, then down at Jason. Only when the sound of sirens pierced ripped through the tranquil night air, did he finally manage to get a good one-handed grip on Jason's wrist and drag of off.

_ Well, _he thought tiredly as he dragged Jason up the stairs of Wimbleton, _it may not be a perfect life, but at least it's a life...jeez, fuck that Christmas shit. Next year I'm not celebrating it at all! It must've fucked me up in the head or somethin'._


	31. Episode 29Carrie,Carrie Not So Ordinary

Episode 29--Carrie, Carrie, Not So Ordinary

"Yeah, fuck that bitch up!"

_Yeah, throw an egg at her!_

"Shut the fuck up, Myers!" Freddy howled as he, Michael, Jason, and Ghostface chased a poor teenage girl up a flight of stairs and down a hall. She was sobbing loudly as she ran, ignoring Freddy as he flung eggs at her.

Ghostface, who was beginning to run out of breath and stagger along like a wounded buffalo, panted, "Hey, Kruger! Lay off!"

But Freddy continued his pursuit of the girl, reached into the carton of eggs he was carrying in his arms, and flung another egg at the girl. It splattered against her shoulder, sending out a shower of yolk and broken shell. She screamed and continued to run.

"Please stop!" she pleaded as a she reached her room and opened the door. Freddy caught up to her, but she slammed the door in his face.

Freddy collapsed onto the floor, howling with laughter. Michael joined him, laughing silently—YES, you can laugh silently if you're Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees—until his egg carton fell to the ground. Freddy glared at him.

"Fucking great, Myers. Now Voorhees is gonna have to clean that up and then he'll be pissy for the rest of the day."

Ghostface, who had finally managed to catch up, glared at Freddy. "You just ran a teenage girl into her room by throwing eggs at her and you're worried about _that_?"

Freddy shrugged and said calmly, "What should I care about that little bitch? How's it my fault that she's a moody, socially awkward teenager?"

Jason, who had been lumbering behind, never once breaking into more of a fast-walk, finally caught up. He glared at Freddy. _What the fuck was that about, idiot? What did Carrie ever do to you?_

Michael, who was currently stooped and trying to scrape up the bits of egg shells from the floor, thought, _Well it's just that she's such an easy target and that-_

"You know what?" Ghostface cut him off. "You guys are real assholes, you know that? I mean, Michael, you're fine as hell and all, but you just have a plain shitty personality, right Voorhees?"

Jason held up his hands and thought passively, _Hey, don't drag me into this; I've already said my piece. Now if you'll all excuse me, I have to go find something to clean up the mess that Myers made on the floor._

Freddy stifled a laugh. "Ha...he said-"

Jason shook his head as he turned to go. _Jeez, your mind is really in the gutter, isn't it? If you thought that I was referring to that kind of stuff, then maybe you have the problem. Not everything has to be a sexual joke, you know._

"Wow. Kinda touchy there, huh, Voorhees?" he asked. Jason thought nothing else as he turned and walked down the hall. Ghostface watched him go then turned back to Michael and pointed at the eggy mess on the floor.

"Bend down and clean up that mess while I watch you."

Freddy's eyes grew wide and he slowly took a few steps back. "Umm...okay then...I'm gonna leave now and-"

_NO! Don't leave me here with him! Please, have a heart, man! _Michael thought as Ghostface took a few steps nearer him, forcing his back against the wall.

Freddy took off and ran down the hall. He never looked back.

* * *

About an hour later Michael came staggering back into the room, his jumpsuit pulled down to his ankles. He slammed the door behind him and locked it. A second later insisted knocking came the door. Freddy stepped forward and made to answer it, but Michael slapped his hand away as he pulled up his jumpsuit.

Jason, who just stood there watching him with wide eyes, thought, _Hey, Michael? What the fuck happened and why are you naked?_

Michael shook his head. _I don't wanna talk about it._

Freddy rolled his eyes and opened the door. "Why, Fuckface, how did I ever guess? Maybe it's the way Myers ran in here pleading with us not to open the door, or hell, maybe it was because he was half fucking naked."

Ghostface shook his head. "I didn't do it, I swear."

Jason, who was still staring at Michael, thought, _Yeah, so he just stripped himself and raped himself?_

Ghostface chuckled. "No one ever said anything about rape, Voorhees. Perhaps our mind is a bit in the gutter this morning, huh?"

_Fuck you!_

"Correction: I _do not _want to fuck _you, _I want to fuck Mich-"

"OKAY! We get it already! You have a little crush on Michael, okay?! Why do you have to bring it up _every fucking day?!"_

He shrugged. "I got nothin' better to do."

"Then find something, because if I hear you make one more disgusting joke or comment about anything, I'm evicting you! That shit gets old!"

Ghostface gasped. "But you can't do that!"

Freddy glared at him. "I don't give a fuck! I'll kill you if I have to, just shut up and stop being gay!"

"I'M NOT GAY!"

Freddy sighed and spoke slowly, as if he thought Ghostface an idiot-which, of course, he was, but we'll just give him the benefit of the doubt—and he said, "You are the biggest queer that I've ever seen-and I live in a house with fuckin' Michael Myers, the biggest pansy of all time!"

Michael protested, _I am not a pan-_

_ Just be quiet for now, Michael, and let them work out their own problems._ Jason warned. He was quite enjoying himself as he watched Freddy and Ghostface fight. He thought, _Ghostface, do you even know what gay means?_

He nodded. "Yeah, it means happy."

Everyone groaned and walked away, even Freddy. "Wait!" Ghostface called, "Where's everyone going?"

"Away from you." Freddy said as he, Jason, and Michael all took their places on the couch.

* * *

The rest of the day passed by oddly; for once it was actually _quiet _in the apartment. It hadn't been quiet since...well, never. Now, however, everyone kept their eyes glued to the T.V. And their words-and thoughts-to themselves. Eventually something, as always, broke the serene silence. They all jumped a little and let out gasps of surprise.

Freddy looked around, seemingly dazed. "Wh...what was that?"

Michael, who had lazily been taking a nap on the floor, looked over to the apartment door. "I think that someone's at the door."

"Well whose gonna go answer it?" Ghostface inquired.

Freddy motioned to Jason. "Just let him do it. What's the worst possible thing that could be lurking on the other side of that door anyway? He can handle it." and he closed his eyes.

Jason shook his head. _There's no fucking way that I'm answering that door. _

"Why?" Freddy asked mockingly, "You're not scared, are you?"

He nodded. _Uh, yeah, I kinda am. There could be a crazed hippie vampire, Pinhead, Jaws, or worse—Barack Obama._

_ I don't see the problem with Obama. _Michael thought from his spot on the floor.

"Hey, politics, you guys!" Ghostface warned. "You're never supposed to mention politics, the environment or your general opinion when making polite conversation or writing a fanfiction."

This seemed to puzzle Michael. _What in the world is a 'fanfiction'?_

Everyone ignored him as the knocking became more insistent. Freddy sighed and got to his feet, grumbling, "I would hardly call it 'polite conversation', dip shit...oh, and don't forget about George Bush. While we're at it how about being fair and bashing him along with your precious Obama?"

Under his breath Ghostface murmured something along the lines of, "Racist."

Michael shot him a deadly look. _You just shut up. I knew that we shouldn't have started talking...it never leads to good things!_

_ Maybe we would all be able to talk and think our own thoughts if you wouldn't think such stupid stuff, _Jason thought as Freddy opened the door.

"Well maybe you should just all shut the fuck up while--oh, hey Carrie." he said to the girl sanding in the open doorway. "What's up?"

Her eyes were teary and her hair hung in stringy strands around her shoulders as she handed Freddy an empty Styrofoam carton. "Here. You dropped this while you were chasing me and throwing eggs at me."

Freddy frowned, let out a grunt, and took the empty egg carton. "Yeah, thanks." and just as he went to slam the door, Carrie stopped him.

"Umm...excuse me, sir?"

"What?"

She looked down at her shoes and asked tentatively, "I was wondering if I could...well, if I could have an apology."

They just stood there for a moment in silence before Freddy let out a laugh and began to close the door again, thinking that it must be some sort of joke. Carrie caught the door again and said insistently, "I was serious."

Freddy sighed. "Okay, kid, lemme explain a real simple concept to ya. People say that they're sorry when they actually mean it, otherwise they're just filthy, pissy liars, and then Jesus starts crying because he hates liars and then the world ends in 2012 and people wonder why. Do you know why?"

Carrie shook her head innocently. "No, sir. Why is that?"

He said patiently, "It's because the liar brought Hitler and Walt Disney back from the dead with his lies, and God got angry at him so he killed all his family and his friends and the world, all because of that one little lie where he said, 'I'm sorry'. So that's why I'm not sorry." and with that Freddy slammed the door in the girl's face and threw the egg carton in the trash.

Everyone was staring at him as he sat down. Freddy rolled his eyes and asked exasperatedly, "What now?!"

"What did you tell that chick?" Ghsotface asked.

Freddy shrugged and switched on the T.V. "I dunno. I told her why I wasn't sorry and why I wasn't gonna tell her I was."

Jason slapped his forehead. _Freddy, you idiot!_

"What?" Freddy asked, "Do you want me to lie? Lying in a sin, ya know."

Michael just shook his head. _I can't believe that you told that poor girl that...I can't believe that you convinced me to throw eggs at her...I feel kinda bad now._

"What for? The bitch had it coming to her!" Freddy protested. "And besides, you were having just as much fun as me, so don't pull that, sorry crap!"

Michael glared at him as memories of his tortured childhood came back. Oh yes, he had been ridiculed as well, and he knew just how unpleasant it could be. _Did you even have a childhood at one point, Freddy? Did you have a heart?_

Everyone was silent for a moment. _Wow, _Jason thought, totally shocked by this reply, _that's kinda poetic, Michael._

He shrugged and began to pick his fingernails. _What can I say? I guess that I'm just one of those deep souls..._

"Yeah," Freddy chortled, "if by deep you mean shallow, then hell yeah."

Michael gave him an odd look and shook his head. _No, I meant that deep as in how it means in relation to it self's word, not shallow. That would mean that I was saying an antoy-nym, when it should actually be a smae-onym._

Ghostface sighed and lowered his head. "Do you even listen to yourself when you think? And don't you mean synonym and antonym?"

Michael looked at Ghostface like _he _was the idiot. _Of course I do, that's why everything I say makes sense, because I think it out so good. You, on the other hand, are sounding like an idiot with all your synonyms and antonyms._

_ Oh my God, I didn't think that it was actually possible, but we've found someone dumber than __Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson. _Jason thought. Michael still seemed puzzled.

_I don't see what the problem is with either of them._

Freddy sighed. "You've _got _to be kidding...God,_ please _be kidding..."

_What? _He asked, _I don't!_

Freddy got to his feet, went into the kitchen, and dug out a can of Chicken of the Sea tuna fish. He threw it at Michael and asked, "Is that chicken or is it fish?"

Michael scratched his head in a puzzled sort of way. _Well it does say chicken, but..._

"Oh my God!" Ghostface cried as he held his head in his hands. "I'm in love with a fucking idiot!"

"See? Told you! G-A-Y...raging homosexuality!" Freddy teased. Ghostface glared at him.

"Shut up and let Michael have his smart moment." then he said to Michael, "Go ahead and tell us what it is."

Michael paused, looked the can up and down, and finally thought, _Skittles._

Jason starred at him oddly and took the can from him. _How do you figure that?_

_ Because, _Michael said as he pointed to the label, _the tuna and chickens are obviously trying to trick you into thinking that it's really something else when it's really Skittles. Duh. Taste the rainbow!_

Freddy collapsed onto the ground laughing, gasping, "T-That doesn't even make sense!"

Michael nodded. _Yes it does._

"No it doesn't!"

_Yes it does, and I can prove it!_

Freddy glared at him. "Fine, Einstein. Prove it."

Michael shrugged. _Okay, I'll-_

Suddenly there came a ringing from Ghostface's phone. He got it out. "I gotta take this." and he flipped open his phone. "Yeah, hello? What about that speedboat that was supposed to come from Mexico? No, idiot, the one with the gummi bears." nervously he glanced over at Freddy, Jason, and Michael and whispered, "Of course I'm talking about the one with the marijuana, Pablo! Damn, how stoned are you right now? Really? _That _stoned? I've told you before how important this is...if we get caught it'll violate my parole...yeah, I—oh shit. I've got another call. Hold on."

_Uh...Ghostface? What's--_

"Mind your own business!" he snapped as he pressed a button on his phone. "Hello, who is it and what do you want? Make it quick. Carrie? Carrie White? Yeah, of course I know...yeah, I'm really sorry about that, he's kinda a dick like that, but--"

At the mention of Carrie's name, Freddy lunged forward, snatched the cell phone out of Ghostface's hand, and yelled into it, "Carrie? Is that you?!"

A tentative voice said, "Y-Yeah. You don't have to yell, mister Kruger. I can hear you just fine, and I'm sorry, but I was just calling to--"

"I swear to God, Carrie, if you ever call my apartment again to waste my time, I'll fuckin' skin you alive! Get it?!"

A pause then, "Yes, Freddy, but I just--"

Freddy slammed the phone shut and threw it back to Ghostface. "There, and make sure that if you're doing some illegal trade with some Mexicans to keep it on the down low. I heard somewhere that the government is tapping our phone conversations."

Ghostface gasped. "The Man is hacking into my phone calls?"

Michael: _That's what they've been saying._

Ghostface got up. "I gotta make a few calls."

* * *

Later that night everyone was rather tired and bored. Freddy sighed. "I'm fucking boooooooored."

_Then how about you try shutting up so some of us could sleep?_

"How about you try acting not gay for once, Voorhees?"

Michael sighed and rose to his feet. As he walked towards the bathroom Ghostace called to him, "Where ya going?"

_Take a shower._

"Oh. Have fun."

_Yeah._

"Cool."

_Totally._

"Bitchin'."

_Yeah. Groovy._

"Aweso--"

"Myers, just go take your fucking shower, you prick!" Freddy blurted. Michael slumped away, looking sullen. Once he was gone Jason sighed tiredly, turned to face the wall, and closed his eyes. Just as he was beginning to fall into a slumber, Freddy exclaimed, "Holy fuck balls, I have an idea!"

"Did it hurt?"

"Go to hell, Fuckface, but before you do give me your phone."

Jason sighed. _What are you planning, Kruger?_

Freddy shrugged and said almost innocently, "Nothin.'"

Ghostface shook his head. "No, you're planning something. You're _always _planning some--"

Michael burst from the bathroom, his frame soaking wet and a towel wrapped around his waist. Everyone covered their eyes. "Ow, Myers! What the hell?! This is the second fuckin' time that we've almost seen you naked!"

_Where the fuck is my shampoo?_

Jason's eyes grew wide. _What?_

_ My shampoo. Someone took it and I want it back._

"Oh my fuckin' God, you stupid, prissy little pansy!" Freddy exclaimed. "You're pissed because someone took your shampoo?"

Michael's eyes were teary as he nodded. _Y-Yeah. It was MY shampoo. MINE._

Everyone was silent for a moment before turning to Ghostface. He sighed, dug in the sleeve of his shirt, and threw a green shampoo bottle at Michael. "Sorry, Mike. I sorta have always wondered what made you smell so...flowery, and now I know." he squinted at the bottle in Michael's hand and read, "Herbal Essence Head and Shoulders...berry tea and orange flower."

Freddy's eyes shined with amusement as he ran up to Michael and seized the shampoo bottle. _Hey! Give that back! I need it to make my hair conditionerized and--_

Freddy doubled over in laughter and threw the bottle across the room. Michael ran off to get it. "Oh my fucking God, Myers is a chick! I swear to God!"

Michael glared at him. _Am not! I just like to smell refreshing and have my hair feel soft._

Ghostface nodded. "It _does _feel soft, trust me."

Jason's eyes got wide. _How the hell do you know this?! What the hell is going on in this __apartment and how is it that you somehow manage to keep a fucking shampoo bottle in the sleeve of your shirt along with, like, 300 other knives?!_

"Why don't you just mind your own business, Voorhees?"

_Well why don't you--_

"Phone again!" Ghostface chimed. He hurried out the balcony just as the ring tone sounded out through the apartment. Freddy just glared at Michael.

"Just to take your fucking shower, girly boy."

Michael once again sulked back into the bathroom. Once he was gone Freddy sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really--"

_Really? _Jason guessed. Freddy ignored him.

"Really bored." then he paused and frowned. "I wonder if Fuckface will let me steal his phone again..."

_It's worth a try._

He nodded, carefully slunk over to the glass doors of the balcony, and slid them open. The night air was chilly, but he ignored it, went up to Ghostface, and snatched the phone. Hastily he began to punch in numbers with a wide grin pasted on his burnt face. Ghostface glared at him. "Just what the fuck are you doing, you jack ass?"

"I'm becoming un-bored." he said before speaking into the phone. "Yeah, Carrie? Yeah, it's Freddy. Listen, I was just calling to say that I'm sorry that you have to be such a stupid bitch and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." next to him Ghostface watched with wide eyes.

"Kruger, what the hell has gotten into you?"

"Shut up!" he hissed before he turned his attention back to the phone. "Oh, yeah, _real _sorry...what? Of course I'm not sorry, you dumb bitch! I hope you set yourself on fire and die!" and he slammed the phone shut and began to laugh hysterically. Ghostface glared at him.

"You are the biggest dick on the face of the earth right now, do you know that?"

Freddy just laughed. "Oh c'mon! Fuck her if she can't take a joke!"

Ghostface shook his head and slapped him in the back of the head. "Ow!" Freddy cried, "What was that for?"

Jason slid open the balcony doors and narrowed his eyes at the two of them. _What's going on out here? Why did you just hit Kruger?_

"Because he fucking prank called Carrie White!"

Jason shook his head disbelievingly. _No, please tell me that he didn't!_

He nodded. "Yeah, and he was all like, 'Fuck you, bitch! I hope you die', and I was all like, you idiot, haven't you ever seen the movie _Carrie?"_

Freddy scoffed. "What the fuck does that suck-ass movie have to do with this?"

Jason and Ghostface glanced at each other then back at Freddy. _Please tell me that you're kidding, please just tell me that this is all some sort of joke..._

"What?" he asked obliviously, "What am I kidding about?"

Ghostface groaned. "You've never seen the movie _Carrie?"_

Freddy took a second to think then shook his head. "Nu-uh, never heard of it. Why? Is it good?"

_Oh my fucking God. I think that he's stupider than Michael..._

Ghostface shook his head. "Nah, I don't think that that's possible." then he said to Freddy, "Just get in the apartment. We'll be lucky if we all wake up alive tomorr--"

From inside the apartment there came a loud scream as the lights flickered off. _SHIT! WHO THE FUCK TURNED OFF THE POWER?!_

Jason thought darkly, _It's begun._

"I'll get some towels so that Michael can dry off and some candles." Ghostface said as he hurried inside. Freddy just stood there looking clueless.

"What's begun? What the fuck is goin' on around here?!"

Jason ignored him and thought, _We have candles in the apartment?_

He nodded and before he slid open the balcony doors he said, "Yeah, Michael has some. I think that I saw him in his bag."

Freddy growled and yelled at Jason, "What the fuck is he talking about? Why did the power to out and—what the fuck was that?" the whole apartment had begun to quake and tremble, sending showers of dust, gravel, and old roofing material down on them. Jason jumped back and pulled Freddy inside of the house.

_It's Carrie. She's pissed._

* * *

_This blows._

"Shut up, Myers. This is all your fault anyway." Freddy mumbled as they sat huddled together in a circle around a single burning candle.

Michael glared at him. _My fault?! How is this my fault?_

"Well maybe if you were smart enough to know what Chicken of the Sea tuna fish was, then maybe you could think of a way to stop this."

"That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever." Ghostface said.

Freddy hissed, "Shut the hell up, Fuckface. This is your fault too."

Jason: _How is this his fault? How is this anyone's fault besides your own?_

"This is everyone's fault but mine!" Freddy moaned as he hugged his knees and glared down at the flickering candle light. "I never get the credit that I deserve."

_Credit? _Michael thought, _what credit, Kruger? Credit for pissing off a teenage girl so bad that she is trying to fucking find you and set you on fire with her mind? Huh?_

"I didn't know!"

"Well now you do!" Ghostface paused and added in a quiet voice, "Do you have any clue what happened the last time that Carrie White was this pissed off?"

Freddy shook his head. "No, but I'm sure that you're gonna tell me anyway."

"She nearly destroyed a whole town just with her mind!"

He frowned. "Well that's not good."

"No! It's not!"

Jason sighed. _We're all dead inside anyway._

_ Wow. Let's not try being positive or anything, right Voorhees?_

_ Shut up, Myers._

_ I can't; I'm not talking._

Jason rolled his eyes. _Oh my fucking God, you are the biggest idiot on the face of the--_

Suddenly there came a loud banging on the door. Freddy gasped and crawled into a corner. "Somebody do something! That bitch is going to kill me!"

Ghostface quickly got his feet and hurried bathroom door. "That's your problem." then he said to Michael and Jason, "C'mon, we're hiding in the bathroom!" and just as he turned the knob to open the door, reddish, thick liquid rushed out from the bathroom, staining the whole floor a grotesque red.

Michael's eyes got wide. _It's blood! It's fucking blood! It's--_

The door flew open and Carrie stepped in, her eyes wide and bulging, her hair stringy and hanging in her face. Her arms were held stiffly at her sides as she took two slow, steady steps into the apartment. Freddy gasped and flew out of his corner. He hurried over to the bathroom, pushed Ghostface, Michael, and Jason out of his way and locked the door. "I don't wanna fuckin' die..."

"Freddy! Come out before I make you!" Carrie howled.

He shook his head although he knew that she couldn't see him. "No!"

"Freddy..."

"Make me!"

Three, four seconds passed then Freddy felt the door shift then completely give way from behind him. He fell onto his butt and looked up. Carrie was glaring down at him, her face severe and her eyes deadly. "You..."

He looked to Ghostface, Michael, and Jason, who sat a ways away. None of them offered him a way out. Freddy just swallowed. Then he remembered the incident with the Grudge...what had Ghostface done to make those ghosts go away? "I...I'm so...sorr-so--"

"What?!"

Freddy opened his mouth, tried to force the wretched word from his lips, but found that he could not. _Shit...how do I get outta this? How do I..._without much more thought, he lunged at Carrie. She screamed, surprised at his sudden movement, and slipped in the blood that now coated the floor.

Ghostface gasped. "Kruger, what're you--"

"Leave it to me!" he retorted as he tried to slash at Carrie with his razored hand. "I'm handling it!"

Carrie dodged his slash quite easily, raised her hand, and in an instant the unhinged bathroom door had pinned Freddy to the ground. Carrie let out a satisfied little sigh, got to her feet, and went over to him. "You cheated."

He shrugged. "I couldn't bring my self to say that I was so...sorr—well, ya know, so I just figured that I'd straight up try and kill you, just like I do to everyone else."

"Well I'm not like everyone else, I'm different, and I don't want you to ever treat anyone like you did me." Carrie said as she turned around. Oddly enough she was wearing a dress, and though it was covered in blood now, it still possessed much of its former beauty. Her face, bare arms, and hair were now sticky with blood, and as she walked her high healed shoes made stains on the floor.

Ghostface, Michael, and Jason all watched with wide eyes as Freddy slowly got to his feet and silently walked up behind Carrie as she spoke. "I just really don't understand why you have to be so mean all the time. I mean, it's not like I'm an alien or anything, so why can't I be treated like everyone else? Why cant I be--" she was cut short as Freddy thrust his claws through her abdomen.

Carrie's eyes grew wide and she made a sick gurgling noise right before she dropped to the ground, back into the pool of blood. Freddy let out a victorious laugh then he said to Jason, "Take her out and dump her in a trash can or something. If we leave her in here too long she'll start to stink the place up. Michael and Fuckface, you can help me clean up this blood."

When no one made a move to do anything Freddy howled, "Now!" and they all sighed and got to work.

* * *

Jason sighed as he shifted Carrie's weight from one arm to the other. As he made his way down the dark, damp alley to the dumpster he couldn't help but think, _It's a shame really. I kinda felt bad for her..._

As he neared the dumpster he cast one final look down at the girl. Her eyes were closed now, but her whole body was covered in the blood. Under his mask Jason frowned as he gently laid the corpse into the dumpster and made to back away.

Just as he took his hand away something grabbed him. _What the--_

Carrie's eyes had shot wide open, her pupils now dilated. Her grip on Jason's arm didn't lessen as he tried to pull away. _Oh fuck it. _He thought as he ripped his arm from her grasp and took off down the alley. _We'll save it for another day._

* * *

Do I love Carrie White? Yes.

Why does Michael Myers use Herbal Essence Head and Shoulders Berry Tea and Orange Flower? Why the hell not? I know for a fact that it smells like a dream.

Do I plan to use more female slashers in the future? Absolutely.

Why was Freddy, Michael, and Ghostface's bathroom filled with blood? Just to sort of give a reference back to the movie where she got pig's blood spilled on her at prom...speaking of prom, maybe Carrie will return to seek revenge...maybe? No? Whatever, just an afterthought...

What will the next episode have in store? I'll give you one clue—Pennywise the Dancing Clown/IT. Something mind blowing will happen, and I swear that it won't be involve any more hippie vampires or whatever. Who knows, we might even lose one of our favorite slashers...

{hint, hint!}

And, my beloved brothers and sisters,

PEACE,

LOVE,

& HIPPIENESS

till next time.


	32. Episode 30The Demise Of Pennywise

Episode 30—The Final Demise Of Our Friend Pennywise

YES, BIG 30!!!

Warning: This version of Stephen King's _IT _is focused more on the book than the movie, meaning simply that there may be references of which you do not understand unless you have read the book; still, if you haven't read it—which I don't _expect _of you—you will still be able to keep up, it's just that I've already dedicated an episode to the _movie _version of _IT, _and not the book.

* * *

"I still don't understand why we're doing this..."

"Shut up and stop complaining, Fuckface. We're doing it because it's gonna be a fun."

Ghostface crossed his arms and mumbled, "I never pictured taking a vacation to Derry, Maine, as much fun."

Jason rolled his eyes as he strummed his fingers against the steering wheel. As the old Winnebago lurched along the nearly abandoned stretch of Maine highway, a sign passed by: _Welcome To Derry, Maine, Where Psychopathic Sewer-Clowns Absolutely, Totally, And Definitely Do Not Kill And Eat The Children. DERRY—THE HAPPIEST TOWN ON EARTH!_

Freddy frowned as they passed the sign and reached forward in his seat to tap Jason's shoulder. "Uh...Jason?"

_What?_

"Didn't you notice anything, oh, I dunno, _odd _about that sign we just passed?"

He shrugged. _Not really. They have one just like it at Camp Crystal Lake._

He chuckled nervously, "Great."

Michael unbuckled his seatbelt, jumped out of his seat, and pushed Freddy out of his own seat. "Ow! What the fuck are you doing, Myers?!"

_I wanna see the sign!_

With a grunt of effort Freddy pushed Michael away from him. "Get your own seat!"

_But I wanna read the sign too! Welcome To Derry, Maine, Where Psychopathic Sewer-Clowns Abso--_

"Go sit in your seat in the front where you belong!" Ghostface yelled as he pushed Michael away from him. Michael stumbled back and fell back into his proper seat.

He glared at them both and thought indignantly, _Fine, I didn't never like any of you noways.  
_

Jason groaned and slapped his forehead in frustration. _Oh my God, please tell me that he didn't __say that!_

Ghostface nodded. "He just said that."

_That's what I was afraid of. _Jason thought as he tried to ignore the pounding in his ears, a sure sign that a headache was beginning to form.

Michael seemed puzzled. _What did I not say?_

_ Michael, just shush and try not to think so much, okay? I'm beginning to think that it's not good for your health._

He shrugged. _I do try not to think, but sometimes I can't help it._

In the backseat Freddy sighed and mumbled, "_This _is a vacation? _This?! _What kind of suck-ass vacation is this?!"

"It's a non-talking kind of one, so shut up!" Ghostface snapped before turning his attention to Jason. "Hey, could you maybe turn on the radio or something? I'm bored to death back here!"

Jason switched on the radio and an odd song filled the van:

_What can I say, man, I hit him with a brick_

_ Killed the little prick, him and his chick_

_ Tried to be slick, but you ain't slinky_

_ You're brinky, you're dinky, you suck my Twinkie_

_ I don't give a fuck if you call me a clown_

_ Break it down, it's a murder go round..._

Freddy's eyes grew wide. Everyone was silent before he asked, "So...that doesn't seem suspicious or slightly ironic to any of you guys?"

They all shook their heads and answered—or thought—at once, _"Nah, not really."_

Now he just began to get frustrated. "Well whose the song even by?"

"I.C.P." Ghostface answered. When Freddy looked at him oddly, he said, "You know, the Insane Clown Posse, don't you?"

"Oh yeah, that's not an obvious clue at all." was all that Freddy said before he glared out the window. Jason stared at him through the rear view mirror.

_What's not obvious? I don't get it._

"We're gonna die." was all that he said as the van kept lurching and driving along. _Yep, _Freddy thought, _we're gonna die._

* * *

The Winnebago came to a screeching stop outside of a dinky little hotel in the heart of Derry. Freddy wrinkled his nose and got out. "It smells like fucking shit over here."

Jason narrowed his eyes as he got out and retrieved the bags from out of the back of the van. _That's the smell of fresh air, idiot._

"Aw, stick a fucking pipe up your ass and fuck yourself with it." he mumbled moodily as he walked past them all and into the lobby of the hotel, his arms hanging at his sides.

Ghostface sighed in frustration as he hauled Freddy's bags plus his own inside. "Isn't anyone gonna tell him _anything?_"

_Yeah, how about you shut up? _Jason questioned as he met Freddy at the end of the hall. _Did you check in?_

"Check in? Was that some sort of requirement?" he asked, completely clueless.

Ghostface rolled his eyes. "Well, uh, yeah. Sorta. We kinda have to be checked in before we can get a room."

_Does it really matter? _Michael thought as he pushed past Ghostface and Jason and kicked in a door to a room. Everyone's eyes grew wide.

_Why the hell did you just break down that door, idiot?! _Jason asked.

Michael shrugged as he dumped his armload of luggage onto the floor. _Well my arms were too full to open it by hand, so I just did the next best thing._

"No, you pansy-lovin'...tell me, Myers, has it ever crossed your mind to think like a _normal _person and put the bags down _then _open the door?" Freddy asked. Michael just stood there for a second, his eyes blank, then shrugged.

_I dunno._

Jason, who had grown tired of Michael's stupidity around the third episode, had gone into the room himself. In a second his dismal thought carried out of the room and into the hall; _Aw, shit! There's only one room with two beds each in it!_

Freddy's eyes grew wide as he pushed past Michael and Ghostface so that he could get into the room. His eyes darted around the room desperately, and upon only seeing two double beds he jumped onto the one nearest him. He landed with all limbs sprawled on one bed, his eyes victorious. "I get dibs on this one!"

"But what about me?" Ghostface asked as he and Michael entered the room. "I'm _not _sleeping on the freakin' floor!"

"Unless you're sleeping with whoever is in that one--" Freddy pointed to the bed that Jason was standing next to, "--then hell yeah you are. I ain't sleeping in the same bed with any fucking pansy."

"Then what are you gonna do? Make me sleep outside?"

Michael looked from Freddy to Jason. _What about me? Where do I sleep?_

Jason and Freddy glanced at each other, as if deciding the worse of two evils; Ghostface or Myers?

_Well I think that--_

"Fuck Voorhees, you're sleeping with me." Freddy declared as he scooted over to one side of the bed. Everyone stared at him with wide eyes until he sighed and said irritably, "I mean in the same bed as me, not _with _me. Jeez, you guys are some kind of perverted, huh?"

"You were the one who said it." Ghostface said as he went over to Jason. "Well," he said cheerily, "I guess we're stuck together, huh?"

Jason's eyes grew wider and he shook his head. He remembered all to clearly all the horrible rape incidents that Michael and Ghostface had shared. _No way! I'm not even sleeping in the same room with you! I was gonna choose Michael! _And he turned to Freddy and thought with pleading eyes, _Please don't make me share a bed with him! Please, anyone but him! Please!_

_ Well I'm not sharing a bed with him for obvious reasons, and Kruger hates you so he won't share with you. Sorry, Voorhees._

_ Oh, c'mon, Michael!_

Michael glanced at Ghostface and shook his head firmly. _Nu-uh. No fucking way in hell._

Freddy clapped his hands together and let out a joyous cry of, "Bitchin'! Let the vacation begin!"

Everyone grumbled their displeasure and immediately dropped onto the beds and had a nice, long, four hour nap. Why? Because when you spend your days and most of your nights killing people, you have a tendency to become exhausted.

* * *

That night Ghostface awoke to find that he had a need for 'weed' so to speak—Yes, please try and contain your laughter, because I know just how hilariousthat play on words was XP—and so he grabbed one of his bags and hurried into the bathroom.

"Gotta get high, gotta get high, gotta get high..." he mumbled frantically as he ripped open the bag and rummaged threw it. He threw out shirts, pants, and even an extra pair of shoes until he got to the little plastic baggie full of weed. Ghostface smiled as he rolled himself a joint and lit up.

"Aww..." he sighed as he took a nice, long drag, "...that's the _shit son!"_

Then, out of seemingly nowhere, a giggling, girlish voice repeated, "Hee, hee..._shit..."_

Ghostface jumped a little and looked around. "H...Hello? Is anyone in here?"

The voice came again this time, and it sounded clearer yet it still echoed throughout the tiny hotel bathroom. "_Come down here with us, Ghostfaccccccee...Ghostface...Ghostface..."_

"But I can't; that would violate my parole." he said as he slowly rose to his feet and reached for the doorknob. _Iv'e gotta tell Freddy that there are talking rats in the bathroom...I gotta..._

_ "We're not talking rats, Ghostface. We're all the dead kids."_

Ghostface looked around the bathroom wildly and allowed the joint to drop from his fingers. "Where _are _you?!"

An indistinct voice answered, _"In the sink...in the sink..."_

"In the where?"

"_The sink...the si--"_

"I don't know where you are!" he cried idiotically.

The voice said more irritably, _"Just come over and look in the fucking sink!"_

"Oh," Ghostface mumbled as he crossed over to the sink, "right. I knew that." and he peered down.

"What the..." his voice trailed off as he watched, gape-mouthed, as a perfectly red, perfectly shining balloon come out of the drain of the sink. Ghostface didn't back away as a smarter person in his situation might; he just stood there petrified, watching the ever inflating balloon as it rose from the drain.

Then the voice spoke again, this time in not a girlish voice, but in more of a comical one. One that belonged to a man. _"C'mon, Ghostie, come on and flooooooat. Everything floooooooats down here..."_

"No," Ghostface said, shaking his head. "I don't want to float, just to get high! Wait..." his brain began working now, and, against all odds, he managed to produce one halfway coherent thought: "If I come with you and 'float', does that mean that we're gonna get high, or what?

The voice sighed. _"You know what? Screw you, Fuckface...I knew that I should've saved this for one of the smarter ones like Kruger or Voorhees...you know what? Just forget it, but remember this...everything floats down here, and when you're down here with us, YOU'LL FLOAT TOO!_

"But I--" before he could finish his sentence, the balloon burst, sending a crimson shower of blood all over the bathroom and Ghostface. He gasped and looked down at his now blood-covered hands. "Wh...wh...oh my fucking God! I knew that we should've just vacationed in New Orleans!" and he hurried out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

"I don't see anything."

"But something was _there!"_

"Maybe in your fucked up little mind, but nothing's there now." Freddy said as he backed away from the sink and glared at Ghostface. "What did you say that you saw again? A blood-filled balloon in the sink?"

_And didn't you mention that you heard voices? _Jason asked.

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah, and can't you see it? The blood's still there!" he pointed to the sink. Of course no one had cleaned the blood off of the white porcelain of the sink, so it still shimmered like liquefied rubies in contrast to the blinding whiteness of the rest of the bathroom. _How can they just not see it? _He wondered to himself.

Michael stared at him skeptically. _They can't see it because there's nothing to see. _

Ghostface's head snapped in his direction, surprised at this response to his thoughts. "Huh?" he asked as if startled from some dream.

"Did you forget that we can hear each other's thoughts?" Freddy asked. Ghostface shrugged.

"I dunno, that's not the point! The point is that there is something here in Derry that is bad and I don't like it! Can we please just go home?"

Jason frowned under his hockey mask. _We payed good money to fly from Texas to Maine and you want to leave? What has gotten into you?_

"There was something in that sink!" Ghostface cried as he reached into a little bit of the blood that coated the sink. "Can't you _see _it?!" he stuck his hand in Freddy's face. He just swatted it away and looked into the sink himself.

"I don't see anything, Fuckface." and he reached into the sink as well as if trying to fell the blood for himself. Still he saw nothing.

Michael crossed over and peered into the sink himself then to Ghostface. He thought sympathetically, _I know how it is and I'm sorry._

"Know how what is?" he asked. Michael reached over and gave him a supportive pat on the shoulder. For a precious glimmer of a second Ghostface actually thought that Michael believed him, that he too could see the blood, but this hope was soon driven from his head.

_Having no one believe you about the voices. It sucks, I know. I've heard them too; the night that I killed my sister, every time that I have to take that fucking Thorazine—that I have to take thanks to you—and every time I look at Kruger's hideous, burnt face..._

"Wow, don't be, gee, I dunno, a nice guy or anything, Myers." Freddy said as he stomped out of the bathroom.

Jason followed, but before he left he turned to them both and thought, _Maybe you guys need some more sleep. We're all tired; maybe it's just the tiredness getting to us. _And he too left. Michael just stood there for a moment the looked back at the sink, a thoughtful look in his eyes.

_Oh well. As long as the voices have stopped then it's okay. Trust me. _And he left.

Ghostface sighed. "Why is it that this _always _happens and no one does _anything _about it until it's almost too late and we're an inch away from death?!"

And as he turned to walk out of the bathroom, a chuckling voice answered him, still echoing from the drain, _"Because you're a fucking girly boy!" _and just as he quietly closed the door, Ghostface heard the voice fade as it seeped back down the drain from the place of its origins; it was laughing madly.

* * *

The next morning everyone seemed to be back to normal, except for the fact that every time Freddy walked past Ghostface he would lean down and whisper in his ear, "Voices, voices, voices, I am the voices in the sink!" and walk off, laughing idiotically.

Eventually, though, everyone grew tired of one another's antics and all went their separate ways, as serial killers so often do; Michael decided that since he was practically illiterate, he'd seize the rare opportunity to perhaps teach himself how to read at the Derry Public Library—they didn't own any books at their home. Jason went along with him by orders of Freddy, to make sure that Michael 'stayed out of trouble and took his medicine.'

Freddy wanted to go walk explore the place in Derry called the Barrens, which was just a vast expanse of tree-laden and hilly nothingness. Ghostface, reluctant to follow Freddy and suffer more of his jokes, just said that he'd walk around town and try to find something to do on his own, and, with that, the whole group broke apart, agreeing to meet back at the hotel by at least seven o'clock.

And since we have already heard quite enough from Michael Myers and Ghostface for the time being, I shall now choose to share with you Freddy Kruger's misadventures in the Barrens...

_The southwest :side of Derry: was where the land fell away steeply to the area that was known in Derry as the Barrens. The Barrens—which were anything _but _barren—were a messy tract of land about a mile and a half wide by three miles long. It was bounded by upper Kansas Street on one side and by Old Cape on the other...Seen from the air the Barrens looked like a big green dagger pointing at downtown._

And that is the best way that I can find to describe it—courtesy of Stephen King, of course—and there you have it. In short, the Barrens was really just a large expanse of tree-laden, untamed, hilly lands that Derry had pretty much neglected, only Freddy hadn't quite figured this out yet.

As he stepped off to the side of Kansas Street and peered down the elevated platform of land that he was standing on, he could quite clearly see a good portion of the Barrens. "_Fuck_" he cursed. "It's just a shitty forest? What a rip!" and just as he turned to go he heard the sound of boys laughing and whispering.

"Hey, keep quiet, Tits. If we get caught I swear to God..."

Freddy frowned and peered back over the edge of Kansas Street. It was only now that he realized that, hiding in the foliage and trees below him, there were the forms of four boys. "What the..."

he whispered as he leaned a little closer. He didn't notice that the ground beneath his feet was quickly crumbling, sending out a fine shower of loose dirt and rocks on the boys hiding below him. In an instant the ground had crumbled completely from under Freddy, and he was sent rolling down the hills that were the Barrens.

He landed on something hard and unforgiving, something that let out a loud, "_OOF!" _and tried to push him off.

Freddy looked around and was surprised to see a boy probably no older than twelve or thirteen glaring down at him. His hair was combed back in a sort of Elvis pompadour. Behind him there stood another young kid holding a still even smaller kid with his arms behind his back. Well, the kid being held wasn't literally smaller, in fact he was quite fat, though he appeared to be younger than the other two boys. From under Freddy there came a loud, furious grumbling.

"Get...off...of..._me!"_

"Well you don't have to shout." Freddy mumbled as he got to his feet and dusted off his Christmas sweater. It was only now that Freddy truly understood what he had landed on that was so hostile; it was another twelve-year-old boy!

This one seemed much angrier than any of his friends, and as soon as he had gotten to his feet, he glared at Freddy. The kid wore a pink motorcycle jacket, and his hair was cut so short that the white of his scalp could be seen. He glared at Freddy with the black, rage-filled eyes that could only be compared to those of Michael Myers; Freddy didn't hesitate to glare right back.

"It was an accident, okay? Please excuse me if--"

He was interrupted as the kid holding the chubby boy hostage opened his mouth and produced a loud, disgusting burp that echoed throughout the Barrens. Freddy wrinkled his nose in disgust. "What the hell is _he _supposed to be?"

As if to answer his question, the kid with the pompadour reached over and gave the burping boy a high-five. "Nice one, Belch."

Freddy just stood there looking much the same way Ghostface had when he discovered the blood-balloon in the sink; confused, angry, and slightly sick. "What the hell is going on here?!"

Belch turned to the boy that was glaring at Freddy and asked stupidly, "Hey, Henry? When we gonna kill Tits?" he jerked his head down at the boy that he held hostage.

Tears were now rolling down the boy's plump cheeks as he struggled to get away. He turned his attention to Freddy. "P-Please don't let them--"

Freddy held up his hands, signifying that he had washed his hands of the situation. "Hey, kid, I only came down here for a walk, not a fuckin' KKK meeting or nothin'..." then he turned back to the boy named Henry, who was obviously the leader of the group of boys, and said, "...pretend like I didn't even show up." and he proceeded to walk away.

Just before the boy's voices faded out of audibility completely, Freddy heard Henry instruct, "Hey, Vic, would you mind helpin' Belch hold him? Would you mind it if you had to stop being lazy for once in your stupid life?"

And the pompadour kid saying moodily, "Screw you, Henry."

The frightened sounds of the fat boy screaming echoed throughout the Barrens as Freddy continued down along the path that he had chosen, but he somehow ignored them. He walked for about twenty minutes before the breeze began to gust throughout the Barrens, stirring trees and clouding up some loose dirt, and the voice began to whisper to him.

_We all float..._

Freddy looked up at the blue sky, a questioning look on his burnt face. "Huh?"

_Come down here with us, Freddie, and we'll all floooooooooat..._

Normally Freddy would have found sit odd that a voice that had no visible master was speaking to him, but now he just frowned. "Don't you mean Freddy?"

It took a second for the voice to repeat, _Freddie...?_

He didn't stop walking as he lowered his head and said, "No, _Freddy._"

_So...Freddie, right?_

"No, FREDDY!"

Another pause then, _So, like, FREDDIE like the kid in Scooby-Doo, right?_

He didn't notice it, but the farther into the Barrens Freddy walked, the closer he was gravitating to the entrance into the Derry sewers... "No, not like that, like--"

The comical voice now had a slight bit of edge to it as it insisted, _I know, I know, like the blond-haired kid who was hitting Daphne in Scooby-Doo!_

"This isn't the fucking 20s anymore!" Freddy yelled angrily at the voice in the wind, "It's fucking America and we've got talent!"

_What the hell is wrong with you?_

He shrugged. "I dunno, but I bet you haven't ever talked to a normal person if you keep making people speak to the wind and there's nothing there..."

_Why don't you just shut up Freddie?_

"You're doing it wrong!" Freddy howled.

_Am not._

"Are too!"

_Not!_

"F-R-E-D-D-Y!!!"

_F-R-E-D-D-I-E!!!_

"That way just makes it look gay!"

_Maybe you are gay!_

"Shut up!"

_Whatever Freddie. _And the wind ceased for a second and the voice disappeared with it. Freddy smiled triumphantly and continued to walk in silence...until the wind began to blow again and the voice returned, more insistent than ever. _F-R-E-D-D-I-E._

"Why can you not leave me alone?!"

_I won't, not until you admit that I'm write and you're wrong!_

"I think that I would know how to spell my own name, dip shit. I mean, seriously, why would I follow you or listen to anything that you say if you can't even pronounce my name right?"

The voice sounded indifferent. _Whatever. I really don't care what you do, because the way that you spell it has no effect on how it sounds._

Freddy had never thought of this until now. He kept walking, though, not bothering to even look up as he walked. "Well it still pisses me off how you spell it."

_What are you talking about, anyway? I'm SPEAKING, not spelling...you can't SEE speech, so how do you know that I'm spelling it wrong?_

"It's complicated. It's sorta like—SHIT!" Freddy exclaimed as he walked straight into a mucky patch of mud. He looked up. The whole Barrens from this point onto a little further was the mud, but it all stopped and gave way to the lush vegetation that characterized the Barrens right before the entrance to the sewers.

The voice began speaking now, this time louder than ever, despite the fact that the wind had died down. _Ha! You fell in the mud! Ha, what a loser!_

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! I swear to God that I'll..."

_What, Freddie? Huh? Kill me? Well guess what, buddie, you can't kill what isn't alive..._

"Man, piss on your grave! I'm so over this shit!" and with those words, he turned and began to clumsily make his way back over to solid ground. Just as he brought his leg up to take his first step, and audible _POP! _Could be heard. Freddy sighed and looked to see his socked foot, completely devoid of a shoe.

_ Man, _he thought as he plunged his arm into the mud and began to feel for the shoe that he had just lost, _this place blows. Fuckface was right, next time we're going to New Orleans or Haiti or something..._

* * *

_I'm bored. _Michael thought for what would have had to have been the hundredth time that day as he and Jason investigated yet another isle of bookcases.

Jason glared at him as he reached for a particular book. _Hey, I have an idea; how about you just stop thinking?_

_ But I can't._

_ I bet that you could if you really, really wanted to._

_ But I don't want too._

Jason sighed in frustration. _Yeah, well I do want you to shut up, okay? How about you just go, I dunno, wait outside or something?_

_ But I--_

_ Please?_

Michael stared at him for one more second then turned to go. He hadn't even taken two steps before he had stopped and was staring at the spine of a book. Jason cursed and looked over at him. _What's wrong now?_

_ This book..._Michael thought as he pulled it from the shelf. It was a decaying book, and as soon as he cracked it open at least half the pages fell out. Jason hurried over and picked up the pages, his face full of panic as he snatched the book away from Michael.

_What the hell did you do? You broke the fucking book! Just how in the hell do you manage to break a book?_

_ I...It was an accident. _He thought shamefully.

_ Oh yeah, an ACCIDENT. Well you know what else was an ACCIDENT?_

_ No. What?_

_ Letting an idiot like you walk around in public! Now go wait outside!_

Once again Michael turned to go but hesitated. _For how long?_

_ Until I come out. _And Jason turned his back to Michael and proceeded to put the book back on the shelf, but something caught his eye. The cover of the book, which was embellished with the picture of a familiar looking clown, had on it a certain author's name in big letters: _STEPHEN KING, _and below this was the slightly smaller title that consisted of a mere two letters: _IT._

_ Hmm...that's weird. I wonder..._Jason looked away from the book and around the library. He saw that Michael had walked a good distance away, was nearly out the door. With a roll of his eyes he thought, _Michael! Psst! Come here! _And he didn't think it odd that he thought this as sort of a whisper, or that he was scared that someone in the library might hear his thoughts. Instead, he focused his attention on the book that was in his hand.

In a few seconds Michael had returned to his side, his eyes wide with curiosity. _What's wrong? Did someone scream rape?_

_ Of course not, you idiot. I--_

_ Well if you just called me back here to abuse me, then I might as well just--_

_ You might as well just shut up and stop being stupid and listen. Look. _He held out the book to Michael. _Do you know what this means?_

Michael took it and turned it over in his hands carefully. His eyes shined with recognition as he thought excitedly, _Yeah I do! That's that one book with that thing and those people with the faces..._

_ It's called IT, idiot. Remember?_

Michael stared at him idiotically. _The one with the Blob, right?_

Jason sighed heavily and had to resist the urge to take out his machete right then and there and stab Michael. The only thing that kept him from doing this was the fact that stabbing each other in a public library might not get them the kind of attention they needed, so he just took the book from Michael and walked away. Michael followed him.

_Wait! Where are we going?_

_ I don't know where you're going, but I'm going to check out this book and show it to Ghostface and Freddy. _Jason said as he went up to the library counter and waited for the librarian to come and check him out. Michael caught up with him, that stupid, confused look still in his black eyes.

_Why? It's just a book, right? I mean, Derry isn't even a real town and...and...oh my God! _His eyes suddenly became wide and he began to scramble around the library, thinking frantically, _If Derry's not real and we're in Derry, then WE must not be real! Oh my God! I don't wanna be fake, I wanna be real! I wanna--_

"Excuse me, sir, but is there something wrong with your friend?"

Jason turned and was pleasantly surprised to see that librarian staring at him from behind her desk. He shook his head and, although he knew that she wouldn't be able to read his thoughts, said in his head, _You have no idea. _And he handed her the book as Michael spazzed out behind him.

* * *

Meanwhile Ghostface had been walking around the streets of Derry, one of his hands jammed deeply in his pocket, the other holding his phone. His fingers flawlessly skimmed over the buttons as he texted. Occasionally when his attention got so hopelessly wrapped up in texting and he didn't realize that he was still walking, he would stumble, maybe even trip, but he would pull himself right back up and keep walking, ignoring the odd glances of everyone around him.

If there was one thing that Ghostface had learned in his lifetime, it was that people like him were very accident prone and tripped over their overly large feet often, and that when this happened, one would have to pick himself up again unless they wanted to die a slow, painful death on the sidewalk due to starvation or thirst—whichever came first. That was the motto to which he lived his life and always would live his life by. In fact, if it had not been for this motto, he might have just allowed himself to die long ago, around the end of the _Scream 2 _production.

Anyway, as he walked/tripped/fell on his face along, he suddenly collided with something. Ghostface let out a surprised yell and fell backward. A laughing, boyish voice said, "Well lookie here, another one of the masked freaks. What do you think of that, boys?"

Ghostface opened his eyes and was surprised to see a boy that we have come to know as Henry standing above him. He got to his feet quickly, whipped out his phone, and tried to keep walking, but some other kid jumped in front of him. Ghostface lowered his phone and glared at the kid. "What the hell do you think that you're doing, kid? Get outta my way before I gut you like a pig!"

The boy said nothing for a second, and under his mask Ghostface smiled triumphantly, thinking that surely he had scared the kid, but in a second the boy had opened his mouth, leaned close to Ghostface and uttered a loud, "_BURP!"_

Ghostface staggered back as the brunt of the boy's belch hit him and covered the nose opening of his mask. "Ugh! That's absolutely _sick!"_

Henry just laughed, gave Belch a high five, and said as he so often did, "Nice one, Belch!"

Behind him Victor let out a burst of troll like laughter and nodded. "Yeah, that was priceless!"

"Are you kidding me?!" Ghostface yelled as he put his phone back in his sleeve. "What the fuck is wrong with people in this shit hole town?!"

Henry's smile faded. "You know what? I've been asking that my whole life." then he turned to his friends and began to walk away. "C'mon, guys. We're goin' to my house so that we can do my chores before my father tans my hide."

"What is this?" Ghostface wondered aloud, "The freakin' 1950s? No one talks like that anymore, and no one wears their hair in an Elvis pompadour!"

At this Victor frowned and ran his hands over his hair, trying to smooth it down and tame it. "I don't see anything wrong with my hair." he said offhandedly as he followed Henry down the street.

Belch groaned and said, "But I don't wanna go help your dad, Henry! Last time that we was there he chased Vic around with a board screamin', 'I'm gonna kill them Nips!' all because Vic had spilled a bag'o tomatoes."

"Belch?" Henry asked.

The idiot frowned. "Wha' Henry?"

"Shut up." and the three boys disappeared down the street and left Ghostface standing there alone.

He shook his head and continued to walk as well, mumbling all the while, "Fucking dumb ass town..._I _didn't want to come here, _I _wanted to go to New Orleans..."

And out of nowhere, as voices so often come, there came a comical and chuckling voice that said, _You wouldn't wanna go there; there's crime and gang shootings and crack deals. Way to much trouble, if you ask me._

Ghostface stopped walking and looked around. He looked around. "What? Who's there?"

_C'mon, it's me, Ghostie...you know who I am, dontcha?_

He frowned and said, on pure influence of whim, the first name that popped into his head. "Pinhead?"

_No._

"Oh. Maybe Chucky then?"

The voice began to sound annoyed. _No, try again. It's not that hard; just say the first thing that pops into your hea--_

"Sunflower seeds!"

_What?_

"You said say the first thing that pops into my head, and that was it."

_Oh my...you're worse than the other one, you know that? Oh, what was his name again? Frannie...Fruity...no, Fre--_

"--ddy! You've talked to him? Where is he? I need to tell him that something isn't right with this town!" Ghostface said, ignoring the odd glances of people passing by him. "Where is he?"

_And why would you wanna know that, girly boy? There isn't anything weird going on in this __town at all, it's all in your head! Speaking of which, maybe you could ask your boyfriend, Michael, for some of that schizo medicine to borrow...it seems to me like you need it!_

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT GAY AND MICHAEL IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND, WE JUST FUCKED ONCE!!!" when he was done shouting he looked around. Every person on the street was staring at him wide-eyed. He chuckled awkwardly and backed away down the street. "Umm...sorry about that, you guys...I guessed I just...erm..."

"If you want to come out of the closet it's okay with me. I won't mind." the sweet, innocent voice came from behind him. Ghostface let out a gasp and turned around to see a little boy in a yellow rain slicker staring at him. Fresh blood was running steadily down his face, making little rivers of red, and one of his arms was missing. Little, ruby droplets from where the arm was supposed to be fell from the remaining tatters of the sleeve. The little boy's face split into a grin as he stared at Ghostface and said again, "It's okay with me. My name's Georgie Denbrough. What's yours?"

Ghostface said nothing; instead he let out a horrible scream and ran in the opposite direction of the boy, pushing people aside and elbowing them as he went. One of these people let out grunt of displeasure and grabbed his arm.

A soft, crackling voice whispered in his ear, "You can't run from yourself, Ghostie. Tell that to your friends next time you think that you hear voices in the drain of your sink."

Ghostface turned slowly and swallowed. A clown stood there, holding his arm in a firm and strong grip. Wild tufts of red hair showed on either side of his bald head, and his face was coated with a white grease paint. On his lips there was a cruel, red smile painted. Ghostface wasn't sure if it was dripping blood or fresh greasepaint, but when It's lips parted into a mad grin, he saw that It's fangs were stained with the red stuff too.

Pennywise laughed. "Well, Fuckface, whadda say? How about a truce? Huh, whadda say? Put 'er there." and he held out a white-gloved hand. Ghostface could only manage to shake his head and try to break away from the clown's gasp, but found that it was too tight.

"I...I don't wanna..."

Pennywise laughed again and leaned a little closer to him, so close that Ghostface could smell the sickening stenches of decay and child-sweat. "Whadda say? I can't here ya, pal. Truce or not? Not? Well okay then, I guess that you'll just have to come down into the sewer with me and _floooooat, _because we all _flooooat _down here in Derry, didn't you know? No? Well now you do." he released Ghostface, but only for a moment before he began to melt like wax, before his face lost all of its shape; he was changing.

"I...I don't...please..."

And it was in that moment, or at least it appeared so to everyone else, that Ghostface fell onto the ground and disappeared in a burst of blood and sewer water. Just as fast as you could blink, he was gone, and everyone in the crowd was covered with blood.

* * *

"Where the fuck is Ghostface?" Freddy asked irritably as he, Michael, and Jason all sat down on their respected beds. He looked around. "I don't see him anywhere."

_Maybe he died. _Michael suggested hopefully. Jason shook his head.

_Don't get your hopes up; he probably just got into some trouble and is waiting for us to bail him out._

_ Well then maybe we should go look for him?_

Freddy and Jason stared at him wide-eyed. "What did you just say, Myers?"

Michael shrugged. _I just thought that maybe we should go look for Ghostface._

_ He's finally cracked._ Jason thought dismally. _The only person in the whole apartment that I could talk to, and he's gone off the deep end._

Freddy scoffed. "Yeah, because Michael Audrey Myers is the height of mental health, isn't he?" and at that moment, when he glared over at the ever silent Jason and Michael, it was that Freddy realized that he was _obligated _to get Ghostface back. He sighed and glared down at his shoes. _Fuck. They're gay...they'd go rescue each other if they had to, so I guess that that leaves me stuck with rescuing Ghostface._

It was true. In the long months that the killers had been stuck living together, they had formed secret alliances that the others didn't know about or hadn't realized—as in Freddy's case—until now. In fact, they themselves didn't even realize it; if Jason had to think about it he'd say that Michael Myers was the worst person that he lived with, no doubt about it, but when he would really begin to think about it, he would decide that Michael was the one slasher that he hated the least, although, don't mistake my meaning, they all still _hated _each other, it was just that the non-talkers and the talkers all hated their equal a little less...well, I'll take that back—Freddy's wort enemy in the world besides Pinhead was Ghostface, but we'll just ignore that little detail for the sake of the plot, because when you really think about it, Ghostface was the only other talking killer in the apartment, so it was sort of a forced relationship.

Anyway...enough rambling. Freddy glanced first at Michael then at Jason. "You wanna go rescue him?"

Michael shrugged. _I'm really indifferent to the situation._

Jason frowned. _Yeah, I could do without Ghostface._

He let out a roar of frustration and went over to the door. "Fine! If you guys wanna be difficult, then you can be difficult by yourselves! Fuck all of you!"

Jason's gaze followed him. _But that doesn't even make any sense; if you wanna be difficult, be difficult by yourselve--_

_ I don't see a problem with it. _Michael thought as he jumped on the bed and closed his eyes. _I'm a little to tired to look around a haunted town in Derry for one Fuckface anyway. Good luck, Freddy._

"Whatever!" Freddy exclaimed as he tried to open the doorknob with his clawed hand. It just slid right off, scratching off some of the gold finish. He glared down at the knob and stood there stupidly for a second before Jason glanced over at him.

_What's wrong? I thought that you were going to save Fuckface._

"Yeah, well..."

Michael looked over and stifled a laugh. _You can't open the door, can you?_

"Shut up!" Freddy howled as he tried to turn the knob again with his gloved had; this yielded the same result. Jason sighed.

_You know, you could just try taking the glove off._

"I knew that!" and Freddy glanced down at his razored glove. It had been years since he had taken it off—he was quite afraid now that it had somehow chemically bonded to his burnt flesh, so naturally he hesitated before pulling it off and shoving into his pants pocket. The smell of vinegary sweat fame from the inside of the glove.

Michael covered the nose piece of his mask. _Eww! When was the last time that you washed that thing? It smells disgusting!_

Freddy shrugged, utterly unconcerned with the situation. "Idiot, you're not supposed to wash _gloves, _only _clothes, _and gloves obviously don't count as gloves, now if you'll excuse me, I have a Fuckface to rescue."

Jason rolled his eyes. _How romantic._

"Shut up, Hockeypuck!" Freddy screamed as he went stomping out the door.

Once he was gone Michael and Jason were silent for a long while. Finally Michael dared to think what Jason was afraid of: _You think that he knows about Pennywise?_

Jason hesitated before thinking, _I...I don't know. I didn't have enough time to show him the book, and I know that he would have just said, 'You stupid Hockeypuck, what does that have to do with anything?' if I had shown it to him..._

_ Maybe we should..._

_ I hate you, Michael._

Under his mask he dared to smile. _Yeah, I hate me too. Now c'mon. _And he hopped off of the bed and went for the door.

Jason followed, pouting. _I hate my life._

* * *

"What the fuck?!" Freddy exclaimed as he looked back and saw Jason and Michcael fast-walking down the street towards him. He cursed. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

Jason: _Okay, before you freak out and totally lose it, just keep in mind that I didn't even want to come; Michael made me._

_ Did not!_

_ Liar! Did too!_

Michael shook his head. _Nu-uh._

_ Uh, yeah, ya did._

_ DID NOT!_

"Okay, okay! It doesn't even matter!" Freddy said tiredly. "Look, all I need you guys to do is split u..." he took one glance at Michael, who was now absentmindedly staring up at the cloudy skies of Derry, and shook his head. "No, scratch that; Voorhees, you chaperone Myers and you guys can look together while I look on my own."

Jason's shoulders slumped and he hurried after Freddy as he turned and proceeded to walk away. _Why do I have to be his babysitter? Better yet, why does a twenty-one-year-old serial killer have to have a babysitter?_

"Oh please, Voorhees! Look at him!"

As if to prove his point Michael suddenly pointed up at the sky and thought excitedly, _Oh my God! Look, you guys! It's a duck! A freakin' duck! Sweet!_

Jason sighed dismally. _Yeah, I'll take care of him._

"Good," Freddy said with a nod, "and if you guys see anything weird that doesn't include a kid with an Evils cut, a kid with a face, or another kid who burps a lot, don't call me." he paused, turned to walk away, but stopped. He added, "For every stupid call I receive, I shall kill you." and then he walked away.

Jason just stood there standing in the middle of the vacant street, his eyes desperate and pleading. _Dear God, if you've ever ignored me before, please, please listen to me now...please, I'll die quickly and quietly and in whatever way you choose if you would just kill me now. Please, just kill me no--_

_ Hey, Jason! _

Jason turned to Michael. _What?_

Michael leaned close to his ear and thought, _Hey, guess what?_

_ I already guessed; WHAT?_

_ I got a secret!_

Jason wheeled on him, his eyes wide and bulging. _WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?!_

Michael just stifled a laugh and turned around. He began walking down the street. _Well fine then, I guess you won't know my secret._

Jason stood there another moment before hurrying after Michael. _Wait! I do want to know the secret!_

And perhaps now you will recall from the last episode where I foreshadowed that a very important character, one very, very close to my heart, was going to 'die'--or at least disappear—from this series forever. Let's just say that things aren't looking so good for Ghostface...but who really cares about him, right? No one really liked him anyway...

* * *

Freddy sighed as he walked down the street. It was totally vacant a deserted; it seemed as if all the people of Derry had been quarantined and were not allowed outside. Sure, it was odd, but Freddy didn't really care. In fact, he was currently thinking of everything _but _the one thing that he was looking for—Ghostface.

He just walked along the street singing to himself a chorus of _Midnight Train _and thinking of Michael Jackson. Odd? Well it should be considering the fact that I just said the two most random things in my mind...

ANYWAY...as Freddy was walking past a storm drain a voice spoke to him.

"Hey! Hey, Kruger! Psst, down here, buddy boy!"

Freddy frowned and looked down into the storm drain and gasped—there was a clown in the storm drain! One with wild, red tufts of hair on either side of his bald head and a greasepaint smile that looked like blood was dripping down his chin...

"PENNYWISE! What the--"

Pennywise laughed and reached one white-gloved hand out of the storm drain; he latched onto Freddy's pants and yanked. "Let's put a _smile _on that face, Mister Kruger! Haha! We _all _float down here...we _all _float..._we all--"_

* * *

At the sound of Freddy's screams Jason looked up, his eyes wide and wondering. _What was that?_

_ It sounded like Freddy..._

Jason turned to Michael. _What do you suppose happened to him?_

Michael shrugged. He seemed utterly unconcerned about the matter. _Should we care? You didn't care about the duck I saw, so why should I--_

_ Oh, just shut up and come on! _Jason thought as he grabbed Michael's sleeve and hurried down the street.

Well, since I don't really feel the need to include yet _another _divider after only, like, three lines of text, I'll just skip ahead to when Jason and Michael arrived at the storm drain. The voice of Pennywise was still echoing in the drain, and as Jason knelt down and reached a hand inside he frowned. Michael knelt beside him.

_What's wrong? What do you feel? Is it Freddy?_

Jason's eyes became inquisitive as his hands gasped onto something. _I...I don't kno—HOLY SHIT! _

_ What? _

_ It's got me! _

_ What?! _Michael thought as he grabbed onto Jason's shoulders and tried to help him pull his arm out of the storm drain.

Jason said nothing, just let out what could only come close to a shrill cry of pain. A sick ripping sound filled the air followed by the sound of a sharp popping then—_What's got you? Why can't you get away?!_

_ It's got my arm! IT's got my--_

And just like that they both flew backward into the street. Michael landed sprawled some distance away from the curled form of Jason. With a sigh he rose to his feet and tapped him gently on his shoulder. Even though he was feet away, he could just see that something wasn't completely right about the way that Jason was lying there on his side. A pool of blood had begun to spread in a rosy puddle from the side the Jason was lying on. Michael swallowed and tapped him again on his shoulder.

_Hey...you okay?_

_ Does it look like I'm fucking okay?! _He thought frantically as he sat up. Michael's eyes grew wide first, then shined with childlike amusement. It was a funny sight indeed. Where Jason's right arm used to be there was now nothing, although a white knob of bone did protrude from what was left from his jacket sleeve.

Jason glared at him. _You think that it's funny that I lost my fucking arm?_

_ Honestly? No, I don't—I think that it's FUCKING HALARIOUS!!! Oh my freakin' God! You have a nub! _And Michael collapsed onto the ground with a silent laughter that sounded more like a series of audible chuffs than anything else. _Oh, holy shit! You're a cripple! A crip!_

_ Shut up, you asshole! That's not something that you should joke about!_

_ Ha, you're so lopsided! _Michale thought as he gripped his sides. _Oh man, my sides hurt from laughing so much!_

Jason thought glumly, _You're not even laughing, just making those annoying gasping sounds, now come on and get up before I make YOU a crip._

_ Why should I? You're crippled._

_ For the last time, _Jason thought as he got to his feet and started towards Michael, forcing him to walk backwards, nearer the storm drain. _The more you joke about that kind of stuff, the greater our chances of either getting bitched out or sued...or both!_

Michael began backing away as Jason approached him. _Okay, okay, just chill out. I'll stop, but only if you--_

There came the sound of insane laughter echoing from the storm drain. Michael and Jason stopped fighting and glanced at each other then down at the storm drain. The chuckling, rotten voice of Pennywise called to them, "You'll both die if you try to fight us! You'll die if you try!" It laughed again and then repeated as it faded away into the depths of the sewer, "You'll die if you try...die if you try...die if you..."

Once the voice had faded all together, Jason turned to Michael and thought gravely, _It was coming from the inside of the storm drain. You do know what that means, right?_

He nodded. _Of course I know what it means, but for one second can you just act like I'm stupid and explain to me what we're gonna do?_

Jason rolled his eyes and began to walk off, motioning for Michael to follow him. _It means, dummy, that we're going straight into the sewer to find Freddy and Ghostface, and maybe while we're at it kill Pennywise for good._

_But how are we gonna find the entrance to the sewers? Crawl into a storm drain?_

Jason frowned; he hadn't thought about this, but the idea came to him very quickly. It was so obvious, so smart. Under his mask he smiled slyly. _We're gonna read IT._

Michael rolled his eyes and groaned._ Damn...I was afraid you'd say that...I'm illiterate, remember? It's all up to you now, Voorhees. You have to save Ghostface and Freddie._

Jason glanced at him oddly. _What did you just think?_

He shrugged. _What? Save Ghostface and Freddy, right?_

He nodded and looked ahead. _Right._

* * *

I know, I know. I'm almost done wasting your time; the episode is almost over, just hold on a little longer.

Since Jason was supposed to be—or, at least, hinted at being—partially mentally...hmmm, what's the word? Ah, yes; _challenged, _he found that focusing on reading Stephen King's thousand-something-page-long book. Michael got a 'get out of jail free pass' so to say, and didn't have to do much work, just sit back and watch _Lifetime _movies, since that was obviously the only thing playing on the Derry. Why? Because that's the first station that came into my head besides VH1, that's why.

Anyway, apparently the secret—according to the book—to defeating it was to just think about happy, childhood stuff. The only problem with this? Jason and Michael had absolutely no happy childhood memories, so, to spare us a long section on how they tried to think of happier times, I will just say that they both decided that the best thing to do would just be to go into the sewers—the entrance of which was located in the Barrens—and kill It, and so that's what they planned to do.

_TWO MONTHS AFTER FREDDY GOT KIDNAPPED AND JASON HAD FINISHED THE BOOK..._

_ It's really incredibly dark down here. _

_ Shut up!_

_ I would, but you're on my foot!_

_ You idiot, what does me being on your foot have anything to do with the fact that you can't shut your mouth?_

_ I hate you right now, Jason._

_ Yeah, you act like that hurts, like I loved you to begin with._

_ You're a jackass._

_ If I could see you I'd kill you. _Jason thought as he and Michael splashed none too quietly through the sewers under Derry.

Michael's retorts were the only thing that ensured that they were still keeping up with each other; the deeper into the sewers that they crawled, the darker and more ominous things became. _Well, _Michael thought as he stumbled blindly and fell flat on his face. In an instant the rancid sewer-water had seeped into the openings of his mask and filled his nose and mouth. He gargled as Jason blindly reached down and lifted him to his feet.

_Jeez, Michael, _he thought angrily,_ You've gotta be more careful! Someone could get seriously hurt down here!_

"And all because neither of you bothered to bring flashlights?" a voice spoke in the darkness. Jason and Michael whirled around blindly and staggered back; a golden bean of light was pointed directly at them.

Jason saw through watering, narrowed eyes, that Henry Bowers was standing at the end of the tunnel, a large grin plastered on his face. At the surprise he saw in Jason and Michael's faces he laughed and elbowed Victor in the ribs. "Hey, Vic, they're stupid, aren't they?"

Victor nodded. "Yeah, like pigs."

Belch, ever eager to join in any conversation that he could, nodded quickly. "Yeah, Henry. We gonna kill 'em right? Is that okey-dokey? Huh, is it?"

_Oh my God! _Michael thought in exasperation as Henry and his friends took a few steps nearer them. _Why does everyone in this fucking hick town talk like they're from the fucking 50s? Fuck!_

_ Hey, Michael? _Jason thought as he tried to back away from Henry. The boy was holding a fine, silver knife, and Jason didn't necessarily want to kill a twelve-year-old today.

_ What?_

_ Why don't you shut the fuck up and stop saying fuck?_

_ Why? It's not fucking hurting anybody; fuck, fuck, fucker, FuCk, fUcK, fuckety fuck fuck...see? I'm not dead ye--_

Suddenly Henry lunged forward and stabbed Michael; the blade sank deep into his chest, but Michael didn't fall. He just stood there wide-eyed, surprised that the boy would try something like this. Belch scratched his head in a confused way. "I guess that saying fuck so many times _did _kill you."

But Victor frowned. He knew better. "Uh, Henry? I don't think that--"

"Why don't you shut your fuckin' mouth up, Vic?" Henry roared as he glared at his friend. Victor took a step back, as if wounded by Henry's words. Michael and Jason just glanced at each other then back at the boys then back to their saving grace; the flashlight in Henry's hand. Jason's eyes twinkled as he reached over and ripped the knife out of Michael's chest; the other killer let out a little hiss.

_What did you do that for?!_

_ Shut up!_

_ Why? It's not like they can hear our thoughts anyway._

Jason glanced over at Henry and raised the knife; the boy was now yelling at both Victory and Belch. _Jeez, _he thought as he slashed at Henry with the knife, _what a dick._

The knife sank into Henry's throat and came out on the other end, dripping ruby beads of blood. Victor and Belch first staggered back then ran, both screaming, "It's Frankenstein! It's Frankenstein!"

Michael frowned as he and Jason walked away from the body of the dying Henry Bowers. _Boy, __that was weird. _

_ What? _He asked as he picked up the flashlight and continued on down the tunnel, _that I just stabbed a twelve-year-old kid?_

Michael shook his head. _No, that they thought that you were Frankenstein._

_ Right, _Jason thought with a roll of his eyes, _and the fact that I killed a twelve-year-old doesn't seem weird at all? Not even creepy?_

Once again he shook his head. _No. Why would it be?_

_ No reason. No reason at all._

* * *

The farther that they traveled into It's lair the more that Jason began to feel uneasy. Apparently Michael felt this as well, because he soon began silently thinking of random songs. Soon all of Derry's sewers were echoing with the lyrics of _Highway To Hell._

_ I'm on the highway to hell..._

_ And there isn't even a Taco Bell..._

_ Or a stop sign..._

Jason sighed. _What the fuck are you singing?_

In the darkness Michael thought, _Highway to Hell by AC-DC. It's a classic, you know._

_ Yeah, I know that, but how about you try and sing a song that is actually relevant? _Jason thought as he and Michael sloshed through the sewers. _Oh, and don't worry about It hearing you either, I mean, it's not like we're actually trying to get out of here ALIVE or anything, right?_

_ Right! _Michael thought before be began thinking again, _I'm on the highway to hell...the highway to..._

This continued for sometime, and eventually Jason began to tune it out, which is the precise reason that when the sounds of Michael's silent singing faded away, he didn't think much of it until he thought, _Hey, Myers, did you hear that? It sounds like something is following us..._

There was no answer. Jason frowned and turned around. He expected to hear Michael's thoughts, but instead what he heard was the comical and laughing voice of Pennywise. "Mikey is gone, Jay-Jay. He--" Pennywise began laughing hysterically, "--fell behind a while back."

Jason swallowed and began to turn in circles idiotically, his arms outstretched and his fingers groping around in the darkness trying to feel for the solid concrete of the sewer walls. _Where is he? Where are you? What did you do to him?_

"I just took him outta the way for a bit; his singing was beginning to wear on my last nerve, but you can understand that, can't ya, Voorhees? Let's just say that Myers isn't the next Clay Aiken."

_What, you mean gay?_

"Gay? What the...you know what? Never mind, let's just hurry up and get this over with. I'm hungry and Kruger is beginning to give me a headache."

Jason's eyes grew wide in the darkness. _You mean that you didn't kill him yet?_

"Nah, but lemme tell ya, it was a dumb mistake on my part; the asshole never shuts up!"

_Yeah, tell me about it._

"You know, Jason, I kinda don't want to kill you. You're all right."

_Thanks._

"Yeah."

There was a moment of silence before Jason thought, _You're still gonna take me and rip me to shreds, aren't you?_

"Undoubtedly so."

He sighed but nodded in acceptance. _Yeah, I figured that's how it would go._

* * *

It had taken Jason, Michael, Freddy, and Ghostface into the deepest chambers of the sewers, where only an odd, earthy greenish light could penetrate and it smelled of mold and rot. That's where Jason woke up to find the others hanging upside down, bundled in the silky webs of some sort of spider. He cursed.

_Shit. I was really hoping that by the time I woke up he'd have either killed you all or me. Either way I'd have been happy._

"Ah, fuck you, Voorhees." Freddy said as he squirmed in the webs that trapped him. On the ground beneath him his hat lay, already half moldered from having been exposed to the moisture in the sewers for too long. Freddy seemed very bitter about this.

Next to him Ghostface, who was struggling to get one arm free, said, "Yeah, you can't imagine how long we've been hanging here waiting to get rescued. What took you guys so long?"

Jason tried to shrug casually, but found that he was unable to do so. Instead he just thought, _I had to find out how to defeat It so I read the book._

"You mean the fucking 1000-page-long book?!" Freddy asked in amazement. Jason nodded. "Well why the fuck didn't you just skip to the fucking _end _like every other normal person?!"

_I dunno. Why the fuck are you dropping so many 'F' bombs?_

Michael stifled a laugh and began leaning back and forth, back and forth, causing the webs that supported him to swing him haphazardly in the air. _Ha this is fun!_

"Don't do that, you idiot!" Ghostface warned. "You might hit your face or something!"

Below them a voice answered, "Not very likely."

Everyone looked down and was unpleasantly surprised to see a giant spider looking up at them, its eight beady red eyes focused up at them. Its fangs were huge, the size of Michael's kitchen knife, and its eight legs were as thick as tree trunks. It said loftily, "So, are you all awake?" they all nodded, their eyes staring at It with mixed looks of horror. The spider nodded in a satisfied way and began to climb the side of the sewer walls. "Good. Who's first?"

Michael, always a little slow on the uptake, thought stupidly, _First to what?_

It said in a slightly flustered voice, "First to get eaten, idiot. You know what? For being so stupid maybe I should just eat you right now..."

_No! _Michael thought as the spider crawled over to where he was and flexed its fangs. _Eat Freddy first!_

"What?!" Freddy yelled, utterly surprised by Michael's betrayal. "Why me?"

_Because you called me stupid and it was mean and hurt my feelings._

"What?" he said in exasperation as the spider backed away from Michael and peered over at Freddy, "_Feelings? _You wanna talk about feelings? Please, Myers, everyone in the fucking apartment has called you a dumb ass, not just me!" then he glared over at It and said, "Eat Voorhees first, no one will miss him!"

Neither It or anyone else noticed as Ghostface managed to pull his arm out of It's web and dig in his shirt, desperately looking for the cell phone that was usually carefully hidden in his sleeve. Perhaps that's why whenever Jason gave an outburst of, _No, don't eat me, eat Ghostface! He's a horrible person!_

Ghostface looked up, his hand still groping around in his shirt, and gave a stupid, "Huh?"

Everyone stared at him miraculously. Even It, but after a second It cried, "Hey, just what do you think that you're doing?!" and he jumped from one side of the wall to the other and crept nearer Ghostface, ready to strike, his monstrous fangs dripping venom onto the ground below.

He reared, prepared to strike, but just before he did, Ghostface lashed and delivered a weak punch to one of It's eight eyes. It backed away, began to writhe and hiss. "Ow! Oh Jesus above save us! Ow that _hurts!_"

Ghostface chuckled and asked hopefully, "Really? Was it that bad?"

It returned to normal and said dully, "Of course not, you idiot!" and without further delay he launched himself forward and sank his fangs deep into Ghostface's neck an--

* * *

Okay, hope you enjoyed this episode because this, along with the whole series, is over.

Okay. Goodbye now.

So long.

Hope you enjoyed the series.

Am I serious? Yes...no, I am not. I sure hope that you weren't too attached to Ghostface, though...

XD sorry, just had to mess with you a bit. Now back to the episode...

* * *

It launched himself forward and sank his fangs deep into Ghostface's neck and let out a satisfied hissing noise as it injected its venom. Ghostface let out a surprised little squeak that sounded very rabbit-like then went limp. Freddy watched with wide eyes, squirming desperately, trying to get free before it was his turn. He glared at It and howled, "What the fuck, man? Are you serious? He's dead, just like that? What kind of crack head story is this?"

Michael just frowned. _What story are you talking about?_

Suddenly it backed away from the limp and lifeless form of Ghostface and glared at Michael. "Oh my God, you sound so stupid that you're making my hears actually hurt! You're next..."

_But I don't wanna—_and he turned to Jason, _Oh, screw integrity...HELP ME!!!_

_ How?_

_ I dunno, just do something!_

Jason looked from the spider to Michael, his eyes desperate and fearful, then he did the only thing that he could think to do; he began singing. _We're on the highway to hell...and there isn't even a..._he hesitated before thinking resentfully, _Taco Bell..._

An instant before It sank his fangs into Michael he stopped and narrowed his eyes. "Wh...what are you singing?"

Jason didn't stop, though. He looked over at Freddy and thought, _Help me!_

"But why should I--"

_Do you want to die?_

"Well it wouldn't be the highlight of my life..."

_Sing!_

Freddy frowned. "Well, I guess that having life is a pretty essential part of _living..._" and he sighed, took a deep breath, and yelled out, "We're on the motherfucking gay-ass highway to fucking hell!"

Michael, clueless as to the effect that the singing was having on It, just lashed out and banged his head against It's. The spider backed away, mostly surprised at the sudden attack, and let out a hiss. "Ahh! You bitch! Why would you do that?"

_I can honestly say that I have no clue what's going on._

"Hmm." It said, "Apparently not I--" suddenly It stopped talking; its eight, beady eyes glazed over and his mouth fell in what could only come close to a smile. He had just enough life left in him to turn and manage to hiss at Ghostface before he fell to the ground, the tip of a serrated knife protruding from his abdomen.

It landed, as most dying spiders often do, with its eight legs curled in an almost protective way, all of its eyes closed. Michael looked to Ghostface and thought miraculously, _Thanks!_

_ "_S'all right." he answered as he tried to make sense of the world; the venom had caused his senses to become confused. He wasn't quite sure which way was up or down, and colors and shapes swam before his eyes.

Freddy let out a relieved little sigh. "How the hell did you manage to do that?"

"I dunno, can we just get down now?"

_How? _Jason thought.

"Don't you got your glove?" Ghostface asked Freddy, who shook his head. Jason groaned and shook his head.

_Of course he doesn't! He took it off when we came to look for you!_

"Why'd you do that?"

Freddy seemed ashamed as he said quietly, "Yeah, so...sor..." still he couldn't bring himself to say the dreaded 's' word, so he just mumbled, "I guess we're not getting out, huh?"

Jason shook his head and motioned to Ghostface. _Maybe not. Ghostface, did It leave a fang in your shoulder from when it bit you?_

Ghostface managed with some amount of pain to look over his shoulder and nod. "Yeah, I think I see something..." and with a grimace and a sharp inhalation of pain, he grasped the end of something that was white and protruding slightly from his shoulder, lodged right between the blade. "Jesus." he breathed as he slowly pulled the fang out. It was stained pink with blood and dripping ruby droplets onto the floor below them. "Why does this shit always happen to me?"

"Actually it almost always happens to Voorhees, so just count yourself as lucky this time." Freddy said as he watched Ghostface with a look of disgust on his face.

Michael, who was focused on looking anywhere except Ghostface, thought, _Can we please just hurry this up?_

"Relax," Ghostface said as he began sawing away on the web that held him with the fang. "We're almost out of this shit hole town."

* * *

"Thank God for that." Freddy said as he landed on the floor with a grunt. He turned to the curled corpse of It and spat at it. "Let's go."

They all nodded and began to walk away, but suddenly something caught Freddy's ankle; he looked down and gasped. "Help! It's got me! It's not dead!" he howled as he punched at It with his fist.

The spider had risen from its place on the floor and grabbed Freddy's ankle between two fangs. Freddy scarcely felt the pain as it bit down on him and backed away. He lost his footing and fell. Ghostface turned around and sighed. "Forget it, I'm done." And he turned and continued to walk away.

Jason got out his machete and took a step toward It, but Michael caught him and shook his head. _No, don't try that. Use this. _And he handed Jason the copy of Stephen King's _IT. _Jason glanced down at it, his eyes puzzled.

_What am I supposed to do with this?_

Michael shrugged. _I dunno. You're creative, right?_

_ No, not really. I can't recall saying that I was..._

_ Just save Freddy, okay?_

_ But why can't you—_Jason stopped as he felt something collide with his chest. He was sent flying against the sewer wall by It's blow. When he managed to open his eyes, he saw that the spider was looming above him, still holding Freddy's foot between its fangs. Jason just shrugged and glanced down at the book. _Oh, why the hell not? _And he threw the book at the spider's face; it released Freddy and staggered back.

One of It's legs fell back on the book and It's legs became tangled. Letting out dangerous curses, the creature was sent stumbling into the flowing waters of Derry's sewers. Jason sighed and lowered his head into his hands. Freddy did the same and sat next to him, his chest heaving and his ankle seeping blood.

"You know what I want to know?" he asked. Jason shrugged.

_What?_

"What kind of crack head spider in a crack head story trips over itself and drowns in sewer water."

_Yeah. _He thought as he rose to his feet. _That was pretty dumb, but I guess we should find Myers and Ghostface, right?_

"Yeah." Freddy said as he also got to his feet and began limping down the tunnel.

Just as they took their first steps, the figure of a boy in a yellow rain slicker appeared holding a newspaper boat. "Hi," the ghost boy said as Jason and Freddy neared him, "My name's Georgie and I--"

"Piss off, kid." Freddy said as he passed by and elbowed the kid into the flowing waters of the sewer, where It had drowned. Jason looked at him oddly.

_You really think that was necessary?_

"Is your face necessary?"

_What? _

"Exactly." and they continued out of the sewer without another word.


	33. Episode 31Fatally Attracted

Episode 31—Fatally Attracted

For those of you who don't read the A/N at the end of the episode, I have a** very important announcement. **Yeah, that's right, it's bolded. It's just that important...

If you have ever had a question in the world about the _Scream For Me_ series, I urge you to ask me. Post it, message me, just get it in before the next episode. More information at the end of this episode.

* * *

_You know what I don't understand?_

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Do you mean besides everything?"

Michael nodded. _Well yeah, but besides that, I mean._

_ What? _Jason wondered. In reality he really couldn't care less, but after a while of living with Michael, he had come to realize that it was just best for everyone if you acted genuinely interested.

_Well_, Michael thought, _it's just weird that every time that it gets all quiet and stuff, something bad happens._

Ghostface scoffed. "Yeah, right! What could possibly happen to mess today up? We've pretty much survived every bad thing on the face of the Earth, so there isn't really much left to get us down, right?"

But despite this logic Jason found himself thinking, _Hmm...is anyone else sensing major deja vu?_

Freddy ignored this and frowned. "Hey, don't curse us, Myers! I don't want this day to be fucked up like the others."

"But what could possibly fuck up today?" Ghostface wondered aloud. As if to answer this question, his cell phone rang. John Lennon's soft voice accompanied by soothing piano music echoed throughout the apartment. Am I going to quote the ring tone like always? Why the fuck not?

_ Imagine there's no countries_

_ It isn't hard to do_

_ Nothing to kill or die for_

_ And no religion too_

_ Imagine all the people_

_ Living in peace_

_ You may say that I'm a dreamer_

_ But I'm not the only one..._

Freddy groaned and everyone except Ghostface covered their ears. "Where do you get these fucking ring tones?!"

Ghostface ignored this and answered his phone. "Hello? Alex? Alex Forrest? Well yeah, I'm fine; you? Well that's good for you! Yeah, he's here. Sure, just hold on a sec." and lowered the phone and turned to Freddy, who sat there staring at him suspiciously.

"Who the fuck are you talking to, Fuckface?"

Jason: _Didn't he mention the name Alex Forrest?_

Michael's eyes filled with terror. _Oh my God! Quick, hang up the fucking phone!_

"Outta my way, Myers!" Freddy instructed as he reached for Ghostface's phone. "I'm getting laid tonight!"

It was true, Freddy had a perfectly legitimate reason to get excited; whenever Alex Forrest gave you a call she only wants one thing—that three-lettered word that begins with 'S' and ends with 'X'. Since there's only one letter left, I might as well just say that it's 'E', and just in case you can't spell or put two and two together, I think that I will just say that it's 'SEX'. Hopefully you already knew this as soon as I began this paragraph—I _hope _that you knew this, otherwise I'm in trouble.

Anyway, as he eagerly took Ghostface's phone, Michael began to back away until his back was against a wall. Jason rolled his eyes and glared over at him. _And just what in the world is your problem?_

Michael shook his head and pointed over to Freddy. _He's gonna get us all killed!_

_ And why is that?_

He stared at Jason incredulously. _Because Alex Forrest just happens to be the psycho girlfriend in Fatal Attraction!_

Jason thought about this for a second then shrugged. _Yeah, and?_

_ B-but she's...she's..._

Jason went over to him and slapped him supportively on the shoulder. _Listen, Michael, it's okay. Everything is gonna be okay. I heard somewhere that Alex has been going to therapy and has had a complete revelation; she's not a psycho anymore._

Michael's once dull, black eyes lit up as he thought, _Jason?_

_ Yeah?_

_ What does revelation mean?_

Jason just sighed and looked up at the ceiling. _Why do they always go for the stupid ones?_

_ What? _Michael asked.

He shook his head quickly. _Umm...nothing. Nothing at all._

_ Oh. Jason?_

_ Yeah?_

_ Your touching me._

He shook his head once more. _No I'm not, dummy._

Michael nodded insistently. _Uh, yeah, you are. You're hand is still on my shoulder._

_ Oh. _And Jason removed his hand from Michael's shoulder and looked back over at Freddy. _Sorry._

He could hear Freddy's voice quite clearly as he talked; Ghostface had long since lost interest in whatever Freddy and Alex were talking about and was in the kitchen making a sandwich. Jason stared at Freddy for about a full minute before their eyes locked. Freddy glared at him and got to his feet. He went over to the balcony and went out, slamming the already cracked glass door that was held together by duct tape—is it duct or duck?--and left them all inside.

Once he was gone Ghostface went back into the living room area with a fried catfish-pickle-bologna-apple-gummi bear sandwich in one hand and a beer in the other. Why the gummi bears? Well what self-respecting slasher doesn't enjoy a gummi bear? Okay, sorry. Back to the plot thing...

He glanced out the glass balcony door-or at least what was _left _of the glass balcony door after all the times that it's been broken-and sighed. "Poor idiot."

Michael and Jason looked over at him from their places on the floor by the wall. _What? _Jason thought. _Alex has been in therapy, right? She's changed._

"Yeah, right." and he chuckled as he plopped down on the couch and took a bit of sandwich. "If she's changed, then I'm officially a Harvard graduate."

Michael's evil eyes lost any brightness that had previously been in them. Once again they became dully stupid, reflecting the inner idiocy that he was constantly feeling. _Really? _He thought, _Congratulations! When did you graduate?_

Jason's head fell into his hands and Ghostface let out a sort of disappointed sigh. _Really? Are you being serious right now?_

He nodded. _Why would I joke about that?_

"Because it was a joke to begin with!" Ghostface yelled exasperatedly. This didn't make it any clearer for Michael, who just sat there looking at both of them like _they _were the idiots.

_What wasn't a joke? Boy, you guys sure seem confused._

Jason and Ghostface glanced at each other then shook their heads. _What? _Michael thought. _What's wrong?_

_ Hey, Myers? How about you just be quiet for now? _Jason thought before turning back to Ghostface. _So what about Alex being a psycho bitch just cause she won't fuck you?_

"Hey, I never said that!" he protested.

Jason shrugged. _Yeah, sure, but don't lie; we all know that's the reason._

"The reason is because...well, it's true!"

He rolled his eyes. _Yeah, that's some real sound logic you go there._

Michael, still clueless, thought, _I still don't know what's happening._

"You never really do know, do you?" Ghostface asked before taking a big sip of beer and burping. Michael shook his head.

_No, not really. Usually I just play along and everything works out fine._

_ Yeah, that's sort of what we figured. _Jason thought as he got up and went over to sit on the couch. He snatched Ghostface's beer and took a long sip.

Michael just sat in his corner, his back still rigid against the wall, and thought, _Whatever, but I still don't feel great about this whole Alex thing. It's kind of creepy._

* * *

That night Freddy was a tad bit on edge, and whenever a knock came at the door he nearly jumped out of his skin. "What the fuck is that?!"

Ghostface, who had long grown tired of his paranoid antics, motioned over to the door. "Just someone that the door. You want Michael to--"

"No!" and he jumped over the couch and hurried over to the door. Jason sighed and stole the joint that Ghostface had been candidly puffing away at.

_Oh my God, this is not going to end well, I can tell._

"What's wrong, Voorhees?" Ghostface questioned as he took the joint away from Jason and took a drag himself, "Had second thoughts about letting the queen of psycho bitches into our apartment to browse around?"

Jason shook his head as he let out a breath full of smoke. _It's just that I can't stand her voice. __It's--_

Just as he thought this the piercing, annoying voice of Alex Forrest carried through the apartment as she came in. "Oh, this is a lovely place, just lovely, but we don't have to do it in front _them, _do we?" as she walked into the apartment and looked over at Ghostface, Jason, and Michael, her eyes lost their once cheerful glow and her face fell.

Freddy, being the idiot that he was, thought that this was due to the fact that Ghostface, Jason and Michael were staring at her. He glared at them and shook his head. "No way, I can get them out if you want. I can--"

"Michael? Michael Myers, is that you?" Alex asked as she walked away from Freddy and over to Michael.

Michael, who had spend the whole day huddled against the corner of the wall, laid his head in his arms in a feeble act of protecting himself from what he was sure was certain death. _If she can't see me, I can't see her...If she can't see me I cant--_

_ Uh, Michael? Yeah she can._

And suddenly Alex's voice was whispering to him. "Michael Myers, why are you hiding from me?"

_I don't wanna talk to you! _He thought as he peeked up. Alex stood above him, her severe eyes staring down at him. She just arched an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry?"

_I can't--_

"She can't hear you, idiot." Ghostface said from over on the couch. Michael looked over to him; Jason and Ghostface sat on the couch staring at him with widely concerned eyes. Jason shook his head at Michael's stupid reaction.

_Just act like she's a normal person! There's nothing wrong with her!_

"Michael! Answer the question! Why are you ignoring me?!"

Michael looked back up at her then shakily reached for some nearby paper and a pencil. He wrote down in scrawled, nearly illegible letters, _You scare me. Please just go away now._

"Yeah," Freddy said from a ways away, "why don't we just leave?" he went over to where Alex was standing and motioned to the door. "Let's go."

"But I--"

"Let's go right now, bitch, or I swear to god that I'll fucking gut you like a fish." Freddy hissed in a quietly deadly voice.

This didn't stop Ghostface from jumping up and screaming, "Hey, I call copyright infringement! I call copyright infringement!"

Jason sighed and switched on the T.V. _Ah, don't we all?_

As Freddy hurried Alex out the door, Michael couldn't help but meet her gaze as she turned to give him one last quick glance. She smiled at him and as the door slammed, Michael swore that he saw her silently mouth the words _I love you._

* * *

The next morning was a very odd one indeed; Freddy awoke to find that he was back in his apartment laying in his usual spot. This disappointed him greatly, and as he jumped off the couch he let out a squeak of surprise—Alex Forrest was laying next to him completely naked.

He heard Ghostface let out a tired grumble, "Hey, Freddy...you...you back already?"

Freddy gasped and grabbed Alex's wrist. She let out a moan and opened her eyes. She smiled a thin smile. "Good morning, Freddy. How'd you--"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" he hissed as he pulled on her, making her rise to her feet, and roughly drug her to the door. "Get out!"

The smile faded from her face. "But I--"

"Listen, I don't know what the fuck happened last night, just please get out and don't stalk me!" Freddy begged her as he threw her out the door along with her clothes from the night before. He couldn't help but noticing that they smelled like smoke and alcohol.

Alex just stood in the door way, still completely naked, frowning. "Stalk you? Why would I stalk you?" and although Freddy didn't notice, her eyes quickly flickered back to the inside of the apartment, to where Michael lay splayed on the floor sleeping.

Freddy just slammed the door and hurried back over to the couch. Ghostface was already up and staring at him with wide eyes. "Kruger, what the hell?"

"Just shut up and don't say a word, okay?" Freddy growled as he hurriedly put on his sweater and hat. "It's a long story that I don't even remember."

Over on the floor Jason, who had been snoring terribly—yeah, because Jason Voorhees snores just like EVERYBODY else—started and covered his eyes with his hands. _What the hell is everyone doing up so early? It's only nine in the morning!_

Ghostface took one glance at Freddy then turned back to Jason. He cried in an annoyingly high voice, "Kruger fucked Alex! Kruger fucked Alex! Kru--"

"Shut the fuck up, you bitch!" Freddy yelled as he tried to stab Ghostface with his claws. Ghostface let out a scream and tried to dive to the left; he just ended up loosing his footing as he tripped over Michael and fell against the wall with a grunt. Freddy lunged forward quickly and sank his claws deep into Ghostface's stomach.

Blood began to drip down the wall just ask Michael opened his eyes and looked up. Needless to say that he was unpleasantly surprised as Freddy howled, "You fucking bitch! I told you not to tell!"

Ghostface let out a wheezing grunt as he fell on top of the still half asleep Michael. "Oww...sorry Fr...Freddy...I—oh, hey, Myers. Looks like I'm on top of you, huh?"

Ghostface was laying on Michael's back. _Get the fuck off of me! Help! Jason!_

Jason, who had been standing a ways away just watching with an amused glimmer in his eyes, held up his hands and shook his head. _Don't look at me. I'm just an unfortunate witness._

Freddy glared down at Ghostface and growled, "Get your dick out of Myers' ass and get up."

Ghostface made a move to get up, but when Michael squirmed from under him in a feeble attempt to escape, he stopped and laid there motionless. "Aw, shit! I...uh...I can't really do that at this point in time."

Freddy's tone didn't soften as he asked, "Why the fuck not?"

Jason stifled a laugh as he went over to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. _I think that he's gotten a bit to 'excited'._

It took a second for Freddy to fully understand this before he backed away and sneered, "Eww! That's fucking sick!"

Jason, who was doubled over in the kitchen in silent laughter, thought, _Oh my God, it's just like the green bean casserole at Thanksgiving!_

On the floor Michael finally managed to get free of Ghostface. He hurried over to the bathroom. _Yeah, except the freakin' green bean casserole wasn't up my ass! I feel sick..._

Ghostface also got to his feet and shifted in an embarrassed way. "Sorry." he mumbled.

Freddy just went over into the kitchen. "Whatever. I mean, it's not like the fucking chick was gonna keep it a secret for long anyway." and that was the end of it.

* * *

Once in the bathroom Michael had proceeded to turn on the hot water full blast and just sit on the edge of the tub cradling his head in his hands. He hadn't even been awake yet for 30 minutes, yet he had already been violated in ways to disturbing to describe. He shook his head and thought dismally, _I hate my life, I really hate it..._

"But I love you, Michael, and I always will. Forever and ever and ever."

Michael gasped and looked up. Staring back at him through the thick steam the covered the mirror was the smiling face of Alex Forrest. Michael was so shocked by this that he nearly fell back into the tub of hot water, but just as he recoiled, a dainty hand reached out and closed around his wrist with surprising strength. Michael closed his eyes tightly as he heard Alex's voice in his ear again, this time sounding a tad bit more insistent. "I will not be ignored, Michael!"

_Please, God, just let this be either a really bad dream or an even worse Miley Cyrus movie._

"This isn't a movie, silly!"

Michael opened his eyes and stared into hers. _You can hear my thoughts?_

Alex smile grew and a few blond curls fell into her face. "When you're in love you can do anything, Mikey!"

He shook his head and twisted his wrists in a weak attempt to escape her grip. It did no good. _That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! Everyone else in the apartment besides Jason just figured out how to do that a few episodes ago!_

"What's an 'episode', Mikey dear?"

He shook his head and his eyes became wide and puzzled like always whenever this subject was brought up. _I don't know!_

Alex just shrugged, not seeming to really care about all of this as she rested her head against Michael's chest, despite how much he thrashed and tried to get away; she just laughed. "I won't be ignored, Michael; why haven't you called me since the party that Pinhead threw? We had such a fun time that night, didn't we?"

Once again he shook his head. _No we didn't! You fucking raped me in the bathroom!_

Alex's eyes lit up and she giggled. "Oh yeah, this bathroom, right Mikey? What a coincidence! Let's do it right now!"

_But how did you even get in here in the first place? You weren't here this morning._

She frowned. "What?"

_How did you--_

"Yeah, I heard that part, but I just didn't understand the question."

This only made him more confused. _But...wait, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, help, Jason! Rape! RAAAAPE!_

* * *

"Yeah, and I was all like, man they should not have eliminated that one chick with the face and the hair--"

"Yeah, except for the fact that her hair was as fake as her boobs and singing voice."

Jason shook his head. _No, she sang so bad that it couldn't have possibly been fake, it was just that horrible._

Ghostface just shrugged. "I dunno, man, I liked her."

"Yeah," Freddy said sarcastically, "you fell in love with her giant, fake, silicon balloons the second she popped up on the screen, I saw it. We all did, didn't we, Voorhees?"

He shook his head. _Hey, don't bring me into this. I'm just here because there's nothing better to do, and it's not my fault if Ghostface's little silicon queen got eliminated from American Idol. I--_

_ HELP! RAPE, RAPE! JAAAASON!!!_

He stopped and looked around. _What was that?_

Ghostface jumped to his feet. "It sounded like Michael, but where could it be coming from?!"

Freddy also got up and rolled his eyes. "Gee, no clue. There are only, what, like, two whole fucking rooms in this shithole; this one and the bathroom."

In an instant Jason had hurried over to the bathroom door and kicked it in. Ghostface gasped and mumbled, "Well that's great; something else that I'm going to have to fix, just like the balcony door! Fuck, why can't you just open it like a normal, functional person, hockey puck?"

Jason ignored him and stepped into the bathroom with Freddy following close behind. "Yeah, I think that we'll just make Myers fix this since it pretty much is his fault anyway, just like the global warming deal and world hunger. Besides, you really didn't fix the balcony door, just duct taped it together."

Michael was sitting on the floor in the corner of the bathroom curled into a ball. Jason went over to him and shook him. _Myers? What the hell is wrong with you? _

He opened his eyes and looked around wildly. _Huh? What happened?_

_ You were shouting rape so we all came to see what was wrong. Are you okay?_

_ Do I look okay?_

Jason shrugged and helped him to his feet. _I dunno. You never really looked 'okay' to me, but whatever, just as long as you're not dead or decapitated, I guess that we're pretty much good._

Michael thought about this as he allowed Jason to lead him out of the bathroom. _Yeah, I guess so, but I really need help. It's about Alex._

Jason stared at him skeptically as he plopped down on the couch. _What about her? She isn't giving you any trouble, is she?_

He nodded. _Yeah, she's freakin' crazy! I swear to God!_

_ No, she went to therapy, so she's better now. She told me so._

_ But she--_

_ Okay, Myers, listen up and listen good; there is nothing wrong with Alex Forrest, okay? _Jason insisted. _She might be a little odd, but otherwise she's just fine, got it?_

_ But--_

"Hey, Myers, you get up off your lazy fucking ass and get on your knees..." Freddy began. Ghostface snickered.

"Yeah, get on your knees."

"Shut up, Fuckface. Anyway, get on your knees and go clean up the stuff you left in the bathroom and let the water out of the tub." Freddy instructed. Michael sighed and got to his feet.

_Whatever. I don't give a fuck if no one believes me anyway, but if you wake up and I'm not here, go ask Alex where I went. She'll probably know._

Freddy sneered at this as he went to switch on the T.V. "You assume that we'd actually _want _you back, now just shut up and piss off. _American Idol _is on."

* * *

LATER THAT NIGHT...

"I'm starving!" Ghostface whined as he sat down at the table with the others.

"Yeah, well so are we, but what are we gonna do?" Freddy asked, "Ever since the balcony door cracked open for the twelfth thousandth time, we're sorta broke."

A loud grumbling came from Michael's stomach, and no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he found that his body kept begging for food. _Well can't we go to Mickey D's or something? Or Starbucks?_

Jason stifled a laugh and shook his head. _What kind of not pansy dude actually wants to go to Starbucks?_

_ What? I love those Caffè Vanilla Frappuccinos. They're really good._

Freddy laughed and said to himself, "Oh my God, Myers is a fucking pansy assed idiot..."

_Am not!_

"Oh yeah?" he asked before saying mockingly, " 'I love those Caffè Vanilla Frappuccinos!' What a fucking pansy."

Michael just looked down and sighed. _Jesus, it's like I can't think anything wright around here..._

"What?" Ghostface suddenly asked. Michael looked at him and shrugged.

_What? It's like I can't think anything write around here and it's true!_

He shook his head. "No, you used the wrong 'right.' You were supposed to use r-i-g-h-t, not w-r-i-g-h-t."

Jason stared at him as if he were an idiot. _What the hell are you talking about? We're speaking, not spelling or writing or anything, so you shouldn't be able to see witch word we used._

Freddy narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, I can see it too! You justed said 'witch' instead of 'which'!"

"And you just said 'too' instead of 'to'!" Ghostface pointed out. Freddy shrugged.

"It doesn't matter which two you use, both mean the same thing."

"But you just used the number two instead of--"

_I'm so confused! What are we talking about? _Michael thought. Jason sighed.

_I think that the hunger is getting to us. Maybe we should find something to—hey, do you smell that?_

They all wrinkled their noses at the smell and looked to the stove; none of them had noticed before, but a pot was on the stove, and steam was slowly wafting up and out the open window. Freddy slowly got to his feet and went over to it, his clawed hand raised and ready for attack.

He got to the pot and peered carefully in. "Oh my...what the hell is this? Some kind of joke?!"

Everyone glanced at each other then jumped out of their seats as well, and hurried over to where Freddy stood, pushing and shoving at each other to get a better look. Inside of the pot of bubbling, frothing water there floated the floppy ears of a bunny. Michael gasped as the dead animal's corpse floated to the top and the bunny's beady eye stared at him from in the pot. The water that bubbled around it was a dull, pinkish color, and the poor animal's fur was stained with red splotches.

Upon seeing this Ghostface backed away and ran to the bathroom, with the cry of, "I'm gonna be sick, I swear!"

Jason took a few steps away from the pot but upon seeing the behavior of Ghostface and sickened looks in Freddy and Michael's eyes, he closed his eyes and grabbed the pot. _I'll get rid of it and get some Lysol or something._

Freddy shook his head slowly and turned the stove off. "No, fuck that; get some Germ-X and sanitize the whole fucking place."

He nodded and hurried out onto the balcony to dump the disgusting stew. Once he had gone, Freddy turned to Michael and glared at him. "I know what this is about."

Michael swallowed. _Oh really? What?_

"Well don't you think that it's a little, oh, gee, I dunno, fucking creepy that only a few hours after Alex saw you we find a boiling bunny on the stove?"

He shrugged. _Maybe, maybe not. I guess it depends on how you look at it._

Freddy let out a roar of frustration and pressed his claws to Michael's throat. He leaned close and whispered, "Listen here, you fucking fag, if I so much as catch her looking at you again, you're dead, do you hear me?"

He nodded. _Yeah, I got it, but I don't want her to--_

"Do you understand?"

_Yeah._

"Good, now go and check to see if Fuckface actually managed to puke in the toilet or sink this time instead of on the wall. Oh, and by the way, your hair smells like pansy-ass flowers." Freddy said before turning away and walking back over to the couch.

Michael didn't move, nor did he bother to wonder why Freddy had sniffed him. Instead he wondered, _But I don't understand how she managed to put a pot on the stove, fill it with water, find a bunny, and throw the kicking, thrashing thing into the pot without knocking the it off the stove, all when we were in the room._

"And I don't understand how you could be as stupid as you are, but some questions just don't have answers, do they? Now go!"

And Michael hurried over to the bathroom to check on Ghostface. He opened the door gently and peeked inside to see Ghostface slumped over the toilet breathing hard. He sighed and stepped inside. _Are you good?_

"Do I _look _fucking good, idiot?"

_Sorry, I didn't realize how sensitive you were._ He thought as he sat down a ways away on the edge of the tub.

"Sensitive?" Ghostface asked as he spat one last time into the toilet and flushed, "I'm acting sensitive? Dude, I just fucking puked my guts out after seeing a perfectly cute bunny with its neck snapped floating in a boiling pot of water! Of course I'm a tad bit on the sensitive side!"

He looked down at his nails and distractedly picked at them. _Yeah, sorry about that. It's sorta my fault, I guess._

"You guess? You guess? You gue--"

_Yeah, I guess, and you can stop repeating everything I say in the form of a question. I would __really appreciate it._

"Well excuse me for that," Ghostface mumbled as he crawled over to a corner of the bathroom and hugged his knees. "I guess that I'm just in a pissy mood after all of this shit."

He nodded. _Yeah, me too. I guess that Alex is still psycho, huh?_

"Yeah, I guess that--" Ghostface gasped and looked around wildly. A loud clanging had come from outside followed by sounds of struggle. He swallowed and whispered, "What was that?!"

_Ssh! _Michael thought as he put a finger to his lips and crawled over to the door. _I think that she might be outside..._

Then there came the loud cry of, "Hey, fuck off, sister! He's in the bathroom! Jeez, what a psycho bitch!" then, "Hey, Myers! Alex is here to see you and she has a knife; you'd better lock the door!"

Michael slapped his forehead and thought miserably, _Why would he tell her were I was?_

Ghostface shrugged. "Never fuck with a crazed woman with a knife, I guess."

_Yeah, _he thought bitterly as he reached up and locked the door. _I just hope that she doesn't know how to pick locks or anything._

In an instant the door gave a little click and the knob turned. Michael gasped and turned to look at Ghostface, who was still safely hidden in the corner. He chuckled awkwardly and waved before he began to crawl into the cabinets under the sink and squeeze inside.

"Sorry, Myers. Good luck, cause I sure as hell ain't getting out to help."

_But--_

"Sorry, Michael, but I don't deal with psycho chicks."

Michael just lowered his head into his hands and cried, _WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!?!_

And suddenly the door forced itself open and Alex stepped inside. She smiled down at Michael and raised her knife, making the shining steel reflect the terrified look in Michael's eyes. "Hello, Mikey."

He forced a smile under his eyes. _Uh...hi, Alex. How have you been since earlier today when you tried to rape me?_

She giggled. "Good. How have you been?"

_A little uncomfortable to admit it. _He paused, wondered if he should, then thought, _Alex, I know that you put that bunny on the stove and killed it, but what I don't understand is why. _

"Because I love you, Mikey, I love you a lot, and sometimes love hurts." She said as she took a step nearer him with the knife. "And you ignored me. I will not be ignored, Michael, I will not be ignored!"

_But I don't like you! I don't even love you! You're fucking psycho! I thought that you were going to therapy!_

She nodded. "Yeah, I was until they tried to make my move out and away from you. I couldn't do that, because I love you, Michael, I love you..."

He shook his head and began to back away. _Please just leave me alone...I can give you crack. Do you want crack? I can give you weed, ecstasy, umm...acid, mushrooms, booze--_

From inside of the cabinet Ghostface piped up, "Moonshine!"

Michale frowned. _Moon—oh, fuck it. _Then he turned back to Alex and thought, _Yeah, moonshine too! I can give you anything you want, just as long as you leave me alone._

Alex's once bubbly smile faded and she turned her attention to the cabinet. "Who's hiding in there?"

Michael said nothing, but Ghostface dared to whisper, "No one, only the ghost of the late Barack Obama...fear me, as I go into small, roadside restaurants and demand change!"

Michael rolled his eyes. _Really? That has got to be the lames joke in the whole fucking world! He demanded change? Really?_

Alex ignored this and began to walk towards the cabinet, her knife raised and ready to strike. "But Barack Obama isn't dead, and why would he eat at restaurants when he has his own personal chef!" she howled as she opened the cabinet doors and looked inside.

Ghostface was completely doubled over and hiding in the back of the small cabinet. Upon seeing Alex standing there and a few rays of light penetrating the blinding darkness of his hiding place, he covered his eyes and said, "I'm not sure if I can breathe; can you help me out before you kill me?"

She nodded and pulled him out of the cramped space and onto the cool tile floor of the bathroom. "Of course I can! I'm a psycho girlfriend, not a bitch!"

Michael narrowed his eyes. _I'd beg to differ._

She turned back to him and smiled. "Oh, Michael, you're so _funny!"_

_ But I'm not joking; you really are a bitch._

This only made her laugh and put her curly hair behind her ears. "You have the best sense of humor, sweetie, but I guess that we can't really be together if he's still around, can we?" she turned and her eyes became dark when she stared at Ghostface.

He just shrugged and said, "What did I do?"

She didn't answer. Instead she just let out a wild scream and slashed at him with the knife. Ghostface let out a surprised squeak and managed to duck before his throat was sliced, but as he did so she backed away and stabbed at him once again. The knife sank deep into his arm and he let out a startling scream. Michael just stood there with wide eyes, looking utterly petrified as Alex turned back to him, her rage anew and impossible to calm.

"I will not be ignored, Michael, I will not be--"

_Leave me alone! _He thought as he dug his own kitchen knife out of his pocket and tried to stab her. He missed horribly, and Alex ripped the knife out of Ghostface's arm and began to cut away at him, staining the walls and floor of the bathroom red.

Ghostface rose to his feet and from his pocket he dug out a fully loaded pistol and aimed it at Alex. "Hey, Michael, get outta the way so I can have a clean shot!"

Michael glanced over at him and thought, _Okay, two questions: where the hell did you get a gun and how the hell can you expect me to move when she's got me pinned down in a corner?!_

"Not important and if you don't move I'll shoot you to, I don't care!"

Alex let out a scream and pushed Michael violently away and towards the bathtub. Michael caught himself and began to try and back away from her, but he lost his footing as he came in contact with the bathtub and fell in. Ghostface sighed and just as Alex raised her knife to deliver one final stab, he pulled the trigger.

Although the light seemed to completely drain from her eyes and the color from her face, she did not drop the knife, not even as a rose splotch of red spread from the center of her white dress and she fell into the tub. A second after she had fallen, Michael wriggled out from under her and crawled out of the bathtub, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his eyes wide and terrified.

He stared at Ghostface as he got to his feet, blood staining his jumpsuit, and thought, _I...you...what happened?_

"I shot her."

He nodded. "Yeah, but how? Where did you get the gun?"

Ghostface shrugged and laid the gun down on the back of the toilet. "I dunno. I never remember what I hide in my sleeves, so whenever I need something I just reach inside and see if I have anything useful. I guess that it payed off, huh?"

_Well yeah, but--_

The door burst open and Freddy ran in and looked around wildly. "Where is she? Is she dead? We heard a shot!"

Jason followed him inside as well, and upon seeing Alex lying face down in the bathtub he sighed. _What the hell...can't we leave you two alone for two seconds without you killing something?_

_ But she's freakin' psychotic! _Michael insisted as he staggered over to the door and leaned heavily on the frame, _She tried to kill me and Ghostface!_

"You act like that's a bad thing." Freddy commented as he timidly poked at Alex's corpse and smiled. "Ha, she's dead. What a bitch!"

"Don't touch her!" Ghostface hissed as he pushed Freddy away. "She might get resurrected or something."

Jason stared at him skeptically. _No, I don't think that that's possible for anyone except--_

Just as he began to say this Alex's eyes popped open and she jumped out of the bathtub and began hacking wildly around the room with her knife. Freddy backed away said, "Woah! Shoot he bitch!"

Ghostface desperately reached over for his gun, aimed it quickly, and pulled the trigger. Once again Alex fell to the ground, only this time she released the knife and took one last breath. Michael stared at her corpse for a second before letting a raspy breath pass his lips. His eyes rolled back into his head and he abruptly fell to the floor as well with a loud thud. Jason stared down at him and shook his head.

_Damn. I guess that I'm gonna have to fix that, huh?_

Freddy nodded as he nudged Alex's limp arm with his foot. "Yeah, and you'd getter get on it, and while you're at it, why not clean up all this blood? We don't want it to stain."

Ghostface, who had crawled over to where Michael lay utterly unconscious, pressed his fingers to his roommate's neck and tried to catch a pulse. "Are you guys kidding? Don't you realize just how bad this was for _him?!"_

Freddy shrugged and left the bathroom. "Don't know, don't care, just piss off and stay outta my life from now on; I'm sick of this fucking shit, and the next time that something like this happens I'm leaving all of you guys to find your own way out." and with that, he and Jason left the bathroom to do other things, leaving Michael and Ghostface alone with the corpse of Alex.

And with one shot from a gun and one bullet to the heart, it seemed that everything had gone back to the way it should be.

* * *

A/N

QUESTIONS...

Like I was saying before, if you have any questions at all about the _Scream For Me _series, you need to send them to me. I really don't care how stupid you think they are, I would just like to answer them in the next episode. I don't care if it's something as random as, 'Hey, are you seeing a therapist or something, because you need some fucking help for writing this,' or 'Is Ghostface really gay?' or, 'Who is more bad ass—Rocky or Rambo'. In fact, it really doesn't have to be about _Scream For Me _at all, it could just be some question that you want answered.

I don't care, just ask me. Nothing is off limits or too out there. Thanks for reading and much peace and love to you.


	34. Episode 32Unanswered Questions

Episode 32—Unanswered Questions

Answering all of the questions that you've ever wanted to know...that's right, _all _of them.

??WTF????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????WTF??

"This is gay."

"Yeah, well so are you, so shut up." Freddy said curtly.

"But I'm not gay!" Ghostface protested. Jason nodded.

_Of course you're not!_

He remained indignant. "I am not!"

_Why are we all sitting in a circle in the middle of the apartment again? _Michale thought, seemingly, like always, clueless.

"Because we've been living together for almost a year it seems and--"

_Actually we've been living together for seven months or so. _Jason corrected him.

Freddy frowned. "Hmm..." he said with a thoughtful frown. "Really?"

He nodded. _Uh, yeah, I think so._

"Well anyway," he continued, "we've been living in the same general area thingy--" he began waving his arms around, motioning to the apartment around them, "you know, like, the same relative location near each other--"

_Good phrase—relative location._

He smiled. "Yeah, I know, Myers. I guess that 9th grade Geography _did _teach me something after all. Anyway, after all of this time of us living together, don't you think that we should know each other a little better?"

"Yeah!" Ghostface agreed uncertainly, "But I don't really _want _to know any of you. I mean, don't get me wrong, if you guys were anyone besides yourselves I'd totally go for it, but I really don't even _like _you guys."

Jason nodded. _Yeah, for once I actually agree with Fuckface. This is stupid. I don't want to know you guys more than I already have to. Can't we just go to Taco Bell or something? _

"Yeah, I bet that you do like tacos, Voorhees." Freddy mumbled.

_What?_

"I said well that's just too bad!" he snapped at them, "We're sitting here because I have questions that need answering! I want answers!"

Michael nodded. _Yeah, me too! First off, I wanna know--_

"Yeah, that's a real nice thought, Myers, but it wasn't your turn yet," Freddy interrupted, "It's mine. Okay, first question goes to..."

Ghostface sighed. "Gee, I wonder who he'll ask." he said with false wonderment.

Freddy acted as if he hadn't spoken at all. "Fuckface."

He gasped in mock surprise. "Me?! I would've never guessed! What a surprise!"

Jason glared at him. _You know that this kind of stuff is the reason why nobody likes you._

"Enough!" Freddy howled. Everyone grew silent. "Okay, all that I really wanna know is whether or not you're a queer."

"Of course I'm not!" Ghostface said, "I've told you this before! What don't you understand?"

Jason narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. _Then why are you always talking about Michael like you do?_

He shrugged. "I dunno, I guess that it's really just because I'm bored and run out of cell phone minutes and I don't have any quarters for the public phones."

Michael frowned under his mask. _So you're a drug dealer and you don't have a few extra quarters?_

"Shut up!"

_If you don't have a quarter then why don't you ask someone to borrow one?_

"Why is your ass so fine and your hair so flowery-smelling?"

"Okay, Fuckface, that's all anyone wanted to know, so you can just chill out and--"

"Wait!" Ghostface suddenly cried, "I have a question!"

"Well too bad, because it's Jason's turn." Freddy glanced over at Jason, but he shook his head.

_No, I wanna see what he's gonna ask you first, Kruger._

Freddy's face fell. "But that's not allowed!"

_Since when are there rules to asking questions? _Michael asked.

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah, what Michael said! I wanna ask my question!"

"Well you can't!"

"Why not?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Because, stupid fuckfaces aren't allowed to ask questions. It's against the rules!"

Michael: _Oh, c'mon, Kruger! We let you ask your dumb ass question and it made everyone in the room uncomfortable! Let him ask his!_

Jason shook his head at this. _No, it was pretty much only you that felt uncomfortable._

Michael glared at him. _After Fuckface's question I've got one._

Freddy sighed. "Okay, okay. Fuckface, ask your question."

Ghostface nodded excitedly. "Okay, this question is for you, Kruger!"

He rolled his eyes. "How did I ever guess?"

Ghostface ignored him and continued. "What I want to know is why you call me me Fuckface all the time and how you thought of it to begin with."

Freddy frowned. "What kind of gay ass question is that?"

Jason: _Just answer the question so we can move on._

"Okay! Jeez! Well..." he paused to think. "...I guess it was just the first name that I could think of."

Michael seemed skeptical. _So, like, the first time that Ghostface opened his mouth--_

_ Watch it Myers! _Jason thought warningly. _We don't want a lawsuit on our hand because you have poor word choice._

_ --and spoke, the first think that that popped into your mind was, 'What a fuckface'?_

He nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. That and he was a gay pussy-fag, but I don't see a problem with any of that."

That didn't satisfy Ghostface. "But that doesn't even tell me why nobody in this fucking apartment likes me!"

"Well I thought that it was quite obvious; you are a whining ass hole. Anyway, next question!" Freddy proclaimed.

Jason raised his hand. _Okay, now it's my turn! I want to ask--_

"But I have another question!" Ghostface suddenly blurted. Jason glared at him.

_Well that sucks for you because it's my turn. Anyways, like I was saying, my question is for __Myers._

_ Me? I thought that you were just joking a second ago when you glared at me...oh well. How bad could it be? Do your worst, Voorhees._

Under his hockey mask Jason grinned. _Okay, Myers. The question that I want you to answer is this—what is 2 + 2?_

Michael thought about it for a second and shrugged. _How the hell am I supposed to figure that out? I mean, do you have a dictionary or something?_

Freddy frowned. "Don't you mean a calculator?"

"Why would you need a calculator to answer what 2 + 2 is anyway?" Ghostface wondered aloud.

He stared at him incredibly. _How would you not need a calculator to answer that? It's fucking hard!_

Jason tried very hard to stifle a laugh. _I rest my case._

Michael frowned. _What 'case'?_

He rolled his eyes. _The one that proves that you are an absolute idiot!_

_ Am not!_

_ Then answer the question!_

_ Which one?_

_ The one that I just asked you!_

Michael hesitated, let his eyes dart around the circle of killers, before silently admitting, _I can't._

"Wow, Myers." Freddy said, "you really are dumb."

_Am not! _He protested, _it's just that I've spend most of my life in a mental hospital, and even for those few years that I was in school, I didn't learn as much as you guys._

"And why is that?" Ghostface inquired.

Michael thought, _C'mon, it was the 1970s! Teachers were still trying to get back the brain cells that they lost during the 60s all while still sneaking into discos at night. The school system wasn't at its best back then!_

Freddy frowned. "I've never thought about it like that."

Everyone was silent for a moment before Jason thought, _But that's no excuse! You can't tell me __that they never thought you addition in school! That is the dumbest thing that I've ever--  
_

"Okay, now if Voorhees would kindly shut the fuck up, Myers, it's your turn." Freddy said. Jason scoffed.

_But why can't I ask another quick quest--_

"Because I couldn't and neither can you." Ghostface snapped before turning to Michael. "Hurry up and ask your fucking question."

Michael nodded and clapped his hands together. He looked first from Ghostface to Jason then back to Ghostface. _Yeah, I've got a question. Ghostface do you--_

_ But I thought that you were going to ask me something! _Jason thought sulkily. Michael just seemed perplexed by this. He sighed and rolled his eyes. _But you...oh, never mind. Just ask your question.  
_

_ Okay, I will. Ghostface, what do you--_

"Hey, I've got a question." Freddy suddenly said, "Why the fuck is Voorhees such a prick?"

_Well why are you such a--_

_ Hey, no fair! It's my turn!_

"Then take it!" Ghostface insisted as he took a cigarette out of his sleeve and and lit it.

_ Well I'm trying, it's just that everybody else won't--_

_ Wow, yeah, it's totally everybody else's problem that you can't be assertive enough to just think, 'Hey, shut the fuck up so that I can think what I need to'. Yeah, that's totally our problem. _Jason thought bitterly. Michael nodded.

_Yeah, pretty much. I mean, it's obviously not mine, so..._

"Just ask your question, pansy." Freddy said at last.

He nodded and thought, _Okay, well I wanna ask you—Ghostface--_

Ghostface exhaled a breath of smoke and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay. We've already established that fact, now just ask your question so we can move on."

Michael hesitated before continuing, as if he was silently weighing out his options; should he ask this? Ultimately he decided that it really didn't matter much, and after all, he truly did want to know the answer...

_ Why do you like me so much? I mean, no one in my life has ever really shown me much love, and I really don't think that I'm so awesome...I guess I just don't get why anyone would love me._

Ghostface shook his head at this question and laughed. "Okay, first off, I don't 'love' you, but what you don't seem to understand is that you _are _special...or at least you are to me."

Freddy groaned and covered his ears. "Gay, gay, gay!!!"

Jason thought nothing and just stared from Ghostface to Michael, an odd glimmer in his eyes. Michael just looked down at the floor. _Okay, then. I just still don't get why you're always on my case and stuff._

Ghostface shrugged. "I guess it's just because—well, I'm just gonna be 100% honest here and say that you're pretty much like a chick, and whenever I squint my eyes I guess you just kinda look like one of those chicks with, like, an Ellen DeGeneres haircut. You know the kind, like before she cut it too short and it just went from, 'okay, she's obviously into other chicks' to 'holy fuck balls, she's a dyke'."

Freddy opened his mouth to protest, but ended up nodding instead. "Yeah, I can see that, and besides that, you're, like, always almost shit-faced, so I mean, it must get kinda confusing after a while. I mean, you literally must have one brain cell left, right?"

But Michael himself shook his head in protest. _No way! I do not act or look feminine!_

Jason stifled a laugh and began picking at his blackened rotting nails distractedly. _Dude, you smell like flowers, okay? Just give it up._

_ But that's my shampoo!_

Ghostface didn't back down. He just laughed and said, "Yeah, you use freakin' Herbal Essence berry tea and orange flower, although I'm not complaining. It does smell like Jesus himself." and as if to prove this, he reached forward and pressed his nose to Michael's scalp. "Mmmm...flowery and delicious..." he paused and everyone stared at him expectantly until he whispered in Michael's ear, "Just like your ass."

_Eww! Gross, get off! _And Michael reached forward and tried to push Ghostface away, but he wouldn't leave. Instead he wrapped his arms around Michael's torso and shook his head.

"Oh come on, can't I at least sit _next _to you?"

Jason glared at him. _No, because I'm sitting here—in case you haven't noticed, Myers hates you. Just leave him alone and let him sit next to me._

"Well aren't we defensive when it comes to who sits next to Myers, Voorhees?" Freddy commented as he reached over and took Ghostface's abandoned cigarette and put it to his lips. "Seems to me like both of you have a thing for him, and it's really startin' to...what's it that Luchesi and Juliek say? Harsh my mellow? Yeah, that's it." and he let out a smoky breath and leaned back.

"Well they're always together!" Ghostface protested as he released Michael and crossed his arms like a defiant child. Suddenly he gasped and held up his hand. "Hey, I got another question!"

Freddy rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Okay, okay, I wanna know--"

_Nu-uh, no way, _Jason thought as he pushed Ghostface away from Michael and towards his original spot, _It's been my turn for, like, the past two hours!_

Michael scoffed and snatched the cigarette from Freddy's hand. He began to smoke it himself and thought, _Yeah, that totally makes sense considering that we've only been doing this for what seems like the past ten minutes or so._

_ How about you shut up, because my question is for Ghostface. Okay, so what I want to know is this: remember that time that we had to go and kill It for good?_

Ghostface nodded. "Yep. Sure do."

_And we had to go down in the Derry sewers and stab It when It was in It's spider form...did I say that right? When It was in It's...anyway, do you remember that?_

Another nod and, "Uh-huh."

_Okay, well then I'm sure you remember that one point in the whole battle thing where you tried to distract Pennywise/It so that we could have a clean shot with It?_

"Okay. Where's all this leading to?"

_To the part where you got bit by It, your shoulder got injected with It's venom, and I ask you this; what the hell ever became of that? I mean, how can you still be living after being shot with enough venom to kill a normal human—and you are most definitely something below a normal human—and still be alive?_

Michael thought about this and nodded. _Yeah, I've been wondering about that too! What's up with that? I would've been dead right there._

There was a long pause, and no one dared to speak, not even Ghostface. Freddy glared over at him and snapped, "Well? Give us an answer. How the hell are you still alive?"

He finally let out a sigh. "I...I don't know. Well, I mean, I still do have a scar thingy and everything, but--"

Freddy raised a brow. "But that only happened a couple of weeks ago, right?"

Ghostface nodded. "Uh, yeah, I think so."

"And it's already healed and is a..._scar?"_

It took a second for this to sink in, but once it had Ghostface let out a yell of protest and raised his middle finger at Freddy. "Oh, fuck you if you wanna be bitter about the fact that I'm a quick healer."

Jason shook his head at this. _No, I still don't think that that's possible. I mean, maybe a year or so, but a few weeks? After all, Pennywise or It or whatever did chomp down on you pretty hard and all, __and it did seem like his venom could pretty much burn through flesh..._

"How would you know?!" Ghostface yelled defensively, "It's not like any of you have shown concern until now anyway!"

Michael thought, _I guess that we just haven't cared enough to ask._

"Well just to shut you all up it is pretty bad." he admitted. Freddy perked up.

"How bad?"

Ghostface pulled up his shirt and exposed his bitten shoulder. Everyone in the room let out shouts of protest at the sight—the skin around the wound had been completely eaten away, revealing red and rotting flesh. Ghostface poked at it and let out a hiss of pain as the wound began to ooze blood. Freddy put his hand over his mouth and looked away from the disgusting spectacle before him.

"Oh my fucking God...that's _sick!"_

Jason immediately got up and hurried to the bathroom, but Michael just sat there staring at Ghostface with wide eyes. _Can I...poke it?_

"Myers!" Freddy yelled in disgust, "That's fucking gross!"

But as soon as Michael had thought this, Ghostface's air of pain had melted away into excitement as he nodded and said, "Oh, you can poke any part of me that you want, Myers."

Freddy, who was an inch away from being sick—because you can really measure a person's health by centimeters and inches—got to his feet and mumbled, "I think that we need a quick break."

* * *

Once everyone had managed to get control over themselves, everyone went and sat back in the circle. Ghostface put his shirt back on,—much to everyone's relief—Michael promised Freddy that he wouldn't 'lead Ghostface on any more', and Jason stopped vomiting.

"Okay," Freddy said as he distractedly clinked his metal claws together, "I think that we're just about ready to wrap up this little festival of 3 days of peace & music, but before we do does anyone have any more questions? Any more at all, because we're never, ever going to bring them up again."

Jason rolled his eyes and began rapping his fingers against the table. _Yeah right, like we're never going to point out the stupidity of our lives again. This is useless!_

"We've already established that this is useless and stupid," Ghostface mumbled irritably, "yet Kruger still won't let us be."

"That's because I have one last question." Freddy announced before turning to Michael. "And it's for you."

He stifled a groan. _Oh, goody. Lucky me! _He thought sarcastically as he cleaned his nails with his kitchen knife. _Well what is it? Let's just get it over with, and before you ask, no, I do knot no what 2 + 2 is._

"Well it's not about that, it's about--"

_Hold up! _Jason thought suddenly as he turned his attention to Michael as well. _What did you just say?_

_ Well technically I thought it. I didn't say anything._

_ Well what was it, whatever it was?_

He thought back and shrugged. _I dunno, something about how I don't no what 2 + 2 is, so don't ask me._

Jason nodded. _Yeah, that's what I thought you said._

Everyone stared at him oddly. "So..." Freddy questioned, "...is that..._it?"_

He nodded again and thought, _Yeah, pretty much. I'm good. Its just that I thought that I herd something weird their, butt I guess that eye wasn't write._

Under his mask Ghostface frowned and raised a finger. "No, that is _so _grammatically incorrect."

Freddy frowned. "Yeah, how's that?"

"Well he--"

"Exactly, I thought so." and he turned back to Michael. "Okay, my question is this; remember that time that you got hooked on that Thorazine crap?"

He nodded. _Yeah. Why?_

"Well it's just that I don't really see you shooting it up regularly, so I was just wondering if you still take it or whatever."

_Well duh. If I didn't I would die._

Jason thought glumly, _Yeah, and we all don't want that to happen. Heaven forbid._

_ Shut up! _Michael glared at him.

"Yeah, yeah, you can both have your little cat fight later, but now answer my question," Freddy said insistently.

_I just did!_

He shook his head. "That wasn't it. What I really wanted to ask is why in the hell the medicine that's supposed to make your brain better would fuck up your heart and kill you. I never really understood that."

Michael thought about it then shrugged. _I dunno. Ask Fuckface._

Ghostface, who had been drifting off in a world of his own, mumbled dazedly, "Yeah, I'd let you fuck my face..."

Freddy narrowed his eyes and snapped at him, "Fuckface! Wake up!"

Ghostface gave a start and looked around. "Huh? What the fuck?! Oh, yeah. The question game. What do you want, Kruger?"

"I don't get why Myers' meds effect him they way they do. Why would they fuck up his heart and kill them if they're supposed to help him?"

He frowned. "How do you expect me to know that? Do you think that I'm some kind of doctor or something?"

Jason sighed. _We're not getting anywhere with this..._

_ Shut up! Nobody asked you, Jason!_

_ Well it's not like you're actually helping, Myers. _

Michael glared at him, but ultimately decided that his energy would be better spent glaring down Ghostface. _Well? Answer the question!_

"I don't know! I'm no doctor, but I'd venture to guess that it had something to do with his blood or something."

Freddy scoffed. "His _blood? _In what world does that make sense?"

"Like I said, I'm no doctor." Ghostface said in a clueless way before turning to the others and chiming cheerfully, "Next question!"

There was a moment of silence before Jason thought, _I'm good. I don't have anything that I'd like to add._

_ I do! _Michael thought before turning to Jason and asking, _Okay, remember that one time where we were back in the 60s and you were trying to get me away from those hippies?_

He shrugged. _Yeah, I guess. How long ago was that again?_

_ Not important! What I want to know is--_

"Yeah," Ghostface suddenly piped up, "that's a question." then he turned to Freddy and asked, "What about that whole time difference thing?"

_Guys, I have a question!_

Freddy ignored Michael and nodded. "Yeah, what?"

"Well don't you think that it's weird that we could take one bus to get from here to Elm Street, to Camp Crystal Lake, my home then Haddonfield? Also, remember that time that we went to save Myers on Halloween night?"

He nodded. "Yeah, and we got there and back by the next morning! It was the same for the time that Loomis arrested him and sent him to Smith's Grove then Haddonfield for a trial...huh, pretty weird, huh?"

Through all of this Michael thought, _Hey! You guys! I--_

Freddy frowned. "I wonder how that works...what do you think?"

"I'm clueless. That's why I asked you."

"Well I--"

_JASON TRIED TO RAPE ME IN 1967!!! _

And everyone, including Jason, turned to stare at Michael oddly. _No, I honestly don't remember that at all._

Freddy let out a bark of laughter and exclaimed, "I knew it, I knew it!!! Oh my fucking God, I knew it, I swear to God!"

Jason shook his head and thought, _No, I swear that I didn't..._ and he glared at Michael. _What the hell are you talking about?_

Michael thought shyly, _Well you did try to hold my hand and all..._

_ You are an idiot!_

_ At least I'm not a rapist._

Ghostface just sat there with his head in his hands, muttering to himself, "How in the fuck did I ever get wrapped up into this? Can I move out yet?"

"Shut up! Everyone just shut up!" Freddy howled. Everyone grew silent and stared at him expectantly. He sighed, took a deep breath and, "Okay, here's the deal. I've just decided to come to terms with the fact that nothing in our lives even comes close to making the least amount of sense, so why question it?"

Michael: _We question it because I'm sick of living in a place where I have no clue what's happening. _

"Well you're obviously an idiot." Freddy said curtly as he rose to his feet and went into the kitchen. "I mean, you don't even know what 2 + 2 is!"

_I told you it's because--_

"It's because you're a straight up idiot." Ghostface snapped as he also got to his feet and made his way over to the couch. "Fuck it, I'm out of it. I quit, and I'm never saying another word ever again—around here it just seems to get you into trouble."

Jason rolled his eyes and got up as well. _Yeah, sure. We'll just see how long that promise lasts._

_ I give it an hour. _Michael thought.

_Nah, I give it 11 minutes...wait, why am I even paying attention to you anyway? I hate you._

Michael glared at him. _Then why are you still talking to me?_

"Why don't the both of you shut the fuck up already?" Freddy asked as he dug a beer out of the fridge. "Just shut the fuck up and don't talk or think if you don't want to. I'm sick of everyone just bitching out and then being cool with it in a few hours. If you hate someone, don't just say it and then go back to being all cool, it's just annoying." and as he took a sip of the beer and sighed, he couldn't help but think, _Jesus Christ, I'm starting to sound almost smart...maybe I should get out more...like maybe to somewhere in rural Nebraska. Now that's an idea!_

He smiled and distractedly tapped the beer can with a finger. "Yeah, that's a hell of an idea..."

Ghostface looked over, but true to his word he didn't speak. Instead he thought, _What? What's a hell of an idea?_

Freddy glared over at him and threw his beer can at his head. Ghostface ducked, but wasn't quick enough; the can hit him on the side of his mask, spilling beer all over the couch._ Hey, you asshole! I hate you!_

"Ah, shut up and get your stuff together. We're going to Nebraska."

??WTF????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????WTF??

Yeah, I'll give you one hint—or maybe two depending on how you count it...

_**Children**_

_** Corn**_

That's it. Anyway, as always LOVE, PEACE, & HIPPIENESS.

^_^


	35. Episode 33Remembering Michael

Episode 33—Remembering Michael

_Michael recalls various memories from his childhood; for all of you Michael Myers fans out there like me. _^_^

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

**Halloween night, 1963, after the discovery of Judith Myers' murder by her younger brother, Michael…**

Dr. Loomis stared into the empty eyes of the little, six-year-old boy. They were soulless, black, empty.

Cold.

He cleared his throat and asked in a quiet sort of voice, "Michael, why won't you speak to me? Why won't you tell me why you murdered your sister?"

Michael said nothing, didn't move a muscle of show any sign of life. The boy just sat in his chair, his hands in his lap, thinking, _Because you're an asshole, Doc Loomis. I hate you._

Thankfully Loomis couldn't hear his thoughts, though, because he just sighed and said, looking down at his feet, "Michael, we know you did it. We know you killed Judith, so why don't you just stop wasting both our time and tell us?"

_Who's US? _He thought to himself, _You and the whole Haddonfield Police Department? My parents? No thanks._

When the boy remained silent Dr. Loomis sighed, rubbed his too tired eyes, and said, somewhat snappishly, "Don't toil with me, boy! I have the evidence against you and the witnesses! Don't make us take you to court on this!"

Michael remained silent, but now he stared at Loomis with those horrible, cold eyes. He shrugged and said one of the last things that he would say to anybody. He said loudly and clearly, "Fuck you and all you stand for, idiot."

And he smiled as Dr. Loomis nodded, got out of his seat, and said right back, "You," he said, pointing straight at him, "are going to jail for the rest of your life." And he walked out of the room, leaving Michael to just sit there and think to himself, to talk to himself…

_They're all the real idiots, _he thought with a small grin on his face, _They're the stupid ones if they think they can keep me in here forever…I'll get out. I'll do ANYTHING to get out, even if it involves living with a bunch of weirdoes in some age-old apartment somewhere in Texas. I'll get out…_

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

**Two days later…**

"Mikey, my little ray of sunshine! How are you doing today?" Michael's mother asked as she hurried into the room where he was being held in. She hurried over to him, her arms open wide. Michael's lips curled in disgust as he recoiled and tried to distance himself from her as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as hard as she could.

"Oh, I've missed you so much! I love you, I love you, I love you!" his mother squealed as she rocked Michael back and forth in her arms, making him silently gag.

_Lord, just kill me now, _he thought. When his mother didn't respond to this, he was pleased.

He had learned many days ago that it was often best to keep your words to yourself and just think out your frustrations rather than verbalize them. This way you wouldn't get in trouble and no one would yell at you or send you to bed without supper like his father had done at home…but perhaps this was better than his mother's hug, which was threatening to smother him and break his spine. He pulled away, glaring at his mother in disgust.

_Stupid bitch, _he thought as he sat back in his chair. His mother sat down beside him, smiling brightly. Her eyes showed different emotions, though—pain, stress, and, perhaps ultimately, fear. Fear of Michael and everything that he had done to uproot and tear apart her life. Fear of what might become of him, her only remaining child—she had given Lori, Michael's younger sister, away to some other foster family, for fear of her safety. Now all that remained in the Myers household was a very disgruntled mother and a father that believed that the best punishment for his son's actions of murder was a good three-week sentence without food.

Michael couldn't help but smile at this. Never in his life had he ever dreamed that he would have been able to cause such pain, and he had to admit that he actually sort of liked it. If anything, it was rather amusing to bask in his mother's attention.

"Have they been treating you okay, Mikey? Because if they haven't your Uncle Scarface is a great lawyer! We could sue…" her voice trailed off as he waited for his response.

Michael merely shook his head and thought sarcastically, _Yeah, if you call verbal abuse and a meal a day good living conditions._

His mother's face fell slightly and she frowned. "Damn! Why couldn't you have said yes, Mikey! I wanted to have a damn lawsuit!" and she patted him on his head and said, "Remember that mommy always says that no matter what you do, mommy will always be ready to sue."

_Nice rhyme, bitch. Who do you think you are? Doctor Seuss? _Michael thought distractedly as his mother leaned forward and hugged him again. Although he usually refrained from speaking, now he made an exception with the carefully chosen words of, "Mother, I can't breathe."

And she released him immediately; tears making her eyes seem overly bright and shimmering. "Oh! You _can _talk! All of those stupid bitch nurses said that you lost your ability to speak! Oh, your father will be so happy!"

Michael's eyes grew wide as he asked, "Him? You brought _him?!"_

As if to answer this question a man came striding into the room. He wore a crisp suit, and as he sat down at the table where Michael and his mother were, he looked down and glanced at his watch. He nudged his wife, saying impatiently, "You said that I could wait in the car, but you've taken long than we agreed on."

She laughed at this as though it was some cute little joke, saying, "Oh, dear, it's not even been five minutes!"

He grumbled and narrowed his eyes at Michael, with the cool greeting of, "Son."

And Michael rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't say anything until his mother looked up and exclaimed, "Oh, Dr. Loomis! How wonderful to see you! Isn't it a lovely day?"

The doctor shrugged and said, "I haven't been outside today. Neither has your son."

She frowned and raised her eyebrows. "Why's that?"

Her husband sighed and rested his head in his hand. He said tiredly, "Because, he stabbed Judith multiple times, dear! With a knife! Why would they let someone like that walk around outside?"

She scoffed and reached for Michael's hand, but when he recoiled she didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around him and force him to her bosom. She squeezed him to her so tightly that his face began to redden. "It must've been her fault, though! She said something that made my little Mikey mad, didn't she?" she asked her son. He let out a ragged breath.

"Mother, I can't—"

"Mrs. Myers, your son may not see the light of day for sometime yet," Loomis said, lacing his fingers together. "He did kill his sister. This is the worst crime that Haddonfield has seen in years. It's likely that we'll hold him in custody until he's at least eighteen years old then fry him in the chair."

There was a brief moment of silence before Michael's mother sighed, released her son, and said, "Oh my, that doesn't seem fair at all, does it, Mik—"

But Michael had collapsed onto the floor, his face as red as a tomato, his breathing rapid and gasping. "I...hate..._hugs..."_

Suddenly Dr. Loomis jumped out of his seat, pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket, and aimed it at Michael, yelling, "Stay where you are! No sudden movements!"

Michael ignored him, got to his feet, and took a pen out of his pocket. The three adults stared at him, Loomis with his gun poised and ready, but none of them were prepared as he lunged forward and stabbed his father between the shoulders with the exclamation of, "I hate you!"

The pen sank deep into his flesh before Michael was able to pull it out and be ripped away by Dr. Loomis. His mother just sat in her seat frowning. Michael allowed himself to be dragged away by two nurses, both of whom were screaming as Michael's father dropped to the ground. His mother just stared at her husband with fear in her eyes as she knelt down next to his unconscious body.

"Darling? Sweetie, are you okay?"

Dr. Loomis rose to his feet with a smile, muttering under his breath, "Now I see where he gets his intelligence from...or lack there of." and then he put his hand on her shoulder and urged her to her feet. "Mrs. Myers, perhaps it is time that you go home." and he turned to walk away to where the nurses had taken Michael, but she stopped him with a simple question.

"Same time next week, right?"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

**Two weeks before Michael murdered his sister, during his math class...**

"Michael? Michael Myers, answer the question!"

Michael looked up from his doodling in his notebook, his eyebrows raised, his face clueless. "Ma'am?"

His teacher sighed. She stood in the front of the classroom, her chalk-powdered hand pointing to a problem on the board. "Michael, answer the equation, please."

He shrugged. "I dunno."

She frowned. "What don't you know? It's a simple problem!"

"Well I don't know how to do it, ma'am."

She rolled her eyes and held out a stick of chalk. "Michael Myers, do not play stupid with me."

"But I'm not—"

"Come to this chalkboard and answer the problem."

"But I don't know _how _to!"

"Michael! Don't make me tell the students what your full name is!"

He looked down at his paper—which was full of doodlings of bloody corpses, most notably the body of his teacher—then sighed. He got out of his seat, realizing that there was no way out of his impending humiliation, and walked slowly up to the board, ignoring the jeers and curses of his other classmates.

He didn't take the stick of chalk from his teacher, though. Instead he said quietly, "Ma'am, I don't know what to do to solve it."

His teacher frowned and said, "Why, you only have to add!" when he didn't show any sign of realization she sighed heavily once more and said, "Just add 2 + 2!"

Michael hesitated before admitting, "I...I can't really do that, ma'am. I don't know how...unless you have a calculator, then—"

"Why would you need a calculator to add 2 + 2?!" she asked. The rest of the students in the class didn't bother to hide their laughter as Michael's face blushed horribly.

"I don't know how to do that! I...I'm really confu..." and as he watched one of his classmates point at him and laugh, he hurried out the door, saying "I need to get some water and go to the bathroom. I'll be a while."

His teacher didn't try to stop him as he went out, but the boy who had been laughing at him shouted after him, "Michael Myers is the biggest retard in the whole school!" and he flung a pair of very large, very sharp scissors at him. They lodged themselves in the wall where Michael's left shoulder had been moments before. The other kids laughed. The teacher did not.

She shook her head at him and said, "Now, Jimmy, if you're going to make fun of someone until they cry and try to kill them with a flying projectile, make sure to use their full name; Michael _Audrey_ Myers." and then she let the students all have a good laugh before slapping the chalkboard and snapping, "Now back to work!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

**One week before Michael murdered his sister, while he was walking to class...**

"Jesus Christ, that kid is so fucking gay."

Michael looked up and glared over at a kid who was leaning leisurely on a nearby doorway, talking to another boy. "Why are you staring at me like that, Myers? I didn't say anything to you, you freak." the boy said, making the other kid laugh. Michael just shrugged and continued to walk down the hall.

The boys continued laughing, but Michael continued walking until he felt a hand grip his shoulder and whirl him around. It was the boy, glaring down at him, his body tense and ready for a fight.

"You got somethin' to say to me, Myers?"

Michael shrugged out of the boy's grip and thought up something to say. "Yeah, I do. Why don't you just fuck off and leave me alone?"

The boy's face fell and was overtaken by a look of utter shock. Next to him his friend's mouth fell open. "Wh...what did you just say to me?" he asked.

"I said fuck off, I don't need you or your shit." and he made a move to walk away, but let out a loud yelp of pain as the boy's fist collided with the side of his face, making his eyes water and his ears ring.

As soon as the boy punched Michael, other kids from all grades came running out into the hall, their eyes wide. The teachers made no hurry to break the boys up. Why? Because teachers are evil people who teach math, that's why.

But it didn't matter, because as soon as Michael went down he grabbed a pair of scissors from his pencil case and stabbed the boy in the leg, making him fall to the ground and howl.

"Ow! No fair, Myers! Ow, teacher! Teacher!"

A fifth grade math teacher hurried to help the boy, asking, "Where did he stab you? Are you hurt?"

The boy glared at her. "In the leg, you idiot! Can't you see the scissors sticking out of my fucking leg?"

The little boy's friend just took one look at Michael, then turned and ran down the hall, waving his arms wildly in the air and shouting, "I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!"

The teacher carried the other boy to the office while one escorted Michael to the principal's office to await punishment. As soon as Michael sat down in the office the secretary behind the counter looked at him, sighed, and rolled her eyes. She got up and said, "Yeah, yeah, I'll get the principal. What'd you do now, Myers?"

"I stabbed a boy in the leg." he admitted, looking down at his shoes. She nodded and walked away.

In a few seconds the principal came striding out of his office, motioning for Michael to follow him. "Come along, son. We've already called your parents. They should be here shortly."

Five minutes later Michael's parents showed up, both looking very stressed. His mother sat down in a seat opposite the principal and asked, "What did my little Mikey do?"

Michael's father just rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. "A better question would be how long he's suspended for."

Michael just glared at him and said almost proudly, "I stabbed a boy in the leg with a pair of scissors."

His mother beamed at him and hugged him. "Oh, my little ray of sunshine! The new blue ones that I bought you last week after you broke the past pair trying to gouge out that other boy's eyes?"

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

His father let out a sigh of exasperation and slapped his forehead. "Good God, where have we gone wrong?!"

The principal watched this with an odd look in his eyes until finally he said, "Mrs. Myers, what is the state of Michael's current mental health?"

She shrugged. "Fine, I suppose. Why do you ask?"

"Because he _stabbed _a boy, ma'am."

Her grin faltered as she said, "Well, the boy must've done something to deserve it, if you ask me." and she shook her head and said to him, "You know, you and the teachers are always trying to pin problems onto Mikey, saying that he's the child in the wrong, when actually it's all the other child's fault." and she hugged her son again, saying brightly, "My little Mikey Myers has never done a bad thing in his life!"

"I'd beg to differ..." Michael's father mumbled. She ignored him and rose to her feet, holding her son's hand.

"May we go now?"

The principal nodded. "Yes, but just don't send him on the bus for the next few weeks; we're suspending him for a while."

"He's suspended?!" Michael's mother asked. "But why?!"

Michael's father just shook his head and grabbed Michael's had from his wife's grip. He jerked him towards the door, hissing, "Let's go, you." and he led Michael out of the principal's office. Michael's mother followed, still looking clueless and angry.

"Just remember, Mikey, just remember that mommy loves you very much." she said as she caught up to her husband and led her son out of the school. "Just remember that mommy loves her little Mikey Myers so much...just remember that...remember...Mikey...Michael...Michael..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Michael?! Myers, what the fuck is going on with you today?" Freddy howled as he knelt down next to Michael and waved a hand in front of his face in a failing effort to get his attention.

Michael's eyes were glazed over and aloof, his whole body rigid and tense. As Ghostface plopped down onto the sofa, a bowl of chips in his arms, he said, "Maybe he's high."

Freddy glared at him. "Off of what, dipshit?"

He thought for a minute then shrugged and turned the volume up on the T.V. "Oh, I dunno. Contact high, maybe? Maybe he smelled the weed I smoked this morning and got high."

Jason sat down next to Michael and rolled his eyes, thinking, _Not likely. _And he elbowed Michael. _Hey, anyone in there? You okay, Myers?_

Suddenly Michael blinked and shook himself; he looked around wildly, his black eyes shining with confusion. _What? Huh? _He thought this as if he had been startled from a dream. Freddy scoffed and took his place on the couch.

"You were high, you bitch." he said as he tried to get the remote away from Ghostface, yelling, "I'm _not _watching another _Lifetime_ movie, motherfucker! Give me the remote!"

Michael just sat there, his arms crossed limply over his chest. Jason frowned under his hockey mask and thought, _Are you okay?_

He nodded numbly. _Yeah...I...I guess so..._

_What were you thinking about?_

Michael hesitated for a moment then weakly shrugged. _I don't know..._

He thought this even though silently in his head he was mulling over every memory from his childhood that he had, searching from some escape. Searching for some way out of his own personal hell, which, by any other name may be called Wimbleton Apartments.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why? Because we all love Michael Myers, that's why.

Reviews are _always _appreciated, and thanks to those who have already done so. As always,

PEACE

LOVE

& HIPPIENESS


	36. Episode 34The Blair Witch Incident

Episode 34—The Blair Witch Incident

* * *

_In October of 1994, three student filmmakers  
__disappeared in the woods near Burkittsville,  
__Maryland while shooting a documentary. _

_A year later their footage was found..._

_Okay, well not really. This isn't about them at all.  
__In fact, the real intro to this story goes like this:_

_In June of 2012, four horror movie slashers/idiots  
__almost killed themselves in the woods near Burkittsville,  
__Maryland while sticking their noses where they didn't belong...  
__As usual._

_A few weeks later I wrote this episode of Scream For Me..._

"All these fucking vacations that you make us take are gay."

"Shut your mouth, Fuckface. Myers needs to work hard to concentrate."

From his spot behind the wheel of the Winnebago, Michael glared at Freddy and thought irritably, _I am a good driver! I've had lessons!_

_Please, _Jason thought, _that's like me saying that I'm a good driver because I've seen people jack cars and try to drive away from me; it's not a good excuse!_

_It's not meant to be an excuse, idiot, _Michael thought, _it's a preposition. Jesus, you're stupid._

_Of course, Michael. It's a preposition, alright. I'm the stupid one._

_I just said that, idiot!_

Jason rolled his eyes. _Well if you wanna get technical about it, we don't speak. We think._

"Okay, okay, ladies!" Freddy exclaimed. "We all get that you two have a thing for each other, so just shut your mouths!"

"How about we turn on the radio?" Ghostface suggested. Freddy nodded, eager to make Michael and Jason shut up.

"Yeah, good idea for once, Fuckingidiotface."

"Was that really called for?" he asked as he switched on the radio and turned up the volume.

Freddy nodded. "Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure that it was." Then the song _Bad Romance _began playing. Freddy groaned and covered his hears. "Son of a bitch!" he tried to switch it off, but Ghostface slapped his hand away from it.

"No way, I love this song!"

Jason thought moodily, _Fine, we'll listen to it, just don't start singing along to i-_

"Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance!"

Michael, who had really been trying to focus his small attention span on the road, ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrated way. _Make him shut up! I can't concentrate on concentrating!_

_Yeah, shut the damn thing off!_

"Shut up, Voorhees! Nobody asked you!" Freddy howled as he stabbed Ghostface in the throat with his claws. The slasher gagged and became abruptly silent. "See? Now _that's _how you shut a bitch up."

Jason stared at him for a long moment before shaking his head and thinking, _Kruger, just what in the hell is the matter with you, anyway?_

He shrugged as he switched the radio station. "I dunno. I guess I just...oh no!" he exclaimed as a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo began playing. Ghostface managed to weakly gasp and pull Freddy's claws out of his throat.

_I can't concentrate! _Michael thought warningly as the Winnebago swerved dangerously off the road. Freddy hurriedly changed it to yet another station, much to Ghostface's dismay.

"Respect the classics, man! It's Hendrix!"

"Ah, go take a fucking shower, you hippie bitch." Freddy commented as he sighed and reclined back in his seat next to Michael. The seat fell back on Jason, who logically should have been sitting in the front, because he was the tallest. But do we use sense in _Scream For Me? _No we don't! Because I'm just too bad ass to use any sense.

Anyway, Jason glared down at Freddy and unsheathed his machete. _Move your chair back up before I get pissed._

"Oh yeah, and threatening somebody with a machete doesn't count as being pissed, does it?"

_You've got five seconds._

Freddy glared at him. "Fuck you, bitch."

_Five, four, three, two, one! _Jason thought quickly. Before Freddy could even react to this, he had a machete sticking out his stomach. He narrowed his eyes at Jason.

"Now you have to get it back."

Ghostface, who was sitting to Jason's left in the back seat, groaned in exasperation. "Just give him back the machete and move your seat before Michael loses his concentration and we all die."

"Oh, but didn't you know? I love laying in Voorhees' lap." Freddy said sarcastically as he reached for the button on his seat that would adjust it. He found it and shot back up into his sitting position, his arms crossed. "This is gay. Louisiana is boring!"

"Are you even sure we've gotten there yet?" Ghostface inquired as he dug for the map amongst the trash that littered the floor of the van. Jason found it and peered at it. Under his mask he frowned.

_It says that we're in...well that can't be right, can it?_

Michael tried to look at the map in the rear view mirror. _Why? What does it say?_

_It says that we're in Burkittsville, Maryland._

Ghostface groaned. "Maryland? Seriously? How the hell did that happen?"

"Because you were supposed to be watching the map, so shut the fuck up, bitch." Freddy commented as he put his feet up on the dashboard and yawned. "Damn, I'm tired. When do we get a hote-"

Suddenly the Winnebago let out a lurch and a huge crashing sound could be heard as the van collided into the side of a hotel. Michael, who was still gripping the steering wheel, thought cheerfully, _We're here!_

"Nice driving, idiot!" Ghostface said as he opened up his door and tried to climb out. Jason stopped him.

_Yeah, amazingly I don't think that we'll be staying here tonight._

Michael became sulky. _But that wall just came up out of nowhere._

Freddy sighed. "Yeah, we're screwed."

In an instant the hotel manager had climbed over the hood of the Winnebago. He stared at the van with wide eyes. "My...my hotel!"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry about that, man." Ghostface said as he want over and shook the poor guy's hand. He yelled over at Jason, "Hey, Hockeypuck, bring me that video camera that's in the back of the van!"

Jason brought it over, looking suspicious. _Why in the hell would we need a video camera for a vacation?_

"Well why do you gotta be so stupid?"

_Yeah, I'm sorry, I just have to ask, but did you REALLY just ask why I 'gotta' be so stupid?_

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah, so?"

He shrugged as he dug a beat-up video camera out of the trash on the floor. _Nothing, I just wanted to __clarify._

_What does clarify mean? _Michael wondered as he scratched his head. Freddy slapped him on his shoulder and shook his head.

"Kid, if you don't know the meaning of a simple word like that by now, then you might as well just write yourself out of this fucking series."

Michael arched a brow. _What 'series'?_

He sighed. "If you haven't figured it out by now, you'll never know." and he to climbed out of the van and stretched. "Okay, so we're obviously not staying—Fuckface, get that damn camera out of my face!" Ghostface was aiming the camera less than an inch away from the other killer's face. He backed away as Freddy brandished his razored glove at him. Instead of focusing it on Freddy and the hotel manager as they bickered, he went over and focused in on Michael's ass.

Of course Michael noticed this, ran, and hid behind Jason for protection from Ghostface's prying camera. The taller killer gave him a confused look. _Myers, what the hell is wrong with you?_

_Ghostface is filming my ass!_

Jason snapped then. He went over, yanked Freddy back into the van by the neck of his sweater, then thought angrily, _Okay, this is it! Ghostface, turn off the camera and get back in the van; Michael, you're not driving anymore, so sit next to me in the front. We're leaving._

Michael gratefully climbed into the passenger's side and slammed the door. After making sure that Freddy and Ghostface were properly secured in their seats, Jason took his position in the driver's seat. He hastily backed the car out of the rubble of the hotel and proceeded to fly down the road. _Here's what we're not gonna do, _Jason thought once he'd managed to regain his composure, _we're NOT going to fuck up this vacation; we're NOT going to videotape Michael's ass at any time; we're N-_

"The shower is fair game!" Ghostface protested. Michael let out a little squeak of disapproval, but said nothing, knowing that his argument wouldn't be heard by the pervert anyway.

Jason had to be the one to think in a threatening sort of way, _Okay, let me put this in the simplest way possible; Ghostface, if you even look at Myers wrong, I'll personally shove that camera up your scrawny little ass and-_

"Ooohh," he purred, "kinky..."

_And we'll abandon you in the woods, do you understand me?_

"Whatever," he grumbled, adjusting the video camera, "but I still get to record everything else."

"Fuck no!" Freddy argued.

"Why not?"

"Because it's fucking annoying!"

_Okay, Ghostface, fine, you can be in charge of documenting the vacation, but when any one of us says to turn the camera off, you do it, understand? _Jason asked as he calmly drove down the road. In the seat next to him, Michael relaxed a little.

They all agreed that these rules were best and continued driving until they hit the heart of the small town. Once there, Ghostface insisted that he had to take a bathroom break, so all of the slashers got out of the car and found a little store to take a rest at. After he'd taken his leak, Ghostface retrieved his camera and proceeded to walk up and down the main streets in the town, documenting their boring adventure. "See, look how interesting this place is—wow." he said to himself and the camera, "How fascinating this shit-hole town is..."

That was when an old man stopped him. "Excuse me, but why do you have that camera?"

"Documenting." he answered, zooming the camera in on the old guy.

This made the old man become almost panicked. "About what? The Blair Witch?"

Ghostface snickered. "The _what?"_

The local proceeded to weave a fantastic tale of murder and witchcraft into the stupid killer's brain. Apparently, the woods around the town were said to be haunted by the ghost of an old witch; countless children had been taken and slaughtered as well, which only made the forest seem that much more ominous. Ghostface perked up at this local myth. He asked the old man, "Okay, so you're telling me that somewhere in those woods there's a ghost?"

"Some say so, yes." he answered.

"And that anyone who goes in there sees her?"

"Most people."

"Ohh..._interesting." _he said, smiling under his mask. Maybe this vacation wouldn't be so boring after all.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface wandered the town going from person to person asking if they'd ever heard about the Blair Witch; he got lots of information about the legend. Meanwhile Freddy, Jason, and Michael were still figuring out what to do about their current sleeping situation—or lack thereof. Well, to be perfectly honest, mostly it was Jason who was doing the figuring, since he was the only one in the group with half a brain. He added up what little emergency money they'd brought along and calculated that they had a grand total of five dollars and eleven cents. He pulled Freddy aside to tell him the grim news.

_Kruger, listen, I've been thinking and there's no way that we're going to have enough to get a room for a night._

"So where the fuck does that leave us?"

Jason glanced over at the Winnebago. _How do you feel about a little camp out?_

Although Freddy raised hell about having to sleep outside, he figured that it beat not having any sleep whatsoever, so the two unanimously decided the fate of the group. Once that was done, Jason found Michael and they eventually managed to track down Ghostface, who was surprisingly avid about sleeping in the woods. "Think about it, we wouldn't get bothered, and there's no way that Myers could mess anything up!" he insisted.

Michael thought angrily, _Hey! I do not mess things up!_

Jason considered this. _The woods? Well...that could work. Sure, why not? _

After agreeing to Ghostface's idea of camping out in the desolate woods, it was up to Jason to devise the best means of keeping the group alive thru the night—a tougher task than it sounds. He found the old, stained map that they kept on the floor of the car, plotted out routes, rivers, and stuff like that, and while he was at it, he also wrote out a sheet of rules that every slasher was to follow. Just before they set off he passed out the written rules to everyone.

Freddy scowled at the list. "What the fuck? Do you think that we're idiots?"

Jason gave him a condescending look. _Aw, no, absolutely not. _

Michael glared at the bigger killer. _Why is my name on here so much?_

_Because you always do stupid stuff. _He explained coolly. Ghostface threw the rule sheet right back at him.

"I do what I want!"

_Are you kidding me? _Jason wondered, picking up the paper, _It's not like I'm asking you to do anything hard or mentally challenging! Here-_

_RULES FOR STAYING ALIVE IN THE WOODS:  
__1)Michael Myers is never to be left unattended  
__2)In the event that Michael Myers is left unattended, we all leave the area immediately,  
let him kill who he wants, and never speak of the incident again  
3)__Ghostface is not allowed within a 4-foot radius of Michael Myers  
4)__Freddy won't bitch about sleeping arrangements  
5)__Ghostface won't bitch about the lack of electricity/water/t.v.  
6)__Nobody can go off into the woods alone  
7)__Don't be stupid_

Once Jason was done reading the list silently, Michael thought in desperation, _This is impossible! I can't possibly do number seven!_

"Yeah, and who says where I can and can't stay?" Ghostface asked, inching nearer Michael and switching on his video camera.

"Fuck this! I wanna go home!" Freddy cried out angrily. Jason glared at all of them like they were children and crossed his arms over his chest.

_Well too bad, we can't go home! We're stuck in the woods for the night, and that's just the way it is, so either follow the rules or I'll leave you behind. _He turned, climbed behind the wheel of the Winnebago, and waited for the others to get inside. Of course everyone resentfully did and soon they were off without a whim or a prayer to the heart of the woods to spend the night.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

As it turned out, the woods were much thicker than any of them had expected. Jason had to end up parking the Winnebago on the side of the road and getting out the essentials. Of course they hadn't planned on camping out, so they really didn't have any useful resources—a half eaten bag of puffy Cheetos, a little baggie of cool ranch Doritios, two cans of diet Dr. Pepper, one opened and flat can of Sprite, two thin blankets, and a crinkled old map that was probably incorrect. By four o'clock that night they'd ended up eating the remainder of the Cheetos and one can of Dr. Pepper along with the rest of the Sprite was gone. They were also following a map that had chunks torn out of it. Eventually Jason had to force the group to stop in the middle of a clearing.

_Okay guys, now don't freak out, but we might be a little lost._

"Oh my God, I'm going to die! Dear God, no!" Ghostface cried, staggering over to a confused-looking Michael, "Myers, hold me." he dramatically fell against the other killer and hugged him. Jason glared at him.

_Get off of him and stop it._

_Jason, are we really going to die? _Michael thought, his eyes growing wide with fear. The other killer shook his head.

_Of course not, _he thought, taking a seat on the ground, _we're just going to take a break and—oh, what am I sitting on? Ow... _he moved over and discovered a perfect pile of rocks under him. His eyes ventured over a few feet away, and there stood another pile of rocks. And another, then another. Michael sat down next to him.

_What are those?_

_They look like...graves? _He shrugged. _I have no clue..._

"Graves?" Freddy repeated, laughing manically. "In that case—HA!" he began kicking the piles of rocks over and stomping on them. Ghostface joined in. Jason's eyes grew wide.

_No, stop! Quit it! _He jumped to his feet, hurried over and began piling the rocks back up. _You don't know what they're for! _

"So? Who gives a fuck?" Freddy inquired, tipping up his hat and smiling. "If they were so important, then why would they be out here in the middle of fucking nowhere?"

Michael heard a sound somewhere off in the forest and he jumped. _This...this isn't good...Jason, get us out of here._

_Okay, okay. _Jason responded silently, going over and retrieving the map. He glanced it over. Honestly he had no clue where they were or what was going on. All he knew was that it was almost night, there were these weird piles of rocks, and everyone was growing anxious. Wasn't he the smart one of the group? Wasn't it he who was always able to figure things out? _This...this is nothing, _he thought to himself, studying the map. _I can handle this. _The more he panicked, the more the map seemed like useless gibberish. They were off any trails and clearly something odd was going on with the rocks. He had to do something...everyone was staring expectantly at him. At last he thought, pointing in some random direction, _This way._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

When the sun set that night, they found themselves attempting pitifully to make a camp. "I'm hungry." Ghostface whined, tugging on Jason's jacket as the killer tried to make Michael a comfortable sleeping place. Jason turned his attention to him.

_Okay, so who was the one who ate all the Cheetos earlier today?_

"Oh, do not be that guy right now."

_I'm going to be that guy. _He roughly pushed Ghostface away from him and thought, _If you're hungry, you're just going to have to wait until we get back to the car tomorrow. I think we left a Ding Dong or two in there, even though they're probably melted. _Then he turned to Freddy and asked tiredly, _Well, what do you want to complain about?_

"Fuckface ate _everything! _We only have one coke left!" he said, glaring at Ghostface.

_I'm hungry, too. _Michael thought.

"Shut it, Myers! It's all your fault we're here anyway!"

"Don't talk to him like that! It's not his fault he's a complete idiot!" Ghostface protested.

Everyone began arguing at once, and Jason tried to intervene, but found that nobody was listening to him now. He just sat down on a pile of leaves he'd made and let the fights run their course. It was then, at the height of the shouting and name-calling, that the horrible screaming of a baby could be heard. Everyone shut up; Ghostface raced to dig his camera out of the sleeves of his shirt. He switched it on. He'd been recording all day. He'd even managed to get a few good shots of the strange, ritualistic rock piles from earlier. Now he swung his camera wildly around, looking for the source of the howling. Michael, who had become absolutely terrified once the sun had slipped below the horizon, inched closer to Jason, who seemed to be the only one out of all of them who could provide some kind of protection.

_Wh-What was that? _He thought, his black eyes scanning the surrounding woods.

Ghostface just backed up against a tree and called out into the night, "H-Hello? Anyone there?"

Stranger sounds met their ears, then; it was the sound of branches breaking, and it wasn't coming from one particular place. It was coming from all around them. Freddy jumped and whirled around. "What the hell is going on here?"

Ghostface began to walk away from the campsite in search of the sounds, but Jason hurried after him and hauled him back. "What the fuck? I want to see what's wrong! It sounded like a kid or a baby or something!"

_I don't think there's anyone out here but us. _Jason thought, _We didn't tell anyone we'd be out here, and I'm sure that parents wouldn't let their kids wander around in the woods at night like this._

"Then how the fuck do you explain the sounds?" Freddy demanded.

Just as Jason prepared to respond, a sick cackling could be heard. Everyone scrambled back into the small campsite that they'd made and became utterly silent. Needless to say, it was a long night.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The next morning Jason woke up first. He was surprised to find that Michael was huddling up next to him, clinging to him desperately. He rolled his eyes and pushed him away before rising to his feet and looking around. In the daylight, the woods seemed just as peaceful as ever. Had he imagined the events of last night? Well, whatever had happened it was over now. They'd had their little 'vacation', it had gone a muck like always, and now it was time to go back to the Winnebago. He searched his pockets for the map only to find nothing there. He looked all over the ground and the campsite. The only thing that he could discover were more piles of rocks. This time, there were four little mountains, all an equal distance away from each other. He didn't feel like waiting anymore. Something strange was happening, and he wanted to get the hell out of here.

_Alright, rise and shine. _He thought as he unceremoniously kicked Michael in the stomach. The others he roughly shook awake.

_Ow...what's wrong? _Michael thought, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

_Pack up, we're leaving._

_But-_

_Now. _He turned and began to gather up the blankets. Freddy sat up and adjusted his hat. He noticed Jason's odd behavior and reached over to one of the piles of rocks; he threw it at the hulking killer. Jason barley flinched. He just continued to clean up.

"Alright, what the fuck is going on? Why are we leaving so soon? We have all day to get back to the car, right?"

_I just want to leave now, alright? _Jason thought snappishly, hauling Michael to his feet. He pushed him over to a little stream and ordered, _Go get cleaned up._

_But-_

_Just do it._

Michael sulked over to the stream and lifted up his mask; he proceeded to wash his face, thinking dejectedly, _Quit telling me what to do._

Jason turned to the others and then instructed, _Get up and start getting your stuff together. We've got to leave._

Surprisingly, Ghostface didn't argue with this. He yanked the blanket away from Freddy and folded it up. "Right, whatever gets us out of here sooner."

"What the hell is going on?" Freddy howled. When no answer came, he rushed over to Jason and pulled him off to the side away from the others, and hissed in his ear, "Okay, look Hockeypuck, I can get how you don't wanna make us panic and all, but what the fuck is happening?"

Jason seemed desperate. _Look, can I tell you something without you letting Michael and Ghostface know?_

"I don't give a fuck."

_I lost the map._

"WHAT? YOU LOST THE FUCKING MAP? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Freddy howled, stabbing at Jason. "We're stuck out here in these weird, fucked-up woods with these rocks and shit and you lose the map?"

"Who lost the map?" Ghostface asked, joining in the conversation. Jason and Freddy ignored him and kept yelling at each other, so Ghostface shrugged and returned his attention to cleaning up the campsite. It was then that he noticed that Michael was no longer near the stream. "Uh...hey, guys, just thought that you should know that Myers isn't here anymore."

This got Jason's attention. He turned to the other slasher, his eyes wide. _What the hell did you just say?_

"Myers, we lost him. He's not here anymore."

_No, no, no, NO, NONONONO! _Jason thought, running over to the stream where Michael had been kneeling only minutes before. He pounded on the earth and thought angrily, _How the hell could I let this happen? It was on the rules that I wrote! 'Michael Myers is never to be left unattended'!_

"Jason, calm down. We'll find him." Ghostface said, switching on his camera and sticking it in a despairing Jason's face. Jason turned away from the camera and shook his head.

_You idiot, we don't even know where we are! How are we supposed to find Michael?_

"Who gives a fuck?" Freddy asked, snickering. "I mean, we're still alive, and he's probably dead by now, so we should just get going." he began to walk away, and Ghostface resentfully followed him.

"C'mon, Jason, we'll come back for him."

Jason stared out into the seemingly endless forest and stood up. _No point. _He thought, gathering up his things. They set off for the day, back in the direction they'd come.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

They spent hours walking until they came upon an odd site. The three killers stopped in their tracks; there, hanging in the trees above their heads, were sticks tied together in the shapes of people. Ghostface stared at them wondrously and reached up. He took one down and observed it carefully. "What the hell...what are these?"

Freddy said, staring at the little wooden figure, "Looks like some voodoo shit."

Jason thought nothing, just continued on. Since losing Michael, he'd been doing nothing but wallowing in a deep ocean of self-pity. In fact, he barley noticed the wooden figures above his head, and he certainly didn't tell Ghostface anything when he took one and put it in his sleeve. Instead he trudged along, thru the branches and leaves, feeling bad for himself. Freddy and Ghostface barley managed to keep up with his ruthless pace.

At last the time came to set up camp again. This time, however, the sounds grew closer. In the morning Jason woke up first like before and began cleaning up camp. His head was pounding, he was hungry, and tired from having to stop Ghostface and Freddy from killing each other. He retrieved Ghostface's camera and, just for the hell of it, began recording his own antics. While doing so, he tripped over a bunch of sticks tied together. He stood up, wandered over to the bundle, and untied it. Inside there was a bloody little bit of fabric. He swallowed and aimed the camera at the fabric as he unwrapped it. A few teeth were inside. He immediately dropped the sticks and began wiping his blood-stained fingers off on his jacket.

_Oh hell...oh shit, shit, shit...can't let the others see this...they'll just start freaking out again, and we won't get anywhere. _Jason thought as he tried to clean his hands. He felt someone's eyes on him, and he turned to find Ghostface staring at him oddly.

"Uh...hey, Jason. What're you up to?"

_I—nothing. _

He tried to hide the remaining blood on his hands, but Ghostface noticed it anyway. He reached forward, snatched one of Jason's hands, and asked cluelessly, "Why is there blood on your hands?"

_I-I was..._Jason's mind scrambled to make up a lie

"On your period?"

_No! _

"Then what?"

He shook his head and pushed Ghostface back in the direction of the camp. _Just forget it. We've got to keep moving. _He went over and kicked Freddy. _Wake up, wake up, wake up! We've got to keep going if we're going to find Michael. _

"Why the fuck do you care about him so much, anyway?" Freddy demanded. For some odd reason, this just hit the other slasher the wrong way. He'd spent the past few days listening to Freddy and Ghostface argue, and now when he'd given them a sensible instruction, they refused to listen? This was too much, even for him. Jason got out his machete.

_So you want to just leave him? He pays part of the rent, Kruger!_

"Yeah, so do you, but I'm about to leave your ass here, too!"

"You're the one who got us lost to begin with, all because you didn't want to admit that you didn't know what you were doing!" Ghostface interjected, snatching his camera away from Jason. They argued that whole day about what to do, and soon it was night all over again. Angry at having wasted a whole day, they lapsed into vengeful silence. That was, until a horrible yowling could be heard off in the distance. Jason stood up and took Ghostface's camera.

"Wait, where are you-"

_It could be Michael!_

"You idiot! Myers doesn't even talk, let alone scream!" Freddy retorted. Seeing that Jason wouldn't turn back, both he and Ghostface jumped to their feet and hurried after their only hope of protection. "Look, retard, I know that you're really gay for Myers, but we're not going out into a creepy-ass forest looking for him!"

_I'm not gay! _He thought back, uselessly aiming the camera up at the trees. Seeing that they weren't going to talk any sense into him, Ghostface and Freddy followed Jason all the way to an abandoned house. Like before, the human figures made out of sticks were hanging all around, but this still didn't deter Jason. He went into the house, thinking, _Myers? Are you here? _

"Look, obviously nobody's here, Hockeypuck." Freddy snapped, entering the house as well. He was dragging a terrified, sobbing Ghostface behind him as he did so. "This place is totally abando-"

_Help me! Please..._

They all grew quiet—aside from Ghostface's continuous crying. Jason pushed past all of the trash in the room and headed straight in the direction that the noise was coming from. He had a loose grip on Freddy's sweater, and pulled him along, too. Since Ghostface was shitting himself from being so scared, he didn't want to stay alone. Together the trio found themselves walking downstairs into the basement. Michael was standing there in the dark, empty basement, facing a corner. Jason passed Ghostface the camera, wandered over to Myers, put a hand on his shoulder and forced him to turn around.

It was then that Ghostface let out a loud scream and dropped the camera onto the filthy ground...

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"And that's why we don't bring cameras on vacation." Freddy concluded as he threw his stuff in the back of the Winnebago. The rest of the gang was also packing their stuff into the vehicle. Vacation was a big deal, after all, and this was sure to be a good one. The only issue that was being raised right now was the fact that Ghostface insisted upon bringing his camera along. He had listened to Freddy's made-up warning about how everything would fall apart if he did bring it, but he still stood in the dark parking lot looking confused.

"Okay, so why am I not allowed to bring the camera?" he asked, switching the video camera off and chucking it in the back seat. Jason caught it and shook his head.

_Because it'll ruin the whole thing. Trust me. _He took his seat in the back. _Besides, you'd just spend your time documenting Michael's ass._

"What's wrong with that?"

"I just explained it to you!" Freddy exclaimed irritably. "If you bring a camera, then Michael crashes into the hotel, we have to sleep in a haunted forest, and then we all die. There you go, now leave it home."

"But you just made all that stuff up!"

_Just don't do it. _Jason insisted.

Ghostface glanced down at the camera then to the guys. "Fine," he agreed at last, "no filming, but I don't feel like going all the way back up the room to put it back, so here-" he threw the thing onto the floor of the vehicle, "-I won't even use it."

Michael let out a sigh of relief. _Thank God, now I don't have to be afraid of someone filming me all the time._

_Let's just go. _Jason said, closing the door once Ghostface had climbed into the back seat next to him. Michael backed the car out of the parking lot. It was early, around five in the morning, and it was the start of a beautiful vacation...

...or was it?

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

****A/N****

Okay, I've been promising and promising an update and here it is. The next one will be better; I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things. Lately I've been writing a lot of other things from _Dragonball Z _to _Metalocalypse, _and I just decided last night that I'd take a trip back here, to my roots. Hope you enjoyed this episode. There is more to come. One reason that this episode was delayed so badly was because I felt obligated to watch the movie _The Blair Witch Project, _and I've just recently done so. Yes, that's how it ended. If it doesn't make much sense, don't complain to me, that's just how it is. I didn't really enjoy the movie all that much. I've seen better. Anyways, that's all for now. Thanks for reading, and remember that reviews are love.


	37. Episode 35Jason Cracks

Episode 35—Jason Cracks

* * *

It was movie night for the occupants of number 3113 of Wimbleton Apartments. It was Freddy's turn to select which movie that they would watch—or at least he claimed that it was his turn, but usually he lied about that sort of thing. Of course his video selection was a certain film entitled, _Freddy vs. Jason. _He shoved it in Jason's face and laughed obnoxiously, saying, "Ha! Now we can watch me beat your ass in HD!"

Jason just rolled his eyes. _Can you please choose something else?_

Freddy's response to this was to open the box, throw the movie into the DVD player, and plop onto the couch. He glanced over at Michael and said, "Now you can see your boyfriend get his stupid ass kicked!"

_He's not my boyfriend!_

Ghostface just sighed. "Can we please just shut up and watch the stupid movie?"

Jason glared the screen and crossed his arms over his chest. _This isn't fair. Next time I choose the damn movie._

Thruout the whole movie whenever Jason took a hit, Freddy would yell, "Yeah, fuck that bitch! Ha!" and everyone would jump and glare over at him. By the end of the movie, as Jason got his fingers cut off, Ghostface had more questions than anything else.

As the credits began to roll he turned to Jason and asked, "Okay, so that part where he kicked you in the nuts, wh-"

_He did not kick me in the nuts!_

"Well why'd you just stand there? Don't you have any?"

_Yes—I mean no...it's none of your damn business! Why do you care what I have? _

"I'm just curious!"

"Ha! Did all of you see that? Okay, look-" Freddy jumped on top of the couch and pointed at Jason with one of his razored claws. "I kicked his _ass!"_

_You did not! _Michael thought angrily, _He totally kicked your ass!_

"Shut up, prick!"

_No, because you're wrong! Jason totally-_

Jason thought with a tired sigh, _Myers, just let it go. You'll never win. Besides, I don't care. It was obvious that I-_

"Rematch!" Freddy interrupted, jumping over the couch and punching Jason in the face.

Jason was shocked by this; he blinked and thought, _What the hell was that?_

"I want a rematch." Freddy declared, slashing at the bigger killer with his claws. In a moment Ghostface had joined in on this as well, but not because he actually wanted to fight the other killer. In fact, it was just because he wanted more attention from Michael. Myers, seeing that the only person who understood him was getting punched in the face, just sat there with an empty expression in his eyes.

_Okay, so who won the fight? _Michael thought at last, scratching his head.

_Me! I won, okay? I won, I won, I won, I-_

"It was me! Obviously I won, because I never lose!" Freddy exclaimed, slapping Jason in the face; the other killer reeled back and glared at him.

_Will you please quit that?_

"Not until I get a rematch!"

_Well you're not getting one tonight. It's almost eleven, and if Michael doesn't get enough sleep, then he gets pissy. Myers- _he glanced over at the other silent killer and motioned to the bathroom—_go brush your teeth then get into bed._

_But-_

_Do it.  
_

He sighed and nodded. _Fine. _He got up and went into the bathroom. As Freddy and Jason continued their argument, Ghostface tried to sneak into the bathroom with Michael, but thankfully he was caught. Jason latched onto Ghostface's sleeve and pulled him back towards the couch.

_Don't even think about it. Go to bed._

Ghostface let out a roar of anger and punched Jason in the stomach; when the other killer didn't flinch, this only made him angrier. "Would you just stop telling people what to do? Damn, you act like we're your kids or something!"

Jason thought, _Maybe if you didn't act like kids, then I wouldn't have to treat you like—ow, Freddy, stop slapping me in the face! _He thought angrily, pushing the smaller killer away. Then, from inside the bathroom, there came a horrifying yell. Jason looked up just in time to see Michael frantically running over to him, his eyes wide. _What's wrong, Mike?_

_The bathroom—there's a spider in the bathroom!_

_Are you serious?_

_Yeah, a huge one!_

"Ha ha! Myers is afraid of spiders!" Freddy joked, stabbing at Michael with his claws; he flinched away. Jason gripped his head and looked down. He was too tired for this—his head was beginning to ache and Ghostface was yelling, 'Rematch!' in his ear.

_Okay, fine! Everyone just SHUT UP! _When everyone did manage to become silent Jason got to his feet and thought out calmly, _Here's how it's going to work—Mike, you're going to calmly show me where the spider is, I'm going to kill it, then you're going to finish brushing your teeth and go to bed. Kruger, you're going to stop teasing people, and by the time I kill that spider, I expect to see you in bed. Ghostface, same goes for you. Does everyone understand?_

"I'm gonna fill your dreams up with spiders, you girly-boy!" Freddy hissed at Michael. Jason glared at him and punched him in the back.

_Quit it! Mike, let's go._

He went with Michael into the bathroom and did as he'd promised. Of course by the time that he got out of the bathroom, Ghostface and Freddy were fighting again. Jason broke them up and then made sure that they got to sleep. After it was all said and done, Jason was the last killer to get to sleep, and he knew that he'd be the first one to wake up. That's always how it was. In the beginning he'd accepted his role as mediator, but now it was wearing on his sanity and health. He never abandoned his reason, though; it's what set him apart from the other mindless killers. He never lost his cool too badly, and when he did he always managed to put things back together...

Or at least he _thought _that's how things worked.

{}{}{}{}{}

"Jaaaassssoooon, where's breakfast?"

"Rematch, rematch!"

_Jason, I can't find my shampoo!_

"Jason, we're out of syrup!"

"I said rematch you stupid, retarded asshole!"

_Jason, Ghostface just touched me again!_

Jason, Jason, Jason. The hulking killer ran around the apartment as usual, fulfilling everyone's ridiculous needs. He found Michael's shampoo, gave Ghostface a new bottle of syrup to put on the pancakes that he himself had made, and he even had enough time to serve as Freddy's punching bag. In the end he sat eating what was left of his breakfast—Ghostface always ate out of his plate when he wasn't looking—holding his head in his hands. Even the sitting arrangements at the table had been thought up by him; Michael sat to his right, Ghostface to his left, and Freddy across from him to prevent any squabbles. Today, however, not even this was helping him.

Freddy kept jumping up and smacking Jason in the face proclaiming, "Rematch!"

Jason was too exhausted to defend himself. He just sat there taking the brunt of the hits, blood streaming out of his hockey mask. Michael finally couldn't stand it anymore. He thought angrily, _Will you just quit?_

"Shut up! Rematch-" he slapped Jason again, "-rematch!"

"Yeah, rematch!" Ghostface said, laughing. He got up and punched Jason out of his chair. The hulking killer let out a tired sigh and got up. He took what remained of his food and threw it away. Michael stared after him as he walked out of the apartment.

_Where are you going?_

_Out._

_Can I-_

_No, I want to be alone._

_Oh. Okay. Bye, Jason._

_Yeah, whatever. _And he left the room, slamming the door after him. Once he was gone, Freddy threw his plate of food to the ground and spat on it.

"Stupid fucker got blood on my pancakes."

{}{}{}{}{}

By the time that Jason returned to the apartment, everything had fallen apart. As soon as he walked into the room Ghostface tackled him. "Jason, you've got to do something!"

_What now? I've only been gone for fifteen minutes!_

"The girly-boy forgot to take his meds." Freddy said, motioning to Michael, who was lying on the floor. Jason's eyes grew wide; he hurried over to Myers' side and shook him roughly.

_Mike? Hey, are you okay? _When no answer came, he turned to the other two slashers and demanded, _What the hell is wrong with you two? You couldn't make sure that he took his medicine?_

Ghostface shrugged and Freddy just let out an unconcerned, "Meh."

Jason rolled his eyes, picked Michael up into his arms, and haphazardly threw him onto the couch, right on top of Freddy's feet. "Hey, retard, what the fuck are you-"

_Shut the fuck up! _Jason thought as he went into the kitchen and found the medicine cabinet. He fixed Michael's medicine and made sure that he took it. After about two hours, Myers was back to his old self, only a lot more paranoid. Apparently being late on his meds had made him a little more crazy, and every time someone walked near him he'd freak out and try to bite them. Jason solved this by pulling him aside and giving him a strict talking to.

_Myers, listen—ow! _He pulled away as Michael sank his teeth into his arm. _Stop biting people!_

_Leave me alone! All of you just leave me alone!_

_Great, _Jason thought, pressing a hand to his forehead, _we broke him._

Just as he thought this, Freddy walked up behind him and punched him in the back of the head. For a while Jason blacked out, but when he came to everyone was yelling at him. Jason, Jason, Jason. The killer couldn't take it anymore. He closed his eyes and thought desperately, _PLEASE, WILL EVERYONE LEAVE ME ALONE?_

"But the who the fuck is supposed to pay my cell phone bill?" Ghostface demanded, shoving his phone in Jason's face. The other killer shrugged cluelessly. His head was killing him. Couldn't he have one minute to himself?

_You make enough money. Why don't you pay it off?_

"Because I'm asking you for a _favor, _asshole. Damn, I thought you'd at least do me one single favor!"

_Fine, fine! Here. _He dug a bit of money out of his pocket and gave it to Ghostface. _There, pay your bill._

He walked away without saying thank you. Michael came looking for help after that. For the moment he seemed to have regained his old sense and he was actually acting like a halfway functional person. _Jason, _he thought, trying to be sensitive to his friend's feelings, _can I ask you something?_

_Go ahead. _He thought, rising to his feet. _If you don't, someone else will._

Michael looked ashamed as he thought shyly, _I have a problem..._

_What is it? Tell me already!_

_Freddy ate my cookie._

Jason sighed and went over to Freddy. He punched him to get his attention, then motioned over to Michael. _Hey, douchebag, you owe Myers a cookie, alright? _

Freddy openly laughed at this. He pushed Jason back roughly and spat, "That bitch owed _me_ a cookie!"he looked over to Michael and jeered, "So you couldn't even stand up to me yourself? You had to get this big retard to do it?"

_Don't talk to him in that tone, Freddy. _Jason held out his hand, _I want you to give Michael something in return for eating his cookie. _

"Ha! I'll give you something alright! Here!" he lashed out and kicked Jason squarely between the legs. The bigger killer let out a sick grunt and fell to the ground, his eyes watering. Ghostface saw this and frowned under his mask.

"Huh. So I guess that he does have nuts after all."

_Oh God...why would you do that?_

"Because you stuck up for that little bitch over there!" Freddy howled, pointing at a very distressed looking Michael.

_S-So what? Owwwwww..._Jason punched the floor of the apartment, trying to forget about the pain.

"You always stick up for him, even when he does something wrong!" Ghostface insisted. "We're sick of it!"

_Okay, fine, I'm sorry. You're right, I'll try to be more fair...ah..._Jason tried to get up, but found that he just couldn't. He laid down on the ground and began crying. _Why the hell did you kick me in the nuts? Oh God...why?_

Michael watched all of this and something inside of his brain seemed to snap. He glanced at Ghostface, the cause of many of his woes, and jumped on him. Although this excited the other killer at first, he soon realized that he was in trouble. "Ow—Myers, so kinky...wait, what are you—stop!" Michael pushed up his mask to reveal his mouth, leaned down, and bit a huge chunk out of the other killer's shoulder. Ghostface screeched, "What the hell is wrong with you? Get off!" he tried to get the bigger killer off of him, but this only earned him more bites. "Freddy, help!"

Freddy was busy laughing. "Fuck that shit, you deserve it! Kill him, Myers!"

Michael glared over at Kruger and licked the blood from his rarely exposed lips. He went to jump on Freddy, but Jason caught him and hauled him outside onto the balcony. _Mike, what the hell is wrong with you? _Michael said nothing, but tried to bite at his neck. Jason flinched back and thought, _Sorry about this..._he punched the other killer squarely in the head. Michael became limp and fell to the ground.

{}{}{}{}{}

As it turned out, Michael couldn't be left unsupervised. He was having a psychotic break down due to months of accumulated stress. Jason _Googled _the phenomena only to discover that this sort of thing could now be expected to happen every few months, give or take, depending on how much poor Michael was subjected to. The website that he checked, however, offered no solutions or ways to calm the raging serial killer. He sighed and then, seeing no other way, went and stayed with Michael for the remainder of his breakdown. The others locked him outside and proceeded to trash the apartment; Jason could care less about that as he tried to stop Michael from biting his throat open, though.

_It's funny, _he thought, though he knew the other killer was beyond the point of hearing him, _but when I do break down, I don't try and eat people. I actually just cry._

_I'll kill you all! _Michael thought, scratching at the door of the balcony. _Kill you, kill you! _He let out a roar and flung himself against the glass doors, trying to break thru them. Jason just pulled him back and against the railings of the balcony, a concerned look in his dark eyes.

_Now Michael, stop flinging yourself around like that. You might hurt yourse-_

_I'LL RIP YOUR THRAOT OUT!_

_Yeah, yeah. _

This continued on and on, so his night was spent tirelessly punching Michael in the fact in an attempt to bring him back to reality. Eventually Jason lost all hope and just let the other killer stab him until he was dizzy due to loss of blood. Morning eventually came and that brought Ghostface outside. He grabbed a dozing Jason by his jacket and punched him in the face. Jason recoiled and pressed a hand to his hockey mask.

_Ow! I just fell asleep! What the hell is wrong with you?_

"That's what's wrong!" Ghostface said, indicating Michael, who had fallen asleep with his head on Jason's shoulder. The other killer shrugged.

_Yeah, he was tired and fell asleep, so what?_

"On your shoulder? I feel so betrayed." Ghostface said, pretending to cry. Jason narrowed his dark eyes at him and pushed Michael off of his shoulder.

_There, he's not touching me. Happy now?_

"It doesn't take away the pain." he said dramatically, falling into Jason's lap. The bigger killer shied away from him.

_What the hell is wrong with you? First you punch me, now-_

"Hey, Voorhees, I call _rematch!" _Freddy exclaimed as he jumped out onto the balcony and stabbed Jason's throat. The killer pushed him away, gasping for air and bleeding. This only made Kruger laugh harder and slash at him some more; this ended in Jason losing three fingers. He sighed and looked down at his now incomplete hand.

_I'm going to have to stitch those back on. _As he tried to get up, his leg popped and the stitching that held his calf together split. _Crap. I'll get that—_as he bent down to pick up the scraps of his leg, his hand fell off, its stitching rotten. He sighed. Since he was mostly sewed together, every once in a while he had to take the time to fix himself. He hadn't done this in months, even though he knew that he should. Now he stood there, holding a bunch of his body parts and trying to protect Michael from Ghostface, all as he battled with Freddy.

At last he managed to get everyone calmed down and inside. _Michael, _he thought, limping over to the medicine cabinet, _you need to take your meds, alright?_

_Gotcha._

_Can I trust you to—you know what? Never mind, I'll just do it myself. _He knew damn well that he couldn't trust Michael to take his own medicine, so he dug in the cabinet and found the stuff. He supervised Myers then went over to find himself some thread and a needle. Once that was done he sat on the floor and got to work. All the while everyone else watched him with mixtures of awe and disgust.

As Jason jabbed the thick needle into the skin and tissue of his calf, Ghostface couldn't help but ask, "So, doesn't that hurt?"

He shrugged. _A little, but after a while I get used to it._

Freddy got an idea. He snatched Jason's foot away from him and began throwing it up into the air. Since Jason hadn't been wearing shoes, the gray, rotten skin was exposed, along with the black toenails. Voorhees glared over at him and held out his hand. _Give it back.  
_

"Not on your life. Fuckface, catch!" he threw the foot at Ghostface's mask. The killer caught it and flinched back.

"Gross, it smells!"

_It does not! _Jason protested, roughly stabbing the needle into his skin. _Now give it ba—hey! _As he went to retrieve the foot, Ghostface threw it over to Michael, who let out a startled gasp and caught it.

_Ew, ew! Gross! Ew, Jason's foot is all over me! _He wiped his hands off on his clothes before letting Jason reclaim his stolen body part. The serial killer sighed tiredly.

_You guys, I really don't have the patience for your games, so just turn on the t.v. and try to behave while I sew myself up, alright? _They all grumbled and moodily watched t.v. as Jason hurriedly pieced himself together again.

{}{}{}{}{}

That night as the four settled down for supper, Jason felt utterly dead inside. He stared emptily at his pizza and willed himself to stay awake. He was exhausted. After a day of supervising Michael, disciplining Ghostface, and fighting off Freddy, he was totally drained. The only thing that he was looking forward to was a good night of sleep, which is why he gave his food to Myers. Michael gave him a curious look and frowned under his mask.

_You're not hungry?_

_No, just exhausted. _He thought back, yawning.

_Exhausted? What does that mean?_

"It means that he's a little pansy." Freddy explained as he took a large sip of beer. Ghostface snickered and poked at Jason's temple with his finger.

"Hey, loser, are you even awake? Hey, idiot? Jaaaaaaaasssssssssooonnn?"

_What? _He thought, banging his fists down on the table. _What the hell do you want, Fuckface?_

There was a moment of silence before he was asked, "Get me another beer?"

It was then that something inside of Jason snapped. He pushed Ghostface away from him as hard as he could, sent him yelling onto the hard floor of the kitchen. He jumped up from his chair and flipped over the table, spilling pizza sauce on Freddy's sweater and beer all over Michael's lap. Everyone stared angrily at him. All Jason could think was, _Yeah, sure Fuckface, I'll get you another god damn beer! Why? So that you can get drunk, molest Michael, and then get in a fight with Freddy and leave bloodstains on the carpet! Oh, and that won't even be half of it! No, because with you guys, it's never simple; Myers might forget to take his fucking medicine and he'll nearly stab me to death, or Freddy might get mad at me and jump me when I'm trying to clean up a mess that he made! Well you know what? I've HAD IT! You can all just go to hell, because I'm done!_

When he was done with his speech he stood there, panting, his hands curled into fists, his eyes wide with hatred and anger that he'd long buried inside of him. Ghostface, who had managed to get up off the floor, was the first one who spoke. "Oh yeah, and by the way, I'm gonna need to borrow a few hundred dollars to pay off my phone bill...again. Sorry. I'll pay you back."

Jason went over to him, grabbed him by his scrawny throat, and threw him across the room. Freddy saw how serious the situation was and rose up slowly from his chair. "Okay, Voorhees, I know you're mad but listen—I don't care. All I want is-" he leapt over the table and wrapped his arms around Jason's neck, trying to cut off his air supply. "-REMATCH!" Jason reached behind him, grabbed Freddy's sweater, and threw him away. This made Kruger turn red with embarrassment and declare once more, "Rematch!"

_No! _Voorhees thought as Freddy ran over to him, slashing with his claws madly, _No more damn rematches! No more medications, beer, pizza, or babysitting...no more anything! _He punched Freddy in his face, knocking him out totally. Once that was done, he turned back to Michael, perhaps his only remaining friend, and thought apologetically, _Sorry...I guess that I just snapped. _

_It's okay, _he thought gently, _you're right, all of that stuff isn't really important. You know what is important, though?_

_Huh?_

_My birthday, which is today._

Jason's eyes grew wide as he struggled to think, _Y-Your birthday? Today...it's today?_

_Yep, _Michael nodded and happily got out of his seat. _And I know you didn't forget._

_I...Mike, I..._he turned away, utterly ashamed with himself. Myers' excitement melted into a kind of horrible disbelief.

_Jason, you didn't forget my birthday, did you? _Jason didn't have to say anything. Michael wasn't _that _stupid, after all. He knew what that silence meant and in a moment he had turned and stormed out of the apartment. Jason stood there for a second staring down at his shoes until he couldn't take it anymore. He hurried after the other slasher thinking, _Wait! I'm sorry!_

{}{}{}{}{}

_Michael, stop acting like spoiled kid and-_

_Shut up! _

_Look, I-_

_I hate you! Leave me alone! _Michael thought as he stormed down the hall, pushing Jason away from him. _I can't believe that you couldn't even remember one day, just one! God, you really are retarded._

For some reason this really struck Jason the wrong way. _Alright, that's it. Come here, you stupid little bitch! _He latched onto Micheal's wrist and threw him onto the ground roughly. He got out his machete and pressed it to the younger killer's neck. _I don't give a damn how mad you get at me, don't ever say that! _

_Then don't forget my birthday!_

_That's not fair! _Jason insisted, shaking his head.

_Well I don't think it's fair that my best friend forgets my birthday._

_We're not best friends! We barley even know each other!_

_I don't want to know you! _Michael retorted. _You're big, and stupid, and you always treat me like a kid...I'm not as dumb as you think! I can take care of myself. _

_You people expect me to know every single thing! You, Freddy, Ghostface—why do you all come to me to fix things, to think up ways to solve your damn problems? You have brains, use them! Why do you guys always expect me to bail you out of trouble? _He backed away from Michael and dropped his machete. He fell onto his knees and punched a hole in the wall next to him. Myers' eyes filled with concern. He got up and went over to Jason.

_I wasn't serious. I'm sorry, okay? Now quit...I dunno...quit crying._

_I-I'm not crying! _Jason thought, moodily. _I hate this...I'm so busy having to fix everyone's problems that I don't even remember your birthday! And you're the best person in the whole apartment..._

_I am? _This perked Michael up a little. Jason nodded.

_Why the hell do you think that I always make sure that I'm the one babysitting your stupid ass? You think I do it for fun? I could just let Freddy or Ghostface watch you, but the fact is that I don't mind you...that much._

Michael contemplated the other killer's thoughts then finally responded with, _I won't ever ask you for anything again, I swear. I don't even care about my birthday, really. When I was a kid I never celebrated it, so it's no big deal.  
_

_Yes it is. _

_No, it's really not...even though you're kind of a bad friend, now c'mon. Let's go. _

Together they walked back to the room. What they saw when the arrived was enough to make Jason tear up again. The whole place was in shambles—there was blood staining the floor and the walls, and there was pizza sauce everywhere. Freddy and Ghostface were busy arguing about something stupid, but when they saw Jason they stopped. Kruger gave the bigger killer and wily smile and motioned to the apartment.

"We had a little argument, so you should get your stupid ass in gear and clean it up."

_Wh...what? _Jason shook his head in disbelief. _The place is ruined...I just cleaned it a few days ago and now-_

"Less complaining, more cleaning." Ghostface chipped in as he went over Myers and pulled him close. "You don't have to waste your time cleaning."

_I don't?_

He shook his head. "Nope, because you get to hang out with us—mainly me." he hugged a resentful Michael close to him, ignoring the fact that he was trying to squirm away.

This time it was Jason who ran out of the apartment. Without hesitation Myers chased his friend down the hall, grabbing at his tattered jacket and trying to get his attention. _Wait, stop! Please! I have something to say—I mean think!_

_And I don't care, Myers. _Jason thought, angrily pushing him away. _Because this whole time I thought that maybe we might've become...fr...frien...forget it, because apparently you're just like Kruger and Ghostface._

_No I'm not! I really am you're frie...well, you're my...my..._

_Forget it. You couldn't say it back there and you sure as hell can't say it now. Leave me alone! _Jason tugged his jacket out of Michael's grasp and proceeded to storm on down the hall. Just as he turned to leave, though, something amazing happened.

_JASON, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!_

_Huh? _He immediately stopped walking and turned to see Michael sitting in the middle of the hall, sobbing. He rolled his eyes and went over to him, gently laid a hand on his shoulder. _Mike, you don't have to lie. Lying isn't good._

_You're my best friend ever, Jason Voorhees! _Michael sobbed, trying to hide the tears that were slipping down his mask. _And I wouldn't be able to do anything if you left._

_Okay, that's enough. Get up. _Jason helped a shaky, crying Michael to his feet and patted his shoulder. He wasn't sure if he believed the other killer—serial killers were infamous liars, after all—but the odds that Michael would openly admit to caring for another person were already slim at best. For him to lie about it was equally as unlikely. Jason finally decided what he had to do. He pulled Michael into a quick hug then thought, _If you're lying about this, I swear I'll kill you._

Still Michael continued to cry like a child. He thought, sniffling and sobbing, _Jason, I love you!_

Jason stood there, his eyes darting up and down the hall, making sure that nobody would sneak up on them and see this disgusting display of emotion. He awkwardly patted Michael's back and thought, trying to get him the hell away, _Yeah, yeah, alright. You've made your point, okay? _

_A-Are you going to leave? _Voorhees thought for a moment, and this only made Michael even sadder. _Jason, _he thought in an uncharacteristically serious way, _I'll learn how to be smart if it means that you'll stay._

_Myers-_

_No, really. You won't have to watch me so much. I'll teach myself math, and I'll learn how to read gooder, and-_

_'Gooder' isn't a word._

Michael continued as if Jason hadn't thought at all. _If it means that you'll stay, I'll do anything you want, because I...well...I need you._

They both stood there for a long moment. At last Jason nodded. He knew what he had to do. _Michael, whether or not you educate yourself shouldn't depend on me. _

_But-_

_And you know that I'm not patient, so when I'm teaching you and I start to get frustrated, just let me have a second, okay? Don't do that annoying thing where you keep asking, 'Hey, Jason, what's this mean? Hey Jason?'_

Michael's eyes grew wide. He reached up and placed his hands on the taller killer's shoulders, and shook him in a violent fit of happiness, _So that means that you're staying?_

_Well you're not exactly fit to live on your own, and if I left that's what you'd be doing. _Jason thought coolly, shrugging out of Myers' grasp. He turned and began walking back in the direction of their room, his friend following close behind. _Oh yeah, and what was that crap about 'needing me'?_

Michael looked away and shrugged, clearly ashamed of his behavior. _I meant that I needed you as a friend. God, don't be so full of yourself. You're not that great. _

{}{}{}{}{}

The two walked back into the apartment together and things quickly returned to normal. Freddy still picked on Jason every chance he got—this included stabbing him, killing him in his dreams, and dumping ice on him when he was in the shower—and Ghostface continued to try and eliminate him in hopes of replacing him as Myers' best friend. Michael, however, had found a new respect for Jason, and every morning beginning at nine, the two would sit at the small kitchen table with books, pencils, and paper. Over the next few months Michael learned effectively nothing, because although Jason was a fair teacher, he was just too dumb, and every time he'd begin to grasp a basic concept he'd forget it again by the next day.

In fact, the educating only seemed to make Michael's life worse in terms of how everyone else treated him in the apartment. Freddy would regularly make jokes about him and Ghostface would flirt with him even more. "It's okay that you're not smart, Myers," he would say, "because there can only really be one smart person in a relationship, and that smart person just happens to be me."

One day, however, something changed. As Jason hauled himself into his chair and wrote down an easy math problem, something clicked inside of Michael's brain. _Here, _he thought, handing Myers the problem, _try this._

_Okay. _He thought, tiredly reading over the paper. He picked up a pencil, tapped it on the wooden table nervously. _2..._

_Plus._

_...right, right. So, 2+2=..._

_Take your time. _Jason thought patiently, picking at his blackened, rotting nails. Michael stared at the problem for a long while before sighing.

_I can't do this. It's too hard._

_If you give up, I swear to God..._

_I'm sorry! _

Jason sighed in frustration and snatched the paper away. It was one thing when Michael at least attempted the problem and got it wrong—at least he tried. He couldn't stand it when he didn't even put his pencil down on the paper. Over by the t.v. Freddy let out a laugh and called over, "Ha! Told you he wouldn't learn anything, Voorhees. He's incapable of learning, he's too stupid!"

_Shut your damn mouth, Kruger! _Jason thought dangerously. _He's just-_

_It equals 'x'. _Michael thought suddenly. Jason glanced over at him, a curious look on his face.

_Mike, we're doing math now, not English. Math doesn't have...wait a minute! _An idea struck Jason. He wrote down on the paper below the other problem, _2x=6. _He then handed the paper back to his friend and thought, indicating the new equation, _Just try it. If you can't do it, then-_

Michael had taken the paper and was already busily writing things down. In a moment he was passing the problem back to Jason. He read it over and his eyes grew wide. _X=3...Michael, how did you figure this out?_

_It's easy because numbers and letters don't go together, _he thought, shrugging as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. _I can understand it because it doesn't make any sense._

Jason hurriedly wrote down another three more problems. Michael solved these in an instant. He gave him more complicated ones, ones that he himself barley knew how to solve. As it turned out, the only kind of smart thing that Myers knew how to do was complex algebra. Jason tried to teach him more advanced math like trigonometry and geometry, but they always ended up doing more algebra. _Well, _he thought at the end of the day, _at least I taught you something, even though you sort of knew how to do it all along._

_You're a good teacher, Jason._

_Yeah, whatever._

They both settled for beer and pizza. Ghostface now watched Michael with a new respect. "Wow...so you actually know something?"

_Yep, I guess so._

"I can't even do algebra."

_Get Jason to teach yo-_

_NO. _He interrupted, shaking his head. Ghostface sighed.

"This sucks. Now Michael might not be the dumbest one out of all of us now. Thanks, Voorhees."

_Me? What did I do?_

"You were the one who taught him the shit, and now he thinks that he's better than everyone else." Freddy said, swearing. Michael shook his head at this.

_I don't think I'm better than-_

"Shut the fuck up and eat your pizza." Freddy hissed. Myers complied.

Not many things changed after that. Michael did a little algebra every day, and he also discovered that he had a profound fondness of Shakespeare and his various sonnets. To everyone's surprise, within a day he could quote Sir Shakespeare's first seventy-five sonnets. He could also say word-for-word the to be, or not to be soliloquy. This he did all by himself. Other than that, he was still the biggest idiot in the apartment. That will never change. He still can't add 2+2 nor can he spell his own name without help. Then again, perhaps it's better that way—he always gives Jason something to work on.

{}{}{}{}{}


	38. The Final Episode PART I

The Final Episode PART I—Ghostface Goes To Court

_The Beginning of the End_

* * *

Yeah, I know that I promised that there would be a _Children of the Corn _episode, but what can I say? Every time that I would sit down to write it, it wouldn't get done, so I just figured that it was time to end it.

* * *

It was admittedly a very quiet day at number 1331 Wimbleton Apartments. Like usual the television was blaring and Freddy, Jason, Ghostface, and Michael were snoozing lazily on the couch and floor; Michael never slept on the couch, because Freddy kicked him until he got back on the floor.

It was late in the day, and only when there came a knock at the door did someone--Ghostface--dare to raise his head and ask, ''Huh? What's that? Who's there?''

Next to him on the couch Freddy let out a tired grumble and shifted. He mumbled tiredly, ''Go answer the door, Fuckface.''

He sighed but ultimately decided to get up. Ghostface staggered over to the door, still half asleep, and slowly opened it. ''Hello?'' he asked cautiously as he peeked out of the door, ''Is anyone here?''

Behind him Freddy asked, ''Who's here?''

''I dunno. No one, I thi--''

In an instant a very official-looking envelope had been forced into his hand. Ghostface frowned and looked up to see the vampire Juliek standing in front of him, his face tired and impatient. Ghostface crumpled up the envelope and asked, ''Hey, what's the big idea giving me trash?''

Then Luchesi appeared, his thin arms laden with other letters and envelopes. He handed them off to Ghostface. ''I do believe that these is yours.''

_What is all that? _Michael thought as he got up and made his way over to the door. He reached out and took some of the mail from Ghostface in an attempt to help him haul it inside.

"Your mail." Juliek said as he scratched his head distractedly. "Apparently the mail dude has been deliverin' your mail to our pad instead of yours by mistake."

_Oh. That's weird. _And he began leafing through the letters, only stopping to read one. Michael turned to Jason, an amused glimmer in his eyes. _Hey, Jason, your mom sent you a letter!_

Jason stifled a groan and thought sarcastically, _Great. Just what I need._

"What's that one for?" Freddy asked as he got up as well and snatched the official letter from Ghostface. His eyes quickly scanned it and his face fell. "It's...it's a court order thingy."

Everyone stared at him until Michael thought, _What does that mean? What's a court order thingy?_

Suddenly Juliek and Luchesi started hopping up and down and waving their hands in the air as if they were small kids in class who had just figured out the answer to an exceptionally difficult question. Jason stared at them oddly. _Umm...yes, Juliek and Luke?_

They both smiled and said together, "It is a really official letter that the court sends out when your court date is coming up. If you miss it then they hunt you down and send you to jail."

Michael gasped. _So you don't pass 'Go' or collect 200 dollars?_

Juliek shook his head. "No, or at least--"

"--we didn't pass 'Go' or collect 200 dollars when it happened to us." Luchesi finished for him.

Freddy just frowned and with one of his metal claws, he cut open the letter and began to read, muttering all the while, "I swear to God, if this is for me I'm pleading the 5th."

Jason stared at him. _What does that even mean?_

He shrugged. "I dunno, it's just what people in trouble say—I plead the 5th...holy shit, Fuckface, this is for _you!"_

Ghostface looked up from what he had been doing—reading the letter from Jason's mother—and asked in a clueless way, "Huh?"

"This letter," Freddy said as he shoved it at him, "It's for you."

"But I don't have a...oh, wait! I _do _have a court date! Lemme see that!" and he snatched it from him and began to read it rapidly. When he was done he lowered it with shaky hands and shook his head. "I...I can't believe it..."

_What? _Michael asked as he reached forward and tried to take the letter to read for himself. _Whatever it is it can't be that bad._

Juliek turned pale. "You...You mean that the Man knows that people actually _live _here?"

Luchesi gasped and began slowly backing out of the room. "Oh man, they might know that we're here right now!"

He nodded and blurted, "Yeah, and they could be searchin' our place while we're away!"

Both of their eyes grew wide as they turned to Freddy, Jason, Michael, and Ghostface, and said simultaneously, "See ya, we better go!"

_Bye! _Michael thought as he waved then turned back to the letter. Jason just rolled his eyes.

_What the hell is wrong with you?_

He shrugged. _I dunno. Excuse me for being a nice person...jeez, what a bitch. _And he handed the letter off to Freddy. _It says here that he is scheduled to appear in court on the 31__st__ of this month._

"But that's only a week away!" Freddy said, panicked, as he began to read over the letter. "We don't have that kind of time to get our shit together..."

Ghostface just shook his head. "Nah, just forget about it, you guys. It's useless. This has happened to me before, and I always either miss the court day and go to jail for a while, or go to court and get sent to jail anyways."

Jason narrowed his eyes at him. _If you get sent to jail so much how do you get out?_

"You'll be amazed what you can do with an endless supply of weed and an entire force of Mexican gang members." he said as he went over to the fridge and dug out a beer. "Besides, they act like just because I do a little jail time I'll stop getting caught with weed. How stupid is that? I mean really...What do they want me to do? _Stop _smoking?" and he took a deep sip from his beer. Freddy just shook his head and looked back at the letter.

"We've got a lot of work to do if we want to keep you outta jail."

Michael became sulky. _Why can't we just let him get arrested? It's not any of us actually like him or anything._

"Because, it's like I've told you before, Myers. Fuckface pays pretty much all of our rent, so we sort of _have _to."

"Well, jeez, don't spare my feelings or anything," Ghostface piped up from over by the fridge. "I mean, it's not like I have feelings or can hear you or anything." and he let out a loud belch and took a freshly rolled joint and a lighter out of the sleeve of his shirt. He put the joint to the mouth part of his mask, flicked on the lighter with a little click, and inhaled deeply.

Everyone watched him do this with defeated looks on their faces, but Jason was the one to put their thoughts into the open; _We are sooooo screwed._

* * *

THE DAY OF THE TRIAL...

And so several weeks passed until the day of Ghostface's court trial had arrived. Needless to say, that as he entered the courtroom that day, he was quite worried. Freddy had promised to help him on a few conditions:

1} A cut of 50% of the money he made from selling drugs. Since Ghostface wasn't particularly good at math, he said that it was okay.

2} A free supply of weed whenever he needed it. Since Ghostface was stoned while they were actually negotiating Freddy's conditions, he agreed to this as well.

3} For him to shut up and let him do the talking.

And of course Ghostface had agreed to all of these, so as they took their places in the crowded courtroom, he couldn't help but feel more than a tad bit uneasy. He looked over at Freddy and whispered, "So, you've got the stuff, right?"

Freddy stared at him in utter surprise. "What 'stuff'?"

He shrugged. "I dunno, the stuff we need, I guess."

_Chill out, I've got it right here._ Michael thought as he laid a briefcase down on the stand. Jason glanced over at him, his eyes full of worry.

_You do know how to open it, though, right?_

He nodded. _Of course I do! See? _And he opened the briefcase and held it up for everyone in the courtroom to see. Freddy glared at him and thoughtlessly stabbed him in the shoulder, making Michael let out a little hiss of pain and drop the briefcase and its contents on the floor.

"Don't let them see, idiot! Our entire fucking case depends on the contents of that briefcase!"

"Well where's the lawyer?" Ghostface asked suddenly. Everyone stared at them. Jason began to rock back and forth on his feet awkwardly, and Freddy cleared his throat uncomfortably.

_Should we tell him?_

Ghostface felt his heart turn to ice. "Tell me what? Oh God, please tell me that we have a certified lawy--"

"I am the lawyer." Freddy interrupted as he smoothed out his sweater and adjusted his top hat.

Michael raised his hand enthusiastically and thought, _Oh yeah, and we're the witnesses!_

"Witnesses? To what?" Ghostface asked. Michael lowered his hand and thought for a second.

_I don't know!_

He sighed and banged his head on the stand before him. "I'm doomed!"

"Ahem."

All of the killers looked up in surprise to see that the judge was now seated in his chair, glaring down at them. "Gentlemen," he said curtly, "I have been sitting here for the past several minutes watching the four of your bicker amongst yourselves and I have--"

_For real? _Michael wondered.

The judge frowned as Michael stepped forward, waiting for his answer. He remained silent for a second before asking, "I'm sorry, young man, but if you wish to approach the bench you mist clearly say so."

_I did._

Another moment of silence then, "Please, son, return to your spot if you don't have anything to say."

Michael stared cluelessly from the judge to the others. _Can't he hear me?_

And Jason slapped his forehead as a sudden realization hit him and he grabbed Michael's arm and guided him back over to Freddy and Ghostface. _Of course he can't! We don't talk, remember?_

_Oh yeah! Oh man, that sucks. _And he glanced at Freddy. _Kruger, what are we gonna do if nobody can hear us?_

"Well for starters you can--"

"Excuse me," the judge piped up, "but if you're finished I'd like for the trial to begin."

They all closed their mouths and nodded. "Yes sir," they answered simultaneously.

"That would be, 'your honor'. I don't get paid enough to sit here all day and get called, 'sir'."

Freddy said through gritted teeth, "Yes, _your honor."_

The judge nodded and said clearly to the rest of the courtroom and jurors, "The defendant--" he glanced down at a stack of papers he had, "--Roman Bridger, is accused of, once again, for the thirtieth time, possession of drugs, driving approximately 0.00002 miles per hour over the speed limit, thirteen D.U.I's, plagiarism--"

Ghostface scoffed and mumbled to himself, "I don't even know what plagiarism is, anyway..."

"--genocide, homicide, suicide--"

"Oh please," he said, "all that stuff only happened once..."

"--Beatlemania, causing a riot, aggravated assault--"

Michael frowned. _Doesn't it count as aggravated assault when you homicide somebody?_

_Michael, just shut up and listen to the judge. _Jason thought dully as he watched the judge read off the accusations from a long piece of paper.

"--prostitution, and attempt to assassinate the president." once the judge had finished he took a deep breath and looked down at Ghostface.

Freddy cleared his throat and spoke up. "Umm, excuse me, your honor, but which president was it? Obama? Because I'd have to say that assassinating Obama would be--"

Next to him Ghostface gave a little nod. "Uh, yeah...it was him. I--"

But before he could say anything else the judge had began reading from another piece of paper. "And he is also charged with 520.5 separate accounts of possession of crack/cocaine, methamphetamine, L.S.D., marijuana, hashish, moonshine, mushrooms, ecstasy, the skull of John Lennon, P.C.P, angel dust, 2 poison dart frogs, the drumsticks of Ringo Starr, 12 prescriptions of Thorazine--"

"No fair! They can't count that!" Ghostface protested, "It was for a friend!"

The judge ignored him and continued, "The white glove of Michael Jackson, Adderall, and 1749 bottles of cough syrup. How do you plead?"

By this time everyone in the court room—even Freddy, Jason, and Michael—were staring at Ghostface with wide eyes. He just shrugged and said casually, "Innocent, I guess."

The judge nodded and turned to the prosecution. "Very well then. Would the opposing party like to make an opening statement?"

The lawyer on the prosecution just stood up and nodded. "Yes, your honor. We, the prosecution, would like to just say that he--" he pointed at Ghostface, "--is, let's just be straight up honest here, one guilty motherfucker, and that we'd like to see him put in jail, like, as soon as possible...like right now. Can we just do that? I mean, everyone knows that he's guilty anywa--"

Suddenly Freddy bolted out of his seat and cried, "Objection! Objection, I call the Objection Amendment of the Constitution!"

The judge turned to him in surprise and said tiredly, "Mr..."

"Freddy motherfucking Kruger, bitch."

He nodded and continued. "Yes, well, Mr. Freddy Motherfucking Kruger, there is no 'Objection Amendment' anywhere in the U.S. Constitution."

"Well I object anyway."

"Oh really? And on what grounds?" the judge questioned.

Freddy faltered for a minute, but said, "Well, on this court's grounds, I guess...or, wait! I take that back! I mean the ground that I'm standing on right now _in _this courtroom." and he laughed to himself. "Ha, they can't deny me that; I was being Pacific!"

Jason frowned at this. _A) That makes absoulutley no sense whatsoever. B) Don't you mean 'specific'?_

"Shut up!" he retaliated.

Ghostface groaned and lowered his head to his hands. Freddy looked down at him, his face triumphant, and slapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry," he whispered as he sat back down, "I've got this whole thing down. There's no way that we can lose. No wa--"

"Guilty!" the judge suddenly blurted. Everyone gasped and stared at him. "I declare the defendant guilty of all of the accused charges and--"

Jason stood up and thought, _But that's not legal. There has to be a trial._

The judge glared at him. "What did I say about standing up without anything to say? I swear to God, if you don't sit down I'll throw my gavel at you!"

Michael reached over, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and hurriedly wrote a note. He held it up to the judge. _You mean that hammer thingy? Can I have it?_

"You can sit down this instant!" he snapped before turning back to the lawyer on the prosecutor's side of the courtroom and nodding. "Proceed."

The lawyer smiled gratefully as he said, "With your permission I'd like to call my first witnesses to the stand."

"Very well then. Call them."

Suddenly Michael reached over, dug Ghostface's cell phone out of his sleeve, and held it up. _You wanna borrow our phone?_

"Give it back!" Ghostface hissed as he tried to snatch it back.

Michael let him have it, but not before glaring moodily at the ground and thinking, _I just wanted to do them a favor. I mean, how are you gonna call someone without a phone?_

And without further hesitation the courtroom's doors opened and two very confused, very Hippie, vampires entered, looking down at the ground in an ashamed way. As soon as Freddy saw him he flew out of his seat and tried to jump over the table where they sat, but Jason held him back.

_Don't do it, Kruger!_

"But those assholes are testifying _against _us!"

Ghostface just looked from Juliek to Luchesi and asked pitifully, "Why are you guys doing this? I thought that you were on my side."

Juliek shrugged as he and Luchesi took their places at the witness stand. "I dunno. They said that they'd pay us if we were their witnesses, and no offense, but we need that money for some far out weed, brother."

Luchesi nodded. "Yeah, nothin' personal, we love you guys, but we love getting fuckin' _stooooned_ even more."

The lawyer smiled evilly at Freddy before turning to Luchesi and asking him flatly, "Have you ever personally witnessed the defendant using any drugs of any kind?"

The vampire shifted uneasily in his seat, putting emphasis on his bony torso; he hadn't even bothered to put a shirt on, not even for court. "I...umm...well not in the past minute or so."

The lawyer nodded before turning to Juliek. "And you?"

He just shrugged. "I guess not, unless weed counts."

"He smoked weed?"

Juliek nodded, despite the death-glare he was receiving from Freddy. "Oh, yeah, totally, dude. He just lit up before he came in."

"Oh, really?"

Another nod. "Yeah, totally. He's one tweaked cat, man."

As if to help verify his friend's story, Luchesi nodded and said, "Yeah, but don't get me wrong or anything; Ghostface is a pretty far out dude. He even shared some of it with us, right Jules?"

Juliek smiled broadly. "Uh-huh."

The lawyer just nodded and walked over to where Ghostface sat. He leaned very close to him and began talking rapidly. "Hey, Ghostface?"

"Huh?"

"You're walking down a hall; you take a left, another left, a right, keep going, then another right and—BRICK WALL!!!"

Ghostface let out a startling scream and flipped back in his chair, hitting the ground with a heavy thud. The lawyer smiled and made his way back over to where Juliek and Luchesi sat, their eyes wide.

"You...You're not gonna pull that stuff to us, are ya, dude?" Juliek dared to ask.

Luchesi swallowed. "Yeah, because we're tripping out too much to know where's up and who's down."

He shook his head. "No, but I do believe that I have proved to every person in this courtroom that the defendant is indeed high."

Michael jumped out of his seat and thought, _OBJECTION!!!_

The judge glared at him. "Mr. Myers, please--"

_Oh, sorry. _And Michael hurriedly held up a sign that Jason had quickly scribbled for him. _I object on the grounds that the the prosecution is being ridiculous. _

"In what way?" the lawyer asked. Jason and Michael glanced at each other, and Jason began writing again.

Michael held up a finger. _One sec, please..._when Jason handed him the written sign, he held it up. _It doesn't matter just how stoned Fuckfa—Ghostface is, because the prosecution's witnesses are just as high. I demand that those witnesses are disposed of in exchange for sober ones._

The judge read this and considered it. Finally he raised his gavel then brought it down, making everyone jump. "I agree with the defendant's request. Please bring forth your next witness."

The prosecuting lawyer nodded and glared at the four killers. "Fine, very well. Will the next witness take the bench?"

Everyone held their breath as the courtroom's doors slowly opened. Freddy turned to Ghostface and whispered assuringly, "Don't worry, Fuckface. Whoever it is, we can fuck them up."

He let out a groan and covered his face in his hands. "Oh, God, please help me."

"What's wrong?"

"Well it's jut that saying that you're going to fuck someone up in a courtroom _never _turns out well. Trust me. Saying that is what got me arrested for the third time down in New Mexico." and he turned around in his seat and sighed. "Holy shit, it's Jigsaw."

"I'd prefer to be called John Kramer while I'm in this courtroom, thank you." Jigsaw said as he made his way to the witness stand.

Once he had taken his seat the prosecuting lawyer went up to him and smiled. "Hello, John. Glad you decided to join us. How are you doing?"

He just rolled his eyes. "I'm dying, you idiot."

The lawyer frowned. "Really?"

Jigsaw nodded. "Yeah. I have a tumor that's forcing my brain to become crushed against my skull."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"You should be sorry. It's very painful."

The lawyer cleared his throat awkwardly. "My apologies."

John just said, "Yeah, yeah, let's just get on with it. I have an...umm..._game _with one of my friends that I scheduled in an hour and I can't be late."

"What's the rush? It's not like they're going to die if you don't show up, right?"

Jigsaw smiled a little. "You honestly haven't run background checks on any of the witnesses in this trial, have you?"

The lawyer shook his head. "No, but I trust that you wouldn't be running around freely if you were a real psychopath, right?"

"Oh, for God's fucking sakes!" Freddy blurted from over in his seat. "Can we just get on with it?!"

The lawyer nodded and asked, "So, John, you've lived in the same apartment as the defendant for how long?"

Jigsaw coughed a little and said, "Six...no, maybe a year now. I don't know. How is this relevant?"

"And out of those months or that year, how many nights has he kept you from sleep with is antics or drunken riots?"

Now Jigsaw sighed and rested his head on his hand. "Oh, you wouldn't believe it! It never stops! Every night it's the same damned thing! I swear to God, they all talk so loud that I can hear every word of their conversation."

"And have you heard the defendant mention anything on the subject of drugs?"

He nodded. "Well of course. Everyone in the whole apartment knows that he's the biggest pothead in the whole building."

Once again the lawyer flashed Freddy a sly smile. "Oh really?And has he ever offered to sell you any illegal substances?"

Jigsaw took a second to think then nodded. "Uh, yeah, yeah, I think that he did once..." and he looked up at the ceiling, as if searching for inspiration. "Yeah, but I don't remember when..."

Jason glared at Ghostface. _You idiot! In what world did it seem like a good idea to try and sell Jigsaw drugs?!_

He shrugged. "One when I was high, I'm sure, but you can't blame me!"

_Ghostface, try and concentrate on the words that I'm thinking; John...Kramer...Is...JIGSAW! He fucking punishes people for doing things that hurt them, and so you just go and try and sell him crystal meth?_

"It wasn't meth, it was--"

"It was weed, I believe." Jigsaw said. "Yes, that was it. I believe that he referred to it as 'medical marijuana'."

The prosecuting lawyer nodded and said, "Hmm. Interesting indeed. And tell me, John, to your knowledge does the defendant--"

"Oh for fuck's sakes," Ghostface suddenly blurted, "why don't you just use my name?! We all know which one of us you're talking about anyway!"

But he ignored him and continued. "To your knowledge does the defendant own a license to sell medical marijuana? And for that matter, is it even legal in this state?"

Jigsaw shook his head. "No."

The lawyer smiled smugly and took his seat. "Very good. The prosecution has no further questions."

The judge nodded and turned to Freddy. "Very well. Does the defense wish to add anything?"

Freddy just looked clueless as ever. "Wait," he said as he distractedly rapped his claws against the wood of the table, "so we're allowed to ask the witness questions too? 'Cause nobody never told me nothing."

The judge nodded. "Yes, son. Don't you know the rules of court?"

He shook his head. "Nah, not really, but we couldn't find a lawyer, so...yeah, I guess that I get to spend my whole Saturday here."

Jason just rolled his eyes. _We may not have told you all the rules of the legal system, but we did tell you that you could question the prosecuting lawyer's witnesses._

"Shut up," Freddy snapped.

The judge just frowned and stared at him oddly. "Yes, right...Mr. Kruger, were you informed that in the case that the defendant was unable to hire a lawyer for his or herself, then one may be provided to them buy the court?"

He banged his fist on the table. "Since when has _that _been a law?!"

The prosecuting lawyer let out an exasperated groan. "Are you freaking _kidding _me?! It's been a law since practically the founding of the government!"

Michael took this opportunity to raise up a sign that read: _So can we go now, or what? Because, I mean, you really can't hear us unless we write, and we're pretty lazy when it comes to that sort of stuff, so can we just go? Fuckfac—I mean, the defendant is pretty much going to jail anyway._

And Michael and Jason got up to leave, but Freddy jumped up out of his seat and declared, "I swear to fucking Jesus Christ--"

"We do not use the name of the good Lord in this courtroom!" the judge warned. Freddy just turned and glared at him.

"Oh, don't feed me that bullshit, because you can't shove the Bible in my face when you've probably sentenced people to death. Anyway," he turned back to Michael and Jason. "If you guys take one more step then...then I'll kill you."

Michael and Jason hesitated and glanced at each other before turning and continuing out of the court room. Freddy just yelled after them, "Fine, we don't need you two anyways! Right, Fuckface?"

Ghostface just laid his head on the table and whispered, "We're so_ fucked!"_

"That's the spirit!" Freddy said cheerfully as he turned back to the judge and said, "Yeah, so I guess that I'd like to question that witness now." and he made his way over to Jigsaw, looking sly. "So, how ya doin', Johnny?"

"I hate you, you know." Jigsaw said bluntly. Freddy just shrugged.

"Yeah, so? You're playing on my home field now, so that doesn't really matter."

He arched a brow. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know, just shut up and answer my question; okay, here it is...Jigsaw—a.k.a. John Kramer/the Jigsaw Killer—have you ever threatened someone's life physically or verbally?"

Jigsaw frowned. "What kind of question is that? I swear to God, you useless waste of life, when I get off of this witness stand I'm going to skin you alive..."

The prosecuting lawyer suddenly bolted to his feet and exclaimed, "Okay, I think that that's enough questioning for Mr. Kramer!"

"Shut up!" Freddy snapped at him before turning back to Jigsaw. "And have you ever once trapped someone in a deadly game and threatened to kill them if they didn't saw off their own foot?"

"I resent that question." he mumbled sulkily. The prosecuting lawyer just gasped.

"OBJECTION!"

The judge banged his gavel and glared at him. "Oh, for God's sake, what's wrong now?"

"Fucking hypocrite," Freddy muttered to himself as he crossed his arms moodily, "I can't say Jesus Christ, but he can--"

"Objection on the grounds that the questions that the defendant's lawyer isn't even a lawyer!"

The judge frowned in thought but eventually nodded. "You know what, that's true..." and he looked up at Freddy, his brows furrowed in concentration. "Mr. Kruger, do you--"

"Why the hell do you keep calling me 'Mr.'?" he asked.

The judge shrugged. "It's just what I do, son. Anyway, Mr. Kruger, on what grounds do you have the right to be the defendant's lawyer?"

Freddy opened his mouth to speak, but Ghostface beat him to it. "He has no grounds, none at all, so can I just get a new lawyer or plead guilty or something?"

"Shut up, Fuckface! I'm your lawyer and I'm a damn good one, so just sit down and shut up!" he snapped. The judge just nodded to Ghostface.

"Certainly, as long as you're willing to be your own lawyer."

"Sure, I can be my own lawy--"

"Finish that sentence and you're a fucking dead man walking."

Ghostface frowned inside of his mask. "But I'm not walki--"

"I...will..._destroy_...you."

He shrunk back in his seat and shook his head. "No, judge. I'm good. Kruger can keep being my lawyer, but can we just get on to the next witness, please? My high is staring to ware off and I'd like to get a quick smoke before getting sent to jail."

The judge said, "Okay, sure. Bring on the next witness."

" 'Es'," the prosecuting lawyer corrected. "Witness_es."_

"Whatever," Freddy said as he sat back in his seat and crossed his arms. "Let's get this freak show over with."

And in a second the courtroom's doors were opening again, and an eerie, deep voice filled the room. "Hello, Freddy. Nice to see you again."

Freddy looked back and gasped. "Pinass? Oh my God, you've got to be _kidding _me! What the hell are you doing here, bitch?"

Pinhead entered, his cenobites following close behind, silent as ever as they glared at Freddy and Ghostface. "Why Frederick, I'm here to send your boyfriend to jail."

"He's not my boyfriend! He's my rent payer dude...okay, I don't really know what he is, but he's definitely not my boyfriend."

Ghostface just began sobbing quite loudly, "Where the FUCK DO THEY FIND THESE WITNESSES?!?! Do they just look up everyone who's ever hated me in my life and call them? I hate my life, Lord, why can't I just _die?"_

Suddenly, from somewhere in the stands where the jury sat, there came the whisper of, "Hey, dude, think fast!"

And a little plastic baggie of weed fell at Ghostface's feet. He looked around to see Juliek and Luchesi waving at him enthusiastically. Freddy's mouth just hung open for a second before he turned back to the judge and cried, "Oh, come on! You can't use _their _testimony! Did you see what they just--"

The prosecuting lawyer cleared his throat and said, "Um, excuse me, your honor, the prosecution would just like to point out that any information about the witnesses personal lives outside of this courtroom is strictly confidential."

Ghostface just scoffed. "What? That makes no sense! The point of a witness is to be a legitimate source of information and--"

"Hey, Fuckface?" Freddy asked.

He turned to him. "Yeah?"

"Just shut your bitch ass up so we can get this over with." And they both grew silent as the prosecuting lawyer went up to the witness stand where Pinhead and his cenobites were crammed.

"So, Pinhead and friends, have you ever--"

"They are my cenobites."

He arched a brow. "I'm sorry, your _what?"_

"My cenobites." he repeated. "You know, demons, minions of Satan or whatever; that's them."

Everyone in the courtroom was silent until Ghostface let out an exasperated sigh and blurted, "What the fuck? You're going to listen to _him?! _He's a fucking Satanist!"

Pinhead frowned at this. "Well technically, since I pretty much am the Devil, then I am a Me-ist."

The judge banged his gavel and yelled, "The religious beliefs of the witnesses will not be taken into account, thank you very much, Ghostface." and he glanced at Pinhead and his cenobites and added, "Whether or not they're Satanists is not relative to this trial."

He shook his head and sank back into his seat. "Whatever, let's just get this over with."

The prosecuting lawyer went over to where Pinhead, Butterball, and the Chatterer sat and cleared his throat. "So, it is my understanding that you and your friends lived with the defendant for a short period."

Pinhead nodded. "Oh yeah, totally. We sure did...until he banished us to Hell, that is."

He furrowed his brow and inquired, "To Hell, you say?"

"Uh...yeah, I believe that's what happened, right Ghostface?" he called over to the slumped figure of Ghostface in the chair. "That's what happened, right?"

"Yeah," he mumbled so quietly that he was nearly inaudible. "Yeah, I think that's what went down."

Pinhead just smiled. "Yeah, so you can understand how that put a bit of a damper on the whole 'friendship' thing."

The lawyer nodded. "Of course, but you know that I have to ask this; based on your prior knowledge of the defendant, would you believe him to perform any of the actions accused of him?"

Pinhead took a second to glance at the Chatterer and Butterball before nodding one last time. "Yes, I do."

The lawyer nodded and made his way back over to his seat. "The prosecution is done questioning the witness."

The judge sighed and nodded. "Very well. Does the defense wish to add any--"

"Excuse me, your honor?" Ghostface suddenly said. "The defense would like to rest its case, please."

He frowned. "But you know that that means that you actually _quit _the trial, don't you? It means that you are done defending yourself and are at the mercy of whatever further evidence the prosecution chooses to provide?"

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah, we--"

"Hell no we don't give up," Freddy interrupted. "But we would like to request a short recess, your honor."

The judge once again banged his gavel and proclaimed, "The court will take a short recess, but will continue shortly." and he rose out of his seat and walked off, murmuring how Ghostface was as good as guilty with or without a recess.


	39. The Final Episode PART II

The Final Episode PART II—Ghostface Goes To Court

_The...End of the End...? Yeah, let's go with that_

* * *

Well I guess this is it, folks. Enjoy. ^_^ *heartfelt author's note at the end*

* * *

Alrightly then...where did we leave off? Oh yes, Ghostface had gotten sent to court for some reason or another and Freddy requested--and was granted--a short recess. Assuming that you all know what that means, let's officially begin the episode...

"I think that we need a new plan."

"What was your first clue, idiot?"

"I could do without your bitchieness, thanks...hey, what the fuck do you think that you're doing?!" Freddy exclaimed as he heard the slight _click _of a lighter and looked up. Both him and Ghostface were currently held up in the boy's bathroom, trying in vain to figure out a new, better strategy than the one before. However, Ghostface was now holding a freshly rolled joint to the mouth piece of his mask and trying to flick on a lighter.

He looked over at Freddy and shrugged. "What? I thought that we had pretty much established that I like to get fuckin' stooooooned..."

Freddy just let out a roar of frustration and snatched the lighter away from him. "Dummy! You can't do that! What the hell do you think this is?! Some kind of _Scary Movie? _What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ghostface sighed and hid the joint of marijuana up the sleeve of his shirt. "Well you aren't actually thinking of a way to get us out of this, so I figured that a little motivation wouldn't hurt."

"I am so thinking of a way!" he protested as he began to pace back and forth, his arms folded behind his back and his mind working madly. "Maybe if we...no, that wouldn't work...well maybe if we--damn it, we'd need Myers and Voorhees for that..." and he looked desperatley at Ghostface. "What the hell are we gonna do?!"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I stopped trying to figure stuff out, like, 1599 episodes ago."

"That would explain a lot."

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah, I guess it would." and he paused before asking, "Hey, how long did we have for this little recess thingy again?"

Freddy's eyes grew wide as he grabbed Ghostface's arm and hurried him out of the bathroom. "Oh shit, I totally forgot that we only had a limited amount of time!"

And both killers hurried back into the courtroom, feeling just as utterly helpless and miserable as they had before the recess.

* * *

As they made their way back over to their side of the courtroom, the prosecuting lawyer glared at them and silently mouthed, _You're going down!_

Ghostface just glared at him intently through his mask and said in an undertone, "Jedi mind powers ACTIVATE!"

Freddy glanced nervously around to make sure that no one had heard him before inquiring, "What the fuck was that spazz out, you retard?"

He was still glaring at the prosecuting lawyer as he hissed, "I'm killing him with my mind."

"What?"

"I'm killing him."

Freddy nodded. "Yeah, right. I think that I got that part, but what the fuck are you talking about?"

"...with my mind, I'm killing him." when Freddy remained silent Ghostface sighed and said as if it were obvious, "I'm making his brain explode with my _mind..._duh."

From over where the rest of the jury sat there came the encouraging cry of, "Yeah, dude, right on!"

And, "Yeah, tell it like it is, brother!"

Freddy glared over at Luchesi and Juliek and pressed his finger to his lips. "Shut the fuck up the two of you and don't encourage him. He's already in enough trouble without you two getting in the--"

Suddenly Ghostface gasped and pointed at the witness stand. He punched Freddy in the ribs, making him gasp and turn to him. "Ow! What the fuck?"

"Look! Look at who the next witnesses are!"

Freddy rolled his eyes and glanced up at the witness stand. His blood ran cold. "Myers?! Voorhees?! What the _fuck _are you guys doing testifying for _him?"_

Michael just shrugged and thought loftily, _Don't look at me, it was Jason's idea._

And at nearly the same moment Jason thought, _It was all Michael's fault._

Ghostface fell limply into his seat and slapped his forehead. "We...we're going to die. I'm going to jail!" and he became panicked suddenly and turned to Freddy and began shouting, "I can't survive in jail! They'll rape me to pieces! I'll kill myself!"

Freddy recoiled as he sat down as well, a look of disgust on his face. "Just shut the fuck up and let me do the talking, okay? I can play these idiots like they're a motherfucking violin...s....violins, as in plural violin. Yeah, that's it." and he crossed his arms and ran a finger along the brim of his had as he thought. It was then that the judge stepped back up to his seat and cleared his throat.

"Very well then. The defense has been given the recess that it requested, and the case of Ghostface vs. The Whole World will continue. Will the prosecution please bring fourth their next witnesses?"

The lawyer rose to his feet and nodded briskly. "Already done, your honor. With your permission may I proceed with the interrogation?"

The judge shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. There's nothing better to do, anyway." and he leaned back in his seat and watched as the prosecuting lawyer approached the witness stand where Jason and Michael stood.

"So, Misters Jason Voorhees and Michael Aud--"

Michael suddenly held up a sign that read: _You don't have to really say my middle name, sir. We know who I am..._

But the lawyer said it anyway, paying no attention to the quickly scribbled sign, and said, "Michael Audrey Myers--" Ghostface and Freddy--along with everyone else in the courtroom stifled laughs, even Jason--but the lawyer didn't notice. "--are past roommates of the accused, are you not?"

Michael turned to Jason and thought, _Are we not what?_

Jason just sighed and rolled his eyes. He reached forward, quickly wrote a sign, and then held it up for everyone in the courtroom to see. _Yes, we are. _

The lawyer nodded at this and then inquired, "And would you say that he was a trustworthy person? One who always ate his vegetables, brushed his teeth, paid his rent, and...oh, let's say, just for hypothetical reasons, did drugs?"

Freddy jumped to his feet and declared, "OBJECTIO--"

"Just shut it and sit down." Ghostface snapped as he pulled Freddy back into his seat. He glared at him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? I told you that I could handle it!"

"Yeah, you're gonna handle us, alright, right into jail. Now shit it and shit down."

Freddy just grumbled and turned his attention back to Michael as he held up a sign that read: _Did he eat his vegetables? Why eat vegetables when YOU COULDA HAD A V8, DUMBASS! _And in an instant Michael had pulled an unopened V8 out of his pocket and flunt it at the lawyer's face. He dodged it with superhuman speed--because as we all know, lawyers are anything but human--and straightened his tie.

"You left out the question mark on that sentence. 'Why eat vegetables when you could've had a V8, dumbass(?)'."

Michael and Jason glanced at each other before scribbling together, _Really? Oh well, we have another one we could throw at you if you want us to repeat the whole question..._

But he shook his head and held up his hands. "No, no, I don't believe that that's necessary. Thank you, but if you would please just answer the question..."

Michael grabbed some paper and began writing. Everyone in the courtroom was silent as he held up his message. _Yeah, so is it legal to just straight up admit that he's guilty? I mean, the guy not only got me hooked on weed--_

_And phonics. _Jason thought. Michael glared at him but held up the sign a little higher.

_--but he also raped me pretty much, like, every night, so yeah, I'd have to say that he's guilty of every single thing that he's being charged with...can I go home now?_

Freddy jumped up and yelled, "Objection!"

The judge glared down at him. "On what grounds?"

"I already told you!" he insisted. Ghostface lowered his head and thought, _Please, let him say anything but-- _"On the grounds of this courtroom!"

Jason held up a sloppily written sign. _Yeah, well I object to Kruger's stupidness._

Michael nodded and added, _Yeah, and I object to Ghostface's innocence!_

Ghostface glared at him and his sign. "I..._hate_...you..."

Suddenly the judge banged down his gavel and yelled, "Silence! Everyone in this courtroom will be silenced! Now, if the prosecution has nothing to add, the testimony of his witnesses will be voided."

The prosecuting lawyer's eyes grew wide. "Voided? But why?"

"Because it has become apparent to me that one of the witnesses--Audrey Myers--"

Michael winced in what was almost pain. _God, why did that have to be my middle name?_

"--has engaged in sexual intercourse with the defendant, so therefore any of his testimony is purley emotional."

The lawyer frowned and protested, "But that doesn't even make sense!"

The judge ignored his protest. "And the testimony of Mister Voorhees will also not be considered in the final verdict, because it has become apparent to me that both witnesses suffer from some kind of...mental problem."

Jason nodded. _You have no earthly idea, do you?_

"And so if the prosecution would bring forth their next witness, the case may continue."

The lawyer sighed. "Yes, your honor." and he turned to Jason and Michael. "You guys can go home now. Thanks for the help anyways."

Both killers nodded and stepped down from the witness stand. They made their way past the glaring Freddy and sobbing Ghostface and to their seats in the courtroom.

And the doors of the courtroom opened once more to reveal the next witness...

* * *

Four very confused looking young men stepped into the courtroom, their eyes wide and their neat suits looking particularly clean. Freddy frowned and blurted, "Who the fuck are they?"

Ghostface looked up and gasped. He sank down into his seat and hissed, "Oh God...please don't let it be--"

"Oi, John, I lost me drumsticks, I did." one distinctly British voice said.

Another answered it. "What's that, Ringo? I wasn't really listening..."

"Why are we here again? I thought that we were due to arrive in Liverpool a few hours ago...do you have any clue, George?"

There was silence to this question as all four boys were guided to the witness stand and sat down. The shortest one--and also the one with the largest, most prominent nose--looked around and asked cluelessly, "Is this another press conference?"

The one called John just rested his head on his hand and commented, "What's that, Ringo? I wasn't really listening...where you, Paul?"

Another one of the boys shook his head. "No, where you, George?"

Finally George spoke, his voice sounding soft, quiet, and tentative. "We're not at another press conference, are we? John you said no more press conferences..."

And suddenly Freddy let out a gasp of realization. "Wait! I know who they are!" the four men stared at him, but he didn't back down. "What the fuck are the Beatles doing here? Aren't John and George dead?"

Ghostface nodded. "Yeah, John got assassinated and George died cause of cancer..."

"Then what the hell are they doing here?"

"That's a jolly good question. What are we doing here?" John asked as he looked down at the lawyer. Suddenly Paul gasped and elbowed him. He pointed at Ghostface, his eyes wide.

"Oi, wasn't that the one bloke who stabbed George and stole Ringo's drumsticks?"

Ringo just acted like no one had spoken and said in a soft way, "I'm the one that never speaks."

Everyone in the courtroom was silent and totally confused for a second before the prosecuting lawyer stepped up to where the Beatles sat and smiled. "Good afternoon, boys. How are you all doing?"

"Well considering that me and George are supposed to be dead, I'd say jolly good, or at least a right better sight than we _were, _in any case." John commented. Ringo just smiled.

"We just back from Liverpool, mate; thousands of screaming girls throwing themselves at you...how do you think we're doing? Damn fine! Right, George?"

George just sniffled and shrugged, but remained ever silent, although Freddy was sure that he could hear the Beatle mumble to himself, "I hate press conferences..."

Freddy blurted, "This ain't no fucking press conference, you prick!" and only when everyone-including Ghostface-stared at him wide-eyed did he sigh and close his mouth. John just frowned, took a cigarette out of pocket, and lit up. He inhaled deeply before speaking.

"Well I think that the real reason that we're here is because that bloke-" he pointed at Ghostface, "-stole me skull a ways back and took Ringo's drumsticks."

Paul nodded. "Yeah, I remember that. It was all very traumatizing, right, Ring?"

Ringo just shrugged and began nervously drumming on the witness stand with his ringed fingers. "I dunno...I guess..."

George sighed. "I hate bloody press conferences..."

Suddenly the prosecuting lawyer asked, "What happened on that particular occasion where the defendant stole Ringo's drumsticks and John's skull?"

"Well we was on tour, wasn't we now?" Paul asked, turning to George, who just nodded.

"Yeah, I guess."

Freddy just cleared his throat awkwardly. "Umm...excuse me? None of this makes any sense whatsoever. Beatlemania happened way back in the 1960s, way before Fuck--umm...Ghostface, so how could he have just--"

Ghostface just shook his head and motioned for silence. "Ssssh, man. Just _Let It Be._"

Suddenly Paul jumped up, pointed at him and howled, "Oi, there it is, clear as day! Copyright infringement!"

In the back where the other jurors sat, Michael thought cluelessly, _What the hell is copyright infringement anyways?! Everyone keeps bringing it up like it's important, but I have no clue what it is..._

Freddy turned around and yelled at him, "Shut the fuck up, you idiot! We don't need you!"

And the Beatles testified against Ghostface for a few more hours before Freddy finally sighed and pulled a gun out of his pocket. He aimed it at John and said with a smile, "Hey, Mr. Lennon!" and just as the singer looked his way, he pulled the trigger. George's eyes grew wide as he looked down at his friend's corpse and Freddy turned the gun on him too.

"I never liked fucking shy pricks." and the gun went off again, and George dropped dead as well. In the end Paul and Ringo both had to be escorted out of the courtroom, because Freddy was still waving the gun in the air, aiming it at Ringo, and yelling, "That fucking big-nosed, midget Jew ruining my case! I'll kill him!"

Meanwhile the judge just sat there with his head resting on his hand half sleeping. He banged his gavel and ordered, "On to the next witness!"

* * *

As soon as he said this with a bright flash of white light and a high-pitched, howling, "_Hee-hee!" _Michael Jackson appeared before the courtroom. He flashed his shimmering glove and pointed at Ghostface. "He is guilty!" and then with another magical exclamation of, "The love, it's all about the love, people!" he was gone. Freddy just fell back into his seat, his arms hanging limply at his sides, his eyes wide.

"What the fuck is going _on _here?! Why are all of the witnesses dead dudes?!"

The prosecuting lawyer ignored him and asked the judge, "May we call forth our next witness?"

The judge nodded. "You may."

And in an instant the doors opened again and a young man with a neat haircut entered, carrying with him a briefcase of his own and a single, white feather clutched in his left hand. Ghostface sank down in his seat and muttered, "Oh dear Lord, please don't let it be--"

"My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump, your honor-ation." the man said as he took his seat at the witness stand. Ghostface let out a little whimper of defeat, but Freddy just sat there amazed.

"Seriously? What the _fuck _is happening in this world?!"

Forrest Gump ignored them and asked the judge, "Sir, mister, may I please maybe begin tellin' my story?" he asked in his heavily accented voice. The judge nodded kindly.

"Yes, son, you may."

Forrest nodded and looked at the people in the courtroom. "Well, I guess that I ain't the smartestest person in this here court room, but I know a thing or two about him." he pointed at Ghostface. The prosecuting lawyer, excited at the prospect of finally having a good witness, nodded eagerly.

"Go ahead, son."

Forrest continued. "Well, I guess that it all started back when I was a kid. Me and my mamma owned a bed and breakfast and peoples was always comings and goins and livin' outta their suitcases and pencil cases and hat cases and bible cases and court cases and--"

"Okay, we get it!" Freddy exclaimed, "We get it already, move on!"

He just nodded and continued. "Right, and we's had lotsa fun back then, my mamma and me, and one day this fella came in with his guitar case and he--"

"Was Elvis, right?" Freddy inturrupted once more. Forrest nodded and chuckled a little.

"Well golly gee, he sure was! How'd you know, mister?"

" 'Cause I saw the fucking movie, now hurry up and skip ahead to the part where Fuckface was involved so we can get outta here!"

Forrest nodded and smiled. "Yeah, well okay, and one day that fella there came in and he brought with him a big groupa weird peoples all dressed in ragses and whatnot...well anyways, my mamma rented them out a room and would you believe it, but he was smokin' somethin' aweful strange, and when I asked him what it was he said that it was the future, and when I said that I didn't know what that was, he--"

"Oh, just fuck it." Ghostface exclaimed as he rose from his seat and held out his hands. "I'll just come quietly now, if you don't mind."

The judge raised a brow. "So...you're confessing? Just like that?"

A ways away the prosecuting lawyer let out a subtle little victiorious exclimation of, "_Yes!"_

But Pinhead stood up from his seat in the jury and cleared his throat. "Umm...excuse me? Instead of sentencing the accused to jail, may I suggest an alternative form of punishment?"

Now Freddy bolted out of his seat, aimed yet another gun at Pinhead, and shook his head. "Oh _hell no, _bitch! Either you shut your dirty mouth right now or your ass is grass!"

Pinhead just blinked and said intensly, "Do I look like a man who gives a damn what God thinks?!"

The judge just sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Okay, okay! I declare the defendant, Roman Whateveritsomaybe Ghostface, guilty of whatever he was charged with and he shall be sentenced for life in the same maximum-security prison as Charles Manson until the day he dies!"

Ghostface let out a relieved "Yes!" and didn't struggle as the baliff came forth and slapped a pair of handcuffs around his wrists. Freddy just stood there looking confused and angry as he stared from Jason and Michael to Pinhead then back to Ghostface.

"Wait one fucking second!" he yelled suddenly. Everyone in the courtroom grew silent and stared at him expectantly until he said, "Okay, well the thing is that...well..." and without further hesitation he aimed the gun sideways at Pinhead and said, "Okay, well we sorta need Fuckface to pay this month's rent, so I kinda demand that you uncuff him and give him back of Pinass gets it."

In their seats Juliek, Luchesi, Michael, and Jason rose to their feet and began slowly making their way out of the courtroom. Pinhead just just gasped and exclaimed, "Killshot! He's holding the gun sideways! Killshot, killshot!"

"Killshot your motherfucking ass, bitch!" and Freddy pulled the trigger, lunged forward, and yanked Ghostafce away from the baliff while everyone was shocked. "Come on, you idiot. I knew that this shit was a waste of time, but I was sorta hoping that we'd be able to settle things a bit more..."

"Functionally?"

Freddy narrowed his eyes at him and pushed him towards the door. "Just shut up and let's get the fuck outta here."

And so on that day Freddy Kruger, Ghostface, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Juliek and Luchesi hurried out of the courtroom and into the old, beat up Winnebago that sat waiting in the parking lot, and drove away.

* * *

When the got home Juliek and Luchesi hopped out of the car, both laughing and nudging each other. "Boy, that sure was outta sight, huh?"

Luchesi nodded. "Yeah, and I sure as heck got into whatever that one Beatle cat was rapping about..."

Juliek raised an eyebrow. "Oh, f'rill? Which one? The one with the face or the arm?"

"The one with the face and the whole British thing about him..."

He nodded and smiled. "True, true..."

Freddy just rolled his eyes and urged them towards their own apartment complex. "Okay, well piss off, then. We're done here."

And the two vampires staggered off to their own apartment and left Freddy, Ghostface, Michael, and Jason standing in the parking lot of Wimbleton Apartments alone, with sirens blaring some distance away. Jason sighed. _Well I guess that's it then; we could finally leave if we wanted to, couldn't we?_

Michael nodded. _Yeppers. We sure could, but they'd always be looking for us, wouldn't they?_

Freddy frowned and clinked his metal claws together. "Yeah, no where in San Antonio is really safe anymore..."

Ghostface looked down and said awkwardly, "Sorry, guys. I guessed that I ruined everything. If we don't check back into the apartment, I suppose that we'll be in trouble, but if we stay we'll all get arrested."

Jason stared from Ghostface to Freddy, a smile growing under his hockey mask. _Well no one said that we had to stay. After all, we're already in a heap of trouble, so..._

_I hate this place, you know. _Michael thought as he jammed his hands deep into the pockets of his jumpsuit. Freddy grinned wickedly.

"Well then what the fuck are we still doing here? This place was starting to reek anyway, right?"

Everyone looked at him hopefully and Ghostface asked tentatively, "Really? Can we really..."

He shrugged. "I don't give a fuck. I just shot Pinhead in the face and he should be waking up and hunting me down any time, so I sure as hell can't stay here."

Slow, steady, small smiles began to creep onto their faces, and in an instant they were all diving back into the van. _Who is driving? _Jason thought.

_I want to!_

"You can't Michael, you're too stupid. Just let me--"

"No way in hell, Fuckface. I'm driving."

And Freddy took the driver's seat and backed the Winnebago out of the parking lot and stamped on the gas. The van let out a shudder, but then screeched off into the busy, bustling streets of San Antonio leaving behind it Wimbleton Apartments and the lifeless room number 1331.

And now I feel that we may finally and happily say,

**_**THE_**

**_END**_**

* * *

A/N**

Did I do a good enough job? I sure hope so. *Sigh* Well, it's been fun, I guess. Thanks for reading, and don't despair too much; I'll update it..._eventually. _I plan to add at least three more episodes, but not anywhere in the near future. This, however, can officially be considered a final episode, so I hope that you've enjoyed the series and for the final time

PEACE

LOVE

& HIPPIENESS.

[thank you]

This series was begun on:

6-18-09

And completed on:

12:55 PM on Sunday, March 28, 2010

...

_Reviews = Love_


	40. Mini Sode 1Just a Quarter Please

Mini Sode 1-Just a Quarter

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Freddy rolled his eyes and asked, "What the fuck is wrong now?"

He shrugged. "I am just really, really, really, really, really, really...what was I just saying? Oh yeah, really bored. Can't we do something fun?"

Jason glared at him._ Absolutely not. We're not doing anything 'fun' because the last time we did it resulted in Michael having a psychopathic breakdown in the bathroom, you slitting your wrists open and crying, 'JUST TWO MORE YEARS TILL I GRADUATE,' and Freddy hyperventilating from laughing so hard. And me...I just got scarred for life._

Michael shook his head. _It was not a psychopathic breakdown! I just threw a few things against the wall._

Jason: _Yeah like the entire sink...and then you just curled up in a fetal position and cried for your therapist and Thorazine. _

Freddy laughed. "Ha! Myers can't function without his brain doctor and schizophrenic juice-"

Michael: _Shut up!_

"Oh Myers, please! It's like you can't take a joke-"

"Well why don't we all just shut up?" Ghostface suggested. They all quited down and continued to watch the T.V. In silence. Then he got up and went for the door. Freddy stared at him.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. Anywhere but here...it's too loud here. I'm getting a headache. I'll be back-"

Jason: _You keep talking like you think that we care which is odd because we don't._

Ghostface's shoulders slumped as he reached for the door handle. "Yeah. Right. Thanks guys. I always knew that I could count on you." and he slammed the door behind him.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Ghostface sighed as he crossed his arms and made his way through the crowded San Antonio streets. It was a warm night but a wet one; rain had made just about everything damp. He ignored the smothering dankness as he walked down the streets and dug his phone out of his black and theatrical sleeve.

He dialed the number quickly, found a damp bench to sit on and waited for it to finish ringing. Finally a voice spoke up on the other line sounding wary but open. "Hello?"

Ghostface chuckled. "Hey Sidney...what's your favorite scary movie?"

She gasped. "Who...who is this?"

He burst out in laughter now, doubling over on the bench while people passed by and stared at him oddly. "C'mon Sid...let's play a game. Let's see...ah, I can see you in the shower Sidney-"

On the other line Sidney Prescott called out, "Please...just leave me...a...lo-alo-"

Ghostface stopped laughing and snapped into the cell phone, "What?!" no sound came through, only fragments of speech. He sighed, got up and began walking down the street. "Hey. Sid? Can you hear me now?"

"No...I ca-an-"

He rolled his eyes and walked on, past prying and staring pedestrians. "Can you hear me now?" he paused and took a few more steps. "How about now?" when no sound came through his yelled out in frustration and threw his phone onto the ground.

"Fucking son of a bitch! God damn it! Shit!" he yelled as people around him stopped and stared at him with concerned looks on their faces.

One of them grabbed Ghostface's shoulder and asked timidly, "Sir are you-"

"Get off of me!" Ghostface yelled as he broke free of the man's grasp and began to walk away. He stormed off huffily and continued walking until he slipped in a puddle and fell flat on his ass. He growled and screamed, "What the fuck is this!?"

Why was his life so suckish? Why did he have to live with the rest of those...those idiots? Ghostface sighed and got to his feet and dusted himself off then just stood there with his hands on his hips. Why did everyone and their brother insist upon staring at him as they walked by?

Ghostface sighed and figured that it was time that he actually took care of his own problems and got a quarter to call Sidney himself or go home cold, wet and pissy. He looked around then took a deep breath.

He made his way over to an old woman on the opposite side of the street, held out his hand and asked in the nicest voice that he could manage, "Excuse me ma'am can I trouble you for a quarter?"

She glared at him and clutched her purse close to her. "May I."

He swallowed. "May I...what?"

"May I have a quarter ma'am?" she said. He slapped his forehead in frustration.

"May I have a quarter ma'am."

She shook her head. "No sir you may not."

Ghostface sighed exasperatedly. "But why not? I just said what you wanted me to."

She smiled at him now, a cleaver and victorious smile. "You didn't say the magic word sonny."

"Okay...may I have a quarter ma'am or I'll gut you like a fish?"

The old woman staggered back in surprise and shook her head. "No, no, no. Goodness no! May I please have a quarter, ma'am? Thank you."

Ghostface gritted his teeth but managed to say curtly, "_May_ I please have a quarter ma'am? Thank you." and he held out his hand again but the old woman didn't make a move to give him the money. He swallowed. "What's wrong now?"

"I don't like you, sonny. That's what's wrong. Goodness me! If I wanted a quarter in my day I'd have to earn it, but you hippies today and your rock 'n roll don't even know the meaning of a hard-earned dollar!"

Ghostface interrupted her rambling. "Ma'am all I want is a-"

"Then earn it yourself!"

"But I need to make a call!"

She looked back up at him. "Really? Well that changes everything...police! This man is trying to mug me! Police!"

Ghostface tried to cover her mouth but a group of people had already been attracted by the old woman's screams so he just decided to abandon the plan and run away. He soon found another couple though and went up to them looking desperate and longing.

He held out his hand and begged them, "Please all I want is a quarter to make a call, just one is all I need."

The man smiled at his girl and said kindly, "Well all you had to do is ask. Here you go." and he dropped a shiny quarter in Ghostface's gloved hand. The girl smiled.

"Godspeed brother."

Ghostface nodded. "Thanks man." and he turned and ran off in search of a pay phone.

It didn't take him long to find another pay phone. He shoved the quarter into the slot and dialed the number and waited for Sidney to pick up. When she did he exclaimed into the phone, "Hey Sid! I'm back and guess what? I got a quarter!"

She chuckled. "Well that's great I guess. But hey, listen. I can't play phone-tag with you tonight I have a-"

"A hot date? An appointment? A prior engagement? Yeah I can understand that talking to a deranged killer may not be the coolest thing to do on a Saturday night but-hey Sid? You still there?" the line went dead again and Ghostface slammed the phone on the base and pounded it until it was just a mere hunk of scrap.

"Son of a bitch!" and he looked up at the sky as it began to drizzle. "Why God? What do you have against me anyway? How the fuck do you expect me to get another quarter if you keep cutting me off, you bastard!"

People were now stopping in the street and staring at him now, not caring if he spotted them or not. Ghostface sighed and said to them, "It's okay. I'll be fine. Just allow me to step away and slit my wrists for a second unless...hey any of you wouldn't happen to have a quarter, would you?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, all the people scattered in different directions and Ghostface was left to stand in the rain alone. He sighed and wrung out his black hood as it began to pour down and then he began walking down the street and around the curb, his shoes squelching in the rain.

The next crowd of people he came to were standing under the awning of a convenience store selling Girl Scout cookies. He smiled under his mask and went up to the troop leader. "Listen lady. I've had a hard night and all I want is a quarter. Please I really need to make a call."

She didn't meet his gaze, just motioned for the little Girl Scouts to move away from Ghostface. "I'm sorry but unless you're looking to make a purchase then-"

Ghostface slipped his knife out of his sleeve and put it to her throat while the other girls watched with wide eyes. "Listen bitch I've had a hell of a night...please just one fucking quarter!"

Her eyes filled with fear as she pushed the whole money pouch at him and cried, "Take it all! Just don't steal the cookies! You can even have one of the girls! But please take Samantha...she's just been a burden on the troop since the day she joined."

Ghostface took the money pouch and turned but hesitated. "You know what ma'am?"

"Y-yes?"

He smacked his lips and dug out some 10s and 20s from the money pouch. "Can I have a box of Thin Mints?"

As Ghostface walked in the rain he slipped some cookies under his mask and whistled a happy tune. Why? Because Girl Scout cookies make everyone happy inside. Finally he found another pay phone and once again punched the numbers in and inserted his money. "Hey...Sidney? Please tell me that you're there..."

"Yeah I'm here. What do you want? I have a date with Detective Kincaid and he'll be here soon-"

"Oh a date? Where are you going?"

"Oh I dunno. Maybe some place classy like the Olive Garden."

Ghostface shook his head. "Nah. That place sucks. What you're gonna wanna do is go to the iHop."

She scoffed. "The iHop? As in the International House Of-"

"Yes you slow, slow little girl. We all know what it stands for. But you're gonna wanna take him there and...wait...what was that?" and from behind him there came the jingle of metal. Ghostface turned around slowly and stared at the police officer as he twirled the handcuffs in the air.

He gently put the phone back on the base and muttered, "Oh shit son." As his mind flashed back to the Girl Scout leader, the demolished phone and the old woman he held his pale wrists out to the officer. "I think that I'll come quietly."

The police officer flashed him a cunning smile and said slyly, "No need son. I'll let you go...for a small fee of course..."

So Ghostface came storming into the apartment a few hours later cold, wet and pissy...and cookie less. Freddy barley glanced at him as he sat down. "What happened to you?"

Ghostface sighed. "Oh I don't wanna talk about it." and he shifted his gaze to the T.V., still thinking about those Think Mint cookies.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What's the difference between a regular episode and a mini sode? Just this-the mini one is shorter, has less little 'chapter' dividers and is usually focused on the sufferings of one main slasher instead of the whole gang whereas the regular episodes might focus on all four and have a much larger plot so to speak. But this one is just something that I felt had to be done. As always I hope that you enjoyed it and thanks for reading. And umm...yeah...

PEACE. 3


	41. Mini Sode 2Freddy Speaks Out

Mini Sode-Freddy Speaks Out Against Kanye

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Hey there kids! This is Freddy Kruger speaking to you live from my laptop! Okay here's the deal...this is a 'special' episode, meaning that since Ghostface, Myers and Voorhees are all asleep and I'm bored, I'm going to be talking to you! Yay! Okay now down to business.

Okay, so me and the other fuck heads were watching those-what do you call them?-Video Music Awards and this blond chick accept her award for Best Female Video then this asshole named Kane or Kanye jumps on stage.

Shall I quote?

No, I don't think that I will, but you get the idea. He just jumps on the motherfucking stage in the beginning of Tay Tay's motherfucking speech and is all like, 'Ah son Beyonce had the best motherfucking video of all time!'

Through all of this my Taylor is standing there with her pretty blond hair and perfect ass nearly crying and for what?

THAT BASTARD KANYE, AMERICA HATES YOU SO WHY DON'T YOU GO AND DIE!!!! No, scratch that...you know what?

Me and the guys actually talked it out and we've come to a unanimous decision...

Kanye, we love you. Even though your career is now officially over, we still love you. Sure, we may kill people, drive drive them crazy even, but what you did almost tops us all. I mean, you made a _girl _cry, and not just any girl, a _teenage girl. _C'mon man, that's pure poetic gold!

But anyway, mister Kruger still thinks that you acted nobly, but who cares about what I think? The economy is in a downwards spiral, our #1 concern is Taylor Swift's ruined acceptance speech. What's the big deal? I mean, Beyonce still let her say the motherfucking thing! Now what wold America do if I went into Taylor Swift's dream and slaughtered her?

I would be dragged from this apartment, bound, gagged and stoned to death-and not in a good way that involves drugs. So why don't we just move on and exercise our rights as Americans and boycott Kanye? C'mon, people! Get over it!

Besides, maybe if we give Kanye another chance he'll show up to-wait, what was that? Ah shit, man...KANYE WEST????

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Just as Freddy finishes typing the paragraph above, Kanye West bursts into the room. He points at Freddy and howls, "Hey dog, don't hate, appreciate! Beyonce totally should've won that award and America knows it!"

From down on the floor-his sleeping place-Ghostface popped his head up. He looked from Freddy to Kanye and cried, "What the hell is going on around here? Kanye West? What are you-"

"Shut yo mouth fool!" Kanye screamed as he took Freddy's laptop and hit Ghostface over the head with it.

Ghostface grunted and dropped onto the floor with a bang. Freddy swallowed and looked down at his broken laptop. "What the hell was that for?"

"Hey man, you know that B. dizzle should have won that motherfu-"

"Hey man, watch your mouth! There will be kids reading this!"

Kanye frowned and put his hands on his hips. "Whatchu talkin' bout? What's with all this 'reading' stuff? I'm a straight up G. and I don' need no books!"

Freddy rolled his eyes, stood up, dusted himself off and smoothed out his Christmas sweater. Then he turned to the singer and said, "Mister West, I'm not sure if you're aware but many people in America were shocked and appalled at your childish behavior at the VMAs. Some would say that Taylor Swift deserved it and that it was hilarious and some would say otherwise, but I must say that in either case we should not take it lightly. If we let your downright idiotic behavior slide, then where will that lead us? How many other stars would suffer at your hands mister Kanye West? When would the death and destruction end?"

Kanye stared at Freddy for a long second then finally said, "Hey man, you're right. It was a deplorable behavior on my part and I must admit that I regret it. Will you forgive me America?"

"First of all my name isn't 'America'. Secondly, you can take it up with God." Freddy said as he gently fingered his razored hand.

The singer seemed oblivious. "Whatchu talkin' bout man. Don't need this shit from a freak like you, son."

Without another word, Freddy jammed his claws into Kanye's neck. The singer went down immediately with the last words, "Be...yon...ce..."

The Freddy turned to Ghostface and nudged him with the tip of his shoe. Ghostface grunted and rolled over, rubbing his aching head. "Ow...what the fuck-"

"Clean up this mess." Freddy said as he motioned to the broken laptop pieces.

"But why did you kill Kanye?"

"Because it would've just happened again which means that there would've been even more Taylor Swift fans complaining and whining in the Internet chat rooms...it was just the best option. Now clean it up."

Ghostface sighed and got to his feet. "Man screw this shit..."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

If you didn't understand it, the story's P.O.V. Was simple; at first Freddy was narrating then it switched to normal P.O.V., the likes of which I'm not sure-first, second or thrid...who cares, you can picture it can't you?

Did Kanye deserve this? I'm not taking sides. I hear that Taylor Swift is a nice person...and not just news or tabloid stories, either. My sister's friend's mom met her at the gym. Taylor gave her free tickets and backstage passes. When they met Taylor actually remembered her. In that way I actually like Taylor.

As for Kanye's behavior, I think that it was ridiculous. I know that my mother has raised me with the simple Golden Rule; 'Treat everyone the way you want to be treated' and 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all'. Whether or not you agree is your business. Thanks for reading.


	42. Interview 1Legalization Of Weed

**Scream For Me Interview 1—LEGALIZATION OF WEED**

* * *

Freddy sighed and stretched out on the couch. "Today is-"

"Boring," Ghostface completed. He glared over at him.

"I'm sorry, Fuckface, but I don't recall asking you to finish my-"

"Sentences?"

"Stop-"

"Doing that?"

"You stupid-"

Ghostface laughed and yelled, "-motherfucker?"

Freddy crossed his arms and grumbled, "I-"

"-love me?"

He wrinkled his nose in disgust and spat, "No, you idiot! Jeez, how the fuck did you get to be so stupid anyway?"

He shrugged and pulled a cigarette out of his sleeve...cause he keeps everything that he owns in his shirt...duh. "I dunno, but I used to smoke a shitload of pot."

Jason rolled his eyes. _Used to? You still do!_

Ghostface grinned under his mask. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

_Wow, _Michael thought, _you really must smoke a lot if you forget stuff that easily._

"Yeah," he agreed. "I only have three good brain cells left—the one I use for eating, the one I use for picturing you naked, and the one I use for getting high."

Michael's eyes grew wide. _The one you use for what?_

"Picturing you naked."

Freddy groaned and put his hands over his ears. "Shut it, you idiot! God, it's people like you that make me thankful that weed is illegal! Just imagine if everyone could smoke it—there'd be stupid Fuckfaces like you everywhere! Who in their right mind would want to legalize the shit?"

****OMG, IT'S AN INTRODUCTION****

**O_O **

**[ooh, ahh]**

Jason nodded._ Yeah, that's why I'm happy it's illegal; besides that, those stupid teenagers grow it by my lake. What if someone were to find it and call it in? Who would get in trouble for it? ME. _

_Wow, you sound like an uptight asshole, _Michael thought with some amusement. _I like weed cause it makes you forget the things that you do when you're smoking it..._and suddenly his eyes glazed over and he thought dully, as if in a trance, _...and you forget the life that you have and everything becomes numb..._

Freddy chuckled awkwardly. "Uh..._right..."_

_I think you're thinking of alcohol, dipshit, _Jason corrected. Michael perked up again, snapping out of his moodiness.

_Oh yeah, that's right! So no, I guess I don't like weed that much after all._

"Come on, you guys," Ghostface exclaimed, "weed is the best!"

"Oh yeah, you stupid, Hippie dildo? Prove it!" Freddy challenged. "And don't give me any of that bullcrap that it'll make world peace, or don't say, 'It should be legal just cause, dude,' cause I'll evict your ass."

"Evict me? You can't evict me!"

"You really wanna fuck with me?"

Ghostface let this subject go; he was pretty sure that if Freddy wanted him evicted, he would be evicted. So, instead, he focused his attention on proving his point. "Okay, well first off weed ended the Vietnam Wa-"

_Before you even finish that incredibly ignorant statement and make yourself look like an even bigger idiot than you really are, let me say this, _Jason began, _the Vietnam war was ended because a few idiotic, self-centered Hippies who didn't want to get drafted protested and-_

"It was more than a _few!" _Ghostface said defensively.

_-and secondly, Freddy already said no Hippie references, so shut up about it already. Nobody likes Hippies because, as we all know, they are the scum of the Earth. _

[and so writes the Last Flowerchild ^_^]

Ghostface began picking at his nails. "Well, okay, but-"

"Face it, weed is illegal for a good reason. It makes black guys shoot each ot-"

_You can't say the word 'black', _Michael thought. _It's racist._

Freddy said, annoyed, "I'm not trying to be racist, I'm trying to-"

_You just said the word racist, which means that you're a racist._

_Well, not to get technical, but you're thinking about the word racist to, so-_

Jason began, but Ghostface cut him off. "Okay, you want to know why weed is good? Let me give you a few of the best reasons in the world—Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon-"

"No Hippie references!" Freddy yelled.

"-every great rock star that's ever lived, and cancer."

They were all silent for a moment, staring at each other and contemplating his words. All except Michael, who wasn't afraid to think, _Cancer as in a person, or as in the disease?_

"The disease, idiot!" Freddy snapped before turning back to Ghostface. "Okay, fine. You have reasons, now explain them.

"Well," he began, "Jimi Hendrix was arguably the greatest guitarist in the world, and he smoked a shitload of weed and tripped out on a fuckload of LSD, but that didn't hinder his mind or anything—it made it better! It inspired him! It-"

_Didn't Jimi Hendrix end up chocking on his own vomit and dying? _Jason wondered silently.

Ghostface glared over at him. "Not the point; he was great."

"Yeah," Freddy said, laughing, "I'm sure that if you would ask him, he'd say he didn't regret drowning in his own fucking puke."

"That's not the god damned point!"

_I'm still confused! _Michael thought.

Ghostface turned to him and screamed, "What's new? You're always confused, you fucking hot idiot!"

_What does weed have to do with cancer?_

"Everything!"

Michael gasped. _So smoking weed gives you cancer? Cause I smoked it once, so does that mean—holy shit, I'm gonna die!_

Jason rolled his eyes and thought, _You're not going to die._

"Actually he is," Freddy observed. "Cause, I mean when you think about it, every single person in the world will die eventually."

This only served to make Michael begin hyperventilating. Jason tried to make him calm down, but it did no good until Ghostface said, "Okay, Michael, listen; people who _have _cancer smoke weed, but you don't get it from smoking weed!"

_Oh,_ he said, calming down a little. _But then what about the rock star thing?_

Ghostface shrugged. "All rock stars—and everyone who has ever been in a rock band—smoke weed and get high."

Freddy nodded and said in agreement, "Yeah, isn't that a 100% true, proven fact?"

_Yep, _Jason thought, _not even I could disagree with that._

"Well no, you can't," Freddy said. "Cause it's true."

"So like I said," Ghostface commented, "weed should be legalized."

_Yeah..._Michael thought, sighing. _...what were we talking about?_

Freddy frowned. "You know what? I really have no clue. Hey, Hockeypuck, pass me the remote."

Jason threw the remote at him and yawned. _I'm tired. What did I do last night?_

"Heroin," Ghostface said. "I remember cause we all did it."

_Oh yeah, that was cool, _Michael thought excitedly.

"Yeah, it was...hey, Fuckface, don't be a dick, be a dude and go and get us some cocaine, 'kay?" Freddy instructed as he flipped the T.V. On VH1 and settled down.

"Already have some on me," he said as he reached over beside the couch and brought out a gallon-sized Ziploc bag. Michael clapped his hands.

_Yes! Drugs are fun!_

"Yes," Freddy said, "everyone should do them. _Everyone._"

"It kind of looks like candy," Ghostface observed. "White, powdered candy."

"Yes, yes it does. Drugs are fun and they look like candy."

**

* * *

**

********A/N****

**AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS?**

**I just said it; drugs are fun, they look like candy, and everyone should do them...so there you go. Live it.**

Honestly, if you took anything I said in this little story seriously, then you have a problem...my opinions are my own, I reserve the right to keep them my own, and I don't really think that everyone should do drugs because they are fun and they look like candy, so don't give me a bad review for that reason. Hope you enjoyed this little update.

**There will be more of these little episodes coming up, because they are quick to type. Eventually they will replace the mini-sodes. Thanks for reading. **

**PEACE**

**& LOVE**

**[reviews?]**


	43. Interview 2School & Education

**Scream For Me Interview 2—SCHOOL & EDUCATION**

**

* * *

**

"So...what should we talk about today?" Ghostface asked.

"We should talk about shutting the fuck up." Freddy snapped, glaring at the T.V. He stared at it a moment before asking, "Why the hell isn't the T.V. On?"

_The remote's missing. _Jason thought. _Michael lost it._

_I did not!_

_Yes you did! _

Michael shook his head. _No I didn't! _

"How do you know that you didn't?" Freddy inquired, stretching out on the couch. "You're not the smartest person on the world, y'know. Besides, you lose stuff all the time."

He scoffed. _Well yeah, but I think I'd know where I put the fucking remote. And I'm not smart—I mean stupid! _As everyone began laughing, he corrected himself again. _I'm not stupid!_

"Yeah you are!" Ghostface exclaimed. "I swear to God, sometimes it's like you didn't even finish school or something! You're so god damned dumb!"

_That's because I didn't finish school, jackass. _Michael thought bitterly, crossing his arms over his chest. _I dropped out._

"Well _that _explains a lot." Freddy commented, tapping his metal claws on the arm of the couch. Ghostface glanced over at him.

"What? What does it explain?"

He rolled his eyes. "Fuckface, just how stupid are you?"

"Very."

"Yeah, apparently." then he turned to Jason and asked, "Hey, dumbass, can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone were like Myers and dropped out of school?"

_Yeah, _Jason agreed. _We'd probably all be dead._

"Fuck that! Education isn't important!" Ghostface declared, pulling a cigarette and a lighter out of his pocket. He lit it and then stuck it thru the mouth part of his mask. "Education and school sucks!"

Freddy stifled a laugh. "Oh yeah, _you're _one to talk! You can't even divide 2 by 4!"

"And your point is?"

_Holy hell, _Jason thought, _what would we do without education?_

****OMG, IT'S AN INTRODUCTION****

**O_O**

**[ooh, ahh]**

_I'm with Fuckface on this one. _Michael began. _I-_

"I'm sorry, Myers, but I just had to interrupt you." Freddy said, glaring at him. "What the fuck did you just say? Did you just call Ghostface _Fuckface?"_

_Well yeah, but-_

"No!" he yelled. "Only _I _do that, because Fuckface is _my _bitch!"

"Hey, no I'm-"

"Shut up, Fuckface!" Freddy said warningly. The killer grew silent and let out a breath of smoky air as Michael tried again.

_Okay, well like I was saying, I'm with Ghostface on this one. Education and school is stupid. You can't even use half the stuff school teaches you in the real world._

Jason thought for a moment then nodded in agreement. _Yeah, I could see that. I mean, when in your life would you ever have to use Algebra? Or Geometry?_

"All the fucking time!" Freddy said. "Like this one time I was shopping, right? And there was this chick, and-"

"Pie!" Ghostface cut in. "I like that one formula to find the pie thing."

Jason rolled his eyes. _I think you mean Pi, idiot—as in 3.14._

"No, I mean apple. Y'know, as in apple pie."

There was a long pause before Freddy tried to continue with his thought. "Right, anyway. So I was shopping and-"

_I use subtraction a lot, _Michael thought. _Like for, you know, umm...buying stuff and Starbucks. I love Starbucks. Oh, and last week I bought this movie from Wal-Mart and it cost 19.99 and stuff._

_Huh. Really? _Jason asked. _What movie was it?_

He shrugged. _I dunno, but it was one of those boring, do-nothing days, y'know? So I just bought whatever was there. I think it was called _Taken _or something. It was really good. We should all watch it later._

"Oh, I've heard of that one!" Ghostface exclaimed. "Isn't that the one where the guy's daughter gets taken and-"

"All of you shut the fuck up so I can talk about education!" Freddy yelled suddenly, making them all jump. Once everyone grew silent he continued. "So I was at the store and...and..." he cursed. "Fuck, I can't remember what I'm talking about. Shit. Anyways, what's the point I was trying to make?"

_Oh! _Jason thought. _I've got one! Okay, so you need school to learn how to read and write and stuff, 'cause if we didn't have all that shit we'd all be illiterate, right?_

Everyone nodded in agreement. Ghostface, however, protested, "Yeah, fine, we could just go back and forth with this forever, but nothing changes the fact that some of the world's greatest people either flunked outta school or were just bad students."

"Name one." Freddy challenged.

"Albert Eisenstein."

Micheal's eyes lit up in excitement. _Oh, dude! I know that guy! He invented the hearing of relative synchronicity!_

_Don't you mean Theory of Relativity? _Jason wondered aloud.

He shook his head and thought stupidly,_ No._

"And there you go," Freddy said, stretching out a little more on the couch. "Myers somehow manages to unintentionally prove my point again. School sucks but we need it to function as a society."

"Wow." Ghostface said, totally awed. "You use big words."

"Yeah. You know where I learned them?"

"Nu-uh. Where?"

"_In school."_

Jason grinned under his mask. _Ha! Saw that one coming, swear to God!_

Freddy just sneered down at him. "Shut the fuck up, Hockeypuck. Hey, Myers!"

_What?_

"Get up off your lazy ass and go get me a beer."

_Why do I have to-_

"Because you didn't finish school, so you're now qualified to be my servant."

"Mine too!" Ghostface blurted. "Now I order you to take off your clothes, slave!"

Michael's eyes grew wide. He didn't move. _But I'm not stupid, school just didn't interest me—well, actually it was just really hard. I still haven't figured out how to count money._

Jason's head fell into his hands. _Oh my God, he's a fucking idiot!_

_What? _He wondered aloud. _What's so important about money, anyway?_

"Gee, I dunno. Nothing aside from the fact that you need it to _live..." _Freddy said, his voice trailing off. There was a long moment of silence before anyone dared to speak again. This time it was Ghostface.

"Yeah," he said, puffing on his cigarette. "So...school. Education..."

"What else needs to be said?"

Another pause then Jason thought, _You know, as a kid I always hated school because all the kids would throw rocks at me and stuff, but it helps build character, I guess. I mean, after I finally lost the ability to cry or feel any emotion whatsoever I kind of liked it._

Michael frowned under his mask. _You don't feel anything?_

_Nope, _Jason answered. _I'm utterly dead inside._

_Not even anger?_

He thought for a moment then nodded. _Yeah, I guess the only thing I feel is an intensely dark and horrible sense of depression and self-loathing, which is the reason that every day I try to overdose on the drugs under the cabinet in the bathroom. I also have a deep, endless hatred for society, any living thing, and mankind. _Then there was one last moment of long, awkward silence before he added, _I cut half of my thumb off on purpose yesterday and didn't feel a thing, then I sewed it back on again._

_Huh, _Michael thought. _Well there you go, then. I guess school is bad if it makes you do all that stuff._

"Are you kidding me?" Freddy said finally. "Just because Jason's a pussy doesn't mean that school's bad! I loved school! I absolutely didn't catch the rats that were in the cafeteria at lunch, throw them in my book sack, and stick needles in their eyes when I got home...I would _never _do that because the kids said I was a freak and threw food at me...never would I do that..." his voice trailed off and he sighed. "Hmm. School really does suck, huh? And so does education."

"I want to tell you all what I did when people teased me!" Ghostface said annoyingly.

Freddy narrowed his eyes at him and hissed, "What are you talking about? Nobody teased me!"

_Sure they didn't. _Michael thought. _We all just became serial killers because the world is such a wonderful, bright place and people treated us like we were the second coming of Christ._

"Shut it! It's my turn to talk!" Ghostface snapped irritably. "Okay, well I _totally _didn't go in the bathroom at all and cry and cut myself."

Everyone began laughing and Freddy blurted, "Dude, my shit was bad, but that? What the _fuck? _You're a bigger pansy than Myers!"

Once the laughter died down Jason thought, _Yep, so what have we learned today?_

_I know! _Michael said. _I know what the lesson was! It was that education and school sucks so drop out right now as soon as you can and do drugs and shit, right?_

_Well, we never said anything about drugs, but-_

"I agree with that." Ghostface said. "That's some advice that everyone should follow. _Everyone."_

"Yep." Freddy said. " 'Cause education isn't important anyway, right guys?"

They all nodded in agreement and Michael thought, _Yeah. Besides, who needs to know how to add and subtract anyway?_

**

* * *

****LET'S REVIEW THE MORAL OF THE STORY, SHALL WE?**

**In case you didn't get it, the moral is that you should drop out of school because education isn't important—oh, and you should do drugs. So yeah, there you go.**

**Also this episode is for _dieing fan, _who specifically requested that I type another episode. Let me just say this—I'm not stupid. If you really are dying then I'm sorry for doubting you and I truly apologize. Hopefully you'll understand my reasons for doubting you and just know that it's nothing personal; some people are just dicks and joke about that stuff. Also, thank you for putting this on your list or whatever. I wish I could've given you a longer episode, but I'm a Jr. in high school, so yeah...time is limited. If you _are_ joking then congratulations, you just made me waste about two hours of my life typing and editing this, but what could I have done—just NOT type it and look like a total jackass? **

_[dedicated to dieing fan]_


	44. Character & Random Information Page

_The Random Information/Character Page Of __Awesomeness_

Answering random questions such as...  
Why is Michael Myers so hot? ^_^  
Why is Ghostface so unfortunate?  
Why is Michael the stupid one?  
Why did I choose the characters that I did?  
& much more.

* * *

**Main/Reoccurring Characters: **

FREDDY KRUGER

Series:_ A Nightmare On Elm Street_

Why is he a main character? He's one of the greatest horror movie slashers ever...duh. Actually, I don't really like Freddy at all from his movies—he's kinda a child molesting weird old guy—but he sort of had to be included in this series as a main character because he is one of the greatest slashers of all time...he is my least favorite out of the four, though, and that includes Ghostface.

According to the series:

Favorite food: beer & pizza or Taco Bell  
Loves: Hippie chicks who burn their bras, sitting on the couch being bored and watching T.V., making fun of Ghostface, calling Michael a queer, fighting with Jason because [in reference to _Freddy vs. Jason_] he totally won.  
Hates: Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Ghostface, teenagers who go to sleep, saving other people, being halfway nice to other people, Christmas, Pinhead, and working.  
Who wishes: That everyone around him would die and that he could go back to killing people in their dreams.

JASON VOORHEES

Series: _Friday the 13th_ (First movie in the series is _Friday the 13__th__, _but Jason doesn't actually appear in that one)

Why is he a main character? Like Freddy he is one of the greatest slashers ever, plus he adds a bit of conflict to the overall story when he goes against Freddy's wishes. I also love his character because it's more of a just 'mindless serial killer' type of thing...well, in the beginning it was, but after a few movies it sort of just became a rhythmic cycle of half-naked teenage girls getting fucked then killed.

According to the series:

Favorite food: anything that he can eat away from the idiots he shares an apartment with...or Taco Bell.  
Loves: His mother, [although he might not like to admit it] making sure Michael stays out of trouble, Friday the 13th, sitting back and quietly watching the world fall apart around him, because it amuses him.  
Hates: Freddy Kruger, Ghostface, Michael Myers, teenagers, school, other people, and the world.  
Who wishes: That he didn't have to babysit Michael all the time, that he could live alone, and that he wasn't usually the one being thrown under the bus for his good ideas.

GHOSTFACE

Series: _Scream_

Why is he a main character? Well, originally the main characters were supposed to be Freddy, Jason, Michael, and Leatherface, but I needed to have another talking killer to keep it interesting, and since Pinhead came with his cenobites [sort of like a packaged deal that I'll explain more later], I had to go with Ghostface. Maybe that's the reason that he suffers so much abuse, because he's sort of just a default character. ^_^

According to the series:

Favorite food: beer & pizza, Michael's ass. That's right, I went there.  
Loves: Texting, his cell phone, his laptop, the Beatles, weed, drugs, alcohol, getting high, Michael, prank calls, and Christmas.  
Hates: Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees, education, the government, work, and thought of any kind.  
Who wishes: That Michael would just give in and have sex willingly with him and that his texting bill wouldn't be so high.

MICHAEL MYERS

Series:_ Halloween_

Why is he a main character? Well, since Halloween 2 was probably the first horror movie that I ever saw, and since Michael is my favorite slasher—Halloween [1978] is my favorite movie—I guess I was sort of obligated to use him for my own evil purposes.

According to the story:

Favorite food: sushi and Starbucks, of course.  
Loves: His shampoo, skittles, not thinking, driving...ah...not much, I guess. Hmm, that's sad. :(  
Hates: His family, Haddonfield, Dr. Loomis, his medications, the voices in his head, being alone because that's when he can hear the voices, getting raped by Ghostface, and Halloween.  
Who wishes: That he could get some Starbucks, people could see how smart he was, and that he could find his damn shampoo.

PINHEAD/CENOBITES

Series: _Hellraiser_

**What in the hell are 'cenobites' and can I buy them at Wal-Mart? **

They are Pinhead's minions and I decided to use the main two—Butterball and the Chatterer—because they, to my knowledge at least, are always around in the series. Although I'm not sure about this fact because I've never forced myself to sit down and see all of his movies, just a couple...I was very bored one summer and saw a shitload of classic slasher flicks, but sadly only two _Hellraiser _movies were included in this bunch.

**

* * *

**

Other Characters:

Baby Firefly, Otis B. Driftwood, Captain Spaulding, Sheriff Wydell—Movies: _The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses—_Episode: _The Rejected Devils_

Jack Torrence, Spirits of the Overlook Hotel, Dick Hollorann—Movie: _The Shining—_Episode: _Redrum Redeemed_

Rob Zombie—He doesn't really have a movie, he sings and directed _The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses and the remakes of Halloween and Halloween II.-_Episode: _Thanks A Lot, Rob Zombie_

Chucky—Movie Series: _Child's Play—_Episode: _Why Guys Shouldn't Play With Dolls_

The Cabin Fever flesh-eating disease—Movie: _Cabin Fever—_Episode: _I've Got the Madness! I've Got Cabin Fever!_

Jigsaw/John Kramer—Movie Series: _Saw—_Episode: _What Jigsaw Sawed, mentioned in others_

The Creeper—Movie Series: _Jeepers Creepers—_Episode: _What Is A Jeepers Creepers Anyway?_

Jason X—Movie: _Jason X..._sort of self explanatory, but whatever.-Episode: _Jason vs. Jason X_

Juliek and Luchesi—Movies: Well, they weren't in any movies, I just made them up.-Episode: _The Curse Of The 'Elves', seen in others._

Ghosts—Movies: _The Amityville Horror, Paranormally Active, Poltergeist—_Episode: _The Paranormally Active Poltergeist Horror_

Leprechaun—Movie Series: _the Leprechaun..._much more terrifying than it sounds—Episode: _The Curse Of The 'Elves', seen in others_

Dr. Sam Loomis, the Cult of the Thorn, Laurie Strode, Jamie Lloyd, Sheriff Brackett—Movie Series: _Halloween—_Episode: _Doc Loomis And The Trial, Happy Halloween, Michael Myers!_

Carrie White—Movie: _Carrie—_Episode: _Carrie, Carrie, Not So Ordinary_

Alex Forrest—Movie: _Fatal Attraction—_Episode: _The Official Return of Pinhead, Fatally Attracted_

Kayako, the cat-boy—Movie Series: _The Grudge—_Episode: _The Everlasting Grudge_

The Exorcist Girl—Movie Series: _The Exorcist..._duh.-Episode: _The Exorcism Unleashed_

Leatherface/Thomas Brown Hewitt, the Sheriff—Movie Series: _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre—_Episodes: _The Texas Chainsaw Misadventure, referenced in other episodes_

Pennywise/It, Henry Bowers, Belch Huggins, Victor Criss, Ben, Georgie, Bill, Richie, Bev, Mike, Eddie—Movie/Book: _IT—_Episodes: _Pennywise The Dancing IT, The Final Demise Of Our Friend Pennywise_

Blair Witch—Movie: _The Blair Witch Project—_Episode: _The Blair Witch Incident_

The Children of the Corn, Malachi, Isacc—Move: _The Children of the Corn..._please tell me you already knew that.-Episode: _He Who Walks Behind The Rows_

**Other Random Characters**

Jimi Hendrix—Singer, Guitarist, Songwriter. Died at the age of 27 and helped spur the Hollywood '27' curse, which relates the uncanny coincidence that many famous celebrities died at the age of 27.-Episode: _Turn on, tune in and drop out, referenced in others._

The Beatles—John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo(Richard) Starkey, George Harrison. Created 'Beatlemania', a popular disease that afflicted millions of teenage girls around the world in the 1960s.-Episode: _Turn on, tune in and drop out, referenced in others._

Janis Joplin—Singer. Died at the age of 27 and also helped support the Hollywood '27' curse.-Episode references.

Charles Manson, the Manson Family—Charles Manson was a cult leader who made his followers—the Manson Family—believe that he was the embodiment of Christ and Satan in one being. He brainwashed his followers with sex, drugs, and beliefs formed by both the Beatles music and quotes from the bible; he wiped away the egos of his followers and forced them to kill for him—Episode: _Turn on, tune in and drop out._

_

* * *

_**Character Stereotypes & Questions **

_I must make it clear that in the beginning I didn't mean to actually make some of the characters the way I did, it's just sort of how it ended up..._

**Michael Myers, the idiot—Why is Michael so stupid?**

Well that's an excellent question that I've often wondered myself. The reason that Michael is so moronic is because...well, I guess I just had to have someone to voice/think some of the stupider statements in the story, and the fact that he couldn't even kill off a little girl in the 4th and 5th _Halloween _movies didn't help either. Plus, who doesn't love a big, stupid serial killer?

**Jason Voorhees...the almost normal one? How did Jason end up being the 'normal' one?**

I don't really know the answer to this one either, only that the other positions were taken—Michael was the idiot, Ghostface was the pothead/queer, and Freddy was the obnoxious one with the giant ego. That's all that was left. Besides, no matter how good or bad your story is, there has to be someone/something to move the plot along or you never get anywhere; often times Jason did this, because he was the only one who was together enough to manage it.

**Ghostface, the weed-smoking queer—Why is Ghostface gay and a pothead?**

Okay, I actually _know _the answer to this one! Yay! Okay, well the answer to the gay thing is simple—in real life I have a crush on Michael Myers, and without realizing it I put that first 'Delicious ass' comment in Freddy vs. Jason II, so I suppose that I was really fulfilling some sick desire or something...ANYWAYS, the weed thing was just something that popped into my head one day...after I was done smoking weed. JUST KIDDING, I did not write this story under the influence of any illegal drugs whatsoever [surprised, aren't we?]. Since everyone hated Ghostface the most, it only made sense that he'd try to escape to his own world via drugs.

**Was Jason secretly gay for Michael? Was it hinted? **

Hmmm...maybe so. I certainly hinted at it sometimes with the whole 'hand holding' ordeal and everything, and sometimes even Michael hitted on Jason. And yeah, for the record almost everything I publish now is slash [m/m], so yeah...make of it what you will. At one point in time there were so many positive statements made by readers about the possibility of slash that I planned on doing a sort of spin-off series where I paired the characters up and made them make out and fuck each other and stuff...yeah. I have issues.

**Who was gay for who, then?**

Okay, it's really simple. The hints were dropped as the following:

Freddy/Ghostface  
Ghostface/Michael (obviously)  
Jason/Michael  
Michael/Jason  
Pinhead/Michael

Got it? Good.

**Why is Michael so pansy-ish and why does he use that stupid shampoo? [****Herbal Essence Head and Shoulders Berry Tea & Orange Flower, mentioned in****, **_**Carrie, Carrie, Not So Ordinary]  
**_

Because...well hell, I really don't know. Because I use that kind of shampoo and I guess because it just fit somehow. It should be noted that in the end of the series I tried to give Michael the feeling of sort of a 'little brother'; he was taken care of by almost everybody in the apartment, had to be supervised when taking his medications, and had to be 'baby-sat' quite often.

**Why does everyone hate Ghostface?**

To really get the answer to this I must take you back to the days when _Scream For Me _was still just a fragment of an idea in my head—I drew down the pictures of the following slashers in consideration of main characters:

1)Pinhead (with his cenobites the Chatterer & Butterball)  
2)Freddy  
3)Michael  
4)Jason  
5)Leatherface  
6)Ghostface

And that was really how I ranked them in order of importance or prospects of using—from the beginning I knew for sure that I was going to include Michael(why else, because he's my secret lover?), Jason(because he's my 2d favorite slasher), and Freddy, because I wanted a talking slasher. I was planning on using Leatherface instead of Pinhead—too many extra characters, because Pinhead has to come with the Chatterer and Butterball. This idea was dropped because since Leatherface didn't talk, I decided that the story would be to boring without another talking slasher, so I added Ghostface.

So he pretty much just got included because of default. That's probably why I treat him like crap sometimes.

**What the hell is up with Juliek and Luchesi?**

I think it's definitely worth mentioning that the names were not thought up by me. Juliek was my favorite character from a Holocaust book I read in 8th grade called, _Night _[I don't claim to own the book or any characters in it]. Of course since my favorite characters die in _everything,_ Juliek died, but I carry on his dead-Jew legacy with his own vampire-elf-hippie. As for Luchesi, his name came from the Edgar Allen Poe story, _The Cask of Amontillado._ Once again, I saw the name, liked it, and decided to use it. Why are they hippies? Because people, you're reading a story that was writing by _the Last Flowerchild. _

Pronunciations for the confused:

Loo-case-ee

Jewl-ee-ick

**Official Character Roles/Summary Of The Above:**

Freddy Kruger: Narcissistic & obnoxious idiot  
Ghostface: Stupid, gay [?], stoner that never does anything right-the one that NOBODY likes  
Jason Voorhees: The 'normal' one  
Michael Myers: The effeminate little brother

* * *

HOW IT CAME TO BE...once upon a time I saw a horror movie, but instead of rooting for the hero, I just shouted, 'Dude, that man in the mask is soooooo awesome! I hope that he kills that bimbo.' and so my love of horror movies and slashers was created. One night I couldn't sleep so I was flipping thru my T.V. Channels and came upon a particular episode of _Robot Chicken _entitled _That Hurts Me, _and I saw a part of Big Brother Horror Movie Edition and thought, 'Wow, wouldn't it be cool if I could manage to write about horror movie slashers living together?' and so the very beginnings of _Scream For Me _began to form in my mind...

**Yes, I claim my copyright!**

I've never much mentioned it before, but Juliek and Luchesi are mine; I made them, I created them, and I can destroy them...okay, a little dramatic, but whatever. These are the only two characters in the entire series made up by me, so I think it goes without saying that you shouldn't ever use them without my expressed permission ever in life, or I'll kill you. No, really, I'll hurt you very badly. It won't be pleasant.

**

* * *

**

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading. I have really appreciated all of the hits and reviews. As I have said before, eventually there will be more _Scream For Me, _just not right now. I really feel the need to express how much I appreciate everyone who has read and reviewed this story, because without you I would have honestly never had the confidence to continue publishing stories. This fanfic was literally my first-or close to it-and so you can see that during the duration of the series my writing style has changed quite as bit. Thank you all. I really do appreciate it!  
**

**Peace & Love**


	45. Scream for Slash! JasonxMichael

_**NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE—Scream for Slash!**_

**Pairing: JasonxMichael**

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_Jason, Ghostface is trying to molest me again! _Michael cried, hurrying over to the other, bigger killer. Voorhees just let out an annoyed sigh and rolled his eyes. He laid down the book that he'd been reading—_The Lovely Bones—_and stood up. Michael quickly proceeded to cower behind the hulking killer as Ghostface entered the room.

"I _told _you not to run away! God damn it, Myers, now whenever I do manage to get my hands on you, it's gonna be worse than if you just wouldn't have run to Voorhees...you really fucked yourself now, idiot."

_I don't wanna fuck myself! _He nearly sobbed, pulling on the hem of Jason's old, tattered jacket. _Make him quit!_

"Shut up and get your ass over here before-"

_No—shut the fuck up. _Jason snapped, reaching out and grabbing Ghostface by his scrawny neck. Effortlessly, he lifted the serial killer up from off of the ground and began shaking him violently, all while Michael continued to cower behind him, terrified for his life. _Here's the deal; you're going to leave Michael alone, you're going to stop being such a fucking rapist, and you're going to get out of my God damn sight, because you make me sick to my stomach. Do you understand?_

"I...uh..." he glanced over at his love, his heart's desire, Michael, and then back over to Jason. He knew too well that the other killer could and would rip him apart easily, and although he couldn't exactly die, being severed in half would be quite an inconvenience to his current living situation. "Okay...but just remember that you can't be around to protect him forever; one day you'll look away for a second—no, a mili-fraction-tenth-hundredth of a second, and he'll be mine."

Underneath his mask, Jason was sneering at the killer's words. He just threw Ghostface across the room and thought angrily, _Now get out of the fucking apartment and go track Kruger or something. I've had enough of your queer bullshit._

Ghostface made a quick exit, and so Michael finally calmed down. He sat down on the floor beside the couch and hugged his knees to him, hid his face—or his mask, rather—from the view of the other killer. Jason, realizing that it was high time for he and Myers to have a serious talk, sighed tirelessly and planted himself right next to the smaller, younger killer. _Well, _he thought, nudging him in an encouraging way, _like I said when we first moved in—if he ever gives you any trouble, just come and find me._

_So you're not mad?_

He immediately shook his head. _Nope. Why would I be?_

_Because I..._ he thought for a moment, ran a hand shakily thru his wild hair, then finally shrugged. _'Cause I ask you for help so damn much...doesn't it get old sometimes?_

Under his mask, Jason was smiling warmly over at the other killer. His dark eyes shined with something of tender affection as he scooted closer to Michael and thought silently, _Not at all. Besides, I can't let him just do that to you._

_Yeah, thanks. _He thought miserably, looking away and swallowing. _Sometimes I wish you were always with me, 'cause maybe then he wouldn't try it so much._

_I know. _He draped an arm over Michael's quaking shoulders and pulled him into an awkward embrace.

Despite the fact that the two were very close—best friends, in fact—Jason still had trouble transferring his emotions into words. When it came to displaying any kind of affection towards anyone, he also froze up_. _Although every killer suffered with this, he was probably the worst off...well, Kruger came in a close second, only because he blocked out anything that was kind or halfway decent with cruelty and violence, just because the thought of accepting any form of affection petrified him. Michael, however, seemed to be a different case entirely. Even though he was the youngest of them all and he'd received absolutely no love or attention throughout his whole, miserable life, he was still able to somehow occasionally get past his own self-made boundaries and show some glimmer of emotion. What was amazing was even that he knew what emotion felt like, because most of his childhood he'd been so heavily medicated that he couldn't even remember any point up until a few years ago, when he'd first broken loose from his mental asylum.

Anyway, Jason was well aware that even if he put himself out there a little bit, Michael would fall into him, happy to have an excuse to cling to someone. That's what he loved so much about the other killer...well, that among other things. Like now, how when he made such a simple gesture as to put his arm around the other killer, he became the victim of a tight embrace. Michael fell into his lap and curled up there, quite like some kind of cat, and Jason felt himself growing red under his mask. Despite the fact that he was totally against Ghostface and his gayness, he openly accepted any kind of attention Michael gifted him with—whether it be homosexual or not.

_Hey, Jason?_

_Huh? _

_Thanks._

_Yeah, sure._

_Hey, guess what?_

Why did Myers always have to think so damn much? It ruined the moment. _What, idiot?_

_You're still my favorite._

Of course, by 'favorite', Michael meant that Jason was his favorite person in the world. The hulking killer didn't know exactly when he'd earned the role as his friend's favorite person, but he accepted it nonetheless.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It was an oddly quiet night in San Antonio. Since Freddy was out killing his usual quota of teenagers and Ghostface was wandering the streets looking for better cell phone reception, this left Michael and Jason alone. They were both sitting side by side watching some show on outer space and black holes. Jason looked over to Michael and thought happily, _It's so great when they're not here._

Michael nodded. _Yep._

_We don't have to watch their stupid crap._

_Yep._

Under his mask, Jason frowned. _Michael, do you actually even understand what's going on in the show?_

Michael rolled his eyes at this condescending remark. _Of course, Jason. I'm not stupid. _[warning, factual information learning-stuff ahead]] _Despite its invisible interior, _Michael began,_ the presence of a black hole can be inferred through its interaction with other __matter__ and with __light__ and other __electromagnetic radiation__. Matter falling onto a black hole can form an __accretion disk__ heated by friction, forming some of the brightest objects in the universe. If there are other stars orbiting a black hole, their orbit can be used to determine its mass and location. This data can be used to exclude possible alternatives (such as neutron stars). In this way, astronomers have identified numerous stellar black hole candidates in __binary systems__, and established that the core of our __Milky Way__ galaxy contains a supermassive black hole of about 4.3 million __solar masses__. See? Simple._

_Uh...right. _Jason thought, feeling a headache coming on. They lapsed into silence again until the commercial break. At last Jason thought to his companion, _Michael, I know that I don't say it much, but...well...forget it._

_What? _Michael wondered. _I want to know._

Jason looked away and thought with embarrassment, _I really don't mind hanging out with you...that much._

_Thanks. Same here._

_I mean, even if you are an idiot and all. In fact, I like the fact that you're dumb because it makes me feel that much smarter._

Micahel became a little sulky and thought, _Well I'm not that dumb._

Jason chortled at this and reached over. He gave the other killer a supportive slap on the shoulder. _Yeah, right. Sure you're not. _There was silence again until Michael dared to think.

_You know, you're my best friend...not that I need friends, it's just—well, you know..._

_Yeah, _Jason agreed, _I know. _They both shifted awkwardly on the couch, neither of them used to being so open with their emotions. Jason became tense when Michael began inching closer to him on the sofa. _Michael, what are you-_

_Jason, I've never asked anyone this, but..._

_Wh-What? _He thought, becoming a little nervous.

Michael frowned and looked down at the ground, seemingly ashamed. _Jason, can I maybe have a hug? _He thought this so hopefully that the other slasher was powerless to refuse. Jason knew Michael's history too well; the abusive childhood that Myers had endured was frighteningly similar to his own, the only difference being that he himself had been given a mother who loved and accepted him. He suspected from the way that Michael was so ashamed that he might never have really been hugged. Jason felt his heart fill with something akin to sympathy and sorrow.

_Michael, _he thought, encouraging the other killer to come closer, _come here. _He allowed Michael Myers to crawl into his lap and embrace him. He hugged him back tightly, protectively. _Listen, _Jason thought as the other man curled up in his arms, _let's keep it a secret between us, but if you ever want a hug, I'll give you one, okay?_

He could tell that under his mask, Myers was blushing. _Okay, thanks._

Even though the hug was over, Jason still allowed the other killer to lay in his lap. Although he had no clue how to be somewhat socially acceptable, he'd still spent the majority of his adult life watching teenagers socialize, so he did have some idea of what to do now. Jason carefully ran a hand thru Michael's hair and thought, _We should have alone time more often._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jason hated his life. He hated, hated, hated it so much. For some reason Freddy always thought it amusing to send he and Ghostface out to get tacos for taco night. This meant that once a month Jason would have to haul Ghostface away from Michael, drive to Taco Bell, and make a huge order that consisted of about a dozen soft tacos, ten crunchy supreme tacos, and nine chalupas. He hated it, and as he sat there waiting for the Winnebago to warm up Ghostface was getting on his nerves more than usual.

"Michael wanted soft tacos...heh...get it, Voorhees, _soft _tacos? Huh? Get it? _Soft? _Get i-"

_I swear, if you don't shut up I will kill you. _He thought miserably, resting his head on his hand. He felt a pounding headache coming on, and Ghostface wasn't making it better.

The other killer didn't shut up, though. "Why don't you ever get anything more than a supreme? Don't you like tacos?"

_Fuckface, let me perfectly clear with you, _Jason thought, trying to keep himself calm. _I HATE tacos, I HATE taco night, and I HATE you, so why don't you just shut the hell up? _Ghostface did indeed become silent at this. He turned and faced the window. After a while as they pulled into the busy streets of San Antonio, Jason began to feel guilty. _Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I just...I have a headache._

"No, it's okay. I get it. I'm annoying." he said, sighing. "I just—well, I'd hoped that out of everyone in the apartment, you'd be the one who would have some patience with me."

Damn. Jason sighed. Why was he always expected to be the calm, reasonable one? Why did everyone come running to him with their problems and ask him to fix their fucked up lives? _Ghostface, look, I'm not Michael. I'm not going to put up with your shit. Either you talk to me like a mature, semi-intelligent human being or keep your mouth shut. Act like an adult around me, or I'll just ignore you._

Ghostface pondered these words for a moment before scoffing. "Of course you have to throw Michael's name in there, huh? God...you two are so...ugh..."

_So what? _Jason narrowed his eyes at the other killer. _We're not 'so' anything! We're not even friends, I was just trying to prove a point._

"Just shut up! You're so annoying!" Ghostface snapped, punching the dashboard of the car. Jason's response to this was to give the killer a good slap while yielding for traffic. "You act like I'm stupid! You know how much I like Myers, and you always throw his name around like it's nothing! Nice job fucking with my emotions. Talk about mature."

_I'm not throwing anyone's name around, I'm making a point!_

"I see how you two are always together...I see it all, Voorhees."

Jason rolled his eyes and pulled up into the Taco Bell drive-thru. _You're being stupid. We aren't always together, he just comes to me when he has a problem, just like you and Freddy do._

"But you actually _solve _his problems! You couldn't give less than a fuck about us!"

_Because you're annoying and he's-_

"He's _perfect!" _Ghostface exclaimed, sounding crazed and insane. He reached over, gripped Jason's old, tattered jacket, and shook him violently, "Can't you see that? You're so _lucky! _He is...his ass...his body..."

_Get the hell off of me! _Jason snapped, pushing the other killer's face into the window. The glass splintered and cracked. He sighed. _Great. I'm going to have to pay for that. _In all honesty, he rarely ever lost his cool. Usually he always managed maintain himself, but for some reason just the way that Ghostface had been talking about Michael...he snapped. Finally he managed to regain his composure. _Look, _he thought, turning his attention back to Ghostface, _if you want to be your usual asshole self, that's fine, but the second you start talking about Myers like that...I swear, I really will kill you._

"Uh-huh." Ghostface nodded, seemingly terrified. "Right, sorry. I didn't mean it. I mean, I'm sure you've noticed his ass yourself, so I really didn't even need to bring it u-"

_Shut up! _Jason punched Ghostface in the stomach as hard as he could. _Not another word about him! Just quit! _All was quiet until they pulled up and Ghostface placed their order. Once that was done he sat right back down in his seat, still gripping his stomach.

"You have anger issues, just like Michael. I guess that's why you two go so good together, huh?"

_I'll KILL you! _Jason got out his machete and raised it, but hesitated. Ghostface had raised up his arms in some kind of desperate defense.

"Wait, it was a compliment! I wasn't saying anything bad, just relax!"

_But we don't go together at all!_

"Listen, you can fool Freddy, but not me." he said, backing as close to the car door as possible. Jason lowered his machete and relaxed a little.

_Just watch your mouth around me, alright?_

"Okay." he agreed.

They got their huge order filled after about half an hour then went back to the apartment. As soon as Jason walked into the room, his arms laden with tacos, Freddy jumped on top of him, taking most of them for himself and hoarding them just so nobody else could get any. In the end, because of Ghostface and Freddy's selfishness, Jason was only left with one chalupa. He sat down at the table and unwrapped it. Without thinking, he doused it with mild hot sauce—Michael's favorite—and passed it over to him. Michael gave him a surprised look, as did everyone else in the apartment.

"Hey, Hockeypuck, what the fuck are you-"

_Just shut up. This is my business, so just keep eating. _Jason thought angrily at Freddy. He then turned to Michael. _Eat it, will you? I'm not hungry._

Myers gladly ate the taco. Ghostface watched this selfless display then glanced down at his ridiculous hoard of tacos. He took two from his pile of Taco Bell goodness, then ventured over to where Jason and Michael were sitting. The two silent killers always sat away from everyone else. He presented the two tacos to Jason and said discreetly, "Like I said, you can't fool me."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Nightmares. Michael had them every single night, and since he along with Ghostface were forced to sleep on the floor while Freddy and Jason took the couch, he was usually left to console himself. One night, however, something changed. As they all prepared for bed, Jason halted their usual cycle. He laid down on the floor and thought, _I want Ghostface to take my place on the couch tonight if that's okay._

"Fuckface? No way, no fucking-" despite Freddy's protests, as soon as Ghostface had heard this, he'd collapsed onto the couch and gone to sleep immediately. Freddy then glared at Jason. "You'll pay for this later, you fucking idiot."

_Oh, wow. Terrifying. _Jason thought, rolling his eyes and settling next to Michael on the floor. With that, they all went to sleep. Or at least, Jason _tried _to go to sleep, but Michael kept asking him odd questions.

_Are you going to rape me?_

_What? No! _Jason thought, disgusted at this notion. _Why would I do that?_

Michael was shaking he was so scared. _Because every night after you go to sleep, Ghostface takes me and-_

_Okay, I get it, but no, none of that. Just go to sleep, okay?_

_Okay. _Michael closed his eyes. There was a long moment of silence before he pried, _So you promise there won't be any rape?_

_Michael! _

_Alright, goodnight._

Jason drifted off to sleep only to be awoken a few hours later by the sound of Michael whimpering. He opened his eyes and scooted a little closer to the other killer. _Hey, are you okay? Mike? _He seemed to be sleeping. _Hey, wake up! _He roughly shook Michael by his shoulder and forced him to wake up. _What the hell is wrong with you?_

_Bad dream._

_Oh...sorry..._

_No big deal. I have them all the time. _Michael curled up into a protective ball and shut his eyes tightly. _I'll be fine._

Jason frowned under his mask. He glanced over to the couch to make sure that Freddy and Ghostface were still sound asleep, then pulled Michael into his arms. He held him there and thought, _Maybe you should go back to sleep?_

He nodded. _Yeah. Sorry, Jason. I'm stupid._

_Yeah, _he thought back, _you are, but I don't really mind...that much._

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

****A/N****

I decided to write this a while back, especially after receiving so many requests that Jason and Michael get together. The reader should be reminded that this is _**non-canon, **_and wasn't part of the real _Scream For Me _plot. It was only written for the reader's enjoyment.


	46. Part 2 Of The Scream For Me Series

A New Beginning—Part 2 of the _Scream For Me _series  
Episode 1

It was agreed by all four killers that life hadn't been kind to them the past few years; they'd been confined to a shoddy apartment, and now they all had warrants for their arrest. The slightest mistake would get them arrested and cause a hassle which none of them felt like dealing with. After the incident at Wimbleton Apartments, several alternate plans of living were discussed, none of which involved the four serial killers splitting up.

They could flee to Elm Street, but since Freddy had taken his leave it was now over populated by teenagers, and nobody felt like having to deal with that. Of course Haddonfield, Illinois was always an option—a small community, but one that was fraught with paranoia. The odds that any mask-wearing, blade-wielding psychopath could inhabit the suburbs of this city without getting shot were slim. The third choice was Ghostface's hometown of Woodsboro. He made it obvious that he wished to return there and finish what he'd started so many decades ago, but seeing how badly he wanted to achieve his dream only made Freddy laugh. It was unanimously decided that Ghostface would in fact not ever reach his goal of moving back to Woodsboro. This only left one place, the most secluded, scenic place of all...

"Oh, my dear Jason has finally come home! Oh, darling! Come here and let mommy give you a hug!" Mrs. Voorhees exclaimed as she launched herself at her son. "I'm so happy that you've decided to move back home!"

Freddy, Ghostface, and Michael were thankfully busy unloading their few things from the Winnebago, so they couldn't see just how embarrassed Jason was as he hugged his mother. _Thanks for letting me and my...ugh..._it still killed him to think it, but he knew that he must. _...friends stay._

As it turned out, Mrs. Voorhees was more than happy to let her son and his new friends move back into the cabins of Camp Crystal Lake. "I'm just happy that my big, strong Jason has made some little friends to play with."

Jason sighed. _Mommy, I don't 'play'. I'm not ten years old anymore; I'm a grown man in my twenties. Can't we-_

"Fifties!" Ghostface exclaimed, walking up to the hulking killer, "Don't lie, you're like what? Fifty-nine?"

_I am not that old, damn it! I'm-_

"The bitch is thirty-something. Who gives a fuck?" Freddy broke in, giving Mrs. Voorhees a warm, fake smile. He held out his razored hand to her, offering a civil handshake. Immediately her eyes grew murderous. She swatted his hand away.

"Are you that mean boy who picks on my Jason?"

He laughed at this and elbowed a shamed Jason Voorhees in the ribs. "Hockeypuck, you told her that I pick on you?! What a bitch!"

The tall, hulking killer was now thoroughly embarrassed. What could make this reunion worse? From over by the Winnebago there came a loud thought of, _Jaaaaasssssssssooooonnnn, I can't find my spare mask! Where is it?_

He went over to help Michael search for the missing item. _Idiot, how should I know? I told you to put it under your seat so it wouldn't get lost._

Michael hopped out of the car and shrugged. _Well I just looked everywhere and I can't find it._

_I don't know where the fuck it is, okay?! My mother is over there embarrassing me and I don't have time to look for your stupid extra mask! _Just as he thought this, Freddy let out a loud sound of disgust. Jason and Michael glanced back over at the three killers in surprise.

"Oh, _sick, _Fuckface! What are you doing?!"

Ghostface was holding Michael's spare white mask close to his face. He'd lifted up his own mask to reveal his mouth and nose and was loudly smelling it and licking the mouth part. Michael hid his face in his hands and went over to retrieve it. _No, gross, stop it! That's no fair, I just bought that one!_

"But it still smells like you...ahhh, so fucking good..." he hugged it to his chest and when Michael made another move to get it back, he stuck it in his pants. Jason rolled his eyes at this and went over to them.

_Ghostface, give him back the mask._

"Oh, how wonderful!" Mrs. Voorhees exclaimed as she watched Michael and Ghostface quarrel. "I didn't know that you two had gotten married!"

Michael's eyes grew wide at this and he shook his head. _No ma'am, we're not-_

"Last June." Ghostface said proudly, hugging a resentful Myers to him. "It was beautiful—lots of cake and shit, real nice."

Mrs. Voorhees nodded and playfully slapped her son's shoulder. "Jason, why didn't you tell me that they were getting married?"

_Because they're not—they didn't! Michael hates Ghostface! I've told you that before, mommy. _He answered, reaching down Ghostface's pants to retrieve the mask. His eyes grew wide as he thought, _G-Ghostface, why aren't you wearing underwear?_

"Uggghhh fucking sick!" Freddy howled, backing away and shaking his head. "I can't believe this shit...dragged to a camp to live with a bunch of faggots..."

At last Voorhees managed to get the mask back. Once that was done he explained to his confused, oblivious mother, _Mommy, please try and listen—Michael and Ghostface don't get along, no matter what Ghostface says, okay?_

"Oh, I see. Well, that's fine. Good dear," she said, patting her son's head and smiling. She turned to the shady cabin that was behind them and said happily, "I've been waiting for this day for a long time, my dear Jason. You and one of your little friends can stay in one cabin, and another two can sleep in the other. I'll be in the one right next to you."

_Mommy, you don't have to stay next to us. _Jason thought, embarrassed. He turned to Michael and indicated the cabin. _Wanna go put your stuff down?_

"Uh...no, no, no!" Ghostface exclaimed, jumping forward in protest. "We never agreed on roommates! This is bullshit! You never said-"

But Mrs. Voorhees was already pulling a protesting Freddy and Ghostface over to the cabin to the right. It was only a few feet away from Michael and Jason's cabin, but still this wasn't good enough for Ghostface. He insisted that he not only sleep in the same room as Myers, but in the same bed as well. This resulted in an hour long lecture of personal space from Jason. Later Mrs. Voorhees barged into Jason's cabin and smiled at how well her son and his friend were getting along.

"Darling, I don't want to trouble you, but..."

Jason rolled his eyes and reached for his machete. _Where are they?_

"Off in the woods to the right."

_How many?_

"Four—three boys and one girl."

_Ages?_

"Between twenty-one and twenty-three." she said sweetly, smiling at her son as he walked out of the cabin.

Just before Jason left he turned to Michael and thought, _Myers, listen. I have to go do a job and kill some kids. Don't do anything stupid until I get back._

_Okay. See you later._

With that, Jason walked off. Mrs. Voorhees watched him go, her eyes alight with affection for her only son. Michael noticed this and immediately felt uncomfortable. He shifted awkwardly in his seat and tried to think of an excuse to leave. Mrs. Voorhees wouldn't let him, though. "Mikey, dear, my son really seems to like you."

He shrugged awkwardly. _Y-Yeah, I guess we're okay with each other. I mean, he hasn't tried to kill me in a whole week, which is really saying something. When he met he'd try to kill me at least twenty times a day._

She laughed at this and nodded. "Oh yes, my Jason." then her laughter gradually faded until there was only a long, drawn out silence between them. At last she said, "Oh, and Mikey?"

_Yes, Mrs. Voorhees?_

"You can call me mom if you want. Jason tells me that you never had a good family to raise you."

Michael turned red under his mask when he thought back to his horrible, neglectful parents. _Yes ma'am—mom._

She gave Myers an unnerving smile. "Good, dear. I'll see you later for dinner."

–

If asked, Michael would've said that Mrs. Voorhees had always unnerved him. There was something about him that nobody else in the gang—aside from Jason—knew, and it was that often when he'd been fed up with life in the old apartment, he'd drive off in the night with whom he considered to be his best friend. He and Jason had taken a good many trips to Camp Crystal Lake before, as Jason really didn't like to leave his mother alone for more than a week. He knew Mrs. Voorhees relatively well, and every time she saw him she'd give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek; she'd treat him like her younger son, which was nice. She was also overly attached and clingy. This wasn't so nice. If there was anyone in the gang that Mrs. Voorhees loved besides her wayward son, it was Michael Myers, which is why later he met her at the camp kitchen to help her fix dinner.

That night Jason's mother gathered everyone up in her cabin and sat them down at a big table. She served them and said with a smile, "I'm so happy to have a family again." she said, glancing from Ghostface to Michael. Freddy, however, was obviously excluded from her indulgences. She clearly hated him.

Jason burst into the cabin and dropped the dead bodies of two teenagers at his mother's feet. _Dinner time?_

Truthfully, Jason had missed his mother's attention and was happy to take his usual seat by her side. Michael sat on her left, and he sat on her right. Freddy and Ghostface seemed out of place with the warm atmosphere. "So you cooked, Mrs. V.?" Ghostface asked as he dug into his plate of warm, delicious food. None of them had eaten real food that wasn't pizza in nearly a year. Michael remembered this, lifted up his mask slightly, and downed his first serving in a minute.

_Mam, can I have some more? _'Mam' was his odd crossing between 'mom' and 'ma'am' that he'd settled on calling Mrs. Voorhees. She seemed delighted at his new name for her and thought it adorable.

"Oh, Mikey, you can have as much as you want, darling—here." she fixed him another plate.

Freddy saw Mrs. Voorhees' motherly display and chuckled. "Wow, Hockeypuck, I never knew how much your damn mother spoiled you."

"Yeah, I wish that I'd had parents who treated me this good." Ghostface agreed, eating quickly. Jason said nothing.

Mrs. Voorhees heard their compliments and shrugged them off. "It's a mother's job to spoil her son." then she said to her dear Jason, "Dear, did you manage to kill them all, or did you leave a straggler or two?"

Jason, who had been watching Michael address his mother with a mixture of disgust and jealousy, snapped back to reality and began eating slowly. _I got most of them..._

"Most?" Mrs. Voorhees' tone suddenly turned deadly. Immediately everyone stopped eating and gave the usually kindly woman a shocked look. Jason flinched away from his mother and shrugged like a kid caught doing something bad.

_One of them ran really fast and-_

"Well then why didn't you chase them, _dear?" _she spat the word out like it was dirt.

Freddy glanced from mother to son and said, his eyes wide with realization, "Ooohhh that's why you're so fucked up—'cause your mother's a fucking psycho-bitch."

"Jason!" Mrs. Voorhees exclaimed, making everyone jump, "How many times have I told you to finish what you start?!" she jumped up out of her seat, took her son's plate away, and slapped him roughly across the face. "No dinner until you finish what mommy sent you out to do!"

_But mom, I'm hungry._

"Are you retarded? I said go!" she yelled, pointing to the door. Her son sighed, got up, and went out of the door. The others watched him go with expressions of horror.

"Uhh...Mrs. V., are you okay?" Ghostface asked the fuming woman. She ignored him and began pacing about the room, mumbling insanely to herself.

"They said that they'd watch him, my Jason, but they didn't...kill her, mommy, kill her...oh, my poor Jason..."

_Ummm...mam, are you okay?_

"Okay? Am I..." Mrs. Voorhees snapped back to normal and laughed lightheartedly. She sat back down and resumed her meal. "Mikey, don't forget to eat your vegetables; you want to grow up big and strong like my dear Jason."

_Mam, I am a grown-up._

She chuckled as if he were just a child playing make-believe. "Haha, of course you are, dear, of course you are."

–

Later Freddy dragged Ghostface over to Michael and Jason's cabin. Jason had returned just a few minutes before covered in blood, exhausted, and hungry, but still Freddy called out, "Family meeting!"

"So we're a family now?" Ghostface asked, rolling his eyes and sitting on one of the small beds in Michael and Jason's cabin.

Freddy turned to him and snapped, "Shut the hell up, Fuckface. I never said family, I said _group_ meeting."

"You said-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Freddy yelled, beating his fist against the wall of the cabin. He turned his temper on Jason and cried out, "Alright, I gotta admit that coming here seemed like a pretty fucking stupid plan to begin with, and now your mom turns out to be a God damn psycho-bitch from Hell!"

_She's not a psycho-bitch! _Jason argued, _she's a lovely woman who's just lonely! She misses me, that's all!_

_Well she did kind of call you retarded. _Michael pointed out.

_So what? You guys call me that all the time._

_To be honest she scared the crap out of me._

_What? She loves you guys! Well…Freddy not so much, but she loves you and Ghostface._

"I don't _want _to be her fucking son!" Ghostface said, shuttering as he remembered his own childhood and parents—or lack thereof. "I didn't even want my own parents being my parents!"

"And she treats me like crap." Freddy chimed in.

_Only because you treat me—along with every other person in the damn world—like crap. _Jason pointed out, leaning leisurely against the back wall of the cabin. Clearly nothing anyone was saying fazed him in the slightest.

Michael saw this and whined, _Don't do that, idiot, you'll get blood on the walls!_

Jason ignored this and thought out to every person in the room, _Alright, look here—I'm not leaving my mom again. The last time I left her it was for nearly two years. She needs me, you guys. I'm the one who keeps the camp safe from those stupid teenagers, and I'm the one who takes care of her. Okay, she's a little crazy and emotionally and physically abusive, but that's only because she loves me._

Everyone was silent for a long moment. At last Freddy piped up. "Alright, Voorhees, I've said this once and I'll say it again—you're abso-fucking-lutley batshit crazy if you honestly think that your mom is sane."

–

Later that night it struck Freddy, Ghostface, and Michael how cold it could be. They sat in a single cabin shivering as Jason cleaned up the mess they'd made—the trio couldn't go anywhere without generally tearing a place apart. As Jason threw a pair of Ghostface's dirty underwear into a pile, he turned to the others and instructed, _Alright, that's enough. Everyone stop pretending to be cold; Michael, go make sure that your side of the cabin is clean.  
_

_We're n-not pretending! _Myers protested.

"It's really cold!" Ghostface snapped, huddling closer to a trembling Michael. "You never told us that it gets this cold at night!"

_It's just a little chilly. So what? _Jason said maturely, crossing his arms over his chest. Everyone exchanged glances. Ghostface looked over to Michael and under his mask he smiled slyly.

"I hate the cold." He snuggled up to the other serial killer and announced, "So I claim Myers as my blanket."

_But I'm not a blanket! _He protested, trying to push the other killer away. _Leave me alone! God, I wish you were dead!_

–

Outside of the cabin Mrs. Voorhees watched and listened carefully; she was stooped down by the door, trying not to be seen. She heard Michael's distress and a frown came upon her face. _My Mikey, _she thought, _in trouble? Who could make him so sad?_

She watched as Ghostface curled up in Michael's lap and kissed him everywhere he could. A little feeling of anger began to grow in Mrs. Voorhees' heart. She began to tremble as she watched the perverted killer do this, and she found that she was now rising up to her full height. "You think that you can take my little Jason's friend away from him?! Bad Ghostface, bad…I'll have to teach you a lesson like I did with all the others who hurt my Jason…I'll kill you."

She noted how depressed Jason looked as his best friend was touched and fondled, and it crossed her mind just how much her son loved the younger killer. It was then, as she turned and walked back to her own cabin, that Mrs. Voorhees began to crack all over again. She'd make that horrible Ghostface pay for stealing Michael away from Jason—or at least that's what was happening in her twisted mind. She'd make all of them pay.

–

Inside of the cabin Michael could stand it no longer. He broke free of Ghostface's grasp and ran out of the cabin. Jason went to follow him, thinking, _Hey, wait! You can't go outside at night, it's dangerous, Mike!_

_Just leave me alone! _He thought, slamming the door behind him. _I'm not a little kid, I can take care of myself!_

Michael did the only thing he knew; he ran deep into the forest of Camp Crystal Lake and didn't stop until he stumbled and fell over something. _Ow…what the hell? _He looked around to see what had tripped him and was surprised to see an old teddy bear lying in a clearing. Slowly Michael rose up and made his way over to it, his eyes shining with curiosity. _Who would leave a teddy bear all the way out here?_

The stuffed animal was clearly old and worn, missing a button eye and a large bit of stuffing. The red bow that it had tied around its neck was in tatters, and a lopsided smile was stitched onto his mouth. Michael leaned down and picked it up carefully, rubbing away years of dead leaves and forest filth. He turned the teddy bear over in his hands and smiled. _Would you like to be my new friend? _He thought to the decaying animal. _I'll call you—_

"My name is Bartholomew, you idiot." The bear said, glaring at Michael.

Of course the killer was shocked that a stuffed animal could speak at all, but after he considered it, this wasn't so strange. After all, he heard voices in his head all the time, so why couldn't stuffed teddy bears speak? He turned the bear over so that he could clearly see its face and said silently, _That's a stupid name for a bear. I will call you Bear._

"But that's not my name! It's—"

_Ssshhh, it's okay, Bear. You're my special friend now and you can make all the bad go away. _Michael thought, sitting down on the forest floor. He hugged the bear to his chest and smiled childishly under his mask. He'd had a friend like this when he'd been younger; now as he cradled the bear to him he felt a small bit of his human soul returning to him. The bear, on the other hand, was disgusted.

"Take me home." He instructed Michael. The serial killer nodded and stood up quickly. He had to show Jason his new, special friend, he decided. Only Voorhees would appreciate this kind of remarkable discovery. As he reached his cabin, he wasn't surprised to see that Freddy and Ghostface were still there. He burst inside and held out the grubby bear for all to see.

_Look what I found! It's a—_

"A baby toy. Good job, Myers." Ghostface said, rolling his eyes.

Freddy just laughed and exclaimed, "You're such a kid, Myers! Damn, how can Voorhees put up with you?!"

Michael ignored their teasing and presented the stuffed animal to Jason, who looked upon it with contempt. _Yes, I see. It's a very nice bear, Mike, but put it away, okay? The adults are talking._

_No, wait! It talks, just listen. _Michael said to Bear, _Go on, talk to them like you talked to me._

"They can't hear me, Michael. Only you can hear me." The bears said, its smile curling upwards into a grin of pure evil.

_There, you see?! _Michael said to everyone, waving the bear around like a madman. Jason, Freddy, and Ghostface exchanged looks of skepticism.

At last Ghostface said, "You've finally cracked, Myers. Look, give me the bear." He held out his hand, and resentfully Myers handed it over. Ghostface then shook the thing, sending stuffing flying everywhere, and he said quite logically, "Michael, stuffed animals don't talk, see? He isn't saying a thing, it's all in your fucked up head."

_No it's not! He's my new friend and he really talks and…and…_

_Michael, please just stop. _Jason thought firmly, pulling the other killer into a brief hug. _Look, it's attention you want, you have it. Just stop pretending, okay?_

_No! He's real and he's talking right now! _Michael thought sadly, taking back his stuffed bear. Freddy laughed at his childish behavior hysterically.

"You're an idiot if you think that thing can talk! Damn, you're really a kid!" he punched Michael roughly in the stomach and pushed him away. "Now go brush your teeth and change into your jammies, okay asshole? It's past your bedtime."

Michael looked at them all and sighed. He realized that they just didn't understand—most people didn't. He'd hoped, however, that perhaps Jason might see what he saw in the bear. This was no ordinary stuffed animal. It was alive. Michael threw himself down on his bed and glared at the wall, hugging the bear to him. Jason saw this and rolled his eyes.

_Don't be dramatic, Mike._

_Don't call me that! _He thought snappishly. _My name's not 'Mike', it's Michael._

_Oh…okay. _Jason thought, seeming kind of hurt at his friend's outburst. He didn't hesitate to go over and gently put the covers over the younger killer. Glancing back over at the others and seeing that they were busy destroying whatever part of the cabin they could, Jason seized the opportunity to quickly run a hand thru Michael's hair and then back away. _Goodnight._

Michael ignored this display of affection and instead thought quietly to his bear, _You're the only one who understands me…you're my new best friend._

"Good," Bear said to him, blinking his good button eye, "now kill them all."

–

****A/N****

A crazed serial killing mother? A strange talking teddy bear? What the hell am I thinking, you may ask. Well it's simple; the new season of _Scream For Me _will be more bizarre than ever. Bear is really a personification of Michael's childlike instincts. As for Mrs. Voorhees…well, before this is over, almost everyone will be dead. Sound promising? Well then read the next episode. Trust me, things will get more interesting. Thanks for reading and for all the reviews. I appreciate it.


	47. Part 2 Episode 2--Maskless

Part 2 of the _Scream For Me _series

Episode 2—Maskless

_Scream like you never have before,  
Scream!  
Scream till you can't scream anymore,  
Scream!  
Scream like your throats are bleeding,  
Scream!  
Scream till your hearts stop beating,  
SCREAM FOR ME!_

-Slipknot, _Scream_

The next few weeks brought nothing of note. Our four killers fell into a dull, monotonous schedule that included sleeping, eating, more sleeping, trying to kill each other, and in the case of Ghostface, proposing a Vegas wedding between he and Michael that included a wedding cake made strictly out of his favorite Little Debbie snacks, honeybuns. Of course this, which promised to be the most interesting event of our time, was quickly put to an end with Michael's refusal to commitment. So we now join our four killers as they indulge themselves to a quiet day at the lake.

Ghostface ran off the dock and announced loudly, "Hey, watch this!"

Nobody paid him any mind as he launched his skinny, pale body off of the dock and into the murky depths of Camp Crystal Lake. He splashed down into the water, sending a shower of dirty lake water on the other two killers who were busy trying to relax. Michael, who had his teddy bear cradled to his chest, was stationed a ways away on the dock. The only reason that he was even with the others was because Jason didn't want to leave him by himself because of his self-destructive habits. Now he sat looking sullenly at Bear, his normal outfit now reduced to nothing but his boxers. He dangled his feet in the water and sighed.

Jason was the only one who had noticed his friend's antisocial behavior. He went over to him and sat down. Although Freddy had insisted that everyone stop being pussies and wear their underwear to swim like 'real men', Jason had refused. He sat there in his pants and jacket, shirtless. He reached a hand out to Michael and was startled when the younger killer slashed his kitchen knife at him and cut his hand.

_Ow! Mike, what the hell?! _He asked, reeling back.

_Leave me alone! _Michael thought snappishly, scooting away from him. _I fucking told you that I just want to be left alone with Bear._

_Michael, look, it's a nice day. Why not just sit out and enjoy—hey! _He looked over and saw Freddy and Ghostface wrestling in the lake and trying to drown each other. _Stop that! What did I say?! What was the only fucking rule I told you? Don't try to kill each other! _He got to his feet then hurried over to where Freddy and Ghostface were bickering.

"You stupid fuck, you know I don't like getting my hat wet!" Freddy howled as he tried to get his hat away from Ghsotface. The other talking killer let out a laugh and dove under the water, the top hat clutched tightly in his hands. Jason sighed and went in after him.

After hauling Ghostface back onto the dock, Jason held out his hand. _Give me the damn hat!_

"What hat?"

_Asshole! _He thought in exasperation as he forcibly made Ghostface give him the hat. He took it then threw it back at Freddy. _Don't do that again! You know how he has a fetish for that fucking hat. _

"I do not have a _fetish _for it!" Freddy protested, climbing up out of the lake onto the dock. "It just makes me look sexy."

_Really? You think so, do you? _Jason asked, sitting on top of Ghostface so that the smaller killer wouldn't move.

"What—let me go! Get off, fatass!" Ghostface howled, kicking and screaming violently.

_No, _Jason thought, putting more of his weight on the younger killer. _Because every time I let you go, you just fuck up again. If this is going to work out without me killing myself, you guys are gonna have to learn some discipline._

"D-Discipline?!" Ghostface asked fearfully, "But I'm allergic to that stuff!"

"Save it, Hockeypuck is just being an ass." Freddy said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Discipline isn't real, it's like a fucking bedtime story that parents tell their kids to scare them."

_You're getting a time-out next, Kruger._

"I'd like to see you try. What about Myers? He should get a time-out for being so goddamn antisocial." Freddy said defensively. Over a ways away Michael looked up and blinked, clearly not having followed the conversation at all.

_What?_

"You're a fucking freak, man!" Freddy teased, kicking some water over at Michael. The serial killer flinched back and covered Bear from the water. This only made the other two talking killers laugh harder. Jason, however, was not amused. Before he could discipline them further, however, Mrs. Voorhees came up to them, a smile on her face. She was carrying a tray of sandwiches.

"Hello, dears. I think it's lunch time."

"Aw fuck yeah it is!" Freddy exclaimed, hurrying over to the woman. She pushed him away and presented the food to Michael and Jason.

"Are my two darlings hungry?"

"But there are four sandwiches!" Ghostface cried out sadly. "Don't me and Freddy even get one?!"

She cast him a deadly glare and said curtly, "Don't be ridiculous; there's two for my Jason, one for Mikey, and one for his darling Bear. Here." She said, handing Myers his two sandwiches. He took them and gave her a quiet thank-you. Jason, however, only took one, having remembered Ghostface's 'fatass' comment.

_I'm going on a diet, mom. I don't need two, just one._

"Jason, don't be silly." She said, eyeing his muscular frame. "You're not fa—"

_Just…please, mom. _He said, looking down.

Michael watched him and thought of telling his friend that he wasn't fat, but Bear whispered in his ear, "Hey, dumbass, give me my sandwich."

_Okay, Bear. _He thought, feeding his teddy bear part of his sandwich. He watched as the stuffed animal ate it and wondered how nobody else could see what he saw. He glanced over at Freddy and Ghostface and sighed. _Am I really just crazy?_

_Hey, want my sandwich? _Jason asked, holding out his food to the younger killer. Michael looked up at him, his dark, evil eyes shining with pity.

_Is it 'cause Fuckface called you a fatass?_

_No! Th-That's not it at all…_

"Tell him that he is a fatass!" Bear demanded. Michael heard this and shook his head.

He glanced down at Bear and thought, _No, Bear, I will not tell him that he's a fatass!_

"Why not?!"

_Because it's not nice!_

_Uh…Mike? You okay?_

_Huh? _He smiled up at Jason and nodded. _Yep, great._

_Still doing that thing where you think the bear is real?_

_He is real, Jason._

_Yeah…right…I've gotta go talk to Freddy._ He went over to where Ghostface and Freddy sat, talking amongst themselves, and pulled Freddy aside. _Look, we have a problem and Ghostface is too stupid to help._

"Yeah, the problem is that you're a fatass." He said, laughing. Jason sighed.

_You're really gonna joke about that, huh?_

"Yep, me and Fuckface decided that's your new name." he said, smiling evilly. Jason wanted to tackle this subject, but he knew that he had more pressing problems as of then.

He motioned over to Michael and thought worriedly, _Look, I'm worried about Myers. He's still insisting that the teddy bear is real, and—_

"So fucking what?! The idiot's a total kid anyway! Remember the damn Chucky doll? Remember that time we went to McDonald's and he cried 'cause the kid at the other table got the toy he wanted? The guy's got some kind of an inferiority complex, and the only way he can feel like he's worth a shit to anyone is by trying to get attention by saying that the damn teddy bear is real." Freddy leaned a little closer to Jason and said in a quieter tone, trying to make sure that they couldn't be overheard, "C'mon, man, you're playing right into his stupid hands."

Jason took a long moment to consider Freddy's words. It could be true that Michael suffered from some extreme inferiority complex, and perhaps a touch of youngest child syndrome, but simply excusing his recent behavior wasn't an option for him. As much as he hated to admit it, he and Myers were friends. Best friends, he thought, and although he'd never had a best friend before, Jason knew that you shouldn't let your best friend suffer. Besides that, there was something about that teddy bear that unnerved him.

At last he thought, pushing Freddy back, _You know what? I'm sorry I asked for your help at all. Just piss off. I'll figure this out on my own, just like every other fucking thing. _He turned and went to walk away, but then another thought came to him. He smiled under his mask and thought, _And it's too bad, y'know._

"What's too bad, fatass?" Freddy demanded. It was his business to know everything, and he wouldn't let some hockey puck like Jason keep secrets from him.

Jason stared at the ground as he thought, _It's too bad that Myers is almost out of his medicine._

"What the fuck does that have to do with me? Why should I give a fuck?"

_Well, I just figured that once he runs out, well…you see how crazy he is now. When he runs out of his anti-depressants, anger pills, ADHD, and schizophrenia medicine we'll all be fucked. He'll kill you first, I think. Then it'll be Fuckface, then—_

"Shut up!" Freddy cried, catching up to Jason. He punched him hard in the ribs, trying to get his attention, "You're joking…you always keep on top of his medicine. You know when to refill his prescriptions, right?"

Jason cast him a clueless glance. _I don't know…do I?_

And so it was in this manner that Freddy Kruger and Michael Myers woke up early the next morning and set out to the nearest town to find a pharmacy to fill the prescriptions. Ghostface and Jason elected to stay behind to watch after Mrs. Voorhees who, as the days went on, became more and more catatonic. Michael didn't even leave voluntarily. During the early morning hours Jason actually got up and picked him up, along with Bear, and carried him into the Winnebago himself. He tucked the teddy bear in with Michael and threw a blanket over the younger killer. As Freddy hauled his tired form into the car, Jason pressed his mask against Myers', in an attempt to give him a kiss. This was awkward since his lips actually only touched the inside of his hockey mask, but it was a charming gesture nonetheless.

He patted Michael's hand gently and thought to him quietly, _Be safe and please don't make Freddy mad._

He then backed away from the car and watched as it sped off into the lifting grayness of morning. Once that was done he went back to his cabin and fell back into a fitful sleep. The next thing that awoke him was the howling of Ghostface. Jason shot up in his bed and looked around. _What? M-Michael? Are you okay?_

"Dear fucking God, she's trying to kill me!"

He snapped back to reality as he realized it wasn't his best friend yelling—it was Ghostface. Jason jumped out of bed and hurried out of his cabin and into the one that the two talking killers usually shared. To his surprise Ghostface was standing on his bed, covering his face. Jason took in the scene and sighed in relief and frustration.

_Ghostface, what the hell was up with you screaming?! It's nine in the morning and I'm tired!_

"Wh-What?" Ghostface uncovered his face and looked around frantically. "Hey, man your mom was just in here and—"

_Oh not this again. _Jason thought angrily. Over the past few days both Freddy and Ghostface had come to him with wild stories of his dear mother trying to kill them. As hard as it was for the logical, rational killer to believe that his dearest mother was a psychopath, something in his mind told him that it was true. He'd always known that his mother wasn't 'quite all there', as one might say. In fact, she was totally nuts, but this didn't stop Jason from loving her nonetheless. The stories that the two talking killers were formulating were also crazy. Now here Ghostface was, waking him up at dawn just when he'd managed to fall into a good sleep, and making up some stupid story.

Jason sighed and thought to Ghostface calmly, _Okay, look, I know that you want attention, but this has gone too far. My mother—_

"Is a fucking psycho-bitch that has it out for me and Kruger!" Ghostface completed, jumping down off of his bed. He went up to Jason and shook him violently as he tried to drive his point home, "Why can't you believe us?! She's trying to kill me and Freddy!"

_And why would she try to do that?_

"Because you're an asshole and you told her to!" Ghostface cried, looking around. He said, full of paranoia, "Fuck it, I bet she's here right now listening…come out, Mrs. Voorhees! I know what you're trying to do and it won't work!"

_That's enough, stop it! _Jason thought angrily, punching Ghostface in the ribs. The small killer doubled over in pain and let out a pathetic, agonized groan. _Don't make fun of my mommy. She's a perfectly nice lady whose just trying to keep us all happy…and you and Freddy aren't exactly the easiest people to get along with. _He turned to leave with that, but before he could go Ghostface said something else.

"Are you kidding?!" he asked, still gripping his stomach. "We're the most fucking agreeable people in the goddamn world—or at least I am. I'm fucking adorable."

Jason just rolled his eyes and went outside. He stared out at the sunrise over the lake and let out a worried sigh. He wondered how far along Michael and Freddy were. He wondered if he'd been right to manipulate Freddy into taking Myers along for a daytrip away…then again, maybe that's just what the younger killer needed. Jason knew that when he spent too much time here he tended to go a little crazy.

Mrs. Voorhees watched from outside of the cabin as her son and Ghostface had their argument. She smiled to herself and hid the small knife that she'd been carrying in her pocket. Ghostface was an idiot; first he thought that he could steal her Jason's best friend, now he thought that he could turn her son against her. How ridiculous. Yes, she'd tried to kill him, and it wasn't the first time. The past few weeks had been a series of death threats and attempted assassinations by the worrisome mother. Now that her Mikey was temporarily gone—she didn't know where her adopted son had wandered off to, but she assumed he wouldn't go far—it was the perfect opportunity to remove Ghostface from the picture.

After taking a moment to smooth out her sweater and fix her hair into place, she plastered a big, fake smile on her face and strode into Ghostface's cabin. "Good morning, my darling."

The killer fell back against the wall, trying to defend himself from the woman. "G-Good morning?! You just came in and tried to kill me!"

Mrs. Voorhees laughed at this and shook her head. "No, no, you must've just had a bad dream. Come here, I'll make it better." She forced a resentful, terrified Ghostface into a tight hug and gently said into his ear, "Come now, darling, don't be scared. You're just stressed out, aren't you?"

"I…I guess I am." He said, relaxing a little. "Yeah, really stressed out."

"Then let's go fix some breakfast." Mrs. Voorhees said, nudging the killer in the direction of the door. He went out, his head hung low, mumbling to himself about how stressed out he was. If there was anything that Mrs. Voorhees knew, it was how to manipulate people.

Hours later Michael finally awoke to the sound of Freddy singing to the radio. He was puzzled; he didn't sleep in the came cabin as Freddy. Had Jason thrown him out? He let out a yawn and glanced over at the other serial killer. _Freddy, what's going on? Are we going on an adventure?_

"Yeah, you stupid fuck, we're going on a grand fucking adventure." He growled in response, gripping the steering wheel tighter. There was something about the way that Myers thought his thoughts that never failed to completely piss him off. To him the youngest killer sounded like the most ignorant motherfucker that had ever had the displeasure to tread upon the stinking Earth. Freddy had no patience at all normally, which meant that he had no toleration for Michael's childish behavior, which in Kruger's mind was a sure attempt at getting everyone's attention. After all, he figured, nobody could really be that stupid. Oh, how he underestimated Michael Myers' stupidity.

Hours of driving had given Freddy the opportunity to formulate a plan. Fuck the medications; that wasn't what was making Michael like this. It was that damn bear, and Freddy was going to get rid of it no matter what. He slyly held out his clawed hand to Myers and insisted, "How about I hold that bear of yours for a while."

Michael peered down at his stuffed friend to hear what he had to say. The bear looked up at him with his one good button eye and said, his voice full of hostility, "Do not hand me over to that stupid fuck! I only want to be with _you, _Michael. You're my best friend."

Myers then turned his attention back to Freddy and resentfully shook his head. _No, Bear is my best friend. He wants to stay with me._

"Kill him, Michael," Bear whispered to him, "Kill them all; rip out their hearts and feed them to me…"

_Wait…what?_

"Uh…I mean…give me a hug."

Michael obliged the Bear's request and hugged him close to his chest. "I love you, Bear."

_Hmm, _Freddy thought, frowning, _this might be harder than I thought._

Back at camp Ghostface was busy helping Mrs. Voorhees cook breakfast. He watched her carefully as she brandished a huge knife before him and demanded harshly, "Would you cook the eggs please?"

He nodded and said fearfully, "Y-Yes ma'am."

Her voice softened and she came nearer him, the knife still in her hand. "Good, dear."

"Ah…Mrs. V.? Could you please put that knife down?" he asked politely, trying to edge away from her slowly. He didn't want to seem rude and really set her off. He'd never been so unnerved by a woman before in his life; there was something about Mrs. Voorhees that always had him on edge, though. He didn't know what it was, but…

"Don't tell me what to do!" she screeched, pounding a fist against the counter. Ghostface flinched and began sobbing, unsure of what to do.

"O-Okay, yes ma'am, I-I'm fucking sorry, I'm sorry…" _I'm going to fucking die, _he thought as Mrs. Voorhees haphazardly swung the knife around, cutting ham to put in with the eggs. He flinched away just as the blade whizzed past his neck. "Whoa! Lady, calm the fuck down! It's like you're trying to fucking kill me or something!"

It was then that he met the mother's eyes and saw nothing put pure hatred. A small, sadistic smile came upon Mrs. Voorhees' face as she held up the knife once again. "Now darling, why would I want to kill you? Because you're making my Jason's life harder? Because you're a disrespectful little—"

_Hey, is breakfast almost done? _Jason thought, barging into the kitchen. He took in the scene before him and under his mask he smiled. He went up to his mom and gave her an affectionate hug. _Aw mom, you're the best, trying to teach an idiot like Ghostface how to cook._

Ghostface stood huddled in a corner, holding up a frying pan in a weak attempt at a defense. "T-Trying to what?! Teach me how to cook? Are you fucking kidding me?!" he watched as Jason was codled by his mother and threw the pan angrily onto the ground. "Are you blind, man? She was trying to fucking kill me!"

_Don't be so dramatic, Fuckface, _Jason thought shaking his head, _a little work won't kill you._

"But she tried to kill me!" Ghostface insisted. Mrs. Voorhees gave him a deadly look and threw her knife at him. Thankfully by this time Ghostface was a master at dodging hits, and he managed to duck before the blade buried itself in his skull. Jason saw all of this and just shrugged.

_It's just how she displays her love, man. My mother is very emotionally complex._

"E-Emotionally complex?!" the other killer demanded. "I'm about to be dead…complex…"

Jason rolled his eyes at this. _You sound like an idiot._

"I am, but that's not the point!" Ghostface said, pulling the other killer aside from Mrs. Voorhees. "If you don't tell her that we're friends, then she's gonna kill me!"

_But we're not friends._

Mrs. Voorhees heard this and her smile grew. Ghostface just let out a deep sigh and walked out of the kitchen. "I'm dead."

Meanwhile Freddy was busy formulating a grand master plan on how to finally get rid of Michael. In his mind the young, immature serial killer was nothing but a nuisance; he monopolized everyone's attention with his stupid antics, and now he was pretending that a teddy bear was alive. This pissed him off. If anyone should be the center of attention it was he, Freddy Kruger.

As they sped down the road that lead to the nearest town, Freddy finally came up with an idea. He pulled off to the side of the road and, after making sure that Myers was still peacefully slumbering, he grabbed the teddy bear from his arms and threw him out the window. Laughing, he then sped off again, the stuffed animal now far away. When Michael woke up later, he began looking around the vehicle frantically.

_Where is he?! Where's Bear?_

"Out the window a few miles back." Freddy answered, laughing manically. He was so busy focusing on his genius that he didn't see the dark, violent look that came into Michael's black eyes. Myers lunged at him, stabbing at him with his knife. This sent the car spinning off the road and into a tree. Freddy yelled, trying to push him away, but it was too late. They crashed.

"Fuck you, Myers! You stupid prick, look what you did!" he cried, pushing Michael off of him. He slashed his mask with his claws, sending shreds of white latex around the car. Michael, knowing that a small bit of his face was exposed, hurried to cover himself.

_I fucking hate you, Freddy! _He thought, crying out of frustration. _You ruin everything!_

"Look, Myers, you may have everyone else giving you attention, but I fucking refuse. You're an asshole, and I fucking hate your stupid ass." He pointed to the door of the Winnebago and demanded, "Get the fuck out of my car."

_It's not your car. It's—_

"Get the fuck out!" Freddy howled, kicking Michael into the door. Myers fell out of the wreck of the car onto the ground. He then raised up his middle finger to Kruger then ran off back in the direction of Camp Crystal Lake. Maybe if he was fast, he could still find Bear before anything bad happened to him.

As the sun rose up into the sky, Ghostface figured that it would be an ideal day to go out to the lake again. Since he was still fearful that Mrs. Voorhees would find him, he asked Jason to come along. _Let me get this straight, _Jason thought to him, his arms crossed over his broad chest, _you want me to go alone with you, a rapist, to a secluded location, and to take off most of my clothes to swim with you in a filthy, dirty lake?_

"Yep, sounds fun, huh?"

_Fuck off. I'm busy._

So Ghostface made his way to the lake himself. He threw off his shirt, shoes, and pants and laid his skinny, pale form down on the dock to relax. Just as he began dozing off, his phone made a little buzzing noise. Ghostface arched a brow and sat up. Who would text him? He took the phone and lifted up his mask so he could better read the screen in the daylight.

"You shouldn't ever take off that mask, dear. You're horribly ugly."

Ghostface froze and asked fearfully, "M-Mrs. Voorhees?"

She ran up to him, took his mask, and threw it into the water. Ghostface jumped him and looked around, his full face now exposed for the first time in years. "Are you fucking crazy?!" Mrs. Voorhees laughed and lunged out, pushing him into the water angrily.

"Stay away from my Jason!"

Ghostface gagged and spat out a mouthful of water and let out a growl of annoyance. It was then that he realized that Mrs. Voorhees wasn't so much a threat as an annoyance. "Look, lady," he said calmly, "you've gotta stop doing this. It's annoying."

"Me? _I'm _the annoying one?!" she demanded.

"Yeah, you always follow Jason and try to control his life…God, it's like you have a fetish for your own kid! Oh yeah, and speaking of kids," Ghostface said, climbing up the dock and out of the water, "Myers isn't your son, no matter how much you like him. He'll _never _be your kid and he'll _never _fucking like you. Nobody likes you. You're a clingy, manipulative bitch who only cares about herself. Lady, just fuck off!"

Mrs. Voorhees stood there, her eyes wide. "Wh-What did you just say to me?"

Ghostface threw up his arms and yelled at her, "You fucking heard me, lady! Fuck off!"

They were both silent for a long moment before the sound of heavy footsteps could be heard. It was Jason. His shirt was off, as were his shoes, and he held in his hands a towel. _Hey, sorry I was so bitchy earlier, Fuckface, but I think I'll hang out with you for a little while. _When he saw the looks on his mother's face, and when he saw Ghostface's unmasked face he stopped. _Is everything okay?_

Mrs. Voorhees snapped back into her normal, caring self and nodded. "Yes dear, everything's fine. Me and your friend were just having a chat."

_Why is his mask off?_

"She threw it in the la—"

"He got too hot and took it off." She cut Ghostface off. Jason glanced from his mother to his roommate and nodded.

_Right…hey, mom, can you make me a sandwich please? I'm hungry._

Mrs. Voorhees was only happy to serve her son. She nodded and quickly scampered off into the kitchen. Once they were alone, Jason turned his attention to Ghostface and indicated his exposed face. _You're not as ugly as I thought._

"Please, just…don't tell anyone else." He said, sounding sullen. "Especially Myers…I know I'm not good looking or anything, and—"

_No, I understand…but you're really not ugly…well, not that ugly, anyway. _He meant this as a joke, but Ghostface took it seriously.

"I know I'm ugly, okay?! Why do you think I wear the mask?!" Ghostface howled, covering his face with his hands. Jason just rolled his eyes. He was over this emotional conversation, as was he over seeing the other killer's real face. The truth was that Ghostface wasn't bad looking at all, especially compared to more unfortunate serial killers like Jason himself.

_I won't tell anyone what you look like, not even Michael. I just want to know what happened._

"Will you actually listen to me this time?"

_Sure._

"Then I'll tell you everything.

Michael Myers smiled under his tattered mask as he found his beloved teddy. He picked it up and dusted its fur off. _Are you okay, Bear?_

"Kill them all, especially that bastard that threw me out the fucking window." Bear said to Michael. The young killer shrugged.

_Okay, but that's not a very nice thing to think, Bear._

"Shut up and do what I say; go back to Camp Crystal Lake."

_Okay, then what?_

"Kill your best friend."

Freddy had a feeling of doom as he sped along into town. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. He couldn't ignore it anymore; he had a certain sense when someone was about to royally fuck something up, and then he had the feeling that Myers was about to do just that. Freddy rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. "Motherfucker's going to kill something." He mumbled, slamming on the brakes. He turned the Winnebago around and began speeding back in the direction of Camp Crystal Lake.

"I'll fucking kill him."

Myers reached camp quickly, and he went directly into the cabin that he and Jason shared. In his left hand he clutched Bear by his stuffed paw; in his right he held his polished kitchen knife. "Kill everything." Bear said to him. Michael nodded, his eyes now glazed over and unfocused. In truth he thought that he'd fallen asleep on the side of the road and was now part of some twisted dream. It wasn't real, so he might as well kill everyone that he hated while he had the opportunity.

_Okay, Bear, I'll kill them all._ He thought, bursting thru the door of his cabin. He wrecked everything that he could on Bear's command; he stabbed the pillows, threw clothes onto the ground, and stabbed mattresses.

"Good, now go kill an actual person, idiot." Bear said, his voice full of derision. Michael nodded skipped merrily out of the cabin. He found Mrs. Voorhees in the kitchen and went up to her. She seemed surprised at his sudden return.

"Oh, hello Mikey. Jason told me that you had a doctor's appointment."

_Bear told me to come home early. _He thought. She smiled at this, thinking that it was just another one of her adopted son's charming, childish games.

"Oh yes, sure dear, sure."

_And he told me something else._

"What did he tell you, dear?"

_To kill you._

As Jason and Ghostface relaxed by the lake, a horrible scream could be heard. Jason shot up and looked around. _What the hell was that?_

"I dunno…maybe a cat?"

_We're in the middle of a forest._

"A forest cat."

_Idiot! _Jason thought, getting to his feet and putting his jacket back on. _Stay here and put a towel over that thing you call a face. _He threw his towel over the other killer's face. Ghostface didn't even move.

"Alright, whatever. You go and investigate, I'll stay here and…fuck it, you know I'm not going to do a damn thing."

_Yeah, I've come to expect that. _Jason thought walking away from the dock. His heart filled with fear for his poor mother; he knew that she could defend herself, but he also knew that she was liable to slip into a psychotic breakdown any time. The slightest bit of stress could cause this, then he knew that perhaps not even he could help her. He couldn't imagine killing his own mother; this thought saddened him more than anything else. He'd rather hurt anyone else than poor Mrs. Voorhees…

At least, that's what he thought until he saw Michael walking out of the kitchen holding a bloody knife. Jason froze, his eyes wide. _H-Hey, Mike. What're you doing there with that knife?_

_Your mom had an accident. _Myers thought, hugging his teddy bear to his chest. _Bear tried to help her, but she got hurt…_

_Michael, what did you do?_

_Nothing. Bear did it._

Jason's heart filled with fear. He realized then just how serious this was. Michael was having a problem with this teddy bear…and where was Freddy? Wasn't he supposed to take Myers away today, to straighten him out? Michael began walking towards Jason, slowly raising his knife. Jason backed away a little, unsheathing his machete. He didn't want to hurt his friend, but if Michael had injured his mother, then it couldn't be helped.

_Michael, did you hurt my mom?_

Under his mask Michael smiled. His evil, possessed eyes shined with hatred as he thought, _She hurt herself, Jason. _

_Damn…we have a problem here. _He thought, backing away a little more. _Michael, don't make me hurt you. Don't make me—_just as he thought this, Michael jumped on him, stabbing his knife into him without any sign of remorse.

It was an odd thing, but as Jason stood there motionless, taking the brunt of the hits, watching his blood fall onto the earth, he felt terrified. It wasn't normal fear, but a different kind of feeling altogether. It was the utter terror that could only come from having to hurt your best friend; it was pain, it was regret, anger, but most of all terror. How could he hurt Michael? The guy was like his little brother…well, maybe more than that. Unable to think of what to do, Jason, quickly raised up an arm, trying to defend himself, and blindly reached out. He was trying to grab Michael's arm, but instead his fingers grasped something rubbery. Before he could stop himself he had yanked off the remains of Myers' mask and thrown it onto the ground. This seemed to stop the mindless attack.

Michael stood there, his teddy bear in his hands, and let his knife fall onto the ground. Knowing that his face was uncovered was enough to snap him out of his spell and make him attempt to cover his young face with his bloody hands. Jason saw this and reached out. He took Michael's hands and held them for a moment, trying to calm him down. Michael looked around.

_Where am I? How did I get here?_

_You walked here, Mike. Bear made you do it, remember?_

_Bear? _Myers glanced down at the bear that he held in his hands. Jason took it and held it behind his back.

_You realize that we have to get rid of this thing, right?_

_Yeah, I guess. _Michael went over to the tatters of his mask and began to cry like a stupid kid. _I'm sorry I hurt you, Jason._

_Okay, that's enough…stop this crying thing. _Jason thought sternly, his eyes surveying Michael's face. He'd been friends with the younger killer for years now and he'd never once seen his face in person. It wasn't nearly like he'd pictured it in his head; most serial killers held looks of eternal despair and hatred on their faces. Michael was different. His face was that of a young adult, full of mindless joy and innocence. He sighed and looked down.

Slowly Jason did something he'd never done for anyone in his life before; seeing that Michael was uncomfortable showing his face, he removed his own well-worn hockey mask and presented it to him. _Wear it until we can find your spare._

_But…what about you?_

_It's just a mask. I'll live without it. _

_Oh Jason…_ Michael took it and strapped it over his face then stared up at Jason. He thought, trying to sound tender and affectionate, _But you're so ugly. I think you need it way more than I do._

_Don't ruin the fucking moment, you clueless asshole. _Jason thought defensively, looking away in an effort to hide his deformed face. Together the two walked back to the kitchen to help Mrs. Voorhees.

The next day Freddy finally returned. As it turned out, halfway back to Camp Crystal Lake, he'd gotten fed up with the idea of caring about other people and turned around again. He'd managed to make it into town where he proceeded to hook up with every stripper he could find, and kill them all. He'd also gotten wasted and now, as the Winnebago swerved back into the camp, he had the worst hangover of his miserable life. He stumbled out of the vehicle, beer cans falling from the driver's seat, and went to where the others were.

"H-Hey, fucktards, I meant to tell you, Myers is gone batshit crazy and he wrecked the car. He's gonna kill you…" when he saw a perfectly sane Michael standing there by Jason he let out a loud, "Oooohhh, hey bitch." Then he turned to Jason. Unfortunately for him they hadn't been able to locate Myers' extra masks yet, so he was left with his face showing. Freddy pointed at him with a clawed hand and laughed. "Haaa, you're an ugly motherfucker!"

_Yeah, I know, you tell me that all the time. We were just about to burn Michael's teddy bear. Wanna come? _Jason thought, holding Bear in his arms. Michael sadly gave the stuffed animal one last glance.

_I'll miss him._

_We all will, Myers._

"I won't. That thing creeps me out." Ghostface said, flinching away as Freddy stole the bear away from Jason and threw it at him. "Hey, get it away! Gross, it's staring at me!" he kicked it back over to Freddy and the two proceeded to play a game of keep-away as Michael tried to reclaim his precious Bear. At last Jason stepped in.

_Just give me the damn bear! _

He seized it from Kruger and Ghostface then threw it into a pile of sticks that he'd gathered. He lit a match and threw it into the pile. As the bear went up in flames, rainclouds gathered overhead. The sun was blotted out and the world became gray and bleak. The more the evil teddy burned, the worse the weather got, but at last it was done. Just as the sky opened up and poured down, the bear became a pile of ashes. Michael felt himself crying as he was guided away from the ash by Jason.

_Michael….Michael, why did you let them burn me?_

Michael's eyes opened and he shot up in his bed, breathing hard. It had been three weeks since they'd burned his beloved Bear, yet he could still hear his voice in his head. He hadn't told anyone about this, though. Not even Jason knew. He was afraid that if they knew that he was still crazy, they'd punish him even more. Michael rubbed his tired eyes and sighed. It was one in the morning, and storming outside. He watched lightning illuminate the sky and smiled a little under his mask. His eyes slowly went over to Jason and saw that he was sleeping hard.

_I miss Bear…I wonder if I could visit him, just for a minute…_

He glanced over at the door and then back over to Jason. Quietly he rose from his bed and made his way out into the story. Thunder shook the earth as he walked thru the mud, into the forest where they'd set Bear ablaze. At last he found the pile of damp, burnt wood that Bear had been burned with. Michael knelt down beside the pile and sighed.

_I miss you, Bear._

_I miss you too, Michael. _Bear's voice whispered in his ear. _I want to come back._

_But how? You're dead._

Bear chuckled. _Look in the ash._

Michael hesitantly began sorting thru the damp earth and ash until his hand came upon something odd. He pulled it out and let the rain wash it off before raising it up to look at it. It was a button, the one from Bear's only good eye. Evil thoughts crept back into Michael's brain as he gently placed the button in his pocket; Bear spoke to him, sounding more murderous than ever.

_Kill them all…kill them all, my Michael…_

* * *

**A/N**

I meant to put this episode up a loooooong time ago, but time, like always, got away from me...sorry about that. If you haven't guessed, the next few installments of the series will be slightly dark and deeper than normal. There will still be humor, but I need to get used to this new thing first. It's not the same old story any more. :P

I'll also be moving them away from Camp Crystal Lake eventually. After Mrs. Voorhees' character has served its purpose, the gang will move on. What lies ahead in the series? Well I'm planning a trip to Hell for the gang, as well as a reunion with Pinhead. Thanks for reading and as always reviews are love. There's more to come.


	48. Part 2 Episode 3--To Hell

Part 2 of the _Scream For Me _series

Episode 3-To Hell

* * *

_Jaaaaassssooooonnnn, I want soup. _Michael thought miserably, wiping his runny nose on his sleeve. The other silent killer rolled his eyes and ignored Myers' request.

_No, because I still don't understand how you got sick._

_I was playing. _Michael thought innocently. Jason gave him a suspicious look.

_Playing?_

_Yeah, in the rain. _Jason let out a hopeless sigh and went to heat up some chicken noodle soup. After doing so he went and presented it to Michael, who looked at it and turned up his nose. _No…make me tomato soup. You know I don't like chicken noodle!_

_You've always eaten it before!_

_But today I want tomato soup…or a coffee from Starbucks._

Jason narrowed his eyes at the younger killer and threw the soup onto Michael's lap. _You'll have chicken noodle and like it!_

_Oww! It's hot! _He flew back in his chair and fell backwards, sending the broth and noodles everywhere. Off a ways away in the kitchen, Mrs. Voorhees watched the two with a smile on her face. She went over to her son and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Now Jason, what have I told you about roughhousing in the kitchen?"

_He asked for it, mom. _He said, shrugging off his mother's concern. She chuckled and went back over to the stove.

"I'll make him some lovely tomato soup."

_Thanks mam. _Michael thought, trying to wipe the still hot soup off of his pants. Jason saw this and shook his head at the other killer.

_You're pitiful, Myers._

_And you're an asshole, Voorhees._

_Am not._

_Is to!_

He scoffed at Michael's stupid statement. _You mean 'Are too,' not 'is too'._

_Fuck you!_

"Boys, boys!" Mrs. Voorhees broke in, giving them both sharp looks. "If you're going to roughhouse some more, then go outside!"

Jason slumped his shoulders. He loved his mother, but he hated being treated like a little kid. _Mom, I'm not ten years old anymore; I don't 'roughhouse'. I'm an adult._

She ignored this and said, already refocused on her cooking, "Ah yes, that's nice dear, now go play outside with Mikey."

Unwilling to talk to the delusional woman further, the two made their way outside. As it turned out, this new life didn't quite suit Freddy and Ghostface. Normally the two killers could make mayhem in the old apartments, but now they were left to sit all day in a cabin without air conditioning to entertain themselves. Often this lead to acts of reckless abandon which included throwing rocks at some of the more dangerous animals in the forest, catching wild rabbits and attempting to skin them alive, and setting spare cabins on fire. Pretty much nothing was off limits, especially if it would ensure Jason trouble. It just so happened that on this particular day they were busy trying to set fire to Michael and Jason's cabin.

Jason saw this and rushed over to them. He immediately seized the matches that Freddy was holding and glared at him. _What the hell is your problem?!_

Ghostface whined as his lighter fluid was taken away by Michael. "We're boooooored!"

"And since we obviously can't set our own shit on fire, we decided to smoke your stuff." Freddy explained, glaring at Jason. "Now give me my fucking matches back, asshole!"

_No, _Jason thought, passing the matches onto Michael, who was struggling to keep Ghostface away from him, _absolutely not! If you're bored then why don't you focus your energy on making our home better? _Ghostface and Freddy glanced at each other. The silent killer saw this and arched a brow under his mask. _What's with the looks?_

"This stupid place isn't our home," Ghostface said sullenly. "Our home was an apartment back in San Antonio."

Michael heard this and rolled his eyes. _But we all hated that stupid place! It was cramped and it had a weird smell._

"But it was home!" Ghostface protested. Freddy crossed his arms over his chest like a stubborn child.

"Fuck this place; it's just as horrible, and now we have crazy Mrs. Voorhees to worry about." Jason sighed.

_If you two want to act like children, then go time-out!_

They both laughed at this and exclaimed, "Time-out?!"

Michael also questioned Jason's intentions. _Time-out? Jason, we're not two-year-olds...you can't put us in time-out. We're grown-ups._

_Then start acting like it! _he thought angrily, throwing the matches down on the ground. Everyone stopped their snickering and gave him confused looks.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Ghostface asked indignantly.

Jason scoffed. _It means that for the past few years I've been trying to keep us together for...for I don't know what! Now that we're finally doing okay, you're trying to ruin everything! If you don't want to be here, then fuck off and take care of your stupid, incompetent selves! _With those last words, he stormed off to do whatever it was our Jason Voorhees does when he's mad. Michael didn't even bother to go after him, either. Unknown to everyone else, he still had the button and spirit of one certain stuffed bear nestled carefully in his pocket. So instead of going after the person who was once his best friend, he went off by himself, not after retrieving a few matches that Jason had dropped on the ground.

Freddy and Ghostface also parted ways for a while, Freddy saying that he had some innocent forest animals to find and slaughter. Ghostface just went out to the docks and lazed around like always, making long-distance calls that he'd demand Jason pay for later. It seemed as though everyone, despite being more secure than ever, was falling apart.

..

Dinner that night was an awkward affair. Mrs. Voorhees had made one of her usual wholesome, delicious meals, but only three people were served. Freddy watched as Jason, Myers, and Mrs. Voorhees dug into their food. He gave Ghostface an infuriated look and let out an angry hiss. "This is exactly what the fuck I was talking about earlier!" he cried, throwing his arms up in the air.

Mrs. Voorhees gave him a deadly look from across the table. "Be quiet this instant! You're ruining your dinner!"

From his chair Ghostface let out a little scoff. "Dinner? What dinner? I don't see any dinner." Jason narrowed his eyes at the talking killer. This made Ghostface sigh and say, "Whatever. I'm too tired to argue anyways."

"Fuck that!" Freddy howled. He thought of a way to get back at Jason and his annoying mother, and came up with an old solution that had worked in the past. He launched himself over the dinner table, knocking over plates and forks and cups full of lord knew what, and let out an insane yell. "REMATCH!" By this, of course, we know that he was referring to the rivalry he had developed years ago prior to living with Jason-after a long battle with the hulking killer of Camp Crystal Lake, Kruger had beaten Jason mercilessly...or at least, that's what his delusional mind chose to believe. In reality, as we all know, Jason had beaten him senseless. Now, however, as Freddy attempted to rekindle this old rivalry, he was thrown back by Jason and sent flying across the room easily.

_Rematch my ass! _Jason thought, rolling his eyes. Freddy jumped up and attempted to tackle the bigger killer, and began stabbing him with his claws. Ghostface, of course, laughed and tried to join in annoyingly. This lead to all three of the killers staggering around the kitchen breaking dishes, denting knives, and splintering chairs. Mrs. Voorhees immediately jumped up and attempted to stop the senseless idiocy, but of course she was silenced as Freddy threw a pot at her head. It hit her squarely in the head, and knocked her out cold. Jason saw this and his eyes grew wide.

_M...Mommy?_

"Haaaa! Bitch learned her lesson!" Freddy announced, laughing insanely. Ghostface nodded.

"Heh, yeah, fuck her!"

This sent Jason into a rage. He threw himself at the two of them and thought in a blind fury, _You want a fucking rematch?! I'll kill you!_

Ghostface grew scared and dodged behind a chair. "I-I never said anything about a rematch."

_Well you're getting one anyway!_

The three killers began wrestling each other to the ground. Michael was the only one left in the room who did nothing. He sat there, dazed, and watched them. In all honesty, Myers hadn't been feeling like his old, childish self lately. Ever since the destruction of his bear days ago, he'd sometimes change his personality completely. He no longer poked his nose into everyone else's business anymore; he stayed secluded in the woods mostly, torturing small woodland animals. When he wasn't sticking sharp twigs into the eyes of innocent squirrels, he was staring into space, his dark, evil eyes glazed over. As the other three killers began tumbling haphazardly around the room, he just sighed and rested his head on his hand. This didn't go unnoticed by Jason, who paused his fit and peered over at him, his eyes full of concern.

_Hey, you okay, Mike?_

_My name's Michael, you idiot! _Michael thought irritably, rising to his feet. Ghostface instantly calmed down and went over to the youngest killer.

"Hey, what's with the tone, Myers? He just asked if-"

_I'm fine, you idiots! What does it matter, anyway? We hate each other, so why does it matter how I feel? I don't care how any of you feel. _Myers thought, pushing Ghostface away angrily. Freddy laughed at this as if it were some kind of act the young slasher was putting on for attention.

"Look," he said to everyone, "Myers is having a bitch fit."

_Fuck you. _Michael thought coolly, turning and walking towards the door. _Fuck all of you._

..

After Michael's after dinner rage fit, it was decided unanimously-meaning that Freddy yelled until everyone gave in-that Jason was to go after the youngest member of their group and try to, as Kruger so delicately put it, 'fix him before his ass gets kicked'. So after cleaning up the kitchen, or what remained of it, and putting his dear mother to bed, Jason set out to find Michael. He first checked what he knew to Michael's favorite spot in the whole camp-a little spot right by the lake. Not finding him there, he went to the cabin they shared. There he found Myers sitting on his bed, shoulders slumped, staring off into space dully. Catiously he went over to the younger killer; there was something in Michael's eyes that was off. He wasn't right, Jason could tell.

_Hey, so about that little temper tantrum you threw...don't do it again._

Michael blinked a few times, seeming to snap back to reality, and glanced over at Jason._ What are you talking about? I didn't do anything._

_Uh..._ Jason paused, unsure of how to proceed. Seeing that Myers seemed genuinely confused, he went over to him and asked, trying to sound casual, _Mike-you don't mind if I call you that, right?_

Michael shrugged. _I dunno, guess not. Why would I?_

_Umm... _Although something was definitely off with the younger killer, Jason had no clue what it was. All he knew was that his old, childish Michael was back, and this put his mind at ease. Voorhees let out a labored sigh and sat down next to Michael. His head fell into his hands and he closed his eyes. Things had been stressful for him lately. Between making a clean transition from the apartment, he'd nearly forgotten about ensuring his own sanity. Michael seemed to sense how tense his best friend was, because in a moment he was hesitantly scooting closer to him, his dark eyes shining with admiration for the greater, bigger killer.

_Jason...?_

_What?_

_Can I... _he made an obscure motion with his hands, one that puzzled the other killer. Knowing that he didn't understand, Michael sighed and without permission, fell onto Jason and wrapped his arms around him. He gave Jason a hug and smiled under his mask. _Take me to Starbucks tomorrow?_

_Uh...Mike?_

_Yeah? _

Even though Jason had no clue what was going on, he knew that he didn't want it to stop. He pulled Michael into a tight, bone-crushing hug and patted his back. _We won't ever talk about this to Freddy or Ghostface, alright?_

_Okay...but why not? Ghostface does this to me all the time. Plus he touches my butt and whispers weird things to me, and-_

_Just stop talking, okay?_

_Okay. _

..

The next day Jason awoke early and went to pull the covers off of Michael and take him on his promised trip to Starbucks, but found his bed empty. Jason frowned and looked around the cabin, only to find himself alone...like always. And, like usual, he was deeply depressed by this...

It amazed Michael at how Jason, as smart as his once best friend was, wasn't more suspicious as to how the younger killer had managed to get a cold in the beginning of summer. As it turned out, Myers had gone out into a rain storm nights ago to retrieve a part of Bear, and that's what had delivered to him the cold. Now he sat on a stump in the middle of the Crystal Lake forest, staring at the matches that he held in his hand and smiling a little under his mask. He reached for the button in his pocket.

_Bear, I'm bored. What do I do?_

The voice of Bear spoke to him in his head quietly. _If your bored then let's play a game._

_I love games!_

Bear gave him a soft, reproachful chuckle. _I know, Michael. I know. _

_What's this game called?_

_It's called, _Bear whispered, _wildfire. _

..

Freddy marched thru the forest, crunching over rotting leaves and twigs, kicking up piles of dirt. He mumbled under his breath about how horrible everything was there, especially the food that Mrs. Voorhees cooked...that was, if he and Ghostface even got to eat it. Normally they'd end up rooting thru the left overs of dinner at midnight after making sure that Jason's temperamental mother was sleeping. Michael was also being babied, and that annoyed Freddy to the core of his tainted soul; if there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was babies.

Now as he trudged on, he caught sight of a rather obese looking blackbird. A crooked smile came upon his burnt face and he gave chase to it, jumping after it and waving his claws around to attempt to mutilate the bird. He came upon a strange sight, though. There, sitting on a mildewed stump in a small clearing, amidst tangled branches and brown leaves, was Michael, playing with matches. Freddy instantly stopped and ducked down. "What is that stupid fuck doing out here?" he mumbled as he carefully snuck closer.

He heard Michael thinking to himself, _Wildfire? I want to win that game...how do I do it? _there was a silent pause, in which it seemed as though Myers was waiting for some invisible answer to make itself clear. After this there came his careful, dazed thoughts of, _Okay, I can do that, Bear._

Freddy, confused as he was, thought that Myers was just talking to some imaginary friend. After all, the kid was completely insane; the thought that he had imaginary friends wasn't so odd. That's why he only made a move when he saw Michael strike the match against the ground. It lit up instantly, its flame a hungry orange. Freddy let out a loud gasp, and just as he staggered back fearfully, Myers dropped the match. The whole clearing went up in flames, devouring the skinny form of Myers.

..

Jason sat alone in the kitchen staring at a ham and cheese sandwich. His mother hovered nearby, chattering away happily. It was now, as Jason stared out of the window and saw the quiet emptiness of the camp, that he became totally sad. What was this faint feeling that he had held onto for so long? Why was he always drawn back here, to this Hell? Camp Crystal Lake was the little piece of his soul tied off from the rest of the world; it never changed, always stayed the same-solitary, tortuous. He felt a heavy feeling of dread come over him as he laid his head down on the table next to his sandwich. Mrs. Voorhees noticed this and stopped her talking.

"Jason, are you alright? You look sick, dear. Why don't you-"

_Why did I come back here? _he thought sorrowfully, his dark eyes darting over to the window. The once blue sky was now full of grey clouds. It was as if the world was, as always, mocking him and his sorrow. Mrs. Voorhees gave him a confused look. She went over to her son and pointed to his food.

"Dear, you need to eat."

_...What? _he thought dully, sitting up suddenly. He met his caring mother's gaze and saw emptiness in them. For the first time he seemed to understand...in his mother's eyes there wasn't love or affection. There was only empty madness, as if she still saw her young, ten-year-old son staring back at her-Jason realized that the only thing he recognized in his dear mother's deadened gaze was delusion.

"Eat, dear, so you can grow up to be strong and-"

_Mom, I'm a grown man. _he thought, slowly standing up. _And I'm not hungry. _

She laughed at this as if he was a small child making a joke. "Now Jason, mother knows best, doesn't she?"

_No! _he suddenly lashed out, throwing the chair he'd been sitting in against the wall. It shattered. His mother stared at him, struggling to find any kind of reason why her beloved son had done that. Jason sighed and shook his head. He tried to think of something grand and mature to say to his beloved mother, but could only find the guts to turn and walk out of the kitchen. Just before reaching the door, a thought came to him. He turned to her and thought, _I'll be getting my stuff together tonight. I'll leave early tomorrow. Don't bother to make me breakfast._

And as Jason walked out of the kitchen and into the humidity of the outside, he felt very proud of himself. No longer was he a pitiful mother's boy. He was now a fully independent man. Before he could even have time to savor this revelation, Freddy came running over to him, breathing hard. Jason didn't have time to listen to him, though. He pushed him aside easily and kept walking over to his cabin.

"Hockeypuck, you've gotta listen to me!"

_Why? You've never listened to me. _he thought, walking on. Freddy trailed after him, desperately waving his arms around, trying to get his attention.

"But it's Myers-he's fucking insane! Set the whole damn forest on fire!"

Jason rolled his eyes, but just as he was about to think something really mean to say, he glanced up at the sky and noticed the grey clouds again. It was only now that he realized that what he once believed to be clouds were actually billowing pillars of dark smoke. His eyes grew wide as he looked over and saw the far off forest engulfed in flames. His mind immediately grasped the severity of what Freddy had said-Michael was in trouble. _I'm going to go get him! _as he went to run off, Freddy caught him and pulled him back.

"You don't get it-he started it on purpose!"

_What?! Why would he want to do that?_

"He wants to kill us!"

..

Ghostface laid back on the dock and closed his eyes. Things hadn't been right since they'd moved; even though he was a complete idiot, he knew that their whole group had been splintering apart for a while. Now, he decided, he'd get kicked out first. Often it was the geniuses who suffered the most, like himself. He sighed and took a deep breath. It was then that he smelled smoke. It overtook him, burned his nostrils and make him choke. He sat up, looking around for some explanation. Off a distance away he noticed the smoldering evergreens, the ash that fluttered in the sky. He jumped to his feet and turned to find Jason, but froze when he saw Mrs. Voorhees walking towards him.

Ghostface chuckled awkwardly and gave her a halfhearted wave. "H-Hey, Mrs. V."

She looked totally murderous. Tears were running down her face as she neared him. "You...you're the reason!"

Ghostface took a few steps back, growing nervous. When any woman approached him with the words 'you're the reason', he generally tended to shy away. "Mrs. V., what are you talking about? Calm down...p-please?"

"You're the reason that my Jason is leaving! You're the reason that he hates me!" she shrieked. Ghostface rolled his eyes.

"You're really gonna blame me for that? I didn't even know he wanted to leave, so don't-"

Before he could finish his sentence, she lunged at him, and they both flew into the lake.

..

_Jaaaaassssooooonnnn, I want soup..._

_No, because I still don't understand how you got sick._

_I was playing. _

_Playing?_

_Yeah, in the rain._

...In the rain...

Michael stood in smoldering forest, motionless, watching as the flames crept steadily nearer to him. He recalled the conversation he'd had earlier with Jason and sighed. _He should've just played along, _he thought sadly, kicking a burning branch away distractedly. He stood there pouting and thought, _It would've been so much easier if he would've played along with me and Bear. _

_Good, _Bear's voice said to him as the flames drew steadily closer, _you've almost won the game._

_Almost? But I set everything on fire. You said that if I did that then I'd win._

_No, there's one last rule._

Michael grew skeptical as he stared down at the button that held Bears' spirit. _You're cheating._

_I'm not cheating, Michael; now do you want to hear the last rule?_

_Sure._

_If you want to win the game..._

Just before Bear could finish his explination, Michael felt himself being pulled away from the intense heat of the fire. He heard a low, pained grumbling and looked over to notice that Jason was pulling him out of the fire. Flames licked at the bigger killer, burning his dead, grey flesh as he attempted to save Michael. _What the hell were you thinking, Myers?!  
_

_J...Jason...?_

_Why did you start this?_

He grew silent and brought his attention back to Bear. _What do I do?_

Jason heard this thought and became puzzled. He didn't stop, though; he carried Michael thru the fire and flames to what he hoped was safety, but it was hard to tell where he'd come from. His lungs were filling with ash and smoke, his skin was burning. All he knew was that he'd kick Myers' ass for this later. Suddenly he felt Michael pull away from him. Jason stopped and turned to him, tried to pick him up again, but was rejected. The younger killer's black eyes were full of malice as he withdrew a knife.

_If I want to win, _Michael thought, _then I have to take you with me._

_What? Michael, stop playing! This isn't a game, we're about to die! _Jason thought, _And I don't mean 'die' die, like when we get stabbed or shot and just get back up, I mean 'get sent to Hell' die! _He made a move to grab the younger killer's wrist. Michael violently rejected this and pushed Jason to the ground. He then climbed on top of him and pinned him down, his eyes full of an insane kind of childish glee.

_I want to win, Jason. I need to win..._

_.._

Not knowing what else to do, Freddy found an old, rusted pot in the kitchen and proceeded to walk out to the lake with intents of filling it up with water and throwing on the fire. Although this wouldn't do any good, he believed that he knew fire very well having been burned by it so many times, and he felt as though he'd be the hero of the day. As he made his way over to the murky lake, something caught his attention. There, floating in the middle of the lake like some kind of forgotten debris, was the body of Mrs. Voorhees. Confused, Freddy looked around. Ghostface was sitting on the dock, knife in hand, breathing hard.

"Hey, Fuckface." Kruger said as he walked up to him, not even bothering to ask him what had happened. He didn't care much, anyway; he just gave the other killer a sharp slap at the back of the head and laughed. Ghostface flinched like always and whined.

"Ow...Freeeedddyyyy! Imma tell Jason on you!"

"Don't bother. He's not here." Kruger said as he sat down on the dock and threw the pot into the lake. He watched as it sank quickly to the bottom. Being a complete idiot, he'd forgotten what he'd actually set out to do. Why had he been holding that heavy thing anyway? And why was the forest beyond the lake smoking like that? Suddenly he jumped up and remembered. "Oh shit, Jason's in trouble!" and he began laughing madly. "Ha! Hockeypuck is finally gonna get what he deserves!"

Ghostface chose to ignore the other killer's annoying rambling. He fingered the knife he was holding and asked, "Where's Myers?"

Freddy pointed over to the burning forest. The fire had now crept over to the cabins and was quickly demolishing them. Since Freddy was deathly afraid of fire-though he would never openly admit it under pain of death-he punched Ghostface in the ribs and snapped, "Hey, go clean our shit out of our cabin before it burns."

"Umm...what about Jason and Michael's cabin?"

"What about it?"

Ghostface sighed and rose up. He thrust the knife he was holding into Freddy's chest and said, smiling cleverly under his mask, "Hold this; I'll be right back." and he walked off to go salvage their belongings before the fire took it all.

* * *

**A/N**

Many things have changed for the Last Flowerchild...time keeps getting away from me and I'm sorry once again. I'd like to thank everyone whose kept up with this series and is still with me. I appreciate it and thanks for sticking along for the ride. Of course there's a little more to come. I've planned a bit further in advance, and I'll get down those ideas and post them as soon as I can. Until then, reviews still make my day believe it or not, as do personal messages if you don't feel like posting a public review. Yes, I do read every one of them. :) Also, if you don't like the small bit of JasonxMichael slash I put in here and there, be sure to mention it. I want to know and take into account everyone's opinions.


End file.
